


Fifteen Years in the Making

by potts89



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst and Feels, Breaking Up & Making Up, But still Pepperony, Domestic Fluff, Drama, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Drama, Grief/Mourning, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Insecure Tony Stark, Irondad, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Jealous Tony Stark, Maria Stark's Good Parenting, Minor Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Mother-Son Relationship, Parent Tony Stark, Pepper Potts & James "Rhodey" Rhodes Friendship, Pepper Potts Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Pepper Potts Feels, Pepperony - Freeform, Peter Parker Calls Tony Stark "Dad", Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Peter Stark - Freeform, Pregnant Pepper Potts, Romance, Slow Burn, Teen Peter Parker, Tony & Pepper are a mess, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Angst, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues, Uncle James "Rhodey" Rhodes, father and son angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:53:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 262,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23683444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potts89/pseuds/potts89
Summary: "What’s wrong with the pie?" Peter asked confused."There's nothing wrong with it, Peter," Pepper assured him. "I'm just—""She's allergic to strawberries.""Dad, how didyoueven know that?" Peter narrowed his eyes as realization dawned on him. He looked from Tony to Pepper then back to Tony again. "Why are you talking like you know each other? Do you two know each other? Before SI?""Um..." Tony hesitated, "We kind ofdidknow each other, a long time ago.""Know each other how?""We were a couple... for five, almost six years before she moved to L.A.""You were together? Before Mom? Dad, you havea lotof explaining to do."Tony and Pepper broke up 15 years ago - he had a kid, she moved away - but now she's back as his company's new CEO.He's going to try to win her back. It won't be easy, he did hurt her pretty bad after all, but he's also about to find out she has her fair share of secrets, secrets she should not have kept from him.Then Peter Benjamin Parker-Stark sets them up, not knowing about their history, that they know each other from way back.
Relationships: Aldrich Killian/Pepper Potts, Howard Stark & Tony Stark, Howard Stark/Maria Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Maria Stark & Tony Stark, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Pepper Potts & James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Pepper Potts, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 332
Kudos: 359





	1. The New CEO

**Author's Note:**

> Eventually, you'll realize that the first ten chapters were loosely inspired by Rufus Humphrey and Lily van der Woodsen, because I couldn't get them off my head lately.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Everyone has an opinion on how long it takes to recover from a breakup..." ―Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother.

** Present day, October, New York: **

“Pete, where are you, kid?”

Anthony Edward Stark clutched his phone to his ear as he paced in a tight circle while inside one of the art galleries in Brooklyn. He had just arrived in New York earlier that morning to meet with the to-be-appointed new CEO of his company, but the meeting was scheduled at ten and he figured he had enough time to swing by one of the art galleries to buy his new CEO a welcome present – because, yes, he could be _that_ generous, especially when his headhunter had told him that his new CEO was definitely a sight for sore eyes. It was no secret that Tony Stark had always been a playboy, he never really made any effort to deny that fact, but he believed he outgrew that phase already (although still, he loved to flirt) and that he was so much more than that. He was, after all, a very doting father to his fourteen year-old son, Peter.

“I’m at the office, Dad. I’m starting my internship today, or have you forgotten? Aren’t you supposed to be here anyway? Don’t you have a new CEO coming in today?” Peter fired his questions one after the other and Tony always found it amusing rather than irritating. It was a miracle the kid never ran out of air whenever he did that.

“Yeah, I just arrived in New York this morning. I’m meeting Ms. New CEO at ten. You wanna go out for lunch after?” Tony asked, as he contemplated a Jackson Pollock he had his eye on.

“Ms. New CEO?” Peter chuckled on the other end. “Dad, please tell me you at least read her file. What’s her name?”

“Kid, I am so disappointed you had to ask,” Tony laughed as he motioned to an art gallery assistant for help. “Of course, I did _not_ read the file. All I needed to know is that she’s more than qualified and she’ll be very good at this job. I haven’t seen a photo but I was also told she’s a stunner.”

“Yeah, Dad, good luck with that,” then after a beat, Peter added, “And please be on your best behavior.”

“Hey, your old man’s a gentleman. In fact, I’m getting her a welcome present as we speak. See you later, kiddo.”

“Bye, Dad,” Peter said from the other end, “Don’t forget our lunch.”

Tony grinned as he ended the call. He really could not help but sometimes wonder how Peter turned out to be so good and polite, even if he had to raise him alone. Who would have thought Tony Stark could raise such a sweet young boy.

He flashed his most charming smile at the assistant waiting on him, “I’ll get the Jackson Pollock,” and motioned for Happy, his friend and bodyguard, to take the painting to the car.

\---- --- ----

The drive to the Stark Industries New York headquarters was pretty uneventful, although traffic was quite heavy but it was the city’s norm. Tony Stark arrived at his office at half-past ten, thirty minutes late but still early by his standards. He pushed through the conference room doors and waltzed in like he owned place (well, he _did_ own the place actually), charming as ever, with Happy at his heels, carrying the canvas.

“I apologize for being late, New York traffic is terrible as usual, but I come bearing gifts for my new CEO…”

He stopped in his tracks when he saw who the new CEO was. He smiled at her, not the megawatt smile he reserved for reporters and cameras, but a genuine one, the kind that reached his eyes. He was quick to recover though.

“My, my, if it’s not Ms. Virginia Potts,” he said offering his hand as he approached the new CEO. “You look _so good_ , Pepper,” which he quickly amended when she raised an eyebrow. “What I meant to say was, it’s good to see you. Although what I said is also true, you do look good.”

Virginia Potts, ever the consummate professional, politely smiled at him and shook his hand. God, he could not take his eyes off of her. She looked as immaculate as ever – strawberry blonde hair in a neat chignon style, iridescent blue eyes, white skirt suit accentuating her form in all the right places, very petite hands (no wedding band nor engagement ring, he noted), and legs for days highlighted by four-inch stiletto heels. She looked just as good as he remembered her, if not better. Not to sound inappropriate or anything, but he could just stare at her the whole day. Fifteen years, it took almost fifteen years before he saw her again, and he honestly thought the day would never come. And yet, here she was in front of him, and he realized his feelings for her never waned.

His thoughts were interrupted when Mrs. Arbogast, her assistant, broke the tension in the room, “So you, two, already know each other, Mr. Stark?”

“Pepper and I go way back―”

“Mr. Stark is an old acquaintance―”

“Mr. Stark?” he asked as he made air quotes to emphasize his point, “You wound me, Pepper. Why so formal? You were so used to calling me Tony… among other things.” He smirked before motioning towards Happy, “Pep, you remember Happy?”

Pepper narrowed her eyes at the old nickname of a nickname, nobody called her `Pep,’ other than Tony after all, but she decided to let that one pass. Instead, she smiled warmly at Happy and leaned forward to give him a hug.

“It’s so good to see you, Happy. We have to catch up soon,” she said lightly squeezing his arm. Happy just mumbled in agreement but he looked equally glad to see an old friend as well.

He would never admit it to anyone, but Tony felt envious about the hug she gave Happy. Pepper was so warm to everyone except him, but he could not exactly blame her given their history. He decided to extend an olive branch instead just to let her reservations thaw for the meantime.

“I bought you a welcome present,” he waved in Happy’s direction to indicate the canvas, “Jackson Pollock,” he added. He then turned to Mrs. Arbogast, “Bambi, will you take Happy to Pepper’s office? See where you can hang that painting?”

“Of course, Mr. Stark,” and the two left the conference room, leaving Tony and Pepper in mutual silence. Shortly after, it was Pepper who broke the impasse.

“You seemed surprised to see me, Tony. Didn’t you even read my file? My appointment?”

Tony could not help but smile at hearing her say his name; it had been a really long while since she last did after all. He missed the sound of her voice, her wit, their banter. She was the only one who could keep up with him after all.

“Don’t you know me at all, Pep? I could think of a million other things I would rather be doing than reading the newly-headhunted CEO’s file. Besides, the rest of the Board already approved your appointment anyway, I’m just here as your welcoming committee.” He winked at her, and he realized it was so easy to fall back into old habits.

“That’s really dangerous, Tony. Not to mention, quite irresponsible,” she said disapprovingly.

Or at least, he thought she said that with much disapproval; it was so difficult to see beyond her poker face right now.

 _Unlike before, she was so easy to read then, and she didn’t use to have these walls up,_ his mind helpfully supplied.

“I trust my people,” he said simply. He thought for a while and he knew he had to choose his next words carefully, but he had to know, “Why did you take the job, Pep?” He looked at her, willing her to hold his gaze, “You know it’s my name on the side of the building. I know it’s been almost fifteen years, but I never thought you’d be willing to work with me again, let alone be in the same room with me again.”

Pepper thought for a minute before answering, “Well, I was planning to move back to New York anyway, and the offer was too good to pass up on, and I figured… if you're still the same old Tony I used to know, you wouldn’t mind at all. You rarely showed up in the office back then, and it’s not like you were really hands on with SI, anyway.” She smiled at him, genuinely this time, “No offense.”

He wanted to tell her that he wasn’t the old Tony anymore. Sure, he still did the occasional flirting, but he had actually stopped acting on it. Gone were the playboy days, the lost weekends, the regular hangovers. He was different now, a changed man.

“None taken,” he assured her. “Although, I hope that soon you’ll find out that I’m quite a responsible person now. You see, I had to get my act together. I’d like to set a good example for my fourteen year-old boy, after all.”

For a while there, a hint of sadness crossed Pepper’s face but she was quick enough to school her features into looking genuinely interested. She nodded to herself quietly, “Fourteen, huh? How is he?”

“He’s the best, and smart, too. Probably too smart for his own good,” Tony beamed proudly.

Pepper took this all in, took a deep breath, then sincerely regarded Tony, “I really am happy to be working for Stark Industries, Tony. I hope my being SI’s CEO won’t be a problem with you.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m just glad we got the best CEO for SI. Unless…” he grinned at her, that familiar boyish grin she had fallen victim to one too many times in the past, “Unless this is some sort of ploy you’re using to get close to me again. Well in that case, I also approve.”

She rolled her eyes before she even realized it, “In your dreams.”

“Well, you _are_ in my dreams, Pep, and one in particular recurs. It involves the image of you lying on the seat of my Alfa Romeo, hair all tousled, totally spent, with your shoes in your… Oh, that happened.”

He wiggled his eyebrows at her suggestively and Pepper almost blushed. Almost. Instead, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath and walked towards the door of the conference room, smiling in spite of herself, “Just stay out of my life, Tony.”

 _There, there's the old Pepper I used to know,_ Tony thought as he watched her go. He grinned triumphantly and shouted “I missed you, too!” before she disappeared behind the doors.

Yes, it was so easy to fall back into old habits. Just like the old times. Still grinning from ear to ear, he took out his phone and dialed his best friend’s number.

“Hey, Platypus. You’ll never guess who SI’s new CEO is.”

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are welcome and very much appreciated. Let me know what you think. :)


	2. It's Not A Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It is not time that changes man nor knowledge, the only thing that can change someone's mind is love." ―Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes.

** Present day, October, Manhattan NY: **

“Just… Just be nice to her, man, okay?”

Tony sighed impatiently as he sat at the back of the Bentley, which was parked outside the SI headquarters lobby. He was talking over the phone to his best friend, James Rhodes, while waiting for Peter to come out so they could grab lunch and spend some quality father and son time – yes, because he’s sappy like _that_ , but only when it came to his son.

To the outsider looking in, he was still every bit the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist who had to grow up in front of the cameras way too fast when Stark senior and his wife figured in that grim car crash when Tony was only twenty one. What followed the accident was five years of fast cars and even faster women, endless parties, weekends lost on free flowing alcohol, and weekdays which saw him featured in one scandal after another. It was a pretty wild ride, those five years, and he would not have made it out in one piece had it not been for three people who stood by him through all of it – Happy, Pepper, and Rhodes.

Happy had been his friend and bodyguard as early as he hit twenty one, and when it came to loyalty, nobody could question that guy’s. He was discreet, dependable, and extremely loyal, not to mention that he used to be a boxer and was very protective of Peter. He could trust him to look after Peter whenever he was not in New York and he would not feel a single need to worry for his son’s safety.

As for Pepper, well, she had been a saint through it all, choosing to remain as his devoted girlfriend even if he juggled one too many one-night stands on the side. Sometimes he could not help but wonder what made her stay through out those five years, he really was an asshole after all. _She must have really loved me back then,_ he thought. But eventually, he had learned that love could only do so much when she decided to leave New York for good after they found out that he had knocked up one Mary Fitzpatrick Parker, a socialite from the Upper East Side. No, Pepper did not decide to leave because he had fathered a child with another woman; she decided to move away when, after spending five years in drunken stupor, Tony decided to do right by Mary by sobering up and eventually marrying the mother of his child. He loved Pepper, he really did, in fact he loved her so much that it was just shy of enough. But he could not give her what she needed back then, so he let her go, albeit with a little push. She deserved better after all, and he thought she probably realized that too when he never heard from her again after she left New York.

And so, he found himself a father to an adorable baby boy at twenty seven, trapped in a loveless marriage and filing for divorce at thirty, and knee-deep in a child custody battle at thirty one. He won full custody, because the Stark name could really open doors and close cases if needs must. He devoted the next few years raising Peter on his own, attending to his company, and getting his act together. So yes, the magazines were still in love with his genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist persona, so much so that they never dropped the ‘playboy’ part. But just because the title stuck, it did not have to be accurate too.

Through out what he liked to call his phoenix-rising-from-the-ashes phase, Lt. Col. James Rhodes had always been there to offer support. They had been best friends since freshmen year at the MIT and had been inseparable since until Rhodes joined the air force, but he had always made it a point for Tony to know that he could rely on him anytime, any day, no matter the distance. Whenever he could, he spent the holidays and his vacations in New York playing the cool Uncle Rhodey to Peter. He had always been a good friend to Pepper as well, and in spite of his friendship with Tony, Rhodes was the one who chided him about his alcoholism and his not-so-secret philandering. It broke his heart when the two called it quits, and he was actually the one who drove Pepper to the airport when she finally left New York for good. So the news that Pepper was back and had accepted the CEO position at SI rekindled the hope he had always held on to that someday, somehow, his best friend would finally manage to get the woman of his dreams. Because Rhodes had seen Tony with countless women, he had seen him really try to make things work with Mary, but nothing had been the same compared to when he was with Pepper. She really was the love of Tony’s life, the light in Tony’s life, and as far as second chances go, this one’s not so bad at all.

“Tones, are you still with me?” Tony heard his best friend ask over the phone.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m still here, Rhodey. Just waiting for Peter so we can go grab some lunch.”

“As I was saying,” Rhodes continued, “Just be nice to Pepper, okay, man? Don’t do anything rash, and tone down the innuendos. This might be the only chance you're getting, you have to do this right.”

“I know, I know. I promise I won’t screw up this time.”

Rhodes seemed satisfied with the sincerity in that last statement so he pushed for a lighter tone, “You told me she wasn’t wearing any ring. No wedding band? No engagement ring? Did you notice if she was wearing a ring on her necklace?”

“No wedding band, no engagement ring, no ring on a necklace,” Tony was so amused at Rhodes for wanting him to be thorough. “By the way, I appreciate the support, buddy. You really are the original Pepper and Tony fanboy.”

Rhodes chuckled at that, “Yeah, yeah, I am. No shame in admitting that, man.” A beat, then he added, “I’m really glad she’s back, Tones.”

“Me too, buddy,” Tony sighed before repeating more to himself than to Rhodes, “Me too.”

“Listen, Tony, I gotta go,” Rhodes said over the phone, “Say hi to Pepper for me, and tell my godson I’ll see him soon.”

“Got it,” Tony said as he watched Peter open the door and slide into the seat next to him.

“Good luck, Tones.”

Tony stuffed his phone in his pocket as he turned to face Peter who was still wearing his SI internship badge. He frowned when he saw the name printed on it. “Pete, care to tell me why that badge says _Peter Benjamin Parker?_ Last time I checked, we share the same last name.”

“Oh, that,” Peter sighed as he proceeded to unclip the badge from his shirt pocket. “Sorry, Dad. It’s just, I want this internship to be _normal_ , if you get what I mean? And going in there with the same last name plastered on the side of the building would only make those people treat me differently. They’d hesitate to send me on some errands, and that just wouldn’t be normal.”

Tony thought about what his son had said and he understood perfectly. When he decided to raise Peter on his own, he also made it a point that his son would have an upbringing very much different from what he had, away from the spotlight and the prying eyes of the public. This preemptive strike afforded Peter the privacy he did not get to experience growing up and he honestly thought he did a very good job at that. The outside world’s knowledge about his son was limited to two things – that his name was Peter Stark (not even his full name) and that his mother died from overdose three years after the divorce – and he wanted to keep it that way. The only searchable photos of his son on the Internet were the ones taken by reporters on Mary’s funeral, and any other photos shot through the years by the paparazzi were taken care of by his legal team on a regular basis. The SI employees, on the other hand, were asked to sign iron-clad non-disclosure agreements when they started working for the company, and that included details about his son. So yes, he went above and beyond to keep Peter’s life as normal as possible, but all of it was worth it if it gave Peter the privacy Tony did not get to experience as a kid.

“Alright, kid. I understand.”

 _I understand it more than you could imagine,_ he would have added. Instead, he asked Peter what he wanted for lunch and Happy drove off to a Burger King drive thru. They stopped for a quick coffee run before heading back to SI to finish the burgers in Tony’s office.

\---- --- ----

“Your Uncle Rhodey says hello, and that he’ll see you soon.”

“Uncle Rhodey called? When?” Peter asked in between bites as they finished their burgers in his office. “Can he spend Thanksgiving with us?”

“ _I_ called _him_. Earlier in the car, while I was waiting for your late ass to grab some lunch. Chew your food, kid,” he jokingly admonished. “And yes, I’ll ask him to spend Thanksgiving with us.”

Peter seemed content with his answer and Tony watched him finish off his burgers. Yes, plural. Sometimes he still wondered where the kid was putting everything he was eating, but since the kid was basically a ball of energy, his appetite was not exactly unexpected.

“How’s you first day? Blew anything up yet?” Tony teased the kid as he grabbed his coffee, his third cup for the day and it was only a bit past lunch.

Peter just rolled his eyes at his dad’s teasing. He had a chemical experiment which blew up in the lab he and his dad shared at their home’s basement one time. It happened one time and his dad never let him live it down.

“Not yet,” he quipped, “But I’ll be sure to make R&D send you a memo when something explodes.”

Tony just shook his head, grinning. Peter was really becoming his mini-me, more and more each day. _Please don’t grow up so fast, Pete_ , he thought wistfully.

“So how did you find Ms. Potts?”

Tony was taken aback, and catching Tony Stark off guard _very_ rarely happened. “Ms. Potts?” he asked, almost choking on his coffee.

“Yes, your new CEO?” Peter said matter-of-factly as he stood up to get a can of soda from the minifridge his father kept in a corner. “Unlike you, Dad, I actually do my homework.”

“Oh really?” because _that_ piqued Tony’s interest. “Pray, do tell, what did you find out?”

“Hmm...” Peter thought about his Google search, “Nothing much really, only that she’s been on Forbes’ 100 Most Powerful Women list more than twice already, and that she also made it to a similar list from Time Magazine. She’s pretty impressive, Dad.”

“Indeed, she is,” Tony felt proud, almost. “Any family? Husband? Children?”

“None that I found.” Then something clicked in Peter’s head as he narrowed his eyes and regarded his father suspiciously, “Why are you so invested, Dad?”

Tony, for his part, tried to play it cool. He was the king of cool, dammit. _Keep it cool, Stark_.

“I don’t know,” he said a bit testily, “Maybe Ms. Potts has a daughter that’s about the same age as you are. And if this hypothetical daughter looked anything like her mother, it wouldn’t be so bad if _you_ could be crushing on said hypothetical daughter right now.”

“You’re projecting, Dad.” Peter grinned at him, “Wow. You actually like Ms. Potts. That’s cute.”

Tony just shook his head, and tried to change the subject, “No, _you’re_ cute. And will your cuteness be joining me for dinner later?”

“I’m sleeping over at Ned’s,” Peter said apologetically. “Sorry, Dad, I already said yes and it slipped my mind that you’re supposed to arrive today.”

“It’s okay, kid,” Tony assured Peter, “I’ll just enjoy a quiet night, catch up on my readings.”

“Spoken like a true relic,” Peter joked as he stood up and headed for the door. “By the way, did I mention Ms. Potts used to model? From before she went corporate? You should check out those photos, Dad.” Peter teased him, knowingly.

“Thanks, son.” Tony could not help but smile as he nodded towards the door. “Go, I think they’re looking for you at R&D already.”

When the door to his office finally closed, he swore he could hear Peter lightly laughing from the other side of the door.

\---- --- ----

Pepper Potts stood at the SI lobby, waiting rather impatiently. It had been a really long day, and Aldrich, her boyfriend, was supposed to fly in to New York today and swing by SI on the way home to pick her up. Anyway, that was fifteen minutes ago, and she was about to call him when she got a text from him instead:

> _Sorry, babe. Meetings got pushed back for another two days. I’ll be home by then._

She sighed dejectedly and was about to ask the doorman to get her a cab when she saw Tony stepped out of the elevator and nodded in her direction.

“Waiting for someone, Pep?”

“Just a cab,” she replied, trying to keep the conversation short.

“Oh yeah, I remember,” Tony smiled at her knowingly, “You’ve always hated driving yourself in New York traffic. Got any dinner plans?”

“As a matter of fact, yes,” Pepper said evenly, “I have a low-fat yogurt happily sitting in the fridge, waiting for me.”

“Oh come on, Pep, that just won’t do. How about you go with me, I’ll cook us dinner, then I’ll have Happy drive you home.”

 _Just like the old times,_ he almost added. _Real smooth, Stark, real smooth._

Pepper narrowed her eyes as she looked at him, “Thank you, Tony, but that won’t be necessary.”

“Indulge me, Pepper. I was supposed to cook dinner for my kid but he left me alone for a Star Wars marathon over at his friend’s.” He gazed at her intently, “I swear, Pep, I’m not gonna try anything.”

She looked at those familiar, dark brown eyes and remembered a time when she had resigned herself to the fact that those eyes will one day be the death of her. And now, she found it so unfair that those eyes could still have that effect on her even fifteen years later. She felt so overwhelmed by his gaze that she had to take a deep breath.

“Okay, Pep,” Tony tried to sound reassuring, “I’ll even say that thing that’s going on in your head right now: It’s just dinner. It’s not a date. And I’m not going to try anything.”

“It’s not a date,” Pepper reaffirmed while Tony started escorting her towards the waiting Bentley.

“It’s not a date,” he reassured her.

Tony opened the door for her, but she turned to look at him once more, “But I don’t wanna be in your way.”

He wiggled his eyebrows and gave her a smirk, “Since when, Potts?”

 _It’s not a date_ , Pepper repeated the thought, before getting in the car with Tony close behind.

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's that for some backstory?


	3. The Not Dinner Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Nostalgia - it's delicate but potent... In Greek, 'nostalgia' literally means 'the pain from an old wound.' It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone." ―Don Draper, Mad Men.

** Present day, October, Manhattan NY: **

The car ride from the SI headquarters to the Stark family home was, for lack of a better term, quite uneventful. Tony mostly talked about the company’s latest ventures – how SI was trying to bring the Intelli-Crop technology to third world countries to help feed the poor, the proprietary Arc Reactor Technology as part of the company’s clean energy initiative, and the advances SI’s medical division was making like the cybernetic prosthetic legs targeted to help injured members of the military – and Pepper listened, enraptured. She realized so much had indeed changed as she listened to Tony talk about the direction he wanted his company to take in the foreseeable future, she noted the spark in his eyes when he mentioned the plans he hoped would help continue the legacy of his mother through the Maria Stark Foundation, and she noted the sincerity of his intention to provide funding for the numerous projects of MIT students through establishing the September Grant – “ _There’s just so much untapped potential with those kids, they deserve to be given a chance_ ,” he had told her.

Through it all, she recognized that he really was a changed man, very far from the irresponsible trust fund kid with alcohol problems and a devil-may-care attitude she left more than a decade ago. He also seemed healthy, there was no trace of the deep, dark circles that used to haunt his eyes, neither could she detect any hint of the usual smell of alcohol… and women. And although they had not yet discussed his son that much, she had inferred from how he talked about the kid earlier that morning that he was a proud and adoring father. It was very much evident that he was really becoming the man she had always wanted, _hoped_ he would be, and, somewhat bitterly, she wished he could have been _that_ for her, much, much earlier. Because she really needed him, too, at one point fifteen years ago, but she chose to move away and be her own person because it was clear that he could not be there for her then.

She was interrupted from her thoughts when the car finally pulled over in front of the familiar six-storey, Beaux-Arts townhouse that had always served as the Stark family home.

“We’re here, Pep, 4 East 74th Street. Do you remember?” Tony asked as he held the door open, waiting for her to step out of the car.

She quietly nodded as she took in the house that she remembered a little too well. The house had retained its limestone façade which included a bowed portico atop garland-swaged columns, a carved stone balcony, two-storey bay window, limestone quoins, and red brick. As they stepped inside the foyer, she was greeted by a traditional painting which was balanced by a wild settee, with the remainder of the house covered in white, beige, and grey, just exactly as she remembered it. Clearly, the man had changed, but everything else had not.

Tony offered to take her coat and observed her take in the rest of the house. “It’s exactly how you remembered it, right?” He smiled when she realized he knew what she was thinking, “I couldn’t bear to change anything. Mom always did the redecorating and…” he paused, not knowing how to put it into words. “I guess the house is one of the few things from my past that I wanted to hold on to...” he gazed at her this time, more intently than she would have preferred, “It’s one of the few things from my past _worth_ holding on to.”

She held his gaze, an understanding coming across between them, a kind of truce. “I guess you’re right,” she softly answered before averting her gaze from his in an attempt to ease the almost palpable tension in the room. She took a deep breath before looking at him again, smiling this time, “So are you going to cook? Because I remember I was promised dinner that’s supposed to be better than the low-fat yogurt I was looking forward to at home,” she teased him.

 _The first smile she gave me that actually reached her eyes,_ he thought gladly. God, he could look at her all day.

“Alright, Potts,” he walked towards the kitchen while he motioned for her to wait at the family room. “Make yourself at home while I work on our dinner.”

“I think it’s better if I join you,” Pepper told him smirking as she followed him into the kitchen. “Just to make sure you don’t end up with a half uncooked, half burnt omelet three hours later.”

Tony stopped in his tracks, silently kicking his self for feeling like a teenager just because she remembered his first (failed) attempt to cook for her. Recovering, he flashed her his most charming smile, intentionally giving her that smoldering look he knew she could never say no to.

“You wound me, Potts,” he said in that irresistible, deep, husky baritone, “But I’m flattered you remember.”

He winked at her then proceeded to work on their dinner, leaving Pepper standing breathless by the kitchen counter.

\---- --- ----

“How are you doing there, Pep?” Tony asked as he stirred the Bolognese sauce he had been working on. Pepper, on the other hand, was adding some spinach on the Waldorf salad she had elected to serve as their side dish in an attempt to make the meal as healthy as possible. Tony had scoffed at that suggestion but let her loose in his kitchen anyway.

“We are doing great,” she answered as she tossed some walnut halves to the bowl of salad. “Although I could really use some goji berries here instead of raisins.”

“The pantry, on your left,” he told her, as he paused for a while to contemplate how they easily fell back into old patterns, as if they had been doing this every day and the past fifteen years never happened. _I could really get used to this,_ he thought before Rhodey’s voice reminding him not to do anything rash could echo in his mind.

Pepper found what she was looking for and smiled in satisfaction when the goji berries added that little bit of nice color to the greens. She then went over to Tony and grabbed the wooden spoon from him to sample the sauce while he turned off the stove. He watched her intently as she reached for the glass container overhead.

“What’s wrong with the sauce?”

“Nothing. I’m just so happy to have a homecooked meal. It just needs a little salt,” she said while adding a pinch, her other hand stirring the Bolognese.

“What, it’s perfect,” Tony countered as he moved over to her other side to check on the pappardelle.

“Just a pinch.”

“You haven’t changed a bit, you always have to be in control,” Tony glanced at her, gauging her reaction.

“Hmm, well, I don’t remember _you_ complaining,” she replied, giving him a knowing smile.

 _Oh, Pepper Potts, you saucy little minx,_ Tony shook his head, amused.

He then began setting the salad and the plates on the counter-height dining table in the corner of the kitchen. Pepper followed suit bringing the sauce and the pappardelle. They ate in silence, or rather Pepper ate in silence while Tony just watched her.

“What?” Pepper asked, eyebrows raised as she took a sip from her wine.

“I just can’t believe you’re back...” he uttered before he could stop himself. Realizing he had just made things awkward, he quickly backpedaled, and tried to fake a pout to keep things light, “Plus, you haven’t complimented my cooking. I told you this will be way better than your low-fat yogurt.”

“Don’t try to be cute, Tony. Those days are way behind you.”

“And here I thought I was getting better looking every day.”

He pretended to act hurt. Pepper just rolled her eyes. Just like the old times.

\---- --- ----

They finished dinner shortly after and Tony began loading the plates in the dishwasher, while Pepper placed some of the leftovers in the fridge. She took a moment to simply observe Tony in the kitchen, and had anyone told her back then that this would be Tony fifteen years later, she would not have believed it. He was sober now, responsible, and a father. As selfish as it may sound, her heart ached at the thought. She was glad he had his priorities sorted out and that he was able to clean up his act, but a part of her wished that he could have done that _with_ her, _for_ her back when she needed him the most. She waited for him, she really did. She even thought about going back when she heard about his divorce, but so many things needed to be said and there were secrets that she decided need not be revealed, so she opted to stay away. And right now, as she stood in Tony’s kitchen, she began to wonder why she came back in the first place.

She was not lying when she told him that the offer was too good to pass up on, as she was also looking for a good reason to move back to New York. She thought she was ready, because he had moved on and she had moved on and fifteen years was more than enough time to allow two people with so much history to coexist in a small island. She was also ready to leave Los Angeles behind, ready to start a new life, a clean slate with Aldrich and she could not do that in L.A. Because while her stay in L.A. had been professionally rewarding, the place also gave her the most painful memories, painful enough for her to consider moving back to New York.

She was so lost, deep in her thoughts that she had not realized she was absent-mindedly stroking the inner aspect of her left wrist and that Tony was watching her closely.

“Earth to Pepper?”

“Sorry, you were saying?” She asked, taking a deep breath and trying to refocus.

“I was saying that I talked to Rhodey earlier today, and he wanted to say hi.” Tony then took her left wrist, turning it over. “Hey, what happened here?” he asked concerned, referring to the thick pale line of scar running from her wrist to her inner elbow.

“It’s nothing,” she said, gently withdrawing from his grasp, “It was from an old accident back in L.A.”

Tony nodded, still concerned but decided not to pursue the subject as Pepper did not seem keen on rehashing what happened. He took the remaining glasses off the table and brought them to the sink for rinsing when the kitchen phone beside Pepper started ringing.

“Can you grab that, Pep? And if it’s my son, be nice to him,” he teased, trying to lighten the mood.

Pepper just nodded, picking up the phone beside her. Before she could even say a word, she heard a teenage boy from the other end.

_“Dad?”_

“Hold on a second, let me get him for you,” she smiled, handing Tony the receiver, “It’s your son.”

Tony took it from her, never tearing his eyes off her, “Hey, kid, what’s up?... She’s an old friend… Uh-huh… Yeah, I probably left my phone in my coat… I’ll see you tomorrow… Yeah, love you, too, kid.”

“He sounds like a good kid,” Pepper remarked as Tony replaced the receiver back to its cradle.

“The sweetest, too,” Tony smiled in agreement as they started walking out of the kitchen. “Believe it or not, a fourteen year-old boy still calling his dad just to say good night is a rare breed. Sometimes I find myself wishing that he stops growing up so fast.”

“You’re a good dad, Tony,” she said, stopping at the foyer.

“Well, I try to be,” Tony replied as he helped her with her coat. “So, the Firefighter’s Family Fund Benefit is in two days, you’re going right? Mom’s foundation hosts it annually.”

“I remember. And I’m your CEO, I think it’s a given that I must be there,” she sounded amused.

“Fair enough. So, I’ll pick you up at eight?”

Pepper bit her lip, not wanting to disappoint him. “That won’t be necessary. I’ll just see you there. Lincoln Center, right?”

“Right,” Tony said trying not to sound frustrated. A beat, then he tried to tease her. “It’s because you’re going with someone, aren’t you? What’s his name?”

Pepper just smiled at him, shaking her head. She wondered if she should tell him about Aldrich, but she decided to shelve that topic for another day. It had already been a really long day after all.

Tony seemed to have read her thoughts so he decided not to push it, for now. He looked at her intently though, wanting to be sure that she knew he meant everything he was about to say, “Alright. Well, whoever he is I’m sure he can’t keep up with you.”

Every once in a while, she really did get reminders that Tony Stark knew her so well, so much so that it felt both touching and scary at the same time.

“Well, I’m gonna take that as a compliment. Thank you for the dinner, Tony,” she reached out to gently squeeze his shoulder.

“Yeah, it was almost… fun,” he held her gaze, thinking how to best say good bye in this situation. A handshake would be too formal, a kiss on the cheek would be too familiar. He was still debating the thought in his head when Pepper gave him an out by turning her back towards him, clearly ready to go, leaving him no choice but to get the door for her.

He walked her towards the waiting Bentley, grabbed the door open for her, and watched her step into the car.

“Good night, Tony.”

He looked at her – trying to memorize the way she looked tonight, the sound of her laughter, the lilt of her voice – like a little kid worried he would wake up the following morning only to find that everything that happened was nothing but a dream.

“Good night, Pep.”

He closed her door and watched the car drive down the street, into the night.

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I tried to count, but we'll probably know what happened in L.A. eleven chapters from now.


	4. The Firefighter's Family Fund Benefit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Your entire life could fall apart because of one kiss." ―Dawson Wade Leery, Dawson's Creek.

** Present day, October, Manhattan NY: **

Peter Benjamin Parker-Stark stepped out of the shower earlier than he usually did. He had arrived home early that morning, coming from his Star Wars marathon turned sleepover at Ned’s, to make sure he had adequate time to shower and grab some breakfast before heading to the SI headquarters. When you think about it, he could have gone directly to SI anyway, but being the thoughtful son that he was (bless his soul), he also knew that the only way his dad would actually eat some breakfast was if he made sure of it. Tony Stark was a lot of things, but he was not exactly a fan of breakfast that consisted of anything more than his usual cup, or cups, of black coffee.

While one might think that the breakfast alibi was pretty weak (because frankly, it really was), he came home early because he had the slightest inkling that his father actually had a dinner date the night before, a date apparently special enough to be given the privilege of answering phone calls, let alone being invited to their home. So sue him, but he was curious. His Uncle Rhodey once told him that his dad used to be New York’s biggest playboy, but honestly, he had never seen him in action (and thank God for that). Sure there was the occasional flirting during parties, his dad had always been a charmer after all, but for as long as Peter was old enough to remember, he had never seen his dad go on an actual date, let alone bring anyone home. Well, at least until last night, he thought.

As soon as he was dressed and ready, he went downstairs to the kitchen and got the coffee maker started while he proceeded to warm some bagels. It was almost seven in the morning but his father usually would not be up for another hour, so it was actually a surprise when he heard him coming down the stairs before he was even done with the bagels. He perked up his ears, trying to listen hard if his father was alone, but whether it was a testament to how soundproof these walls were or not, as far as he could tell, his dad was the only one descending the stairs.

“Morning, Dad,” Peter greeted him while pushing the cup of coffee he had poured for his father as the latter grabbed a stool to sit by the breakfast counter. His dad actually looked… _exhausted_ , and being a teenager, quite a number of scenarios automatically played in Peter’s head. “You okay, Dad? Rough night?”

“You could say that. I wasn’t exactly able to sleep,” Tony said as he grabbed the cup of coffee. “When did you get here? I didn’t hear you come in last night.”

“Oh, I slept at Ned’s. I got here an hour ago, I wanted to take a shower and grab some breakfast before going to SI,” Peter distractedly answered. He was craning his neck after all, throwing intermittent glances towards the kitchen door as if waiting for someone to pop in anytime. “How was your night, Dad?” he asked trying to sound nonchalant, he _really_ tried.

“Hmm, the usual,” Tony said in between sips of his coffee.

A quiet moment passed but it was then cut short when Tony noticed Peter repeatedly glancing towards the kitchen door and grinning while he was at it, too. Now, Peter had always been a ball of energy, but he was not usually this… _sprightly_ especially considering the hour. _What did he do?_ he thought as he furrowed his brows, already wondering what kind of mess he would find in the basement laboratory this time.

“I didn’t realize that you find that kitchen door very interesting. Why are you so chipper? And why are you grinning?”

“Well,” Peter thought about how to best phrase his answer while stifling a grin, “I was just wondering if your _date_ would be joining us for breakfast.”

“What are you talking—”

“Do you want some bagels, Dad?” Peter interrupted, any attempt to stifle his laughter gone now. The kid was grinning from ear to ear, it was almost annoying and adorable at the same time.

“No, I do not want bagels. What I want to know is, what _date_ are you talking about?”

“Well, I thought whoever you had dinner with last night was special enough for you to bring here,” Peter shrugged as he poured himself a glass of juice, “Let alone allow her to answer the phone. And since you said you weren’t able to _sleep,_ I thought she spent the night and…”

“Oh _that,_ ” Tony quickly interrupted before Peter could hypothesize any further. “I told you, she’s an old friend. She recently moved back to New York and since _you_ ditched me for Star Wars, I invited her over. Besides, it would be a shame to have the planned Bolognese go to waste. It’s your fault by the way.”

Peter narrowed his eyes and looked at his dad curiously, rather unconvinced. He could not help but grin, widely grin.

“So she’s _that_ special that you even cooked for her. Wow, Dad,” he was _very_ much amused at this point now, “I don’t think it was my fault. If anything, _you_ owe _me._ You should be glad I ditched you last night.”

Tony just rolled his eyes at Peter who looked very pleased with himself. But to be perfectly honest, _she_ really was _that_ special, and maybe he _did_ owe Peter one. Tony shook his head at that realization, _What the hell._

“Kid, just because I cook for you, it doesn’t make you any more special. Don’t flatter yourself too much,” he teased Peter, hoping that his son would finally drop the topic and move on. “And just so you know, it wasn’t a date,” he added, belatedly realizing he had used Pepper’s exact words from last night.

Peter laughed at his dad’s defensiveness and gathered his things before slinging his bag over his shoulder. He was about to go and bid his dad good bye when he stopped by the kitchen door and turned to look at his dad, seriously this time.

“Dad,” he began, all traces of humor and teasing gone, “You know that I don’t actually remember Mom that much, right? And I hope this doesn’t make me a bad son to her, but for what it’s worth, I just want you to know that it’s okay if you do decide to pursue someone. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad to have a stepmom after all. And I don’t care if it’s this long lost friend, or even someone new like Ms. Potts, who knows. As long as she makes you happy, Dad.”

Tony almost choked at that. “I’ll keep that in mind, kid,” he told Peter before his son went out the door.

_She did make me happy, kid. And somehow, she still does._

\---- --- ----

“Well it just seems to me that you’re the one who doesn’t want to be seen together in public.”

Pepper Potts took a deep breath and slowly counted to five before lifting her phone back to her ear. She and Aldrich had been through this, they had had different variations of this argument one too many times already. Only this time, he had asked her to be his date to the Firefighter’s Benefit (he was to represent his company), but she had declined for two reasons. For one, she knew Aldrich just wanted her to be his arm candy, which was not only insulting to her but to Stark Industries as well – she was supposed to represent SI to the event after all. The other reason was that she thought it would be in bad taste to bring a date to an event being held in honor of a former boyfriend’s mother, but of course Aldrich did not need to know that. So she had suggested, instead, that they both go, but not together. Now, Aldrich was trying to turn the tables against her by accusing her that she did not want to make their relationship public, which she found hilarious, if she had a wicked sense of humor, because he was actually the one who was not making any attempts to fend off the advances of the many, many models he _happened_ to just run into during his business trips.

“Well I _do_ want to be seen together, I just don’t want to see you with anyone else,” she sighed deeply before continuing, “Tell your models that you’re seeing someone.”

“I will, I do tell them, Pepper. But you know those conversations take a little time…”

“They’ve got nothing but time, Aldrich. They’re twenty five,” she told him almost exasperatedly. “I have to go. I’ll see you at the Lincoln Center tomorrow.”

She ended the call just as she turned a corner and spotted the R&D department. She decided to drop by for a visit to keep herself updated on the company’s latest ventures which Tony had discussed with her last night. She stepped inside and tried to look for the assistant department head when a young intern approached her, rather cheerfully.

“Good morning, Ms. Potts. May I help you with anything?”

She looked at the kid and she could not help but be reminded of a younger version of Tony. He had the same wavy mop of dark brown hair, the same set of chocolate brown eyes, and the same chiseled jawline, although the nose and the chin were a bit different. The resemblance was there and she would have thought this kid was Tony’s had she not seen the badge he was wearing: _Peter Benjamin Parker._

“Peter Parker, right?” She smiled at the kid, a bit amused at the fact that she almost thought this kid was Tony’s son. “I’m looking for the assistant department head, actually. He’s supposed to give me a run-through of our latest projects. Would you know where I can find him?”

“He’s at his office, Ms. Potts,” Peter politely pointed at the far end of the section, “Third door on your left.”

“Alright,” Pepper gave him a small smile, “I’ll see you around. Thank you, Peter.”

Peter could not help but grin as he watched her walk away. He took out his phone to send his dad a message.

\---- --- ----

Tony was working on his Roadster when he got Peter’s message:

> _Hey, Dad. I finally saw Ms. Potts in person._  
>  _If you like her more than your “not date” last night, that’s okay, too._  
>  _I think you’d look good together._ 😏

“Huh,” Tony could not help but grin.

_You haven’t the slightest idea, kid._

\---- --- ----

A sign which read “The Firefighter’s Family Fund” was decked along the exterior of the Lincoln Center that night. The place was packed with cameras left and right, snapping photos of the crowd which was a mix of kingmakers, politicians, socialites, celebrities, and businessmen. There were the usual sounds of chatter and camera flashes, when all of sudden, all cameras swung over to a fast-approaching silver Audi R8 which Tony Stark, clad in a three-piece Armani, exited from a few moments later.

He smiled for the cameras for a short while before heading inside the center. Inside, the party was already in full swing with a classy band playing and some polite dancing. Tony passed a few whispering patrons and waved at some members of the board as he tried to scan the room for his CEO, and that was when he saw her.

She was standing across the room in a blue silk v-neck flowy dress with an open back and fishtail train, her strawberry blonde hair down in loose waves perfectly framing her face. She was breathtaking, and for a while there, Tony was content to simply soak in the perfect image of her, committing every detail to his memory – the way the lights hit her hair, the graceful but confident way she carried herself, the way she smiled. It was almost as if he was seeing her again for the very first time, and it was in that moment that it dawned on him how he was so in love with her still, that he had always been, after all those years. His heart ached at the realization, and suddenly he longed to be near her. He crossed the hall to reach her, his heart beating wildly.

“You look… you look like you should be wearing this every day,” he told her, almost surprising her in the process as she was gazing intently in the direction of the staircase, “Are you by yourself?”

“Yes,” Pepper smiled at him, “And you look dapper, yourself.”

“You want to dance?”

“Oh, no…”

“Alright, come on,” he gently took her hand and started leading her towards the middle of the dance floor. They danced in silence, with Tony gazing intently at her, and Pepper trying to avoid his gaze. “Am I making you uncomfortable?” he asked, worried.

“No, I’m just,” she glanced towards the staircase once more before shaking her head and faking a smile, “It’s nothing.”

But Tony had noticed what she was looking at, or rather, _who_ she was looking at, and as quickly as the realization that he was still in love with her came to him, so did the knowledge that she was already someone else’s. He felt something clench his heart, and he honestly thought it would just stop beating right there and then. Still, he had to know.

“You and Aldrich Killian?”

“I don’t know, Tony,” she admitted sadly, “But he wanted to be in this committed relationship and yet look at him. He was not exactly fending off those models.”

Tony took a deep breath, slightly grateful to have Pepper in his arms because otherwise he probably would have already caused a scene by throwing a punch or two at the guy.

“So you’re spying on him. Do you actually like this guy, Pepper?”

“I think I do, yes. And no, I’m not spying on him” Pepper shook her head almost in resignation, and it hurt him to see her this way, “I’m just keeping track of his whereabouts.”

“Well,” Tony said, clenching his jaw, “So long as you’re watching, he’s winning.”

“Well, what would you have me do?”

And that was when Tony, against his better judgment, leaned forward to kiss her softly then passionately, as he put a hand at the back of her neck to pull her gently towards him. He held her close as he kissed her, fervently, knowing he was about to lose her again for the second time and that there was nothing he could do to stop it from happening. But she kissed him back, too, and that alone was enough to soothe his wounded soul, and his broken heart.

When he finally pulled back, he saw that she was breathless and almost on the verge of tears. He was about to apologize when Pepper beat him to it.

“That was uhm… unexpected,” Pepper said in between breaths, never taking her eyes off of his.

“Yeah…” he tried to gauge her reaction but she did not seem angry or offended and at this point, he really would not be surprised if she were. “Give him 20 minutes,” he told her, slightly nodding in Aldrich Killian’s direction.

“Okay… I need a drink. I would like a—”

“Vodka martini, extra dry, with at least three olives, right?” Tony gave her a small smile, “I remember.”

Pepper just quietly nodded and went on to seek respite on a settee she found in a quiet corner near the elevator while Tony got their drinks. She took a deep breath, trying to process what just happened, and more importantly, trying to find an explanation as to why she kissed him back. She tried to calm her thoughts and before she was able to make any progress, Tony was back with their drinks. He sat next to her and handed her the martini which she gratefully accepted and took a sip from.

“I just needed a moment,” she said by means of an explanation, “That… What happened…”

“The kiss…” Tony helpfully supplied.

“Yeah, it made me feel a bit—”

“Nostalgic?” he said, trying to tread carefully.

But then she furrowed her brows when she found the right word, “Nauseous.”

“Why… Ouch…” Tony was clearly taken aback, a look of confusion clouding his face.

“No…” she tried to reassure him even if she had no idea why she needed to, “I’m kidding… Kind of… I’m sorry, Tony.”

“Right, uhm… Pep, look at me.” He waited for her to actually meet his gaze before he continued, “I’m sorry I kissed you, but I did it because that… Aldrich? He doesn’t appreciate what’s right in front of him… And I thought he should know how it feels to lose you. Because trust me, it’s not fun.”

He gave her a small smile, but Pepper just sat there staring at him while she fought back the tears that were threatening to fall. If anything, she was more confused, now more than ever, and she could not help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, she was making a mistake in _choosing_ Aldrich. But it was evident that Tony did mean for Aldrich to see that kiss, so there really was no choice to make to begin with. Clearly, it was all a ploy to make Aldrich jealous and as she saw him walk towards where they were seated, she looked at Tony and whispered in a low voice, “I think it worked.”

“Pepper, may I speak with you for a moment?” Aldrich said, then turning to Tony, “If you’ll excuse us.”

Tony just nodded at her, so she looked at him one last time before standing up and walking away with Aldrich to finally talk.

\---- --- ----

Tony sighed deeply as he watched Pepper and Aldrich talk quietly at the other end of the room. He saw her nod as Killian seemed to give her some sort of explanation before finally giving her a kiss on the cheek, indicating that a truce had been reached.

“Happy to help,” he muttered to himself.

He stood up defeatedly and as he stepped inside the elevator, he could not help but wonder how he lost her again for the second time.

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My heart broke, because they were on the same page and then they weren't.
> 
> 🎧 Unsteady by X Ambassadors | for the last part by the elevator


	5. The Thanksgiving Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “She wasn't doing a thing that I could see, except standing there leaning on the balcony railing, holding the universe together.” ―J.D. Salinger, A Girl I Knew.

** Present day, November, Manhattan NY: **

A week had passed since the night of the Firefighter’s Family Fund Benefit and Pepper had not heard from Tony since. He had not dropped by at the SI headquarters either, although his assistant had told her that he was still in New York and that matters which needed his approval and signatures were being forwarded to his house. Nobody in the office knew the reason behind the setup (well, it was not like anyone would dare ask anyway), after all, it was not exactly unusual for Tony Stark to get his work done remotely from the office. It had been his usual modus operandi anyway.

She had tried calling him as well, one too many times in fact, and she had always been redirected to his voicemail. A voicemail, on the other hand, was one thing she would not dare try leaving. For one, she had no idea what to say, and for another, she did not want to sound… _desperate,_ for want of a better term. But as she stood there in front of the familiar Beaux-Arts townhouse, a few contracts and R&D designs on hand, she wondered if leaving a voicemail would not have been so bad after all, at least compared to what she was doing right now.

Before she could change her mind and turn back the way she came from, Happy Hogan waved at her just as he emerged from the door carrying a suitcase. She almost blushed when she saw Happy, and silently hoped that the man’s discretion would get the better of him so that she would not have to explain why she was just standing there in front of Tony’s house, for the past 10 minutes.

“Happy, hey,” she greeted him, nodding towards the suitcase he was carrying, “Is Tony going somewhere?”

“Tony? No. The suitcase is mine, I’m flying out a week early for Thanksgiving with my sister’s family.” Happy then noted the contracts and designs she was holding and asked, “Are those for Tony?”

“Yes, I’m…” Pepper narrowed her eyes trying to think on her feet, “I was in the area, thought I’d drop these off.”

“Well then, step inside,” he said as he held the door open for Pepper. “He’s in the workshop in the basement. I’m sure you remember the way,” he added before waving Pepper off.

Pepper nodded then stepped inside and paused at the foyer to hang her coat. “Okay,” she took a deep breath before heading down towards the garage, “I just happen to be in the area and decided to drop these off.”

\---- --- ----

The workshop, which was basically a lab on one end and a garage on the other, was in chaos, accurately mirroring the inside of Tony’s head at the moment. There were drone parts scattered along long-abandoned prototypes, several screens displaying various CAD images of a Flathead engine, sports cars lined up on one end of the workshop, and a few framed photos of Tony and his dad working on a classic ’32 Ford. AC/DC was blaring in the background while Tony, grimy in sweatpants and an undershirt, was lying on a creeper busily working on the undercarriage of the same ’32 Ford as in the photo.

The music was loud enough for him not to notice that Pepper had entered the workshop until he saw her dainty feet stuck in four-inch stiletto heels. He rolled out of the undercarriage to see that those feet were connected to long slim legs hugged perfectly by faded skinny jeans and seamlessly complemented by a beige v-neck knit confetti sweater. He thought she looked divine, but then again, when didn’t she ever?

Tony sighed deeply as he got off the creeper and wiped the grease from his hands with a rug that was lying on his worktable. He tapped on one of his screens which muted the music before crossing his arms as he faced her and regarded her fully.

“What are you doing here, Pepper?”

“Oh, I… Happy let me in, and—”

“Let me ask that question another way,” he interrupted her, still unmoving, “Did you break up with Killian again? Is that why you're here?”

He knew the comment stung and he did not realize that he was still mad about what happened at the benefit until then. He knew, though, that he was not mad at her, he was angry about the fact that he royally fucked up and lost his chance to be with her, the one woman who could very well eviscerate him without her realizing it. So he let those pent up anger out and let her deal with it in whatever way she deemed fit. _I just couldn’t care anymore_ , he thought bitterly.

“Well, what did I do to deserve such a thorny welcome?”

She actually seemed apologetic and… _confused_ , and Tony took a moment to remind himself that while he just had his heart broken and his pride wounded, to Pepper, what happened at the benefit was a ruse that he himself set out to sell. So yes, it was a successful ploy but it backfired on him, and Pepper did not ask for it. She most certainly did not ask him to kiss her, nor did she ask him to pour the feelings he had no idea still existed into that kiss. It was all him, and he could not help but soften up a bit towards her. After all, she stayed with him all those years when he was not even deserving of her support let alone her love. The least he could do was try his best to be civil towards her, as much as possible.

“I’m sorry,” he raised his hands in surrender, “I’m not really in the mood to play games. I don’t know what’s happening and you showing up here randomly doesn’t make figuring things out any easier.” There, he said it. It was the closest thing to the truth, to _his_ truth anyway.

Pepper seemed to take it all in as she nodded quietly to herself. “I’m sorry I bothered you, really. I was in the area and I thought I’d save your assistant the hassle of sending these,” she said as she dropped the blueprints and contracts on his worktable before heading out of the workshop.

“Pepper, wait…”

He knew she had something to say, because honestly, she could do so much better than that poor excuse with the contracts and blueprints. She turned to face him, eyes red and brimming with unshed tears.

“It’s okay, Tony. I understand.”

As Tony stood there and watched her leave the workshop, the only thought that crossed his mind was that pushing her away was the one thing he had perfected lately, so much so that he wished she never moved back to New York. Almost.

\---- --- ----

Thanksgiving had always been a pretty quiet affair at the Starks. For as long as Peter was old enough to remember, it had always been just close family – him, his dad, Uncle Rhodey, and occasionally Uncle Happy – and Peter had never had an issue with that. It had always been like that, their own unconventional definition of family, and this year was not any different (well, except for Uncle Happy who flew out to spend a couple of weeks with his sister’s family). The only thing, though, keeping his holiday spirits low was that his dad was anything but cheerful lately. He knew his dad tried to smile enough when he was around, but the man had basically spent the last two weeks with a cranky behavior and holing up in the workshop assembling and disassembling his vintage cars. He had never seen him in such a foul mood for that long that it slowly began to bother him.

There was at least some brief form of reprieve from the gloomy mood his dad was in when his Uncle Rhodey arrived the night before. After what appeared to be an overnight conversation and a few glasses of scotch between the two, Peter woke up to find his dad and uncle busy in the kitchen, in full holiday mode. He had thought his dad wanted some more time to talk to his best friend, so Peter elected himself to go on a coffee run while the two catch up some more. That was when he saw Ms. Potts sitting in a corner table, buried in a book while her cup of coffee began to cool down.

“Ms. Potts, hi!” Peter greeted her warmly.

“Peter, right? Peter Parker?”

Peter nodded, pleased she remembered. He was a bit surprised to see her though, it was Thanksgiving after all, and people were either busy preparing at home or had already left the city.

“Where are you spending Thanksgiving, Ms. Potts?” he asked before he could even stop himself. Now, Peter was generally a very polite kid, but there were times when his mouth would act faster than his brain. This was one of those times.

Ms. Potts did not seem to mind that he asked, though. She just smiled at him warmly, “It’s just me, Peter. Al– my friend was away for business so I thought I’d spend a quiet night instead.”

That was when something clicked in Peter’s head, because not only was he polite, but he happened to be a very smart kid, too.

“Ms. Potts, why don’t you spend Thanksgiving with us? I can’t let you spend it alone, that’s just not how it works.”

“Oh, no. Don’t worry about it—”

“I have to insist, Ms. Potts. Please?” Peter practically begged, giving her that signature brown eyed puppy look he knew nobody could say no to. He learned from the best after all. “It’s only me, my dad, and my uncle anyway. And they’re pretty cool, too.”

He could almost hear the internal debate Ms. Potts had been having in her head. She closed her eyes, then regarded him uncertainly.

“Please, Ms. Potts?”

 _There were those brown eyes again,_ Pepper thought.

She sighed deeply before nodding. “Okay,” she smiled at him, “But let’s get something for your dad first. What’s his favorite wine?”

Peter smiled feeling very accomplished and proud of himself. Not only would Ms. Potts have an _actual_ Thanksgiving dinner, but his dad, who he bet had been very fond of Ms. Potts, would also be in better spirits with her around. _It’s a win-win_ , he thought cheerfully as he took out his phone to text his dad.

> _Hey, Dad. Please set the table for four.  
>  I’m bringing someone to dinner. _😉

You see, he was a very smart kid after all.

\---- --- ----

“Peter, what are we doing here?”

Pepper Potts took pride with the fact that she had always been very good at keeping her emotions in check, a skill that, time and time again, had proven to be very effective in the corporate world. And if the panic that was going on in her head, and in her heart, was not enough to serve as proof of that skill, she honestly had no idea what would. Right now, as they stood in front of the familiar six-storey townhouse located at 4 East 74th Street, she appeared calm enough for Peter not to suspect that she had been here before, one too many times in fact.

“It’s my home, Ms. Potts,” Peter answered matter-of-factly, “Not bad, huh?”

She could not believe she had missed it – the boy had the same mop of wavy dark brown hair, the same set of dark brown eyes, and now that she thought about it, almost the same mannerisms. Not to mention that the wine she was holding right now, Ark Vineyard Cabernet Sauvignon, had always been Tony’s favorite. She did not know how old the boy was exactly, but he did not look any older than 14 or 15. _Peter Benjamin Parker_ , she remembered seeing the name printed on his SI badge. _Parker_. _Mary Fitzpatrick Parker._ How could she forget the name of the woman Tony chose over her?

“You okay, Ms. Potts?”

She nodded, wondering which details of the past were disclosed to this kid, if he even knew anything at all, about his father, his mother, about her.

“Peter, how did you know it was me when I dropped by in R&D two weeks ago?” she asked tentatively as they slowly walked towards the door.

“Oh, I did my homework. I guess it’s only prudent to know how the CEO of the company I’m interning for looks like, right?” Peter answered readily, “Just to be polite in case I bumped into you in the hallway or the elevator.”

So the kid had no idea who she was then.

“So, who’s at home?”

“Just my Dad and my Uncle,” Peter seemed to think about it for a second, “Well, he’s actually Dad’s best friend, not blood-related uncle, but a cool uncle nonetheless.”

 _Rhodes. At least someone could serve as a buffer,_ she thought.

“And your Mom?”

Peter stopped by the door, deep in thought, “Mom died when I was six, but she and Dad divorced when I was three. Honestly, I don’t remember much about her.” There was a beat before he asked, “Ms. Potts?”

“Yes, Peter?”

He looked really upset she was worried she brought it on when she asked about his mother, but then Peter seemed to have made up his mind after a deep thought.

“I didn’t mean to deceive you, but my full legal name’s actually Peter Benjamin Parker-Stark. It’s just that I wanted a _normal_ internship and I thought the Stark name could get in the way of that, so I used my mother’s name instead. Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is… Tony Stark’s my father.”

He looked so apologetic and innocent that she could not bring herself to get mad at him. There was still the panic going on in her head, but she could not hate the kid. It just was not possible, at all. He probably had noticed her reaction, too, because he continued.

“I think I should also warn you that my father had no idea that I invited you, but I think he’ll actually be pleased that I did,” Peter smiled, trying to reassure her. “You made quite the impression when he met you on your first day.”

Now _that_ was the part she was unsure about, because the last time she was here, just a week ago, Tony had been really furious. But she had no other choice than to hope for the best because Peter was already waiting for her at the foyer.

“Ms. Potts, you may hang your coat here. I’ll go ahead and give Dad a heads up.”

 _Yeah, I bet Tony would need that._ She could not agree more.

\---- --- ----

“What’s taking Peter so long?” James Rhodes asked his best friend as he took out the pie from the oven. “And what’s this?” he asked gesturing at the pie as he carried it to the granite countertop.

“ _That_ is Peter’s mixed berry pie. He made it himself, so don’t make fun of it,” Tony warned jokingly. “He sent a message telling me to set the table for four, he must have bumped into Ned on the way.”

As if on cue, they heard Peter came in to the foyer so they decided to meet the kid halfway through in the family room. Peter was basically bouncing, even more so than usual.

“Dad, you’ll never believe who I saw during my coffee run. She’s alone for the day, so I invited her instead, because it’s Thanksgiving and no one should celebrate alone. By the way, she had no idea you’re my Dad because remember, my SI badge says Parker instead of Stark? But I explained it to her just about five minutes ago in the foyer. So now, she knows I’m your kid. Anyway, you know her already, so I think we’re good.”

“Okay, okay,” Tony raised his hands to stop Peter, “Slow down, slow your roll. Breathe, kid. So what’s your girlfriend’s name?”

“Girlfriend?” Peter narrowed his eyes at his father, “I don’t have a girlfriend. But you, Dad, might soon have one.”

Peter left the family room to get his guest just as Tony and Rhodes shared a look of confusion, which was soon replaced by a mix of unease and surprise when they saw who Peter brought to join their Thanksgiving dinner.

Peter beamed proudly at the two older men. “Ms. Potts, you already know Dad, and this,” gesturing towards Rhodes, “is my Uncle Rhodey. Uncle Rhodey, this is Ms. Potts, Dad’s new CEO.”

Tony just stood there unmoving, none of his witty comebacks and cheesy one-liners were surfacing as his brain seemed to have short-circuited at the sight of Pepper in his living room, not to mention that he was still furious from their exchange at the workshop from a week ago. Rhodes was taken aback as well, but he was not a military man for nothing so it was not exactly a miracle, although Pepper would say it was a relief, that he recovered quickly enough before things got any more awkward than they already were.

“Lt. Col. James Rhodes,” Rhodes offered his hand to Pepper while looking at her knowingly, “It’s Pepper, right?”

Pepper just nodded and offered a polite smile while she shook his hand.

“Uhm, Pete,” Tony turned to the kid, finally recovering, “Rhodey just took out the pie from the oven, it’s on the countertop. Why don’t you finish it then bring it to the dining room? We’ll meet you there.”

“Sure, Dad,” Peter nodded at his father then disappeared towards the kitchen.

The uneasy tension in the room was so palpable that Pepper decided to break the ice by handing over the bottle of wine she bought for Tony.

“Happy Thanksgiving,” she said as Tony read the wine label. “I should have realized it’s your favorite when Peter picked that one.” She then looked at Tony to sincerely apologize, “I am so sorry. I saw Peter at SI two weeks ago and I thought he looked a bit like you but he introduced himself as Peter Parker, and I didn’t make the connection until we were already outside and I saw the house. Not to mention you never told me his name. But your kid was very insistent that I join you for Thanksgiving and…”

“Let me guess, he gave you that brown eyed puppy look?” Tony sounded more proud than amused. “It’s okay, Potts, we both know you can’t resist those.” He smiled suggestively at her, offering a truce, albeit a temporary one.

Pepper, for her part, would allow that, just this once. She turned to Rhodes instead, “I’m so glad to see you, Jim. I wish we were meeting in better circumstances,” she smiled weakly at him.

“This one’s not so bad,” Rhodes tried to sound reassuring, “Although what are we gonna do with Peter?”

“Well,” Pepper began, fixing her gaze at Tony, “I was able to deduce that Peter doesn’t know about me… from before. What does your kid know?”

“He definitely knew about me and his mother. Well, just the basics. Let’s not share too many details,” Tony began, going through an imaginary list in his head, “I guess he also knew about the alcohol problems and the playboy days from before he was born. He could Google that, anyway, if he wanted to.”

“So basically almost everything without me in it,” Pepper summarized for them.

Tony studied her carefully. _Was that hurt in her eyes? Disappointment? Regret?_

“Pepper, that’s not…”

“It’s okay, Tony,” she said meeting his eyes, “Let’s just try to get through this dinner, for now.”

Pepper then started walking in the direction of the dining room just as Rhodes shook his head at Tony in disagreement.

\---- --- ----

“So did you grow up in LA, Ms. Potts?” Peter asked in between bites of his lasagna, after they had covered Rhodes’ recent tour, Peter’s SI internship, and Peter’s plans for MIT. All four of them were startlingly enjoying Thanksgiving dinner in spite of the day’s surprises.

“Oh, I’m a born-and-raised New Yorker, Peter,” Pepper told him rather amiably, “I only moved to LA almost fifteen years ago, but before that, I was living in New York.”

“So did you know Dad when he was young? Before you moved to LA?”

“I… _heard_ about him, sure,” Pepper briefly glanced at Tony, “Who hasn’t, anyway? Back then, the paparazzi had a field day whenever your dad stepped outside.”

“Oh come on, Pep…”

Peter had laughed at that, but quickly stopped and furrowed his brows in confusion when his dad had commented. “Pep?” he asked as he threw an inquiring look at his dad, questioning him about the nickname.

Rhodes just waved a hand at Peter and shook his head, effectively dismissing Peter’s question.

 _That was weird_ , Peter thought, even for his Uncle Rhodey. In fact, all throughout dinner, his dad had been uncharacteristically non-hyperverbal, his Uncle Rhodey would frequently glance at the other two adults, and Ms. Potts seemed to be avoiding his father’s gaze.

“Pepper, would you like to try the pie?” Rhodes asked motioning for Peter to serve a slice on her plate, “Peter made that. He’s very proud.”

“Sure, what kind is this?”

“Mixed berries,” Peter replied.

That was when a thought, unbidden, suddenly came to Tony without warning, it was almost a reflex. Pepper was about to taste a forkful of the brown crust with purple filling, when Tony raised a hand seemingly to stop her while saying rather forcefully, “Pep, wait, don’t eat that.”

“Ouch, Dad, you could have said something—”

“Did you put strawberries in the filling, too?” Tony asked Peter urgently.

“Yeah, I did. Just a few though—”

“Pep, you can’t eat that. Here, let me take that from you,” Tony said as he took the plate away from Pepper and placed it on his side of the table.

“Why?” Peter was very confused now, “What’s wrong with the pie?”

“There’s nothing wrong with it, Peter,” Pepper tried to console him, “I’m just—”

“She’s allergic to strawberries…”

“Okay, Dad...” Peter said narrowing his eyes, “How did _you_ know that?”

The funny thing was Peter felt as if _he_ was the adult in the room at that time. His Dad said nothing and clenched his jaw in frustration, Pepper Potts just sighed deeply and closed her eyes as she buried her face in her hands, and James Rhodes just shook his head in resignation.

“Um...” Peter began softly, “Raise your hand if you’re over thirty and acting _really_ weird right now.” He looked at the three adults in the room with him, “Why are you talking like you know each other?” He then looked at his Dad, “Do you two know each other? Before SI?”

Pepper just looked at Tony with her eyebrows raised, nudging him to talk.

“Um...” Tony began, “We kind of _did_ know each other, a long, long time ago.”

“Know each other how?”

“We...” Tony took a deep breath before continuing. “We were a couple for five, almost six years before she moved to L.A. So your Uncle Rhodey has been friends with Pepper for a long time now, too. So is Happy.”

“So before Mom?” Peter asked evenly, treading carefully.

“I’m sorry, Peter,” Pepper stood up suddenly. “I need some air,” and she left in the direction of the balcony.

“Dad, you have _a lot_ of explaining to do,” Peter told his father, “But you need to go after her.”

Tony just nodded in defeat as he stood up to follow Pepper, and as soon as he was out of earshot, Peter turned to ask Rhodes.

“What happened there, Uncle Rhodey?”

“Pepper’s…” Rhodes paused thoughtfully, “She was your dad’s first great love.”

“I don’t think that she _was_ ,” Peter nodded in understanding, “Maybe she still is.”

\---- --- ----

Tony found Pepper leaning by the open balcony French doors, gazing at the quiet traffic ahead, arms crossed with her back turned towards him. The air had been extra chilly given the season, so he grabbed the fleece throw blanket Peter had left on the nearby couch earlier that day. He draped it on her shoulders as he approached, and it seemed like she appreciated the gesture.

“You okay?" he asked as he went to stand in front of her with his back against the railing of the carved stone balcony. “It’s cold out here and you’ve been here for quite a while now.”

“Yeah, but not long enough for me to fathom how you allowed me to walk into this situation.”

_So she’s angry._

Tony thought back to everything that happened between the two of them in the last couple of weeks since she arrived in the city, and all he could come up with was that he seemed to have screwed up every chance he got.

“Allowed you?” He tried to sound neutral, making sure his choice of words would not only anger her further. “Pep, you were the last person I expected to come through my front door today. Although,” he had thought about the next one because it was true, “It’s not like I would have sent you away had Peter told me you were coming. After all, you’re family.”

Pepper softened up a bit at that, _family_ , because somehow that would always ring true, even if he did not know it then, even if she refused to believe it now. She relaxed a bit then finally caught his gaze.

“You could’ve at least told me about Peter – his name, that he’s at SI. You knew it was only a matter of time before we run into each other. Is this really how you think I deserve to meet your son?”

_So she’s angry about that, too._

If Tony was being honest, the timing was just never right, there was never really a chance for the two to be in the same room at the same time. But to be even more honest, he had procrastinated – there were multiple occasions he could have told the kid about his shared history with Pepper – simply because he did not know how to tell his son about her, how she was probably the love of his life and how he chose to do what he thought was the right thing to do which effectively drove her away. He had no idea how to go about it in such a way that would not make his son feel… guilty, for want of a better term. It was never the kid’s fault after all.

“I honestly do not know what I do or do not owe you,” Tony paused trying to sort through the mess that was his head lately, “I mean, I have no idea how to tell the kid about our… history, because we haven’t actually defined what we are to each other.”

“Well,” she closed her eyes and took a breath to try to keep the bitterness from her voice, “Maybe this is the perfect chance to do it…”

“Pep...” he shook his head, trying to avoid her gaze, “Since you came back, these past few weeks have—”

“Have been what?” she looked at him, imploringly, blue eyes almost begging him to say something he should have said all those years ago.

_Have made me feel more alive than I’ve ever been in the past fifteen years…_

“You can’t even say it out loud, can you?” Pepper stared at him shaking her head, eyes brimming with unshed tears. “Why am I not surprised?”

“I can,” he was almost apologizing, “But there’s Killian, so I shouldn’t.”

It was her turn to avert her eyes from his gaze at the mention of Aldrich’s name, but she nodded in quiet agreement, somehow understanding where Tony was coming from. She moved from her place beside the French doors to join him, leaning on the balcony railing and looking out into the surprisingly quiet city.

“You know, for better or for worse, you’re one of my oldest friends.” It was probably not the most appeasing thing to tell her, but at least it was true and something he could be allowed to say out loud.

“Hmm, oldest friend?” Pepper actually sounded disappointed, much to his surprise. “It certainly did not feel that way when you kissed me at the Firefighter’s Benefit.”

 _I’ll take what I can get_ , he had wanted to say.

“I should go,” Pepper told him as she folded the fleece blanket and handed it back to him. “Please tell Peter, I’m sorry.”

“Let me drive you home,” he offered, wanting more time, even if it was just to be in her presence.

“Thank you, but no,” she kissed him on the cheek and he felt his heart constrict, “Good night, Tony.”

It occured to him that in the last couple of weeks since she had been back, all he ever did was watch her walk away. He shook his head, wanting to get rid of the thought. He pulled out his phone and called Rhodes.

“Tones?”

“Hey. Take any car you want, just make sure she gets home safe. Keys are in the workshop.”

He hung up, then decided he needed to talk to Peter.

\---- --- ----

“Hey, Pete,” Tony knocked on his son’s door shortly after Pepper left. “You up, buddy?”

Peter opened the door, dressed in cotton pajama pants and one of those science pun shirts, wearing a pair of glasses, physics book in hand. The kid slumped onto the bed and continued scribbling on his physics book while Tony sat beside him, back against the headboard.

“I came here because I thought you probably have questions,” Tony tried to tread lightly, “And because Pepper asked me to tell you that she’s sorry about what happened at dinner.”

“She left?” Peter closed the book and put it on his nightstand along with his glasses. He snuggled closer to his father who then affectionately ran his fingers through the young boy’s hair.

“Rhodey drove her home, but only after we talked. So...” he paused not really knowing where to begin, “What would you like to know?”

Peter seemed to ponder the question for a moment. “Tell me about Ms. Potts? From back then.”

“Hmm, let’s see.” Tony tried to think where to start, “I’ve practically known Pepper my whole life. We met when she was 15 and I was 18, I loved her right there and then...” he paused for a bit, remembering. “She made me wait, you know? So it wasn’t until two years later that we actually became a couple. And then your grandparents got in that car crash… well, you know the rest.”

Peter nodded quietly, “What happened then?”

“I wasn’t always the man that I am now, Pete...” There was regret in his voice and he made no effort to hide it, not to his son. “After Mom and Dad died, I spiraled out of control. It was a hazy five years, there was too much alcohol, partying… women. Until now, I still don’t understand why Pepper stayed through all of that – I hurt her, Pete, in more ways than one – but she stayed, even if I did not deserve her.”

“So what made her leave?” Peter asked, looking his father in the eye.

This was actually the part that Tony had been avoiding telling his son about, but there really was no other way to go about it. He took a deep breath and silently hoped that Peter would understand.

“Pete, your mother and I… I wasn’t exactly the best at relationships,” he began, trying to think of better ways to describe the situation. “I was committed to Pepper, well as committed as I could be given all the… philandering… and when I learned that your mother was pregnant, it was like a wakeup call for me to clean up my act.”

He paused trying to gauge Peter’s reaction but he seemed otherwise okay, so he continued. “When Pepper found out, she did not scream, she did not cry, she did not even get mad. I will never forget the way she looked that morning - her eyes were red but she fought back those tears while she calmly asked me what I planned to do. I couldn’t answer her at the time, so I walked out and holed up in the workshop for a while.” He paused, trying to collect his thoughts, “I loved Pepper, I really did, and I was man enough to tell her that she deserved better, but she still refused to leave me. In fact, when I think about it years later, she probably would’ve taken you as her own kid had I let her.” A lump was forming in his throat, but he pushed on, “So I told Pepper that I decided to marry your mother and that I plan to really try to make things work with her, for you. As it turned out, that was the only push Pepper needed. She finally let me go, she moved to L.A. and I never heard from her again. She never called, she never visited, almost as if she never existed.”

“I’m sorry, Dad...” Peter quietly told him.

“It’s okay, kid. It’s not your fault.” He looked at Peter wanting to make sure that the kid would understand what he was about to say next. "And I don’t want you thinking otherwise. It was never a choice between you and Pepper. I love you, kid. I only did what I think was best for you, and I want you to know that I did try to make it work with your mom. And Pepper, I loved her so much that I had to let go because I was not the man she needed me to be. She deserved better.”

Peter was so quiet that he thought the kid had fallen asleep until he softly whispered, “You still love her, Dad.” It was not a question.

“I guess you could say that…” He then tried to tease Peter to make the mood a bit lighter, “The next thing I know, she’s my CEO, I cooked that Bolognese for her, and my son was dragging her to my house for Thanksgiving.”

“So she was your _‘not date’_ then, from two weeks ago,” Peter smiled at the thought.

“You caught me, kid,” Tony chuckled lightly, relieved that Peter seemed to be taking everything well.

Peter furrowed his brows, deep in thought. “I didn’t mean to hear it, Dad, but I was heading to my room when I heard her say you kissed her at the benefit.”

“Well if you were at the benefit, you’d also know that it was a ploy to make her boyfriend jealous,” Tony explained rather bitterly.

“But it was real for you, wasn’t it?” Peter narrowed his eyes at him, eyeing him somewhat curiously. When he didn’t answer, Peter snuggled closer and closed his eyes instead. “You should tell her how you feel, Dad.”

Tony sat there deep in thought as he absent-mindedly ran his fingers through his son’s hair; the kid already asleep beside him. He took out his phone and scrolled over to Pepper’s name, contemplating if he should make the call or not. He pressed call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Pepper, it’s me…”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s good,” he glanced at Peter briefly silently thanking his son for giving him the push he did not know he needed. “I guess... I just called to tell you what I should’ve told you all those years ago.”

“It’s okay, Tony, You don’t have to—”

“I’m sorry that I gave up on us when you never did,” he told her, meaning every single word. “And I never should have let you let me go.”

\---- --- ----

“I’m sorry that I gave up on us when you never did... And I never should have let you let me go.”

“Tony…”

The call ended before Pepper could say anything and she had not realized she had been staring at her phone until she heard Rhodes asked, “Everything okay?” as they pulled over in front of her apartment building.

“Yeah, it was Tony, everything’s okay.” She was still thinking about the call and had not realized that she was absent-mindedly stroking the scar over her left arm.

Rhodes noticed what she was doing and he thought for a moment whether to broach the subject or not, but decided that he probably should ask. “Pepper, have you told Tony about what happened in L.A.? The accident?”

Pepper shook her head, sighing deeply, “You didn’t tell him, did you?”

“You know that I don’t like keeping secrets from Tony, but it’s not my story to tell.” Rhodes regarded her seriously, “But don’t you think he deserves to know?”

“It’s not going to help anyone, Jim. It’s not going to change anything.” She paused for a while to pull herself together, “I’m sorry, Jim, I really am. Drive safe?”

Rhodes just quietly nodded and watched as Pepper stepped out of the car. _He deserves to know_ , he thought as he hit reverse and headed back to 74th. _He deserves to know._

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The conversation in the balcony was loosely based on one of Rufus & Lily's best.  
> And I included the "I never should have let you let me go," line. Well, somebody had to.
> 
> 🎧 Apologize by OneRepublic | for the balcony and the last phone call


	6. The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Chemistry. If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing...timing. But timing's a bitch.” ―Robin Scherbatsky, How I Met Your Mother.

** Present day, November, Manhattan NY: **

"Is your dad up yet?"

Peter looked up from the breakfast table to see his Uncle Rhodey all dressed up and ready for the day, hair neat and clean shaven, looking every bit like the military man that he was. It was only half past six in the morning, way too early for a kid like Peter but probably a bit late already for the airman. And definitely, definitely early for someone like Tony Stark.

“I think that was a rhetorical question, so I’ll just get this coffeemaker started for you,” Peter chuckled as he stood up from his stool to grab a mug and get the coffee started. “I’d ask you if you want cereals but I’m pretty sure I’m the only one here who eats those for breakfast.”

Rhodes laughed at that while he went over the pantry to get the supplies he needed, “You want some pancakes, kid? I’ll whip some.”

“Thanks, Uncle Rhodey,” Peter grinned and returned the box of cereals he was meaning to pour on a bowl. “Did everything go well with Ms. Potts last night?” He had to ask, he still felt a bit responsible for the Thanksgiving drama which ensued the night before.

Rhodes paused for a moment remembering his conversation with Pepper but chose to let it go, just like what he had done for the past years. It was not his story to tell after all. “Everything’s as good as it can be, kid. She seemed fine when I gave her a ride home. Don’t worry about it.”

“Well, I didn’t know about their history,” Peter contemplated as he watched the older man pour some batter into the pan, “I just thought Dad had this crush on Ms. Potts and I thought I’d play matchmaker, so I invited Ms. Potts to dinner. I haven’t seen him _that_ interested on someone, you know? Actually, I haven’t seen him interested on anyone at all. Until Ms. Potts.”

“Hmm, so now you know why,” Rhodes winked at Peter as he flipped some pancakes. “Those two go way back. There’s just too much history between them it might take a while for things to thaw, but they’ll be fine, trust me. Did Tony finally tell you about Pepper?”

“Yeah, he did,” Peter nodded while grabbing some plates. “He wouldn’t say it verbatim, but he still loves her.”

“I’m sure he does,” Rhodes laughed while putting the pancakes on the plates Peter was holding. “Trust me, kid, I was there during and after things happened. He never quite got over her.”

Peter mulled over the thought for a while, mindlessly slicing his food, “Do you think I made it worse by inviting Ms. Potts? I just honestly thought that if I got them in the same room, things would progress smoothly between them.” He made a pout while chewing, “I suppose that was pretty naïve.”

“Well, I would have done the same,” Rhodes reassured him while he went over to the coffeemaker to have his mug refilled. “If anything, _you_ did those two a favor. After everything that happened in the past, Pepper’s too closed off, but can you really blame her? She’s tough, but knowing her, she’ll keep your dad at arm’s length because she already got hurt really bad. As for Tony, well you know your dad well enough.”

Peter nodded sadly. “He thinks he’ll never deserve her,” he said out loud before realizing it.

“Yeah,” Rhodes could not help but agree, “You know for a genius, your dad’s pretty dumb.”

“Normally, I’d take offense from that, but since you made breakfast,” Tony said stacking some pancakes on a plate he had grabbed on his way over, “I’ll let that one pass. Why are you talking about my genius?”

Peter snickered and stood up to put away his plate then busied himself with pouring a glass of orange juice, dodging his father’s question. Rhodes, well, he could hold his own against Tony.

“We were talking about you and Pepper,” Rhodes eyed his friend who suddenly found his breakfast way _too_ interesting, “What are you going to do about that?”

“Nothing,” Tony tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, “She’s my CEO and all relationships will be professional.”

“Tones…”

“What?” Tony asked while forcefully slicing his pancakes, “I told you about Killian, right? So long as he’s in the picture, I’m not doing anything.” He took a few bites and quickly downed it with his coffee.

“Dad…”

“Alright, I called Pepper last night, okay?” Tony held his hands up in surrender at the other two, “I said the words I should’ve told her all those years ago. It’s up to her now, I’m not taking that choice away from her.”

“So you’re going down without a fight?” Peter asked sounding very much disappointed.

“Who said that?” Tony sounded incredulous as he went for a refill of his coffee. “Pepper needs her space, I’m not gonna rush her to make a decision by backing her against a wall,” he saw the look Rhodes gave him, “Literally and figuratively.” He grinned at the double entendre. “The more I badger Pepper, the more that she’ll put up a fight. I'll keep my distance,” Peter frowned at him, “... _for now_ , give her some time to breathe, and we'll see if Killian would still be part of the equation by then. We, on the other hand, are going to Monaco. Pack your bags, I’ll get the jet ready. We leave by lunch.”

“Monaco?” To say that Peter was surprised would be an understatement, but Rhodes simply shrugged, clearly to him, it was just another Tuesday.

“Yeah, Monaco. It’ll just be for a few weeks, boys” Tony answered carrying his coffee with him as he walked out of the kitchen. “We’ll be back before Christmas, just in time to win the war.”

\---- --- ----

 **Three weeks later, December, Manhattan NY:**

“Bambi, when are we expecting Mr. Stark to be back?” Pepper casually asked her assistant as she signed some documents that legal was trying to process before the holidays started. Since Thanksgiving, not counting the occasional messages she received from Rhodes, there had been nothing but radio silence from Tony’s end. She was not worried, she knew he was with his best friend and his son after all, it was just _too_ quiet, that’s all.

 _No one's missing anyone, I'm just not used to the quiet._ Right.

“If there won’t be any flight changes, Mr. Stark should be back by tomorrow,” Mrs. Arbogast told her while she checked her notes, “But since today’s already the twenty first, Mr. Stark won’t likely be back here at the office until after New Year’s.”

“Thank you, Bambi,” she smiled at her assistant and waited for the latter to close the door behind her before taking out her phone. She sent a message to Rhodes, who, in turn, immediately replied:

> _PP: How’s Monaco? Everything okay?_  
>  _JR: Tony’s just licking his wounds, and giving you your space. So yes, Tony’s okay. And Monaco’s fine too._  
>  _PP: Okay, I’ll see you soon then._  
>  _JR: The trip’s pretty PG – no endless booze, not a single woman. There, I answered all the questions you didn’t ask. You're welcome._

Pepper just shook her head, amused. _At least they’ll be back soon_ , she thought with relief. It had been too quiet for too long now, and maybe, just maybe she might have missed him after all.

\---- --- ----

“I’m just saying that not telling people about us ensures that we won’t work out,” Aldrich Killian _tried_ to patiently tell her, “Sometimes I can’t help but feel that you’re trying to sabotage our own relationship. What would it take for you to believe me?”

Pepper tried to refrain from rolling her eyes as they strolled in Central Park two days before Christmas. They were trying to spend some time together before Aldrich’s flight that was scheduled to leave that night. _Really, who does business on Christmas Day?_ But in keeping with the holiday spirits, she tried not to argue anymore.

“No one’s sabotaging anything, Aldrich,” she told him, trying to ease his frustration. “I’m just learning to trust you again, that’s all. Please give me some time.” _The Firefighter’s Benefit was just a little over a month ago after all, in case you have forgotten_ , she would have added but then again, she did not want a fight.

She thought Aldrich had let the topic go by the time they were nearing the Wollman Rink, but he suddenly stopped and took her hands in his as he tried to catch her eyes, “I’ll do anything to prove to you that I’m in this for the long haul, Pepper. It will be different this time, I promise. I’ll even cancel this business trip if you want.”

He looked sincere enough, but she simply shook her head, “I appreciate the sentiment, Aldrich, but that will be unprofessional. You should go. I understand.”

They walked for a few more minutes until she spotted Tony and Rhodes waiting by the rink, fresh from their month in Monaco. She waved at them and made the necessary introductions as soon as they were close enough.

“Tony, Jim, hello,” she smiled meekly as she caught Tony’s gaze. “Tony, you remember my… friend, Aldrich Killian.”

“From the Firefighter’s Benefit, right?” Aldrich offered his hand which Tony shook rather firmly as he quietly nodded and narrowed his eyes.

“And this is Lt. Col. James Rhodes,” Pepper gestured towards Rhodes who was busy keeping an eye on Tony.

“It’s an honor, Sir,” Aldrich offered Rhodes a warm smile, which the latter politely returned.

“How was Monaco?” Pepper asked, though clearly addressing the question more towards Tony than Rhodes.

“The food’s great,” Tony replied not taking his eyes off hers, “I remember that’s one of the things you’ve always loved about that place, you should return soon.” He smiled when he caught Killian frowning in his peripheral vision. “Are you guys going somewhere for Christmas?”

“Oh no,” Pepper shook her head, “Aldrich here is leaving tonight for a business trip, I guess we’ll just celebrate when he comes back in two, three days. Plus I could use those few days to get some decorating done. The past days had been busy I didn't find the chance to get a tree.”

“I could cancel that trip, you know,” Aldrich offered again.

“And that would be unprofessional,” Pepper replied trying to put an end to the conversation.

“Why don’t you spend it with us?” Tony offered, trying to sound _very_ casual, “It’ll be like the old times – you, me, Rhodey, plus my kid as the latest addition to the gang.”

“The _gang_?” Pepper almost laughed at that, “Thank you, Tony, but I think I’ll pass. I appreciate the offer though.” She then turned to Aldrich as soon as she spotted Peter, “I’ll just say hello to the kid, then we’ll go?”

Aldrich nodded absent-mindedly, not even bothering to ask who the kid was. But as soon as Pepper was out of earshot, he looked Tony straight in the eyes, rather frostily albeit with a cool tone, “I know that you and Pepper work together, but I think you like her a little too much than just for being your CEO. Just thought I should let you know someone’s watching. Merry Christmas, Tony.” He nodded at Rhodes then went on to follow Pepper.

“Huh,” Tony grinned rather smugly as he eyed Pepper’s and Killian’s retreating figures, “I must have gotten under his skin.”

“Who are we talking about this time?” Peter huffed as he jogged towards his dad and uncle, ice skates slung over his shoulder.

“Killian,” Rhodes answered the kid without looking away from Tony, “Seriously, that guy? I wonder what’s going on in Pepper’s head. Props to you, though, for being so civil towards him. I can’t believe you’re okay with this, Tones.” They were walking across the park this time, heading towards the park’s southeast entrance.

“Who said I’m okay with this?” Tony looked so irritated that Rhodes almost laughed had he not known how serious Tony was. He looked exactly like Peter when the kid would throw a tantrum, it’s almost cute.

“Well, what happened to giving Pepper her space?”

“I thought three, four weeks was enough time for Pepper to realize that she shouldn’t be with Killian, she should be with me,” Tony clenched his jaw in frustration. “So imagine my surprise when he’s still in the picture after Monaco. Almost a whole month, and she’s still with him? She kissed me back at the Firefighter’s Benefit!”

“I’m sure Killian is just a phase, it’s not like she’s marrying the guy,” Rhodes _really_ tried to be assuring, but it was almost a challenge because he found jealous Tony hilarious. “We all know you and Pepper belong together.”

“And since when did Pepper have phases?!” Tony was practically sulking at this point.

“Well, I looked up Aldrich Killian and he’s not totally bad. He’s actually a pretty cool guy…” Peter backpedaled once he saw the glare his father was giving him, “…other than the fact that he’s in love with Ms. Potts.” _Nice save_ , Peter thought, still looking at his dad, mortified.

“Focus up, kid,” Tony regarded Peter petulantly, “Choose a side, right now, and choose wisely. Otherwise I’m leaving you out of my will.”

“Team Stark, all the way,” the kid chuckled, automatically making an “X” over his chest and doing the three-finger scout salute. “Wait, I’m in the will?”

If it were not for the fact that Pepper’s still with Killian, Tony would have laughed at Peter’s attempt at humor. So he was being petulant, but could anyone really blame him? He honestly could not comprehend why Pepper’s still with _that_ guy when she kissed him back at the benefit, they had a moment in the balcony, and he practically handed over his heart to her after making that phone call last Thanksgiving. _That should count for something, at the very least, right?_ Right.

“I lost my chance when I treated her so badly in those five years,” he muttered not realizing he had said the thought out loud.

Rhodes, perhaps, took pity on the guy and tried to lighten the mood while putting an arm around Tony’s shoulder. “Look, I could take this opportunity to gloat, say ‘I told you so fifteen years ago,’ the whole shebang, and as much as Peter and I find your jealous side cute,” Peter snickered at that which earned him another glare from his dad, “We actually like you and we want you to finally get the girl. This time.” Rhodes released him but not before giving him a light squeeze on the shoulder, “Start with something neutral, maybe a Christmas gift?”

“That could work, Dad,” Peter agreed thoughtfully, “Perhaps something small, friendly, innocent?”

If only one could see the neurons firing inside that genius brain of his, it would surely be a marvel. “You know what, kid, you’re right,” Tony smiled at the kid, feeling smug as he executed the idea in his head. “Except you’re the only innocent thing here, Pete. We’re talking about a grand gesture, and Tony Stark doesn’t do anything small.”

\---- --- ----

“I still don’t understand why Peter gets to help you, and I’m the one assigned to distract Pepper,” Rhodes complained as they sat inside the Audi A8 with Peter sitting at the back, eight hours before Christmas.

Tony, on the other hand, impatiently tapped at the steering wheel as they waited outside Pepper’s apartment building. “Because Pete’s got way more creativity in his bones than you do, that’s why. Call her, Rhodey, will you? Now.”

Rhodes just shook his head but dialed Pepper’s number anyway. “You know that a lot of your plan’s riding on the fact that she actually agrees to grab coffee with me, right?”

“She’ll say yes, just _don’t_ be yourself,” Tony distractedly craned his neck to check the comings and goings at the building’s lobby. “Be more like me, instead, charming.”

“Pepper, hey,” Rhodes glared at Tony as the latter snickered at the driver’s seat. “Yeah, I was running some last minute errands for Tony and I happened to pass by your building. Let’s go grab some coffee?... No, no, Tony did not send me. I come in peace.” He tried to swat away Tony’s expectant look with his left hand, “Okay, I’ll wait at your lobby. Alright, 10 minutes.”

“Look at you,” Tony teased him grinning widely, “Good job, Honeybear.”

“Okay, I’ll give you two, three hours, max, alright?” He unfastened his seatbelt and opened his door, “Go beyond that time and I won’t be responsible.”

“Alright, kiddo,” Tony glanced at Peter through the rearview mirror as Rhodes stepped out and walked towards Pepper’s building, “Watch and learn.”

Peter just rolled his eyes, but Tony could not care. _This is going to be good._

_\---- --- ----_

Pepper just stepped out of the elevator into her apartment when her phone started buzzing. She had declined Rhodes' offer to spend Christmas Eve at Tony’s place because, well, things had been really complicated between the two of them lately, so it was not really a surprise that Tony was calling her right now. He would probably just try to badger her until she gave in, which she did not plan to do, by the way. She lifted the phone to her ear as she stepped out of her heels while trying to fumble for the light switch.

“Hello?”

“Hey. Running into each other at the Wollman Rink yesterday, it was kind of awkward. I’m sorry.”

“I suppose so, especially after our last phone call.”

She finally found the switch and once the room was illuminated, she was greeted by a giant Balsam Fir evergreen tree and that distinct it-must-be-Christmas smell. The tree was just the perfect height at seven feet, with dense, dark-green, pyramidal crown with a slender spire-like tip. It was adorned by red and gold ribbons and ornaments. She noted a card hanging on one of its branches, she unfolded it and gasped once she read what the note said:

> _Because it’s you. It’s always been you._  
>  _Merry Christmas, Pep._ _\- T.S._

\---- --- ----

“Pep, you still there?” Tony paced in the middle of the family room, his son and his best friend trying _not_ to watch him intently as the two pretended to be busy with the gifts scattered beneath the tree in the Starks’ family home. He heard Pepper’s gasp from the other end of the line; he smiled to himself, thinking she probably saw the tree already. “Did you see your Christmas present?”

“I don’t know how I could have missed it. How did you get past security?”

“Well, we didn’t,” he said scratching the back of his head as he saw Peter gave him an inquiring look. “Your doorman takes his job seriously, but Bobby at the service entrance, he could be bought.” He paused tentatively, biting his lower lip before asking, “You like it?”

There was a beat. _Was she crying?_

“Thank you, Tony. It’s really sweet.”

“Peter helped, too.” He smiled and took a deep breath, trying to calm his heart, “Pep, I…”

“Tony… If you have something to say, just say it…”

There was a lump on his throat as he thought about it. This was it, taking the plunge, falling into the abyss not knowing if Pepper would be waiting for him or not. What if she doesn’t feel the same? Only one way to find out really. But still…

“Is there something _you_ want me to say?” he asked, trying to play it safe and kicking himself because that was the only way he knew how.

“Tony, why are you calling?”

He could not do it. He realized he could not do it. For the past weeks, months, he was trying really hard to be part of her life, but it just felt as if no matter what he did, he just ended up losing her, even if she wasn’t his to lose to begin with. _It’s because deep down, you know you didn’t deserve her_ , his subconscious mocked him.

“I just wanted to say Merry Christmas,” he closed his eyes as he clenched his jaw, not wanting to see his kid’s reaction over his hesitation, “Hope you have a good holiday.”

“Merry Christmas. Good night, Tony. Good bye.”

He clutched the phone tightly as he stood unmoving in the middle of the room. Just really, how many chances was he going to get? Was this the last of it?

“Dad?”

Eventually it was his son’s voice which pulled him out of his misery. He glanced at the boy, quick shallow breaths not giving any relief over the wild pounding of his heart.

“What are you still doing here?” Peter asked him, knowingly. “Go get her, Dad.”

He just nodded and rushed to take the Audi. He did not need to be told twice.

\---- --- ----

“I just wanted to say Merry Christmas. Hope you have a good holiday.”

Every time, every time she thought Tony was finally ready for something real, the rug just kept getting pulled from under her feet. She had always held out hope, that someday, somehow, she would finally find that place in his life, and every time it seemed like it was finally going to happen… She shook her head. It had been fifteen years, she could not keep doing this. At some point she just had to stop.

“Merry Christmas,” she tried to hide the quiver in her voice as she mustered enough courage to finally let go. “Good night, Tony. Good bye.”

She clutched the phone and the card to her chest, and gave herself the permission to cry over the love she lost, the love she thought she found once more only to lose it again.

Shortly after she was able to pull herself together, she heard someone knocking on her door. _Could it be?_ She rushed to open it, her right hand still clutching the phone and the card, and gasped at the sight of the man standing in front of her, the one person she never thought would come through in the end.

“What are you doing here?” Pepper asked breathless.

“I rushed to get here tonight.” He glanced at the buzzing phone still clutched in her right hand, “Pepper, don’t answer it. You’re not gonna want to interrupt this moment.” He then took a small black velvet box from the inside pocket of his coat and held it in front of her as he got down on one knee.

\---- --- ----

Tony stood outside her building in nothing but his well-worn Black Sabbath shirt, faded jeans, and sneakers, arms crossed in an attempt to keep himself warm beneath the falling snow. He held the phone to his ear as the call went to voicemail.

“Hey, Pep. Guess what. It only took me fifteen minutes to drive from 74th to your building, and I honestly don’t know how many red lights I ran past on my way here.” He shook his head and grinned at how ridiculous his random rants sounded. “And I seemed to have rushed here, without a jacket, in the snow. So what the hell.” He took a deep breath as he finally told her what he should have said as soon as she came back to New York. “You shouldn’t be with Killian, you should be with me. And I missed you, and I have been missing you in the last fifteen years.”

\---- --- ----

“Aldrich…”

Aldrich Killian opened the box to show her a diamond ring, his gaze never leaving her, “Pepper, would you do me the honor of being my wife?”

As Pepper stood there watching him propose, her phone buzzed once last time and the screen lit up:

> _New voicemail (1)._

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know we are very far from the Christmas season, but it's almost a year since Endgame (and I'm still so bitter about it) so let me live in my own happy bubble for a while. Pepperony Forever. ❤
> 
> 🎧 Deep End by Birdy | for the voicemail


	7. Run Away with Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Letting go isn’t a one-time thing, it’s something you do every day, over and over again.” ―Andie McPhee, Dawson’s Creek.

** Present day, December 29, Manhattan NY: **

Pepper Potts landed in New York three days before New Year's Day and the first place she found herself going to was the house on 74th Street. She had had four days to contemplate a lot of things, and yet, how and where to best approach Tony did not happen to be one of them. She figured the safest place would be the house; no, she was not worried Tony would make a scene elsewhere, but at least they would be away from the prying eyes of the public and the cameras. She took a deep breath as she rang the bell, bracing herself for whatever mood Tony would be in, when Rhodes answered the door instead.

“He’s in the piano room,” Rhodes told her without preamble as he let her in.

Now that was odd. She remembered he very rarely went to the room ever since Maria Stark died in the car crash, it was his mother’s piano after all. “Is he okay?” she couldn’t help but ask. It wasn’t like she made any attempt to call him since Christmas Day anyway, and from Tony’s end, there was nothing but radio silence.

“Well, he’s not that bad, but he’s definitely been better,” Rhodes said thoughtfully as they climbed a flight of stairs. “Where were you, Pepper?”

“I was in L.A.,” then she saw the look Rhodes gave her so she understood the question that he chose not to verbalize. “I needed to think. It sort of seemed like the best place to do so.”

Rhodes nodded in understanding. “Just… Just try not to meet his anger with your own,” he advised before he left her outside the room. “He’s not exactly mad, but I wouldn’t want to see you two come to blows.”

She nodded, feeling the guilt surfaced as she quietly entered the room. He was sitting there at the piano, playing a familiar piece that both of them knew was his mother’s favorite. She watched him for a while, studying him. There were dark circles around his eyes which did nothing for the mournful look on his face. He did not seem angry, instead he looked… lost. She shuddered at the fact that there was a good chance she brought that on. She disappeared for four days after all, but she needed to think with a clear head and being around Tony just almost assuredly made objectivity impossible, so she left for L.A.

 _No you didn’t,_ her subconscious chided her, _you just needed to escape, like what you always do._

Tony stopped playing and finally looked over to where she was standing. He looked so lost and haunted, those dark brown eyes sadly gazing at her almost as if he could see right through her soul and her deepest secrets, and there were quite a number of them. He looked at her and Pepper recognized the conflicting feelings in that stormy gaze of his. _Was that love? Resentment? Frustration?_ She braced herself for the worst, surrendering herself to the speech of indignation she was certain was coming her way, but instead he surprised her when his face softened and he quietly spoke, his voice actually full of concern.

“Where were you, Pep? I was worried about you.”

Her heart broke right there and then, and she thought she was probably the cruelest person on the planet, simply because her heart ached so badly for wanting to be with him but she was also so… so afraid to be with him. She got hurt once, badly, and she knew she could not go through it again.

“I just landed at the airport back from L.A., I needed to be away to think because I cannot do that with you around, and…”

“What’s there to think about?” Tony had stood up from the piano and approached her, taking her hands in his. “Pep, this is us.” He tried to coax her to meet his gaze but she simply shook her head and gently withdrew from his grasp. She took a step backwards, trying to put some space between them while she crossed her arms finally meeting his gaze.

“Aldrich proposed and I’m going to say yes,” she tried to muster enough courage to continue as she saw a shadow passed over his face, his jaw clenching while his hands balled into fists. “I wanted you to hear it from me first. Not from the tabloids, not from the people at SI, not from your son…”

“Right. From people who actually talk to me,” Tony replied curtly not moving from where he stood nor changing his stance.

“If you’re referring to the message you left me on Christmas Day, I didn’t get to listen to it until I was in L.A.” She eyed him, trying to anticipate what his reaction would be and at the same time, trying to _very_ carefully choose her words. “It was very… endearing.”

“Huh,” Tony looked at her, eyes full of contempt. “But not enough to make you turn around.”

Initially, she was worried that Tony might actually hit something, so she tried to tread carefully, but given the amount of scorn that he was giving her right now, she could not help but let her own anger loose.

“You miss me. That’s great. I miss you, too.” Pepper deadpanned as Tony laughed mirthlessly, his expression mocking her. “What? You kissed me at the Firefighter’s Benefit, and then you can’t even tell me what the past few weeks meant to you. Then you called and say you should have never let me go, but what did you do next? You disappeared to Monaco, for a month! And then you made this grand gesture with the Christmas tree but all you could tell me was ‘Merry Christmas,’ and then you left this voicemail telling me that I should be with you.” She was really angry now, her eyes were red and tears were threatening to fall but she fought them, hard.

“I didn’t plan any of that,” Tony quipped, defensively putting his hands up.

“That’s just it, Tony. You don’t plan anything! You don’t even know what you want!” Pepper was so furious now because that was the truth. She was so fed up with Tony being hot and cold about this... whatever this relationship was. She needed him to commit, and she needed him to do that more than fifteen years ago.

“And you know what _you_ want?” He retaliated as he took a step towards her, effectively backing her against the wall. He gripped her arms tightly, almost shaking her shoulders. He was angry now, too. All the frustrations from the past months resurfacing all at once. “Really, Pep, what do you like about Killian? What’s in it for you? He’s less complicated? He didn’t have a past? He didn’t have baggage?!”

“He _did_ try to change for me… after the benefit,” she whispered as the dam just broke. “I stood by you for five years and you never did...”

It was as if somebody slapped Tony in the face and his good sense kicked in just as he started to see clearer, the anger that clouded his vision quickly dissipating. In all the years that he had known her, he had never seen her cry in front of him; there were multiple times when he saw that tears were threatening to fall, but he had never seen her cry this hard… and continuously. Not when he started going home to her very drunk after his parents died. Not when she caught him philandering one too many times. Not even when he told her about Mary Parker carrying his child. He released her from his grip while he took a few steps backward and watched as she wrapped her arms protectively in front of her. He stared at her as she openly wept, his heart breaking as soon as the realization hit him.

_Oh God, I broke her. I broke her before and I’m breaking her again._

“For the first time, I feel like somebody would actually be there if I needed someone,” she whispered so softly in between sobs, he almost didn’t hear her. "He dropped everything for me last Christmas."

The comment stung, because he _did_ look out for her, he _did_ care for her, he really tried. But he got so caught up on his own struggles that it never occurred to him that Pepper needed him as well. He watched her as the long scar on her arm caught his eye and he began to really wonder. _Was it the old accident? What happened in L.A.?_ He wanted to ask. Because maybe that was when she needed him the most… and he wasn’t there, he couldn’t be there.

“Take care, Tony,” she wiped her face with her hands as she left the room and descended the stairs.

“Pep, wait!” He shouted as he followed her out of the room, down the stairs, and across the family room ignoring the fact that Peter and Rhodes were staring as Pepper headed for the door. He couldn’t let her leave like this, he couldn’t let _them_ end like this. “Pepper!” He called out to her, but she never looked back.

“What did you do?” Rhodes demanded and for the first time in his life, Tony actually thought his best friend would hit him and that maybe he did deserve it. He just shook his head and took a couple of deep breaths to try to clear his head.

“Killian proposed and she’s going to say yes,” Tony told them, really trying _not_ to hit the wall beside him. “So yeah, apparently Killian’s not a phase,” he looked at Rhodes and he couldn't help but lash out at him, "And yet I seem to remember _you_ telling me that's not the case!" He ran a hand through his hair as he took a deep breath, softly speaking this time to make up for his outburst, “Can you just… Just follow her? Make sure she’s okay.”

Rhodes nodded then Tony defeatedly retreated to his workshop in the basement. Peter made a move to follow his dad but Rhodes stopped him from doing so. “Just let him cool his head, Pete. Let him be for now.”

\---- --- ----

** December 30, Manhattan NY: **

Tony Stark holed up in his workshop the entire day (and night) aimlessly toiling on his Shelby Cobra. He worked on it until his mind was more exhausted than his body, and he finally crashed on the old beaten down couch he kept in the workshop exactly for nights when he would tinker endlessly, absorbed in a new tech or two. That was the only way he would be able to catch some shuteye anyway, when he was finally very much exhausted that even his guilt could not keep his consciousness afloat. He was almost tempted to break into the liquor cabinet and send himself on that familiar coping mechanism that had always worked for him fifteen years ago, but when he saw his kid quietly came in to leave some sandwiches on his worktable, he changed his mind without question.

So he slept restlessly and tossed and turned until it was almost lunch and he knew he had to finally get up and face everything. He moved from the uncomfortable position he had assumed on the couch and reached out for the bottle of water Peter had left on his table, beside the sandwiches that had remained untouched since the day before. He finally got up and trekked upstairs to his room to take a shower while he tried to replay the row between him and Pepper in his head.

So she had not said yes to Killian, not yet anyway, and apparently while he was busy standing beneath the snow in front of her building and leaving her a voicemail, Killian beat him to it and flew back just in time to propose to her on Christmas Eve.

 _“He dropped everything for me,”_ she had told him, _“He did try to change for me… and I stood by you for five years and you never did.”_

That was the part that hurt the most, because it was also true and would forever be one of the biggest regrets of his life. Five years, he treated her so badly for five years and he did not realize it, or more accurately, he knew it but he bid his time knowing Pepper would remain by his side. He never regretted Peter but eventually he did realize that he could still have been a good father to his son and at the same time, do right by Pepper. But he was young, and stupid, and selfish; he did not know any better then.

She was wrong though, he did _know_ what he wanted, and he wanted her, all of her, and he would not go down without a fight even if she kept holding all his past shortcomings over his head. Which reminded him, he knew he was not the world’s best boyfriend but she surely must have known she could rely on him then, and even now.

_“I feel like somebody would actually be there if I needed someone.”_

It bothered him to know that there was ever a point in time when she needed him and he wasn’t there. _Was it the accident in L.A., when she got that scar?_ If that was so, he wondered why she would hold that against him when he had no idea what and when it happened anyway. He should probably ask her about it, but right now, he had to fix things, whatever it was that needed fixing.

_Priorities, Stark, priorities._

So now, he had a game plan. He would go to her apartment, wait by the lobby if she did not happen to be home but he definitely would not leave the place without sorting things out with her. He could still win this, there was a reason why she had not given Killian an answer and why the first thing she did as soon as she got back was tell him about the proposal.

 _She wanted me to stop her_ , he thought, _because why else would my house be her first stop, right? Right._

Comforted by the thought, he stepped out of the shower, brushed his teeth, shaved, got dressed, did that mussed up hair look he knew Pepper much preferred. Satisfied with the way he looked, he quickly went down the stairs, almost taking two steps at a time, after grabbing the car keys from his nightstand. He bumped into Rhodes on his way out, and took the opportunity to apologize.

_Right, that would be one apology to tick off from my list._

“You going out?” Rhodes asked him matter-of-factly on his way out of the house. He was poring over some military reports his subordinates must have sent him over the holidays.

“I plan to talk to Pepper.” Tony refrained from clenching his jaw when he saw the look that his best friend gave him so he quickly amended. “I’m not going to screw up this time, or at least I’ll try not to. Um… Where’s the kid?” He desperately wanted to change the subject, silently willing Rhodes to stop from giving him the look that was making him feel so ashamed.

“He went out with Ned, he’ll be back later.” It was a clipped reply, but at least he was talking to him.

“Listen, buddy, I’m sorry if I… lashed out on you yesterday. Emotions were running high and… Doesn’t matter, point is, it’s my fault. I’m sorry.” He eyed Rhodes as he gauged his friend’s reaction to see if he was forgiven.

“It’s okay, man, I understand.” Rhodes regarded him seriously this time, “Just… you didn’t do anything… rash, right? Pepper’s not normally like that.”

Tony sighed as he mulled over what happened. He couldn’t really lie his way out of this, could he? “I didn’t mean to hurt her… I might have gripped her arms too tight, shook her shoulders…” He regretted having done that but he was so frustrated and he wasn’t thinking clearly, but still it wasn’t an excuse.

“Dammit, Tony!” Rhodes almost scolded while giving him that glare he most probably reserved to his notorious juniors. “Should I even allow you to go see her right now?”

“I’m not going to hurt her okay? At least not intentionally, and not like that. Ever.” He realized Rhodes was not buying it and he was getting irritated by the minute. He took a deep breath and looked his friend in the eye just so they were clear. “Even in my most inebriated state back then, I never raised a hand against her. You _know_ that.” When he saw that Rhodes seemed to reconsider, he softened a bit, “So are we cool?”

“Okay. We’re cool.” Rhodes seemed to relax a bit but apparently he was not finished, “But I’ll check on Pepper.”

“Sure, you do that.” Tony was so exhausted he was not even halfway through the whole day’s ordeal. “I gotta go.”

Rhodes moved to clap one of his shoulders. “Good luck, Tones,” and Tony knew he meant that.

“Yeah, thank you, Honeybear.” He smirked at Rhodes, and just like that, they buried the hatchet.

\---- --- ----

“So how about I take you to lunch tomorrow?”

Pepper frowned as she held her phone to her ear. It was Aldrich, and he might not say it but he was, for all intents and purposes, most likely following up for her answer. “Aldrich… I’m still not ready to give you an answer,” she tried her best to sound placating.

“It’s okay, Pepper. It’s just lunch, no pressure.”

She sighed as she thought that she could not really avoid him anyway. “Okay… it’s just lunch,” she reaffirmed as she heard a knock on her door. She walked towards the door to answer it and was a bit surprised to see Tony standing on her doorstep, pink peonies in hand.

“Alright. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 11. Good bye, Pepper. I love you.”

“Bye, Aldrich,” she ended the call rather distractedly as she narrowed her eyes at Tony, still not letting him in. “What are you doing here?” She crossed her arms and she could not help but notice him quickly glanced at her left hand.

“I’m not leaving a voicemail for you while in the courtyard this time. Why did you really come to see me yesterday?” he asked as he invited himself in and surveyed the Christmas tree he had put up a few days ago. He could not help but grin at the thought that at least she had not thrown the tree away, yet.

Pepper closed the door behind her and looked at him, feeling a bit amused… amused at the fact that she could almost see those gears turning in his head after he had clearly given their _not relationship_ a thought. She was definitely not happy with what happened yesterday, but she was no longer mad about it either. She was just… okay with the idea that at least she had said everything there was to say. She regarded him coolly, trying not to linger so much on the fact that he looked like sin and heartbreak all rolled up into a very well-tailored Armani. “I told you, out of respect—”

“Respect or regret?” He approached her to give the bouquet of peonies, then braced his hands against the door on either side of her head as he gazed at her intently, dark brown eyes coaxing to meet her iridescent blues. “You and I both know that what you wanted was for me to give you a reason not to spend the rest of your life with Killian.”

“Tony—”

“I’m still in love with you.”

He gazed at her, worried to find a look of trepidation on her face, but she had never looked more serene and breathtaking. Instinctively, his right hand cupped the side of her neck and jaw as he leaned in and pressed a soft, chaste kiss against her lips. He lingered for a moment, long enough for Pepper to reach up and gently wind her fingers around his wrist before he slowly pulled away leaving her bereft. She sighed contentedly, which made him feel emboldened to move his hand to the small of her back pulling her body into his, while the other remained braced against the door to support their weight. He felt Pepper tilt her chin, her lips already parting as he closed his mouth over hers, one hand still clutching the peonies while her other hand rested on his chest above his heart. The kiss seemed to soothe his wounded soul, while it blotted out some of the fear and doubt that had ruled over Pepper’s heart for so long. They stayed that way for a moment, until Tony gradually pulled away to rest his forehead on her shoulder and gently backed her against the door, trapping her underneath him as he leaned in to put some of his weight on her.

Pepper was still breathless from the kiss, and as much as she wanted the moment to last a bit longer, she knew they couldn’t stay in it forever. “So what exactly are you offering, Tony? Some retrospective of the way we were over a decade ago? Because we both know I can’t go through that anymore."

“I should be mad at you because I was living quietly for years,” he softly began, still not moving his forehead from her shoulder. “Then you came back only to turn my world upside down. But then I realized I haven't truly _lived_ during those fifteen years, not until you came back two months ago.”

“Tony…”

He pulled away to take her hand and lead her to the couch in front of the Christmas tree. They sat facing each other and he kissed the back of her hands before catching her eye, “We’re at the same crossroads we were years ago, Pep. This is us, only better. What’s stopping you?”

She wanted to finally come clean, she wanted to finally tell him about L.A., but one look at Tony and she knew she couldn’t. She couldn’t break his heart, not right now, not like this when all the pieces finally seemed to fit together. There would come a day when she would finally tell him, but not in this moment.

He lifted one hand to cup her face, his thumb gently stroking her cheek, “Let’s claim our lives this time, Pep. Live it the way we want to live it.” He leaned in to press a soft, chaste kiss against her lips. He pulled away, gave her the sincerest smile she had seen from him ever since she got back, then headed for the door gently closing it behind him.

\---- --- ----

** December 31, Manhattan NY: **

The next day, Pepper was sitting quietly with Aldrich in a corner table in a restaurant along Madison Avenue. She was going through the menu for quite a while now, until she suddenly closed it and put it back on the table while taking a deep sigh. She placed her elbows on the table and rubbed her palms together, clearly agitated. She couldn’t get Tony off her mind, and the kiss…

“Something on your mind, Pepper?” Aldrich asked, actually looking interested.

She wondered what she should tell him, and if she should tell him anything. A public place like Flora Bar was probably not the best choice to break some news, anyway. She took a sip from her wine glass in an attempt to procrastinate, but she was saved when Aldrich’s phone started ringing.

“Yeah,” Aldrich answered, “What are you saying?” He listened for a while before covering the phone’s mic with his fingers as he turned to Pepper, “I’m sorry, it’s Eric. He has those numbers, I was asking for it. Would you mind?”

Pepper just smiled and shook her head as Aldrich stood up from the table to talk to his assistant in private “…Yeah, just make sure he gets it at the current rate, the dollar has been all over the place…” he droned on and on as he walked away from the table and until he was out of her earshot.

She gazed at Aldrich as he talked business over the phone. It was the last day of the year, and yet here they were, having their lunch interrupted by another phone call, which was pretty much always the case with him around. Pepper’s a CEO and she worked just as hard, maybe even harder, but when it came to things that truly matter, work would always take a backseat for her, it was a no-brainer. Aldrich, however, was the complete opposite. True, he did drop everything to propose to her that Christmas, but she thought a little consistency would be nice.

The funny thing was, she did not even feel bad when the thought hit her. Yes, somehow, Aldrich had changed. Gone were the twenty-five year old models that used to crowd around him during parties, and he actually felt like someone that she could rely on. And yet, she couldn’t help but feel that something was amiss, she just couldn’t quite put a finger on it. _It’s because of Tony_ , but she dismissed the thought because she still wanted to believe that Aldrich would be good for her - Aldrich, without the drama, without a shared tumultuous history.

_Good, yes, maybe, but why waste your life on the good kind when your great love was just right there?_

Without a second thought, she picked up her phone and waited for Tony to answer.

\---- --- ----

Tony was sitting in his workshop when his phone buzzed and he saw Pepper was calling. He felt something gripped his heart as she would only be calling for either of the two reasons. He took a deep breath as his shaky hands picked up his phone.

“Hello?” he greeted her, tentatively.

“I was thinking about what you said… Let’s see what we are, let’s see what we could be…”

Tony couldn’t believe his ears, he almost choked when he chuckled at the same time that he released a sigh he didn’t realize he was holding. Still, he couldn’t help but tease her, “I’m sorry, who is this?”

“Tony…”

He chuckled lightly, he could almost picture her rolling her eyes. “Pep, this is great. Do you know how great is this?”

“Well, yes. I mean, I do. I think so…”

“Let’s go away tonight, let’s pack a bag.” He couldn’t help it. It took fifteen years, fifteen long years that he could have spent with her had he figured out a way to deal with things differently. “Let’s get away from everyone and everything… Just figure it out.”

“Where do we go?”

“Who cares? At this point it doesn’t really matter, so long as you’re with me.”

“Okay… Um, 90th and 5th? Six o’clock?”

“Okay,” he was already making plans in his head when he noticed her silence. “Pep?”

“I’m scared, Tony… But in a good way.”

“Me, too, Pep. Me, too.”

\---- --- ----

“I guess that’s pretty much all of it,” Aldrich said to his assistant over the phone. “Eric, did the private investigator turn over anything about L.A. yet? Anything about Ms. Potts’ accident?” He listened for a while before he saw Pepper walking towards him. “Okay, let me know when he finds anything.”

“Hey,” Pepper gave him a polite smile when she saw him hung up the phone, “Everything okay?”

“Yes, I’m sorry about that, I didn’t mean to work today, it’s the last day of the year and…”

“It’s okay, Aldrich.” She tried to sound as calm and reassuring as possible, “I will have to go, though. Something happened and I need to get a few things from my apartment…”

“Sure, let me take you home.”

They left Flora Bar, the lunch plans completely forgotten.

\---- --- ----

Pepper was almost done packing when she found Rhodes knocking at her door. “Jim!” she was really glad to see him. “What are you doing here?”

“I just came here to check on you. After what happened at Tony’s two days ago, and I know he saw you yesterday,” he paused trying to find the right words, “You okay?”

“I’m okay,” Pepper reassured him, “Better than okay, actually. But thank you for asking.”

“Tony means well. I was just worried, he told me his anger got the better of him the other day, but he loves you. And you know that already.” He noticed the suitcases neatly placed beside the coffee table. “Didn’t you just get back? Are you going somewhere?”

“Actually… I’m going away with Tony…”

“That’s great news! Finally!” He hugged her close, really glad that things finally, finally were falling into place. “I’m so happy for you. This was a long time coming, Pepper.”

“I know, but I’m scared…”

And just like that Rhodes almost didn’t recognize the woman standing in front of him. The Pepper he knew thrived on challenges, and exuded grace and confidence at all times, but this one reminded him of another version of her, from a long time ago in L.A., and he could not bear to see that look on her face again. She looked so scared then, just like she did now. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to tell him about L.A.” she whispered, her lips quivering.

He shook his head, “You have to tell him at some point, Pepper. It doesn’t have to be now, but you can’t keep this secret forever.” He caught her gaze this time, meaning every single word. “I’m not here to stop you, you two belong together. If there was anything those fifteen years managed to prove, it’s that even that long of a time couldn’t keep you apart. I’m your friend, but Tony’s my brother. So if you’re going to do this, you do this right. You tell him about L.A., maybe not now, but you have to before he falls in too deep and before he finds out about it from someone else. Because if he learns about this from someone other than you, it will break his heart.”

Pepper quietly nodded as she slowly tried to pull herself together. She was good at this, at finding that peace within the panic that was taking hold of her heart. She had mastered this for years, She could do it again now.

“What happened in L.A. wasn’t your fault, nobody wished for it to happen,” Rhodes tried to reassure her as much as he could. “But Tony deserves to know. Don’t take that right away from him.” She seemed calmer now, the panic had long since passed, “Are you gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, thank you, Jim.” Her quick shallow breaths were now more even and regular.

“Don’t be scared. Tony will understand because he loves you, okay?” Rhodes offered her a smile, and he wished he could tell Tony for her but it wouldn’t be right. “I have seen Tony work hard to get rid of the women who try to stay in his orbit, but I haven’t seen him work _this_ hard to keep one around. He loves you. Things will be okay. Now, wherever you guys will be going, send photos, alright? I’m sure Peter will be thrilled.”

“Thank you, Jim.” She offered him a small smile as he closed the door behind him, her gaze automatically falling on her suitcases.

\---- --- ----

Rain was pouring that night in New York, a rainy New Year’s Eve. Tony Stark stood at 90th and 5th with his hands in the pockets of his black wool coat, his hair a bit wet from the downpour, his silver Audi parked in the corner. He was waiting, not anxiously, just expectantly. And that was when he saw her coming.

She was walking towards him and she had never looked as beautiful. She was wearing a white turtle neck dress beneath a honey-colored double-breasted coat with long sleeves and a belted waist, her long slim legs perfectly accentuated by those four-inch heels that would always catch his attention every so often. She was wearing her hair down, strawberry-blonde locks falling just below her shoulders in loose waves. She looked perfect, and she took his breath away like she always did.

Pepper stopped in front of him clutching a small bag in her hand, and he smiled at her. Not the usual smile he would flash for the cameras, but a polite one, almost a tired smile – the kind that did not reach his eyes but seemed to convey… understanding.

“You packed light.” There was no hatred in his voice, there was no anger. Just… resignation.

“Please try to understand.” She was not angry either. She looked… sorry.

“I don’t think I do. But I’m sorry.”

“So am I, I’m sorry, Tony.”

“I missed my shot fifteen years ago, didn’t I?”

“No, you didn’t. It’s not that…”

“Don’t you love me?”

His heart was breaking, again, because one moment she was ready to run away with him, and the next moment, she was leaving him, again. He looked at her trying to memorize her face, trying to make sense of what could have changed in a span of five hours since they last talked, but there was nothing. And she couldn’t answer him either.

“So you love me… You just don’t want me.”

The words left a bitter taste in his mouth, but there was only so much that he could say. He looked at her one last time, before he walked towards his Audi, leaving Pepper Potts standing in the rain as she watched him drive down the street into the night.

\---- --- ----

Somewhere in New York, a man was pouring two glasses of champagne just in time for the New Year. He handed one to the woman beside him as he glanced at her hand, admiring the perfect fit of her diamond ring.

He looked at her, eyes full of adoration as he pulled her close, enveloping her in a hug. “Happy New Year, Pepper,” he whispered as he kissed her temple, “I love you.”

For a newly engaged person, she sure looked forlorn, but she tried to put on a brave face although a single tear did betray that façade. And as she gazed at the New York skyline just over his shoulder as he held her close, she realized she had never felt more broken.

“Happy New Year, Aldrich.”

\---- --- ----

It was two in the morning and Peter was just about to go to sleep (he was never one to pull an all-nighter anyway, and he was barely able to stay awake for the midnight countdown), when he heard a soft knock on his door. It was probably just his Uncle Rhodey checking in before he call it a night himself.

“Uncle Rhodey, do you need…”

He stopped in his tracks when he found his father instead, still wearing his coat and looking very much like he had way more than his usual two glasses of scotch. The older man was leaning by the door frame with his eyes all red and haunted, and it almost scared Peter. He had never seen his dad looking so…broken.

“Dad, are you okay? Aren’t you supposed to be away with Ms. Potts?”

His Dad was wearing the most tortured expression Peter had ever seen. He had no idea what happened and he had no idea what to do, but he put his arms around his father, pulling him in for a hug. That was when his father broke, telling him, “I lost her,” again and again in between quiet sobs.

Sometime later, when Tony was finally asleep in his son’s room, Peter got up to put away his shoes and to hang his coat. And as he searched his Dad’s coat pockets to safely put away his wallet, phone, and car keys, he also found a small black velvet box containing the same engagement ring his grandmother, Maria Stark, had worn in the many photos he was so familiar with.

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't even. I think I clawed my eyes out working on this chapter, and I'm very sorry. But things should be looking up from this point forward.
> 
> 🎧 Come Home by OneRepublic | the last three scenes


	8. The Concert Fundraiser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That in the face of true love, you don't just give up. Even if the object of your affection is begging you to." —Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl.

**15 years ago, February, Manhattan NY:**

“Hey, you want some breakfast?” Pepper asked softly as he walked into the kitchen looking like he always did every morning for the last five years – hung-over. He took a seat by the breakfast counter while she placed a glass of water and a couple of ibuprofen pills in front of him. She gently kissed him on the cheek as she went over to the coffeemaker to pour him a cup, “Take those pills first before you get started on your coffee, okay? Pancakes or waffles?” She smiled at him, and he reached for the cup of coffee she had poured for him as soon as he had downed the pills. This was one morning conversation that he would actually need his brain for, maybe even his brain more than his heart – on the off chance that he actually had the latter.

“Whatever’s easier to make,” he said, not really minding whichever she decided to prepare; he was so sure neither of them would even have the appetite once he got his news on the table anyway.

He watched her as she went about preparing their breakfast. She did this every day, and yet, he had never seen her looking as gorgeous as she did now, her back to his, in nothing but his white dress shirt, barefoot and long slim legs all bared. He came up from behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist as he planted soft kisses below her ear and down to her throat.

"Tony… I’m making breakfast,” she chided him, but he continued with his ministrations and pulled her closer to him. “Tony…”

God, he wanted her, especially now, because he was so sure she would step out of his front door as soon as he told her what was going on he could bet his entire estate to it.

“You've never told me no before,” he whispered to her in that low husky baritone before kissing her on the temple instead, arms still securely wrapped around her waist. “Today’s not a coffee day, huh?” He inquired when he saw the glass of orange juice just sitting next to the bowls she was using.

“No…” There was a pause before she asked, “How are you feeling? You okay?” She was sifting the last of the dry ingredients as if his advances had had no effect on her. He had always admired that she was systematic like that, and very well focused.

He kissed her on the cheek before sighing deeply, “I love you, you know that, right?” He could feel the tears starting but he fought them for now, because there was still so much more to say. “Pep, I have to tell you something.”

“Hmm?”

She cracked some eggs and whisked them in one of the bowls as she began adding milk and melted butter, and he hated that everything seemed so normal, like a mundane breakfast scene from some young suburban couple’s house, when he’s just about to ruin everything.

He took a deep breath before leaning his forehead on her shoulder, pulling her closer and maintaining his arms wrapped around her waist as tightly as he could. He had no plans to let go.

“I’m having a baby,” he whispered, his voice cracking towards the end.

He realized he had indeed put her through a lot when she did not even flinch at his admission. She just went on mixing the batter because it still did not have the smoothness she wanted.

“Are you sure? Because we get those paternity claims two to three times per week now. What’s the name this time?”

“Mary Parker,” he muttered, not moving a muscle to change the way he clung to her as if his life depended on it, because maybe it did. “I saw the results… I’m having a baby.”

He noticed she had stopped her breakfast preparations and that she stood there stiffly, unmoving. “With another person...” she whispered rather monotonously, and she sounded so far away to him; he couldn't help but think that he had made her like that, cold...and unfeeling. “What do you need me to do?”

“You don’t need to do anything,” he kissed her temple again, tears now streaming down his face. "But I always thought that when I do have a kid it will be with you."

She began to gently untangle from his embrace but he was not willing to release her. “Excuse me one second,” she asked him politely, almost as if she was just excusing herself from a PR department meeting. He let go although unwillingly, and he followed her out of the kitchen to the nearest powder room where she had barely shut the door behind her before he heard her started hurling.

She stepped out of the powder room a few minutes later, eyes red but no tears were in sight and as calm as if she was just about to ask about the weather, “What do you plan to do?”

“I don’t know.” He then walked out and disappeared to his workshop.

* * *

** Present day, January, Manhattan NY: **

Tony Stark woke up disoriented for three reasons – first, he realized he had woken up in his son’s room as soon as he saw the Millennium Falcon model sitting on the desk opposite the bed, which, in turn, made this _not_ his bed but his son was not in sight so he must have woken up ahead of him; second, the last time he woke up hung-over and still in last night’s clothes was more than a decade ago and he was most definitely certain he had not missed the feeling; third, a part of him was almost uncertain about the second reason, because the dream, well, it was so real he was ready to believe somebody had recorded a footage of that fateful morning some fifteen years ago and decided to just replay it in his head today of all days. Talk about timing, right?

He glanced at the clock on the nightstand to see that it was almost 10 in the morning, and that beside it were a couple of pills and a glass of orange juice with the note:

> _DRINK ME!_ 😊 - Peter

He really did not deserve that kid, he thought as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and downed the pills just as instructed. He stayed there for a while, thinking of anything else but _her_ , as he waited for the medicine to kick in. He needed a shower, coffee, and a nice long drive – in that order.

Half an hour later, he went down to the kitchen, all showered and dressed, to see Peter deep in thought in front of the fridge. “I never thought you loved that fridge so much,” he greeted the kid as he made a beeline for the coffeemaker sitting atop the breakfast bar. He poured himself a cup, downed that in one gulp, then poured himself another as he waited for the rush that only a good cup of black coffee could provide.

“Morning, Dad. Would you like some leftovers from last night?” Peter said in between bites of the granola bar he was already munching on. “I was wondering which ones to reheat, Uncle Rhodey cooked too much food for two people.”

“Did he? Where’s Honeybear?”

“Washington,” Peter called back when the kid suddenly left the kitchen only to come back a few minutes later with his phone, wallet, and car keys in hand. “Here you go, Dad. I took them from your coat last night. Uncle Rhodey was told to report and he wanted to wait for you to wake up, but he said he’ll just call you later in the day.”

Tony nodded, taking it all in but then he suddenly remembered, “Pete, where’s my coat?”

“Drycleaners,” Peter paused for a bit as the realization dawned on him, “I saw Grandma’s ring in your coat pocket, I already put it back in your safe.”

“Thanks, kid,” Tony sighed, relieved that his mother’s ring was not lost. “I just thought I’d have it cleaned by the jewelers. Just routine stuff, you know?”

Peter crossed his arms and gave his dad the most ‘exasperated teenager’ look he could muster, that Tony was again reminded that Peter was still really young. “Dad, do I look like I’m four?”

“Well, I sure wish you still were, sometimes.”

Peter rolled his eyes at that, and Tony, for a while there, forgot about his misery. “I know who you meant to give it to, Dad, but we don’t have to talk about it now, if you don’t want to.”

“How about we go for a drive?” Tony stood up from his seat and pocketed his phone and wallet before grabbing his keys. “Let’s have lunch somewhere, then I’ll tell you about some of it.”

\---- --- ----

They had been on the road to Cold Spring for at least an hour now and Tony had basically told Peter about the Christmas Day voicemail and how Killian beat him to it and proposed to Pepper, how he thought she wanted him to give her a reason not to accept the proposal, about the last phone call, and how in just over five hours something changed that she was no longer running away with him. Of course, he glossed over the part of him getting drunk and his mother’s engagement ring, but the kid did not pursue the topic either. He just listened thoughtfully and seemed to be really taking note of everything, although for Tony, all he really needed was a sounding board to vent out his frustrations.

“She loves you, Dad,” Peter simply said after he told him about the last conversation he had with Pepper, almost verbatim.

“Really? That’s your takeaway?” Tony sounded unconvinced as he shifted to a lower gear once they started approaching Main St., Tarrytown. “Because she couldn’t even answer me when I asked her what went wrong. Something’s stopping her and I just couldn’t quite figure it out.”

“You know, Dad, most times, when people don’t offer the truth, it’s because they’re afraid of what someone might think.” Peter took out his phone to search for the menu for RiverMarket Bar and Kitchen. “And I don’t know if you know this, but you can be a pretty judgmental guy.”

Tony frowned at the thought because Pepper, of all people, knew that she could be frank with him, but his genius brain could not fathom why she would be putting all these walls up around her other than the fact that he treated her badly more than a decade ago.

He pulled over in front of the restaurant and waited for Peter to step out of the car. “Alright, kid. We’re ending this talk, you’re becoming smarter than me it’s almost scary. How did you get so wise?”

“I learned from the best,” Peter quipped, a smug grin on his face.

“Aww, you flatter me, kid.”

“I meant Uncle Rhodey,” Peter shot him a jesting look as they stepped inside the restaurant. It was a very spacious farm-to-table restaurant with a relaxing ambiance, something that had been hard to find for Tony lately. “Have you seen today’s news, Dad?” Peter asked while scrolling through his mobile phone.

“I haven’t, but if you’re going to tell me she accepted Killian’s proposal, I wouldn’t be surprised.” _But it would really hurt_ , Tony thought and he let that part remain unsaid.

“Well, they’re engaged,” Peter sounded so dejected it almost choked Tony. This kid was really rooting for him, wasn’t he? “And they’ve set a date two weeks from now.”

That was quick. _Why so fast, Pep?_ _Afraid I could change your mind?_

He thought about it while Peter proceeded to order for the both of them. When the food arrived, they ate in companionable silence and he was just glad that spending time with his son had been… cathartic, at the very least.

“So, Dad,” Peter said in between bites of his bisque, “When are you going to take Ms. Potts to an actual date?”

That caught Tony by surprise because did Peter just say ‘date?’

“Hold up a second, which part of ‘engaged’ did you not understand? Kid, we do not proposition an engaged woman. You’re forcing me to be the voice of reason and it’s not a good look on me.” He admonished rather jokingly.

“But, Dad, can’t you just take her out to, I don’t know, get some sushi? She’s your lobster, Dad.”

Occasionally, Tony would catch himself amazed on how this kid saw the world – so simple, so uncomplicated, so naïve, so trusting – it made him wonder if it was a good or a bad thing.

“You really have to stop watching too much TV and movies, you know? Besides, don’t you think Pepper and I are way past sushi at this point?”

“Touché. But aren’t you really going to do anything about it?” The kid was basically pleading, it made Tony wonder if Peter just really liked Pepper a lot, or if he wanted a mother figure around, or both.

“I don’t know, kid,” he just pretty much felt resigned at this point. “She’s still one of my oldest friends, you know? I’d hate to lose that part, too.” He asked for the check while Peter finish off his drinks.

“Dad, she never said no.” Peter saw Tony’s inquiring look so he went on, “Just remember that Ms. Potts never said she doesn’t love you. Because she does. You owe it to her to save her from a possibly loveless marriage.”

“You know, Pete,” Tony was teasing but he was actually grateful, grateful for this kid and that he was turning out so well, “Sometimes I really wonder who actually raised you, doesn’t seem like I did.”

Peter had laughed at that and they stood up and traced their way back to the car when Peter suddenly remembered something. “Dad, don’t forget my school’s concert fundraiser in two weeks.”

“Yeah, tell me again why did I sign up for that?”

“Well, you did sign up because you wanted to show everyone that Tony Stark is many things: genius, billionaire, playboy-no-more, philanthropist, and most of all, rockstar,” Peter chuckled at the moniker as they stepped back inside the car. “Plus, you wanted to be this cool, hip dad.”

“Yeah, and you’re welcome, by the way,” Tony retorted as he hit reverse and drove back to New York.

\---- --- ----

Almost two weeks had passed and Tony was a bit surprised that he actually walked the talk – _“Kid, we do not proposition an engaged woman,”_ – but it was only two days until the wedding and he was already getting antsy. He hated the fact that, for all intents and purposes, the wedding seemed to be really happening, and as he sat there in the Stark Industries conference room for the Board of Directors meeting, he could not help but sulk.

He watched as Pepper presented the company’s projections for the year, the expected completion dates of the various projects that the company had launched in the last quarter, and so on and so forth but he was not really paying attention. Peter’s words kept playing in his head – _“She never said no,”_ – and he began drumming his fingers on the table anxious for the meeting to end. When it finally did, he waited for each member of the board to congratulate Pepper on their way out before approaching her himself. God, when was the last time he talked to her? Right, it was the night she did _not_ run away with him.

“Did you get my congratulatory flowers?” He gave her a polite smile while she closed her laptop and gathered the papers in front of her.

“I did, they’re beautiful,” she narrowed her eyes trying to get a read on him, “Though I’m surprised you sent those, considering…”

“My assistant sent them, he thought it’s the polite thing to do. You’re my CEO after all.” He caught her gaze and before he knew it, the words were out of his mouth, “Pep, you didn’t say no.” She looked at him questioningly so he went on, “That night… When I asked you if you love me… you didn’t say no. And you kissed me back… and you were ready to run away with me…”

“Tony, don’t…” she begged him to stop. “Look, I have a busy day, so if you want to talk I only have five minutes.”

“Five minutes?” he sounded so offended, it was almost funny. “Clearly, we’re not spending enough time together. I checked with Bambi and she said you’re leaving after the meeting. So, you have the rest of the day off.”

“I have a long day, okay? In fact, I should be going by now.” She eyed her list of appointments for the day which Tony snatched away from the table. She looked at him sadly as he read through the list.

> _11:00 Godiva – chocolates for gift bags_   
>  _12:00 Preston Bailey – flowers final, approve table settings_   
>  _14:00 Meet Jill at Barney’s – honeymoon attire, getaway outfit_   
>  _15:00 Sylvia Weinstock – cake tasting_   
>  _16:30 Mark Ingram Atelier – final dress fitting_

He honestly thought his heart would give out when he saw what was on her schedule. _It’s really happening_ , he thought bitterly.

“Where’s Killian?” he asked, not even hiding his hostility.

“Business trip,” Pepper’s answer was clipped and he could very well tell why.

“Why am I not surprised? Will he even make it to the wedding?” He really tried not to sound sardonic, but he couldn’t help it.

 _Two days_ , he thought, _I’ve got two days_. _Might as well._

“Come on, Potts.” He motioned for her to follow him while he grabbed a pencil from the table and pocketed her list to his coat. “Let’s go, we have to be at Godiva by 11.”

“Tony, stop it. You wouldn’t want to tag along,” she protested as she followed him through the elevator.

 _Yeah, I don’t want to, but I’ve only got two days left with you. I think I’ll take what I can get_.

“Try me, Potts. Come on, it will be fun.”

\---- --- ----

Much to Pepper’s surprise, having Tony around was actually…fun. He was pleasant enough throughout the whole afternoon and he did not even make a snide remark or two against Aldrich. Other than his comment about her choosing the wrong flowers, he was actually…insightful, and he made sure that she finalized things based on her own preferences. So for as long as she did not mention Aldrich’s name, the rest of the afternoon went on smoothly.

They were in their last stop at Mark Ingram’s for her final dress fitting, and after a glass or two of champagne, they had both loosened up a bit. Gone was the almost palpable tension between the two, albeit temporarily, and eventually it just felt like two old friends getting back together, well at least, to Pepper.

They were waiting for the staff to get the dress ready when she spotted a beautiful silver necklace with a heart-shaped ruby pendant. “That one, that’s beautiful,” she told the jeweler who gladly took the piece from its box for her to try it on.

“Here, let me,” Tony said taking the necklace and helping her put it on. “It looks good on you, Potts.”

“Why are you doing this, Tony?” she asked before she had actually given it a thought if it was a good thing to bring up. It could ruin the rest of the day after all. _And so far, today has been… perfect_ , _right?_

“Well, I’ve got time on my hands… and I thought I’d play chauffer / personal assistant,” he tried to sound nonchalant as much as possible. “Plus, you know I’ve got good taste for these kinds of things.” _And I wanted to spend the day with you, as much as you’ll allow me to._

“Really, Tony…” she narrowed her eyes at him, clearly knowing he was not going to let her in on his thoughts. She was about to ask him again when the staff caught her attention and informed her that the dressing room was ready for her.

Pepper was changing into the wedding dress behind the curtain, when he thought maybe he could give her an honest answer after all, something… safe, but still true. “I thought I’d spend the day with you because Peter has been asking about you.” There, that was a safe territory, somehow.

“Why?” he heard her ask behind the curtain.

He paced for a bit before stopping, his back facing the curtain with his hands in his pockets. “Well, he likes you, Pep, and he’s been badgering me for details on what it’s like to work with _the_ Virginia Potts. I think he’s secretly a fanboy, he knows how many times you’ve been featured in Forbes after all.”

“Well, I don’t think he’s a fanboy, but he is indeed a very sweet kid,” he heard Pepper say just as he noted that the curtains were being drawn.

He turned around to face her and it was probably the most heartbreaking sight he had ever seen. She looked beautiful in that strapless ivory wedding dress, its asymmetrical ruched bodice perfectly cinched her waist and gorgeous diamonds embellished her hip, while the skirt twisted elegantly down the floor in a chapel train. Her hair was done in classy chignon and she had never looked more radiant, more breathtaking, so much so that he could feel his heart breaking.

“What is it? Is it too much?” she asked him worriedly, a frown dampening her features when she saw the somber look on his face, “Not enough?”

“It’s not the dress,” he assured her, trying not to let the long buried dreams of seeing her walk down the aisle, towards him, get the better of him. "It’s you in it."

She turned around and took a deep breath as they both stood in front of the full-length mirrors, her back towards him. She caught his eye through the mirror and willed him to hold her gaze, “I’m sorry. I thought, um… I didn’t mean…” She saw him looked down, avoiding her, “We’re here as friends, right?”

Tony finally lifted his chin and nodded as he sadly looked at her, “No, _we are_ friends. It’s just how you look.”

\---- --- ----

The drive to Pepper’s building had been a quiet one, with Tony still unable to get the image of Pepper in her wedding dress out of his mind, and Pepper being unsure of what to say. They pulled over in front of the lobby and Tony hurriedly stepped out of the car to get her door for her. They stood there outside, in the courtyard, rather uneasily, and to Tony, he was just basically trying to prolong the moment.

“You haven’t RSVP’d,” Pepper smiled at him sadly.

“Well, I don’t like Killian.” It was a curt reply, but he was sure she would understand that it was simply the truth and that no anger was intended for her.

“I know,” she smiled at him knowingly, and it pleased him to know that she knew what he was trying to say.

He sighed as he looked at her and he could not help but raise a hand to cup her face. “What are you not telling me, Pep?” he asked softly as his thumb gently stroke her cheek. “There’s nothing that you could ever say that would make me let go.” _And I love you,_ but he chose to leave the last part out.

She gently wrapped a hand around his wrist and held the hand cradling her face to both of hers instead, “Thank you for today, Tony. We make quite a good team.”

“We always did. Good luck, Pep, with everything.” He did not want to say goodbye, but it sounded like this might be it. “I’m sure you’ll make a beautiful bride.”

She nodded as she bit her lip and finally let go of his hand. She tearfully smiled at him this time, “Will that be all, Mr. Stark?”

“I hope not,” he admitted, “But yes, that will be all, Ms. Potts.”

She stepped forward to press a gentle kiss on his cheek before he got in his car and drove way, leaving her standing in her lobby wondering if this was indeed goodbye. She was interrupted from her thoughts, though, when her phone buzzed and she found a text from Peter:

> _Hey, Ms. Potts. If you’re free tomorrow night, please come to my school’s concert fundraiser? Dad volunteered because he wanted to be cool. I haven't told him but we could make fun of his rockstar dreams together. Please? See you!_
> 
> _7:00 PM, Midtown School of Science and Technology, but Dad gets on stage around 8:00._ 😊

She smiled at the thought, who could forget that Stark Industries Christmas Party when Tony insisted on a duet with Sting anyway. That was quite a revelation.

\---- --- ----

“The guests will be checked into their suites as soon as they arrive. The walk-through is at two, and the rehearsal dinner starts promptly at seven tonight. Oh, and don’t forget your magazine interview in one hour,” the wedding planner detailed the day’s events as she handed Pepper the paper containing the preliminary questions for the interview. She scanned the questions and grimaced at what she read:

> _“How is it like to work for Stark Industries, given that it's also your former boyfriend’s company? What are Mr. Killian’s thoughts on this?”_
> 
> _“What are Mr. Stark’s thoughts on your engagement to Mr. Killian?”_
> 
> _“Was breaking up with Mr. Stark the reason why you left New York fifteen years ago? If so, what convinced you to come back and work for his company?”_

There were about eight more questions on the list, suddenly the press were digging up her shared history with Tony just because she was getting married, but she handed it back to the wedding planner, “Please cancel that, I’m not doing the interview until they have a better set of questions. But don’t tell them that, think of something nicer to say.”

They were now walking at St. Patrick’s Cathedral when Pepper suddenly stopped and turned to her wedding planner, “I think I wanted cymbidiums, why did we go for hyacinths? And why did we choose fish? It’s unseasonably warm. And the plates, oh no, we should have gone for the Limoges…”

“Hey, hey. What’s the matter?” Aldrich asked noticing her agitation. “You were fine this morning, and now you’re finding fault with everything. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all, I’m just…” Pepper took a deep breath and frustratingly shook her head. “I think I’ll go back to my place. I’ll see you later at the rehearsal dinner, okay?”

She kissed him on the cheek leaving Aldrich Killian very confused and worried.

\---- --- ----

It was half past six in the evening and the crowd at Midtown School of Science and Technology’s school grounds was buzzing. There was an outdoor stage constructed just for the event and the seats surrounding it were quickly being filled. Peter made his way backstage just in time to see his dad fixing his hair for the seventh time that night.

“Hey, Dad!”

“Hey, kid!” Tony Stark surveyed his look in the mirror one last time. He was wearing a gray shirt beneath a black leather jacket with its round collar enclosure unbuttoned. He paired it with black pants and sneakers. Peter surveyed the look and gave his dad a thumbs up while grinning; brownie points indeed for his dad for actually looking the part of a rockstar.

“This is incredible, Dad! I'm glad you're doing a duet with an actual artist and not a solo and I hope you’re sufficiently nervous because there’s like more than two hundred people out there. Which is _way_ more than the number of people at that SI Christmas Party Uncle Rhodey told me about. Plus there’s the press.” Peter snickered when his dad ruffled his hair to stop him from teasing. “Dad, any sign of Ms. Potts, yet?”

“Why would she be here?” Tony asked confused. “Kid, tonight’s the rehearsal dinner.”

Peter crossed his arms and furrowed his brows deep in thought, “Well, I might have invited her.” He smiled at his dad, though, “Team Stark, remember?”

“Kid,” Tony began, thinking how it was almost a crime that he was letting go but Peter clearly was not, yet. “Let it go, tonight’s the rehearsal dinner and the wedding’s tomorrow.” He patted Peter on the shoulder and the kid seemed to understand as he quietly nodded.

“Alright, Dad.” Peter turned to go back to the bleachers but stopped halfway through it. He looked at his dad, seriously this time. “Just… If she shows up, Dad, please don’t let her go.”

Tony nodded at the kid, but he could not help but worry.

_Alright, kid, but let’s not get our hopes up._

_\---- --- ----_

> _Peter: Hey, Ms. Potts! See you in an hour?_

Pepper sighed when she saw the message from Peter, she had forgotten to tell the kid that tonight was the rehearsal dinner and clearly, she needed to be here. She had been here for just ten minutes though and her nerves were again all over the place just like it did that morning, the glass of champagne clutched in her hand not helping at all. She felt… suffocated as she looked around at the mingling guests and she could not help but feel that this seemed to be more of a business gala than a rehearsal dinner. She took quick shallow breaths in an attempt to steady herself but doing so only seemed to prevent the air from further reaching her lungs. She could feel her heart racing and her hands trembling, and she began to feel lightheaded.

“You okay?” Aldrich asked noticing her distress. He took the glass of champagne from her and tried to lead her towards a nearby couch, but she only shook her head and motioned for him to stop.

“No… I don’t feel so good. May I be excused?” She took out her phone already shooting a message to the driver she had on standby for after the dinner.

“Now?” Aldrich sounded surprised, not to mention displeased. “It’s our rehearsal dinner, and you’re the bride.”

“I know, I can’t. I, uh…wish I could explain.”

Aldrich eyed her suspiciously, “There seems to be a lot lately that you can’t explain.”

“I’m sorry.” Pepper tried to soothe him as she kissed his cheek, “I just…there’s something I have to do. I'll see you tomorrow at the wedding, okay?”

Before the groom could even protest, Pepper Potts was spotted leaving her own rehearsal dinner and driving off to Bronx, New York.

\---- --- ----

Pepper arrived at the school grounds a little over half an hour later, feeling lighter than she did at the rehearsal dinner. The panic attack had long passed and as soon as she stepped out to the school’s fresh air, she seemed to have a clearer head as well. She took out her phone and scrolled over to Aldrich’s name and was about to call him to apologize when she saw Tony onstage, bathed by the warm spotlight.

_“Six on the second hand, two New Year's resolutions,  
“And there's just no question, what this man should do,”_

He was wearing that old leather jacket she had bought for him on a whim after he did that duet in one of SI’s Christmas parties more than a decade ago. He had always joked that she was only feeding his rockstar dreams, but in truth he had always had the voice for it.

_“Take all the time lost, all the days that I cost,  
“Take what I took and give it back to you,”_

She pocketed her phone and approached the stage instead and went on to stand beside the first few bleachers, near enough for him to notice her. She crossed her arms and just watched him there, smiling in spite of herself.

_“All this time we were waiting for each other,  
“All this time I was waiting for you,  
“We got all these words can't waste them on another,  
“So I'm straight in a straight line running back to you,”_

He spotted her then, a small smile on her face, and he couldn’t help but gaze at her as he sang the next few lines.

_“Oh, every time is so far,_   
_“It's just so far,_   
_“To get back to where you are,”_

She nodded at him, as if to say goodbye, then turned to leave, but he motioned for the band to continue without him as he ran after her. He easily caught up and he stood in front of her, effectively blocking her way. The crowd was looking at them now, including Peter, and some cameras were trained in their direction, but Tony did not budge from where he stood.

“Get out of my way, Tony.”

Tony just gazed at her intently as he shook his head, unmoving, “No.”

She sighed and tried to sidestep him but he got in the way once more. “Get out of my way,” and there was the commanding CEO voice he found oddly endearing.

"No," he said shaking his head once more. _I'm not letting you go, not this time._

She gazed at him imploringly, and for a minute there he thought she would stand her ground and wait for him to eventually give in, but she didn’t. Instead, she took a step towards him and gently held on to his arms as she leaned and pressed a light, chaste kiss against his lips. He kissed her back, gently, only to pull away shortly.

“Pep, there are cameras…”

“I don’t care…” she whispered, few tears streaming down her face as she kissed him once more. So he took her in his arms, pulling her closer as he kissed her back, and as her hands rose to the side of his neck, snaking around to his nape, he parted his lips urging hers to part, too, and he deepened the kiss just as she kissed him back as fervently.

All around, a few cameras were flashing but they couldn’t care less. She was his home, he _is_ home.

_“Straight in a straight line, running back to you…”_

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the opening flashback, which also doubled as Tony's dream, was my favorite part, so far. I hope it conveyed the restraint I wanted it to.
> 
> P.S. Did anyone cancel a wedding? No?
> 
> 🎧 All This Time by OneRepublic


	9. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “In fairy tales, the princesses kiss the frogs, and the frogs become princes. In real life, the princesses kiss princes, and the princes turn into frogs.” ―Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just leaving a **WARNING** for a manipulative Aldrich Killian, in case manipulation and possessiveness are triggering to anyone.

** Present day, January, Manhattan NY: **

It was half past six in the morning when Tony woke up from what occurred to him as the best sleep he had had in years, in spite just having a little over three hours of shut-eye. He was lying on his stomach with his face buried in a pillow when he caught that familiar floral scent layered over sandalwood and vanilla.

 _Pepper_ , he smiled at the thought as he slowly opened his eyes and saw her sleeping serenely beside him, in his bed, in his house. Even unconscious, she looked lovely with her fiery hair contrasting nicely against the white pillowcases and the covers gliding smoothly on her fair skin. He shifted to his side and pulled her close, hugging her tightly as he stretched beside her. He buried his nose in her hair and sighed contently, before planting light kisses below her ear down to the base of her throat. He grinned when he heard a soft appreciative moan just as she raised a hand to run her fingers through his hair.

“Morning, Pep,” he whispered to her ear just as she shivered. “Are you cold?” he asked, grabbing a sheet to pull over them and smirking as he softly kissed the side of her lips. “Maybe I need to warm you again.”

“This is good right now.”

“So we stay right here, then,” he pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her waist, “Right in each other’s arms.”

“It’s day…” she softly whispered, noticing the warm light slowly peeking through the curtains. “As in wedding day… _my_ wedding day.” She shifted, turning on her side to look at him and placing her hand lightly on his chest. She gazed intently at him, “I’m not ready to say goodbye.”

“Then don’t,” his arms tightened around her as he lightly kissed her bare shoulder. “Last night was amazing… and I want you with me, in this bed… for a lot more nights… So don’t go…” he kissed her lips possessively, a hard deep kiss to try to end the talk.

He was about to gently push her on her back when her phone started ringing and he had no other choice but to pull away as he fumbled for her phone on the nightstand. He narrowed his eyes in annoyance when he looked at the screen, “It’s Killian. Our pictures are probably uploaded everywhere. Do you want me to answer it?”

“Do you want me to kill you?” she took the phone from him and grabbed the covers with her as she pulled herself up to sit on the bed with her back against the headboard. Tony sat beside her and gently stroke her arms repeatedly.

“Hello… Yes, that was me at that school… But I went home after… We’re not supposed to see each other before the wedding… Okay, that’s fine, I’ll meet you in an hour.”

She sighed as she tossed the phone to the foot of the bed. “I don’t know what Aldrich wants but I have to go.”

She got off the bed but Tony grabbed her wrist and looked at her pleadingly, “Pep, don’t go… Don’t get married…” He tugged her back down to sit in front of him. He took her hands in his and softly kissed her knuckles. “What are you going to tell Killian?”

“I don’t know,” she shook her head closing her eyes. “He didn’t sound angry. Obviously he knew about the kiss, but—”

“He didn’t know about the night,” Tony finished for her. He raised a hand to cup her face and she leaned in to his touch tearfully meeting his gaze.

“I should go…”

Tony quietly nodded and gave her a sad smile. He watched as she picked up her clothes that were strewn all over the floor and she began to get dressed.

“Let me get Happy to drive you. I’d do it myself but I don’t think I could let you go.”

She shook her head at him while buttoning her coat, “The last thing I need is for Aldrich to know that when I said ‘home,’ I actually meant yours.”

“Okay...” He reached out for her hand and pulled her towards him, “One more for the road?”

She nodded, a sad smile on her face, and so he kissed her one last time before she finally pulled away and stepped out of his bedroom. He watched her go before sinking back into the bed and burying his head on her pillow, trying to catch her scent that had lingered in the sheets.

\---- --- ----

It was not until three hours later when Tony finally decided to roll out of bed and step in the shower rather reluctantly, he could still smell her on him after all, and he could not help but feel despondent when the cold water hit his skin. He tried not to dwell so much on everything that happened the night before, never mind the fact that he so wanted to commit everything to memory, and on the fact that, maybe, that was indeed goodbye, for real this time. Commitment had always been more of Pepper’s territory than his, and so it would not exactly surprise him if the wedding were to push through that afternoon after all. But it did not mean that it wouldn’t hurt, because it definitely would and big time.

He stepped out of the shower a few minutes later and dressed quickly, realizing he actually did not have any plans for the day. He padded downstairs for his usual cup of coffee when he saw Peter sitting at the breakfast bar, busily typing at his laptop while the bowl of cereal sat at the side completely forgotten.

“Morning, kid. What time did you get in?” he asked while he poured himself a cup of coffee.

“Just an hour ago, I slept at Ned’s,” his son answered not looking up from his laptop screen. “And how was your night, Dad?”

“Hmm… It was…a special night.” In spite of the day’s events and uncertainties, he could not help but grin at the memory. He knew Peter would have a field day teasing him about it, but at this point really, he couldn’t care.

“Tony Stark is a romantic,” Peter grinned at him, head shaking unbelieving. “Who knew.”

“Now you do.”

He walked over to sit beside Peter to see what had gotten the kid so busy in the morning. He almost laughed when he saw so many browser tabs opened to various gossip, entertainment, and news websites.

“What are you looking for? I never thought you were so interested in current affairs and… PageSix?”

“I’m looking for pictures of you and Ms. Potts from last night.” Peter looked so serious with his ‘research’ that Tony couldn’t help but laugh. Really, the way this kid’s brain worked had always been quite unpredictable. Well, like father like son, indeed.

“And how big of a problem, or should I say, _not_ -problem are we looking at here?” He scanned the websites that Peter had been scrolling through, “Perez? CNN? Any news that Killian’s calling off the wedding? Come on, kid, give me some good news.”

“That’s just it, Dad. There’s not much news,” Peter furrowed his brows as he switched from one browser tab to another, “You’re trending on Twitter, though, and that’s where most of the photos are. But the gossip sites were not reporting about it.”

“Okay, I’m going to stop you right there, because you just said ‘gossip sites’ and ‘reporting’ in the same sentence.” He finished his cup and stood up to get a refill. “I’m sure Killian paid off most of the press at the venue, that’s why.”

“But can’t we like pay them more? To leak the pictures and report about it? I’m sure you can afford it, Dad.”

“I can afford it, yes, but why would I do that?”

“To pressure Aldrich Killian to call off the wedding. Because Team Stark, remember?” the kid said so matter-of-factly, that Tony began to really think about it, not about paying the press but about Peter.

Now, Peter had always been a good kid, he was so good Tony would often wonder how he turned out so well all things considered. He was polite and honest, he followed house rules, he never cut classes, he never sneaked out, he never acted out, you know the usual teenager stuff. So when the kid tried to play matchmaker for him and Pepper last Thanksgiving, Tony just shrugged it off to the novelty of the idea to Peter. But this? Would this fall under acting out? Alright, his parenting was being put to the test.

“Do you miss your mom, Pete? Do you miss _having_ a mom?” he asked tentatively, not wanting to ambush the kid but it kind of did come out that way anyway.

“Well, you know I don’t remember much about Mom,” Peter frowned at the thought and closed his laptop to look at his dad. “And you’re just the best, Dad. You really are, and I’m cool with how things are. But… I guess it wouldn’t be so bad, you know? The idea? And the great thing is I already like Ms. Potts and you love her…and she loves you, too. You deserve to be together, Dad, with or without the wanting-a-mom factor.”

At this point, really, Tony had no idea who was consoling who. “We can’t make that decision for her, kid.”

“I know,” Peter nodded defeatedly. “It’s such a shame though, because last night? That was the happiest I’ve seen you, Dad.”

_I know, kid. I know._

He didn't realize Peter's words would bother him all afternoon, though.

\---- --- ----

Pepper Potts stepped out of the elevator to the penthouse of an old empty building in Manhattan. It was one of those buildings that had been sold and resold to various businessmen and had seen days as a hotel, an office building, and as a hotel again. It had twenty-one floors, most of which were empty, except for the floor which housed the building’s security and the ground floor which mostly served as retail stores and restaurants and diners presently.

She saw Aldrich Killian standing by the floor-to-ceiling windows, his back towards her, hands in his pockets, looking at the Manhattan skyline. She went to stand beside him and she studied his features - he did not seem mad, he just seemed…decided.

“Aldrich, I’m sure you’ve seen last night’s photos—”

“This is the first building I ever bought,” he began still looking straight ahead, not meeting her eyes.

“Well, it’s quite impressive. You had a good eye, even back then.”

“Sometimes, I like to come back here just to…feel how it felt like the first time I saw it, when I was young.”

She eyed him curiously wondering why he would rather not discuss last night’s photos, but she decided to just let him steer the conversation for now.

“Well, there is comfort in revisiting the things that we loved…especially when we were young.”

“I agree,” he faced her this time, willing her to hold his gaze. “But I’m not that young man anymore. I think I’ve already outgrown this place, and that holding on to it keeps me from moving forward. I’m thinking about selling it. What do you think should I do?”

“I think you should let it go…” she agreed, averting her gaze from his and looking down at the New York traffic instead.

“I agree, now can you do the same for me?”

Pepper wanted to scream right there and then, hating how passive-aggressive Aldrich was being. To be honest, she thought she came here to be chastised about last night’s events, and to hash it out and fight over it. To be even more honest, she thought he was going to tell her that he was calling off the wedding, and social reputations be damned, but that did not seem like a very bad thing at all. And yet here he was, clearly giving her an out, a clean slate.

“I know about what happened at the fundraiser, and I know about your history with Stark,” he went on, ignoring her silence. “But I’m willing to look past that just as I will admit to you that I paid the press not to release the photos. I understand that it’s tempting to cling to the past because it’s familiar, but you have to move forward.”

“Why did you do that? Paid the press?”

“I did it to protect you.” He raised a hand to her chin, willing her to look at him, “Can you do the same for me?”

She did not trust herself to say anything, so she just nodded quietly.

\---- --- ----

Thirty minutes before the ceremony, Pepper, in her wedding dress, was still holed up in her room and was already on her second glass of white wine, nerves clearly all over the place. She gulped that second glass and was just about to put on a bracelet when she heard someone knock on the door. She went to answer it and there was Tony Stark standing in front of her, blue velvet box in hand.

“What are you doing here?” she asked as she closed the door behind her. “I thought we had security.”

“Why, do you want them to throw me out?” He pulled her to sit in front of him while he put the box in front of the vanity mirror. “So you want me to leave?”

“Well, I didn’t say that.”

“Pep, do you want me to call off this wedding?” He took her hand in his and rubbed her knuckles with his thumb. “Because if you so much as nod yes, I will go out there and tell your fiancé and your guests that they can go home.”

“I didn’t say that either.”

“Then say something, Pep, because I’ve been racking my brain here and nothing fits! You kissed me back at the benefit, you kissed me back in your apartment, you kissed me at the fundraiser. So I’m gonna ask you again, do you love me? And you can’t say no because last night… You could not have possibly faked _that_ when you slept with me.” His breaths were ragged, more out of frustration than anger, and he had to stand and turn his back to her for a while because his eyes were beginning to well up.

“I love you, Tony.”

She said it so quietly that he almost did not hear it due to the pounding in his ears. He turned back to sit in front of her, and he cupped her face, urging her to meet his gaze, “Then why are you doing this?”

And as much as she wanted to tell him, she just couldn’t. She shook her head instead, her eyes almost begging him to just stop…and to please understand.

“What is it, Pep? What could be so bad that you’d be willing to go up there and start this crappy, disappointing life with Killian? Whatever it is, we can figure this out.”

“Can we?” she pleaded more than asked. “Tony, it’s been fifteen years. I don’t think this is the moment to hash out the details—”

“That’s just it. Even after fifteen years, you’re still unsure if you could trust me.” He knew he sounded bitter, but he couldn’t care less. “That guy, Killian? You have to know, you’re making the biggest mistake of your life.”

“Tony—”

“Pepper, I fought for you, long, and hard. But you have to fight for us, too.” He knew he was losing her, again, but he knew at this point that nothing he could say could make her change her mind. “What do you want me to say?” he asked her softly, this time.

“Lie to me…”

He could not help but feel as if somebody had just put the final nail in his coffin.

“Alright, then. I’m not here to win you back. I’m only here to give you this.” He opened the blue velvet box he had brought with him to reveal a diamond band bracelet, which he put on her wrist. “This was Mom’s. This can be your something old.”

“Tony, I can’t accept this…”

He stood up to leave but he turned back to look at her just before he reached the door. “It’s always meant to be yours… It's the truth. That’s what Mom had always wanted.”

\---- --- ----

“Ms. Potts?”

Pepper raised her head from her hands to see Larissa, her wedding planner, standing by the door of the dressing room, a clipboard and a manila envelope in hand. She had been crying since Tony left and she had no idea how much time had passed since then. She looked at herself in the mirror to survey the damage, but aside from the tear stains and her red eyes, the rest of her makeup at least seemed salvageable.

“What time is it, Larissa?” she asked while she pulled some tissues to dab the sweat and tears off of her face.

“It’s 5:30, Ms. Potts. We’re thirty minutes behind schedule, but it’s okay. We’ll just adjust the program for the rest of the night. Do you need more time or will twenty minutes be enough?”

“That’s okay, Larissa. In fact, why don’t you tell Aldrich I’ll be there in ten? I’ll just redo part of my makeup.”

“Okay, then.” Larissa was about to leave when she remembered the envelope she was holding, “Can I put this in your suitcase, Ms. Potts? The concierge said it’s for Mr. Killian and that it arrived last night, but I wouldn’t want to misplace it during today’s festivities.”

“Why don’t you just leave it here on the table? I’ll put it in my suitcase before I step out.”

Larissa nodded and placed the file on the table then left to relay her message to Aldrich. She was almost done, and just when she glanced down to pick up her lipstick, the envelope’s return address caught her eye. It was that of Aldrich’s private investigator, and she knew because she had booked a few of his appointments for him more than a year ago.

Curious, she picked it up and went over the contents when she noted that it was a dossier about her – her birth certificate, school and university records, records from her previous companies, photos from her modelling days including the original copies and raw film of those black and white nude portrait she did for Mapplethorpe, dental records, and medical records. She quickly read through the medical files and she was finally able to breathe when she saw there were no records of her accident in L.A..

“Where did you get that, Pepper?”

She was so preoccupied with going through the contents of the file that she did not notice Aldrich came in to the room. His face was a mixture of panic and anger when he saw her riffling through the contents of the file, and she could not help but feel chagrined because between the two of them, she was the one who should actually be angry.

“Why do you have a file on me?”

“I did it to protect you,” Aldrich tried to placate her. “I’m a very powerful man, Pepper. Anything about you can be used against me by my enemies, my competition. That’s why I had my team try to contain your photos with Stark from last night.”

“And you couldn’t just ask me about my past? You had to go behind my back and hire someone to investigate?”

“You weren’t exactly very forthcoming about it,” Aldrich sneered as he took a threatening step towards her. “And don’t act so righteous, Pepper. I know you’ve been fooling around with Stark, but do you think he’d be able to forgive you when he finds out about L.A.?” He saw her panic so he went on to push his advantage. He took out a smaller envelope from the inside pocket of his suit and handed it to her, “This came in just today, because you hid it so well my guy had a hard time finding it, but he did anyway. So tell me, would you like Stark to know about this?”

She opened it and saw the police reports, EMT accounts, and hospitalization records from her accident in L.A., including…everything. She tearfully looked at Aldrich and whispered, “Who gave this to you?”

“You know that Stark will never forgive you.” He took the envelope from her and he replaced the files back into the bigger envelope.

“You don’t know Tony—”

“Have you learned nothing in the last fifteen years?” He raised a hand to tuck a stray hair behind her ear. “I’m willing to look past this, Pepper, and I want you to leave SI after the wedding. We both know he won’t forgive you, but I’m willing to accept you in spite of everything.” He kissed her on the cheek before wiping her tears with his thumb. “I’d give you the files, but you know it’s not the only copy. I’ll see you in ten minutes. Don’t keep our guests waiting.”

“You can’t control my life, Aldrich.”

He turned to look at her just before he reached the door, “Then I’ll make sure that if I can’t have you, no one else will.”

\---- --- ----

“Dad?”

Peter dropped by the family room of the house on 74th street only to find his dad hunched over the sofa, drink in hand. He knew his father wasn’t drunk but he had that vacant look in his eyes as he absent-mindedly answered him, “Yeah, kid?”

“I’m gonna go to bed. Are you gonna be okay here?” He was unsure about leaving his dad alone, but he himself had no idea what to do. “We can watch Star Wars in my room.”

“I’ll be fine, kid,” Tony tried to give the kid a smile, “And this is the first and only glass I’ll have.”

“Okay,” he went over to give the old man a hug. “I love you, Dad.”

“I love you, too, Pete.” Tony watched as Peter made his way up to his room, then decided to finish the drink he had been nursing for the night.

 _Fifteen years_ , he thought, _I made it through fifteen years without her, I could do it again._

He stood up to retire to his own room when the bell on the main door rang followed by incessant knocking. He went to answer it and was surprised to see Pepper, still in her wedding dress and openly weeping.

“Say yes to this?” she asked him in between sobs, her voice breaking. “Can I stay here for the night?”

He did not need to think twice as he pulled her into his arms and he felt Pepper collapse into him as he enveloped her in his embrace.

“Yes, of course,” he whispered trying to quiet her sobs. “What did Killian do to you? Did he hurt you?”

She would not answer him then, but at least for now she was home. She was safe.

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is another draft for this chapter with a different ending, but I figured we could reserve the tears for the succeeding chapters.


	10. Run Away with Me 2.0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Secrets have a cost, they're not for free. Not now, not ever." —May Parker, The Amazing Spider-Man

** Present day, January, Manhattan NY: **

Tony sat on his bed, his body slouched forward with his arms crossed over his thighs, waiting for Pepper to come out from the bathroom. He had no idea what was going on other than the fact that she was at his doorstep, on her wedding night and still in her wedding dress, crying over some unfathomable grief she had yet to share with him. All he knew was that given the variables, Killian had something to do with it. _The bastard_ , he thought, which was odd because considering all his encounters with the guy, other than being a womanizing idiot back at the Firefighter’s Benefit and the testosterone competition they apparently had at the Wollman Rink a few days before Christmas, he really had no proof that the guy had done anything horrible to Pepper. She had never mentioned anything to him anyway, but then again, when did she ever? With Pepper, at least ever since she came back, Tony found himself grasping in the dark, which he never liked but it was not as if he could really do anything about it. She would tell him what she thought he needed to know, when she’s ready to do so.

What ailed his heart, though, was that Pepper wasn’t usually like this – broken, openly crying, closed off. She had always carried herself confidently and with authority and she was never the type who would make someone feel needed, as harsh as that possibly sounded. She had always been her own person even when they were together (God knows _especially_ when they were together), so to see her running to him for help, or whatever it was he thought she needed, just really made it obvious that something clearly was not adding up. The Pepper he knew could eviscerate any corporate jerk without batting an eyelash on a random day, and yet lately, it seemed as if she was backed into a corner and he could not figure out why. It occurred to him that maybe, just maybe, Killian did have something on her, because why else would she marry the guy, right? When clearly, she wanted to be with him instead.

He was interrupted from his thoughts when the bathroom door opened and Pepper came out wearing his old MIT sweatshirt and one of his cotton pajama pants. She offered him a small smile as she placed her wedding dress on the hamper and moved to sit on one side of his bed, with her back against the headboard.

“Sorry about that,” Tony nodded at her, appreciating the way she looked in his old MIT shirt. It was almost exactly the same way she looked some fifteen years ago and his heart ached at the thought. “Your only other sleepwear option is Peter’s science pun shirts…and I didn’t live here with Mary so…” he trailed off not really wanting to talk about Peter’s mother.

“It’s okay, Tony. These are comfortable,” she smiled sheepishly not wanting to meet his gaze, “And I don’t know if you remember but I’ve always loved wearing this sweatshirt.”

Tony could not help but smile in return, “Of course, I remember. By the way, no matter what you wear, you look fantastic.”

He watched as she pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them to hug herself. She had calmed down after the night’s hysterics although her eyes had remained red and a bit swollen.

“I’m sorry for the intrusion, Tony,” she whispered almost apologetically that he could not help but reach out to give her arm a light squeeze.

“No bother. I’m always happy to see you.” He narrowed his eyes as he contemplated on how to best go about his next question, but there was really no other way to it. “Where’s Killian?”

She frowned at the mere mention of her fiancé that Tony was beginning to regret asking but she carried on anyway. “I left him,” she said it so matter-of-factly that Tony almost felt validated for thinking she really did not love the guy…that much. “I did it for myself, I’m not expecting anything…from you.” She smiled when she met his gaze, adding, “Well, except for letting me stay the night.”

“Well, I only asked so I wouldn’t be surprised when I end up in tomorrow’s tabloids for kidnapping someone else’s wife. I just thought my legal team could use some heads up.”

That made Pepper giggle, and God, how he missed that sound.

“You won’t,” she assured him, “And I’m not.”

Relief, he felt some form of relief knowing she did not get married after all. _Thank God,_ he thought as he let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

“What happened, Pep?”

“I couldn’t go through with it,” she shook her head staring blankly in front of her, “I just couldn’t.”

“What did Killian do to you? Did he hurt you? Because I swear to God, Pep, if he so much as lifted a finger—”

“He didn’t, Tony…not in _that_ way at least.” She looked at him pleadingly and reached to touch his hand. “Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

Tony nodded and he rose from the bed to head for the door, “I’ll get the guest room ready… Or if you want to sleep here, that’s fine, too. I’ll just use the other room.” She looked… crestfallen, so he tried to placate her instead. “All I’m saying is I’m here for you, and if you want me to keep my distance, I can do that too.”

“Can you just stay with me?” she whispered almost inaudibly, “Please?”

“Okay.” He moved towards the other side of the bed just as Pepper slid down from her sitting position to lay down beside him. He put an arm around her shoulders to pull her close while she rested an arm around his waist and tucked her head into the crook of his neck, breathing him in.

“I’m sorry, Tony…” She was apologizing for the last two months, for accepting Aldrich Killian’s proposal, for almost going through with the wedding. But the most painful part of it all was apologizing for the one thing Tony didn’t know, which she resolutely promised herself she would tell him about as soon as she could. “I’m sorry for everything…”

“It’s okay, Pep,” he buried his nose in her hair while he lightly stroke her arm. “There’s nothing you’ve ever done or ever could do that would stop me from loving you. I’ll always forgive you.”

When the tears started falling once more as Pepper tried to suppress the quiet sobs when she heard Tony’s words, she simply held out hope that someday, when the situation finally called for it, he really could forgive her once she had told him the truth.

\---- --- ----

Tony could not sleep that night, he was just lying there in bed, gently stroking Pepper’s arm while he waited for her crying to stop and for her breathing to even out. He glanced at the clock on his nightstand and was a bit surprised to note that it was only thirty minutes before midnight; it was certainly becoming one of the longest nights of his life.

He could not sleep for a number of reasons. For one, the day’s rollercoaster of emotions had left him more awake than exhausted, never mind the fact that the glass of scotch he had did not seem to do anything to dampen his alertness. Given everything that had happened since the concert fundraiser, his mind had automatically mapped out all possible scenarios and therefore had already come up with a list of things that he needed to attend to in the event of a fallout just like what they had now. So when he finally decided he could not stifle his energy, he checked to make sure that Pepper was sleeping soundly enough before he carefully extracted himself from her side. He softly padded downstairs and decided that he had at least four phone calls to make.

He thought he would work in his office but deemed the couch in the family room more comfortable, so he simply took his laptop and phone and settled in the family room. He fired up the computer and began scrolling though the local news, just to see what they had been reporting on Pepper’s supposed-to-be wedding. Basically, all there was to know was that the bride ran away from her own wedding, the groom was definitely furious, but the whereabouts of either parties were still unconfirmed and that neither had granted any interviews nor made any statements so far. Then for some reason, all the news channels and celebrity gossip sites had started reporting on the kiss he and Pepper had shared at the fundraiser the night before the wedding. Well, it wasn’t as if he was surprised to see that happen, he was so sure that Killian had paid off the press yet again to release the photos and run the story to not only play the victim card but to also lay the blame on him. The headlines range from _“Stark Industries CEO and Proprietor having an affair?”_ to _“Stark Industries CEO rekindles old affair with Tony Stark the night before her wedding,”_ to _“Tony Stark & Pepper Potts 2.0?”_ Well, he was no stranger to the tabloids, but Pepper, ever the consummate professional, would surely frown in distaste when she sees the news in the morning.

 _Well, she doesn’t need this added on her plate,_ he thought as he pulled out his phone to start making calls. Time to do some damage control, then.

The easiest way to do this, but definitely not the smartest, was to just pay off the press but that would make them look not only defensive but also guilty, and well, it’s not like they weren’t. You see, that was actually ironic, because in all the years that Tony had been philandering, he never imagined himself being the third party in some other person’s relationship, let alone Pepper’s. But, you know, he really could not do anything about it anymore and he figured the best way to deal with this was just to lay low for a while and let the storm pass. Then slowly, eventually, make that couple debut (he had not idea how to label his relationship with Pepper, but sure let's stick to _being a couple_ , sure) in an event or gala with the most affluent guest list. But first, phone calls, and he started with Happy.

“Boss?”

“Hap, sorry for calling at this hour, but have you seen the news?” He knew he could always count on Happy and the hour was almost ungodly, but well, these were urgent matters.

“About Pepper calling off the wedding? Yeah. Did you have a hand in that?”

Tony almost chuckled, he found it so amusing that he was Happy’s first and only suspect. “Well, believe it or not, no. She did that on her own. But listen, she’s staying at the house for now, so…”

“We’ll need to tighten the security. You got it, Boss. Don’t worry I’ll have my guys started on it tonight.”

“Thank you, Hap. Just secure the perimeter, there’s really not much threat, well, just the paparazzi and maybe Killian.”

“Yeah, what do we know about the guy?”

“Nothing much, yet,” Tony sighed because, really, he had nothing on Killian, and that would be the point of phone call number two. “But I’ll get back to you tomorrow. Also, you’ll have to drive Peter around whenever he steps out. I can’t have the kid walking the streets of New York especially now.”

“Of course, Boss. Anything else?”

“Hmm…” He really could not let Pepper go out of the house for now, could he? “Shopping run, Happy, for Pepper’s clothes. Can you do it at seven? Just say it’s for me, and the three B’s will open their doors even that early. I’ll text you her measurements.”

If he heard Happy chuckled at the fact that Tony Stark still knew Pepper Potts’ measurements by heart after all these years, he took no offense. He was actually proud of it, not to mention that he had a recent first-hand experience to prove that the measurements had never changed. Yes, he was shameless like that.

“Alright, Boss.”

“Thanks, Hap,” he grinned as he typed the measurements and sent them to Happy’s phone. Alright, time for call number two.

He had not called Phil Coulson, his own private investigator, for a long while now. There was just really no need for it in the last few years, personally that is, but Coulson had been taking care of SI’s affairs anyway. And so, he thought it might not be polite to call him at this hour, but he’s Tony Stark, people were used to him being, well, his usual self.

“Mr. Stark?”

“Coulson, it’s been a while.”

“What can I do for you, Mr. Stark?”

Phil Coulson had always been a straight-to-business person. Tony liked that about him: efficient, discreet, and pure business.

“Yeah, I need you to look up Killian. Aldrich Killian. I don’t know what we’re looking for, or if we’re looking for anything, but anything that could make him a threat? To Pepper Potts, to Peter, to SI.” He paused, but he added as an afterthought, “Also, find out where he is right now.”

“You got it. I’ll get back to you tomorrow. Good night, Mr. Stark.”

“Thank you, Coulson.” He thought that was quick, but then again, that was just how Coulson operated. He dialed Bambi Arbogast next.

“Mr. Stark? Good evening.”

“Yes, hello, Bambi. Sorry for calling you at this hour. I just need some details about Ms. Potts’ schedule in the next two to three weeks, maybe.”

“Alright, Mr. Stark, just a second.” He heard some rustling in the background then Bambi was on the other end of the line after only a couple of minutes. “Ms. Potts is on leave for the next two weeks, seeing that it was supposed to be her honeymoon. But she has a couple of meetings already scheduled three weeks from now, for when she gets back.”

“Alright, she’ll still be on leave for the next couple of weeks.” Tony briefly wondered if he should take the liberty of rescheduling Pepper’s meetings on the third week, but decided against it. He knew Pepper, she would have his head if he messed with her appointments. “Keep her meetings for the third week, I’ll ask her about it.”

“Noted, Mr. Stark. Um, Mr. Stark?” He heard Bambi hesitated but he patiently waited on the other line. “Is Ms. Potts okay? Is she with you?”

“Yes, Bambi. She’s at the house on 74th, so if there are any pressing matters, you can call us here.” In his haste to do some damage control, he had forgotten to call his own assistant. “Um, Bambi, can you tell my assistant that I’ll be out in the next two weeks as well? He can just forward the papers to my house if there’s nothing urgent, otherwise call the house as well.”

“Okay, Mr. Stark. And thank you, for taking care of Ms. Potts. At the risk of being too forward, I’d say you two have always been great together.”

Tony smiled in spite of himself, “I appreciate it, Bambi. Thank you.”

“Good bye, Mr. Stark.”

“Alright,” Tony muttered to himself, “Time to call Rhodey.” But before he could even press call, his best friend beat him to it with a message instead:

> _JR: I would’ve called but I can’t talk right now, still in Washington. Is Pepper with you?_  
>  _TS: Yes. I never thought you read those gossip rags._  
>  _JR: I don’t, but she called me earlier at the wedding. I’ll call you tomorrow._  
>  _TS: Why did she call YOU and NOT ME?!_  
>  _JR: I’m on duty, Tones. We’ll talk tomorrow._  
>  _TS: Why you?!_  
>  _JR: Just be happy she went to you, okay? We’ll talk tomorrow._  
>  _TS: Fine._

If it were not for the fact that it was past two in the morning and that he was finally exhausted, he would be petulant about it. But Rhodes was right, Pepper did come to him after all. So he let go of his issues, for now, and just as soon as he did, he dozed off in the couch in the family room. It had been a really long day after all.

\---- --- ----

_Los Angeles, CA. It was 10:55 in the evening and Pepper was driving south of Highland Avenue. She just came from a business function at Rodeo Drive and was just glad that the streets were at least deserted already and that the drive would only take about twenty minutes, thirty at the very most. Shortly thereafter, she noted a BMW also heading south on a high speed just as she passed Melrose Avenue. Everything happened so fast then – the other car collided with her and both cars careened off the roadway and struck a palm tree. The impact was so strong that the tree collapsed in the median and her car was upturned while the collision left car parts and debris scattered across Highland Avenue south to Clinton Street. The next thing she knew, she was trapped in the driver’s seat of a capsized vehicle, with her body aching all over while a long gash on her left arm was bleeding profusely. Her vision was becoming cloudy just as she was starting to feel dizzy…_

Pepper woke up with a start, sweating profusely and trying to catch her breath as she took in her surroundings. The dream was so vivid she almost felt like she woke up in Cedars-Sinai Medical Center again, just like she did some fifteen years ago. She took full, deep breaths trying to steady herself, absent-mindedly feeling for the scar on her left arm, while repeatedly muttering that she’s in New York, in Tony’s house, and that she was safe. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand and noted that it was only half past five in the morning and yet Tony had already left the bed. She stood up to go to the bathroom to splash cold water on her face, trying to repress the memories that were attempting to resurface.

 _Not now_ , she thought, _I need more time. We need more time._

She decided to go downstairs and get started on breakfast, that was the least she could do anyway considering Tony took her in (and he did it in a heartbeat), plus she needed something to preoccupy her mind with. The nightmare brought up unwanted memories, and as much as she was resolved to tell Tony about L.A., she couldn’t, at least not now. It was just that a lot of things had happened lately, never mind the fact that they would surely have a lot to deal with in the aftermath of her not-wedding. She didn’t intend to keep it from Tony, not anymore, but she needed time. And things seemed to be going well between them as well, couldn’t they at least enjoy the moment for now? Would that be asking for too much?

 _Sure, for as long as Aldrich would not beat you in telling Tony about it,_ her mind helpfully supplied.

She almost made it to the kitchen when she passed by Tony’s sleeping form sprawled on the family room’s couch. She noted his phone and his laptop on the coffee table and wondered what he could be working on all night, but she figured she would just have to ask him about it later. He was sleeping soundly, and knowing that he most likely did not doze off until a few hours earlier, she simply grabbed the blanket Peter must have left on the other sofa and draped it on him. She almost leaned in to kiss him on the temple, but decided against it. What were they, anyway, to each other? And before she could dwell on the thought, she quietly walked in the direction of the kitchen.

She had the coffeemaker started and was halfway through measuring the dry ingredients when she noted that Tony had gotten up and had gone straight to the kitchen while talking to someone over the phone. She gave him a small smile while he just raised an index finger at her and mouthed, “One moment,” while he poured himself a cup of coffee as he listened in his phone.

“So he’s in Dominica,” Tony furrowed his brows, unbelieving, “Are you sure? What would he be doing there? … Okay, thank you. Let me know if anything new comes up.” He ended the call then sent a message to Happy before settling on a stool by the breakfast bar:

> _TS: Killian is clean, as far as Coulson knows. He’s in Dominica. But secure the perimeter nonetheless._  
>  _HH: Sure thing, Boss. There are some paparazzi on the street when I went out, but my guys are on it._  
>  _TS: Thanks, Hap._

“Is everything alright?” Pepper asked, trying to study Tony’s mood.

“Yeah, that was my… uh, P.I., Coulson. Killian is apparently in Dominica, probably licking his wounds. Just thought you should know, if it helps you breathe.”

She only nodded and Pepper did breathe a sigh of relief knowing that she could at least buy herself some time before she would have to tell Tony about L.A., eventually.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Tony smiled at her but she just shook her head. She was glad, too, that he did not pursue the topic anymore, so she tried to change the subject instead.

“You didn’t come back to bed last night,” she remarked, albeit without a hint of accusation.

“Yeah, I got sidetracked. Sorry…” Pepper gave him a questioning look so he went on to tell her about the calls. “Well, I had to call Coulson, you know that already. I called Bambi for you, and my assistant as well, told them we’ll be out for the next couple of weeks, then—”

“We?” she interrupted him before she realized that she did, but… _They’re making plans together now?_ She felt... glad.

“Yeah, _we_. And sorry about that, I didn’t realize you’d miss me… in bed… last night…” Tony gave her that boyish grin he knew she could never quite resist. It was then followed by a very awkward silence and a prolonged moment of just staring at each other, so he nodded in the direction of the flour and the bowls she had been working on, “What have you got there?”

“Well, at this point it could still go either way.” She smiled as she looked at him, “Pancakes or waffles?”

And just like that, his mind brought him a few years back to that fateful morning when she innocently asked him the same thing like she did on any other morning, except that was the day he finally and completely broke her heart and thought he had lost her forever. _“I always thought that when I do have a kid it will be with you…”_ And right now, he wanted to hug her. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and apologize for breaking her heart every single day that he waltzed in with a random girl he had met all those nights ago. He wanted to kiss her senseless, to make up for the lost time, for the lost dreams, for the family that they could have built together…

“Tony?”

“Sorry?”

God, he did love her, and he had been a complete idiot back then.

“Pancakes or waffles?” She was looking at him curiously now, and a little bit concerned. “You zoned out for a while there, you okay?”

“Yeah,” he shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, “Waffles, I guess. The kid loves waffles.”

She nodded then proceeded to crack some eggs and mix the batter. He watched her work for a while until he remembered Happy’s news so he decided he might as well get her up to speed.

“Um, Pep… Happy and his guys did some recon, reporters and paparazzi are staking the area, so it might be best if you stay here for now, to lay low… If that’s okay with you.” He watched her pause for a while as she gave the matter some thought. “We tightened the security a bit, just in case…”

“Okay,” she quietly agreed then suddenly she remembered something, “I will have to go back to my apartment to get some clothes though.”

“No worries,” he assured her, “Happy’s already on a shopping run as we speak.”

“It’s seven in the morning, Tony.”

“Well,” he grinned rather smugly, “The three B’s are more than willing to accommodate.”

“Okay, thank you.” She went on to mix the batter to her satisfaction until another thought occurred to her. “I have to text Happy my size.”

“I already took care of that, too.” He saw her narrowed her eyes at him as he smirked at her and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “And I can assure you, those are correct and the clothes will fit you well.” Pepper was blushing, and he considered that a win.

“You think of everything, don’t you?” she said that in her most I’m-exasperated-with-Tony tone that he couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Well, Ms. Potts,” he said, giving her that signature Stark boys smolder coupled with that husky baritone for that one final blow, “I’m nothing if not thorough.” He winked at her, feeling smug and leaving her breathless.

Much to Pepper’s relief, they were interrupted by the sound of feet running down the stairs, then by one Peter Benjamin Stark excitedly stopping by the kitchen door and yelling before he even got there.

“Dad! Dad!!! DAD!!! You will never believe—” Peter stopped in his tracks, surprised. “Oh! Uh… Good morning, Ms. Potts.”

Pepper just smiled at the kid and she proceeded to preheat the waffle iron. Tony, on the other hand, was unshaken, because this was _not_ unusual.

“Where’s the fire, Pete?” Tony asked while he poured a glass of juice for the kid and motioned for him to join them at the breakfast bar.

“Well,” Peter began, taking a seat next to Tony’s, “I woke up because Ned was calling me and was adamant that I check the news. So, I was basically rushing to tell you that the wedding did not happen.” The boy looked at Pepper sheepishly but was eventually relieved to find her chuckling lightly. “But seeing that Ms. Potts is here anyway…” He smiled knowingly at his dad before taking a gulp of his orange juice. “Oh, and #TeamStark is trending.”

“Why?” Tony asked, well, just for the sake of asking, because he was pretty sure the kid would tell them anyway even without prodding.

“I might have asked Ned to—”

“Ned’s his best friend,” Tony interrupted when he saw Pepper’s questioning look.

“—upload your photos from the concert and start the hashtag.” Peter saw the look on the adults’ faces and felt the need to explain. “Because I can’t do it myself, I can’t tweet about it because… I’m your son.” He said this in that oh-isn’t-it-obvious tone all teenagers seemed to have picked up at one point or another. “Although, I really wanted to show you my support, you know.”

Tony had wanted to laugh, but he also took some pity on Pepper and wanted to spare her blushes. “Just put some waffles on his plate, Pep, and do it quickly. That’s the easiest way to shut him up.”

“So the news is everywhere, huh?” Pepper mused as she stacked Peter’s plate with waffles, cream, and some fruits. Then realization hit her and panic crossed her features which made Tony worry, “Oh my god, Tony!”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“The SI shares, Tony! They could be plummeting right now! Because of me!”

If he didn’t know Pepper, he would have laughed right there and then because of all the things she could be worrying about, she chose to panic over the stock market. But he knew there was no other way to get her to get over it, so he grabbed the TV remote sitting by the counter and flipped through the channels until he landed on a financial news report.

“Well,” Tony began, feeling kind of smug, “It seems that SI just soared 485 points, so you can calm down now.” He smirked at her just because he couldn’t help it, “And if the stock market price is any indication, I think it’s safe to say that people are actually rooting for me to be with you.”

“Don’t try to be cute, Tony,” she rolled her eyes at him just as he expected and both boys snickered. “The Board, though, I would have to call them at some point.”

“I’ll call them,” he offered, “It’s not like they’ll be mad. I mean, look at the shares.”

She nodded and seeing her so pacified, Tony could not help but feel that finally, somehow, things seemed to be falling into place. _This could work_ , he began to hope, _this could really work._ He watched as Pepper asked his son if the kid wanted more waffles and he could not help but think, what if? What if they could have figured things out a little bit sooner? What if they didn't have to spend the last fifteen years apart?

“Dad,” Peter said interrupting his thoughts, “Ms. Potts makes way better waffles than you. Can we keep her?”

“Well,” he looked softly at Pepper this time, willing her to meet his gaze, “Why not? If she’ll have me.”

She smiled at him, and he thought he could stay in that moment forever. But his phone started buzzing and he looked at it to see Rhodes calling so he excused himself instead, leaving the two most important people in his life bonding over waffles and cream.

\---- --- ----

“Tones? How is she?”

“She’s fine, and before you ask anything else let me update you on what’s going on. I called Coulson to look up Killian and the bastard’s in Dominica, for some reason. Still, I had Happy beefed up the house’s security detail. She’ll be staying here as I’m sure the press will hound her.” He paused for a moment, giving Rhodes some time to take it all in. “By the way, why would she call _you_ and _not me_?” He sounded irritated, because well, he was.

“Look,” Rhodes sounded out of breath from the other end of the line. Was he running? “At the end of the day, she went to you, okay? Just be happy she did, that’s all that matters.”

“Why would she call _you_ and _not me?_ ” He had no plans to let it go, not because of ego but because it was a bit unusual. “What happened?” There was a pause from Rhodes' end. Why was there a pause?

“She called me from the wedding, okay? Said she couldn’t go through with it, so I told her that if her heart’s not in it, then don’t. Um, you’re welcome I guess?”

“Really?” Tony sounded incredulous because, well, this was just absurd. “Don’t bullshit me, Rhodey. That’s all it took? I’ve been badgering her not to get married and that was all you did? Come on!”

“So you two are okay, right now?”

“We’re actually…” Tony glanced back at the kitchen to see Peter chatting with Pepper. God, he never thought the day would come when he would see this sight in his kitchen. “We’re actually okay. Better than okay.”

“Alright, I have to go, man. Just please, be there for her, okay? And Tones, no matter what happens, just remember that you love her. Alright?”

Something was bothering Tony but he just couldn’t put a finger on it. Did Pepper say anything to Rhodes that his best friend could not talk to him about? But one more glance at Pepper and his son and he chose to let his doubts go, for now. After all, things had been smooth so far, and how often did this happen to him anyway? Never. So yes, he let the thought go.

“Alright, then. Thank you, Rhodey.”

\---- --- ----

“These are really good, Ms. Potts,” Peter said in between bites of the waffles that Pepper had prepared for them that morning. Tony was not kidding when he told her that the kid could eat a horse and still manage to have that built that’s somewhere between lanky and athletic.

She watched him devour his food as he told her about school, about his best friend, about his MIT plans. She had always found the kid endearing, and that was saying something given the history his mother shared with her and Tony. She couldn’t hate the kid, she never did; it was just impossible to do so, even if he somehow _tricked_ her into joining them for Thanksgiving just because he knew his father wanted to see her. Plus, he looked so much like Tony, her Tony – the charming boy she met when she was fifteen who pursued her relentlessly no matter how many times she told him no, the same boy who tried to impress her one Friday evening by taking her to the steps of the Met just to give her some chocolate-covered fruits and that was when he learned about her strawberry allergy, the same boy who introduced her to his parents as his girlfriend even if she had not given him an answer yet, _“Because I knew you loved me anyway,”_ he had told her. She was lost deep in her thoughts, that she did not hear Peter asked her something.

“Ms. Potts?”

“Sorry,” she smiled at the kid. “You were saying?”

“You were staring. Not that it’s bad,” the kid began to stutter and she noticed that it happened whenever he was feeling flustered. “It’s just, what’s on your mind? Everything okay?”

“I was just thinking about the first time I saw you at SI.” She raised a hand to swipe the brown curls that had fallen near the kid’s eyes. “You reminded me of Tony even then. I was so convinced you’re his kid until I saw your SI badge.”

“So I really do look like Dad,” he muttered, more to himself actually than to Pepper.

“You do, a lot.” She smiled at him. “You have the same mop of brown wavy hair, the same set of puppy brown eyes, the same jawline…” Her mind began to wander and Peter could actually see the distant look in her eyes, “And sometimes I can’t help but wonder if…” She caught herself before she could have said anything more and she tried to take deep calming breaths. She raised a hand to cup his face, gently rubbing his cheek with her thumb, “You do look a lot like your dad, and I’m so glad he has you.”

Peter smiled at her and when the kid did, she could not help but ask, she needed to give herself this chance.

“Peter, would you mind if I hug you?”

“Not at all,” Peter beamed at her as she wrapped her arms around the boy, basking in that feeling she never thought she would have, not in a million years – that is, having Tony’s kid safely in her arms.

“Thank you,” she whispered to Peter as she gave the kid a kiss on his temple.

“So, should I be jealous now or what?” Tony asked while he stood in the kitchen doorway watching the two embrace.

“How long have you been standing there?” Peter whined as he untangled from Pepper’s embrace.

He couldn’t help but laugh, but his heart was so full he thought he might actually cry. “Since about the part where I’m apparently lucky to have you.”

“And you’re welcome, Dad,” the boy quipped back. “I’m going upstairs to take a shower. Also I probably should call Ned, tell him about you guys. He’d be so happy, he already thought of your ship name: Pepperony.”

Tony did not understand whatever ship the kid was referring to so he just nodded and waved him off before Peter could embarrass him any further. When the kid left, he stood there by the doorway watching Pepper as she retrieved a couple of plates from the cabinets and looked at him expectantly, “Waffles? I just made a new batch for us.”

He nodded and joined her back at the breakfast bar.

 _This could work_ , _this could really work._

\---- --- ----

Four days had passed since the supposed-to-be wedding and everything had been smooth sailing so far. There was no news about Killian and so Tony thought he must be really licking his wounds in Dominica after all; besides Coulson did not turn up with any new information that could pose as a threat to any of them anyway. The press and the paparazzi were slowly giving up on having a stake out along 74th street, although the interest on the new alleged power couple of Manhattan had yet to wind down. So basically, the security had remained the same and they had been cooped up in the mansion since but nobody was complaining.

For some reason, they had established some form of routine at the house. Pepper and Tony would be up usually around eight in the morning and they’d prepare breakfast, or more accurately, Pepper would and Tony would just watch her like a teenager in love. Peter would join them after an hour and they’d decide on how to go about their day. They spent the first day with Pepper going through Peter’s baby photos and Peter asking her stories about Tony when he was young. The next day was spent on board games and Tony had been a sore loser at Monopoly: _“What part of ‘I own Stark Industries’ is so hard to understand? I should be so good at this game,”_ while the third day was spent on a Star Wars marathon at the kid’s insistence. They would usually order take out for lunch, but Pepper had made it a point to always make dinner healthier for the boys – read: no pizza allowed. At the end of the day, as soon as Peter had gone to bed, the two adults would talk over a glass of wine about anything, anything except her former fiancé or his late wife. They had been sharing a room, sharing a bed, but Tony did not _try_ to do _anything_ since after the night of the concert. He thought, it just did not feel right at the moment. Besides, unlike some twenty years ago, he wanted Pepper to set the pace, this time.

So on the fourth day, Tony found Pepper leaning by the open balcony French doors, gazing at the quiet New York traffic, in the exact same spot he found her after Thanksgiving Dinner just a little less than three months ago. He took his spot against the railing of the carved stone balcony.

“Are you okay? Cabin fever?” He tried to study her features but she seemed okay.

She smiled at him instead, carefully meeting his gaze, “Tell me something, Tony.”

“What?”

“Something you shouldn’t.”

She was looking at him intently, and for a minute there, he remembered how she had the same look in her eyes the night of Thanksgiving, the same blue eyes that were begging him to say that he had never felt more alive until she came back into his life. He didn’t say it back then, but this time he vowed it would be different. He held her gaze, making sure she knew that he meant every word he was about to say.

“I never wanted to weigh in about your relationship with Killian, I was afraid of what I might have to say.”

“Which was?” She reached out her hands to him, and he walked towards her and took her hands in his, his eyes never leaving hers.

“I let you go on your wedding day because I wasn’t sure I could give you what you needed,” he paused to collect his thoughts because the memory still pained him somehow. “I wasn’t even sure what I needed, and I have regretted it every minute since.” He put her hands on his chest and raised a hand to wipe at the tears that had started streaming on her face, while he placed his other hand on the small of her back, pulling her to him.

“Pep, I want you to be happy, however that’s achieved. That’s why I haven’t tried _anything_ … at least except the night of the concert and that night was amazing and fantastic and one for the books…” Pepper giggled through the tears and that was the sweetest sound he had heard in quite a while. “But I digress… I’m waiting for you this time. Six months? Six years? Say it and I’m yours.”

“Tony…” and so without wasting another breath she kissed him, and he kissed her back like his life depended on it, because it did, he knew that it did.

He groaned when she ran her fingers through his hair, and he realized that the need he had for her was insane, so much so that it terrified him. He pulled back slightly, locking her gaze in his as he cupped her cheek and pulled her lips back to his. She whimpered when he nibbled at her bottom lip and he took her mouth in his again and again, leisurely, thoroughly. He pulled back when they finally ran out of air only to lean his forehead against hers.

“I love you,” he whispered in between ragged breaths.

“I love you, too.” She leaned back to place her arms around his neck, just as he wrapped his arms around her waist. “Come away with me, Tony. Let’s take that trip we didn’t take on New Year’s Eve. Figure things out. I don’t want to wait six months, or six years.”

“Who are you and what have you done to Pepper Potts?” He smirked at her, and of course, she rolled her eyes at him.

“I don’t want to wait at all. Let’s go. Tonight?”

Tony nodded, and he could not help but press a chaste kiss against her lips.

“We’re going to be okay this time, Pep.” It was a promise.

“I know we will.” She looked at him and she was grinning this time. It was also probably the happiest he had seen her in a long while. “So, bed and breakfast? Connecticut? Cornwall?”

“Anywhere you want.” He narrowed his eyes as an idea clicked in his brain, “Let’s take the train from Grand Central Station? Give the press something to talk about while we’re away?”

“Only you would’ve thought of that PR nightmare.”

“What? They like us together anyway.”

He would have wanted them to stay that way for a few more minutes, but Bambi was calling his phone. He lifted it to his ear just as he answered it. “Yes? ... I’m actually leaving today… No, if it says urgent, don’t forward it here. I’ll swing by SI on my way out. Leave it in my office… Yes, thank you, Bambi.”

“What was that? Why is Bambi calling you?” Pepper frowned not wanting for anything to put a hamper on their plans.

“My assistant called in sick, and apparently there are some papers that needed signing and there are urgent files that I need to look at.” He suddenly had an idea, and since Pepper looked like she really needed to get out anyway, he thought he could let go for a while. “Tell you what, you take Happy to drive you to your apartment, pack your suitcase from there, and I’ll meet you in Grand Central Station.”

“Tony…”

“Come on,” he coaxed her trying to lighten the mood, “I know you have a better assortment of lingerie in your closet anyway.” He smiled at her suggestively, “Pack something I would like.”

She untangled from his embrace as she walked away grinning but shaking her head, “You’re incorrigible, Tony. Six in the evening, and don’t be late.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it!”

\---- --- ----

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay here?” Tony asked Peter for the eighth time this time.

“Dad, come on. This is it. It’s finally happening,” Peter assured him as the boy watched him pack his suitcase. “Plus, Uncle Rhodey will be back tomorrow, and Uncle Happy and his security team are around. No worries, Dad.”

“I’m not being a selfish father, am I?” he asked, because well, Tony was actually worried.

“Nope,” Peter told him, walking towards the safe in his room. The boy took out his grandmother’s ring and handed it to his father instead. “Aren’t you supposed to bring this?”

Tony sighed deeply because he had actually thought about it, and he didn’t want to pressure Pepper into anything; it’s just that a lot had happened lately. “Put it back, I don’t think it’s the right time, kid. I’m just going by Pepper’s pace here. Eventually, though.”

He heard the boy mutter a soft “Okay,” while the ring was replaced back in his safe. They went downstairs and Peter went to see him off.

“This is going to be a good thing, Dad.”

“Thank you, Pete. For being so supportive.” Boy, wasn’t he lucky to have this kid?

“Go, Dad. You still have to drop by SI, you should be going, you can’t be late.”

\---- --- ----

Virginia Potts was standing in the middle of Grand Central Station, her suitcase in front of her, waiting for one Anthony Edward Stark to arrive. She frowned when she glanced at her watch and noted that Tony was fifteen minutes late already. She shrugged it off, because honestly, fifteen minutes? It was not entirely out of character, and of course, this was still early by his standards.

So when she finally saw him approaching, she could not help but smile. She gazed at him, counting the seconds before he could reach her and she could be in his arms. Again.

Her smile, however, was short-lived when she got a clearer look of his face now that he was nearer. She saw a shadow passed over his face, his jaw clenching, while he kept his hands in his pockets.

“Tony, is everything okay? Was something wrong at SI?” she asked once he was standing in front of her, and that was when she noticed that he didn’t have his suitcase with him. She felt a lump formed in her throat… and she knew… at the back of her mind, she knew… Could it be? _"There are urgent files that I need to look at..."_ She knew... she was about to lose him.

“Tony, where are your bags?”

Tony looked at her and honestly in that moment he had no idea how many more times his heart could break for the same woman. He had never known anguish more painful than what he felt now and this was even worse than the car crash that killed his own parents. He wanted to scream in agony as the pain seared through his heart, his damaged… damaged heart. She was his home, his safe haven and yet… No one had hurt him more than she ever did.

“Pepper, just tell me one thing…”

He was openly crying and people were looking but he did not care, not anymore. Not when everything he had believed about their relationship just came crumbling down. Not when he found out that the one woman he fought so hard for gave up on them fifteen years ago. Not when everything, everything that happened in the last three months seemingly did not matter… to her... at all.

He felt hollow... empty. There was nothing left… for him… for her… for them…

“Was it a boy or a girl?”

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🎧 Breakdown by Deerheart
> 
> Here comes the heartbreak to end all other heartbreaks.
> 
> Please, please. Let me know what you think of this chapter. It was a long read (~8k words) but I hope it was worth it. I highly appreciate the screaming, and the feedback. So please, keep them coming.


	11. The Other Firstborn Stark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “… But you heard a heartbeat. And you fell in love in that heartbeat.” —Jen Harding, Dead to Me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING:** Please note there was mention of a pregnancy loss, although not described in detail. Also, I think Tony just lost it, he saw red and he didn’t know what to do. So he acted on it the only way he know how. I'm not condoning his actions, but this is Tony, I wouldn't be surprised if he's capable of this.

**15 years ago, mid-July, 2:15 AM, Long Island, NY:**

Tony was sitting in his study at the Long Island home he had recently purchased, nursing what would be his fourth glass of scotch. The clock on the wall already read a few minutes past two in the morning, and yet sleep had been so elusive – just like the many other nights he had since Pepper moved to Los Angeles. It had been almost five months and he had not heard from her since – she never called, she never visited, she changed phone numbers, and she never even left him an address. Many times, he had been tempted to get his private investigator to look her up, but he dismissed the thought almost as soon as it would occur to him because clearly, she did not want to be found. The past five months had been, by all appearances, proof that she wanted to stay out of his life, and maybe it was about time that he accepted that fact.

He was missing her, because while he was really trying to make things work with the mother of his unborn child, it had never been the same when he was with Pepper. She was his first great love, she always would be, and he had been trying his best not to play the memories he had of her again and again in his head. He was missing her and if his heart would have a say on the matter like what was going on, he could never escape her. The memories were just too much, so much so that he needed to move to a new house to start this new life he had chosen. He never wanted her gone and had he been selfish he would have asked her to stay and to try to love and raise another woman’s child, but that would be asking for too much. That and the fact that the scariest thing about the idea was that she would surely do it for him, in a heartbeat, without question, should he ask. She was fiercely loyal and he knew she loved him that much, but he could not do that to her. She deserved better.

A soft knock on the door interrupted his thoughts when his very pregnant wife, only about three weeks away from term, stepped in the room with a resigned look on her face. Perhaps in another lifetime or to a different man, Mary Parker would have been a catch. She was beautiful in her own way, affectionate even, patient. But in the five months that they had been married, the only thought that would cross his mind whenever he saw her would be, _“Why couldn’t you be Pepper?”_ He knew he was being unfair and while he had promised himself to do his very best for his unborn son, he just could not let the thing go. Five months in and it was becoming harder for him to cling to his own idea that marrying the mother of his child was a step in the proper direction. Of course, he had doubts... but he had to at least try, and he did not know it then but he would be doing just that in the next three to four years.

“I know you never do it but I’ll ask you anyway,” Mary said, eyeing the half-empty bottle of scotch on his table, “Are you ever going to bed?”

He looked at her and all he could really think about at the moment was that he had to make this work, because the baby would be coming in a few weeks and he had to try harder for the kid… for his kid. He watched as she approached the table, wondering what she could possibly want at this hour.

“Aren’t you going to get that?” Mary asked referring to his phone that he had not noticed was buzzing for the past couple of minutes. She picked it up to glance at the number before facing the screen towards him, “It’s unregistered, 3-1-0. Los Angeles?”

He shook his head, not really wanting to meet her gaze. “No, I don’t know anyone from L.A.”

_Not anymore._

“Okay, then,” she left the phone buzzing anyway as she placed it back on the table. “I’m going back to bed.” She closed the door without even looking back at him.

He stared at the phone as it buzzed for about three more times but he kept ignoring it. He knew it could be Pepper because who else would be calling him from L.A., but he also knew that he had to let go – for Pepper’s sake, for his son’s sake. So he sat there, pouring himself another glass as he resolutely promised that this would be it – this would be the last night that he would allow himself to mourn for the love he had lost, for the woman he took for granted, and for the future they could have built together. He drank himself to oblivion then eventually fell asleep hunched over the table, and it would not be until the next morning when he would see the calls he had missed.

> _310-602-3277: Missed Call (5)._  
>  _James Rhodes: Missed Call (4)._

* * *

**Present day, four days after the wedding, 5:10 PM:**

The memory came unbidden to Tony as he defeatedly sank in the couch in his office at the Stark Industries headquarters, his knees weakly giving way while he clutched the dossier in his hands.

He had stopped by in his office on his way to Grand Central Station after Bambi had called to inform him that there were papers that he needed to sign and files that arrived for him that day. He had thought everything would go without a hitch after he had signed about three contracts, but that was when he saw the unassuming manila envelope addressed to him labeled “URGENT” and without a return address. Little did he know that file would change his life forever.

So he opened it and was initially surprised to find that it was a dossier about Pepper. Concerned, with his mind quickly working overtime because his first thought was that this could have had something to do with Killian and he was worried for her safety, he riffled through the files just to check everything. It had her birth certificate, university records, personal company files, photos from her modelling days, medical records – nothing really that he did not know about (yes, because he was _there_ the day she did the shoot for Mapplethorpe). He was going through her old photos when a smaller envelope fell from the pile of papers and as soon as he saw its contents, that was when he thought his heart would actually give out.

First there were newspaper clippings of a car crash along Highland Avenue in L.A. with two reported fatalities, a 29 year-old male and a 27 year-old male who were both in the black BMW which was reportedly driving at a high speed; both passengers died on impact and their results later came out positive for substance abuse and alcohol intoxication. The other vehicle reportedly upturned after hitting a palm tree, leaving its driver, a 23 year-old pregnant woman, severely injured. The victim was reportedly rushed to the nearest hospital and the news report ended there, without mention of her or her child’s conditions following medical assessment.

With shaky hands and his heart loudly thumping he thought his chest would explode, he saw the LAPD report detailing the same findings, only this time, identifying the victim as Virginia Potts, 23, former model and a corporate executive at Roxxon Energy Corporation. He did not know how he managed it or where he found the courage to do so, but he flipped through the emergency responders' reports and hospitalization records and he saw that she was treated for severe physical injuries including a forearm fracture and that she underwent vascular surgery (radial artery re-anastomosis on her left arm) and multiple blood transfusions. This was not even counting the multiple wound stitches they had to do to close the long gash on her left arm and... the spontaneous delivery of a preterm, stillborn infant. No fetal death certificate was included in the dossier, but the medical abstract stated that she was about 30 weeks at the time and that the cause of fetal demise was placenta abruptio secondary to trauma.

He glanced at the dates on the reports and he quickly did the math, and if his math was right – and it always was – Pepper would have been nine to ten weeks pregnant when she left New York, which could only mean that…

That was when he felt his knees buckled and he found himself helplessly sinking in his office couch while clutching the files in his trembling hands. He could not breathe, he wanted to scream, but all he could manage at the time were the muffled tears as quiet sobs tried to escape his lips. The baby was his… Of course, the baby was his…

_And she didn’t tell me…_

He sat there for a while stunned, too shocked to even think of any other reaction besides grief, grief over the loss of a child he did not even know he had. He glanced at the hospital records once more, trying to make sense of everything, when he saw the signatures which provided the consent for the medical procedures: James Rupert Rhodes. That was when the memory came to him, unbidden.

_“Aren’t you going to get that? It’s 3-1-0. Los Angeles?”_

It was almost as if he could hear Mary’s voice once more, asking him if he had plans to take the call. Of course he would be Pepper’s emergency contact and when he did not pick up, the hospital tried the next one, which was Rhodes. He could not, for the life of him, recall if he even returned Rhodey’s call the following morning. He knew Pepper did not have any relatives left that was why he and Rhodes had medical powers of attorney. _“You’re all I have, you know,”_ she had told him more than once. He really was all she had left.

_And I failed her… Oh God, I failed her when she needed me the most…_

He felt so miserable he almost thought his heart could not handle it any further. He did not know that so much grief could come from mourning a child he did not even know he had, he felt like kicking himself for letting Pepper down in so many ways than one, he felt his heart breaking over the fact that Pepper had kept this from him for fifteen years, that she did not even tell him about the baby before she left New York.

_Did she know she was having my child then? She knew from the very start that I was not fit to be a father… and she took that choice away from me…_

“Mr. Stark?” Bambi was standing by his office’s doorway, her own bags in hand and ready to go. “I thought you already left the building.”

He was sitting on the couch, head in his hands and elbows on his knees, with the dossier lying on the coffee table in front of him. He wiped his face with his hands and ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath before addressing Bambi.

“Bambi, can you ask my driver to bring the car around?” His voice was cracking but Bambi thankfully chose not to notice. “Then send him home, I’ll drive myself.”

As soon as Bambi had left, he slowly gathered the files and replaced it back in the manila envelope and tucked it in his coat pocket. He would have to talk to Pepper.

_She better tell me everything, this time._

_\---- --- ----_

**Grand Central Station, 6:15 PM:**

“Pepper, just tell me one thing… Was it a boy or a girl?”

Her eyes were red, if it was from grief, or shock that he found out, or from the pain brought about by resurfacing old wounds, he had no idea anymore. She simply stood there, shaking her head as he tried to get a read on her.

_Was that denial? Pain? Hatred?_

“Tony, don’t…”

“You kept this from me for fifteen years…” There was bitterness in his voice and he regretted the way he sounded. He noted she cocked her head a little to one side, and because he knew her so well, he knew she would not budge, that she would stand her ground until one of them eventually gave in. “You’re not even going to answer me, are you?”

“Tony…”

“Get in the car.” He grabbed her suitcase then turned around quietly and he walked back in the direction he came from, with Pepper at his heels. He loaded her bags in the trunk of his car then opened the passenger door and waited for her to get in.

“Where are we going?” She was standing by the car and she sounded scared. It bothered him a little, but the anguish was just too much he figured he could worry about that later.

“Get in the car, Pepper.” He knew he sounded cold, calculating, but he couldn’t help it. There was just too much going on in his head right now he needed to compartmentalize at one point. _Later,_ he thought.

Reluctantly, she stepped inside the car and he closed her door before hurrying to the driver’s seat. He figured the drive would take at least two hours, just a few minutes shorter if he kept the speed he was at, but he didn't mind - he needed the long drive anyway. Because right now he felt so powerless about everything that had happened in his life in the last fifteen years, and he needed to feel like he had some control over the situation, even if it was as mundane as driving on a freeway. He got on FDR, then he took I-87 before continuing to NY-22 when he heard Pepper break the silence.

“Tony... slow down. Drive carefully.”

He did not budge and he was almost tempted to hit the gas if only to prove a point, whatever that point was.

“Tony, you’re driving 20 above the speed limit, slow down, please.”

She sounded scared and he felt so bad about it, but right now he just couldn’t think straight. So he ignored her, because that was the easiest thing he could do.

“What part of ‘your parents died in a car crash’ don’t you understand? Please… Just slow down…”

She was pleading. _Was she crying?_ He thought he heard some muffled sobs. He just wasn't sure, he couldn't hear her over the blood gushing in his ears.

“Tony, I lost our baby in a car crash… Please stop...”

That did it for him. He hit the brakes hard and the car screeched to a stop on the freeway shoulder. He hit his head against the headrest out of frustration while he covered his face with his hands. He could not look at her, he could not think straight, he wanted to cry but he felt so completely hollow. He hit his fists against the steering wheel, because he wanted to hit something, anything.

“So the baby’s mine…” He never doubted it, he knew the baby was his, and if he was doing it because he was angry and he wanted to get even or because he wanted to get a rise out of her, he couldn't tell.

“How could you…” she whispered, and he noted the hurt in her voice over his unfounded accusation.

He looked at her for the very first time since they got in the car and he was not prepared to see her so scared… so scared of what had happened in L.A.… so scared of what he was doing… so scared of him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, not meeting her gaze. “You ought to know... I didn’t mean that.”

They sat in silence for a few more minutes before he restarted the car and drove back carefully to the freeway. For the rest of the drive, he did not mention a word and neither did she, but perhaps it was better that way, at least for now.

\---- --- ----

After less than two hours of driving, he pulled over in front of a small cottage situated over four acres of woods with a nearby babbling brook and the Housatonic River only a five-minute walk from the cottage through the property woods.

Tony stepped out of the car and went to unload their bags from the trunk, not stopping until he reached the front porch. He unlocked the doors and stood by the doorway waiting for Pepper to step inside before he did. He locked the doors behind him and moved about the place, switching on some lights as he went from one room to another.

The place was secluded and small, with the interior having a single bedroom, a bathroom, a living room with a fireplace, and a kitchen with an eat-in cove. The place was charming in spite of the light snowfall, although it would probably look more beautiful under the summer sun or during fall – or maybe, just under different circumstances.

Pepper found Tony in the bedroom busily changing the sheets of a king-size bed, the pillows and blankets stashed over the couch on one side of the room while their suitcases were parked near the bathroom door on the other end. She briefly considered helping Tony out but she realized that this manic behavior, the intense drive to keep his hands and mind preoccupied, was his own way of dealing with the situation. So she simply stood by the doorway and watched him work until she could take the quiet no more.

“Tony, what is this place?”

“You wanted Cornwall? So here’s Cornwall.” It was a clipped reply and clearly he was still angry. He kept his back to her as he went to retrieve a few pillows from the couch and fluffed them way more than necessary before setting them on the bed. “This was Dad’s hideout. He used to go here whenever he wanted to lay low for a while.”

“So why did you bring me here? Because I booked a bed and breakfast for us—”

“I brought you here because there’s _nothing_ here.” He brought a few blankets and towels to the bed while purposely leaving some on the couch. “There’s water and electricity and phone reception, but otherwise there’s no cable, there’s nothing to distract you, it’s snowing outside, and the nearest neighbor is about four miles away.”

She watched as he opened his suitcase to retrieve a pair of sweatpants, an old shirt, and some toiletries. He grabbed the towel from the couch and headed for the bathroom but she stepped in his way before he could make it to the door.

“Is this your own twisted idea of personal purgatory?” she protested, trying her very best not to meet his anger head on.

“Yes,” he looked her in the eye with steely resolve. “And until you tell me everything I _need_ to know, we’re not leaving this place.” He sidestepped her and locked himself in the bathroom before she could protest any further.

“This is kidnapping, Tony!”

“You and I both know you came here willingly!”

Pepper sighed defeatedly as she opened her phone to check for any messages. She felt tempted to call Bambi to ask what exactly happened at SI but seeing how angry Tony had been, she knew he must have read her file. _Aldrich_ , she thought bitterly. She had planned on telling Tony, but now that he knew, she could only guess the thoughts that must be going through his head right now. She saw how broken he looked back at the station and the mere memory of the anguish on his face broke her heart, never mind the fact that her own personal heartaches were resurfacing and reopening wounds that had not exactly healed. She wanted to cry right there and then, remembering the child she had held only once and how she had wanted Tony to hold her through the entire ordeal.

 _It did not happen then, and clearly he won’t hold you right now either_ , she thought miserably _._ So she wiped at her tears instead and decided to empty her suitcase and stash her clothes in the closet. She changed into camisole and yoga pants before climbing into bed, deciding she would give Tony some time to cool his head before she actually talk to him.

Another ten minutes had passed before Tony stepped out of the bathroom and headed straight for the couch on the other side of the room. He fluffed the pillows he had left there before finally lying on the couch to find a comfortable position to sleep in.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Tony. Get in the bed.” She propped herself up on her elbow only to see him turn his back to her. “Your back will kill you in the morning.” She stared at his unmoving figure for a few minutes, but when it was clear that he would not leave the couch, she decided to lie down, fixing her gaze at the ceiling instead. “I’m sorry, Tony, I really am…” she whispered trying to stifle the sobs.

“Pep, you made a mistake not telling me about the child…” Tony said softly, all traces of his anger from the whole night gone now. “You moved away and you didn’t tell me. Did you know you were pregnant before you left?”

“Ten weeks…”

_That’s what I thought._

He tried to think back to the day she told him she was leaving. He had always assumed that the move to Los Angeles had been her option as soon as he told her about Mary, and that she finally decided to move away when he told her he intended to get married. He was heartbroken that she was leaving, but at the same time he also felt relieved, because he had always wanted the best for her. She deserved better, and if it took leaving him just for her to see that truth, he didn’t mind giving her a little push. But now that he thought about it… what if she never intended to leave? What if she met him that day to tell him about the baby? What if she just came up with the L.A. idea when he told her about his own plans?

“You should have told me…” He waited for her to answer but when she didn’t, he pressed on. “Especially when you knew that all I ever wanted then was to have a kid with you.” He swallowed the lump forming in his throat to ask the one question that had been bugging him all night, and he knew he had to ask before he changed his mind. “Was it because you thought I was not fit to be a father?”

“That was never the reason why, Tony…” she whispered in between sobs, and he wanted to reach out and hold her, comfort her to make up for all the times that she needed him when he wasn’t there, but he couldn’t. Not yet, not now... not when he still needed time to process everything.

“Then why?” He did not even know if he was crying out of pain, grief, or betrayal. Everything just felt so raw, almost as if somebody put his heart through a wringer. “Because I didn’t plan on having a child, you know that. Instead, I had Peter, and I was there to take him to school every morning and talk about his days at night. And if someone came to me and said I could trade that for the life I thought I wanted when I was 27, I wouldn’t. I didn’t know it then, but apparently being a father is who I am. You took that away from me… when you didn’t tell me about the baby.”

“You’ve been a good father to Peter, Tony…”

“I didn’t know that I would be, nobody thought that I _could_ be. But you know what, Pep?” He got up and stood from the couch, looking at anything but her, “Mary gave me the chance to try. You didn’t, when you decided to leave.”

He walked out of the room and left Pepper to deal with her own misery.

\---- --- ----

The following morning, Tony woke up on the living room sofa to the smell of toasted bread, bacon, and eggs. He realized Pepper was probably busy in the kitchen and he was torn if he wanted to corner her or if he wanted to avoid her – it had been very hard to distinguish between the two options recently. Ultimately, he knew he needed the coffee so he got up from the couch and tried to brace himself for another round, another day, of this ongoing fight with her.

She saw him walked in but she kept her distance and preoccupied herself instead by retrieving plates from the cabinets above the sink. “Your caretakers arrived, they brought the supplies,” she informed him purposely avoiding his gaze as she set the plates on the table, while he poured himself some coffee. He was about to leave with his cup when he saw her standing by the doorway, arms crossed and visibly upset. “Where are you going?”

“Unless you want to start telling me about L.A., I’m stepping out to the porch.” He glanced at the clock beside the fridge. _It’s eight in the morning, definitely way too early for a fight._

“It’s snowing out there, Tony, and I cooked us some breakfast. You should eat, you haven't—”

“Stop trying to play the wife!” The words were out of his mouth before he even realized it. He didn’t mean to sound so contemptuous, but judging from Pepper’s reaction, he knew exactly how he sounded.

“How can you make it sound like it’s the ugliest word in the world?” Pepper didn’t even raise her voice, she simply sounded resigned, resigned to the fact that he was most likely prepared to hate her from this point forward. “You hate me that much?”

He knew he was hurting her, but his brain kept justifying that he himself was hurting, too. One moment, he wanted to hold her and assure her that they would get past this, but the next thing he knew, he wanted to just throw the dossier at her and blame her for not telling him about the child that he did not even get to hold at least once.

They stood there glaring at each other, breakfast completely forgotten, when Pepper’s phone started ringing. She moved near the sink to get it but he saw her hesitation about answering the call.

“Who’s that?”

“It’s only Jim. He probably just wanted to check on us…” She paused, trying to tread carefully. “He knew I’ve been meaning to tell you… soon… at some point.”

“Oh, Rhodes. The _not father_ who knew about _my_ child.” He knew that Rhodes most likely learned about the situation not by choice, that Rhodes knew about the child because he had missed the hospital’s calls. Still, he was furious. “Do you realize I had to say _‘my child’_ because I still don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl? Do you want me to spend the next two weeks knocking on the door of every administrator of that hospital just to know?”

“You don’t have to do that, Tony…” Pepper tried to placate him, “I’m going to tell you about him, I was just trying to—”

“So, it’s a boy…” Fresh tears were threatening to fall, but he did not fight them anymore. He was tired, he was hurting, he just wanted this to be over. “That’s something, I guess…” A beat passed before he realized her phone was still ringing. “Answer it… _here_.”

Pepper simply shook her head as she lifted the phone to her ear, her gaze not leaving Tony’s and biting her lip as she tried to suppress the sobs from escaping her lips. “Jim, hello… Yes, we got in Cornwall safely… Don’t worry… Say hi to Peter for us… I'm sorry but I have to go... Yes, thank you.”

Tony had retreated to the living room after she ended the call, leaving her sitting alone in the kitchen’s eat-in cove. If he had heard her crying, he made no indication that he noticed or that he cared.

\---- --- ----

Pepper had spent the rest of the day crying in the kitchen while Tony had been brooding at the living room. Lunch had come and gone but he had not moved from his place at the sofa, except to stop by the kitchen once in a while to refill his coffee (and purposely ignored her while he was at it), which was basically the only food intake he had since they left New York. So by dinner time, Pepper had decided she had had enough – of Tony’s brooding, of his lack of appetite, of her incessant crying. She busied herself in the kitchen preparing dinner, and then she strolled towards the living room determined to at least have Tony eat something.

She saw him sitting on the floor with his back against the couch, a glass of scotch in hand while the contents of the dossier Aldrich had shown her were scattered on the coffee table. She honestly did not know why he was going through all of the files once more, but she knew better not to ask why.

“Where did you get that?” she asked softly, too tired from all the crying and the hostility since the previous night.

“It was sitting in my office at SI, labeled urgent… no return address.” He sounded just as tired as he put the glass down, still pointedly avoiding her gaze. “Is this what Killian had on you? Why you called Rhodey before the wedding, and not me?” Somehow, he felt the need to explain. “Rhodey asked me that night if you did come to me after all, but he never told me what you two talked about.”

She quietly nodded and decided to strike a deal with Tony. “I’ll answer your questions about Aldrich and Jim, I promise. But you have to eat first, you haven’t eaten anything since we left New York. Please?”

He nodded once then followed her to the kitchen, surprisingly without putting up a fight. He slid to the booth in front of her as they ate dinner in silence.

“The file was put together by Aldrich’s P.I.,” she began trying to gauge his reaction before she continued. “I was not meant to see it, but my wedding planner left it in the dressing room. When I confronted Aldrich about it, he said he did it to protect me, that my past could be used by his enemies against him, business-wise or not.” She wiped a few tears, remembering how Aldrich had threatened her. “I told him he couldn’t control my life… and he got mad…”

“Did he hurt you? Did he try anything?” Of course he still cared, it was an involuntary reflex.

“No… But he did tell me that if he can’t have me no one else will. So I guess he sent that to you… and it worked…”

“Pep…”

He wanted to tell her she thought wrong, to assure her that he just needed time… but he couldn’t. He knew he loved her and that was the easy part, but he honestly did not know how they would get past this… past everything.

“Then I called Jim because obviously he knew about L.A., and I told him about Aldrich and… I almost went through with the wedding because I knew that when you finally find out about… you’re going to hate me.”

He took it all in, but it had been a really long day, a long two days actually, and Tony just felt drained. He took his phone out and excused himself but Pepper had followed him back to the living room, worried.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m calling Peter—”

“Tony, no,” she warned and begged him at the same time. “You cannot tell Peter about this. It’s not going to help anyone and this could do more harm than good not to mention that—”

“I’m not, I just wanted to hear my son.” He flinched at the word, belatedly realizing the other son he had never met, which did nothing for the pain he had been trying to deal with. “And even if I wanted to tell him, you don’t get a say. Because what about what I wanted? This worked out so well for you, you just wanted to keep this a secret.”

He knew the comment stung, but he could not help it. Now Pepper was looking at him with nothing but hurt in her eyes and tears were streaming down her face, and he knew in that moment that was the cruelest thing he had said to her since he found out about the baby.

“Do you think I haven’t thought about this boy every day of my life since? I fell in love with him the first time I heard his heartbeat… and I was alone and scared and heartbroken over you, but I knew that it would be okay. Because I thought, at least I get to keep a part of you with me… until I didn’t…”

Like many other things since the previous night, he didn't mean what he said. So he took a step forward to try to take her in his arms but she took a step back, arms raised telling him to back off.

“Don’t touch me, Tony…”

“Pep…”

“Are you done? Because I’ve had enough fighting for today…”

He watched her disappear to the bedroom without saying a single word as he sank back to the living room couch emotionally drained. He was angry, he felt lost, he was hurting, he felt blindsided. He didn’t know what to do with Pepper, he didn’t know what this could mean for their relationship, he didn’t know how to grieve for the child that up until the previous day he had no idea existed. He was so busy hurting, he had forgotten she might be needing him as well. For the first time in a really long while, he honestly had no idea what to do.

He took out his phone and waited for Peter to pick up. He just really wanted to hear the kid, he needed to feel grounded even if just for a short while.

“Dad?”

“Hey, kiddo…” He trailed off as he pressed a fist against his lips and drew a sharp, choked breath, struggling to suppress a desperate need to break down. “How was your day?”

“Oh, it was nice. Algebra test… nailed it. Spent the rest of the day on decathlon practice, and MJ’s the new team captain… and she’s doing a really great job. Then I’ve got this new Lego Death Star. Ned and I are going to build it over the weekend.”

“That’s awesome, kid. How many pieces?”

“Dad, 3,803. It’s insane! How’s the trip with Ms. Potts?”

He leaned back on the couch as he took a deep breath trying to rein in his emotions, he was too exhausted and he didn’t like lying to the kid.

“It’s… It’s going well, Pete… A bit snowy outside, so we’re cooped in…”

“But at least you get to spend time together, and isn’t that the point?”

“Yeah… of course.”

“I’m so happy for you, Dad. Say hi to Ms. Potts for me? I miss her waffles. I love you, Dad.”

“I love you, too, kiddo.”

He ended the call and that was when the damn broke. For the first time since his parents died, Tony found himself crying uncontrollably, his face buried in his hands as the anguish and the anger from the last two days came crashing down on him. He loved Peter, he loved the boy so much that he would do anything for the kid. He also knew that everything that Pepper went through was somehow his fault, directly or otherwise – the philandering, her accident… losing the baby... – and no matter how hard he tried to make up for his past mistakes, it would never be enough. His 27 year-old self would probably not believe him, but he could not help but think that he could have been a good father to both kids had he been given the chance, had Pepper not moved away, had they not lost the kid…

Eventually, he stood up from the couch to check on Pepper, and maybe try to get some sleep as well. When he entered the bedroom, he saw her sleeping on the couch he had tried to sleep on the previous night, and without thinking, he carefully scooped her up and carried her to bed before pulling the covers over her. He sat beside her, watching her sleep and aching to touch her.

“Pep… I’m so sorry,” he whispered not wanting to wake her up. “I’m sorry for losing my temper… I’m sorry I didn’t show you that I love you when I had the chance… I’m sorry for treating you so bad back then… I’m sorry because I thought you gave up on us… and I’m sorry because I'm hurting and I'm hurting you as well…”

He sat there for a while, secretly hoping that she at least had heard that, but when Pepper did not even stir, he slowly got off the bed and headed back to the living room.

\---- --- ----

Their second day at the cottage had been a very quiet one. Pepper did not bring up how she woke up in bed when she actually slept on the couch, and Tony seemed to have been less angry about everything compared to the past two nights. Breakfast and lunch had been a pretty solemn affair; they ate in silence while all the time, each one avoided the other’s gaze.

Pepper had been miserable all day, because while Tony seemed to have no other goal in mind than to persecute her for keeping the baby a secret, at least he had been very vocal about it in their first two nights at the cottage, never mind that he threw the most contemptuous and scornful remarks at her. At least, she knew where his head’s at. In her book, that was better compared to how Tony had been treating her right now – he was just there sitting on the living room sofa, purposely ignoring her as if she wasn’t even there, and he had not said a single word to her all day. Suddenly, all the snide remarks he had thrown her way did not seem so bad after all compared to the silent treatment he had been giving her.

She tried to broach a subject or two, about anything other than their child, but he kept ignoring her. Had they been under different circumstances, she would have found this hilarious – because Tony Stark, with his usual hyperverbal self who would always fight to have the last word in any argument, had actually lasted a whole day without saying a single word – but his radio silence was starting to drive her insane. So when nighttime finally rolled in, she joined him in the living room and mindlessly flipped through the old Stark Expo magazines stacked underneath the coffee table.

By the time she was on her fourth magazine, that was when she threw her hands up in surrender.

“I can’t even pretend to read this anymore. How long are we going to sit around here?”

“Until you decide to tell me everything.” His reply was short and clipped, but at least he was talking.

“You’re being unfair, do you know that?”

“And how is this fair to me?” He looked at her scathingly and she could tell he was trying really hard not to lose his temper. “Was I asked if I was okay with you having the baby in L.A.? Did you involve me? I have the right to know exactly everything.”

She looked at him and she realized she couldn’t do this anymore. He could punish her for as long as he wanted but she couldn’t stay alone, with him, in this cottage for one more night. She shook her head more out of exhaustion than resignation as she stood up to go to the bedroom. She took out her suitcase before taking out her phone to search for a car service.

“What are you doing?” He was standing by the doorway, arms crossed while eyeing the suitcase she had taken out of the closet.

“I’m getting a car service, Tony. I’m leaving. I don’t want to spend another night here, with you.”

“Why?” He took a few steps towards her and she took a few backwards until the back of her knees hit the edge of the bed. He stopped where he stood, hands now in his pockets while his jaw tensed.

“You have the reports, Tony. You have the hospital records. Please… Let me go…” She was basically begging him at this point. “What else do you need from me?”

“Pepper, I need to know what happened to us! Why you had to move away, why you kept this from me for so many years… Why won’t you tell me anything? Is that too much to ask?!”

“Yes, yes it is! Because this whole thing had been so excruciating I don’t want to relive it anymore! And I don’t want to spend another day, yet another minute, trapped in this cottage, scared that you’re gonna hate me forever…” She tearfully met his gaze, the anger leaving her as swiftly as it had poured out. “…When I’m still in love with you.”

Tony stood rooted to where he was standing, speechless. He wanted her. God, he really loved her, but a lot of things had happened and he was hurting and she was hurting… he was certain he was going to lose her after this because of everything he did and did not do. He saw her shook her head just as she was about to turn around and pack her clothes, when he thought, _I don’t want to let go…_

He crossed the short distance between them then swiftly wrapped his arms around her as he pulled her closer to him. He kissed her, initially a soft and tender kiss, and she kissed him back while her hand went around his neck to bring him closer. He ran his thumb over her cheek to wipe her tears and her mouth opened on a sigh just before he deepened the kiss, swallowing her gasps possessively.

He pulled back gently to press light wet kisses on her neck down to her collar bone, murmuring as he went along, “Pep… Just tell me to stop…”

“Don’t…”

\---- --- ----

Pepper glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was around two in the morning and despite the fact that Tony made love to her with abandon, sleep had been so elusive. He was sleeping beside her, holding her close, his body both comforting and reassuring while his slow, even breaths kept her grounded. She reached up with her hand and gently ran her fingers along the side of his face, the soft light illuminating every feature and every laugh line, allowing her to commit everything to memory. She knew the night was a temporary reprieve, but she was willing to hold on to him and to whatever this relationship was, for as long as he would have her.

She carefully extracted herself from his side, and reached out for the robe that had been strewn on the floor along with the rest of their clothes. She wrapped it around her as she padded softly towards the window walls overlooking a portion of the brook, letting her mind wander back to the one moment she got to hold her little boy in her arms. She brushed at the tears that had started forming just as she felt his arms wrapped around her, kissing her temple before resting his chin on her shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

“Until when are you going to punish me, Tony?” her voice was breaking but she needed to tell him this. “I loved our kid, and you have to know… it’s been a hole in my life ever since…”

He turned her towards him and kissed her forehead before pulling her into a tight embrace. He felt her collapse in his arms, her soft sobs punctuating the quiet.

“I’m not…” he murmured softly, trying to reassure her. “And I don’t blame you for what happened, it’s not your fault. But it’s that you didn’t tell me…”

“I know, I’m sorry…”

“I am, too…”

She pulled away from his hold to meet his gaze this time, leaning on his hand that was cupping her face.

“What do you want to know?”

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least they're getting there... I guess...
> 
> And I know Tony’s got so much anger, but he’ll get over it. In the end, he loves her and it couldn’t get any simpler than that.
> 
> Lots of flashbacks to look forward to next chapter.


	12. Los Angeles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “… Until you have a child you have no idea the capacity you have to love somebody.” —Larry Paul, Ally McBeal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll find that the first scene is the same as the opening flashback from Chapter 8 (The Concert Fundraiser), but this one's from Pepper's POV though, while Chapter 8's was from Tony's POV.
> 
> Also, this will be a long read. In fact, I almost split this into two chapters, but I figured that would be too cruel. I tried to cut some parts, but I realized, let's not downplay Pepper's pain.
> 
> Also, just putting a **WARNING** for vomiting and pregnancy loss, but there's nothing really graphic nor was anything described in detail.
> 
> So here, enjoy my ~11k-word offering.

**15 years ago, February, Manhattan NY:**

“Hey, you want some breakfast?” Pepper asked softly as Tony walked into the kitchen looking like he always did every morning for the last five years – hung-over.

She was so used to this by now, in fact she had the morning routine perfected already. First, she placed a glass of water and a couple of painkillers in front of him before gently kissing him on the cheek on her way to the coffeemaker to pour him a cup, which she would hand to him as soon as he had downed the pills. She would then ask him what he wanted for breakfast, more out of habit because he was not usually keen on having anything more than his usual cup of coffee. If his head was not throbbing that badly, he would then distract her with his kisses, his touch, his whispers, and she would give in… she always did, never mind if she was happy or sad or angry over something he did, because he was her Tony in spite of and despite everything. He, on the other hand, would always take advantage of that fact; she knew that he knew that he had her and just exactly how it was to butter her up if ever there was anything he needed to apologize for. And in the past five years, there had been _a lot_ that he had to apologize for.

That had been the routine in the last five years ever since he asked her to move in with him at the house on 74th Street, at least for the mornings following the nights that he actually spent with her. She wasn’t stupid, she knew about the many one-night stands he juggled on the side and Tony had not really made any effort to keep his philandering a secret, not from her, not from the tabloids. As badly as it would probably sound, it was already an unspoken thing that if he didn’t come home to her that night, it meant that he was out and about doing God-knows-what with God-knows-who on someone else’s bed (yes, he at least had the decency not to bring his conquests home, to their home). No, she was definitely not okay with that and she had confronted him about it one too many times. But just as expected, he would apologize, promise to stay sober and to stop sleeping around, and he would do exactly that at least until he would relapse and the vicious cycle would once again start. For what it’s worth, though, he had never cheated on her sober, the random women had always been accompanied by a state of inebriation. Still, she knew she did not deserve that.

So of course she had thought about leaving, many times than she had cared to count, but she was young and in love and she really did care about the guy. Every time she would pull out a suitcase and consider packing, she would be reminded that he wasn’t always like this – a trust fund kid who got orphaned way too young and who found solace in too much alcohol and women. Before his parents’ car crash, he was this charming, carefree, affectionate boy, probably too smart for his own good but he was faithful to her and he loved her. She knew he was hurting and that despite his genius, he did not know how to deal with the loss and the sudden responsibility to the company. She just could not leave him, because he would be a horrible monster for a hundred days, and then on the hundred and first, he would be the guy she fell in love with again. So she believed there’s still hope, they could still pull him out. And so, in the many times she had thought of leaving, the most she had done was to pack a few clothes and some shoes before putting them back again in the closet and stashing away her suitcase. She was in a miserable place, that was true, but she could not forget what he whispered in her ear the day they buried his parents, _“I don’t have anyone but you…”_

He was all she had, too, and so she would fight to bring him back at all cost. Fortunately for them, he had been ‘good’ (read: no sleeping around and significantly cutting down on the alcohol consumption, because he couldn’t quit cold turkey) for about three months now, and all it took for that to happen was a row between the two best friends after Tony ended up in the tabloids when he was photographed leaving The New York Palace with Mary Fitzpatrick Parker one cold November morning. Now, Rhodes had always chided Tony about his philandering but this time, Rhodes had to make a very important point – _“Tony, keep your hands off Mary Parker. She’s the granddaughter of Congressman Fitzpatrick and that man could ruin you and the company.”_ – followed by an ultimatum: _“Clean up your act and treat Pepper right, or I’ll drive Pepper myself to the airport and I swear you’d never find out where she’d be moving to.”_

It had been three months since and the ultimatum seemed to be working. He had significantly cut down on the alcohol (although hung-over days still happened once in a while, like this morning), he came home to Pepper every night, and the tabloids had not featured him for a while now. Pepper never gave up on the idea that he could be saved, and suddenly the past three months seemed to make up for all her heartbreaks over the last five years. It seemed, by all appearances, that Tony had been turning over a new leaf, and she was finally, finally, getting the old him back. Suffice to say, they were in a better place now than three months ago.

She went about preparing their breakfast, her back to him, while he quietly watched. He was so quiet she thought he had dozed off at the breakfast bar already until she felt him coming up from behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. He noisily planted soft kisses starting from below her ear all the way down to her throat and she almost gave in… almost, if not for the nausea that had been bothering her all morning.

“Tony… I’m making breakfast,” she chided him, but he continued his ministrations and only pulled her closer to him. “Tony…”

“You’ve never told me no before,” he whispered in that low husky baritone he knew affected her in so many ways. He kissed her on the temple instead before resting his chin on her shoulder, arms still securely wrapped around her waist. “Today’s not a coffee day, huh?”

“No…” she answered, glancing at the glass of orange juice beside the bowls she was sifting the dry ingredients in. She found that the coffee tasted odd that morning and after a quick bout of nausea and vomiting, she decided to skip it that day. Tony, however, did not say anything wrong about the brew so either he didn’t notice or he just didn’t have the energy to mention it. “How are you feeling? You okay?” He _did_ look hung-over that morning after all.

He kissed her on the cheek before sighing deeply, “I love you, you know that, right?” His voice cracked towards the end and for a while there a million thoughts raced in her head but she kept them at bay. “Pep, I have to tell you something…”

“Hmm?” She cracked some eggs and whisked them in one of the bowls as she began adding milk and melted butter. She tried to focus on the task at hand because there was a good chance that his news would be problematic, but she didn’t want to jump to any conclusions. Not now, not when things were only starting to be good again.

He took a deep breath before leaning his forehead on her shoulder. He pulled her closer, tighter, as if he feared that she would run away any second now. “I’m having a baby,” he whispered, but she didn’t even flinch.

She had heard that, or variations of that line, so many times now that she already lost count. In the last five years, the legal team of Stark Industries had been battling paternity claims left and right but fortunately none of those bore fruit. In fact, had it not been for the seriousness of its implications, one would marvel at Tony’s ‘preventive’ measures even while he was inebriated. He was a playboy, sure, but he at least got all his bases covered. So she was unfazed, she just went on mixing the batter because it still did not have the smoothness that she was going for, she wanted the waffles to be perfect after all. So, it was business as usual in Pepper’s head.

“Are you sure? Because we get those paternity claims two to three times per week now.” This wasn’t exactly news. “What’s the name this time?”

“Mary Parker… I saw the results… I’m having a baby.”

She almost dropped the wire whisk in the bowl, but she managed to rest her palms flat on the counter while she stood there stiffly, unmoving, almost frozen. She did not cry, she did not scream, she did not even let out a gasp, but in the inside she felt as if somebody had punched her in the stomach and kicked her in the gut as well just for good measure. She felt Tony clung to her, as if he was a drowning man and she was the raft that kept him afloat, which was exactly what she had done for him in the last five years. She closed her eyes, counted to ten, then opened them again just to stare unblinkingly at the vase of peonies sitting in the middle of the counter.

“With another person…” she whispered quietly, pragmatically. “What do you need me to do?”

“You don’t need to do anything…” he kissed her temple again and she could feel his tears dampened her own cheek. He was actually crying, while she remained still and rooted to the spot. “But I always thought that when I do have a kid it will be with you.”

She didn’t know how long she stood there but for as long as she did, Tony had not even moved an inch. She wanted to scream but she couldn’t find her voice. She wanted to cry but it felt as if the air had been taken from her lungs. She felt so betrayed – by Tony, by the world because just when things were starting to get better, the rug got pulled from beneath her feet only to leave her falling, falling, with no one to catch her in the end. For the first time since she met him, she had never felt so alone.

She began to untangle from his embrace because the nausea started to hit once more but he was not willing to let go. So she tried to reassure him that she was not running away, not now anyway, by asking as calmly as she could, “Excuse me one second.” When he finally did let go, she rushed to the nearest powder room and barely managed to lock the door behind her before spending the next several minutes hurling over the toilet.

When she finally eased back and collapsed against the tiled wall, all she could think about was that she wanted to die and with Tony’s news he basically had done the deed. She sat there on the floor for a while as few tears started to fall but she clapped her hand against her mouth to muffle the sobs that were threatening to escape. She was not naïve, at the back of her mind she knew that this was always a possibility, but no amount of emotional anticipation and logical reasoning could have prepared her for the day that one paternity claim actually bore fruit. So she let the tears fall but only allowed herself a couple of minutes of reprieve before she leaned into the sink to rinse her mouth and to splash cold water on her face.

Once she managed to get herself together, she reached up for the box of tissue sitting at the vanity cabinet above her and accidently knocked over a box of tampons in the process. She didn’t know if it was Tony’s news which brought it on but a chill ran through her spine as she stared at the scattered tampons on the floor. She began to pick them up one by one while trying to rack her brain as to when was the last time she had actually used one of those.

 _December_.

She stared at herself in the mirror in horror.

She needed to compartmentalize, and Pepper Potts was nothing if not organized. So she made a mental list: first, she needed to deal with Tony and that seemed to be the most urgent thing because she left him standing on the other side of the door, next she had to know what he planned to do… with Mary Parker, and then… she would have to take a pregnancy test. There was no point in dumping this information on Tony unless she was sure, so this could wait, for now. She dried her face and glanced in the mirror only to see that her eyes were red but dry, before reaching for the doorknob with shaky hands.

She stepped out of the powder room to face Tony who was leaning against a wall, arms crossed in front of his chest, looking at her with bloodshot eyes. She spoke calmly, almost as if she was just about to ask about the weather, “What do you plan to do?”

He looked at her tearfully and shook his head, “I don’t know,” before walking out and disappearing to his workshop.

\---- --- ----

She was procrastinating, that’s what she was doing, because denial was a wonderful thing.

It was almost nine in the evening and she was sitting on their bed, staring at the four boxes of pregnancy tests in her hands. Earlier in the day when Tony made no indication of leaving his workshop anytime soon, she got in the car and, as much as she hated driving herself in New York traffic, went on a forty minute-drive to Newark, New Jersey just to purchase the tests. It was probably an overkill, but she could not risk being seen. In spite of Tony’s very public conquests, a few of the paparazzi still knew about her and getting photographed inside a Manhattan drug store while purchasing a pregnancy test was definitely the last thing they needed right now. She had thought about asking Happy to buy it for her, but she figured that it would be best if she was the only person who knew about her dilemma for now. So she took the trip and endured the long drive back to Manhattan as well.

She checked in on Tony when she got back but he still had not left the workshop. There was a plus though, at least he was not drunk, seeing that he opted to work instead on the classic ’32 Ford that his father loved so much. She then left him a few sandwiches on his worktable before locking herself away in their bedroom, and that was where she had been all day until nighttime eventually fell.

So she sat there staring at the boxes, trying her best to postpone taking it. Because what if her cycle had just been erratic anyway, given all the recent stresses in their lives? It wouldn’t actually be the first time it happened. Also, she was on the pill and granted that she did take it religiously, what were the odds that she would belong in the less than one percent failure rate, right?

 _You very well know that the odds of that happening was not exactly that slim_ , her subconscious mockingly reminded her.

Fine, it wasn’t a perfect use, it wasn’t religious, she might have missed a day or two and she did tell Tony about it, but he complained and whined – something about condoms defeating the point of having a live-in girlfriend and him not wanting to be a college frat boy – and she knew, even if he had been faithful to her in the last few months, she really should not have let him coaxed her into risking it.

 _That was really stupid,_ she thought sighing deeply, _also, what a very unglamorous conception story._ She closed her eyes and tried to take deep, regular breaths. _Stop it, Potts. There’s no confirmed conception yet, as far as you know._

She stood up to hide the tests in her purse for now, ultimately coming up with the decision, and the resolve, to simply take the tests tomorrow – for when she had a clearer head, and for when she finally knew what Tony’s plans with Mary Parker were. She really tried to convince herself that Mary would not factor in the equation, in _their_ equation, but she had to know what Tony’s plans would be. Because what if he didn’t want Mary’s kid? Would that mean he wouldn’t want her baby as well? She knew Tony wanted children eventually, a little ways down the road, but not right now. Also, two kids, all at once? Although, whatever his plans with Mary would be, Pepper knew that she would keep _her_ baby at all costs, with or without Tony if she was being honest.

_Slow down, Potts, you don’t even have a positive pregnancy test…yet._

“Hey, Pep…”

She was so lost in her thoughts that she did not hear him come in until he came up from behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He kissed her on the cheek and planted soft kisses on her neck down to her throat, before resting his head into the crook of her neck, breathing her in.

“I missed you today…” he murmured as he rested his chin on her shoulder. “Where were you the whole day?”

“I was just here,” she wrapped her arms around his without thinking. “Did you eat the sandwiches I left you?”

Did he even notice that she dropped by in the workshop? He probably didn’t even notice that she took one of the cars from the garage.

“I did. Thank you,” he murmured, just as she felt his hands skimmed down her sides. She grabbed his wrists before he could try anything else, but he did not push it, he merely buried his nose in her hair. “What’s wrong?” he whined, quite impatiently.

 _You’re having a baby with another woman,_ she had wanted to say, _and you’re acting like this morning never happened, that’s what’s wrong_.

She took a deep breath instead, “Don’t you think we should discuss Mary Parker?”

“I don’t want to,” he whispered so softly and so apologetically, she almost didn’t hear him.

“We have to, at some point…” She knew she needed to be firm, because Tony would surely deflect for as long as he could and for as long as she allowed him to. And as if on cue, without preamble, Tony spun her around and kissed her hard, passionately, before she managed to push her hands against his chest, breaking the kiss. “Tony, stop it.”

“Pep...” he grabbed her wrists, willing her to hold his gaze and those dark brown eyes only reminded her of the way he looked at her after his parents’ funeral, when he told her she was all he had left. “I _need_ you… tonight. Because tomorrow, I’m not sure if—”

“I’m not going anywhere,” she tried to reassure him, but he only shook his head at her, a sad smile forming on his lips. “Tony… what are you trying to tell me?”

“Nothing…” he kissed her knuckles reverently, his gaze never leaving hers. “I just want you to know that I’m sorry for all the mess I made...and that I love you and I’m lucky. But can we just have tonight, for us? Please? Reality can wait.”

Desperation, that was the look she saw in his eyes and her heart ached for him. She knew he needed the reassurance, so before she could change her mind she placed her arms around his neck to pull him closer and began to kiss him chastely.

“Thank you…” she heard him whisper as he pulled her close to him, while running his hands through her hair and kissing her everywhere, almost as if he was saying goodbye, silently. “I love you, you know that right?” He pulled away gently, his hands cupping her face and rubbing at the few tears that have started falling.

She nodded, and when he took her in his arms to kiss her again, she didn’t hold back and neither did he.

\---- --- ----

“Honey, are you awake?”

They were tangled in the sheets, with Tony resting his head comfortably on her stomach, when she heard him murmur softly. He had tuckered her out, and she almost drifted off to sleep if not for that worrying feeling that had plagued her all night – he was gentle but passionate, almost as if he was worried that this would be the last time…

“I’m here,” she shuddered, trying to keep those thoughts at bay while absent-mindedly running her fingers through his hair.

“Are you cold?” he came up to her, kissing the side of her lips while grabbing a sheet to pull over them. He buried his nose in her hair and breathed her in, sighing deeply. “I’m sorry… for breaking your heart every day in the last five years…”

“I forgive you…” because that was the truth. She felt him pull her closer, just enjoying the temporary peace the night brought in because tomorrow… things would definitely be different, whatever that meant, for him… for them. Tonight, though, she couldn’t help but notice that this was her old Tony again, and just for that, she knew she couldn’t put off _knowing_ any longer than she already had. She turned on her side to gaze at him, reaching up to lightly run her fingers along the side of his face. “I just need a minute, I’ll be back.”

She got off the bed then grabbed her robe and purse on the way to the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She took a deep breath, then laid out all four tests on the marble counter, all four because she knew she couldn’t afford an inaccurate test toying with her heart. What followed next was the longest five minutes of her life.

Staring back at her were four positive test kits and she knew, **this was the night that her whole life had changed forever**.

She had anticipated fear, and yes she did feel fear, but slowly, little by little, there was only warmth. Her mind began to wander, imagining a little brown eyed baby boy with a mop of dark brown wavy hair giggling and clapping while running towards her waiting arms ready to scoop him up. She burst into tears, not out of fear, but because of the reassurance, the promise that this knowledge brought her – that whatever was bound to happen in the next days, she would always have a part of Tony with her and nobody could take that away. That alone brought her comfort and as she steadied herself before she stepped out of the bathroom, she knew that she could do this, with or without Tony.

Slowly, she gathered the tests and carefully stashed them in her purse before stepping out of the bathroom. She paused by the doorway as his sleeping form distracted her momentarily. He had to know, of course he had to know, but it could wait until tomorrow. She climbed back to bed to lay beside him, resting a hand on his chest while she tucked her head into the crook of his neck, somehow breathing a sigh of relief.

 _This was home,_ she thought, _he felt like home._

He put an arm around her shoulders to pull her closer and softly murmured into her hair, “Are you okay?”

She simply nodded, not trusting herself to keep her composure, but she knew it would be okay. Somehow, it would all be okay.

\---- --- ----

Pepper had been pacing in a tight circle inside their bedroom for quite a while now. She had woken up alone and when she searched the house for Tony, the silver Audi was gone but that was more than four hours ago. She tried his phone, already losing count on how many times she had tried to reach him, but it always went straight to voicemail. She didn’t know why, but she was starting to worry, for Tony… for them. She still had to tell him about the baby and she promised herself that would be the first thing she would do as soon as he showed up, and he did, just right on schedule.

She rushed to put her arms around him while sighing in great relief, already feeling silly for stressing out about his whereabouts earlier that day. She hugged him, kissing his cheek while trying to calm herself.

“Where were you? We have to talk, I have something to tell you.”

“Me too, Pep. I have to tell you something, but can we sit down? I feel like we should be sitting down for this.”

He gently pulled away from her hug and led her to sit on the bed with him. She noted that he looked tired, almost as if he aged over five years overnight, and his eyes were bloodshot with dark circles around them. He wouldn’t meet her gaze, instead he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, deep in thought.

_Where did he come from?_

She had a bad feeling about this, but she tried to still her nerves to hear him out.

“Tony, I—”

“Pep, can I go first? Because if I don’t, I might not be able to say it, and it’s really hard, and…” He looked at her briefly, tearfully, that she had no other choice but to nod and let him go first. “Look, I owe you a lot. You saved my life when I didn’t even want to be saved, and for that alone, I love you but—”

“Tony…”

She was beginning to worry. She had told him she’s not going anywhere, right? Yet why did it feel as if he was saying… good bye?

“Pep, please… Just let me get this out. I might not be able to if you interrupt me, and I really need to say this…” He paused seemingly to gather his thoughts, all the time pointedly avoiding her gaze. “I came to see Mary Parker… and I really want to make it work with her. I really want to make it work… for the baby.”

“Make it work with her how?” she whispered already fearing his answer. She swallowed the lump in her throat just as she felt her lungs collapsed, not letting any air in.

“I have to give the kid a chance… and—”

“Just get to the point, Tony…”

_Because I don’t think I could spend another minute with you just breaking my heart over and over and over again._

“I’m having a baby and I need to figure out a way to make it work with her…” he paused to wipe at the tears that had started streaming down his face. “I offered to get married and she agreed.”

“Why would you do that?”

“I’m trying to change!” he almost shouted in frustration.

 **That was the day Pepper’s world stood still,** it almost felt as if Tony had slapped her in the face. She felt numb but her heart was breaking into pieces, she felt like screaming but no sound would come out, she felt like crying but the tears refused to fall. She was shocked and frazzled.

 _Why didn’t you change for me?_ _All I did is wait for you, I rooted for you, I did everything for you_.

“Is this what you really want? Is Congressman Fitzpatrick…” she knew her voice was breaking and her hands were shaking but she had nothing to lose, there was nothing left anymore.

“That wasn’t a factor. This is all me.”

She raised a hand to cup his chin, nudging him to meet her eyes. He should at least look her in the eye this time, he owed her that much.

“What does this mean for us?”

“I love you, Pep… I will always love you.” He took her hand in his, kissing the inside of it tearfully. “But I’m doing something I should have done five years ago… I’m setting you free.”

At that moment, she knew, she knew he could always count on Tony to pull the rug from beneath her feet, and it hurt so much more than she thought was possible. He was giving her an out, after all these years, he decided _now_ was the best time to do it. She felt so blindsided that he had come up with this decision on his own, without even going to her first, as if she didn’t factor in anything at all.

_Clearly, you didn't._

“What was your news? You’re not gonna tell me you’re pregnant, too, are you?” He looked at her with a tired, twisted smile. “Because if you are, I think I might just lose it.”

She blinked at him, surprised. Her news… She couldn’t rely on him anymore, could she? In fact she couldn’t rely on him at all, not now, not ever. His mind was already made up, and she knew him, she knew he wouldn’t budge once he set his mind on something. But the baby, _her_ baby, the baby could rely on her no matter what, for stability, for love... the child would want for nothing.

“I’m moving to L.A.,” she whispered, averting her eyes from his. “I figured it would be best for you… and for the kid.”

_For our kid..._

“Probably…” he pulled her into a hug and before she realized it, he was crying on her shoulder while she simply felt numb and stared blankly ahead. She was losing him, but what hurt her the most was that he didn’t even attempt to stop her from leaving. So maybe, she really shouldn’t stay. Not anymore.

He gently pulled away but only to gaze at her one last time, those dark brown eyes already saying goodbye, before kissing her passionately, pouring everything he had on that kiss before finally letting her go. He rested his forehead against hers, just trying to lose himself in the moment, hanging on to every last thread there was.

“I should go…” she whispered, not meeting his gaze, because if she did, she would never be able to leave.

“Can we just lie here for a little bit?”

She nodded before lying on her side to rest her head on her hands, with Tony right behind her pulling her close to his chest. They lay there in silence, which was occasionally pierced by his muffled sobs but Pepper had remained quiet. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t cry; it was almost as if her body had completely shut down. So she was just there, trying to be Tony’s rock for one last time.

“I can’t believe I’m having a baby and it’s not with you…” he whispered in her ear and that was when the dam finally broke.

\---- --- ----

“What, you can’t get out of New York fast enough?” Rhodes asked as he pulled over at LaGuardia. “Did you really have to charter a private plane?”

“I just want to settle in my new place as soon as possible,” Pepper smiled at him tearfully.

It had been three days since she last saw Tony and that was more than enough time for her to arrange the details of her move. Rhodes was kind enough to oversee the shipping of her belongings from the house on 74th street to L.A. while she maintained her distance by staying at The New York Palace in those last days. Rhodes had been a good friend to her throughout this whole ordeal, in spite the fact that he was actually Tony’s best friend first before he became her friend, and she was thankful for that. She had no one else, and it wouldn’t hurt to have someone in her corner after all.

He stepped out of the car and rushed to get her door for her, and she had to muster enough strength not to break down right there and then. New York was her home and uprooting herself to an entirely different state that’s three hours behind could feel a bit overwhelming.

“You’re really going…” It was not a question but she knew Rhodes, he was a military man but he was not unfeeling.

“I am. He’s made up his mind and there’s really no room left for me anymore.” They didn’t have to address who ‘he’ was, but she was thankful that Rhodes took her cue not to mention his name. “Thank you for getting my stuff from the house, Jim. I don’t think that I could…”

“You know that you can always rely on me, right? I’m your friend, too.” A beat, then he had to ask. “Why are you leaving so soon? I mean, I understand why you’re going, but why are you in a rush?”

_Because I’m afraid that I might change my mind if I thought more about it? That the baby could change my mind?_

She shook her head, avoiding his gaze, “I just want to get out of here before any wedding announcements come out. Nobody wants to be hounded by the press.”

He nodded in understanding, “He loves you, Pepper.”

“I know he did—”

“No… He _loves_ you. He still does. He always will,” he gently squeezed her arm in an attempt to reassure her. “I’ve known him since before you came into his life. You have to believe me on this.”

“Well…” She knew her eyes were starting to well up but she fought back the tears, hard. “He’s not exactly here to stop me from leaving, is he?”

Rhodes pulled her in for a hug, “I don’t know what’s gotten in his head thinking he has to get married. This is probably just an overcorrection, you know how he’s always been at this ready-fire-aim mode since the car crash. But I know he loves you and if you wanted to, maybe you could change his mind.”

 _If I wanted to._ She thought about the baby and she hated the fact that she was having doubts, but she honestly thought this would be all for the best. She could only imagine the PR nightmare should this get out. She pulled away from his embrace while gently shaking her head in disagreement.

“I think I have to go.”

“Pepper, you don’t have to do this alone, you know? If you give me a phone number and an address, I promise I won’t give it to him. I’ll just hold on to it and call you as soon as he comes to his senses and starts filing for divorce.”

She had to give it to Rhodes, he at least made her smile at that, though tearfully, but a smile nonetheless, a first in the last three days.

“That won’t be necessary, Jim. But I do have your number, for emergencies,” she reassured him. She sighed deeply then tried for a smile, “I guess this is it.”

“I still can’t believe this is happening,” he shook his head, frowning. “Are you sure I can’t stop you? Can I plead in Tony’s behalf?”

That did it for her, the mere mention of his name and right on cue, the tears had started falling. She quickly wiped them off, before kissing Rhodes on the cheek.

“You’ve done more than enough, Jim, but I really have to go.”

He watched her go and he thought he would never see her again until he got an emergency phone call five months later.

* * *

**Present day, January, Cornwall CT:**

“You should’ve told me…”

Tony was sitting on the living room couch, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, gazing at anything but Pepper. It was a few minutes past six, their fourth night in the cottage, and they had agreed from the previous night (or early morning, really) to defer the discussion for the next day. Pepper had been quiet the whole day, although she did seem to appreciate that his temper had significantly improved compared to when they first arrived in Cornwall. He spent the day touring her in the vicinity of the property in the hopes of lifting her spirits up, and the light snowfall had even allowed them to take a stroll along the path of the brook. It was a big property, but they could only do so much strolling before they finally had to deal with the elephant in the room.

She was sitting in the armchair on his left, staring straight ahead the whole time she was telling her story, pointedly avoiding his gaze. Tony, for his part, had been doing the same, often directing his attention to the glass of scotch he had poured for himself but had never gotten to drinking. Throughout Pepper’s recollection, he wanted to reach out to her but felt that the physical contact might be unwelcome, that and on top of the fact that it took a great deal of effort on his part to stop himself from having a breakdown right there and then. He had to compose himself, because he knew that if he did crumble, Pepper would stop, and he needed to hear the entirety of the story. The problem was she hadn’t even gotten to the part about Los Angeles yet, but he already believed that his heart could not take it anymore. The pain and the guilt plagued him; it was just too much.

“Pepper, I was an asshole but you should’ve told me.”

“And what would you have done? You should know, your son was the best thing that happened to you.”

“You are, too,” he looked at her for the first time that night and had they been in a different situation, he would’ve marveled at the strength that Pepper had. There was no hint of anger in her voice and in her face, there was longing yes, but neither was there blame. He really didn’t deserve her, he never did, he never would. “I was stupid not to know it then but I didn’t have to get married to make things work. That’s exactly what I realized when I filed for divorce, when I wanted out three years later.” He paused, trying his best to let her know that he meant what he was about to say, “I would have done anything for you, all you had to do was ask.”

_I did ask you to change for me, I’d been asking you to change for five years._

“I didn’t think I could believe that then, I didn’t think you would have done anything even if I asked.” There, it was a bit kinder, somehow.

He wasn’t stupid, he knew she would say that, but it still hurt to hear it coming directly from her. He was young, an idiot, and a selfish bastard, and he knew he would never be able to make up for every heartbreak that he had caused her. He was even beginning to wonder if maybe, just maybe, Killian did deserve her more than him.

“Then I moved to LA,” she began without any preface, “But can we not talk about the accident? You have the reports, anyway. I don’t want to relive that part anymore.”

He nodded, staring at the glass of scotch that had remained untouched in front of him. He was tempted to dull the pain, to drink away his regrets, but he promised himself that he would listen to her every word, he would take every blame, because he should have done this for her fifteen years ago. It would never be enough, but it was the best he could do.

* * *

**15 years ago, mid-July, Los Angeles CA:**

Pepper woke up disoriented, with a very bad headache, and a numb tolerable ache all over her body. She squinted, trying to shield her eyes from the glaring immaculate whiteness of the room as she tried to take in her surroundings. The shades of white and gray as well as the strong smell of disinfectant were a dead giveaway. _Hospital_ , she thought. The last thing she remembered was a black BMW colliding with her car and her own vehicle capsizing, her left arm bleeding profusely…

She glanced at her left arm, which was wrapped in bandages up to the elbow and immobilized by a splint, feeling comforted by the fact that she could at least move her fingers. She raised her other hand to touch the side of her forehead where she felt the steady ache since waking up, feeling the dressing on her wound instead. She breathed a sigh of relief, closing her eyes as she rested her head back against the pillows, noting that all things considered, she was somehow lucky to have walked away in spite of the injuries. Out of reflex, she then rested her hand on her pregnant stomach… which wasn’t there.

Panic. That was all she felt when she almost bolted upright only to see her flat stomach in front of her. She was still at least seven weeks away from term and if she did go in premature labor… or worse, if the car crash had…

“Pepper, hey, easy. Calm down, I’m here.”

In her panic, she had not noticed that Rhodes had been quietly sleeping in the armchair beside the bed. He was fully awake now and gently rubbing her good arm in an attempt to soothe her, but her mind was all panic and fear and chaos…

“Jim…” she whispered, her voice cracking from lack of use, “How’s the baby?”

She saw the hesitation on his face as he bit his lip and gently shook his head, trying to avoid her gaze. And that’s when she knew… **That was the day Pepper’s world came crumbling down.**

He sat beside her on the bed and took her in his arms while she cried inconsolably, her screams of anguish bouncing off the four walls of the pristine room for what felt like hours. It was an indescribable agony, almost as if someone pierced her heart with a knife and put it through a wringer over and over and over again. It was the worst pain imaginable, like somebody carved a hole in her chest only to squeeze the life out of her barely beating heart. She didn’t know for how long she was screaming, but she knew it was long enough for her wails to become raspy. She screamed until there’s nothing left, she cried and cried until she could no more.

“Why are you here?” she whispered, desperately trying to think of anything else other than the baby.

“I was in Edwards Air Force Base. It was almost a two-hour drive, but I did try to get here as fast as I could.”

She untangled from his embrace and slumped back into the pillows exhausted, her gaze scrutinizing his reaction as he sat back on the armchair and leaned towards the side of the bed.

“No. Why are _you_ here?”

“Pepper…” he slowly began, clearly trying to tread carefully, “I’m your emergency contact.”

“You wouldn’t be their first call.” There was accusation in her voice, and right now she was willing to blame anyone that she could blame for her loss. “He really didn’t care anymore, did he?”

“I’m sure he missed the call,” Rhodes tried to placate her while trying not to sound defensive of Tony. “It was probably, two, three in the morning in New York? I tried to call him, multiple times, it went to voicemail.”

“Did he call you back yet?” When he didn’t respond, she smiled sadly at him. “That’s what I thought.”

“You were in surgery for five hours and you didn’t wake up until three hours after.” He tried to reason while he glanced at his watch, “It’s only past ten in the morning in New York, he was just probably about to check his phone. I’m sure he’ll call.”

“What happened?” she asked wanting to change the conversation. Talking about Tony was the last thing she needed right now.

“I got the call a little bit before midnight. When I got here you were already in surgery, they told me you lacerated a blood vessel in your arm that’s why they had to go in. You were losing blood.”

She nodded, silent tears soaking her pillow as she tried in vain to recall any details. “And the baby?”

He sighed before answering her, clearly finding it difficult to tell her what happened. “They weren’t able to detect any heartbeat when they found you. They said it was probably from blunt force trauma, that was also why you went into labor, according to the doctor.”

She closed her eyes, letting the tears fall, as she felt the loss once more. She felt so hollow, almost as if a part of her was taken away from her never to be replaced. And in some ways, that was what happened. She was done screaming and she was thankful that Rhodes at least let her cry it all out, allowing her to deal with her pain as her soft sobs pierced the stillness of the room. She felt him reaching out to hold her hand, and she gripped it tightly, letting him anchor her because she was falling and drowning in unbelievable despair…

“The baby…” she whispered, not wanting to open her eyes, “The baby was Tony’s.”

She felt ridiculous that she had to explain, but Rhodes gave her hand a reassuring squeeze letting her know that he never thought otherwise.

“Why didn’t you tell him? I’m sure he would’ve done things differently had he known.”

She opened her eyes to fix her gaze at the ceiling instead, she couldn’t handle further judgment should there be any from Rhodes’ reactions.

“He was so lost… and I was blindsided.”

She then went on to tell him about her last conversation with Tony, how he disappeared one morning and came home with the news that he wanted to get married, how he thought he was doing the right thing, how he was so worried that she was going to tell him that she was having a baby…and how he wouldn’t be able to handle it if she did.

They stayed there in silence, with Rhodes probably grappling for comforting words to say but he couldn’t come up with any. She knew there was none, anyway, there was nothing anyone could say to her that would make things a bit better right now, but at least, she was thankful for the company. It was a relief to have a friend around, just to have someone in her corner, because Tony couldn’t… wouldn’t.

Rhodes fumbled in his pocket when his phone started buzzing, frowning at the caller ID. It was Tony.

“Do you want to talk to him?” he offered but she shook her head no. “What do you want me to tell him?”

“Nothing.”

“Pepper, you can’t ask me to keep this from him. This is too big to keep a secret, he deserves to know.”

“I’m not ready, Jim,” she answered before turning her head to the other side, effectively ending their conversation.

She heard Rhodes sigh tiredly before answering the call. “Tones… Yeah, I was calling because of some military contracts… I know, I just forgot about the time difference… No, it’s okay, I’ve had it sorted out already… Yeah, see you soon…”

When the call finally ended, she heard the chair moved as Rhodes probably stood up. She still didn’t want to turn and look at him, but he was at least being patient.

“Pepper, do you need anything? I’ll step out for a bit, but I’ll be back.”

“I want to see my little boy,” she whispered through the tears that seemed to have restarted once more.

\---- --- ----

**15 years ago, August, Santa Monica CA:**

Pepper had been sitting at the balcony of James Rhodes’ house in Santa Monica all afternoon, just watching the waves roll by. It had been over three weeks since the accident, and upon Rhodes’ insistence, she had agreed to stay with him for a few weeks while he was on leave. She didn’t mind the company, although she didn’t mind being alone either; her staying in his house was more to pacify Rhodes’ worries if she was being honest.

She wasn’t really much of a company herself these days, often electing to spend the day at the balcony just watching the waves… or the kids playing along the beach. It had been three weeks, but perhaps the most she had said to Rhodes the whole time was the bare minimum of pleasantries and thank yous. She knew he was trying, sitting with her at the balcony for a few hours each day, but she didn’t want to talk… about Tony, about the baby, about New York. She was dealing with it in her own way, but she didn’t want to relive the whole ordeal anytime soon.

There were days when she would be okay but there had been really bad days as well. Rhodes would sometimes find her crying silently while gazing at the children playing along the beach. She would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, exhausted, always at that point in her dream just before the car capsized after hitting that palm tree. There were days when she would just look at the sonogram photos in her phone and refused to eat at all.

She had been going to therapy about twice a week and had been doing yoga just before daybreak, and so far those seemed to help. Little by little, she was starting to feel like her old self again, but there were days when she would still find herself in that balcony just longingly watching the children running along the beach. Today was one of those days.

“Pepper?”

She glanced over her shoulder to see Mama Rhodes just smiling at her, the crinkles surrounding her eyes for when she would smile somehow comforting her. She watched as the older woman took a seat on the armchair beside her, reaching out to gently squeeze her hand in hers. Mama Rhodes had always been a comforting figure, both for her and for Tony as well, especially following his parents' car crash. She didn’t realize it until then, but maybe Mama Rhodes was just exactly the person she needed right now.

“I hope you don’t mind but Jim told me everything,” the older woman began with nothing but concern in her eyes. “About you and Tony, about your accident, and about the baby.”

Pepper just nodded her head quietly, knowing that words could betray what little composure she had at the moment. She could feel her eyes welling up and she brushed them off, unbothered. This was Mama Rhodes after all, it was a safe space.

“I’m not here to tell you how to live your life and I cannot promise you that the pain will go away…” the older woman went on, taking her hand in hers. “But I know that it gets better, somehow, eventually. There’s no time frame, my dear, but it will happen. That pain you feel? It’s never going away, but you learn to live with it just as it becomes a part of you. It becomes tolerable, a bittersweet reminder even, but it stays with you because you loved that little boy. And I know that you loved him so much.”

“It’s so painful…” she whispered in between sobs.

“I know, my dear, and it’s because you loved that boy, from the very first time that you knew you were having him, you loved him right there and then, that’s why.” She caught Pepper’s eyes, coaxing them to hold her gaze. “But you have to forgive yourself because what happened wasn’t your fault. You don’t have to live with that guilt, you shouldn’t. Now, I have to ask, but have you thought of telling Tony about it?”

“I don’t want to.”

“I understand,” Mama Rhodes smiled kindly. “You don’t have to do it now, these things take time, but you can’t keep this secret forever. This is not only your loss, it’s Tony’s as well.”

Pepper just nodded, smiling weakly at the older woman. “Am I going to be okay?”

“You will be, it will take some time but you will be.”

* * *

**Present day, January, Cornwall CT:**

“I moved back to my place after a month or so, or rather, Jim came home from a tour and I left him a note. And every year, on the date, he would take me out for coffee and we’d visit the memorial park. We'd just sit there in silence.”

Pepper’s gaze was so distant that Tony felt horrible for pushing her to relive these memories, but he had to know. There was no other way around it. There were so many things going on in his head right now – he should have treated her right, he should have included her in his decisions, he should have answered that phone call to name a few – so much so that he wondered how he would be able to make peace with this. Still, there were a few other things that he wished he could’ve known.

“What did he look like?” He softly asked her, directing his attention instead at the scotch that had remained untouched all night.

“He looked so fragile, but he was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” She met his gaze this time, tearfully but without any blame nor scorn, “I named him after you. Andros Edward.”

He nodded, his heart breaking further into pieces. “Seeing Peter around must have been so hard on you. I didn’t realize, I’m so sorry…”

“On the contrary, no. If you’d ask me, I’d take that boy in, in a heartbeat.”

_That’s what I thought._

He really didn’t deserve her, did he? He never would.

“Pep…”

“I’d like to go home, Tony…” she stood up but he caught her wrist, pulling her towards him as he wrapped his arms around her waist

“I really thought I was doing the right thing,” he sobbed as he leaned his head into her stomach, “I did it for the both of you… for Peter’s sake and for you as well, because I knew it was the only way that you’d leave me, because you deserved better. And yes… I chose Peter, but it didn’t mean that I chose his mother over you. That was never the case, and had I known about the baby, Pep…”

“It’s okay, Tony, you didn’t know…” She gently untangled from his grip and looked at him with nothing but sadness on her face. “But I’d really like to go home now.

\---- --- ----

The drive back to Manhattan had been a really somber one, and aside from occasionally glancing at Pepper (who had pointedly been gazing at the window the whole ride), there was really nothing much for Tony to do… or say. He had no idea what this meant for their… whatever their relationship was, and he had no idea what to do either. The truckload of information dumped on him would need processing and he would need some time, and then… They would figure it out, hopefully.

“Can you just drop me off at my building?” Pepper broke into the quiet as soon as they had entered the city.

So she didn’t even want to stay with him. _It’s probably for the best for now_ , he thought as he turned the corner to her street and pulled over in front of her building. He stepped out of the car and rushed to get her door for her, then took out her suitcase from the trunk and walked her towards the elevator.

“Tony, promise me you’re not going to tell Peter about this,” she looked at him making sure he was paying attention. “Just because something needs to be said doesn’t mean it needs to be heard. Peter doesn’t need the ghost of his brother hanging above his head. This is exactly why I kept this from you.”

He honestly hadn’t thought that far, his mind was still stuck somewhere between the part where he told her that he was getting married and that he might just lose it if she told him she was pregnant (because he was really an asshole, God, he wanted to kick himself), but sure, of course, he’d agree to that, for now. He just felt so lost right now, as lost as he did some fifteen years ago.

“Tony… say something.”

He looked at her and the guilt was still there, in her eyes. He knew she still sometimes wondered what if she told him? What if she never left New York? What if she didn’t attend that function? And he could only do so much to reassure her of the fact that he wasn’t blaming her, that was the only thing he could offer her right now.

“I don’t blame you about the accident, but it’s that you didn’t tell me.” He raised a hand to cup her face and wipe her tears with his thumb. “I don’t hate you, Pep, as much as I want to. But you’ve had fifteen years to make peace with this. It’s going to take me some time.”

He leaned forward to press a soft kiss against her lips before turning around and walking away. He needed time, _they_ needed time.

She watched him go, and somehow she was reminded of how it felt when he kissed her that final night fifteen years ago. He said he didn’t hate her, and yet, she couldn’t help but feel like he was saying good bye.

\---- --- ----

“Hap, sorry for calling you this late. Just thought I should let you know, Pepper’s back at her place.”

“Sure, Boss. I’ll make the necessary changes. I’ll get some of my guys to watch her building.”

“Thank you, Happy.”

He glanced at the clock as he climbed up the stairs to Peter’s room. It was almost midnight and the kid was probably asleep already, it was a school night after all. He knocked softly once, and when there was no answer, he quietly opened the door before carefully sitting on the bed.

He took everything in – the Millennium Falcon model sitting on the kid’s study table, the physics and chemistry textbooks scattered on the floor, the Star Wars posters on the walls, the fourteen year-old boy sleeping soundly beside him – and just like that, he felt grounded. This was what he always did whenever he was feeling lost, he just had to be around Peter and as if the kid was the north star, he was guided back home. He ran his fingers through the boy’s hair while he suppressed a desperate need to break down.

His thoughts drifted off to the other boy, the other son that he had never known. He said a silent prayer, asking for forgiveness for all his shortcomings to him and to his mother some fifteen years ago. He didn’t know about the baby, but he knew that had he known, he would have done things differently. But there really was nothing left for him to do, right? Other than mourn for that long lost kid and try his very best for the one that he still had.

He glanced at Peter, and he couldn’t be more thankful that he could hear the kid’s even breaths and feel his strong pulse.

“I love you kids. I hope that you both know, I only did the best that I could.”

\---- --- ----

“Tones, I thought I’d find you here.” Rhodes greeted as he descended into the workshop. “I saw you left Peter’s room, did you just arrive?”

“Yeah, I just did.” He was sitting in the 1932 Ford Roadster convertible, scotch in hand, eyes visibly bloodshot. He was actually hoping to just pass out at some point later in the garage; he could allow himself to fall off the wagon, right, just this once? Because honestly, he didn’t want to feel anything anymore. Yet, here was Rhodes looking at him and he felt like a kid whose hand was caught in a cookie jar. “What are you looking at?”

“I’m looking at you. You okay, man? Are you and Pepper okay?”

“Andros…” he said the name out loud, the first time that he ever did and he felt nothing but pain and guilt, endless guilt. “She named him Andros.”

Rhodes nodded once before walking over to the liquor cabinet to fetch his own tumbler and a new bottle of scotch, this would be a long night. “So she told you,” he concluded matter-of-factly, seating himself on a stool beside the Roadster. He poured himself a glass before placing the bottle on the worktable to his right.

“She didn’t. Killian did, somehow.”

“So you found the dossier.” Rhodes caught his eye to apologize, “I’m sorry, Tony. I know you have the right to know, but it wasn’t my story to tell.”

He merely shrugged, waving the apology off. He took a swig then motioned to Rhodes for a refill.

“Did you know that I royally fucked up? I found the dossier sitting in my office before we were supposed to leave and did you know what I did? I kidnapped her. Yeah, I think that was kidnapping. I took her to Dad’s old hideout place.”

“You think you did what? And took her where?”

“That's exactly my point, even you would not have known where to look.” He took another sip of his scotch and tried to ignore the look Rhodes was giving him. “Anyway… I basically kidnapped her, went over 20 on the freeway without realizing she must be having flashbacks of the car crash, and I essentially held her hostage in a cottage in the woods until she agreed to tell me everything.”

He was waiting for Rhodes to berate him, like the older, responsible brother he had always been but the guy merely shook his head in disapproval before taking a sip of his own drink.

“That was really fucked up. Remind me to punch you tomorrow.”

“Yeah… you’re probably justified to a couple or three…” Tony eyed his best friend knowingly, “All things L.A., considered.”

There was a beat, a moment of plain understanding passing between the two. He really did owe Rhodes a lot, didn’t he?

“How is she?”

“She’s… In the end she did tell me everything,” he paused remembering the guilt in her eyes, he rarely saw the twinkle in those blue eyes anymore. “I dropped her off at her place. It’s probably for the best, we could really use some time apart. You should probably check on her.”

“I can’t say that I wouldn’t,” Rhodes looked at him and he nodded in agreement.

After knowing about L.A., it only reiterated the fact that he was lucky to have Rhodes as his best friend. _And he took good care of Pepper, I’m forever in his debt just for that._

“Rhodey…” he began, just because the memory suddenly came to him, “When you couldn’t fly to New York when Peter was born…”

“Pepper needed someone. She was in a really bad place, Tones. It was less than a month, three weeks after the accident and she just got discharged from the hospital and—”

“Thank you.” He clapped Rhodes’ shoulder in gratitude. “At least she had someone… when I clearly failed her when it mattered the most.”

“Don’t say that, you didn’t know.”

“That’s the problem, I _could’ve_ known.” He gulped the contents of his second glass and handed it over to Rhodes for a third refill. “I got the call. It was 3-1-0, I knew it was her or about her but I decided to ignore it. I clearly remember because Mary even asked me if I’d take the call or not.”

“Well, I was actually angry when you wouldn’t pick up the phone.”

Rhodes handed him his glass and he stared at it thoughtfully for a moment.

“If I had answered that call, maybe we didn’t have to spend the last fifteen years apart.” His best friend didn’t make any comment on that for which he was actually grateful, he just wanted to put the thought out there, just to ease his heart’s burden even just for a little bit. And speaking of his heart’s burden, “You know, you had been like a father to that kid, when I never did.” He knew his eyes were starting to well up but he didn’t care. “I wasn’t even there for the woman I love when she lost our child.”

“Tones…”

He simply shook his head and pressed on. He had to let this all out, else his heart would probably stop once and for all.

“Pepper told me about… your yearly visits with her, to the memorial park. I don’t know how to thank you.”

“That…” Rhodes nodded thoughtfully, “You should go with her next time, it’s time you do it with her, _for_ her.”

He simply nodded in agreement. So that’s one thing he owed his son, _that_ son. Peter, on the other hand…

“We haven’t… I haven’t told Peter.”

“That’s tricky.” Rhodes studied him closely, before asking. “What did Pepper say?”

“That we shouldn’t. It wouldn’t change anything and it’s not going to help anyone.”

“Tones, just…” he glanced at Tony making sure he was sober enough to remember this, “Just think about what’s good for Peter before you do anything.”

“Always.”

He began to wonder how Pepper was doing, should he give her a call? Or did she need her space? What exactly were they to each other?

“What if we can’t get past this?” He had said it out loud before he even realized it.

“I don’t know, but you can’t push Pepper away right now.” Rhodes caught his eye, making sure he understood, “Whatever you’re going through, she went through the same thing and now she’s going through it again. You left her alone then, don’t make the same mistake this time.”

He nodded, really hoping that he could find it in his heart to make peace with the fact that she kept the baby from him. He still had no idea how he could be there for her when he himself needed time to process all this. And yet, he loved her and that was the only thing he was certain of right now.

“Come on,” Rhodes handed him another glass, “Tonight’s your free pass. Let’s get drunk.”

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I don't know why this took so long, considering this was pretty much half done by the time the previous chapter went live. So sorry.
> 
> Who am I kidding, I got sidetracked, that's why, about ~7700+ words sidetracked. It's just that an idea came to mind and I cannot do something else until I got that idea out of my system. Anyway, here's that idea, if you will: [Since 2008](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23974381)
> 
> ALSO, I had to edit the time stamp of Pepper's accident from Chapter 10, because silly me, I forgot to account for the time difference. Oh well. So Pepper's accident was 10:55 PM in L.A., and Tony got the call 2:15 AM in New York. There, fixed it. Sorry, just nitpicking, because what else would I do in this quarantine.
> 
> Thank you for the kudos and please, keep the comments coming. Not only do they make my day, but they also fuel the mind. ❤
> 
> PS. The Rhodes Family is the best.
> 
> PPS. It should be full on fluff-uphill-reconciliation phase soon, it has to be. ❤


	13. The Overcorrection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "... but this woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to, and there have been times that I wanted to." —Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's going to be a long read, but I swear, this one's sweet. ❤  
> Also, I've added additional character tags, you'll see why.

**23 years ago, February, Stark Industries NY: **

“Are you new here?”

Fifteen year-old Virginia Potts looked up from her desk to see the infamous Stark heir hovering over her assigned cubicle. It was her first week interning for the PR department of the Stark Industries New York office and just like the many other long-legged stunners before her, her orientation included listening to the motherly reminders of the personal assistants/accountants/receptionists/what have you which essentially boiled down to two simple things – _“Anthony Edward Stark is a good kid and he’s quite the charmer, but he's a notorious playboy so stay away from him.”_

So when he did show up unannounced, although loitering was probably a more accurate way of putting it, at the PR department one Friday afternoon, she knew enough from both the office gossips and the tabloids, too, that a polite smile should be the extent of their entire conversation. She knew right there and then to keep her head down, unless of course she had plans to end up in tomorrow’s tabloids, and silently thanked her lucky stars that it was at least lunchtime and there were very few people in the area. So, she gave him a polite smile then continued sorting through the pile of papers in front of her, hoping that if the rumors about his attention span were indeed true, he would just move on to the next cubicle or office any minute now.

“You’re new. I’ve never seen you here before, although you do look familiar.”

She decided to finally answer his question, just to tell him that yes, she’s new and that she had a ton of paperwork to do, hoping to effectively dismiss him in the end. So she looked back up at him to tell him just that, but what she did not anticipate, however, was that doing so would be a gamechanger to her very _normal_ existence for years to come.

Staring back at her were dark brown eyes that she would, unknowingly and eventually, fall victim to many, many times in the foreseeable future. That, in combination with his expressive brows, perfect nose, chiseled jaw, boyish grin, and perfectly mussed up hair, and she could understand the appeal that the tabloids had been raving about. Not to mention, being quite a genius and the sole heir to the Stark family fortune as well. Still, she wasn’t exactly interested. She just _understood_ the appeal, nothing more, nothing less.

“I’m Tony and you are…” he leaned forward trying to read her badge, “Virginia Potts.” He grinned at her in what she would later learn as his patented I’m-a-charmer-and-I-know-it smile. “Please tell me you have a nickname?”

“I do have one, Mr. Stark,” she smiled amused, politely amused. She stood up to go to the office pantry, which was thankfully empty, to make herself some coffee. He followed her, watching intently.

“Hmm, coffee, no cream, two sugars. Noted, compiling that for future reference.” He was smiling at her, almost as if the I-can’t-believe-you’re-still-here look she was giving him had no effect at all.

“Do you need anything, Mr. Stark?”

“Your nickname? Because I don’t want to call you Virginia, you look too young for that name. No offense.” He smirked at her as he watched her drink her coffee. “And please, Mr. Stark’s my father. Call me Tony.”

“Alright then, Tony. I’m Pepper…” she offered her hand which he took, longer than necessary for your standard handshake. She withdrew her hand politely then started heading back to her workstation, with Tony at her heels. “And I have a lot of work to finish.”

“Pepper… Pepper Potts… Pepper Potts…” he tapped a finger at his temple before having that light-bulb moment. “Aha! I knew you were familiar. Fashion week, you modeled, and let me tell you, you’re a knockout in that green dress.” He wiggled his brows suggestively and she was almost unsure if he was aware of what he was doing.

_He probably is._

“So you do attend Fashion Week, and you remembered me?” That information was… surprising and oddly flattering.

“Well, I do appreciate beauty... and you were quite unforgettable.” He then shifted gears, sensing the awkwardness. “So you’re an intern, college?”

“I’m 15. I’m a high school intern.” When she saw his surprised look, she couldn’t help but feel smug. “I’m a high school intern at Stark Industries because it’s not just shiny hair and legs for days, you know? I’ve an impressive GPA.”

“I never doubted that.” He looked really impressed. “So you’re not only beautiful and sharp, you’re also smart. God, you’re perfect.”

She almost blushed. Okay, she did, a little.

“Anthony…” She was saved from further embarrassment, though, when Maria Carbonell-Stark gracefully walked into the room, clearly wondering where her son had disappeared to for quite some time now. “I was looking for you.”

“Mom, hey.” Tony greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. He narrowed his eyes at the garment bag his mother was carrying before taking it himself. “What have we got here?”

“That’s your suit for tonight’s business dinner with the members of the board. You haven’t forgotten, have you?” his mother was eyeing him knowingly.

“Oh, I’m not going to that.”

 _That was too quick for a reply,_ Pepper thought.

“Anthony…”

“You see the problem is…” he was visibly thinking on his feet and his mother was clearly not buying whatever his excuse would be. “It skipped my mind, I forgot about the dinner… and I already had plans.” He smiled, trying to charm his way out of this one.

“Plans with who?” Maria Stark asked, interested without even a hint of annoyance or exasperation at her son.

“Uhm, my friend…” Tony had pointed at Pepper, his eyes pleading her to just go with it. “Mom, this is Pepper Potts.”

“Hi, nice to meet you, Mrs. Stark,” she gave her a polite smile and offered her hand, which the older woman warmly took clearly amused.

“What are you and Pepper doing?”

“We…” he trailed off, then grabbed The Metropolitan Museum brochure he saw tacked on her cubicle to show to his mother. “We’re going to an evening reception… exhibit opening… tonight.”

“At The Met?” his mother asked incredulously, “I never thought you’re interested in art, Anthony.” She smiled at Pepper knowingly, the way only mothers could do when they wanted to embarrass their sons.

“I am now,” he quipped, glancing at Pepper and throwing her a smirk.

“Well, it will be a very boring dinner anyway, so I guess I just might as well support your newfound appreciation for the _arts_. Let me be the one to deal with your father.” His mother leaned in to kiss his cheek before whispering quite audibly, “Be a gentleman, darling. I’ll wait for you in the car.”

“Always,” he assured her, feigning hurt.

“Very nice to meet you, Pepper,” his mother smiled at her before glancing back at her son, “I like this one, Anthony. Take good care of her.” And with that, Maria Stark left the room leaving the two in awkward silence.

“Thank you… for that...” Tony shyly told her, all swagger and confidence suddenly gone, as soon as he was certain that his mother was out of earshot. “I really don’t want to go to that dinner. They don’t even need me there.”

“Yeah, sure. It’s not a problem really.” She felt bad for him, somehow already getting the feeling that he’s one of those _legacy_ children whose futures were already set in stone long before they could even learn to walk on their own. And in all the time that his mother was here, he didn't seem to be the boy the tabloids had been describing him as. _He does have layers,_ although she shrugged off the thought. “I should really finish my work.”

“Right… and I should really follow my mom, she’s waiting.” He turned on his heels but decidedly stopped by the doorway, giving her that smirk that’s getting very familiar now “So… I’ll pick you up at seven?”

She raised her brows, surprised, intrigued. “You really want to go and just gaze at paintings with some girl you don’t know?”

“Well… it can’t be worse than the girls I _do_ know.” He smiled at her, actually looking sincere this time. “You like art, you’re smart, and have I told you you’re beautiful? It’s going to be fun. I’ll stop by HR to get your address.”

He was gone before she could say anything.

_He’s really something else, isn’t he?_

\---- --- ----

“You know, they’re wrong about you. You, actually, are nice.”

“Who’s _they?_ And you went out with me not knowing if I’m really nice?” Tony asked as they sat at the steps of The Met, just gazing at the surprisingly quiet New York traffic. It was only a few minutes past nine and the night was young, Pepper had enjoyed the exhibit, and all in all they were actually having a pretty good time. Not bad for an impromptu _date_ , that is, if it was really a date.

“The tabloids,” she said matter-of-factly, “You’re actually nice considering you endured the exhibit without complaining or yawning, even once. And you’re different when your mother’s around.”

“What kind of different?”

“Good different,” she reassured him, seeing a small smile creeping in on his face. “Although… I’m not quite sure yet about your other reputation.”

“You mean the playboy image?” He gazed at her as if trying to tell her something. “That’s just it, it’s just an image. I flirt, sure, because we all know I’m charming.” She laughed at that while he just shook his head smiling. “But seriously, hire a private investigator and all you’d uncover is that many women, and men who swing that way, find me charming. Otherwise, you won’t find any record of a serious girlfriend or one-night stand, currently at least.”

“Is that your way of telling me you don’t have a girlfriend?”

“Why, was it subtle enough?”

“No… Not even the tiniest bit subtle.”

“Good. So it’s crystal clear then,” he smiled clearly pleased with himself.

 _There are those brown eyes again_ , she thought. Quick-witted as she was, he was on a different league; she had no response to what he just said so they just let a few moments pass while sitting in comfortable silence. Well, at least until a car pulled over in front of them and he stood up to retrieve a gold box from the backseat of the car.

“Are you hungry?” he asked on his way back, box in hand. “I should probably take you to a nice restaurant since the car’s here anyway, but if you just want to stay here and eat some chocolates, that’ll be fine, too. I mean, the _view’s_ nice.” He was gazing at her the whole time, and he was grinning.

 _The view,_ she thought. _Re_ _ally subtle, Stark. Really subtle._

“Here’s fine. I’m really not that hungry, unless you are, of course.”

“I’m right where I want to be.” She narrowed her eyes at his remark but he just shrugged it off, offering her the box instead. “Here, Mom sent this, it’s her favorite. These are really good, you’ll see why.” He fed her a piece of the chocolate and looked at her expectantly. “Can you guess the secret ingredient?”

“Strawberries…” she gasped as she felt her throat tightened just before her vision clouded, with a panic-stricken Tony as the last thing she remembered.

\---- --- ----

When Pepper finally came to, she found herself at the emergency room unit of Lenox Hill Hospital with Tony keeping watch like a hawk. He looked really exhausted… and guilty, so she offered him a small smile in an attempt to lighten his mood.

“What time is it, Tony?”

She felt relieved that she was at least enunciating the words properly – _great, no tongue or throat swelling and I can at least breathe normally_ – and she went on to inspect her arms and feel her neck and face. She felt a bit warm to touch but everything seemed to be fine, she knew it could’ve been worse after all.

“It’s only a bit past ten,” he said looking really strained, the carefree version of Tony Stark she was only beginning to get a glimpse off at the steps of The Met visibly gone. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” she reassured him trying to ease his guilt. “I’m allergic to strawberries. It’s not your fault, you couldn’t have known.”

“I’m really sorry… and I want you to know that I am never, ever forgetting about it. Compiling that also for future reference.”

He tried for a shy smile and she thought she could improve on that with banter, she noticed that seemed to work for them anyway.

“Well… at least I’m still alive. So… not bad for a first date, I guess.”

He raised his brows, his lips curling up to form a smirk. “So this was a date, a _first_ date.”

“That’s your takeaway? You almost killed me and that’s your takeaway?” She rolled her eyes at him but her smile betrayed her teasing. “Focus up, Tony.”

“No, seriously, do I get a second date?”

“I guess… sure, but I don’t know how you’re going to top this.”

“Well… I did almost kill you, so…”

They shared a good laugh and she noted that those dark brown eyes looked even more beautiful then. _He even looked younger right now, more his age_ , she thought although further reflection on the matter was interrupted when his mother pushed the cubicle’s curtains open. Tony’s laughter immediately caught his mother’s attention and Pepper couldn’t help but notice that his mother seemed… glad, almost as if the sight of Tony laughing was a rarity on its own.

“Mrs. Stark, I’m so sorry—”

“No worries. It’s alright.” Maria Stark raised a hand to wave her half-formed apology off. “Anthony called me, and I was more than willing to leave my husband to his business partners anyway. Although he did look very much unconvinced when I told him it was an emergency call from a hospital, he probably thought it was just a ploy to get myself out of that dinner,” she mused. “I’ve talked to your doctor, you can go home now, but you must go back anytime that you’re feeling a similar reaction.” She then turned to lightly touch the side of her son’s face. “I’ll have the driver bring the car around, whenever you two are ready.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Stark.” Pepper was blushing, because for the love of all things holy, she couldn’t believe Tony called his mother just for this.

“Don’t mention it, and I expect Anthony to make up for this unfortunate incident by planning a better second date.”

“Mom…” Tony whined but his mother only smiled knowingly and left to wait for them in the car.

“And you also introduced me to your mother, on the first date,” she told him, breaking the ice after his mother had left. “I really don’t know how you’re going to top this.”

“Well.. technically, I introduced you to Mom at the office.” He gazed at her intensely, more intense than she would have preferred but also somehow oddly comforting. “But you’ll see, Pepper. I am full of surprises.”

She knew right there and then, Tony Stark would really be the death of her.

\---- --- ----

When she did go back to the office the following Monday, she found her paperwork sitting on her desk, completely finished and ready for submission. Next to it was a cup of coffee, still warm actually, with a note which read “NO CREAM, 2 SUGARS;” three boxes of EpiPen with corresponding notes telling her that one of the boxes was to be placed in her bag, the other one to be left at home, and the remaining one to be left here at her cubicle; and a bouquet of peonies with the following note:

> _“I don’t know what your favorite flower is, but I saw you at the Fashion Week holding peonies so I guess it’s safe to assume that you at least are not allergic to it. Hope you’re feeling better, I’m really sorry. Also, take the day off, your report’s already finished after all." - T.S._

That was actually a sweet gesture and sure there were butterflies, there had been a lot of butterflies. But when she went down to the company cafeteria for some snacks the following day, she noticed a company memo informing everyone that the cafeteria would no longer be serving anything with strawberry in it in the foreseeable future.

That’s the first time she learned that a guilty Tony Stark could really go overboard when left to his own devices. She found it a bit too much, but she simply shrugged it off.

* * *

** Present day, February, Stark Industries NY: **

It had been over two weeks since Pepper had last seen or heard from Tony and according to his assistant, he was away on personal business. There was radio silence from his end, which she hated the most, but she knew that he needed some time, he told her that much when he dropped her off from Cornwall after all. Rhodes could not give her any information either as he was back in Washington already, but he did assure her that Tony was, by every definition of the word, fine. The kid, Peter, did drop by in her office from time to time just to say hello but he made no indication that anything was amiss with his father, so she could not bring herself to ask the boy either. So she let Tony be, she did not call nor leave him messages, not wanting to intrude on his introspection, if that was what he had been up to anyway.

The thing that had been bothering her was this – it had been over two weeks of daily flower deliveries to her office with note cards only bearing his initials (just T.S., nothing more, nothing less), every day without fail for the past almost three weeks. Fine, initially it was thoughtful, she even thought it was probably because he might have already forgiven her, but it wasn’t only flowers. Happy had been insisting he drive her to and from work every day as well and when she said no, the man merely said, “Please. Tony says so.” So when she walked into her office this morning only to find another bouquet of peonies with the usual note card which only said “T.S.,” she had a feeling she knew what was going on.

One might argue that Tony was probably just being thoughtful, because when he really did put his mind to it, he could actually be a pretty sweet guy. But given the most recent events – read: Pepper telling him about L.A. and Tony simply listening, neither processing nor discussing anything after – she knew this was not the usual run-of-the-mill Tony Stark thoughtfulness. Whenever awful things happened and he did think it was his fault directly or otherwise, Tony always had a tendency towards overcorrection, and Pepper did notice the telltale signs resurfacing.

Her mind wandered back to the first time she met Tony, which was also their first date, which concluded in the emergency room department of Lennox Hill Hospital after she had an allergic reaction from the chocolates he had given her which apparently had strawberry in it. He had been thoughtful afterwards, yes, but pulling a lot of strings to instigate a company-wide memo instructing the cafeteria to cease serving anything with strawberry in it just because a then intern, who went on a date with the then CEO’s son _once_ , was allergic was pretty overkill. Granted that the memo did not specify the whys of it, that was still _too much,_ even if that eased Tony’s guilty feelings somehow. Side note, she should probably look into that memo anyway, have that revoked or something, but she filed that thought for later.

The first time that he had ever cheated on her, she remembered him pulling all the stops because he was (there’s the word again) guilty. The house was filled with bouquets and bouquets of peonies, he cooked breakfast that was way too much for two people, and he made spur-of-the-moment reservations to Venice – only stopping when she finally asked, _“What did you do?”_

Of course, his most crucial overcorrection to date, not her words but Rhodes’ words, was when he had gotten married to a woman he barely knew beyond social niceties because he had fathered her child.

 _Don’t go there, not that thought_ , Pepper chided herself.

She sat on her desk contemplating what to do. If she let Tony be, this would fester and he would deflect and not deal with this – his guilt, her guilt, the past – for as long as he could until something would happen and this would all blow up in their faces, sooner or later. She glanced at the rows of peonies occupying one side of her office and she knew, right there and then, this had to stop. She took out her phone to send him a message, the first in the last almost three weeks; his reply was almost instantaneous.

> _PP: I know what you’re doing, but it's not going to make our problems go away. Please stop._  
>  _TS: Not yet._

She sighed in frustration and decided to preoccupy herself instead with the day’s work.

\---- --- ----

Peter woke up late that day, so after a quick shower and getting dressed in record-time, he slung his backpack over his shoulder and ran down the stairs taking it two steps at a time. He had almost made it to the door when he heard his father calling out from the kitchen.

“Alright, kid, not so fast.”

That made him backtrack, although a bit reluctantly. He was running late after all but since his father just got back from a three-week business trip, it would just be too cruel not to greet him. Plus, Peter was anything but impolite.

“Hey, Dad. When did you get in? How’s your trip?” He watched his father go about the kitchen preparing sandwiches and brown bags and utensils and water bottles. “Are those for me?”

“So many questions, so early in the morning,” his father teased good-naturedly.

“Well, I’m going to SI this afternoon, we can catch up then but I’m really running late so—”

“Come on,” Tony grabbed the bag of food and his keys then motioned for Peter to follow him, “I’ll drive you to school.”

“Okay… But why did you make me lunch? And why are you driving me to school?”

“You said you’re running late, and I drive fast,” Tony countered while waiting for the kid to get in the car. “And seatbelt, please, and here’s your goodie bag. The sandwich is for lunch and the bagel is your breakfast, you can start eating it now.” He handed Peter the brown bag which the kid eyed curiously before he asked, “How’s school?”

“The usual… exams, decathlon practice, band practice, then internship,” Peter enumerated automatically.

“Come on, Pete. Tell me all about it, spare me no details.”

Peter furrowed his brows in confusion, blurting out an incredulous “Why?” before he even realized it.

“Because I want to know all about it,” Tony stated matter-of-factly.

“There’s nothing new, Dad. School’s been… uneventful, lately.”

“I'm sure you'll think of something. Try me, Pete.”

There was a pause, then Peter decided he might as well ask, because while his dad's actually the best (in his opinion), this was most definitely not their default setting.

“Why are you in Super Dad Mode?” Peter asked, or more accurately accused, while he narrowed his eyes at his father suspiciously. “Why are you being weird?”

“Nobody’s being weird,” Tony answered patiently. “And I’m not in Super Dad Mode, whatever that means. I just wanted to drive you to school, prepare your lunch, and catch up.”

“Okay…” the kid muttered unconvinced. “So, what happened in L.A.?”

Tony almost slammed the brakes so hard, almost. He slowly counted to five before carefully stepping on the gas as he answered Peter’s question, “L.A.?”

“Weren’t you just in L.A.?” Peter asked in between bites of his bagel. “You know, in the last three weeks.”

 _Oh, that._ Tony breathed a sigh of relief. _Of course, Peter’s not asking about fifteen years ago. He doesn't even know about fifteen years ago. Get it together, Stark._

“I just visited… someone that I should’ve met years ago. The rest was purely business.” Tony then decided to try for a different topic in the hopes that Peter would not pursue questioning what his trip was about, because I-secretly-visited-the-grave-of-the-half-brother-you-didn’t-know-about was not exactly a topic he wanted to discuss. “I’ll pick you up after school, then I’ll drop you off at SI.”

“Why are you picking me up? Aren’t you going to go to work?” Peter eyed him closely, obviously noticing he was dressed too casually for the office. Well, he _did_ show up at SI wearing jeans, band shirt, and leather jacket from time to time, but still…

“I’m working from home.”

_How come this kid never runs out of questions? And why is the campus suddenly so far?_

“But you like going to work,” Peter argued. It wasn't even a question, the kid was stating it as a fact he sounded so sure of.

“Not really.”

“You do, Dad. Ever since Ms. Potts became CEO, you like going to SI.” Peter’s eyes suddenly went wide, “Are you avoiding her? Are you guys fighting? Is that why you went away for three weeks? You’re still together, right?”

“No one’s avoiding anyone, and Pepper and I are definitely _not_ fighting.”

_Not like that anyway. Patience, Stark, patience._

Mercifully, at last, they entered the school grounds and Tony pulled over at the parking lot. He made a move to get out of the car while Peter was collecting his bag, but the kid called his attention.

“Where are you going, Dad?”

“I’m going to walk you to your lobby.”

“Dad, I’m not a third grader,” Peter whined. “Again, you’re in Super Dad Mode.”

Tony chose to ignore it, and waited for Peter instead to get out of the car to walk the kid up to the school’s lobby. So _maybe_ he’s in ‘super dad mode,’ but he was just… trying to catch up with the kid, probably.

 _You know you're overcorrecting, overcompensating for your guilt over your paternal shortcomings with your other son_ , his brain helpfully supplied.

“Have you invited Ms. Potts to the Cardiac Ball?” Peter interrupted his thoughts and seeing what was probably a blank look on his face, went on explaining while they walked towards the school’s lobby. “Cardiac Ball, Dad. This Friday, just three days before Valentine’s Day. Grandma’s foundation is hosting it, for the benefit of pediatric cardiac patients.”

He realized he really needed to go over his schedule with his assistant soon. “I’m sure she’s going, Pete. She’s SI’s CEO, of course she’s going.”

“Yeah, but are you going _together?_ That’s the point I'm asking about, Dad," Peter broke it down for him quite impatiently.

Damn, this was harder than he thought. He still had not processed everything yet, not to mention that Pepper’s most likely not ready to deal with him, and now that he’s back in New York naturally Peter’s expecting them to be together. Well, it’s not like they were broken up anyway, they weren’t, not exactly. They were on a _break_ , because he needed time to think and to process and to forgive and be forgiven… and Pepper, well, she had not exactly made a move to talk to him either after he low-key _kidnapped_ her. Not that he could blame her, really, if she did not want to be alone with him. But this, whatever this situation was, he could actually use it to his advantage to at least _persuade_ her to spend time with him, because the bottom-line was he missed her, he missed her so much it actually hurt. He sighed, somehow feeling the actual pain of her absence from his life in the last few weeks.

“Okay, I’ll talk to her this lunch if it will shut you up,” he tried to sound resigned, but he was actually already making plans in his head.

“Okay,” the kid at least sounded pleased. “Go to work, Dad, and don’t pick me up from school, I’ll see you at SI.”

“Wait, are _you_ bringing someone to the Cardiac Ball? Perhaps someone with the initials of...” he trailed off, teasing the kid, knowing full well there was actually someone the kid had been crushing on. “We could double date.”

Peter was blushing and wasn't that an adorable sight. Also, Tony couldn't help but feel old, his kid's growing up so fast.

“I'm not sure, Dad. I don't think that's her kind of scene anyway.”

“Well, you wouldn't know unless you try. Just ask Pepper how we met, you'll be surprised.” He smiled at Peter thoughtfully. “When you actually like something... or someone... you go for it, right?”

“Okay...” Peter answered noncommittally. "But follow your own advice, Dad. I'll see you later."

He nodded, waving as the kid disappeared behind the doors, his thoughts drifting back to Pepper. He decided that he just needed to talk to her and that was it. Just because he wasn't ready to talk to her about _that,_ it did not have to mean that they should spend the time apart, right? Right, not anymore.

\---- --- ----

True to his word, Tony did decide to talk to Pepper, that was why he found himself on his way up to the floor his and Pepper’s offices shared, salad bowl in hand and just in time for lunch. Shortly after, the elevators opened and he strolled directly to Bambi’s desk.

“Bambi, hi.” He greeted Pepper’s assistant, flashing her that megawatt Stark-patented smile. “Is Pepper in?”

“Ms. Potts is finishing up a meeting in the conference room, but she should be done in ten minutes,” then without prodding, Bambi added, “And she actually has the rest of the afternoon to herself, no further meetings scheduled for later.”

“You’re the best, Bambi. I’ll wait inside, don’t tell her though, I wanted to surprise her with lunch,” he proudly motioned at the salad bowl in his hand. “Also, can you block her Friday night? For the Cardiac Ball. Please tell the same to my assistant. Thank you.” He flashed her one more smile before stepping inside Pepper’s office.

The first thing he saw when he came in was the rows and rows of peonies lining her book shelves on one side of the office, and he realized that was probably why Pepper angry-texted him that morning. And yes, he might be overdoing it. Again.

The second thing he noticed was that single bouquet of white calla lilies which stood out from all the rest, not because it was the only non-peonies bouquet but because he was absolutely certain that he never sent her those. He narrowed his eyes deep in thought, _What, just three weeks away and already I have competition?_ He approached the flowers and picked up the card that came with the calla lilies to see who the sender was – it was Killian, telling her how sorry he was. He felt his heart break, and he decided at that moment that they really should be spending some time together, never mind if they were on a break or not. He just needed to _persuade_ her properly, choose his words wisely.

“Can I help you with anything, Mr. Stark?”

_She called me Mr. Stark, she’s probably angry._

He took a moment to rearrange his features, summoning that ever reliable Stark charm, before facing her, bracing himself for what’s to come because she basically caught him red-handed. In her office.

“Killian’s sending you I’m-sorry-I’ve-been-a-jerk calla lilies now?” He waved the card for her to see and he realized he sounded accusatory when she raised a perfectly-shaped eyebrow at him, so he toned it down a bit. “Who sends apology flowers anyway?”

She smiled at him, that cold, menacing smile he knew she usually reserved for overbearing and entitled corporate jerks and investors. “Humans who are actually regular people and aren’t named Stark.”

“I’m not regular, you know that.” He gestured at the rows of peonies behind him. “Also, aren’t peonies your favorite flower?”

“You just assumed that.”

“And it became _our_ thing. I _knew_ they became your favorite because of _me_.” He smiled at her, _Two can play at this game, Potts_. “Why didn’t you throw the lilies away?”

“Because I haven’t seen them, until now.”

 _Oh. Now I’m just a green-eyed jerk_ , he thought.

She was still smiling at him, and he honestly could not tell much because that smile was both half patient and half exasperated. He took the bouquet of lilies and motioned at the bin just beside the shelves.

“I’m throwing this away.” It wasn’t a question, he was merely _informing_ her.

She just shrugged and went to sit behind her desk, watching him as he tossed the lilies in the bin. She did not exactly look angry, but would it hurt her to actually look glad that he was back?

“What are you doing here, Tony?”

 _So it’s ‘Tony’ now, alright._ That one, yeah, he came with a good alibi. He approached her desk and seated himself comfortably in one of the visitor chairs at the other end of her desk, salad bowl still clutched in his arms.

“So… I made some salad—”

“I’m going to stop you right there because _you_ don’t make _salad_.” She was eyeing him knowingly now. “You and salad don’t mesh.”

“Fine. I had it delivered, but it’s a generous serving for two and I just happened to find myself in your office and I thought that—”

“So you just _found_ yourself in _my_ office?” She smiled at him, genuinely this time. He had to admit she was winning this anyway. “Why can’t you just be a normal person and admit that you wanted to see me?”

“Okay, fine, I missed you. There, I said it.” He placed the salad bowl in front of her before leaning his elbows on her table. “And in my abundance of time alone in the past weeks, I had a chance to think…”

“About?”

“Us, Pepper. About us.” This was it, he had to ask that million-dollar question at some point anyway. “What are we? We didn’t break up, right? Please tell me we didn’t. We are just on a _break_ , and that doesn’t mean we broke up, right? Those two are different.”

“I’m also not sure what we are, Tony, but I guess we’re on a break.” She must have seen his face fell because she added as an afterthought, “You wanted it. You said you needed time and space.”

“I know what I said.” _But I don’t want to lose you, too_. Still, he didn’t want to tell her that, because he didn’t want her knowing that he would be willing to chase her forever, he was getting tired of it all. “But I missed you and I want us to spend some time together, _a lot_ of times together, but I don’t want to talk about… what happened. At least not for now.”

“Tony… you know we can’t just get back together and pretend it—”

“Hear me out, Pep. I know what you’re saying, but I miss you and at the same time I don’t know how to forgive you just yet.” He closed his eyes not wanting to see the look on her face because she was probably outraged that she was the one that needed forgiving.

“So you can’t forgive _me_ … just yet.” She wasn’t outraged at all and it surprised him. He looked at her and she just seemed sad.

“Have _you_ forgiven _me?_ ” he asked and seeing Pepper smile at him sadly practically confirmed what he knew all along. “That’s what I thought.”

A quiet moment passed, but his main takeaway from that silence was that at least they were communicating this time. They weren’t at each other’s throats, there was no shouting, no scornful remarks, no anger, no tears. It was just them trying to navigate this… whatever this was. He drummed his fingers on the table and he knew she hated it when he did that, so he was not surprised at all when she broke the impasse.

“So what do you want to do? Because I’m pretty sure you didn’t come here today just to eat salad with me for lunch,” she asked in an attempt to lighten the mood, “And as you said, we are on a break.”

He had thought about this well, and granted that the idea just came to him this morning, he knew what he wanted anyway. He wanted her, all of her and nothing of this nonsense break that he had so stupidly, apparently suggested. Problem was, he also knew that she wouldn’t want to be with him until he addressed that big elephant in the room they had brought home with them from Cornwall, and _that_ he couldn’t deal with, at least not now. He missed her though, he missed her so much it was killing him. Plus, he knew he had to stay in her orbit while they try to move past what happened, because if the calla lilies from that morning were any indication, the most stupid advice to believe in right now would be ‘ _absence makes the heart grow fonder.’_ That was a complete bullshit.

So how would he be able to spend time with Pepper _and_ avoid having to talk about L.A. at the same time? The answer was very simple, he realized, and it had been staring him in the face the whole time.

 _Use the Peter card_ , his genius brain suggested.

Boy, he knew he’d be burning in parent hell for this, but, you know, desperate times… Besides, when did he shy away from the ready-fire-aim mode anyway? Never.

“I understand that you need your space…” he carefully treaded, gauging her reaction, “And that I also, maybe, need that space. But…”

“Just get to the point, Tony.”

“Peter’s asking about you, and just this morning he asked me if we are fighting or if we are avoiding each other, or if we are still together, because apparently he noted we are not like how we used to be, after Connecticut, that is.” He avoided looking her directly in the eye because she would probably catch him if he did and he pressed on before she could interrupt him. “And since it was your idea that we do not tell Peter about his brother—”

“Excuse me?”

“What? I’m pretty sure it was your idea. I clearly remember—”

She glared at him and he knew that if he wanted to win the war, he should be able to afford losing this particular battle.

“As I was saying…” he began to amend it, “Since _we_ thought it best not to tell Peter about his, uhm… brother, we cannot just go on a break without any explanation or reason as to why we are taking a break.” He noted that she was narrowing her eyes at him and her lips had formed a thin, straight line, and he knew he was a few steps away from getting reprimanded, for some reason. “And since we do not want to break the kid’s heart until nothing’s final between us, can we at least keep up appearances for now? What if we work things out in the end anyway? There’s no point in getting the kid upset over nothing.”

_Odds are, we’re going to work things out in the end, right? It’s not a matter of if, but when. Right?_

She seemed to be giving his proposal some consideration but really, if she said no that would just be too cruel to the kid. So basically, Tony knew that he had her.

“You’re cute, trying to hide behind Peter when it’s as clear as day that you’re just deflecting.” She crossed her arms in front of her and pushed to roll her chair back a bit giving him a perfect view of her long, slender legs that were beautifully crossed at the knees, accentuated by those four-inch heels. “Eyes up, Tony.”

_Was she distracting me? God, she’s good._

“No… I’m not deflecting.” _That much_. “It’s for the kid. You should’ve seen him when I told him I’m not chasing after you anymore on the day of the wedding, and you’ve seen first-hand how he’s rooting for us.” _That part’s true anyway._

“Tony, I don’t know. It’s not going to make our problems go away.”

“Humor me, Pep. Please?”

Her shoulders sagged and her posture relaxed a bit, and he knew he had her putty in his hands.

“Fine,” she conceded, “But only when Peter’s around—”

“And the press, too.”

“—and while we’re trying to work things out.”

He grinned at her, and boy, he hadn’t felt this victorious since he first asked her out on a date to The Met. So what if he might have to woo her again, at this point he’d do anything. Pepper, on the other hand, merely rolled her eyes.

_Really, Potts, you’re playing hard to get. You wanted this, too, obviously._

“So, we’re attending the Cardiac Ball together this Friday, right? Peter will be there. I’ll pick you up at seven, and please let me know what color you’re wearing so I can match my pocket square. It will be our public debut as a couple, too, might as well look dapper.”

“You’re enjoying this. Why are you enjoying this?” She didn’t even try to look annoyed and Tony counted that as a win.

“It’s good PR, too, Pep, what’s not to love?” He smirked at her and he decided to push the envelope further. “You’re spending the weekend at the house, right? After the party.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because it’s Valentine’s weekend, it’s suspicious if we’re not together.” This was even turning out better than he expected, he should probably buy Peter a present at some point.

“Wouldn’t that be awkward? I’m sorry, this is like—”

“A couple trying to stave off divorce, trying to make it work because of the kid? I know, been there, Potts. The difference is we actually still want to be around each other.” He sensed that he had made things awkward, he really should choose his talking points better next time. “Anyway… so terms? How about we go out for coffee on weekday mornings on our way to work, then date night Fridays. Or you know—”

“I thought only when Peter’s around, Tony.”

“And the press, too.”

“And the press,” she agreed.

“How about brunch on weekends, though? That’s less romantic than date night Fridays, if you don’t feel like doing that.”

She gave him that smile again, the kind she reserved for investors she didn’t like dealing with.

“I do not negotiate with low-key kidnappers, Tony, especially ones from Cornwall.”

That caught him off-guard, and yes, he should really apologize for that anyway.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I really am. You should know, Rhodey punched me because of that. Three times.”

“And?”

She looked amused, and he thought he would take as many punches as he could if only to make her happy again.

“And I deserved those,” he admitted. “But did you like the flowers, though? They could be I’m-sorry-for-kidnapping-you flowers, too. You can expect them coming until forever.”

“They’re a good gesture.”

“That’s it?” he tried to feign hurt but he knew she was not buying it anyway. “Please, you can be generous with your adjectives, Potts.”

“Nice?”

“You wound me, Pep.”

“They’re beautiful and thoughtful,” she reached out to give his hand a reassuring squeeze and he hadn’t realized he had been craving her touch for a while now. “But you and I both know you’re overcorrecting, and deflecting.” She searched his eyes and he knew he could not hide any longer. “Where were you in the last three weeks?”

“Los Angeles.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He noticed that she had not let go of his hand, and he decided to hold on to her, for as long as she would allow him to.

“Yes, but not now. Eventually though.”

She nodded quietly, understanding. He knew she would wait for him to come to her, no matter how long it took, but all he really wanted right now was for them to be together. Eventually, he knew they’d forgive each other, too, but he also knew that the odds of that ending with them together would be dismal if they continued with this ridiculous break. And he could not afford that, he could not gamble with that.

He stood up to press a kiss on her cheek before leaving her office.

“I’ll see you on Friday, Pep… and thank you.”

\---- --- ----

He stepped out of her office and when he spotted Bambi, he suddenly remembered something. He was a very thorough man after all.

“Bambi, the next time somebody delivers flowers from Aldrich Killian, just don’t accept it, or throw it away, I don’t care. Ms. Potts doesn’t like receiving such, she actually made me throw away today’s calla lilies.”

“Of course, Mr. Stark, no problem.” Bambi smiled knowingly at him.

He muttered a thank you and he had barely made it to the elevators when his phone buzzed, Rhodes was on the other end. He picked it up grinning, _James Rhodes right on schedule._

“I was expecting your call five minutes ago, you know, as soon as I stepped out of Pepper’s office. What took you so long, Honeybear?"

“Well, she did send me a message that you’re back and that you’re overcorrecting, and deflecting, again. Really, you used the Peter card? I can’t believe you.”

“You know, I’m starting to wonder who’s your real best friend here. Pepper or me? Pepper or me?”

“Tones…”

“Fine. It’s Pepper. Anyway… I’m not.” He paused, trying to think how to best say it without sounding so defensive. “I did persuade her that we keep up appearances, you know, for Peter’s sake. Just until we’re trying to work things out. There’s no point in upsetting the kid over something we all know will work out in the end anyway.” He sighed, really hoping he was as confident as he sounded. “Plus, you’re the one who told me never to leave her alone again.”

“Persuade or bully?”

“Really? That’s what you’re most concerned about?” Because honestly, he was expecting an earful from Rhodes.

“Persuade or bully?”

“Persuade.”

“You know, Tones, when you pick on someone who’s smaller than you, that’s not persuasion. You’re a bully.”

“Am not. Besides, Pepper is taller than me,” he blurted out before he even realized it, so yes, he had to do some damage control else his best friend would never let him live it down. “By half an inch.”

“With or without the heels?”

He could practically hear the airman laughing from the other end of the line.

“I refuse to answer your question. Good bye, Honeybear.”

\---- --- ----

Tony was running late, tonight of all nights, for reasons that were completely beyond his control. He had sent Happy ahead to drive Peter and his date to the Cardiac Ball, and he planned to pick up Pepper on the way, but something exploded in R&D and they needed his help. Typical day in the life of Tony Stark.

So by the time he pulled over in front of The Met, she was already there, standing at the steps and waiting for him like she always did, like what she had done in the last two decades. And always, always, she took his breath away.

She was in this stunning long-sleeved, v-neck, grey lace gown with a silk-draped front and a sheer skirt, which perfectly highlighted her small waist and her long, slim legs. She was wearing her hair down in loose waves which, along with diamond dangle earrings, perfectly framed her face. She was gorgeous and for a minute there he simply stood at the bottom of the steps in awe. He knew he had always been a very lucky man.

“You’re late,” she greeted him with feigned impatience.

“You know… that dress is not fair.” He smiled at her before leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek. “You’re such a knockout, Potts. Always.”

“You always know what to say, don’t you?” She glanced at his grey silk pocket square and smiled approvingly. “And you did find the right shade of grey. Good job, you.”

He wanted to kiss her senseless, to put his arms around her, but all he was allowed to at the moment was stare, and God knows he could look at her all night.

“Dad, Ms. Potts,” Peter interrupted, kissing Pepper on the cheek as he greeted them, “I would like you to meet my friend, Michelle Jones.”

“Nice to meet you, Michelle. You look beautiful,” Pepper greeted her, admiring the burgundy embroidered tiered dress the girl was wearing.

“Thank you, Ms. Potts. Please, call me MJ.”

“I’m so glad you could join us, MJ,” Tony joined in, throwing Peter a knowing smirk. “Please, tell us how Peter managed to convince you to go tonight.”

Peter whined, “Dad…” but nobody really took pity on him.

“Well, he did ask nicely, at first…” MJ began and Tony couldn’t help but think that she had the best poker face he had ever seen, he couldn’t help but be curious at how these two would eventually pan out. “And then he basically guilt-tripped me into going, ‘MJ, it’s for kids needing heart surgery,’” she said in that perfectly adorable imitation of Peter that the boy couldn’t help but blush.

“Well, just for that I like you already,” Tony chimed in, giving the kids an approving look.

“Dad, please stop. Don’t embarrass me any further.” Peter begged, and Tony almost ruffled his hair. Almost.

“Pep, do you remember our first date? It’s right here at the steps,” Tony asked without preamble. It just occurred to him, and had he and Pepper been in a better place in their relationship right now, he would have thought they had come full circle. The steps of The Met had held one of his fondest memories after all.

“How could I forget? You never got to top that after all.” It was an old joke, but still very true.

“Your first date was here?” Peter asked clearly interested.

“Half of it,” Tony almost chuckled at the memory, but he could still clearly remember the panic. “Half of it was at the ER at Lennox Hill.”

“Your dad almost killed me, fed me with strawberries,” Pepper teased to answer Peter’s inquiring look.

“But I did introduce you to Mom that day, though.”

“You took her to meet Grandma on the first date?” Peter looked at his father with wide eyes, something Pepper thought could not be further possible for those big brown eyes.

“Why not? You took MJ to meet us on the first date,” Tony smirked at Peter who looked so embarrassed already, “A Stark through and through.”

“Dad…” the boy whined, but realizing it was probably a lost cause arguing, he turned to MJ instead. “Do you want to go inside? Please? Before Dad could embarrass me any further.”

“Off you go, kids. We’ll join you in a while,” Tony assured them, watching as the two went ahead. “You know, Pep, I like MJ. From what Peter has told me, she’s a really smart kid, spunky, too.”

“Well, I’m not surprised that Peter likes her,” Pepper said thoughtfully, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree after all.”

“Care to elaborate?” he asked, offering his arm and they began to walk towards the Great Hall.

“Please, it’s elementary, Tony. Long-legged pretty girls who are taller than you, I’d say smarter than you, and who can keep up with your wit? You Stark boys are so predictable.”

He didn’t have an answer to that. He would have wanted to protest the height comment, but Pepper Potts had probably just uncovered for him the Stark Boys equation, and honestly, he thought truer words had never been spoken.

\---- --- ----

“Thank you all for coming. It is with great pleasure that I welcome you all to this year’s Cardiac Ball, sponsored by The Maria Stark Foundation…”

Tony paused, basking in that warm feeling he would always have whenever speaking in behalf of his mother’s charity. It was the closest thing he had left of her, and somehow, it had always made him feel warm and safe, just like his mother did.

“My mom was a very generous woman and she also had the biggest heart I had ever known. Perhaps, the truest testament of her unconditional love was the fact that she made it work with Dad in spite of his flaws, and we all know he had a lot of those, and that she believed that I could be the man that I am now in spite of my spectacular past…”

He searched for Pepper and when he finally saw her gazing at him proudly, he pocketed the cards outlining his prepared speech and he just held her gaze instead, the surrounding world dimming and allowing him to see her in greater clarity, as if his senses were attuned to her and only her.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, if there was one thing that Mom had taught me, it's that you don’t just give up on the people you love. Even if the overwhelming odds are stacked against you, even then, especially then. No matter how hard the battle becomes, no matter how long it takes, no matter how painful it gets. You only have one life to live, one heart to give, but the love you can offer – it’s boundless…”

He saw her smiling and raising a glass of champagne for him, and he knew at that moment, they would get past everything, somehow, eventually. He nodded at her, before returning his gaze to address the whole crowd.

“So I hope that for tonight, our generosity for these cardiac patients would also know no limits. Let’s go save some hearts. Enjoy the night.”

\---- --- ----

“It was a lovely speech,” she told him, meeting him halfway once he had descended the platform.

Seeing her up-close, the way her smile actually reached her eyes, he knew he did something right tonight.

“I have to say, it was inspired by the moment.” _You have to know, it was you... all you._

“Mr. Stark?” Right on cue, one of the organizers had approached him tearing through the moment. “The program head is requesting if maybe you and Ms. Potts could start the dancing? The press were also requesting some photos.”

“Of course,” he automatically answered, taking Pepper’s hand in his as he led her to the middle of the dance floor. He placed one hand on the small of her back, fighting the urge to pull her closer as they swayed to the band’s music. She was beautiful, but this close, she was blinding, and he couldn’t take her eyes off of her. “I’m sorry, about the press.”

“It’s okay.”

_“We're not the same, dear, as we used to be,_  
_“The seasons have changed and so have we,_  
_“There was little we could say, and even less that we could do,_  
_“To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you,”_

“Pep, can I tell you something? Something that I’m really scared about.” He caught her gaze and when she nodded quietly, he pressed on. “You know sometimes I wonder, what if I can’t just let it go? When you lied to me about the baby—”

“I’m sorry…” she whispered, trying to avoid his gaze.

“And then you almost married Killian just because—”

“Because I thought that would be easier to forgive, than what I did,” she cut in, shaking her head as if trying to clear her thoughts. “I would say I’m sorry again about everything, but in my head that just sounds inadequate. And you know after everything that happened, after I came back to New York I keep thinking that if things get too hard, eventually you’ll give up on me. But you never do.”

“And I never will,” he whispered wanting to kiss her if only to reassure her, but he couldn’t, because he knew she wouldn’t allow him to. “Not this time. If you really need me, I’m here now. Always.”

“You’re the love of my life, Tony…” she sighed, the pain from all those years clearly evident to him now, “I guess I just thought back then that I was yours, too.”

“Pepper, you were, you are…”

She bit her lip, visibly trying to stifle an immense need to break down.

“Hey... what is it, Pep?”

“I think we need to deal with things alone, on our own…”

“No…” he shook his head, pulling her closer to him as if he was worried she was going to leave right there and then. “I left you alone to deal with that loss for far too long, I’m never leaving you alone again.”

“You have to promise me one thing, though,” she gazed at him, her blue eyes practically begging him, “That until we could really forgive each other, we cannot just jump back into the relationship again. We’ve already tried and failed twice, but if we ever do try again, that will be it.”

“So _when_ that time comes, we better be sure, give it our best shot,” he agreed, knowing they could only get so many chances after all. “So where does that leave us?”

He was worried she would want to leave, and he didn’t want to lose her again, he couldn’t afford to lose her again.

“I don’t know… We can keep doing what we’re doing but until then… I don’t know.”

He could live with that, for now. She’s not leaving, and if he had to woo and pursue her all over again, he’d do anything, he’d give anything just to win her back.

“Pep… I still—”

She cut him off, placing a finger on his lips before he could even say: _Pep, I still love you._

“I know, me too.” _I love you._

He did not know how long they swayed there, but when the press had somehow retreated and more of the crowd had joined in polite dancing, he heard her whisper through his ear:

“The cameras… they’re gone. You can let go now.”

“I know... but I don’t want to,” he whispered back pulling her closer just as he felt her arm looped around his neck before she rested the side of her head against his.

_“And when spring arrived,_  
_“We were taken by surprise when the floes under our feet bled into the sea,_  
_“And nothing was left for you and me,”_

From the other side of the dance floor, the younger Stark couldn’t take his eyes off of Michelle Jones as they sway to the music.

“Thank you…” Peter shyly muttered.

“For what?”

“I don’t know, for giving my world a try?” He shrugged noncommittally although he did try to stifle a grin.

“Well, after you guilt-tripped me into going, how could I say no?” She must have seen the hesitation in Peter’s face and MJ was not exactly cruel. “It’s okay, Peter. You’re world’s pretty cool, too.”

He grinned appreciatively before his eyes strayed off to see his father in quiet conversation with Pepper Potts in the middle of the dance floor. He had noticed a few things – like Pepper staying in her apartment after they got back from Connecticut, his father suddenly leaving for L.A. and never asking about her whenever he would call Peter, his dad not bothering to stop at SI to see her until he actually badgered him about it the day his dad drove him to school – but he chose to ignore those things, because somehow they appeared okay, at times. But right now, as he watched them, he couldn’t help but feel that something was amiss.

“What’s on your mind, nerd?” MJ prodded him when she caught him staring at the two adults.

“You know they can try to make it look like everything’s okay, but I feel like they’re fighting about something.”

“And what do you think they’re fighting about?” She was observing the other couple now, too.

“Basically, it’s how each one loves the other more than the other.”

“How do you even fight about that?” MJ asked, furrowing her brows.

“I honestly don’t know,” he glanced back at MJ, the gears in his head working double time, “I have an idea, but I think I’m going to need your help.”

_“The ice was getting thinner, under me and you...”_

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🎧 The Ice is Getting Thinner by Death Cab for Cutie, for the charity ball.
> 
> I hoped you enjoyed this palate cleanser of a chapter to make up for the (too much) angst from the last two. ❤
> 
> To be honest, MJ was a late addition in the drafts, but she was mentioned during Tony and Peter’s phone call a few chapter’s back. I just figured the adults could learn a thing or two with these two. You know, the kids see things differently, simpler, much less complicated.
> 
> And I can't wait to share what happens in Chapter 14. Peter takes action. 
> 
> As per usual, let me know what you think! I’d really love to know. ❤


	14. The Pre-Valentine's Weekend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but ... after that. Every night after that ... Dozens of times, lots of different ways ... Every night I save you." — Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What was supposed to be Chapter 14 became Chapter 15, because I've been so wordy.  
> So sorry about that. Still, please enjoy this ~11k-ish offering, because we could all use the love. I think. ❤

** Present day, February 11, Friday evening: **

“Home sweet home…”

Tony breathed a sigh of relief as he parked the Audi in the subterranean garage of the house on 74th Street. They had left the Cardiac Ball only a little before eleven just right after his speech and after fulfilling their obligations to the guests and to the press people. Indeed, long gone were the days when Tony Stark would be the one closing the open bar and partying ‘til dawn. He just wasn’t the type anymore, well that, and he wanted to spend some alone time with Pepper, away from the prying eyes of the public and the lenses of the press. It was their first night together, after all, ever since Cornwall.

He rushed to get her door for her and offered her his arm as they walked out of the garage, quickly stopping by the wine cellar on their way towards the stairs leading up to the main house. When he saw her inquiring glance, he simply shrugged and said, “Celebratory night cap,” handing her a bottle of Dom Pérignon while he retrieved two flute glasses from the adjacent cabinet.

“You know, I actually had a good night, all things considered,” Pepper told him as she sat on the couch in the family room before reaching down to unbuckle the straps of her heels while Tony poured them champagne. He then pulled up her feet, placing them on his lap and started massaging her arches.

“Well, I’m glad that you did. Although, please, tell me that my speech was your favorite part,” he winked at her, tired but not any less coquettish.

“It was,” she assured him, trying to stifle a moan from escaping her lips which he delightfully did notice anyway, as he expertly massaged the balls of her feet. “And I mean it, Tony. I had a great time, with or without this ridiculous pretending.”

_I don’t know about you, but who said I was ever pretending?_

But he didn’t say it, because while he was willing to take what he could get and what she was willing to give, he knew that his avoidant attitude towards their unresolved issues would only put a damper on the progress of their relationship. He was willing to take things slow, take some time to let himself deal with the loss of their lovechild while trying to win her back, but who said he couldn’t do both at the same time, right? So he might have to woo her again and he would do exactly just that, no matter how long it would take and he pretty much started as soon as he convinced her to keep up appearances for his son’s sake. With his competitions still around and the seemingly insurmountable shortcomings he had to make up for, time was definitely of the essence.

He smiled at her instead, pleased to find that she was beginning to relax under the effects of his touch and the champagne flute in her hand. Pretend or not, she was clearly enjoying herself, although whether she realized that or not was beyond him. He simply marveled at how easily they fell back into old habits consciously or otherwise, like a well-oiled machine, always perfectly in sync, always fitting well together, as if the last fifteen years did not even happen.

“By the way, Pete’s midwinter recess begins, so he’s going to be around here and at SI all the time for a week,” he eyed her trying to gauge her reaction, “Just thought you should know.”

“Really? Why is that?” she asked without even opening her eyes, her head now resting languidly against the armrest of the couch.

“You know, the kid has no classes so we have to up our game in keeping up appearances especially this coming week.” He patted her feet, letting them rest on his lap after he finished giving her a massage.

“You are unbelievable,” she said half exasperated, half amused.

“I’m just being thorough,” he grinned at her clinking his flute with hers, “Cheers!”

She simply shook her head amused, although if it was in quiet agreement or resignation, he did not care to know.

They sat there for a while until close to midnight when Peter came in from the foyer, smiling knowingly at his father when he noted that Pepper was with him.

“Hey, Dad, Ms. Potts,” Peter greeted them, his eyes falling automatically for a split second on Pepper’s feet which were lazily resting on Tony’s lap and at the champagne bottle sitting in a bucket of ice. “You guys had a great night?”

“Yeah, we did,” Tony replied, a look of understanding passing between him and his son. _You see, kid, I’m keeping good on my promise_. “MJ’s home?”

“Yeah, I walked her home.”

“And?” Tony prodded.

“I walked her to her door, gave her a polite kiss on the cheek, thanked her for going out with me, and told her that I had a great night,” Peter reported beaming and almost practically bouncing. “I got bonus points from her mother because she was home before midnight.”

“That’s my boy,” Pepper smiled at him approvingly and while Peter stood there proudly like a preschooler who just earned his first gold star, Tony almost choked on her remark, _'my boy.'_

“And I didn’t almost kill her, there was no trip to the emergency room involved, and I made sure I got a second date before we parted ways,” the kid added, smirking at his dad for that slight jibe.

“That’s _my_ boy,” Tony grinned back at him, feeling old but proud.

“So, I’m going to head upstairs, shower then bed. But we’ll catch up tomorrow? And please, continue whatever it is..." the kid made a non-specific circular motion with his finger in the air, “...you're doing. Good night, Ms. Potts. Love you, Dad.”

“Good night, Peter.”

“Love you, too, kiddo,” Tony called out as the kid climbed up the stairs to his room. It was in moments like this one when he couldn’t help but think that somehow, in spite of everything he had done in his very remarkable past, he must have done something good after all. “He’s growing up so fast…” he thought pensively, not realizing he had mentioned the sentiment out loud.

“Feel old yet?” Pepper asked, eyeing him thoughtfully.

“You wound me, do you know that?”

“Well… at least he hasn’t stopped telling you ‘I love you’ every night before he goes to sleep.”

“Yet…” He smiled when he saw Pepper chuckled lightly at his retort. God, he missed that sound, had it really been that long since he last made her laugh? He put the thought aside. “You know, that bedtime routine of ‘I love you, Dad,’ I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

“I know…”she nodded in agreement, though he did notice a smidge of sadness, or was it longing, in her eyes. He thought he had a fair idea on where, or more accurately who, her mind had wandered off to and just like that, his guilt came crashing through once more. She must have sensed that he noticed though, because she opted to break the awkward moment instead. “Anyway… I’m surprised you just allowed him to walk around with MJ, security-wise. That’s so not you.”

“Of course he didn’t _just_ walk around,” he countered but he was happy with the shift in the topic. “Happy’s watching over him. Come on, Potts, it’s almost like you didn’t know me at all.”

“I _know_ you, Tony, that’s why I asked.” She swung her legs off his lap and off the couch, and eventually stood up. “Well, now that Peter’s home and off to bed, my part here is done. I’ll—”

“Wait, did you think _this_ was just part of—”

“What?”

He stared at her and for a second he honestly thought he would not be able to control his own self from blurting out that this was real, there was no pretending, that this was not merely for keeping up appearances, that he missed her, that he didn’t care anymore that she kept the baby from him because it was an understandable and a relatively small infraction compared to what he had done to her and everything he had put her through, that after their talk at the Cardiac Ball he realized he had forgiven her and that all he wanted was to win her back. But he was reminded of her sad smile, the way she looked when he asked her back in her office if she had forgiven him, because clearly she had not, and the sad part was he understood perfectly why and he knew she was absolutely justified.

 _I just thought we were having a moment,_ he wanted to say.

“Nothing, Pep. Never mind.” He stood up from the couch and offered her his hand, “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

But she didn’t take his hand. Instead, she looked at him rather apologetically and with a hint of uncertainty. “I was actually thinking about using one of the guest rooms...”

 _Was it really so bad that you don't even feel comfortable with me_ _around?_

He sighed deeply and counted to three in his head before giving her an answer.

“Yeah… you can’t sleep in any of those,” he tried not to sound needy or desperate, he really tried.

“Why not?”

“Come on, Pep. You very well know that the guestrooms in this house are on Peter’s floor.” He tried to study her reaction which was both a terrifying and an adorable mix of annoyance and suspicion. “It’s going to be weird if Pete finds you there, since before we left for Cornwall we were already sharing a bed and—”

“I get it.”

“—if the kid finds you in the guestroom, you’ll be the one explaining why. I’m not going to—”

“I get it, Tony.” That was her boardroom voice and it made him stop automatically. “I get it.”

He tried to suppress the grin that was beginning to show on his face as he watched her pick up her heels before marching ahead of him towards the stairs.

_God, she’s really beautiful but when she’s annoyed at me, she’s a supernova._

“Do you need any help with the buttons of your dress, Honey?”

And if she slammed the bedroom door at his face, whether because of the buttons inquiry or the ‘honey’ endearment, he was too busy being impressed with the deviousness of his plan to be even bothered to find out.

\---- --- ----

“What are you doing?”

Tony looked up to see Pepper step out of the bathroom dressed in silk shorts and an old band shirt – _his_ old band shirt. She was standing in front of him with her hands on her hips, eyeing the pile of blankets, pillows, and comforters he was in the middle of spreading on the bedroom floor.

“What am I doing? You take the bed. I’m sleeping on the floor if it makes you comfortable.” He tried to feign obliviousness as he eyed the shirt she was wearing. “Why are you wearing my clothes? Not that I mind, because I really don’t, but you do realize that you have clothes in my closet, right? Something that matches those silk shorts, and brand new ones actually.”

“I like your shirts better, they’re comfortable,” she remarked evenly, not giving anything away, as she crawled into the bed.

“Do you know what else is comfortable? Aside from _my_ bed and _my_ shirts? Me, with my arms snugly wrapped around you.”

“Don’t try to be cute, Tony.” He couldn’t see her but he knew she was probably rolling her eyes at him right now. “Won’t your back hurt in the morning if you sleep on the floor?”

“Are you really concerned about my back or are you actually starting to entertain the idea of me wrapped around you?”

He had started laying down, tossing and turning in an attempt to find a comfortable position to actually sleep in while Pepper watched from the bed, _his_ bed, with a facial expression that was equal parts concerned and amused. He looked at her kindly, hoping he appeared as sincere as he felt.

“It will hurt in the morning but it's a small price to pay. I told you I'll do anything for you, this time around you can count on me. And if sleeping on the floor is what it would take for you to feel safe around me again or to trust me again or to even forgive me just a little bit, I'll do it. Every night.” He meant every word but he did realize it was quite a heavy declaration for an already long night, so he added as an afterthought. "Plus, I know when I’m unwanted, so...”

“You’re _not_ unwanted…” she had said it so softly that he almost didn’t hear it but he caught it nonetheless. He was about to say something that was surely not going to help his case when she narrowed her eyes at him in warning. “Fine, you may sleep on the bed but only because I know your back will kill you in the morning. You’re not exactly getting any younger.”

“Thank you,” he beamed at her and he was on his side of the bed within seconds, not giving her any room to reconsider. “I really am not getting any younger, but I have to agree with you that I do get better looking every day.”

“I didn’t say anything like that—”

“Don’t try to deny it, Potts, I heard your thoughts loud and clear.” He wiggled his brows at her and she merely sighed in exasperation before stacking several pillows between them. “Pep, what are you doing? What’s the point of the pillows?”

“It’s insurance…” she smiled at him triumphantly before laying on her side with her back to him.

“You know, this is completely unnecessary,” he whined in protest. “I’m not going to try anything. When did I ever force you into anything anyway?”

“Good night, Tony.”

“I don’t even get a good night kiss? This is not fair.”

“Good night, Tony.”

He would have wanted to pull her closer, he was actually hoping to rest his head at the crook of her neck and just breathe her in while being comforted by the knowledge that she was close and that she was here. But sure, he was willing to take things slow, and at least she was here in his bed, in his home, when she could have simply ran away and left any moment she wanted to. So it's a win, and yes, he lived for these small wins.

“Good night, Pep,” and when he was fairly certain that her breaths had evened out and she was probably asleep, he couldn't help but mutter softly, breaking the stillness of the room, “I love you.”

He knew she stopped him from saying that to her earlier that night, while they danced, because she was not ready to just jump back into the relationship again, and she wanted that when they do finally try again, that would be it - either they sink or swim. But he told her tonight anyway, because Pepper? She was it for him, because fifteen years after and his feelings had not changed. It did not change then, it wouldn't change now.

She did not stir, but he knew in his heart he hoped she heard him anyway.

\---- --- ----

** February 12, Saturday morning:**

_“What was your news?” he asked as Pepper looked at him hesitantly, “You can tell me anything, just say the word and I’ll call the wedding off, right now. You know that I would do anything for you.”_

_She gave him a sad smile, looking betrayed and blindsided by his impromptu decision that he most absolutely failed to consider her for. “I’m moving to L.A., I figured it would be best for you… and for the kid.”_

_“For my kid? Or for our kid?” He looked at her knowingly and he knew she must be wondering how he found out. “I saw the pregnancy tests in your purse. Did you take the tests? Are you having my baby?” He searched her eyes and he took her hands in his, hoping that she would believe everything he was about to say. “Just tell me, I can handle it. If you’re having my baby, I’m calling the wedding off and you can’t move to L.A.” He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear before rubbing her tears with his thumb. “We’ll make this work, I’ll make it work… for us, for both kids…”_

_She simply nodded, tears streaming down her face as she quietly whispered, “Tony, I’m having your baby… I’m really sorry…”_

_“Then you’re not going anywhere…” he pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly to him. “I can’t protect you if you move away, but we’ll make it work here. I promise, I’ll find a way to make it work, for all of us...”_

Tony woke up with a heavy sigh and gently raised his head to see Pepper pressed against him with her head resting on his chest, all her ‘insurance’ pillows somehow relegated to the floor sometime during the night. He wrapped his arms around her holding her close, as he kissed her hair and breathed in her scent, wanting her, warring with himself against waking her up because he knew that the instant he moved, she would wake and pull away from his touch and the moment would be gone.

He thought back to his dream, he had been having different variations of those in the last three weeks ever since he learned about his long lost son. His dreams would often start similarly to how things happened in real life, but there would always be one crucial moment that differed which would result in another outcome – him finding out about the baby, Pepper not moving to L.A., the accident never happening, them not losing the kid – the way he wished things turned out to be. The dreams would always leave him with a heavy heart and an immense guilt but he welcomed it, willingly persecuting himself in his own personal inescapable hell at almost every waking moment. And as if the punishing dreams were not enough already, he would often replay the memories from fifteen years ago right before he drifted off at night, trying to imagine different scenarios where he could have done something different, where he could have at least saved her and their kid. He had been doing that, every night for three weeks now.

_I’m so sorry, Pepper… I really am…_

She began to stir and he stole one last kiss to her temple before she could fully wake up and reprimand him for it. She pulled him closer, surprising him in the process, and moved up to tuck her head in the crook of his neck, breathing him in and sighing contentedly.

“Weren’t you on the floor? Where are the pillows?” she muttered softly, her voice breaking a bit from lack of use. In spite of her query though, she did not make a move to release him or to pull away from his embrace. Again, he counted that as a win.

“Well, you must have kicked them off the bed,” he whispered while gently stroking her arm, trying to bid some more time before he would have to let her go. “You told me to move to the bed because you were worried that my back would hurt, and you’re right, I should also care about my back.”

“I’m not a kicker,” she countered though without a hint of annoyance, “And I honestly don’t know why I care about your back, it’s not like you do anything athletic anyway.”

 _Because you still love me, but I’ll settle for something as mundane as you caring about my back for now,_ he smirked at the thought.

“Well, now that you mentioned it, we could start doing something athletic you know, a good cardio morning exercise, right here, on the bed.”

She raised her head to look at him just as he wiggled his brows at her suggestively, that patented smirk of his evolving to a wide coquettish grin.

“Okay, that’s my cue, I think…” she rolled her eyes at him just as she pulled herself up and off the bed, although he swore he could see her lips curling up a bit. “I’m going to take a shower,” she announced heading for the bathroom.

“Can I jo—”

“No.”

“Can I wat—”

“No.” She smiled at him teasingly before gently closing the door to his face. “Good morning, Tony,” he heard from the other side of the door.

Well, at least she did not make a comment about their cuddling and his insinuations and she let him hold her for as long as he wanted, that is until he made that smutty innuendo. Certainly, nobody’s pretending here.

“Right, I’ll get started on breakfast then,” he called out to her, grabbing his phone before stepping out of the bedroom and making his way downstairs. He checked the time, it was only seven in the morning and her favorite breakfast place would not be open for another two hours, but he made the call anyway. They would deliver for him regardless of the time, they always did.

\---- --- ----

“Good morning, Dad,” Peter came in to the kitchen instantly eyeing the assortment of croissants, baguettes, crepes, brioche, cheese, yogurts, fresh fruits, and smoked salmon laid out on the breakfast bar. “Did you just order the entire breakfast menu of La Mercerie?”

“Not entirely, I might have left out two to three items from the list,” Tony quipped while pouring himself a cup of coffee. “Go ahead, choose your bread and dig in.”

Peter sat at the breakfast bar grabbing a ham and cheese croissant, munching at it thoughtfully as his father poured him a glass of orange juice. He watched the man intently, because in spite of everything he saw at last night’s ball and at the house when he got home, he just couldn’t shake the feeling that something was really amiss. There was that sudden, three-week mysterious solo trip to Los Angeles after all.

“Where’s Ms. Potts?” he asked tentatively, trying to carefully scrutinize his father’s would be reaction.

“She’s still upstairs, taking a shower,” his dad eyed him with a measured look over his cup of coffee, “And just so you know, we’re not fighting.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Okay, but what’s wrong, Pete?”

“It’s just that things seemed different since Connecticut,” the kid sighed frustratingly, taking a gulp of his orange juice before helping himself to some smoked salmon and scrambled eggs. “I don’t know, you seemed so happy to be finally taking the trip together and then when you came back… You were gone again for three weeks, and you never even bothered to ask about her whenever we would talk.”

“Did it ever occur to you that I was most likely calling her personally?” Tony patiently asked, not giving anything away.

“I know you weren’t calling her,” Peter mumbled unhappily. “I dropped by at her office every time that I was at SI and she couldn’t even tell me when you were coming back. I _know_ that she didn’t even know where you had disappeared to, and then there’s the rows and rows of peonies that came for her every day. What are those for? What did you do this time, Dad?”

_I was the reason why she lost our kid, your half-brother, that’s what I did._

“Why are you so riled up about us?” Tony asked instead because he genuinely wanted to know, and he also hoped that Peter did not notice that he had opted to not answer his question.

“She makes you happy, Dad, and she probably loves you just as much as you love her. And now that Mr. Killian’s out of the picture, I just thought things were going better with you.” Peter regarded him dejectedly, brown eyes exactly like his own basically pleading him this time, “I like having her around, not just because she’s nice to me but because she makes you happy. And this thing, your thing? It’s been a long time coming.”

“Peter…”

“I know that I probably got in the way the first time you were supposed to be together, you know, fifteen years ago? And I’m sorry for that… But she’s the love of your life, Dad, and I want you to be together this time around.”

“Kid, what happened fifteen years ago? It was never your fault,” he assured the kid as he leaned on the breakfast bar to hold Peter’s gaze. “Look at me, Pete. I made my choices and those _choices_ got in our way, not you. And Pepper? She never blamed you for anything. In fact, she loves you so much that had I asked her fifteen years ago to help me raise you, she would’ve taken you in as her own. She would have done it then, she’d do it again now. Willingly. In a heartbeat.”

The kid simply shrugged defeatedly and shook his head unbelievingly, and somehow, Tony understood.

“You don’t believe me?” he smiled at the kid, gently tipping Peter’s chin up so the kid could look at him and would hopefully realize that he meant the truth, “You can ask Pepper yourself. She told me that same thing, we talked about it in Connecticut.”

“Okay…” Peter still sounded unconvinced.

“And did you hear her last night? She called you _her_ kid…” Tony smiled when a look of recognition passed over the boy’s eyes. “Next time I’m going out of town, I’m leaving you to stay with Pepper.”

“Fine, I believe you. You don’t have to do that, Dad.”

“Well, you might as well get used to it, you know? In the long run, in the hopefully not far future,” he winked at the boy, pleased that he had somehow assured the kid.

“But you guys are okay?” Peter eyed him thoughtfully, definitely without any plans to back down from questioning him.

“We’re fine. We’re just trying to work on some… issues, like normal couples do, but I promise you, we’re together.” There, that was a portion of the truth after all. “Besides, didn’t I promise you that I’m not letting her go anymore? Remember? At the concert fundraiser?”

“I remember…” Peter agreed and Tony really thought that was the end of it, but then, “Is that what the daily peonies are for? And this overkill of a breakfast spread? You have issues to work on?”

“Yes…” Tony treaded carefully, “I’m trying to woo her again because of… our issues. Just get on board, okay? If you want her as your stepmother, you have to help me win some boyfriend points.”

“I don’t know, Dad,” Peter smirked at him, “It looks like you can do this on your own.”

“She has a soft spot for you, Pete. You’re my trump card.”

“Alright, Dad. I’ll send you my list of demands soon.” The kid snickered already thinking about Star Wars memorabilia and longer lab hours at SI. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you will be able to afford everything on the list.”

“That’s extortion,” he pointed out good-naturedly as he made his way to the coffeemaker for a refill.

“Good morning, Ms. Potts,” Peter beamed when he saw her came in to the kitchen, “Dad’s apparently trying to win some boyfriend points with this breakfast spread.”

“Hey, Peter…” Pepper smiled at the kid, absent-mindedly ruffling his hair as she took a seat beside him at the breakfast bar. “How many people are you planning to feed, Tony? And how did you make this happen? I know that La Mercerie doesn’t open for another hour.”

But Tony didn’t hear her queries, he was still stuck at the moment when she casually sat beside his son and ruffled the kid’s hair as if they had been doing this family breakfast for years now. Honestly, if that moment was not enough for Peter to be convinced that Pepper would take him in as her own, he didn’t know how else to convince the kid.

“Tony?” Pepper prodded, reaching for the cup of coffee he was holding, already claiming his cup as her own. “La Mercerie doesn’t open for another hour, right?”

“Yeah, not for another hour, but for Tony Stark they can deliver anytime.” He flashed her that cocky grin that she was still undecided, after all these years, if she hated or liked more. “And since it’s your favorite breakfast place, I had to be persuasive.”

“You used your name just for breakfast?” Predictably, she was admonishing him.

“Well… I need you to be happy, and just so you know, you can use _me_ anyway you want as well,” he winked at her and he was fairly certain she blushed, a bit. As for Peter, well, the poor kid choked on his orange juice.

“There are baby ears around, Tony.”

“You’re the one taking it out of context,” he whined, feigning innocence, which only made Peter chuckle more. “It didn’t even occur to me that way.”

“Oh please, everything occurs to you.” She sounded so done with him. God, he loved getting her so worked up.

“But since you brought it up, I’m more than willing to oblige.” He was practically looking at her suggestively and he was almost sure the years he would spent in parent hell, for flirting at his girlfriend while his teenage son was sitting just right there, just started piling up. “For you, Honey, I’m available anytime.”

“I’m not interested, Tony,” Pepper quipped back just as he noticed that her gaze had fallen on his lips for a few seconds before she snapped out of it and directed her attention instead at the plate of crepes in front of her.

“You’re lying, Potts.” He sounded so certain he was basically smug. “Your eyes are doing that thing where they don’t match your mouth.”

Her answering glare was so terrifying, he thought he was probably wired wrongly because he honestly thought he loved her more because of it.

“I would say get a room, but yours is right above mine.” Peter crossed his arms and knowingly narrowed his eyes at his dad. “Please do try to remember that.”

“You know, son, you don’t get nearly enough credit for your wit,” Tony raised his brows at him approvingly.

“Well, I learned from the best,” Peter answered taking out his phone to start typing a message.

> _Peter: Hey, MJ. Abort plans. Everything seems fine, they seem okay. I’ll keep you posted. G’morning!_

“Is that MJ?” Tony teased in an attempt to shift the topic and hopefully win some of those coveted boyfriend points, somehow. “You have to wait three days before you call or text her.”

“You didn’t do that. You met Ms. Potts on the same day you asked her out,” Peter reasoned rather seriously, “And on the same day as your first date. Besides, MJ and I have been friends for a while now.”

“Well…” Pepper chimed in amusedly, “Peter has a point, and a very valid one at that, too.”

“So you’re ganging up on me now?” Tony asked, trying to pretend that he was outraged and spectacularly failing mainly because the truth was, he could probably spend all his mornings like this – just him, Pepper, and the kid. Peter was right, this thing, _their thing_ , it was a long time coming. It had been fifteen, twenty years? The timing was just never right but maybe this time… this could finally be their chance, their time.

“What do you think, Dad? Central Park then MoMA?”

He had apparently zoned out of the conversation just like during the many times that his self-deprecating sense of self would get overwhelmed by the unadulterated love that was right in front of him. He glanced at Pepper who was looking at Peter adoringly, brushing off a few of the unruly brown curls that had fallen near the kid’s eyes.

_I never did deserve you, Pep, and I never will. But I'll be lucky if you'll choose to be with me._

“Sure, kid,” he smiled when Pepper caught him staring and he was just glad that she held his gaze, the kind smile on her face actually reaching her eyes - it had been a while since it did after all. “Anywhere with you...”

* * *

**21 years ago, February, Stark Industries NY:**

“What do you mean the photo’s gone?” Pepper asked over the phone as she strode to her _not_ -boyfriend’s office at the Stark Industries New York headquarters. It was a little bit past five in the afternoon and she was more than thankful that a good number of the employees had clocked out already. She hated meeting Tony at SI when a lot of the office staff were still around mainly because she could feel their judging eyes whenever the seventeen year-old college student/model/intern visited the CEO’s son. She found the office rumors so ridiculous because when you really think about it, they had known each other for two years now and they weren’t even officially a couple…yet.

“It can’t have already been sold, the exhibit’s not open until next week,” she sighed somewhat frustrated that her Mapplethorpe portrait which was supposed to come up in next week’s auction at the MoMA was apparently already sold and had been pulled out from the exhibit as well. That was actually the part that pissed her off, that it had to be pulled out because the buyer insisted on it. “Well, can you at least tell me who bought it?” she asked the gallerist just as she opened the door to Tony’s office only to find him eagerly waiting for her. She held up a finger to him to indicate that she needed a minute.

“An anonymous buyer? No one even knows I did the shoot except for…” she trailed off, her eyes automatically narrowing at Tony and almost at the same time that she noticed a look of recognition clicked on his face. “I think I know who bought it, thank you for your help.” She ended the call and stashed her phone in her bag before crossing her arms and regarding Tony coolly. “Do you have something to tell me?”

“Uhm…I have missed you? That and the fact that you look beautiful, but then again you always do,” he playfully soothed her by gently rubbing her arms just as he leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek. “What’s gotten you so upset? Is it the staff again? You know, just say yes to me and we can officially announce that we’re together, finally put those office rumors to rest once and for all.”

“Really? That’s it? You don’t have anything else to tell me?” she asked rather testily, because God knows she was absolutely certain he was the one who bought the portrait and pulled it out from the exhibit.

“Well, I have a gift for you, just consider it an early Valentine’s gift from your almost-boyfriend,” he smiled at her before retreating to his inner office where she knew he kept his safe.

Fine, so maybe he did buy the portrait as a gift and if that was the case she thought it would be forgivable…and actually thoughtful, although she still would have preferred that it was not pulled out from the exhibit lineup. She almost actually convinced herself that was what he did but when she saw him came back holding a black velvet box instead, her excitement somehow faded.

“Happy almost-Valentine’s, Pep.” Tony opened the box to reveal an Erickson Beamon diamond necklace, which, while beautiful, wasn’t what she was actually expecting. He must have noticed her disappointment although he read it incorrectly, “If it’s not your taste, we can exchange it.”

“Oh no, it’s lovely,” she assured him, already kicking herself in her head when she saw the worry in his eyes. “It’s just…you didn’t happen to buy a piece of art recently, perhaps a Mapplethorpe?”

He looked at her and she knew that he knew he couldn’t actually lie his way out of this one, so he muttered evenly, “Yes, I did.”

“And?” she prodded. “I honestly thought that was going to be my present and since it wasn’t, why buy it and pull it out of the exhibit lineup?”

“Because it’s a Mapplethorpe,” he whined, the twenty one year-old Stark heir actually whined.

“Tony, it’s not one of those artsy shots where you can’t tell if it’s a belly button or a…” she sighed defeatedly, closing her eyes to avoid rolling them at him. “It’s very tasteful, I assure you.”

“Pep, I don’t want people gawking at you, okay? You were supposed to be admired…from afar…very far, not gawked at.” He sighed before taking her hands in his and kissing her knuckles almost reverently, brown eyes beseeching her to just agree with him, “I don’t want people…men, ogling you.”

She almost agreed, almost, considering that his intentions were actually…sweet, but she was pretty proud at how tasteful that portrait came out and for it to be pulled out of MoMA just because Tony turned out to be a little green-eyed, possessive monster…

“Is that the portrait?” she asked pertaining to the rectangular canvas covered in brown paper packaging sitting atop his desk.

“Yes…and I’m keeping it.”

“Why? So you can gawk at me at the privacy of your own room?” She grabbed the canvas and made her way out of his office, not even sparing him a single glance. “That’s even more perverted than what you’re worried about.”

“No…it’s because I’m trying to protect you. Pep, I lo—”

“No!” She cut him off, just like the way she did all those other times that he had attempted to tell her those three words, eight letters that, after two years of knowing Tony Stark, she still wasn’t prepared to hear from him. “Don’t say it, you know I didn’t want to hear that…yet.”

She rushed to step inside the elevator and quickly pushed the buttons to close the door before he could catch up with her but he was actually faster than she thought. She glared at him and they spent the next few seconds in silence while the lift descended for a few floors until it suddenly stopped working, surprising her but suspiciously, not Tony.

“What’s going on?” Pepper asked, still pointedly avoiding his gaze.

“I told my assistant to call engineering to stop the elevator for the meantime…” he held up his hands in surrender, in an attempt to placate her. “This is the only way I could think of that you wouldn’t be able to run away from me, because Pep, you have to hear it, this time.”

“Tony, don’t…”

“Pep, I don’t understand why you’re fighting this…” he began, his eyes searching hers for that fear she knew was clearly reflected in her gaze. “Maybe it’s because you still think that I’m still that same boy you met two years ago, who flirted left and right and who graced the tabloids more times than anybody cared to count. But you have to listen to me because that wasn’t me anymore, ever since I met you that was never really me and you knew that.”

He paused for a bit, trying to reign in his emotions and trying to still his heart because this was it, either he take the plunge or live with the fact that he would never be able to tell her the truth.

“Pep, I love you…I love you so much that it consumes me, it terrifies me because I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and the only thing that I’m sure of is that I don’t want to feel this way about anyone else, ever, again.” He reached out to gently cup her face when she tried to avoid his gaze, “Look at me. I’m not asking for anything, except that you hear me out. When I say I love you, it has nothing to do with me and you don’t even have to say it back, but you have to believe me. I love you…you’re it for me, and it’s about time that you know that.”

And so, without a moment's hesitation, she kissed him, she kissed him so he couldn’t see her tears, she kissed him with everything she’s got, she kissed him again and again because she knew she was so lucky to have found this person who loved her just as much, if not more. She kissed him because she agreed, he was also it for her.

She pulled away, handing him the canvas while he looked at it confused, “Here, consider this your early Valentine’s gift…from your girlfriend.”

“‘Girlfriend’ sounds so right, Potts,” he grinned at her victoriously. “Wait, are you really giving this to me? What if I just ogle you all day? Are you sure you want me to have this?”

“Yes…” she smiled at him, feeling lighter than she had ever been, “Because I love you, you enormously stubborn pain in the ass.”

“Really?” he gazed at her, those dark brown eyes she loved so much impossibly getting bigger with glee.

“Yes.”

“Love me?” he cocked his head to one side and it was probably the happiest she had seen him so far.

“Always…” she kissed him chastely one more time before raising a perfectly-shaped eyebrow at him, “Now call engineering, because I’d really like to get out of here.”

* * *

**Present day, February 12, Saturday evening:**

“I’m sorry about today…” Tony started to apologize as soon as he saw Pepper came in to the family room, a bottle of scotch and two glass tumblers in her hand. “I know that Peter had been insistent that we go out and—”

“I’m not,” she smiled at him, setting the tumblers on the coffee table and pouring herself a glass. “It’s okay. It was fun, and it only means that I get to spend a little more time with you.”

_Could it be? Is she beginning to thaw?_

“What are you thinking about?” Pepper asked, pouring him his own glass before taking a sip from her own. “You have your thinking face on.”

“Two things, actually…” he eyed his glass, all of a sudden not wanting to touch the alcohol when it occurred to him that he should probably be as sober as possible tonight. “One is that I was wondering if I should be getting you a bottle of red wine instead…and some water,” he suggested when he noted that she was already pouring herself a second glass.

“I prefer the scotch tonight,” she told him with a sense of finality, obviously not wanting to argue about drinks of choice. “And the other?”

“The other, well, since we were in MoMA earlier today, it kind of reminded me of that Mapplethorpe portrait,” he smiled a bit at the memory, finally relaxing on the couch in spite remembering how angry she was at him at that time. “I still have your photo, along with the outtakes from that shoot which was included in the dossier from… Well, they’re all in the safe in our room, if you want to keep them for yourself.”

“I think it should stay with you, the portrait that is, it was a gift after all,” she gulped the contents of her glass and he was actually beginning to wonder what was making her drink so much. “As for the dossier, well, I don’t want to see it so can you keep it for me for now?”

“Of course,” he eyed her thoughtfully as she poured herself a third glass. “Are you okay? I don’t think I’ve seen you drink this much. Actually, I don’t think I’ve seen you drink scotch.”

“You’re not the only one who gets nightmares, Tony…” she admitted quietly, refusing to meet his inquiring look, which was unfortunate because he wanted to know two things – what her nightmares were about, although he thought he fairly had a clear idea on what they were about; and the other, well, how she knew that he was having nightmares of his own. She just smiled sadly at him instead, not wanting to talk about it any further, “…and I don’t want them tonight, because today has been a really good day.”

She went on to finish what was probably her fourth or fifth glass, he actually lost count, while his own remained untouched. He was beginning to consider cutting her off when she inched closer to him, resting her head on his chest while his arm fell loosely on her waist.

“I agree, today has been a really good day,” he muttered softly, gently stroking her arm. He wanted to tell her a lot of things but he also wondered which ones she actually wanted to hear. To tell the truth, today had been too much for his heart, but in a good way – seeing the way Pepper was around Peter, he thought his heart would actually burst because everything seemed to fit perfectly well. There was that sense of _family_ the whole day, and he had just realized that it was what he had been searching for all along – _family,_ with the love of his life and the son he loved so much. He had hoped, he had been hoping for it all along.

“Pep, I still—”

“Tony…” she softly cut him off, “We agreed that we won’t jump back in…not yet.”

“I know, but please hear me out.” He pulled her closer while he rested his head against the back of the couch, gathering enough courage from the fact that he was at least holding her close, in his arms. “I still love you…and just like twenty years ago, you don’t have to say it back right now. But I want you to know that I do love you, and I’m doing everything I can so that you can, someday, forgive me, too.”

She gripped his arm tightly and for a second, he had misgivings about telling her everything out of fear that she might bolt and leave anytime. But he pressed on, wanting to get it off his chest and wanting to let her know because while he knew that his apologies would never be enough, she had to give him credit for letting her know he was sorry even if he had to do it over and over again.

“I know you blame me, somehow, even if you deny it,” his voice was breaking because he was fighting a desperate need to break down but he held her closer, letting her anchor him. “I know that a part of you blames me that we lost the baby, and you should…you really probably should. If I did not push you to move away, maybe our kid would be sleeping right now in the room next to Pete’s. I know that the baby, Andros…I know that I could never give him back to you, but I would if only I could… And God knows I could barely live with what I did, with all the guilt, but if this is how I should be paying for it then so be it.”

He let the tears fall because he owed her that, he owed her and the baby fifteen years’ worth of grief and guilt. He was about to bury his face in her hair when she gently raised her head and looked up to him, eyes all red and teary, then kissed him lightly on the lips, allowing him to pull her closer and to kiss her back deeper for a moment before letting her go. She smiled sadly at him but he took that chance to hold her gaze, letting her know that he meant every single word.

“Pep, I’m really sorry, not that it matter anymore, but I really need you to know that I am.”

She didn’t say a thing and instead she rested her head on his chest once more, letting him hold her as close as he needed her to be. He had no idea how long they stayed that way, but when he was fairly certain that her breaths had evened out and her quiet sobs had long subsided, he carefully lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom.

“Dad?”

He heard Peter calling him just as he took the next flight of stairs leading to his bedroom floor. He nodded at the kid to follow him and when they finally reached the room, Peter opened the door for him and pulled off the covers before he gently lowered her to the bed. He then pulled the sheets over Pepper and brushed off a stray of strawberry blonde hair that had fallen on her face.

“What’s going on?” Peter asked, wrinkling his nose at the not-so-faint smell of scotch, “She’s drunk and you weren’t? Is everything okay?”

“It’s a long story, kid, but I assure you that we’ll be fine,” he put his arms around Peter as they softly padded away from the bedroom. “In fact, she told me that today had been a good day, for all of us.”

“You’re both okay?”

“We still have those issues, but we’re working on it.” He pulled the kid into a hug while he tried to sound reassuring, “Don’t worry about us. Go to sleep, kid. I love you.”

“Alright. I love you, Dad.”

He watched as Peter descended the stairs before joining Pepper in bed. The kid, however, had a lot of things in his head, including making a mental note to send MJ a message telling her that their plan would be pushing through after all.

\---- --- ----

**February 13, Sunday morning: **

“So what are your plans for tomorrow?” Peter asked as he tore at his crisp potato waffles that Sunday morning. They had decided to step out for brunch along Madison Avenue since their day kind of started a bit later than usual. It was a Sunday morning after all, it was supposed to be laid back and family oriented, or at least that was what Tony reasoned.

“Why, do you have something in mind?” Tony asked, knowing full well that the kid had the entire week off. “Projects? Movies? Road trip?”

“No…” the kid trailed off, munching thoughtfully as he helped himself to some Applewood smoked bacon. “I meant _your_ plans, your Valentine’s plans.”

_Oh. That._

When Pepper actually remarked that everything occurred to him, that was actually true and Valentine’s day was no exception. The only reason why he had not come up with any plans yet was because… well, he and Pepper weren’t exactly in a very good place to probably be celebrating that, for now. The Los Angeles debacle still loomed pretty heavily on their heads and with everything that was going on, he actually felt uncertain if he should make a gesture at all. It was not a matter of what he _would_ do, it was more of if he _should_ do anything at all. He glanced uncertainly at Pepper, letting her know that he was deferring to her for what she wanted. It was always about her after all.

“Well, I believe I have a lot of meetings scheduled for tomorrow.” She looked at him kindly, and Tony would like to note that it was a great improvement from what he was actually expecting – mainly, a sidelong glare which screamed _‘why are you putting me on the spot again,’_ – a very great improvement indeed. “But I think I can make lunch happen, if you want to.”

“I appreciate that, but no worries, Pep,” he assured her, hiding behind his cup of coffee instead. “I know your Mondays tend to be busy, that’s why I insisted we spend this weekend together instead,” he glanced at Peter making sure he was able to drive home the point, and boy, wasn’t it a relief when the kid seemed finally satisfied with their reasons and was suddenly distracted by his phone.

> _MJ: I’m on my way, nerd._

“Okay…I’m sorry, Dad, but I think I have to go,” Peter smiled at them apologetically after downing his glass of juice. “I’m supposed to meet MJ and she hates it when I’m late. Enjoy brunch, though. I’ll see you later.”

“Later, kid,” Tony waved him off and watched as Peter dashed out of the restaurant. He then regarded Pepper closely who was suddenly so busy picking on her vegetable frittata. “You okay?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” she asked him tentatively.

“No headaches? Anything? You’d had quite a lot to drink last night.”

“I’m fine.”

He looked at her, hating the fact that they were out in public but he couldn’t resist asking anymore, because the entire morning she had not made any indication that something remarkably significant actually happened the night before.

“What do you remember about last night?”

“What do you mean?”

_Really, Potts, that’s four to five glasses of scotch. Sure, it’s enough to knock you out, but to not remember anything?_

“Anyway…” he tried to be patient because he was very much certain she was just testing him after all, “I just want you to know…My apologies? I did mean every single word that I said.”

“I believe you,” she offered him a small smile before directing her gaze back to the suddenly very interesting frittata, “I do remember your apologies, Tony.”

“And?” he prompted, trying to get a read on her. Was she actually going to pretend that she was not sober enough at the time to remember that she did kiss him?

“I appreciate it…” she said, amusedly echoing his earlier statement, and he swore he could see her stifling that half-smile that was beginning to show, but she pointedly avoided his gaze.

“Do you recall anything else? After that apology?”

“I don’t know, Tony. I was so out of it, the next thing I remember was waking up in your room.” She smiled at him politely, but it was too polite so much so that it bordered more on annoying than genuine. God, he was certain she was playing him. “Thank you…for carrying me to bed.”

“Were you so out of it that you don’t remember me ravishing you?” he smiled at her coquettishly, because two can play at this game.

“You didn’t do that, and you wouldn’t do that.”

_She has a point, but still._

“I might as well have…” he told her, “But you’re right, I didn’t and I wouldn’t.”

And so he let the thought go albeit with a heavy heart, because a part of him actually hoped that the kiss somehow meant that she had forgiven him, somehow and to some extent.

 _Maybe she really did, subconsciously that is,_ he thought trying to comfort himself, _she just doesn’t remember, but maybe she really did._

\---- --- ----

“I thought you already aborted this plan,” MJ mentioned as she and Peter climbed the stairs to Tony’s room.

They had agreed, or rather Peter had insisted that they snoop around in an attempt to try fixing whatever issues his dad and Pepper had been working on. Clearly, it was not one of Peter’s brightest ideas, but he reasoned that they had to at least start from somewhere. Right? Right.

“Yeah, I did. Because they were doing so well until last night, and then there’s the matter about Valentine’s Day…”

“What about it?”

“They don’t have plans for tomorrow and it’s Valentine’s Day,” Peter stated matter-of-factly.

“And that’s wrong because?” MJ furrowed her brows, not because she didn’t understand what he was trying to say but because she knew _exactly_ what he was trying to say. Also, she liked seeing him so worked up.

“They don’t have plans on _Valentine’s Day,”_ Peter frustratingly answered, putting emphasis on the last two words and somehow feeling absolutely ridiculous that MJ was making him spell it out for her.

MJ, on the other hand, merely chuckled clearly amused at his frustrations, “Peter, maybe your dad or Ms. Potts isn’t a fan of that corporate holiday.”

“You clearly don’t know Dad then, he’s _the_ king of grand gestures.” He suddenly paused at the doorway to Tony’s bedroom, narrowing his eyes as a revelation occurred to him. “Wait, is that what _you_ think of Valentine’s Day? That it’s just another corporate holiday?”

“Of course. While its origins can be traced back to the Roman festival of Lupercalia, it has become too commercialized which ultimately reduced its significance to a mere corporate scheme.”

“Wow…” Sometimes, no strike that. Oftentimes, MJ really just never failed to amaze him. “Duly noted, MJ. Duly noted,” he muttered already making a mental note to cancel the flowers that were supposed to arrive on her doorstep first thing tomorrow morning. “Anyway…”

He opened the door and made a quick survey of the room. He took out the suitcase his father had brought with him to Los Angeles and asked MJ to go through the pile of papers left inside the bag while he opened his father’s safe.

“So what are we looking for?” MJ asked sifting through the contracts and business cards while Peter started going through the contents of the safe. There were a lot of jewelries which were mostly his grandmother’s, watches, his and his father’s passports, deeds to the different family properties, and some letters and news clippings to name a few.

“Notes, messages, anything that seems tied to them. And maybe something about Cornwall Connecticut, or you know Los Angeles…that was where Dad went to last time.”

“There’s nothing here,” MJ announced, putting back everything inside Tony’s suitcase exactly the way she remembered finding it before moving over to help Peter sort through the safe’s contents. “You know, I don’t really see why you need my help.”

 _She really did have a point there,_ Peter nervously thought. Instead, he cleared his throat and tried to charm his way out of it, you know, because he had been watching his father do the same thing a lot lately.

“It’s insurance, MJ. You know, just in case I get caught, Dad’s less likely to kill me with witnesses around.”

He knew she must have rolled her eyes at him but it was like what his father would always say – ‘a win is still a win no matter how small,’ – so yeah, he counted her non-rebuttal as a win.

“Did he ask Ms. Potts to marry him? And perhaps she said no?” MJ asked pointing at the engagement ring Peter was so familiar with.

“Nah, it’s my grandmother’s and it’s been there in the safe when they left for Cornwall, I put it there myself. It was a good theory, though,” he grinned at her and there was no answering smile. She just looked…neutral.

_How the hell does Dad manage to pull off this witty banter with Ms. Potts? This is quite hard._

“Oh, it’s a Mapplethorpe portrait,” MJ sounded so impressed at the photo she retrieved from the safe. “I can’t believe Ms. Potts did one of these.”

“It’s a what portrait?” Peter asked while looking over her shoulder to get a good look at the black-and-white photograph.

“Mapplethorpe, he was an American photographer best known for his black-and-white photos of portraits, interracial figure studies, floral still lifes, homoerotic images…” She looked at the photo approvingly before handing it to Peter to put it back in the safe. “This one’s very tastefully done.”

“Well, Ms. Potts did just become the coolest mom in Manhattan,” he thought then immediately amended, “I meant stepmom, soon-to-be stepmom.”

“Maybe they’re having a baby,” MJ suggested randomly. It was so random that Peter was certain she was merely throwing it out there just so they covered all possible bases.

“That’s not even physically possible. I mean they’ve been together for…like a little over a month? Besides, I don’t see why they would fight about it, if that was indeed the reason. Plus, they wouldn’t keep it from me, you know? It’s kind of weird to hide a potential sibling from me.”

He had gone through all the contents of the safe but just when he was about to close it, he noticed a manila envelope sitting at the very back which was addressed to his father. He grabbed it and he had barely managed to go through the first two documents when MJ interrupted his perusing.

“What’s that?”

“It seems like it’s a dossier, about Ms. Potts.” He saw her birth certificate, school records, and some modeling photos. “Why does Dad have a file on her?”

“Don’t look through it Peter,” MJ grabbed the envelope and replaced it inside the safe before Peter could even argue.

“Why not?”

“Because I think your dad would not be pleased to learn that not only have you seen Ms. Potts' portrait, even if it was very tasteful, but that you also went through every single content of her dossier.” She nudged him to close the safe already which he reluctantly complied with. “What if you find something too personal?”

“Like the issue that they’re working on and we’re trying to look for?”

“Well, yes, but you get my point.”

“Yeah, I think I do,” he agreed, putting back the suitcase in his father’s closet and sweeping one last final look to make sure everything was exactly the same before they started searching around the room. He closed the door behind him and followed MJ downstairs.

“Anyway, so we’re good tomorrow?” MJ asked as she retrieved her coat at the foyer while Peter waited by the door.

“To– tomorrow?”

“The plan, Peter.”

 _Oh that. Right._ For a while there, he honestly thought MJ was asking him to go out with her tomorrow, on Valentine’s Day.

“Yeah. I already called their assistants, their lunch hours are cleared up.”

“Right, I’ll see you tomorrow, nerd.” She had begun to walk towards the direction of her home when Peter’s good sense kicked in and he started to run to catch up with her.

“MJ! Wait, let me walk you home.”

“Then move faster, Peter.”

She smiled at him and he thought he had never felt lighter.

\---- --- ----

** February 13, Sunday evening: **

Pepper woke up with a gasp and trying to catch her breath as she reoriented herself that she was in fact in Tony’s room, in his house, in New York, fifteen years later. She took full, deep breaths and tried to steady herself just as she automatically rubbed at the long scar on the inner aspect of her left arm. She was having the nightmares, again.

“Hey, hey, I’m here…” Tony soothed her, propping himself up on his elbow to get a good look at her and swiping at the strands of strawberry blonde hair matted to her sweaty forehead. “You were having the nightmares again, aren’t you? Do you want to talk about it?”

“There’s nothing new to tell,” she pressed herself to him, tucking her head into the crook of his neck while her hand trailed over his chest to rest against his heart, his regular and steady heartbeat pulling her back to earth and back to him. “It always ends with me trapped in the driver’s seat of the capsized vehicle, just before I lost consciousness… It always ends there because that’s all I can remember, and the next thing I know, I woke up in the hospital and the baby…”

He wrapped his arms around her pulling her close, wanting nothing more than to take her pain away, to carry the guilt for her, and to give her back the baby if only he could. But he couldn’t, and he knew that even the sincerest ‘I’m sorry,’ sounded so lacking and inadequate for what he put her through. So he just laid there, trying to make her feel safe and to protect her from the world for as long as he could, as much as he could.

“Pep, I know you’ve probably heard this from me a million times already, but I’m so sorry…” he broke into the stillness of the room when he had noticed that she had calmed down somehow.

“It’s not your fault…”

“But it was…” he held her closer and kissed her hair, wanting nothing more than to tell her, to let her know that he was at least paying for it, in his own personal hell. “I do remember what I said, that I practically begged you not to tell me you were pregnant because I wouldn’t know what to do…If I had not said that, you wouldn’t have felt that you needed to leave and we wouldn’t have lost the baby.”

He took a deep breath, fighting an overwhelming need to crumble because he knew that she needed to know, even when it wouldn’t make a difference anymore.

“But I want you to know I did save you… Not when it counted, of course. But after that, every night since Cornwall… Every night in the last three weeks I’d go back to that day from fifteen years ago and replay it in my head. In my head and in my dreams I’d do something different…say something different that’s smarter and less naïve, mature and unselfish and it made you stay… and in my dreams you never left, and you never got in that accident…”

He heard her soft sobs and he felt her tears when she moved to press a soft kiss on his cheek before retreating back to the crook of his neck, breathing him in and holding him close, being his rock once more just like she did fifteen years ago, even when she needed him more.

He held on to her, and he knew he would be willing to pay for his own shortcomings every night, in his head, in his dreams, for however long it would take…

“I want you to know, every night I save you…”

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you've seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I'm old enough that I've seen it growing up (I think I was 13, 14 when the show ended, go figure). And that monologue by Spike always gets to me, when he failed to keep his promise so Buffy had had to jump to close the portal, and every night since then he kept replaying it in his head only this time in his dreams, he did save her, if only to comfort his own self. It was almost kinda like B.A.R.F. Hence, "Every night I save you..."
> 
> Anyway, apologies because Peter's promised action (read: meddling) will have to wait for Chapter 15.
> 
> Sorry, this took so long, because (1) it's almost like this chapter didn't want to be written, and (2) my carpal-tunnel syndrome is acting up again. :(
> 
> Let me know what you think? Because your insights actually make me reconsider some stuff. Honestly. ❤


	15. The Dark Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Does self-punishment end...?”  
> “It might never end ... We can be sorry for what we've done, be sorry for hurting others, but it's what we do afterwards that really matters. But if it does end, it will be because you look into a mirror... and realize you've already punished yourself enough.” —Bizzarogirl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"To pray for what I thought were angels, ended up being ambulances,_   
>  _"And the Lord showed me dreams of my daughter, she was crying inside your stomach,_   
>  _"And I felt love again..."_
> 
> 🎧 I Can Feel a Hot One by Manchester Orchestra, for the last scene.

** February 14, Monday, 7:30 AM:**

It’s said that we’re all strapped to Fortune’s wheel, and just like in the ever changing landscape of love, it would not come as a surprise to anyone, really, that when a couple was enjoying an upswing…

_“You’ve reached Michelle, leave a message after the beep.”_

“Good morning, MJ. It’s me, Peter. I’m just confirming that we’re meeting at The Mark Restaurant by 11? Just to be sure, because Ms. Potts has a tendency to be really early. I look forward to seeing you later.”

…another one might be being plunged downwards.

“Pep, are you sure you’d rather not do something today, even just dinner maybe?”

“I don’t know, Tony. It’s not that I don’t want to spend it with you, but I just think that with everything that happened, maybe it wouldn’t be as comfortable…for us…if you know what I mean.”

Nonetheless, we could all take comfort from the certainty that the wheel would keep on turning and turning, and while it might not be always hearts and flowers, neither would it also be gloom and doom forever.

\---- --- ----

Pepper had stepped out of the shower wearing _his_ robe (side note: he considered that as one of his many subtle wins, Pepper choosing to wear his clothes when her own assortment was just right there) with her hair down and already blow-dried and her makeup already done and on-point. She smelled like vanilla and lavender and home and temptation all rolled into one and he fought the urge to grab her while he watched her strode to his walk-in closet, choosing his dress shirt, suit, tie, socks, and shoes as she passed by the cabinets.

“Make sure that my tie and pocket square match your dress,” he called out to her while he sat on the bed, grinning at the domesticity of the morning, which was an unexpected but welcome result of the previous night’s confessions.

Last night had been quite a revelation, well, to Pepper at least. He was not planning on telling her, not anytime soon anyway and more likely not anytime ever, about his nightly routine of going back in his head to fifteen years ago in an attempt to play out different scenarios that could have made her stay. It was his own personal hell and something that he gladly brought upon himself as a way to somehow deal with and make up for his shortcomings. He told her about it though it was not because he was trying to get her sympathy; he merely wanted her to know that he was paying for it somehow, knowing that there was probably no way he could ever make up for everything he put her through. No, he was not aiming for sympathy nor for pity nor for boyfriend points by telling her, he just wanted her to _know_.

_I want you to know… Every night I save you…_

She came back to lay his clothes on the bed, smiling satisfactorily to herself, clearly pleased at her own choices. Now Tony had always been capable of putting together a very polished look, be it for work or for play, but he allowed her this liberty because honestly, he was still busy marveling at the fact that she had fallen back into one of her old habits from way back. He attributed it to the idea that something seemed to have slotted back perfectly in their relationship last night. It would be, by all appearances, as if something finally clicked in Pepper’s head and certainly, he was not going to put a stop on it, not now, not ever.

“There…” she placed the tie she had chosen for him on top of the suit, enjoying the feel of the rose-colored fabric on her fingertips. “I trust you can choose the boxers yourself?”

He thought about flirting at her, it would be such a waste anyway if he didn’t because he already had a lot of comebacks in mind – after all, the boxers question was quite a rich area for risqué double entendre – but he let it go, though. Instead, he softly smiled at her while taking both of her hands in his and pulling her to stand in between his knees so he could directly look up to her eyes.

“So…since you don’t think we should do anything today, do you want to stay here later tonight?”

It was actually his polite, no-pressure version of asking, ‘ _Are you coming home with me tonight, after work?’_

He knew she was still uncomfortable with their setup although she was, seemingly, beginning to thaw, but he also knew that there was absolutely no way that he would be giving up their playing house, at all costs. Los Angeles and the baby were still looming above their heads mainly because they have yet to fully discuss it – because he was afraid that when they finally talk, they wouldn’t be able to move past it and he could never risk losing her again – but he wanted to spend every second, every waking moment with her. Still, he asked anyway, because he couldn’t force her into staying after all, not to mention that he wouldn’t, too, even if he could.

“Do you want me to?” She looked at him uncertainly, and he hoped the hesitation was because she was concerned if he actually wanted her to stay, and not because she needed to be away from him for a while or for longer.

“Of course I do. Always.” He dialed down on the pleading brown eyes because while he wanted her, the last thing he needed was to make her feel trapped. He had already done that in Cornwall and he knew that the low-key kidnapping was one of the worst ideas he had ever had, ever. “But only if you want to. I was just asking because you’ve given me the weekend already, and if you want some time away from me, that’s fine too. I know we agreed to keep up appearances for the meantime but I’m sure that by now you’ve noticed that I’m not exactly pretending and—”

“Okay.”

He blinked at her, surprised. Did he just hear her right?

“Okay what? Because I know I’ve said a lot of things and—”

“I’m staying tonight…”

“Okay… But, look, Pep, if you’re thinking about keeping up appearances so that Peter won’t suspect that something’s wrong, don’t.” He offered, knowing he had to say something to that effect even if he absolutely did not want to. “If you need some time to yourself, some time away from me, I think I could handle the kid for a few days.”

“Actually, I haven’t even thought about what your son would think until you brought it up. Regardless, I’m still staying tonight…” she assured him, and boy that was probably the best thing he heard since she politely declined to have any Valentine’s plans with him.

_So she’s staying for me and not just for the kid, something must have really clicked then._

“Thank you,” he whispered, kissing her knuckles reverently. “Pep, I want you to know that you’re always welcome here, you have always been welcome here. So don’t ever think that I don’t want you around, because I want you to stay…”

_This is your home, our home, and I want you with me. Always._

He would have added the thought but he dared not push the envelope any further for fear of making her feel overwhelmed. He was pushing things slowly, cautiously, although it did not make the truth any less real. Because the truth of the matter was, this house, it had always been _theirs._ There was a reason why he couldn’t live here after she left, why he couldn’t allow Mary to work in the same kitchen that Pepper did and so he ended up buying that house in Long Island instead, why as soon as he realized that he wanted out of his marriage he retreated to the same house that had always been his safe haven, and why on the very rare occasions that he did try to date in the last fifteen years he never brought anyone home. This was their home, Pepper and his. It had always belonged to them.

She smiled at him kindly and gave him a small nod, letting him know that she understood.

“Now will you please go shower? I don’t want to be late, Tony.”

“I will…” he said getting off the bed but never letting go of her hands, not until she was standing at the bathroom door and not until he had to close the door. “But only if you choose my boxers, too.”

“If I have to pick even _that,_ it leaves very little to my imagination then,” she countered because Pepper could hold her own against him, she always did.

“You're right, I should choose it myself. Maintain some of the mystery, you know? Keep the love alive.”

He grinned in that trademark half-endearing, half-lascivious way that only Tony Stark could manage to get away with, just as she rolled her eyes at him feigning exasperation.

Just like the old times.

\---- --- ----

“Maybe, next time, we should try walking instead,” Peter had suggested from the backseat of the Audi A8 as Tony drove into the early morning Monday traffic of Manhattan. “SI’s not really that far. It’s a 30 to 35 minute-walk from the house. Plus, it would be nice if you guys will be seen in public from time to time…”

“That’s a bit far considering I can drive to SI in 15 minutes, 10 if I don’t have a baby on board,” Tony teased, which earned him a scowl from Peter and a light chuckle from Pepper.

“Dad, I’m 14, I’m not a baby…” Peter whined although he actually did not see the point of even trying to protest. “Unless…” the kid trailed off, seeing an opening to finally tick off one of those theories he and MJ had, even the ones he least likely thought possible. “Unless you guys are having a baby, then by all means, Dad, please take your time, drive safely.”

Tony stole a sidelong glance at Pepper while he waited at the intersection for the light to turn green. He knew this could only go one way but for two different reasons – either they act awkwardly because of their lost lovechild or they act awkwardly because, well, they had not even reached the future children conversation yet. If only the kid knew that they were even _barely_ together right now…

Unexpectedly, and thankfully, Pepper was laughing and absolutely blushing at Peter’s remark. He had missed that laugh of hers and to see her blushing like that, he would do anything to see her like that every day. He regarded her thoughtfully and made a mental note, for when they’re finally in a good place in their relationship, to actually tell her that he would like a new baby and that he would be willing to beg her for it if he needed to. He stopped himself before he could allow his brain to conjure images of a little girl running towards Pepper while he chased the kid down in an Easter Bunny costume laughing and giggling…

“We’re not having a baby, Pete… yet. Unless we already are…” He quickly glanced at Pepper before hitting the gas as the light turned to green, gripping the wheel a little tighter than necessary as he steered the car in the direction of Park Avenue. “Are we, Pep? Are we pregnant?”

He was only teasing her and he was sure that they weren’t, not yet anyway. But he would be lying if he would not admit that there was a part of him, not a small part but a substantially significant part of him, which actually hoped that maybe, just maybe they really were. He thought it wouldn’t be so bad, in fact it would be absolutely perfect, and maybe it would also be his chance to finally make things right.

“We’re not,” Pepper replied twisting in her seat to smile kindly at Peter in the backseat. He glanced at the rearview mirror, wanting to see how Peter would react, and while his heart sank a bit when she told him no, the same heart bounced back when the boy actually looked upset with the idea that they were not.

“Why with the long face, kid? Do you want siblings?” he asked, trying to confirm his observation but disguising his intention under the pretense of teasing.

“Yes, but no pressure, though.” Peter smiled sheepishly at Pepper as he leaned forward in between the headrests of the driver and the passenger seats. “Just, hypothetically though, if you guys are having a baby, you’d tell me, right?”

“Well, a baby would be really difficult to hide, Pete,” he told him trying to deflect the question because they haven’t even told the kid about, well, the _other_ kid.

He pulled over in front of the SI lobby and quickly stepped out of the car to get Pepper’s door for her while Peter climbed out from the backseat. He tossed the keys at the valet and ushered her towards the VIP elevator before his son could further badger them about future siblings. Mercifully, Peter did not comment any further until they finally reached the R&D floors and the kid bid them goodbye, leaving him and Pepper in a somewhat awkward silence.

“Sorry about that…” he offered trying to break the quiet. “Peter’s a really good kid, but he could be quite a handful at times.”

“It’s okay, Tony. That’s nothing, really.” She smiled at him and much to his surprise, she looked more amused than annoyed. Yes, she was definitely more amused. “But just so you know, we’re really not pregnant.”

“We’re not?” he whined, not meaning to but he guessed one could call that a Freudian slip.

“We’re not,” she still had that smile on her face and he could swear that she was clearly not making fun of him. “Although, your disappointment’s quite interesting.”

She had stepped out of the elevator and headed straight in the direction of her office before he could say anything. He did manage to catch up with her and he noted that she was eyeing the calla lilies on Bambi’s desk.

“Those are beautiful, Bambi,” she remarked before reaching the door to her own office.

“They are, Ms. Potts. They’re actually from Mr. Kil—”

Tony noisily cleared his throat which made Pepper looked at him with her eyes narrowed and somewhat suspicious.

“—Arbogast,” Bambi blurted out when she remembered Tony’s request from the previous week. “They’re from my husband, Mr. Arbogast. In fact, I’ll just put them at the back. Excuse me, Ms. Potts, Mr. Stark.”

“Okay…” Tony segued as he ushered Pepper towards her own office, opening the door for her. “I know you have a lunch appointment so why don’t you get Happy to drive you? Take the Bentley. I’ll just drive myself to my appointment using the Audi.”

But she wasn’t listening, because she had noticed the bouquet of peonies and purple hyacinths sitting on her desk. She dropped her bag on her office chair and picked up the card that came with the flowers:

> _I’ll wait for the day when you can finally forgive me,_  
>  _But until then, please at least allow me to keep telling you that I love you…_  
>  _\- T.S._

“The old lady at the flower shop said that the purple hyacinths should convey that I am sorry, that it’s supposed to say ‘ _please forgive me_ …’” He approached her, warring with himself against holding her but he took a chance and placed his hands on her hips anyway while he fought the urge to pull her closer. He caught her gaze instead and he felt so relieved when she gave him a small smile in return. “I know we agreed that we won’t do anything today, but I promise you this is pretty much the extent of my gesture…and the chocolates, too,” he motioned at the golden boxes stacked beside the flowers. “I assure you, they’re strawberry-free.”

He kissed her on the cheek and he headed for the door only stopping when he heard her say, “Tony…”

“Pep, I meant what I said two nights ago.” He had decided to recount the night, despite knowing full well that she remembered his apologies but not the kiss, everything except the kiss. “I’m not expecting anything from you right now, and just like 20 years ago you don’t have to say it back…but at least allow me to tell you that I love you, because I still do.”

He turned on his heel, not wanting to look back because he was uncertain on whether his heart could take her reaction or not.

\---- --- ----

**11:30 AM:**

“Thank you.” Pepper smiled at the host who led her to her table at The Mark Restaurant along Madison Avenue.

She had just sat down and had just removed her scarf when the couple from the next table stood up to leave, allowing her to see one Anthony Edward Stark impatiently looking around and swirling his phone with his fingers just one table away from her. She shook her head unbelievingly and tried to look anywhere but straight ahead, but a sidelong glance confirmed that he had spotted her. He grinned at her, and she fought the exasperated sigh she felt was coming as he stood up and made his way towards her table. He looked really pleased to see her, and she was, too, but she couldn’t help but be suspicious. This was Tony after all.

“What are you doing here?” he asked her with a mischievous twinkle in his eye as he stood behind the chair in front of her, gripping it but not pulling it to take a seat, well, not yet. “Were you serious when you said yesterday that you could make lunch happen if I wanted to? Is that what this is, you’re making it happen?”

“Don’t try to be cute, Tony. I didn’t know you’ll be here.” She rolled her eyes at him and he clutched his left chest pretending to be hurt. “I’m supposed to meet a reporter from Vanity Fair, but apparently she’s running late. What about you?”

“I’m meeting a car agent, who’s also late.”

“A car agent? That excuse is a bit flimsy,” she jokingly chided him. “You have to try harder.”

“What? I didn’t know you’ll be here, too. I swear, you can ask Bambi if I peeked into your schedule, because I didn’t. Besides, I know you’d have my head if I messed with your meetings, and on top of that, you know that I could be working from home, but I like going to the office since yours is just next to mine and—”

“Tony, let’s not discuss that part right now, okay?” She cut him off, because he was rambling again. She had always found this nervous tell of his equal parts adorable and amusing.

“Okay,” he easily agreed without a fight. That part of Tony, the easily agreeable side, was becoming more and more visible to her every day and she couldn’t help but be soft about it.

_He’s really trying, isn’t he?_

“Can I interest you both in a glass of Dom, on the house? It’s a special Valentine’s treat for all of our guests,” a waiter had approached them bearing two flute glasses of champagne.

She chuckled lightly at the timing because there were two things that she never believed should exist in the same sentence – Tony Stark and coincidence.

“Sure, I guess one glass wouldn’t hurt,” he smiled kindly at the waiter and she thought it was too kindly than he would have done than usual. He took the seat in front of her and that was when she decided that sure, she could humor him.

“It’s not our fault that our dates are late,” she eyed him knowingly while she raised her glass at him.

He simply nodded quietly and smiled, not in his signature I-knew-you-couldn’t-resist-me way nor in a victorious nor triumphant way, but just…softly. From the looks of it, it then dawned on her that he really did not have a hand on this after all, this was just pure coincidence, apparently.

_Who would have thought, Tony Stark and coincidences._

The thought was almost surreal.

\---- --- ----

“Not bad planning on your part, Peter,” MJ commented as they watched Peter’s father and SI’s CEO casually chatting just a few tables away from them. They were strategically hidden from the adults by the restaurant’s bar area, but still allowing the kids a good vantage point to observe what was going on.

“See, I told you Dad would approach her when he sees her, he just wouldn’t be able to resist,” Peter quipped with a satisfied grin on his face. “That part’s easy, MJ. You just have to put Dad in a room with Ms. Potts and he would always go to her, like a moth attracted to a flame.”

“Except that was a pretty morbid analogy because you know, the flame could be the moth’s downfall and—”

“Okay…” Peter cut in, frowning at the thought even if he knew he should be accustomed to the way MJ’s brain worked by now. “We’re definitely not using that analogy.”

“Yah, we probably shouldn’t,” MJ agreed thoughtfully. “So…that’s step 1. On to step 2?”

“Okay, but…” Peter trailed off and he was fairly certain that if only MJ could see the gears working in his head, she would have shot him down before he could even make any attempt, any move. “Don’t you want to eat, order anything? It’s lunchtime and since we’re here anyway…”

“No need, nerd. Come on, we have to move, they might see us.”

“Okay…” Peter begrudgingly followed her as they sneaked to the other side of the restaurant to meet with their ‘step 2’ accomplices. “But next time though? You still owe me a second date.”

“Exactly. I owe you a _second_ date, not a Valentine’s date,” MJ smirked at him, clearly outwitting him, just like she always did.

“Tomayto, tomahto,” Peter pretentiously whined even as he shook his head good-naturedly.

Stark boys just really couldn’t seem to win lately.

\---- --- ----

“Pep, I would just like to apologize again, if I made things awkward. I’m really sorry about this morning,” Tony once again offered as he carefully reintroduced the topic of the morning’s car ride after they had pretty much covered the safe subjects – SI, his supposed appointment, and her supposed interview. “Peter’s a good kid, it’s just that sometimes he can be too honest, too, without thinking.”

“Did you mean the ‘having a baby’ comment? I told you, that’s nothing really.”

She was looking kindly at him, and he was trying to gauge her reaction to see if he could somehow broach the hopefully-not-far-future topic carefully. No, he wouldn’t dive into the topic straight ahead, this would be more like testing the waters, more like dipping a toe into the pool.

“Yes, and the future siblings comment.” He looked at her and although she avoided his gaze by pointedly directing her attention to the glass of champagne in front of her, she did not seem uncomfortable so he pressed on. “Sorry about that, too. It’s just that growing up, Peter was pretty much okay with being on his own and a lot of times, I’d sit with him and we’d build his Legos together or watch his favorite movies together, which we still do actually until now. But he had always been happier outside, when I’d bring him to feed the ducks in the park and there would also be other kids he could play with. I couldn’t bring him outside often, for security reasons, but he was always happier whenever we went out and there were other kids around.”

“And you understood Peter more than anyone else would, especially the desire to have siblings,” she answered thoughtfully, perhaps remembering the days when he would wonder out loud what it would be like if he had siblings as well.

“I did, yes, and I think he was four or five when he threw a tantrum because he got a life-size R2D2 for Christmas instead of the baby brother or sister he told me he asked Santa for.” He chuckled at the memory and was also relieved that Pepper found his story genuinely amusing, devoid of any motives.

“And how did you resolve that tantrum?” she asked curiously, and he was glad that their unresolved issue was not rearing its head in spite of their conversation’s topic.

“Well, I couldn’t put the blame on Santa, right? That would just be too cruel. So I sat him down and told him that only daddies and mommies can give children their siblings, and when he figured out that he couldn’t have any because we’re lacking one important factor, he cried for days,” he recounted wistfully. “You know, I thought that I’d really want another child right there and then and not just because Peter was throwing a tantrum. I’ve always wanted more kids, but I couldn’t. I mean, I can, but the stars were not exactly lining up then…”

“That was quite the birds and the bees talk,” Pepper remarked lightly, although there was a shadow passing over her eyes as she continued, “I’m really sorry, Tony…”

He was so unsure what she was being sorry for – Was it for keeping the baby from him now that she knew he had always wanted more kids? Or for depriving Peter of the chance to have his brother possibly growing up with him? Or could it be because their current predicament could be pivotal regarding the certainty or uncertainty of their future together?

“It’s not your fault,” he assured her just as soon as he had decided that he should probably let her know why he was talking about it. “It’s just that, I have given up on it a long time ago and I never felt like something was missing, but when Peter brought it up this morning, not only did I realize that the kid has yet to let the idea go but that I also haven’t…” He was staring at his champagne the whole time and he stole a glance only to see her eyeing him thoughtfully so he held her gaze and decided to take a chance. “You know, a new baby would be wonderful…in the future.”

Probably he was being too forward, considering everything that she had been through not just fifteen years ago but also everything that happened between them in the last three months since she came back. Probably he was skipping a reasonable number of significant steps including waiting for her to forgive him, making peace with the loss of their lovechild, talking about their issues, and actually asking her to marry him. He was definitely being too forward by assuming that she would still consider the idea of having a child with him, but this would be the endgame, wasn’t it? Family, and he couldn’t imagine, couldn’t want, anyone else to do it with other than Pepper.

She was contemplating him and he couldn’t get a read on her, other than the fact that he was sure she wasn’t scared nor angry. So maybe she was considering it, too, maybe now that he put the idea out there in the open, she might be giving it some thought as well.

He had no idea how to proceed but he was glad that he had at least told her, let her know that he really would be in this for the long haul, this time. But he also hated putting her on the spot, and so he was more than thankful for the interruption from an elderly couple who had just been seated in the table next to theirs.

“Excuse me, but we just wanted to tell you that we think you make a lovely couple,” the elderly woman, who reminded him so much of their old family butler’s wife, smiled warmly at them.

“Who, us?” Tony asked, clearly feigning surprise which made the woman chuckle lightly.

“Oh, we’re actually—” Pepper attempted to protest, although for whatever reason, Tony wouldn’t want to know. They were actually a couple anyway, albeit a problematic one.

“Guess how many years we’ve been together?” the husband asked, not letting go of his wife’s hands.

“Fifty!” the woman cut in, not giving them a chance to take a guess at all. “We were high school sweethearts, and we’ve been together ever since. I met him when I was only sixteen.”

“Best fifty years of my life!” the husband quipped proudly.

He glanced at Pepper who was still eyeing the elderly couple thoughtfully and when she finally caught him staring, he simply smiled back at her, choosing to keep his thoughts to himself, for now.

_I want what they have, I want that for us…_

“Sorry, but I don’t think we ordered this…” Pepper interrupted his thoughts as she was politely telling the waiter, who had approached their table bringing two chocolate cream desserts served on martini glasses, that they had not ordered those.

“It’s also on the house, for all our guests,” the waiter smiled kindly at them, placing the glasses on their table and leaving before they could even say another word.

“You know,” Tony looked around at the other tables, narrowing his eyes as a thought occurred to him. He took out his phone to shoot a message to his assistant. “I don’t see any other tables here with this dessert.”

“And it’s strange that neither one of our meetings showed up,” Pepper took out her phone as well to get in touch with Bambi.

“So my assistant just told me that somebody called my car agent to cancel just two hours ago…” He scrolled over to Peter’s name and pressed call but it kept ringing until it eventually went to voicemail. He tried again.

“And Bambi just texted me that Vanity Fair wanted to reschedule.”

“Gee, I wonder who could call all those people and get away with it,” he deadpanned as he put the phone down, giving up on Peter ever answering his calls. The kid probably already knew why he was calling anyway.

“Did you do this?” Pepper was glaring at him now, boardroom voice and all.

“What? No! I was talking about Peter, he could get away with everything because…well, he’s a lot like me, maybe only less charming but younger.” He saw Pepper rolled her eyes at him and he would have laughed if he did not know that she hated it when people mess with her schedule. “I didn’t tell him to scheme, and believe me this is the first time he did such a thing.”

“Is Peter okay?”

He noticed that she had softened a bit and that she was actually concerned, which made him half-jealous and half-glad - jealous because had it been him who messed with her schedule, she would not have let him walked away that easily, and glad because she really did have a soft spot for his son. He never did deserve her, really.

“He is, he’s just worried about us, I think.” He thought about it, and he honestly had no idea if he should thank the kid or not. “Anyway, since we’re already here, how about I treat you to a proper lunch?”

She smiled at him, and yes, maybe he should really thank the kid after all.

\---- --- ----

**1:00 PM:**

“Dad, how was your lunch meeting? Got a new car coming?”

Tony walked into his office, just right after Pepper had stepped into hers, to find Peter sitting in his chair obviously waiting for him, with a look of pure innocence on his boyish face. He closed the door behind him and took a seat on the other side of his desk before regarding the kid evenly.

“You can stop, I know that you cancelled our meetings and set me up with Pepper.”

“But it was an act of goodwill,” Peter defended, giving Tony that brown-eyed puppy look he knew always worked, _especially_ on his father. “Did it work?”

“Kid, we didn’t make plans because Pep’s busy, not to mention that we still have those issues to work on,” Tony patiently told him. He appreciated the kid’s gesture, but he didn’t want to pressure Pepper as well. “Those issues aren’t going away anytime soon, not even with some champagne or some dessert—”

“Not even two old fake high school sweethearts?”

“They weren’t real?” Tony couldn’t believe it.

“Community theater,” the kid shrugged petulantly.

Tony sighed deeply as he watched Peter’s shoulders sank defeatedly. He hated getting the kid all worked up over his and Pepper’s issues, but the only thing that he could assure him about was that they’re still together, trying to navigate…everything.

“Look, Pete. I appreciate the help, but I have to work for Pepper’s forgiveness on my own.”

“Forgiveness?” Peter’s brows shot up as quickly as he had said the word. The boy looked alarmed, and Tony wanted to kick himself for the slip he had made. “What did you _really_ do, Dad? Just how _bad_ are those issues?”

_A lot, kid. She lost your brother because I basically drove her out of New York, I didn’t pick up the damn phone just when she needed me the most, and then there’s the kidnapping in Cornwall because I saw red when I found out about the baby and I couldn’t think straight…_

“Just…just trust me on this, okay?” Tony pleaded, wondering what Peter would think of him if he found out about the other kid and not liking the possibility.

_Pepper’s right, it’s really best that we just never tell Peter._

He stood up to usher the kid out of his office, trying to hide his worry with a calm façade. He tapped the kid on the shoulder and he was just relieved when Peter stood up without a fight and headed for the door.

“Don’t worry about us, kid, we’re going to be okay. In fact, I think we’re getting there and today’s lunch helped, believe me.” He clapped Peter’s shoulder one last time before sending the boy away, “Now go, I heard you’re needed in R&D. Pepper and I will see you after work, okay?”

All he heard was a barely audible “Okay,” before Peter disappeared behind his office doors.

\---- --- ----

> _Peter: MJ, looks like we’ll need to do Step 3 after all. Stark Tower before 5:00 PM?_

Peter had stepped out of his father’s office but instead of heading straight for the elevator and going back to R&D, he stopped at Bambi’s desk and waited for Pepper’s assistant to finish her phone call. He had just pressed send on his message for MJ when Bambi smiled at him expectantly, probably wondering what he needed.

“Mrs. Arbogast, hi. I need a favor. This is for Step 3, you know, of operation Valentine’s Day.”

“Didn't the lunch date go well?” Bambi asked worriedly, and it amazed Peter on just how many other people were really rooting for his father and Pepper.

“I think it went okay, but it could’ve been better,” he admitted truthfully. “Anyway, I need a guy, a trustworthy one, from the tower’s engineering.”

“Give me a minute, I’ll check the roster and we’ll see who can help you.”

Bambi more than happily started typing on her computer to pull out a list of the employees and tediously scrolled through it, trying to decide who could best help Peter. She was about to pause searching when her phone rang, but Peter beat her to it as he picked the phone and motioned for her to continue.

“I got this, Mrs. Arbogast, just continue looking.” He then clutched the receiver to his ear, addressing the person on the other end in the most professional way a fourteen year-old could manage to sound, “Good afternoon, you’ve reached the office of Ms. Virginia Potts, Stark Industries CEO, how may I help you?”

_“Hi, this is from the Cornwall Inn. We are calling because we would like to know if maybe Ms. Potts would like to reschedule her previous reservation? She made a reservation with us last January but since she never arrived, we would like to accommodate any changes she would like to make, free of charge, seeing as she’s one of our VIP clients…”_

“Hang on a second,” Peter gently placed the receiver on top of Bambi’s desk as he really tried to not overthink what happened in Connecticut. “Mrs. Arbogast, they’re trying to reach Ms. Potts about a hotel reservation. Anyway, do you have a name for me?”

“Yes, Peter, here.” She handed him a note with a name and an office floor, “You can trust that guy, he’s my husband’s friend.”

“Thank you, just don’t mention anything to my father or to Ms. Potts.”

“Of course, Peter,” Bambi smiled at him as she picked up the receiver and Peter turned on his heel to head for the elevators.

 _They never made it to Cornwall,_ he thought anxiously. _What did you do, Dad?_

\---- --- ----

**6:00 PM:**

“You know that you could’ve just asked Ned for help, right?” MJ remarked as they sat in the tower’s control room located at the lower ground floor, watching the live feeds from the surveillance cameras trained to the hallway of his father’s office floor and inside the VIP elevator.

“I know, but Ned’s in San Francisco with his family,” Peter turned to gaze at MJ instead, temporarily taking a break from his hawk-like vigil over the live feeds. “And even if he was in New York, I’d still pick you because I like you… I mean, you’re better, you’re a girl, I could use some inputs from that department.” He quickly amended, turning his attention back to the video feed to prevent MJ from getting a good look of his face, because he was pretty certain he was being too obvious.

“Sure you do,” MJ sounded nonchalant and he was just thankful that she seemed to be taking everything in stride. There was just too much going on in his head right now, and the last thing he needed was to lose MJ as a friend just because some feelings might be unrequited.

“Right on schedule,” he remarked as he watched the live feed showing his father and Pepper heading for the VIP elevators that will take them to the ground floor. “Okay, let’s get to work.”

\---- --- ----

“Hey, sorry, I know it’s late. I just finished some stuff.” Pepper looked exhausted as she grabbed her bag and made her way to Tony, who was waiting for her by her office’s doorway.

“No, it’s not a problem. I mean, the only problem is that you work hard, perhaps too hard it’s making you exhausted.” He paused when the lights in the office started to flicker and fluctuate, “Oh…that’s troubling.”

“Maybe we should just go,” Pepper offered as they walked towards the lift and Tony pressed the button to call the elevator up. They stood there for a while in awkward silence until Tony decided to break the ice.

“I know I said you look exhausted, but you still look beautiful, as always. Have I told you today that you look good?”

He was babbling nonsense, but he couldn’t help it. After the kind of day they had had, from the morning car ride to the impromptu lunch date, there was really nothing much left of the _safe_ topics they could talk about. Nonetheless, that didn’t make the compliment any less true.

“Thank you,” she smiled at him politely, and the silence between them was making him wonder if he should again offer dropping her off at her own apartment instead of going back to his home, _their_ home.

“I feel like I don’t tell you that enough,” he lifted his chin to gaze at her, only to find her pointedly looking at the elevator’s floor number indicator. “I should tell you that more often…” he trailed off, but seeing that it earned him a soft smile on her face, he felt encouraged.

_Maybe she really still wants to come home with me today._

The lift finally arrived and they spent the next few seconds in complete silence, avoiding each other’s gaze, while the elevator descended for a few floors. Their offices were located on the 78th floor of the 93-storey tower, and by the time they reached the 55th floor, the lift just stopped working.

“What’s going on?”

“I’m not sure.” He noted that all the lights seemed to be working so that effectively ruled out a power interruption in spite of the fluctuating electricity he noted just before they got in the elevator. “It’s not a blackout, it’s either we’re stuck due to a mechanical problem or somebody stopped the elevator on purpose.”

“On purpose? Who did you hire this time, Tony?”

“What? No one, I swear.” He looked at her, she wasn’t glaring at him really but she never really forgot his elevator trick from two decades ago. “I didn’t corner you here just to tell you that I love you, unlike some 20 years ago. Besides, I could always tell you that anytime, anywhere, even if you refuse to hear it…just yet.”

She softened a bit at that and he could see that she actually believed him this time. He turned his attention instead at the two-way intercom system and pressed the button so that the staff in the control room could actually hear him.

“This is Tony Stark and I’m sure you could verify that from the video feed. Who stopped the VIP elevator?” When there was no response from the control room, he bit his lip before continuing, “If I find out that somebody messed with the elevator, I’m firing them.”

_“You’re not firing anyone, Dad. I won’t tell you who helped me. Besides, you can’t fire me, I’m an unpaid intern.”_

“Will you look at that,” Pepper smiled at him in that way she always did when she knew that she or basically anyone else had outsmarted him. “Peter really _is_ your son.”

“I can’t believe he did this. I can’t believe he went behind my back and got people who work for me to help him.” He was actually annoyed but kind of proud, it was a very confusing mix of feelings. “That is ridiculous, who does that?”

“You?” Pepper countered rather amusedly. “This isn’t any different from your No Strawberry Policy at the cafeteria, which I’m revoking soon, by the way. How did you even get that approved?”

_Why is she so amused?_

Seeing Pepper like that, he noted that the annoyance and the bit of anger were leaving him as swiftly as they had poured out. He would still have to talk to Peter, though, but he wasn’t truly angry, at all.

“I slipped the memo in Dad’s office, had him sign it while he was drunk, and voila.”

“And you wonder where Peter’s mischief gene came from? He can’t be a hundred percent golden boy, he’s bound to have inherited some parts from you.”

“You mean the good ones, right?” Pepper laughed at his remark and boy, he missed that sound, so much. “The good looks, the genius, the charming personality, sure. And the taste in women, I approve of that, too.”

_“Um, Dad… MJ can hear you, please shut up now.”_

“Well, that’s the price you have to pay for doing…this.” He eyed the camera, somehow hoping that the kid would realize that while he wasn’t angry, this still wasn’t okay. “You know, I can just mechanic my way out of here, right?”

_“Maybe, but you shouldn’t.”_

“Why is that?”

_“Can you please just finally talk about your issues and be done with it? Can you just apologize, Dad, so Ms. Potts can forgive you already?”_

He could hear the desperation in the kid’s voice, it was almost tangible even over the intercom so much so that he could very well picture the kid’s begging, brown eyes. He looked down, avoiding Pepper and avoiding the camera, feeling guiltier than ever because he knew he had been ignoring their problems for far too long now. It had been almost a month since Connecticut, and he had spent that time grieving the loss of the son he didn’t know about and punishing himself in his own personal hell. He had been telling Pepper he was sorry every night that she was with him, and at every opportunity that he could get, but in the last month he had not been truly there for her either. Because the truth was he was afraid of what she would say, because he knew that she knew that she deserved someone better, and that someone was definitely not him. He knew that the overwhelming odds were indicating that he was going to lose her in the end.

He glanced at Pepper who had now retreated to one corner of the elevator, arms crossed protectively in front of her and eyeing him carefully. He caught her gaze and he hoped that she knew how truly sorry he was, even if the word had been so overused by him by now it possibly sounded empty already.

“It’s not as simple as that, kid.”

He heard Peter’s defeated sigh from the other end and when the kid finally spoke, he sounded so crushed that it almost broke Tony’s heart.

_“Anyway, the cameras and the intercom will be temporarily offline for maintenance so you guys can talk privately. Is an hour enough?”_

“Peter, don’t do this…” he could only hope that he sounded as calm and not at all threatening.

As if on cue, and before the boy could even respond, the lights in the cab as well as the panel lights went out just as the emergency lights came on. Tony frustratingly and repeatedly pressed the intercom button but to no avail, for even a static hum could not be heard from the other end of the coms.

“Maintenance doesn’t involve switching to emergency lights, does it?” Pepper asked, eyeing the dim blue emergency lights inside the cab.

“I think it’s a blackout,” Tony confirmed just as his phone started to buzz and seeing that Peter was calling, he put him on loudspeaker. “Kid? You’re on speakerphone. Where are you?”

_“Dad, we’re at the lower ground floor control room so we can just take the stairs to the lobby, don’t worry. I’m sorry, but this is not my meddling anymore. There’s a blackout but the staff already made some calls and they said they’ll send someone. It might just take a while, though, because it’s a city-wide blackout. Can’t we use the generators?”_

“No, the generators allow for limited emergency use so they’re not programmed to the VIP lift since very few people ride this.” The whole time, Tony wanted to kick himself in the head, because really, Stark Industries could do better than this, _way_ better than this.

_“But we already made calls, they’ll send someone. I’m so sorry, Ms. Potts.”_

“It’s okay, Peter, don’t worry,” Pepper reassured the kid, and he was just glad that she did so, too, because Peter actually sounded so guilty. “It’s not your fault.”

“We’ll see you later, kid, okay?”

_“Okay, Dad. Sorry, again.”_

“It’s okay. Love you, kiddo.”

The call ended and he noticed that Pepper had stepped out of her suede Louboutin’s and had also shrugged off her coat. He did the same with his suit jacket and folded his dress shirt’s sleeves at the elbows, while he eyed the hatch in the cab’s ceiling. He was thinking of trying to pry the hatch open, if possible.

“I guess this is fate telling us we can’t avoid talking about Los Angeles anymore,” Pepper interrupted him while he was busily eyeballing the height he would need to climb to reach the ceiling.

“No, this is fate telling us that I should’ve fast-tracked the use of the arc reactor technology to power the entire building,” he argued absent-mindedly, “I’ve been so distracted lately, I should’ve made that my priority project.”

“Tony, just stop. There are probably a lot of other people stuck in elevators in the city so we’re going to be in here for a while anyway, so we might as well talk. You’ve avoided this long enough. What did you do in LA for three weeks?”

He heard Pepper, but he chose to ignore her interrogation for the moment while it occurred to him that this was probably payback for trapping her in an elevator some twenty years ago just because she had been avoiding him from telling her he loved her. She must be realizing the reversal of fortunes right now and he was pretty sure that he wouldn’t be able to deflect anymore unless he managed to get them out of the cab. Hence, opening that hatch would be priority number one, and he tried to do just that by jumping and trying to push through the ceiling, hoping that the hatch would eventually give out.

“What are you doing?” Pepper demanded, but what did she expect, really? That he would simply stay put and wait for the power to come back? He had far too much anxiety to even be able to stay put, let alone be idle.

“I’m getting us out of here.”

He was getting breathless from repeatedly jumping and attempting to push the hatch open, but the alternative would be talking about the baby and he couldn’t do that, he didn’t want to do that just yet.

“Someone’s coming, Peter said so.”

“Yeah? And you’re fine to just wait for that?”

“Yes.”

“Of course, you are. Because somebody always saves Pepper Potts and that somebody was not and will never be me!”

The words were out of his mouth before he could even process what he was saying, but in a way, he knew it was the truth. It was one of his many, many regrets, and he envied Rhodes for being there for her when he should’ve been the one who comforted her, who took care of her, who held her hand when they buried his child, _their_ child. He was expecting a glare at best and a look of hatred at worst, but she simply looked at him kindly and sadly. She didn’t even look like she was about to cry, she was just…sad.

“That’s not fair, Tony,” she said softly, catching his eye and willing him to hold her gaze, those blue eyes that had nothing but understanding in them. “You weren’t in LA, there was nothing you could’ve done.”

“Really? Because I could enumerate a lot of things that I should’ve done differently.”

He jumped once more and he finally managed to push the hatch open. He then leapt and grabbed at the edge of the escape hatch while he tried to plant his feet on the cab’s handrails.

“Tony, will you please stop? Just…just get down here.”

“Why?”

“Because you know that it’s dangerous to escape through the top hatch since the power could come back anytime.”

He knew that she was trying to reason with him and he had to admit that she was right. Of course he knew that, he was an engineer after all, but he also needed to do something, anything to get them out of the cab.

“Tony, get down here, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“You really care?” he asked breathlessly as he tried to grab the edge of the top hatch once more.

“Just because we have issues, Tony, it doesn’t mean that I’ll just stop caring. You’re an idiot to even entertain that idea.”

He knew she was probably rolling her eyes at him right now but before he could even confirm it, his hand slipped causing him to fall down on his side and scraping the back of his right hand against the handrails in the process. He grimaced as he tried to pull himself into a sitting position, noting that majority of the impact was absorbed by his right shoulder as he leaned his back against the wall. His shoulder hurt like hell, but he was distracted by the fact that Pepper had rushed to sit on the floor beside him, frowning at the sight of his hand and at the way he clutched his shoulder.

 _She really does care after all,_ he affirmed, wondering why he ever thought otherwise.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine,” he assured her while he rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes as he tried to catch his breath.

“Are you sure?”

“I visited Andros…” he told her softly, but he kept his eyes closed because he didn’t want to see the look on her face, he wasn’t sure how she would react or if he could bear to see it. “I went to LA to visit Andros…” He much preferred saying it that way, somehow it hurt a bit less compared to saying he visited his son’s grave.

“And?” she prodded meekly, hesitantly.

“I didn’t feel at peace. I only felt guilty and I felt like I’m the worst father in the world.” He opened his eyes to look at her, dark brown eyes begging her to take him out of his misery. “I went to visit him every day for three weeks until I just couldn’t bear it anymore.”

“I’m not exactly blameless either,” Pepper told him without a hint of doubt, “I know that things could’ve been different had I not kept the baby from you.”

“Yeah, you could’ve saved me from a very expensive first marriage, you know?” He offered her a small smile, somehow already feeling lighter that he had at least finally opened up to her about the last three weeks.

“I’m sure you were able to afford it, and you had Peter.”

“Yes, but I still would’ve been a father to him even if I didn’t marry his mother.”

He regarded her for a while and when it seemed that she didn’t have anything to say, he took it as an opportunity to ask something that had been bothering him all this time.

“Pep, I understand keeping the baby from me fifteen years ago, but you had a lot of time, years, to tell me about him. But you didn’t, and to think that you almost married Killian just so I wouldn’t find out?”

“You kept me on a pedestal.” It was her turn to look away and she bowed her head to avoid his gaze. “I thought that if you knew about the truth and about the accident, you’d never look at me again.”

“Hey…” he reached out to tilt her chin, coaxing her to look at him. “Nothing compares to every single horrible thing that I did to you. What I did was worse and I realized now that it was just right that you kept the baby away from me, I didn’t deserve the both of you.”

He cupped her face and she leaned in to his touch before taking his hand in hers, rubbing it affectionately.

“I’ve wanted to forgive you, for what happened fifteen years ago. I’ve wanted to forgive you even if I was yet to be back in New York…”

“So what is it that you couldn’t forgive me for?” he asked, fearing that he already knew the answer.

“What you did? Bringing me to Cornwall?” She gently rubbed at the hand still in hers, gazing at it intently and not wanting to meet his gaze, “I understood your anger and your pain, but I never imagined that you could do those things and say those things…”

“Pep…”

She shook her head sadly as she finally forced out the words that he had been dreading to hear from her ever since Connecticut, “I’ve never been scared of what you could do to me until then.”

He knew he was not a good man, but he never thought that he could be a monster. He cringed just thinking that he had hurt her, abandoned her, and now he had made her feel vulnerable around him…

“You have to believe me when I tell you that I haven’t forgiven myself for what I did fifteen years ago, and for what I did to you in Cornwall.” He paused, trying to pull himself together as he braced himself for her answer, “Pep, do you feel safe around me?”

“I want to be…”

Somehow he knew about it, at the back of his mind he had always known, but it still felt as if somebody had slapped him in the face so hard. He understood now why she opted to stay in her apartment after Connecticut, why she had wanted to stay in the guestroom back at the house, and why she was often quiet whenever she was alone with him.

But he knew that she was trying, too. In fact, the weekend had proven just that. So there could be a chance, he could still turn this around.

“Then, I’ll work on it…I’ll work on making you feel safe,” he resolutely promised. “I’m really sorry about what happened in Cornwall. What I did was wrong, but at that time it was easier to focus on my anger than working on the thing that I’ve always wanted.”

“What you’ve always wanted?” she finally met his gaze, and he wasted no time in telling her the truth.

“You. It’s always you. Pep, I lo—”

“Tony, don’t.”

“Why do you keep fighting this?”

“Because maybe it’s too soon to have real feelings for you. It’s been only a month since Aldrich and I’d been with him for a couple of years.”

He almost laughed at what she said, because really, he knew she could come up with a better excuse than that. So what if she was with Killian for a couple of years? They had known each other for over two decades and they had been, for lack of a better term, fooling around ever since she came back to New York three months ago. And when in doubt, he could always go back to the night of the concert, because he knew that there was absolutely no way that she could have faked that when she slept with him…

“But did you ever consider that maybe those feelings never really went away? What’s really stopping you, Pep?”

“Because I’m scared and I want to protect myself,” she sighed as she admitted the truth. “It took me a long time and countless therapy sessions to get over what happened, to get over you.”

“And did you? Get over me?” He breathed a sigh of relief when she gave him a small smile and gently shook her head no. “I’m done being terrible to you. That was a rookie mistake I kept doing for five years, and fifteen years later I’ve learned my lesson.” He reached out to take her hand in his, gently rubbing at her knuckles. “Although you have to know I’m still paying for it.”

“Well, I much prefer you this way, the not terrible kind.”

“Ditto, the feeling’s mutual.”

\---- --- ----

“I’m really sorry about today,” Peter told MJ as they climbed the stairs from the lower ground floor to the tower’s lobby. “I know this was probably not the kind of day you expected when I asked for your help at the Cardiac Ball.”

“It’s okay, Peter. There’s scheming and accomplices and elevators and city-wide blackout, all in all it was an interesting day. What’s not to like?”

She was smiling kindly, and somewhat shyly, at him, very un-MJ-like to tell the truth, but he liked that smile. It was different, and it was for him.

“MJ, I…”

She raised her brows at him and what he really wanted to say was, _I really like you_ , but then…

“I really should walk you home.”

“Nah, they need you. Stay here, Peter. Wait for them.”

It was not a brush off and he knew that, and he was thankful because she really understood him, didn’t she? And that only made her more amazing in his book.

“But I’ll call you later?” he asked, hoping he was not overwhelming her at all.

“Sure, you do that.”

He sank into the couch at the Stark Industries lobby, watching her walk away and he couldn’t help but think that it was almost uncanny how he and his father kept meeting somebody as amazing as MJ and Pepper. He smiled thoughtfully, because apparently, where it mattered the most, Stark boys did seem to win after all.

\---- --- ----

“Pep, I need to know, when you came back, was it really to start anew or were you coming home back to me, somehow?”

They were sitting side by side with their backs against the wall, trying to wait it out until the blackout would end, but more importantly finally communicating, laying all their cards on the table, no-holds-barred.

“Honestly, I didn’t know. I wasn’t expecting that there will be a choice, but I guess a part of me was still hoping then that there would be. Although when I did come to New York, I didn’t know if—”

“If I still feel the same?” he cut in, unable to control himself as he got comforted by the fact that she never really did close her doors on him, on them. “I still do. I didn’t realize it then, but I haven’t been really able to get you out of my head. I was hoping that when I saw you I would know that I did the right thing fifteen years ago, but it didn’t feel that way at all. I missed that little laugh of yours.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, until Tony reached for her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers as if she was the anchor that was keeping him afloat, because in a way, she really was.

“I’ve forgiven you, you know?” he told her pensively. “The night of the Cardiac Ball when, in spite of everything I did to you, I saw how proud you were of me when I made that speech. I knew that I never blamed you for the accident and the only thing that I was really angry about was that you kept the baby from me. But I then understood why you left, so I forgave you. I just really wished you had told me.”

“I can’t change what happened, Tony.”

“Me neither.”

He let go of her hand as she moved to wrap her arms around his own in a snuggle before resting her head on his good shoulder.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything when you told me you love me,” she sounded tearful, but he didn’t want to look at her to know.

“But do you…still love me? Somehow?”

“I can’t imagine a day that I won’t.”

“But you’re scared…” It wasn’t a question. He knew that she was, but he had to know, “Why?”

“Because sometimes I wonder, what if it was really over between us fifteen years ago? What if we only needed to see each other again so that we’d realize that it was truly over?”

He didn’t want to dwell on the thought, because he refused to believe that he only saw her again just so there would be closure between them. He wasn’t sure if he believed in fate but he did believe in second chances, and he got his second chance, right here…

“I don’t think so…” he refuted, really trying not to think that she sounded as if she was breaking up with him, for good this time. “But what happens now?”

“I don’t really feel like talking about it anymore,” she whispered, moving closer to breathe him in, not wanting to let go.

“Yeah, me neither.”

He didn’t know how long they sat there in silence but he couldn’t shake the feeling that as soon as she stepped out of this elevator, that would be good bye. The thought terrified him. He had no idea how to convince her anymore, but this was their second chance, his only chance…

The panel lights and the lights in the cab came on and there was a quiet hum before they felt the elevator slowly started to descend – _55, 54, 53, 52…_ – the floor indicator working like a countdown to bring them back to the ground, to reality. They slowly stood up, and he helped her step into her shoes and put on her coat. She turned to face him afterwards, and it bothered him that he couldn’t get a read on her.

“You know I guess the idea of this child always made me feel connected to you,” she told him longingly, her blue eyes gazing at him sadly. “And I guess a part of me never gave up on the idea that we would finally be together, eventually. But maybe, these things also happened because we weren’t really meant to be a family.”

The image of the little girl with the big brown eyes and dark brown hair he had conjured that morning came back to him in an instant. He was still chasing after the kid, but just when he was able to catch up to her, he could see her fading right in front of his eyes. He felt his heart sank as an old memory echoed in his head, haunting him back…

_I always thought that when I do have a kid it will be with you…_

The sound of the elevator doors opening pulled him from his thoughts before they stepped out of the lift and slowly walked towards the lobby. He was already considering offering to take her back to her apartment instead, when he saw Peter who had already fallen asleep on the lobby’s couch waiting for them, and that was when it hit him.

It came in random flashes – Pepper watching the boy ate his waffles while she brushed the hair from his eyes, the hug he saw them share at the kitchen, the afternoon they spent going through Peter’s baby photos, the board games and movie marathons, the weekend at MoMA, the car rides…

“Maybe we are,” he told her suddenly, and when he saw the look of confusion on her face, he pressed on, staring at the sleeping boy instead. “You said that maybe we weren’t meant to be a family, but what if we are? What if we already are?”

He glanced at her, a look of understanding seemingly crossed her features as she looked at the kid but she didn’t say anything back. Instead, she went over to gently wake the boy and he followed at her heels.

“Hey, Peter,” Pepper gently tapped the boy on the shoulder, brushing away the curls that always got to his eyes. “Let’s go home.”

“So everything’s okay? All is forgiven?” the boy asked, trying to rub the sleep from his eyes.

Tony, for his part, didn’t really know what to tell the kid, so he kept his head low as if waiting for his own verdict.

“We’re working on it,” he heard Pepper told the kid, and he hoped in his heart that things weren’t really over between them.

\---- --- ----

** 10:30 PM: **

“You’re home?”

“Yeah, I’m home,” Peter told MJ as he clutched the phone to his ear before tiredly slumping onto his bed, finally feeling the strain from the whole day. “Dad and Ms. Potts seem different, so I guess they’re finally able to talk about their issues.”

“But?”

He smiled in spite of her question, she really knew him well, didn’t she?

“But I also found out today that that they never made it to their reservation in Cornwall.”

“They were gone for four days so where did they go?”

“I don’t know, I don’t even know if I should find out.” He sighed deeply, biting his lip before he continued, “MJ…thank you for today, for everything.”

“It’s no problem, really.”

He thought about what he should tell her, but he decided to take the risk anyway.

“I know it’s nothing but a corporate holiday to you but for what it’s worth, Happy Valentine’s. I really had a great time today.”

“You, too, nerd. You, too.”

\---- --- ----

Tony stepped out of the shower, wearing his usual white undershirt and sweatpants, and was actually surprised to see Pepper waiting for him, sitting cross-legged on his bed. He honestly thought she would already be asleep by the time he was finished, so when she motioned for him to sit in front of her, he asked the first thing that came to his mind.

“Do you want me to drop you off at your apartment tonight? It’s not that late.”

“Why would I want that?”

That was actually a good point considering she was already wearing silk shorts and an MIT shirt, _his_ MIT shirt. He watched as she reached for the first aid kit she must have placed on the nightstand and laid the contents neatly on the bed, one by one.

“Because you said maybe we weren’t meant to be a family, so I guess that could only mean that you’re breaking up with me.” He studied her carefully, but she was not giving anything away. “I’ll handle Peter, we won’t have to keep up appearances anymore.”

“I agree…” she placed a small towel on her knee and reached for his wounded hand, placing it above the towel as she poured antiseptic on it. “I agree that we don’t have to keep up appearances anymore, because, like what you said back in the office, maybe we already are a family.”

He stared at her and he couldn’t help but wonder if he had heard her right. He wanted to ask her to repeat what she had just said, but she seemingly wanted to look so absorbed with cleaning his wounds and gashes that he didn’t want to interrupt. That, and he feared that if he said anything, she would change her mind.

“I do remember kissing you, two nights ago…” she whispered softly as she started to put some gauze before carefully wrapping his hand with bandages. “In fact that was all I could think about.”

“Why did you pretend you didn’t remember?”

“Because…”

“Because you’re scared, aren’t you? You’re scared I’m not in this for the long haul. You’re scared of what I did and could do to you. Pep, I love you. I know that I hurt you a lot, but I’m working on it and I’m trying—”

“I know…” she placed a finger on his lips, cutting him off, while she offered him a small smile in an attempt to reassure him. “I know, Tony.”

“I’ll do anything for you, just say the word, anything you want,” he knew he was being his usual hyperverbal self but he couldn’t help it. “I won’t touch you, I’ll sleep on the floor, I’ll take the guestroom… We could even take a break if you want, I think I’ll be able to handle that…but no, I probably won’t be able to handle that.”

“Tony…”

“I just don’t want you to be scared of me, I—”

And then she kissed him, chastely then passionately as she leaned forward to rest her hands on his arms. He wanted to pull her closer, to wrap his arms around her, but he had to be sure, he had to know…because Tony Stark was nothing if not thorough.

“This is not a kiss good bye, right?” he asked breathlessly when she finally pulled away to rest her forehead against his. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to still his heart. “Because I think I need to know for sure.”

“It’s not good bye, I’m not breaking up with you. But can we just skip the details for tonight?” She pulled away so he could see that she was actually smiling back at him. “Can you just be kissing me now?”

He reached up, capturing her chin with his thumb and finger to angle her face and to part her lips as he kissed her, unhurried and deliberate, deep and all consuming. He groaned down her throat when her arms twisted around his neck, and before he could pull her closer, he broke the kiss, burying his face against her neck instead.

“Pep, honey…” he muttered softly as he felt her pulse quickened where he had planted soft kisses on her neck. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“I know…” she tried to soothe him as she slid beneath the covers, pulling him next to her. He then draped an arm around her waist while he rested his head at the crook of her neck, just breathing her in.

“Pep?” he kissed her jaw before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep, “I'm glad I’m the one you come home to.”

* * *

** February 15, Tuesday, 2:30 AM: **

_Tony was driving along a deserted highway after coming from a business function somewhere in Rodeo Drive. The clock on the dashboard read 10:55 in the evening, and a quick glance at the passenger seat confirmed his assumption that Pepper had finally dozed off, exhausted. He reached for her left hand and gave it a light squeeze before softly muttering, “Honey, we’re almost home,” but she did not stir._

_He was just about to turn at the corner when a speeding black BMW collided against the Audi sending both cars careening off the roadway, with the Audi capsizing before hitting a palm tree. Everything was a blur and the next thing he knew, he was sitting at the back of an ambulance gazing helplessly at an unconscious Pepper who was still bleeding profusely, the paramedics surrounding her scrambling around trying to revive her._

_He gazed at her as she was lying on the stretcher, and in that moment he realized three things – that in spite of the chaos surrounding them, she had always been perfect and it was something that he should have realized earlier in their relationship; that he was amongst the disaster that was happening and that had always surrounded her; and that in that moment, he was almost certain that she was not going to make it and that this was probably the end…_

_In a final desperate attempt, he prayed to the God that he had not prayed to in quite a really long while, hoping for that one last miracle, a second chance, another lease…_

_He couldn’t remember what happened next, but they were finally in the hospital and someone had approached him to brief him on what was going on. He couldn’t remember who he was talking to, only that it was a sympathetic female voice telling him, “Mr. Stark, we have managed to stabilize her and we’ll bring her in for surgery…but I’m sorry because she had already lost the baby…”_

Tony woke up with a heavy sigh, a few tears escaping as he tried to muffle the sobs that threatened to tear through the stillness of the night. He buried his face at the crook of her neck, breathing her in, feeling her pulse, and hearing her breathe, trying to anchor himself to this reality where she was okay and not fighting for her own life. When he had somehow calmed down, he then carefully extracted himself from her side and headed for the bathroom to splash cold water on his face.

He didn’t know how long he had been staring at the mirror, but it was long enough that the water he had splashed on his face had dried enough to allow him a clear view of his bloodshot and haunted eyes. In the dream, he didn’t save her; worse, he was the one behind the wheel and she was the one fighting for her life, they still lost the kid and he got away almost unscathed. He knew it was a dream, but the unjust way in which things turned out did nothing for the guilt he had been carrying with him for quite a long while now. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, allowing the tears that somehow escaped to fully run their course.

“I’ve forgiven you for fifteen years ago…” Pepper murmured as she came up from behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face between his shoulder blades. “But it’s time you forgive yourself, too.”

“I don’t think that I could…”

“You have to, it’s the only way we can move forward.” She nudged him to turn in her embrace so that she could look at him directly this time before kissing him softly on the cheek. “I’ll take a couple of days off and then we’ll leave for L.A. We’ll say good bye, and we'll tell him we're sorry, and that we love him. Together.”

He quietly nodded before he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, kissed her temple and whispered, “Thank you.”

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been driving around, aimlessly, for about three hours when the song at the beginning note played in the car, and I couldn't help but think of them. And if you looked up the [artist's explanation of the lyrics](https://ifeltforsurelastnight.tumblr.com/post/5164935094/andy-hull-explains-i-can-feel-a-hot-one), it just hit home.
> 
> Sorry for the late update (you know, I hate it when my update intervals go beyond a week), but I hope you find this chapter just as good.
> 
> I'll be honest, this took a while because I've been swamped by work, but at least by now my CTS has greatly improved that it doesn't hurt anymore when I type.
> 
> Please expect the updates to come in weekly, probably, since I'm slowly going back to work. But don't worry, I won't just drop this fic and leave you hanging. Never.
> 
> Let me know what you think? Because I always love to know. ❤


	16. The Week at Point Dume

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My nightmares are usually about losing you. I’m okay once I realize you’re here.” —Peeta, The Hunger Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was really not supposed to be the plot for Chapter 16, hence the delay. In fact, this was never in the first chapter drafts at all, but since the muse had other plans, what was supposed to be Chapter 16 will be pushed to a latter installment(s).
> 
> Somebody's coming down with baby fever, somebody's playing Sherlock, somebody's trying not to panic. And I've finally figured out the history I wanted to give to Tony's Malibu mansion.
> 
> I know this took over two weeks but I hope the fact that this was actually two chapters combined would make up for it. So here's a ~17k+ labor of love. Please, enjoy the long read. ❤

** Present day, February 15, Tuesday, Manhattan NY:**

Tony glanced at the clock on his nightstand only to realize that he had lain on the bed, wide awake, for about three hours now – three hours since he found himself staring hauntedly at the bathroom mirror after waking from _that_ nightmare, two hours since Pepper coaxed him to go back to bed and to try to fall back to sleep except he wasn’t able to, and an hour since he had given up attempting to actually fall asleep and had decided instead to simply hold her close, in his arms, while he wait for dawn.

He just couldn’t sleep – he felt restless, anxious, haunted…

The feeling of Pepper gently pressed against him and the knowledge that she had somehow began forgiving him should have sufficed to comfort him, and seeing that the night was the opposite extreme of how he thought the day would actually end, all things considered, he was both thankful and relieved. Still, a significant part of him, which unfortunately also happened to be his self-deprecating side, couldn’t help but worry that, while things seemed to be finally looking up, this could still all be temporary. No, it wasn’t because he didn’t believe that Pepper had forgiven him for fifteen years ago because he did, but it was mainly because he could never get rid of the guilt, not now and probably not ever. Deep in his heart he knew, he would never be able to make it up to her. He knew, he would never really deserve her.

Such had been Tony’s thoughts since fifteen years ago, since Pepper came back to his life three months ago, since she broke off her engagement just a month ago, and since they finally made up a few hours ago. She might have been forgiving him, inch by inch and little by little, but the overwhelming guilt and the immense sense of self-doubt continued to hang heavy above his head. He trusted Pepper, with his life if it came to that, but he could not shake the feeling that despite her assurances, he was still on borrowed time, _they_ were still on borrowed time. He knew that the universe very rarely agreed with his happiness and so despite the kisses and the forgiveness, the thought that one day she would wake up and realize that she did deserve someone better constantly plagued him. Just the mere thought was both agonizing and crippling, and so he held on to her, closer, tighter, as if he was a drowning man and she was the raft that was keeping him afloat.

He gently lifted his head to check on her, suddenly needing some sort of assurance that she really did want him, that she needed him as well. He watched her as she lay on her side, still soundly asleep and pressed against him with her head comfortably tucked at the base of his neck and her hand resting above his heart, his very guilty and undeserving heart. He thought she never looked more serene and truth be told, it was probably the most peaceful he had seen her ever since she moved back to New York and came back to his life. She let out a contented sigh as he stole a quick kiss to her temple and lightly traced his fingers on the length of her arms, aimlessly, while he stared pensively into the early morning’s quiet, wondering how it was possible that she chose to be with him at the end of the day.

_I love you, Pep… I love you so much that I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to breathe without you…_

He sighed deeply and thanked his lucky stars for a lot of things – for this woman who continued to love him even if he took her for granted more times than he would be willing to admit, for the gentle soul that was his son that up to now he could still not fathom how he managed to raise so perfectly, and for his other son who had been the very proof of the unconditional love Pepper had for him in spite being the selfish bastard he once was.

_Andros… Kid, I want you to know, I did love you as soon as I knew about you…_

He smiled sadly at the thought of his long lost son, albeit with a longing heart, because while Andros had been snatched away from them severely and prematurely, the baby was certainly the most tangible proof of Pepper’s love for him. And in the dark moments – because he knew there had been and would be quite a lot of them – that he found it so hard to believe that someone like her would love someone like him, he could just always think of this kid and all his doubts simply washed away. The baby was the very reminder of the love that he should never take for granted, again.

He continued to lay there unmoving, save for the gentle caresses and the stolen kisses he cautiously allowed himself, and contented himself to holding her close while basking in her warmth and nearness. He would not have minded staying that way for another hour, but a quick glance at the clock made him realize that Pepper’s alarm would go off a little less than an hour from now, and soon it would be a brand new day, a new beginning, a clean slate, another chance…

After one longing look at the love of his life, he then decided to carefully extract himself from her side as an idea started to occur to him. He already lost fifteen years he could have spent with her, and he wanted to make up for the lost time, the wasted chances, the lost years. He knew that after everything he did and did not do, he would probably never really make it up to her, but still, it was about time he tried to make amends.

_I’ll make it up to you, Pep, even if it takes me a lifetime…_

He glanced at her sleeping form one last time before softly padding downstairs, resolved to make every morning, every day count, this time around.

\---- --- ----

“Why are you up so early?” Pepper asked as she sidled up to Tony in the kitchen, wrapping her arms around his waist before kissing him on the cheek. She frowned when she noticed the dark circles around his eyes and when she lifted a hand to gently turn his face in her direction, the worry was visibly etched on her features. “You weren’t able to go back to sleep, were you?”

“I’m fine,” he assured her, and feeling emboldened by her concern, he leaned forward to press a soft, chaste kiss against her lips, the breakfast tray he had been working on completely forgotten in the background as he turned in her embrace to pull her close while wrapping his arms around her. He then tucked his head at the crook of her neck and breathed her in, getting lost in her scent and somehow momentarily distracted by the fact that they did fit so well together, like two pieces of a very specific puzzle.

_God, I could really get used to mornings like this…_

“You know, I thought I’d surprise you with breakfast in bed, which I can’t do now because you’re already here. Why are you here? You’re not supposed to be up for another half hour,” he softly murmured, not lifting his head from where it nested against her neck.

“I woke up as soon as you left the bed, I just made some calls before I went down here. Plus, I’m feeling dizzy.”

The remark automatically made him lift his head to check if she was alright, only to find her reaching for the cup of coffee, _his_ cup of coffee, sitting at the breakfast bar. He tried to feign protest when she brought the warm cup to her lips, but he found himself playfully smirking and marveling at the domesticity of their morning.

“Hey, that’s my coffee—”

“And nauseous, too, apparently.”

He watched as she placed the cup down, rather abruptly and clumsily for Pepper’s standards, before almost running in the direction of the powder room. He followed her anxiously, but he had no other choice than to wait outside after she had locked the door behind her. He could hear her hurling but since he could basically do nothing for her, he simply closed his eyes and really tried not to worry… that much.

“Are you okay?” he asked as soon as she stepped out of the powder room, looking a bit paler than usual.

“Your coffee tastes wrong, by the way.” She offered him an uncertain smile as she headed back to the kitchen with Tony at her heels. She poured herself a glass of orange juice and he noted that the color seemed to have come back to her cheeks after she drank some of it. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry. I’m just feeling really tired, that’s all… exhausted, too.”

She took another sip from her glass and he stared at her, his mind momentarily transporting him back to that fateful morning some fifteen years ago, in the very same kitchen, where a similar scenario seemed to be echoing, unbidden, from the deep recesses of his memory…

_“Today’s not a coffee day, huh?” he inquired when he saw the glass of orange juice sitting on the breakfast bar._

He remembered her excusing herself a few minutes later to rush to that same powder room, the sound of Pepper throwing up from the other side of the door resurfacing in his head as he recalled that that was apparently the day she found out she was having his baby… and he remembered it so well because that was also the day he finally broke her heart, completely.

_Could it be? It’s not entirely physically impossible, after all it’s been over a month since we first—_

“Tony?”

He snapped out of his thoughts before the image of the little brown-eyed baby girl he had conjured in his head from the previous day could occupy his mind once more. He shook his head unbelievingly, yet he was somehow quite amused at the fact that he was coming down with baby fever faster than anyone would have ever expected Tony Stark to.

_A new baby would be nice, perfect actually, wonderful even… regardless of timing…_

“Tony?”

“Yes, Honey?”

“Are you okay?” she approached him worriedly, lightly touching his face as she rested her other hand on his chest. “You zoned out for a minute there.”

“I’m just thinking that you work too hard.” He placed his hands on her hips and leaned in to kiss her on the forehead, choosing to abandon his thoughts because he knew he wanted the idea of a new baby so much but he dared not hope. “Take the day off, you said you will anyway…”

“I actually have a better idea,” she smiled at him knowingly although she did narrow her eyes at him when he grinned back at her rather suggestively. “I already called Bambi earlier to coordinate with the SI headquarters in California so I can do my work in LA, which means we can go away for a week instead of just for a couple of days.”

“You’ll do that?”

“Yes. I told you, we’ll do this together.”

“Okay, but we’re not staying in LA,” he insisted, not really wanting to relieve the agony from his most recent three-week solo trip. “Let’s stay at the house in Malibu. You remember the mansion, don’t you?”

She smiled at him, kissing him softly on the cheek before whispering in his ear, “How could I forget?”

She must have noticed the way his spine straightened more so than usual and the way his fingers gripped her hips tighter at the mere memory of the place, because she grinned at him triumphantly, clearly pleased that she had somehow taken the upper hand on this… whatever this conversation was about.

“You remember my twenty first birthday.” It wasn’t a question, and he felt so damn smug. “It was _that_ memorable to you, Potts? Mind-blowingly memorable?”

“Don’t get too ahead of yourself, Tony. I said I remember the place, that was all I said,” she looked at him coyly and he could swear she was playing him. “Anyway, since we’re staying there, we can bring Peter with us.”

“Bring me where?” Peter interrupted, almost making Pepper jump but Tony merely chuckled lightly as he pressed another kiss on her lips, pulling her even closer to him. Yes, he was shameless like that, and he was _too_ in love to actually care.

“How long have you been standing there, kid?” Not that he cared, because he really didn’t.

“Since about the part when you mentioned your twenty first birthday,” Peter crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at his father suspiciously, “…which, from the sound of it, I think I would rather be kept in the dark about.”

Tony laughed lightly while Pepper tried to hide the fact that she was visibly blushing by letting go of him instead and making her way to the breakfast bar to retrieve her glass of juice.

“We’re visiting…the SI California headquarters,” Tony beckoned the kid to join them at the breakfast bar as Pepper retrieved some plates and utensils from the drawers. “We’re staying at the house in Malibu, you like that place.”

“I do, but wouldn’t I be imposing? I mean, I’m sure you guys wanted some alone time…” Peter trailed off shyly, awkwardly.

“You won’t,” Pepper assured the kid, placing some fruits and cream on Peter’s pancakes before doing the same on Tony’s plate. “You’re fourteen and contrary to what your dad wanted to believe, he doesn’t need to babysit you anymore. Besides, you have the whole week off, we can’t just leave you here. I think it would also interest you to tour SI California, I can bring you with me to work if you want.”

“That’ll be great, Ms. Potts.” Peter beamed at Pepper and Tony knew, the kid was probably thinking about extended lab hours at the company’s main campus already. “You really are the best.”

“This is why I adore you,” Tony whispered to her ear after he came up from behind her to wrap his arms around her waist. He kissed the side of her lips and when she simply smiled back at him, he dialed up that patented Stark smolder and murmured softly, “Kiss me back, will you? Please?”

Much to his surprise, she indulged him, albeit with a very chaste kiss. Somehow contented, he rested his chin on her shoulder and absent-mindedly, although quite intentionally, thought out loud, “Oh, so I can do that now, _demand_ you kiss me back. Thank you for finally taking pity on me, Honey.”

He knew she must have probably rolled her eyes, but God, he could never get enough of her.

“Are you going to be one of those nauseatingly sweet couples now?” Peter asked feigning exasperation, but he actually looked more thrilled than annoyed. “Should I be getting noise-cancelling headphones now? You know, because your room’s right above mine.”

“Hey, _you_ brought _this_ on,” Tony interjected, as he pointed at the kid and then pointed at himself and Pepper. “You helped make this happen, so suffer the consequences.” He heard Pepper giggle and boy, wasn’t that the sweetest sound? “Also, just so you know, the walls are soundproof, both here and in Malibu.”

“Oh my God, I didn’t need to hear that last part, Dad.” Peter actually did sound mortified, but his face told them otherwise. The kid just looked genuinely happy for them, Tony realized, and he couldn’t help but laugh at the kid’s teasing. Peter, for his part, tried to sound nonchalant as he addressed Pepper, “Ms. Potts, I dunno, good luck with Dad, I guess?”

“Thank you, Peter.” Pepper sounded so amused, and Tony was just glad that she was going along with it. “One more thing, though. How about you just call me Pepper from now on? ‘Ms. Potts’ just sounds so formal.”

“Huh, good luck with _that_ , Pep,” Tony kissed her on the cheek once more before he released her from his embrace to get a refill of the same coffee she had insisted tasted wrong. “Pete’s got politeness ingrained so deeply in his bones, I'm honestly scared he might call me ‘Mr. Stark’ one day. But I agree, ‘Ms. Potts’ sounds too formal, plus…‘Mrs. Virginia Stark’ sounds way better anyway.”

_Real smooth, Stark, real smooth. She just allowed you the little things, the little kisses just the night before and then here you go, pushing that envelope further..._

“Well, we’re not married,” Pepper quipped matter-of-factly, and as for Peter, well, the kid just watched them, quietly but interestingly.

“We could be,” was his quick rebuttal, maybe _too_ quick for Pepper’s comfort but it was the truth after all.

That was the plan, anyway, since fifteen years ago. That was the plan then, and he couldn’t see any reason why it wouldn’t be the plan now, somewhere, along the road, hopefully sooner rather than later. He saw Pepper eyed him thoughtfully, and she seemed to be contemplating him and maybe his sincerity as well. Well, he couldn’t really blame her for doing so, there was still the _not_ really minor issue that he still needed to work on making her feel safe around him after Cornwall. But he meant what he had said then, what he had said before, that what he had always wanted was her, all of her.

_It’s you, Pep. It’s always you._

“Okay, maybe I could let you sweet-talk me into letting you use ‘Potts-Stark,’ instead,” he offered, trying to lighten the mood, somehow giving her a reprieve but not really an out.

“I don’t think _I_ would be the one doing the sweet-talking, Tony, you know, just to get what I want,” she countered, quite teasingly actually but with a hint of some truth. “What do you think, Peter?”

“I totally agree,” Peter smirked at him, obviously delighted at how Pepper could hold her own against his father. Tony was pretty sure, if the kid wasn’t Pepper’s fan then, he would be now.

“You’re ganging up on me now?” He tried to act hurt, and spectacularly failed at it.

“We’re not,” she soothed him with another kiss on the cheek. “Peter simply agrees that he should just call me Pepper… He agrees with _that_.”

He saw her winked at Peter while the boy just grinned back at the two of them, looking happier than Tony had ever seen him. To tell the truth, he thought his heart would burst, finally, once and for all.

“She’s right, Dad.” Peter smirked and wiggled his brows at him and for a moment, Tony was taken aback at how alike they really were sometimes. “I agree, with that and with the other things as well.”

\---- --- ----

“The jet will be ready after lunch. I called your assistant as well, he and Bambi will just meet us at the office tomorrow morning.” Pepper went around the room, ticking some items off her mental list one after the other while she went about packing for Malibu. “We can then go to LA. over the weekend before we head back to New York or if you want, I can probably clear Friday afternoon—”

“Hey…” he grabbed her wrists and pulled her to stand in between his knees while he sat on the bed, eyeing her thoughtfully. “Thank you.”

He gave her a soft smile and she couldn’t help but feel a lump forming in her throat at the way that smile brought out the crinkles around his eyes. She had known him for over twenty years, and two decades and a few laugh lines later, she knew that beneath the dad-genius-billionaire-philanthropist persona, he was still that same Tony with the boyish grin and the puppy brown eyes who sat with her that night at the steps of The Met.

“I told you we’ll do this together, this time…” she murmured, running her fingers through his hair while he leaned forward to rest his head against her chest.

“No, I meant for everything – for last night, for this morning, for this trip, for Peter, for Andros… I had some time to think early this morning and… I don’t know, just… thank you.”

She didn’t really know what to tell him and what he most probably wanted to hear from her were those three words she still couldn’t say out loud to him, for now. It wasn’t because they wouldn’t be true, because they would. There was just too much going on and after what happened in Cornwall she still wasn’t ready, because while being around him had made her feel so happy, it had also made her feel so… vulnerable.

“You know that has always been the goal,” he murmured softly as his hands gently skimmed down her sides before finally resting on her hips.

“What are you talking about?”

“Marriage, kids, family… although apparently not necessarily in that order.” he lifted his head to gaze at her, none of the patented smirk and coquettish grin gracing his features. “It has always been there, the idea, and me from twenty years ago may or may not have realized it then but Mom did. She somehow knew, that was why she wanted to give you that band bracelet. That’s really supposed to be your something old… for when you finally marry…”

There really were times when Tony could still manage to catch her off-guard with such seemingly innocent remarks. She knew the part which remained unsaid – _“for when you finally marry me,”_ – but he had insisted that she wear that diamond band bracelet on her wedding day, even if she was marrying Aldrich at the time. She didn’t understand it then, but now…

“And you do realize it now…” she trailed off, anxiously wondering if she should have made her reply sounded more like a question rather than a declaration.

“I told you when I first saw you again more than three months ago that I’m a changed man.”

“Well, twenty-years-ago you wasn’t so bad either.”

“I disagree, but you wouldn’t know the new me if you didn’t like the old me enough to get to know me… then,” he grinned probably amused at how ridiculous and confusing he must have sounded. “So that’s a win, I guess, even if I said ‘me’ a lot.”

He chuckled lightly before kissing her knuckles and letting her go so she could resume with the packing. She went around grabbing some shoes and suits and dresses before finally disappearing to the bathroom. Once inside, she rummaged through the vanity cabinets to pack the essentials when her gaze fell on a box of tampons and almost instantly, she realized that she was actually two, almost three weeks late. She bit her lip, trying hard to just think and not panic.

It wouldn’t be the first time that it happened anyway, because she was Pepper Potts and all the stresses in her life, business-wise or otherwise, sounded like a reasonable explanation. And yes, she was feeling tired and exhausted lately because, well, who wouldn’t? Only a little over three months in New York and following all the drama that subsequently ensued, running Stark Industries seemed to be the easiest thing on her daily to-do list. So really, there was no need to worry or panic about what was happening, or more accurately, _not_ happening.

Besides, she knew she had been very careful when she was with Aldrich because, after what she went through in LA, having kids was never really part of her plan anymore. Just thinking about the baby she lost made the idea of going through everything again seemingly unappealing, not to mention that she couldn’t actually picture building a family with her former fiancé.

But with Tony, however, it was different. She was starting to feel unsure with what she wanted because, well, he was Tony… _her_ Tony, and ever since he had been very vocal about wanting a new baby, she began to at least consider the idea but she did not dare go beyond that. The thought, while amazing and possibly wonderful, seemed to be ill-timed given that they were only starting to figure things out. So no, she couldn’t be… she _shouldn’t_ be…

“Are you late?”

“What?” she asked, startled to see Tony standing by the doorway curiously watching her for god knows how long already.

“Are you late?” Tony repeated as if it was the most banal thing to ask in the world.

There was no panic in his voice nor in his expression. In fact, he looked concerned, almost excited rather than anxious, and there was that twinkle in his eyes that she couldn’t, didn’t want to deal with at the moment. Because while Tony’s reaction seemed to be very different from how he reacted fifteen years ago, the glee that he was trying to hide clearly indicated that he had not yet thought about things thoroughly.

_For a genius, you sure overlooked one very crucial, game-changing factor…_

“You’ve been feeling sick and you’ve been staring at those tampons as if they have done something to offend you. I don’t know, I’m just going on a hunch here,” he went on, clearly oblivious to the complications that were running inside her head. “Pep, are you pregnant? Because I know I’ve been away for a few weeks and I forgot to keep tabs so I’m not sure if you’ve had your—”

“Why would you keep tabs? It’s not like we’re sleeping together—”

“Right now, no. But we did, more than a month ago, and because I think of everything and unlike some fifteen years ago, I’ve learned that I should be paying attention about these things.”

“I’m not, okay? I _know_ I’m not.” She took the box and stashed it inside her vanity purse, stepping out of the bathroom because it suddenly felt too crowded in there. She placed the purse inside her suitcase, pointedly avoiding his gaze. “You don’t have to worry, Tony.”

“Hey, I’m not worried… not at all.” He had followed her out of the bathroom to take her hands gently in his as he tried to catch her gaze. “Pep, if you aren’t, it’s okay. But if you are… Well, I told you, a new baby would be wonderful, regardless of timing.”

And just like that, after only a few minutes of hearing Tony’s rambles, she began to worry. She wished she could share his enthusiasm over the prospect of a new baby, but she couldn’t. There was no way that she should be pregnant right now, because that would be it – she was pretty sure it would break Tony’s heart if only he had thoroughly thought about it.

She mustered a small smile for him, hoping that she sounded just as convincing as she hoped to be, “That's really sweet, Tony, but I really think I’m not pregnant.”

_I’m really not. I can’t be._

She believed that she weren’t. After all, faith brings forth verification, right? Right.

* * *

** 20 years ago, May 29, Point Dume, Malibu CA: **

Tony pulled over in the driveway of a stark white, cast concrete, and glass cliff-top mansion perched in the most decadent location regular people could only dream of – right on top of Point Dume, Malibu California. The mansion was expansive, having a living space of 25,000 square feet not even counting the multi-car garage with three skylights and the long and winding driveway which also led to a helipad. The modernist-designed estate offered a breathtaking view of Dume Cove and once inside, the open and circular floor plan matched with wraparound glass walls made an uninterrupted view of the Pacific possible from the huge living room.

He glanced at the house, feeling an almost tangible, restless energy coursing through his fingers as he tapped at the steering wheel while he took a moment to admire the intimidating structure.

“So, what do you think?”

“This is Point Dume,” Pepper stated the obvious as she herself took in the enormity of the cliffside mansion. She had not said a word since they entered the driveway, and somehow, Tony was confused if he should be worried or proud.

“Yes, it is.”

“It’s a California State Park,” she sounded scandalized and he tried to stifle a chuckle as he stepped out of the car and walked to the other side to get her door for her.

“I am well aware of that,” he tried to sound neutral and he could only hope that she could not hear the smug undertone of his reply.

“It’s a protected area, you can’t just build a house in here.”

“But I already did and they granted me those building permits,” he smirked at her and predictably, she simply rolled her eyes at him.

He then took her hand, leading her to the main entrance, and when they got to the door, Tony opened it but just before Pepper could step in, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her over the threshold. He stopped in the middle of the circular living room, the uninterrupted view of the Pacific was in the background as he bent to kiss her, slowly and deeply, before he gently put her down.

“What was that for?” she breathlessly asked him, obviously trying to sound exasperated but her efforts were simply futile.

“For practice.”

“Practice?”

“For the future,” he grinned at her before turning her gently so that her back was against his chest and she was facing the glass walls overlooking the Pacific. He slid his arms around her waist and placed light kisses behind her ear, going all the way down before resting his head at the base of her neck. He breathed her in, and he couldn’t help but feel that she felt like home, _his_ home. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

“It is…” she whispered, taking in the view and the mesmerizing tranquility of the blue waters. She lightly stroke his arms then raised a hand to gently run her fingers through his hair. “It’s breathtaking.”

“I’m glad you liked it, because if you didn’t, well, that would be a big problem.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, this is the first property I bought and built under my own name,” he kissed her cheek then rested his chin on her shoulder as he watched the sun sink into the ocean. “You’re the only person I’ve brought here, I haven’t even shown this to Mom yet, and it’s very important that you like the place because… because one day I hope to spend many summers with you here, and hopefully in the future, not just with you but with a little Tony and a little Pepper, too.”

He could feel his heart pounding and her lack of response didn’t do anything to ease his nervousness because he knew that this close, she could feel his heart beating wildly as well. They stood there in silence for a while, watching the blue waves turn dark while the clear skies were bathed in the orange and purple lights of the approaching dusk. She was quiet but she was not running away, and her hands had reached out to intertwine with his.

“I’m not proposing… just yet,” he murmured into her ear after kissing her temple, hugging her tighter to him because she was his home. “Because I know that there are so many things that you wanted to do first, and I won’t stop you, I’m not going to get in the way of that. But I want you to know that I’m in this for the long haul, you’re it for me, that is if you will have me…”

She turned around in his embrace and it bothered him that he couldn’t get a read on her, because she had not said a thing and he knew that he tended to overdo things and that she might be feeling overwhelmed. Not to mention that this could all be too premature because he just turned twenty one and she’s only about to turn eighteen and he knew that he was her first love and she probably thought that—

His mind’s incessant rambling halted because she stepped closer to him and tilted her head up and the next thing he knew she was kissing him, tender and slowly and eventually explosive. He kissed her back, a long and yearning kiss as he breathed in the scent of her and the taste of her, only coming up for air when it was finally inevitable not to do so.

He rested his forehead against hers, taking deep breaths to try to calm his heart because for as long as he could remember, he had never felt like this, he had never felt afraid that his chest would explode and that his heart would just fail, once and for all.

“I like the future you just described…” she whispered, with her eyes closed and her hands still gripping his arms.

“Pep, stay the night…”

She giggled and that was probably the last thing he thought he would hear from her after everything that just happened. He leaned back to get a good look at her, trying to understand what brought on the laughter, what he had apparently done. She must have noticed his confusion because she simply smiled at him, amused that he hadn’t figured out the reason just yet.

“It’s bare, Tony.”

“What?”

“The house… it’s bare.”

_That’s what you thought… You’ll see, Pep, I am full of surprises…_

“Oh. Well, I left it bare because I want _you_ to decorate the place,” he smirked at her, grabbing her hand to link her fingers with his as he led her up the spiral staircase supported by cast aluminum cantilever arms. “I figured it’s only fair that the interiors should bear your signature since I already called the shots for the floor plan.”

“You really are serious, aren’t you?” She had stopped halfway through the staircase and she was looking at him kindly, as if understanding had just dawned on her. “You really are serious about everything… about us.”

“I am…” He took a few steps down so he could stand beside her while he took both her hands in his, kissing her knuckles fervently. “And I don’t know what I have or haven’t done to make you think otherwise.”

She only nodded, not saying anything, so he took that as a sign that she did believe him after all. He nudged her up the staircase once more, not stopping until they reached one of the doors.

“So, the house… it’s actually not _completely_ bare. I think I may have already bought something for it after all,” he prefaced as he opened the door to what appeared to be the master bedroom.

The walls were still completely bare just like the window walls overlooking the Pacific were still unadorned and so the starry sky was visible from where they were standing. The room was basically empty save for the oak California king bed, probably stuffed with more pillows than necessary, surrounded by bouquets of peonies and a few tiny candles.

“So now that you know you won’t be sleeping on the floor, will you spend the night with me, Pep?”

He was actually worried that he was being too forward, but this was Pepper and while he wanted her, he was also pretty sure she had no idea how long he had wanted her, all of her.

“I think I’ve been set up.” She eyed him knowingly, and when he saw that she did not seem offended, at all, he realized he could breathe again.

“Guilty as charged.”

“I like being set up by you.”

He put his arms around her and pulled her closer to him, his hands finding her hips while her arms twisted around her neck. He kissed her, deeply and longingly, before resting his forehead against hers, just trying to get lost in the moment.

“You know, you probably shouldn’t be saying stuff like that to me,” he whispered in that husky baritone as he skimmed his hands down her sides. “You have no idea how long and how badly I’ve wanted you…”

“I’d like to find out, but the bed looks so inviting and I could only imagine how comfortable it would be to actually sleep on it…” She smirked at him but he was Tony Stark, he knew a challenge when he saw one.

He kissed her again, pulling her to him while he stepped backwards until the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed. He then gently grabbed her and turned around so he could lay her on the bed, his hands already moving restlessly everywhere, claiming her, as he leaned over her while he continued to kiss her neck and her jaw and behind her ear…

“We might sleep. Eventually...” he murmured, breathing her in. “We’ll sleep some – just not quite yet…”

“Tony—”

He pulled away abruptly, concern flooding his heart because he felt her hands on his chest and for a while there he was certain that she pushed him away just a bit.

_Did she change her mind?_

“Pep, you should’ve said something. We don’t need to do anything if you're not ready and—”

“It’s not that,” she silenced him by putting a finger against his lips. “I just wanted to tell you that…I love you, Tony, and it’s so humbling and overwhelming and scary, but I do love you. You’re it for me, too.”

“I love you, Pep. Always have, always will.”

She kissed him once more which he gladly returned, only breaking the kiss so that she could whisper, “Happy birthday, Tony,” before pulling him closer, clearly wanting to pick up where they left off.

“Happy birthday to me, indeed.” He knew it sounded so terrible as soon as he saw her narrowed her eyes at him disapprovingly, but he couldn’t just let the opportunity to say something like that go. After all, birthdays happened only once a year.

“Just shut up and kiss me.”

“Oh, believe me, Pep. I’m planning to do just that… and a hell of a lot more.”

* * *

** Present day, Point Dume, Malibu CA: **

Their first night in Malibu, Tony walked into the living room to see Pepper, standing in front of the glass walls with her arms wrapped around herself, gazing at the quiet waves of the Pacific. She was just there, not doing anything remarkable to tell the truth, but the mere sight of her made him realize that he was really home…the mansion no longer feeling haunted by memories of her, for the first time after fifteen long years.

“What are you thinking about?” he broke into the quiet as he approached her, placing an arm behind her so he could pull her to his side. He kissed her gently on the cheek, then handed her a glass of red wine which she took, although, he noted, with a little bit of hesitation.

“I was thinking about the time when you first brought me here,” she replied, catching his eye for a while to give him a soft smile before directing her gaze back to the view of the Pacific.

“Hmm…that’s still the best birthday I’ve ever had.” He stole a sidelong glance at her and he couldn’t help but notice that she had not taken a sip of her drink but he let the thought go…for now. He knew, she would tell him if there was anything to tell, this time around. “You know, except for Mom and Peter, I never brought anyone here…other than you.”

“Not even—”

“Not even,” he cut in, not wanting the night to turn into conversations about late wives and former fiancés, he had another topic in mind for tonight after all.

“You haven’t changed the décor…”

“I didn’t change anything. I didn’t want to, I couldn’t…” He stepped away from her so he could lean against the glass wall, scotch in hand as he contemplated her. “I meant what I said, twenty years ago? I still hope to spend many summers with you here, and hopefully, in the future, not just with you and my kid but with a little new addition…to _our_ family.”

He paused, wanting to see her reaction, anxious to see if her eyes or her smile would give anything away but there wasn’t any.

_Might as well dive into it…headfirst if needed._

“I meant what I said yesterday…” Was it only yesterday, Valentine’s day? He felt like a lot had happened ever since. “…about a new baby…in the future…in the hopefully not far future.”

“Tony…”

“Can we start trying soon? Tonight?” he raised his brows at her, a far from innocent smirk already creeping in his face before he could attempt to stare ahead of him instead or hide behind his drink by taking a sip.

“You’re incorrigible.”

“Can we at least practice?” He saw her rolled her eyes at him and he couldn’t help but chuckle as he moved to leave his tumbler on the coffee table before standing behind her, wrapping his arms around her and just breathing her in. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I’m serious when I told you that I’m going by your pace here.”

For a while there, she didn’t say anything, and he was already considering to start apologizing for his brazenness when she leaned her head back just enough to press a kiss on his cheek. He smiled, feeling relieved, and he could almost see from their reflection on the glass walls that she was actually amused, somehow.

“Pretty bold of you to _beg_ me for a baby right now. Aren’t you skipping a few necessary steps?”

She did look amused but she also sounded exasperated, and an exasperated Pepper usually would have already taken a sip or two of her wine but he really couldn’t help but notice that while she still held the glass he had purposely offered her ( _purposely,_ yes), the wine never touched her lips.

_Interesting, Pep…Considering you have been drinking until, well, our conversation this morning…_

“You mean getting married?” he pulled his mind back to the topic at hand. “Important, yes. But necessary? I always thought the order of these things could be rearranged.”

“I didn’t say anything about getting married.”

“Getting engaged, then?”

“I didn’t say that, too.”

“How do you feel about a June wedding?”

She would probably think that he was just being his usual tenacious self, but he never did anything without a purpose in mind, at least not tonight. He figured he might as well ask, because if she was the kind of girl who would have wanted a June wedding, well, he would have less than four months to propose, to prepare, and…

_Would she be showing by then? Hey, Stark, just hit pause on that idea for a minute…_

“We’re not engaged,” she patiently told him, still not giving anything away.

“Just hypothetically, then. If you were getting married, not necessarily to me but we all know it should be to me, you know…” he smirked at her when she turned around in his embrace, eyeing him rather suspiciously.

“If I’m the one getting married?” She gave him a thoughtful smile, perhaps wondering if it would be easier to simply go along with his ramblings than to shut him down. “I don’t know, June is pretty common, so maybe not.”

She must have decided to humor him, then. That was fine, he could work with that.

“Alright, compiling that for future reference. How about the venue? City or destination?”

“Hmm…a city wedding would feel like home, but might need to be a big one considering _my_ business associations,” she went on as he released her from his arms and followed her to sit beside her on the couch. “But a destination wedding could afford some privacy, you know? Inviting only close friends and family.”

“How about the entourage?” He reached for his tumbler just as she placed her glass on the coffee table, the wine still untouched. “Who’s going to be your maid of honor if I’m your best friend, Potts?”

“Well, unless you’d be okay with wearing heels and a frilly bridesmaid dress, I could do away with the entourage.”

“The whole entourage?”

“Not necessarily, you could still have your best man, groomsmen—”

“Aha!” He grinned triumphantly. He was a billionaire so he would probably never experience the feeling of winning the lottery, but this must be how it would feel like, or close to it. “So you’ve thought about this. With me. As the groom.”

“I didn’t say anything, Tony—”

“You said _I_ could have groomsmen, when as far as I can remember, we were just talking about _your_ hypothetical wedding.” She looked so beautifully irritated, he wanted to kiss her. “Don’t deny it, Honey, I read the transcript.”

She sighed deeply, exasperatedly? Defeatedly? Patiently? He couldn’t tell.

“Of course I’ve thought about it Tony, fifteen years ago.”

“But now?”

He actually wasn’t sure what he wanted to hear, because even if she didn’t want to get married, yet, it wouldn’t matter to him, for as long as she stayed with him. In his book, it would only serve a legal purpose, make things easier for them, for the both of them and for any future children, legally. But the technicalities? Of course he would be delighted to hear her addressed as Mrs. Stark, or Ms. Potts-Stark whichever she would prefer, but really…she was all he would ever need. Just as long as she stayed…

“Maybe, could be, I don’t know,” she replied kindly, trying not to give him an impression that she had left the fifteen year-old idea in the past. “But not right now, a lot’s going on right now.”

She had a point, _right now_ sounded like a pretty hasty and awful idea. So much had happened that it made the days and the nights feel longer but when he really thought about it, she had only been back for three months and her almost-wedding? It had only been a little over a month since Killian, and yet, he felt as if he had been waiting long enough, longer than he would have wanted to…

_It’s because I’ve been waiting for you since fifteen years ago, I just didn’t realize it then…_

He grabbed his tumbler but instead of taking a sip of his drink, he leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees, swirling the amber liquid so it splashed against the ice, before glancing at her, willing her to hold his gaze.

“Pep, you’re happy with me, right?”

She looked at him kindly, yet she still managed to keep him on his toes, intentionally or otherwise.

“Are _you_ happy with me?”

\---- --- ----

_“Pep, you’re happy with me, right?”_

_“Are you happy with me?”_

Peter was making his way down the spiral staircase, his footsteps muffled by the sound of the cylindrical waterfall, when he overheard his father and Pepper talking just in the living room one corner away from the foot of the stairs. He didn’t mean to eavesdrop and he maybe should have retreated to his room upstairs, but curiosity got the better of him. He didn’t know why, but he figured he just wanted to be sure that everything was going well because one moment his father suddenly left for L.A. and now…suddenly they’re supposed to pay a visit to SI California? The spontaneity, yes, he would not be surprised because his father had a tendency for such, but Pepper? After pulling that Valentine’s scheming with MJ yesterday, he actually caught a glimpse of Pepper’s schedule for the week and this was definitely not in the plans.

That and the fact that they never really made it to Cornwall a few weeks ago, not to mention that his father apparently did _something_ that Pepper would have to forgive him for…

_“You didn’t answer my question.”_

_“Tony, I think you already know the answer to that. I’m actually worried that you felt the need to ask.”_

_“As a matter of fact, I don’t know. For all my genius, I’m really not sure.”_

_“Tony…”_

_“I’m not sure if I am making you happy, and after everything – the philandering, the alcoholism, the baby, Killian, Cornwall – I’m just not sure anymore. I know I did hurt you, a lot, and that’s very far from what making you happy means, but I’m trying. I want you to be happy, I’d like you to be happy and hopefully it’s because of me…”_

_“I am, Tony. I’m happy with you…”_

Peter frowned, his brows furrowing as he thought about what his father had just said. The philandering and the alcoholism, sure, he had heard stories about those and he knew those happened during a difficult time following the accident of his grandparents. But his Dad was better now, way better in fact, and only recently did he understand why that was one thing he had to apologize to Pepper for, because apparently she was his devoted girlfriend in those five years, and he hurt her and took her for granted effectively driving her out of New York. And then Killian, well, the guy had really made Pepper unhappy to put it mildly.

But Cornwall, there was it again. He was really wondering what his father could have possibly done during the week that they supposedly stayed in Connecticut. He knew that the two were together because he distinctly remembered his father calling him one night just to check in. Their conversation had been unremarkable, mostly about his schooling, and he didn’t recall anything that seemed…off. But they never really made it to Cornwall Inn, so what happened then? He knew that something did happen because after that trip he could tell that it almost broke the two apart, and his Dad always seemed so guilty whenever the trip was brought up. A million unpleasant thoughts raced in his head and he could only hope that his father had not done any of those.

_He couldn’t, he wouldn’t, right? Not to Pepper, nor to anyone else really, but definitely not to Pepper. Right?_

And then what else did his father say? _The baby._ Peter knew that his arrival into this world drove a wedge between the two, and while it was really not his fault, he couldn’t help but feel bad about it. It helped a lot that Pepper seemed to genuinely like him, in spite the fact that his father’s affair with his mother broke her heart fifteen years ago. So yes, he understood why his father needed to apologize for that too, but he honestly thought that part was already forgiven because Pepper seemed to be happy having him around as well. She, in fact, insisted that they bring him to Malibu with them, and she had been nothing but kind to him, already treating him as her own since day one. Unless…

_Unless they weren’t referring to me when Dad said, ‘the baby…’_

The idea sounded ridiculous because why would his father hide a hypothetical sibling from him? And if Pepper was currently expecting, which she herself told them yesterday was not the case, it didn’t seem that it would make her unhappy – his Dad would have been over the moon at the prospect of a new baby, to tell the truth, and so would he.

But when he really thought about it, it was a bit weird that his father would refer to him as ‘the baby,’ when he could have just said ‘the kid’ or ‘Peter’ or ‘my son,’ far more regular terms his father had used in previous conversations. So, somehow, it only made it more logical that _the baby_ was most likely not him _._

Did Pepper have his father’s child in L.A. after she moved away? Was that what his Dad’s sudden trip to L.A. was for, after Connecticut? But why would Pepper not bring the child with her when she moved to New York? And why refer to it as ‘the baby’ when his hypothetical brother or sister would have been about the same age as him by now? Plus, he had searched about Pepper before, she had been in Forbes' 100 at least twice and had been featured in Time as well, but there was never any mention of a family.

You see, Peter Benjamin Parker-Stark was Tony’s son through and through. The resemblance was there, the mischief even, but most importantly he got the Stark genius as well, and if people thought that Tony’s brain worked faster than a regular person’s, well, Peter’s worked just as quickly as his Dad’s.

_Did she lose the baby in L.A.? How? When? And why would Dad have to apologize for that, too?_

As quickly as he arrived at those conclusions, a memory came unbidden to Peter, the memory of an unassuming manila envelope containing a dossier about Pepper sitting at the back of his father’s safe in Manhattan. It was addressed to his father through the SI New York office and stamped received on the day they supposedly left for Cornwall. He could only assume that his father would have possibly asked his P.I. to look into the matter. He knew his Dad, it was something he would do.

He climbed the spiral staircase to retreat to his room, taking out his phone while he was at it to send a message to that one person he knew he could trust to be discreet, and understanding, over something as important as this.

> _MJ, I think I just found out I have a sibling._

\---- --- ----

“I am, Tony. I’m happy with you…”

“But?”

“I think we need some time…” she trailed off but she probably saw his tortured expression because she amended it as if to clarify that again, she was not breaking up with him. “Some time to figure things out, get settled, truly move on before we consider getting engaged, or getting married, or having a new baby…”

He understood her perfectly, and of course between the two of them she was always the more logical, the more practical, the more reasonable. He was not planning on proposing tonight nor tomorrow nor the next day, he was merely testing the waters, trying to see if she was at least on the same page as he was. But the idea of a new baby, he was not letting that go, not anytime soon, because he couldn’t shake the feeling that they could be really pregnant right now and he was pretty sure that even Pepper Potts couldn’t have the power to bend science and human biology to her will.

“I’m not proposing…just yet,” he paused for a bit, momentarily struck at how his words were the exact same ones he had told her in the very same house some twenty years ago. “But I want you to know that what I told you twenty years ago still holds true, when I first told you that I love you in that elevator. I love you, Pep. I love you so much and I haven’t felt that way with anyone before you or after you, and I don’t want to feel that way about anyone else, ever again.”

“Sometimes I wonder if you’re asking for too much,” she met his gaze and while he thought she would probably look scared, well, she didn’t. She was looking at him kindly, albeit with some hesitation, but kindly.

“I’m not. I told you, you don’t have to say anything back unless you’re ready or you want to.”

“You’re not giving me an ultimatum? Eventually? In the future?”

“I’m not. You could walk away, eventually…” The words left a bitter taste in his mouth but he pressed on because she had to know, even if it killed him. “If you really can’t, don’t want to be with me…”

“But?” She had reached out to lightly stroke his face with her fingers, and he leaned in to her touch, her hand cupping his face.

“What answer do you want to hear?”

“The truth, Tony.”

“Then it would break my heart…” he smiled at her sadly, taking her hands in his instead to rub at her knuckles gently. “…probably beyond repair and for good this time, but I will try to understand.”

“So I can walk away anytime?”

“As much as it would kill me, yes.”

He could see her eyes brimming with unshed tears but he tried to sustain that sad smile for her because while he loved her so much, he didn’t want to make her feel trapped and he could only hope that his admissions wouldn’t make her feel exactly just that.

“Then why are you doing this? All of this?”

“Because I have to at least try to keep you, even if I know that I will never deserve you.”

There, he had said it out loud. He knew it, at the back of his mind, somehow, he had always known.

“Tony…”

She was crying now and Pepper Potts never cried in front of anyone. In all the years he had known her, he had only seen her cry in front of him five times – when they fought after she told him that Killian proposed to her, when she kissed him the night of the concert, when she went to him after running away from her own wedding, when he took her to Cornwall, and when he told her about his nightmares just last weekend. He reached up to wipe her tears as he gazed at her with nothing but love and adoration.

“Pep, there’s no ultimatum, there’s no time frame. I’m just telling you my hopes and my plans. And you know, those plans? They could wait for when you’re ready, for however long it takes. I already waited fifteen years, what’s another fifteen, right? Besides, I'm only forty-one.” She giggled through the tears and that made his heart felt a bit lighter, so he went on. “Or a lifetime. I could imagine waiting a lifetime would be like a walk in the park to me by now.”

“You wouldn’t need to do that,” she told him as she leaned forward to press a kiss against his lips, as if sealing a promise that she just did make to him. “You wouldn’t need to wait a lifetime.”

He could live with that, he knew he could live with that.

\---- --- ----

The next three days in Malibu had been pretty unremarkable – well, as unremarkable as Pepper and Peter tried to make it seemed so for Tony.

His mornings were usually spent trying to pretend that he had not been hearing Pepper throwing up in the bathroom and he couldn’t help but worry because she seemed to be getting paler as the days went by. He knew she had not been eating much, probably unable to keep anything down, and so by the time Friday morning rolled in, he had had enough. Rather than disappearing to the kitchen to give her some space just like what he did in the past two days, by the time she stepped out of the shower, already dressed for work, he was sitting on the bed waiting for her, resolved to not let her leave without talking to her.

“You’re still late, aren’t you?” he asked without preamble and had he not been awfully concerned for her, he would have backtracked given that she was already glaring at him.

“I will be late _for work_ , if you continue harassing me with your irrelevant questions,” she retorted, but she softened a bit when she must have noticed his worry. “I can’t believe you’re still nagging me about it for four days now. Just drop it, Tony, please?”

“I will, after you take a test…” He stood up and reached out to take her in his arms and he was relieved when she let him pull her towards him, his arms already circling her waist. “If it’s negative I’ll call SI’s physician so we’ll find out what’s wrong, and if it’s positive… Well, you’re going to make me the happiest man on earth.”

“I don’t need to take a test, Tony. I’m normally like this, with the work and the stress and the exhaustion and all,” she murmured, resting her head against the base of his neck and just breathing him in. “Hmm… You smell so good.”

“Um, thanks?” He was caught off-guard by the sudden mood swing, but he was happy that their fight had seemingly ended. “I just worry about you, Honey.”

“I know you do, I’m just really tired, that’s all…”

“Then take the day off.”

“I can’t,” she pulled away to lightly stroke his face and she was staring at him thoughtfully. “I need to finish everything today so we can have the whole Saturday to ourselves…and for Andros, too.”

He tensed his jaw a bit as he got reminded of his other son, but he nodded at her in agreement anyway. He had to start getting used to this, not flinching every time they talk about the baby, which was a pretty difficult thing to do considering that he still felt so guilty about everything that had happened. If he could only give the baby back to Pepper…

“How can I help?” he asked, trying not to think so much of L.A. and the baby and her accident. “Task me. Because contrary to popular belief, I can actually show up at SI, if you want me to.”

“How about talking to your son?” she was looking at him uncertainly, worry visibly creasing her beautiful face.

“Peter? Did something happen at SI?”

“No, he just seemed distracted lately. I asked him what’s wrong but he simply smiled at me and said nothing. I just figured there’s a significantly better chance that he would rather talk to you.” She kissed him lightly then rubbed at the lipstick stain on his lips before stepping in her shoes and picking up her bag. She stopped by the doorway and regarded him worriedly. “Peter’s not due at SI today, so will you talk to him?”

“I will…” he watched her stepped out of the bedroom and he couldn’t help but realize that he, indeed, was a very lucky man. He called out to her, wanting her to know just because…

“Pep, thank you...for being wonderful to my kids...to _both_ of my kids.”

\---- --- ----

“These are amazing, Dad,” Peter remarked as the boy scrolled through the various black and white photos Tony had taken of Pepper when she started decorating the interiors of the Malibu house twenty years ago. “I never knew you had an eye for photography.”

“I didn’t…I still don’t…” he told the kid who was grinning enthusiastically at the photos they had uncovered from his private database. They were at the mansion’s basement workshop and he was thinking how he could get the boy to actually talk about his concerns…whatever those were.

“I just took those photos when she was decorating the place, I wanted to document everything because she seemed to be in her element. She has always had an eye for these things, you know?” he thought wistfully. “By the way, if you see something beyond PG, just cover your eyes and skip over it.”

Peter merely chuckled before stopping on one particular photo to call his attention, “Dad, look at this one. I think you should have this on display.”

He actually remembered the photo Peter was showing him. It was taken one Friday night after he and Pepper had dressed up for a gala only to end up skipping the event entirely and ordering Chinese. He had set up the camera on timer, capturing a perfect moment of him, in tuxedo with his tie hanging loosely around his neck, playing the piano while Pepper, who was leaning against the grand and looking lovely in her long white dress, was watching him enraptured. It looked like a still taken directly from a 1950s movie.

“We had fun, you know? Pepper and I…” he recalled, hovering over Peter’s shoulder as he watched the boy send the files over to his Manhattan’s workshop database. “I don’t think I ever got it right before Pepper…or since then.” He paused, tapping the kid on the shoulder so suddenly, “Sorry, kid. I mean, your mother was great, not to mention that she also deserved better—”

“It’s alright, Dad. No offense taken, and I agree, you guys are great together.”

“Well, I definitely didn’t realize how great it was at the time.”

“Yeah, you were an idiot, Dad.”

“I will _not_ argue with that, so don’t inherit that part. I want you to be better,” he smiled at the kid, ruffling his hair before grabbing a stool so he could sit beside the boy as Peter continued to go over old photos. “So…at the risk of sounding like, uh…like a jealous boyfriend—”

“Oh, there’s no risk. You already do.” Peter smirked at him and he wondered if this was how Pepper felt every time he would deliver those snarky comebacks at her.

“She seems happy with me, right?” He honestly had no idea why he was asking Peter about this. Maybe he did need the assurance because maybe, he really was a jealous boyfriend after all. “You’ve seen her before, with Killian. She seems happier now, right?”

“She is, Dad. Not to be biased, but yes.”

“That’s great, because honestly when I’m with her, I completely forget who I am, and who I was…” He was staring at her photos pensively, not realizing that he had been smiling like a fool. God, he was forty-one for crying out loud, not some awkward teenager.

“Wow, shy smile, reluctant eye contact? I think I’ve seen enough.” Peter was shaking his head at him, very clearly amused. “You’re so hooked, Dad.”

“Well, she’s great and to show you how great she is, she asked me to talk to you.” Seeing Peter’s inquiring glance, he went on, “She told me that you seem distracted lately, Pep’s worried about you. What’s up?”

Peter stood up and aimlessly walked around the workshop, grabbing a random screwdriver which he absent-mindedly twirled with his fingers. It was in moments like this when Tony would notice that Peter really was his mini-me, from the anxious mannerisms down to the restless energy, and he knew that just like him the boy wouldn’t say anything, unless he kept prodding.

“Well?” he prompted, trying very hard not to sound like his own father.

“I heard you guys talking the other night. I didn’t mean to listen, but I was going down the stairs and then—”

“Then you must have heard that we’re doing better, but that we’re also not there yet. By _there_ I meant getting engaged and married and having a baby.”

“I’m not worried about _that_ , I know you guys are better after Valentine’s day…” Peter answered while picking up a circuit board and distractedly looking at it before placing it on top of a worktable. “I actually heard your monologue…about the philandering, the baby, Killian, and Cornwall.”

“Kid…” _Where are you going with this?_

Tony tried to replay in his head the conversation he had with Pepper from a few nights ago, trying to recall if he had actually mentioned the baby’s name at all at the living room. He was pretty certain that he didn’t, in fact, they weren’t even talking about the baby then. They only talk about Andros in the privacy of their bedroom, never outside because this was exactly what they were trying to avoid.

“I have two questions, Dad, and I wouldn’t ask if I haven’t been bothered by it but I couldn’t let it go. So please be honest with me? I know you never made it to Cornwall, so what happened?”

“We _did_ make it to Cornwall, Pete.”

“But I answered the call in Pepper’s office last Monday.” Peter sounded so frustrated that Tony thought the kid was probably thinking that he was lying. Well, he wasn’t, technically. “Cornwall Inn called to ask if Pepper wanted to reschedule her reservation instead, the one you guys didn’t show up for. So what happened?”

“We _did_ make it to Cornwall,” he patiently repeated, trying to tread carefully so he wouldn’t be caught giving anything away. “We just spent the week in our property instead.”

“We have a property in Cornwall?”

“Yes. It was Dad’s. Not a lot of people know about it, not even your Uncle Rhodey.”

And boy, he could still remember the punches he had to endure after Rhodes found out that he had basically held Pepper hostage for almost a week in a property that nobody knew existed and no one would be ever bothered to look at. It was definitely, absolutely, not one of his finest moments and no wonder Pepper had not forgiven him for it…yet.

“Okay, so you made it there, but why did you have to bring her to a property nobody knew about? Why does she have to forgive you for Cornwall? What did you do to Pepper? Because you’re making me worry, Dad, and I could think of a lot of unpleasant things and I don’t want to believe that you would be capable of doing any of—”

“Kid, I didn’t do anything…”

That was a lie, of course, and as much as he hated lying to Peter, telling his son that he lost his temper and that he ended up lowkey kidnapping his girlfriend and then holding her hostage for a few days until she told him what he wanted to know would definitely cost him Dad of the Year in his kid’s book…at the very least.

“There were some…issues that came up that we needed to discuss that day, privately…” he went on, hoping Peter would just let the topic go because he could only imagine what the kid would think of him if the truth ever came out. “I wish I could tell you, Pete, but it’s not going to change anything and it doesn’t concern you.”

“Dad, you know, you sound so guilty,” Peter looked at him apologetically and he so wanted to reassure the boy, “And not just right now, but every time Cornwall comes up, you seem so guilty.”

_Because I am, kid, and I could barely live with what I did…_

“I am…” he admitted, trying not to avoid Peter’s scrutinizing gaze but also not wanting to meet it head on. “But Pepper has been slowly forgiving me for that, and for everything else. So can you trust me enough to let it go at least for now?”

“So you didn’t?”

“Didn’t what?” Just really, what was it that Peter thought he did?

“Hurt her?” Peter hesitated for a moment, and somehow he knew what was coming next. “You didn’t…assault her, right?”

“Oh God, no. Peter, kid, I would never…”

“Okay…okay, that was a relief…” Peter let out a sigh as he sank onto the couch a few paces away from the worktable. “I’m sorry, Dad. I don’t know why I even thought of that when I knew that you couldn’t, when I believed that you wouldn’t.”

“We did have an _argument_ in Cornwall, but nothing like that.” Tony had stood up to sit beside the kid, wanting to be close to his son. “I’ll never do that to her, nor to anyone really. I’ll never hurt her, not like that.”

“I’m so sorry, Dad. I think it’s because I remembered when you guys had a fight after Christmas, when she told you that Mr. Killian proposed and you lost your temper… I never doubted you, but I don’t know… I guess I got worried.”

“Because you’re a good kid, that’s why, and I’m actually relieved that you believed that I wouldn’t be capable of such a thing.” He clapped the boy on the shoulder, wanting him to know that it wasn’t his fault. “I’m so proud of you, Pete, because you’re growing up and becoming the kind of man I always knew you would be.”

“I’m sorry…” Peter murmured, pulling his father into a quick hug before snuggling closer so he could lean his head on the older man’s shoulder.

“Don’t be. Had I been half the man you are now, it would not have taken me fifteen years to make Pepper happy. I am so proud of you, kid.” Tony absent-mindedly ran his fingers through the boy’s hair, glad that Peter seemed to have let the topic of Cornwall go. “What was your other question?”

He had sensed that Peter hesitated for a moment, but just like him, he was pretty certain that curiosity would get the better of the kid.

“I’m sorry about fifteen years ago…”

“Kid, we already talked about this, this wasn’t your—”

“When you and Pepper were talking, I heard you mentioned a baby,” Peter muttered softly, head still resting on his father’s shoulder so Tony couldn’t see the boy’s reaction. “Did she have your baby after she moved away? Was that what you guys were fighting about in Cornwall? Why you suddenly went to L.A. and why we’re here now?”

For a minute there, Tony wanted to come clean, once and for all. The idea that he would no longer have to bear this secret from everyone seemed so tempting but, he knew, also ultimately selfish. But what was the alternative really? Keeping the baby a secret because he knew that Peter would never look at him again if the boy found out what really happened, why Pepper felt the need to leave and hide the baby from him in the first place? Wasn’t that a selfish reason, too?

He had almost lost Pepper over this secret and up to this day, he still couldn’t believe how lucky he was that she had not hated him for it. But Peter? He wouldn’t be able to live if the kid hated him.

“Hey, you know, you’ve been watching too many movies,” he deflected, because that was what he did best. He could only hope, though, that the kid didn’t hear the anxiety in his voice knowing that Peter had come so close to the truth. So close. “There’s only ever been one baby, and that’s you. You know what, you still are my baby, you’ll always be,” he teased.

“There’s no secret baby?” Peter furrowed his brows thoughtfully, his voice sounding disconnected, unbelieving. “So that’s me you guys were talking about?”

“I assure you kid, none of those other paternity suits from back in the day bore fruit.” This wasn’t actually a lie, _technically_ it wasn’t.

“I just thought Pepper has forgiven you for that…for me…”

Tony sighed deeply, hating himself because everything just really seemed to backfire in the end.

“I told you, I made my choices and it was never your fault, kid.” He turned around just so he could look at Peter and gauge the kid’s reaction. “Pepper loves you. Did you ever have a reason to doubt that ever since Thanksgiving?”

“You’re right,” Peter gave in, eventually. “I’m sorry, Dad.”

“Now…” Tony stood up, wanting a change in mood and topic, “Join me in the kitchen? Pepper’s still feeling under the weather and she’ll be home soon. Wanna make sure I don’t burn the omelettes I intend to make for her?”

“I think she deserves something better than omelettes,” Peter chuckled just as he stood up to follow his father to the kitchen. His phone was buzzing and so he took it out, it was MJ.

> _“Have you talked to your Dad? I’m sure it’s not what you think. The press and the public paint him rather colorfully, but where it mattered the most, you know that he’s a good person. He loves you, I don’t think he would ever lie to you.”_

Peter gazed at his father, somehow feeling guilty that he ever had doubts about the man. Pepper was amazing, and if she could trust him after everything that happened between them fifteen years ago, why would he doubt his own father? But still… He just couldn’t shake the feeling that something was just not right. He shot a quick reply to MJ:

> _“He told me about Cornwall, and I believed him. But about my supposed sibling? I don’t know, I think he just lied to me…”_

“You coming, Pete?”

“Of course,” he smiled distractedly, pocketing his phone and already feeling so awful that he was having doubts. “Of course, Dad.”

\---- --- ----

By the time the clock struck an hour before midnight, Pepper finally walked in to the Malibu house, visibly exhausted. She was so tired that she sank fatigued in the living room couch and had actually dozed off for a good ten or so minutes until Tony found her there and started unbuckling her heels for her.

“Hey, Honey…” he greeted her, kissing her on the cheek as he sat beside her, pulling her feet on his lap. “I’d ask if you had a long day at work but… Well, I wanted to pick you up since five, six hours ago, but Happy told me off. He said you didn’t want to be disturbed.”

She smiled in satisfaction as he massaged the balls of her feet while she leaned her head back against the couch, eyes closed and not wanting to move a muscle. “Did you talk to Peter?”

“I did. By the way, I’m starting to get jealous here,” he teased, frowning for a minute when he saw how exhausted Pepper really was. “You love that kid so much, I’m starting to feel invisible.”

“I just worry about you, two…” she smiled to herself, clearly amused. “Cut me some slack, Tony. It’s not easy to deal with two teenage minds in the house, you know.”

“Hey!”

Pepper chuckled lightly and Tony thought that, in spite of the long day, she seemed to be in better spirits than the previous days. He hated ruining the mood, but she was asking about the kid, and well, he knew she wouldn’t stop until he actually answered her.

“You know, Peter heard us the other night,” he led on, already feeling awful when he saw worry crossed her features. “My monologue actually, keywords he heard were _Cornwall_ and _the baby._ ”

“Oh God, Tony…”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I dodged _the baby_ conversation, told him we were referring to him.” He paused for a while, wanting to ask Pepper something that had been bothering him since that afternoon. “He got worried over Cornwall, though…”

“What about it?”

“Well, he knew we never made it to Cornwall Inn—”

“How did he find out?”

“The hotel called your office to ask if you wanted to reschedule, he answered the call for some reason,” Tony sighed deeply, trying not to tense his jaw in frustration. “Anyway… He was worried about the fact that we had a fight and that I might have lost my temper, took you to Dad’s place to do something…terrible.”

“What do you mean?” Pepper looked at him, half-concerned and half-anxious.

“Pep, my kid asked me pointblank if I physically hurt you,” he was anxious now, too, and he knew that the conversation was not helping his cause of making Pepper feel safe around him. “I believe his exact question was if I assaulted you…”

“But you didn’t—”

“Didn’t I? Because suddenly, I began to worry if…” He rested his palms on his thighs, fighting the urge to stand up and grab a drink. “Pep, that night, when we… I didn’t force myself on you, did I?”

“Tony, just hit pause for a second,” Pepper sounded…exasperated, probably because she already had a long day and now she needed to reassure him because he was being fretful. “You’re being ridiculous. Of course you didn’t. We were consenting adults, granted that there was so much anger that night from, well, both of us, it was still…a good night. I can’t believe this was going on in your head.” She softened a bit after taking a deep breath, eyeing him kindly. “For a genius, you really do overthink sometimes. How’s Peter?”

“Hmm… Apologetic?” He smiled a bit, relieved that Pepper thought otherwise. “For what it’s worth, he told me he didn’t believe that I could do such a thing…but that he had to ask because he got worried for you, for us.”

“You raised a good kid, did you know that?” She leaned forward to touch his face, pressing a light kiss on his cheek before whispering, “So crisis averted then? New topic?”

“Square deal,” he stood up, finally deciding on that drink. “Can I get you anything, Hon? Red or white?”

“A glass of water, please?” Pepper murmured, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the couch. “With ice, lots of ice.”

Tony furrowed his brows at her request but decided to keep his thoughts to himself. He poured himself a glass of scotch and brought her glass of water with him to the living room, only to find Pepper going through a box of the printed photos he and Peter had uncovered from earlier that day.

“Those are for you,” he said handing her the glass. “Peter printed them earlier today after we recovered them from the workshop’s servers.”

“He’s really a sweet kid,” Pepper smiled pensively at the photos and somehow, he felt his heart swell.

“You did say I raised a good one.” He took his seat beside her, studying her closely. “How are you feeling? Happy told me you guys stopped by the drugstore.”

“I’m fine, I’m just really tired. You know, it was a long day.”

Well, she had a point, but still… He knew he could be really quite persistent, it was definitely not his best trait but on more than one occasion, it had proven to be very helpful as well. So, he pressed on, hoping that Pepper wouldn’t be infuriated at him enough to have him sleeping in the guest room.

“Are you sure we’re not pregnant? You’ve been avoiding the alcohol and don’t try to deny it, I’ve noticed,” he wagged a finger at her when he saw that she was about to argue his point.

“I’m not.”

“I mean, it wouldn’t be a bad thing...” he went on, as if he didn’t hear her at all. “I know that I’ve been floating the idea of a new baby for the future but now would also be perfect. Anytime, really, Honey.”

He saw Pepper eyed him uncertainly and for the first time since he had started basically begging her for a new baby, he did recognize her hesitation.

_What could be wrong? Did she give up on the idea once and for all, after L.A.?_

“Tony…I appreciate your enthusiasm and wishful thinking. I really do.” She looked at him, apologetically and he was starting to really worry that maybe she didn’t want the idea after all, as much as he did. “But maybe it wouldn’t be a good idea _right now._ ”

“What do you mean?”

“Tony…”

“Do you have any reason to doubt it?”

She hesitated for a moment before saying, “Yes.”

He was frazzled by her admission. He found it hard to wrap his head around the idea that after all this time, she still thought that he was the same old Tony from fifteen years ago – the one who stupidly wished out loud that she wasn’t about to tell him she was having his baby, the one who scrambled around to keep his world from falling apart when he found out he was having Peter, the one who got so caught up in his own world when it started spinning so fast that it left her out…the very same one that nobody thought actually stood a chance to be a good father after all.

“You doubt that I really want a new baby…” he trailed off, the inflection missing from his voice because it wasn’t a question. It was a realization that was finally catching up with him.

“No, I don’t doubt that.” She gently took his hands in hers, rubbing them gently, soothingly. “It’s actually cute that you’ve been begging me for a new baby.”

“So what’s the problem?” he murmured softly, pulling her into his arms so he could wrap his arms around her while she rested her head against his neck. “What are you doubting then?”

He could feel her hesitation so he let her took her time. He was content to just sit there and hold her close while lightly stroking her arms, hoping that somehow the gesture would reassure her that yes, she could tell him anything, everything.

“Tony…you do realize that I only slept with you twice—”

“Two nights, yes, but technically not exactly _only_ twice, but who’s counting anyway.”

“—and when I first slept with you, the night of the rehearsal dinner, I was still engaged to…someone else.”

“I know. So what if you were?” He was ready with his rebuttal, he actually felt like he had been ready with it for days, weeks even. “Okay, I guess we were cheating then, fooling around, having an affair, however you want to call it. Pep, it doesn’t matter, because you and I both know that the hypothetical baby would have been conceived out of love anyway.”

“Tony…” her tone was both warning and apologetic, and he was somehow thankful that he couldn’t see her expression. “Don’t make me spell this out for you.”

“Spell out what?”

“If I’d be pregnant right now, there might be a chance that the baby wouldn’t be yours, by the sheer law of probability alone it wouldn’t be yours.”

“Oh.”

That did it for him, as if somebody had just emptied a bucket of cold water on his head leaving him frozen, stunned. For all his genius, he really did overlook a considerable part of this equation, quite a crucial part also, apparently. He had forgotten about her bastard of an ex-fiancé and he couldn’t help but feel that he had been cheated, again, by fate. Things were finally looking up and then…

“Pep…” he whispered, words failing him following that revelation.

“I never doubted your intentions, Tony, but I want us to have peace of mind,” she moved a bit to lightly kiss him on the lips which he gladly returned. “You don’t have to worry, I was careful then, with him. Can we go to bed now? I’m really tired, and we’re visiting Andros tomorrow.”

Tony nodded in agreement, tensing his jaw a bit as he got lost in his thoughts while he allowed Pepper to drag him from the couch to the bedroom. So maybe, he did lay in bed awake for a few hours before finally dozing off, but the last thing he could remember thinking about were her words:

_“You don’t have to worry, I was careful then, with him.”_

He might be nitpicking but if he factored in all the _necessary_ variables, those words could really spell a whole lot of difference. Screw the law of probability.

_Huh. Pep, were you really just trying to not let my hopes up? Just in case?_

\---- --- ----

“Do you want to go? We can always come back, you know? Every year, every month, whenever you want.”

They were standing in front of their child’s grave on what Tony thought was a cruelly bright, Saturday afternoon, with the sun shining brightly, the skies a lovely blue color, and the peonies Pepper had brought in full bloom. Everything surrounding them seemed to be teeming with life, and the irony of it all was not lost on Tony. He held Pepper’s hand, squeezing it tightly because he didn’t want to let go but there were some things that he needed to do…for them, for himself, for the kid…

“Go ahead,” he smiled at her, handing her the keys to the Audi that was parked just a few feet away from them. “Wait for me in the car? I just need a minute.”

He stood there for a while, waiting for the sound of Pepper’s steps to become distant before eventually fading. He sighed deeply as he crouched down pulling out a miniature R2D2 action figure from his pocket which he placed just beside the stone.

“Your brother loves Star Wars, I’m sure you would have loved that, too.” He smiled sadly at the idea, of the boys growing up together if only he had done some things a little bit differently. He could feel the guilt once more but he pushed on, because he owed this kid so much after all. “Did you know that he wanted a sibling for Christmas and he got so upset that he got an R2D2 instead?”

He gazed ahead blankly, his mind taking him back to that day in his office when he first found out about the baby and somehow, he could feel the whole weight of everything crashing down on him once more. He pressed a tight fist against his lips, trying to suppress the need to break down because there was still so much that needed to be said, because there were still so many apologies to make.

“I’m really sorry, kid. But I did love you, as soon as I knew about you, I did…and I want you to know that I’m paying for my shortcomings every day, every single moment. Every night, I try to save you, I still do, and I think I always will. I love you, kid,” he murmured softly, hoping against hope that somehow his long lost son could see him right now, could hear him right now. “Maybe you’d never forgive me and I know I will never make it up to you… But here’s one thing I can promise you, one thing that I am so sure of and that I intend to keep at all costs – I promise to never abandon your mother again…and I will love her as much as I could, for as long as I live. That, I can promise you.”

He stood up, hands in his pocket as he longingly thought about the baby. The boy would’ve been fourteen by now, turning fifteen, and he couldn’t help but yearn for the lost years and the missed chances.

_I love you, kid. And for now, you’ll be happy to know that I’m starting to make good on my promises. I’ll start with making your mother truly happy._

He turned around and walked towards the car, smiling in spite of himself. He was never letting the baby go, he certainly would never forget. But his guilt? He decided they should finally start taking the backseat because there was so much that needed to be done. After all, he had certain promises to fulfill.

\---- --- ----

“You okay?”

Pepper surprised him with a quick kiss on the cheek as she quietly strode into the living room. It was half-past nine in the evening, and after the day’s events, he found himself sitting on the couch going through old photos taken from the Malibu house. Most of them he took personally, he realized, and they were mainly of Pepper from twenty years ago and of Peter growing up during the summers that he would bring the kid there. The afternoon had made him hit pause and so the night was proving to be a slow, quiet one. All in all, it was a very welcome change of pace, a good reprieve before they head back to the city the following day.

“Always,” he automatically answered and when he saw her narrowed her eyes at him as she took the seat opposite his, he decided to be honest after all. “I’m okay adjacent.”

“Did today help?” she asked him uncertainly and not for the first time ever, he again realized that she really was doing this more for him than for her. He really was unworthy of her, wasn’t he?

“It did, a lot. Thank you, Pep.” He reached out to her, wanting her near him and he was glad that she stood up to indulge him and took the seat beside him. He then wrapped an arm around her, allowing her to gently lay her head on his shoulder. “What would I do without you?”

“How about we never find out?”

“I love you…” he murmured, leaning sideways to press a kiss against her temple. “Do you think… Do you think had he grown up with you in L.A., he would have forgiven me when he finally meets me?”

She was quiet for a while, and it bothered him that maybe, he wouldn’t be hearing something reassuring. But then again, he was willing to take anything, it was probably what he deserved anyway.

“I haven’t really thought about that, but I don’t see any reason why he wouldn’t.” She leaned forward to reach for the photos he was looking at and smiled softly at the photo of a young Peter, around six or seven then, playing along the beach. “For what it’s worth, I’m sure he has forgiven you, not that you needed it.”

“But I did. I do. Need it…” he admitted reflectively. He sighed deeply before smirking at her, hoping for a change in the mood. He pulled her to him so he could catch her lips, murmuring softly as he tried to deepen the kiss, “Speaking of needs…”

“Really…” she tried to whisper in between his kisses. “That’s how you planned to segue into a new topic?”

He grinned at her, finally pulling away and standing up to head for the wet bar. “What I was going to say was I need a drink. Can I get you anything?”

“I think I’ll pass…”

He eyed her knowingly but instead of walking in the direction of the bar, he took out his phone and a gentle piano intro began playing within the room.

“Dance with me, Potts,” he asked, offering her his hand and he could tell that she was more amused than surprised, really. “Dance with me.”

“Bon Jovi, really?”

“So what? It’s romantic,” he dragged her to the middle of the room, and Tony was smirking at her as he pulled her closer, his hand comfortably resting on the small of her back. “Besides, it’s the only way, I know how, Potts. Only way I know how…”

“I thought you wanted a drink.”

“I realized I wanted you more…”

She was looking at him, blue eyes scrutinizing him in the way that only his mother could do so a few decades back. He just couldn’t hide behind those eyes, after all these years…

“You have to stop hurting,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Hurting?”

“Every time we discuss the baby, you haven’t been drinking. It must be really bad if even you know that you can’t just dull away the pain.”

So that was what she going with this. He raised his brows, trying to think how he could best tell her why but he was Tony Stark, and ready-fire-aim just worked for him all the time.

“I’ve changed, Pep, or didn’t you notice?” He smiled at her, although what really occurred to him was a quite bitter memory. “You’ve seen me with a drink or two, max, but I haven’t really been drunk since…”

“Since?”

“Since Cornwall and well, New Year’s Eve…” He saw that she seemed confused and as much as he hated reminding her of what happened, well, she was looking at him quizzically. “When you didn’t run away with me…” he offered by way of an explanation, deciding to leave out the second half of that thought – _And when I thought I’d ask you to marry me…_

He could almost pinpoint the exact moment when a dark shadow passed over her face and he realized he really did say something terrible, after all. He tried to catch her eyes, but she looked past over his shoulders, clearly resolved to avoid his gaze.

“I bring out your dark side, don’t I?”

The thought never really occurred to him, and he could think of a million reasons to refute that argument but he opted for the truth instead. Pepper was the most formidable woman he had ever known, there was simply no way that he could just sweet-talk his way out of this one, never mind the fact that she was definitely wrong, so might as well settle for the truth.

“You don’t…” He did manage to catch her eyes and he willed her to hold his gaze because she had to know. “It’s losing you that brings it out. I realized now that I didn’t let you go fifteen years ago, I lost you then. I also didn’t let you go on your wedding day, even if my ego insists otherwise. I lost you to someone else. Well, almost…”

“Tony—”

“Pep, the truth is, you’re better off without me.”

Anyone who knew the public persona of Tony Stark would have never imagined him throwing his self-esteem out of the window by saying something as raw and as unadulterated as that, but it was the truth. It was something that he knew all along, since he first met her twenty two years ago, since he tried to keep her fifteen, twenty years ago, since she came back to his life just a few months ago. And he knew that he had to let her know that, she would have to acknowledge that fact if ever she eventually decided to stay with him, for good this time, because he didn’t want to fool her into believing that she didn’t deserve better just because he was now a changed man.

“That’s not true…” she was actually grinning at him, the kind of smile she would wear for when she knew that she had just secured a challenging business deal. “And I chose you, I don’t think it could be clearer than that.”

“You know you’re making the wrong choice, but you make it anyway.”

“I think as the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, I could recognize a poor decision when I see one.”

He glanced at her and he would have to agree, he was a sealed business deal.

_Signed, sealed, delivered, I’m yours, Potts…_

“I won’t be able to take you leaving again,” he frankly admitted, and he knew that his big brown eyes were doing their job but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t mean to guilt her into staying, but it was just the truth, his heart’s truth.

“And I won’t be able to take you hurting me again.”

“Which works out well because I don’t plan to,” he quipped, loving the way the statement brought a nice twinkle in her eyes; he hated the fact that those blue eyes had been awfully sad for so long. “Although, this is me we’re talking about, I might screw up unintentionally. But know that I will never _intend_ to hurt you. Not again. Not this time.”

They swayed silently for a while and when the song finally ended, he just held her close, just wanting to prolong the moment as much as he could.

“I love you, Tony.”

He heard her loud and clear, but he had been waiting for her to say it for so long, ever since Cornwall, that he couldn’t help but grin widely as he teased her.

“I’m sorry? I think you just said something important and I needed to hear that again.”

“I love you…” she was smiling at him, the kind that he liked to dub in his head as her Tony-you’re-being-a-complete-idiot-again smile. A smile that was his, solely his.

“Can you say that again?” he asked, kissing the side of her lips and and her cheek and then behind her ear and then down to the base of her neck…

“I love you…”

“Just one more time, Honey, because I just have to be sure…”

“I love you, and if you make me repeat that again, I might just have to smack you.”

He laughed at that, but damn it if this wasn’t turning out to be one of the best nights of his life. He was so relieved that he finally heard those words from her, sans the tears and the arguing, in the aftermath of Cornwall and Killian and the baby. Finally, a clean slate for the both of them.

“It’s called reproducibility, Honey. It’s science-based,” he couldn’t help but chuckle as she rolled her eyes at him. “You know, Pep, I think I will sleep well tonight.”

“Is that so?”

He moved in to wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him as he kissed her, tender and deeply and unhurriedly, taking his time because God knows they only had the rest of their lives, this time around.

“My nightmares are usually about losing you,” he whispered in between kisses and he couldn’t help but groan when he felt her hands gently tugged at his hair. “Now that I know you'll be here, I think those kinds won’t haunt me tonight, and hopefully, never again.”

“Well if it helps you sleep…” she managed to murmur on the rare occasions that he allowed her to come up for air, “I love you…”

\---- --- ----

“Pep? Are you okay?” Tony asked worriedly as he collapsed onto her, exhausted and replete.

He tried to catch his breath as he propped himself on his elbow to take his weight off of her, watching her carefully as he tucked a strawberry-blonde strand behind her ear. Her breathing was shallow and her eyes were closed, and he wanted to kick himself because while he knew that she was still feeling unwell, he was selfish enough to allow his long-standing need for her to eventually win. He kissed her lips chastely, wanting her once more but he fought the urge this time, because he was worried he had gone too far as he wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.

He was able to breathe easier when she slowly opened her eyes, sleepily, those iridescent blues shined, sated. He smiled down at her, relief filling him because he _did_ get lost in the moment there, and while it wasn’t a valid excuse, it was because he had wanted her so badly and he was certain that if she hadn’t had the slightest idea for how long and how badly then, she did now. He couldn’t get enough of her. He wanted her again and he knew that he would be more than willing to _take_ her again had he not known that he _had_ really worn her out this time.

“I’m so sorry, Pep…” He sighed and groaned, planting light kisses on her neck as he whispered in her ear, “I got greedy, Honey. I wore you out. You can sleep now…”

“Really…you’ll finally let me sleep?” she was staring at him, eyes dazed but not far from coquettish, and her suggestive grin did nothing for his waning strength, leaving him no other choice but to collapse once more onto her. He rested his head against her neck, kissing her fleetingly, as she gently ran her fingers through his hair.

“You know, you should never say such things to me,” he murmured contently. “Don’t tempt me, Honey. Just give me a few minutes, and you’ll never know what hit you.”

“I never thought I’d like it when you get greedy…” she mused distractedly as she felt his fingers ran restlessly, not quite aimlessly, everywhere.

“You also like being set up by me…” he paused with his ministrations to lean over to kiss her languidly before retreating back to her neck. “You remember?”

“Oh, it’s not like you ever let me forget.”

“It’s the house,” Tony murmured and he couldn’t help but smile at the sound of her laughter. “There’s really something about this house. Had I only known, I would have brought you back here sooner.”

He rolled over to lay on his back, tucking her to his side so he could lightly stroke her spine while she draped an arm across his chest.

“This is perfect,” she murmured, breathing him in and kissing his jaw before her voice drifted off as she sighed, “Good night, Tony, I love you.”

He dipped his head so he could watch her eyes finally drift close in exhaustion. He stared at her for a minute, marveling at their new beginning, a clean slate. He brushed his lips softly over her brow, his fingers lightly tracing her back.

“Good night, Pep. I love you,” he said quietly. He knew she didn’t hear it, but it didn’t matter. She already knew.

\---- --- ----

Sometime in the early hours of the morning, Pepper woke up to find Tony sleeping soundly beside her, on his stomach with an arm draped over her waist. Her mind wandered off to the amazing night they had had, but eventually, her thoughts went back to that one thing she knew she should have already done a few days back. She chided herself, hating the fact that she had allowed Tony to hope and that she had let him have his way without coming clean to him before _anything_ actually happened. This was definitely very far from the clean slate and fresh beginning he had always wanted since Cornwall, and already she hated herself for it.

Well, she couldn’t really do anything about it now, could she? She just might as well proceed with it, get it over and done with and hope for the best.

She slipped out of bed and took a shirt from Tony’s suitcase which he had left open in the middle of the floor. Pulling it over her head, she grabbed her purse and tiptoed through the room, closing the bathroom door behind her. She stared at herself in the mirror, reminding herself that she was doing this not because she was scared of the result but because she already knew what the result would be, she merely needed the confirmation. She was merely taking a test just so she would know, so that they would have peace.

She stared at the test laid out on the sink, quietly awaiting for that result she knew she would have.

_Five minutes. It will only take five minutes._

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🎧 Thank You for Loving Me, by Bon Jovi
> 
> Apologies, because I know this took over two weeks, but I figured it was better that I give you a full chapter rather than a chapter that's messily split into two (I almost ended the chapter with Peter's message to MJ just to give you guys something ahead of time).
> 
> And...I thought I'd try to make this one special (read: labor of love) because this chapter marked this fic's passing beyond 100k words.
> 
> As I was saying, this was not in the original drafts, but...but...but... I can't help it. I just can't.
> 
> And let me quote Tony - "So, what do you think?"
> 
> Because honestly, I have as much fun hearing your thoughts as writing these chapters. ❤
> 
> P.S. Happy (late) Pepperony Week! ❤


	17. Desperately Seeking Virginia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I love you, I'm lucky...” —Tony Stark, Iron Man 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, when Tony told Peter, "I want you to be better," I couldn't help but think that he's really becoming a better version of Tony at the same age. But then again, he got the Stark genes, the mischief even, and everything that came with it. He's a pretty precious kid. Let's just see where this goes.

**Present day, February, Manhattan NY:**

A piercing cry tore through the early hours of dawn, pushing Tony to almost automatically get up from the bed even before his consciousness had fully resurfaced. He glanced at Pepper’s sleeping form beside him and for a moment, he was actually torn between staying in bed to get some much needed rest while he let her take care of the matter and getting up to actually address what had awakened him at the hour, but one look at how exhausted Pepper truly was ultimately made his decision easier. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and softly padded his way to the crib just a few steps away from her side of the bed.

“Hey, little miss. What’s gotten you awake?” He whispered, cooing at the baby, barely over a couple of months old, and whose dark brown eyes, identical as his, were widely awake and gazing curiously at him. He bent over to pick her up, cradling her in his arms as they headed in the direction of the balcony that was overlooking the Pacific. “I know Mommy just fed you less than an hour ago, so what’s wrong?

The baby just stared at him in wonder, the cries gradually abating just like what always happened whenever she would hear that soft, rushing sound of the waves. Tony smiled at her, gazing at the baby with nothing but adoration and marveling at how she was looking at him – so small and fragile and yet so trusting – and already, he felt that familiar humbling feeling just thinking about how lucky he actually ended up being. Fifteen years, he had waited for this baby for fifteen long years and while he was most certainly feeling the exhaustion of having a newborn while already in his forties, moments like this one was more than enough to make up for the physical strain and the sleepless nights.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. I got you, Morgan…” he whispered, dipping his head a bit to kiss the top of her head, already knowing full well that the fatigue and the long nights were so totally worth it, never mind the fact that he almost felt like a rookie once more at this whole baby thing. His firstborn was already in his teens after all and just as expected, his diaper changing skills had definitely gotten rusty, but one look at those little dark brown eyes and he knew he was hooked, he would do anything for her, come hell or high water. “Daddy’s going to protect you from the world, and that’s a promise I intend to keep for as long as I live. You will always be Daddy’s little girl…”

He was so lost in her eyes, mesmerized at his daughter’s small smile, that he had not noticed that Pepper had actually left the bed, and was now gently grasping his arms.

“Tony…”

“Hey, Honey. It’s okay, I got Morgan. Go back to bed so you can get some rest…”

“Tony…”

He gradually opened his eyes and it took him a minute or two to take everything in – the familiar bedroom, the balcony overlooking the Manhattan skyline instead of the Pacific, and Pepper… Pepper who was already dressed for work, her make up done, and gently nudging him awake – and he realized that he was already back in New York, away from the reprieve and the slumber and the pseudo-honeymoon their Malibu stay had somehow turned out to be. He gazed at her, half-awake and half-confused because everything felt so damn real so much so that he could still feel the weight of the baby in his arms. Everything felt like a distant echo of some version of a reality that his subconscious had suddenly decided was important that he was made aware of.

“Pep, Honey, we named the baby Morgan.”

She looked at him quizzically, raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow before moving away from the bed to head for the walk-in closet, calling out to him on her way, “What are you talking about?”

“I dreamt we had a kid, it was so real…” he answered pensively, as he finally got off the bed to follow her. He stared at her while he leaned against the doorframe, watching her style her hair into a neat ponytail, his eyes momentarily catching hers through the mirror. “It was the same kid I’ve imagined when we were just talking about the idea of a new baby last week, during Valentine’s day. She was still a baby in my dream, but I knew it was the same kid.”

“Tony, we _did_ have a baby, _his_ name was Andros,” she patiently told him as if this piece of information was new to him. She opened a drawer to look for a particular pair of earrings when she paused momentarily, looking at the mirror to throw him an inquiring glance. “Imagined? During Valentine’s?”

“Yes. I don’t know why, but a little brown eyed baby girl was all I could picture at the time…and apparently even in my dreams,” he gazed at her in a way which he thought was probably too intense for her liking, but he shrugged it off. He wanted to prove a point to her, even if that point was a bit unclear to him as well. “Pep, are you pregnant?”

“Tony…” she treaded measuredly, walking towards to where he was standing so he could take her in his arms, his hands automatically falling on her hips. “I thought you’re going to let this go, after we left Malibu?”

“But I had a dream about it and it was so real…” he knew he sounded desperate, not to mention ridiculous by insisting as if the argument that the dream felt real was enough to make it true in real life but he couldn’t care less. “She was so real. Pep, I could still remember the feel of her weight in my arms and… I don’t know. Is my subconscious trying to tell me something that you aren’t telling me about?”

It didn’t matter for how long or how many times he had basically badgered her about it, but he decided he would keep trying, he would keep asking, until she would have no other choice but to tell him that yes, she was indeed pregnant. Because he knew it, in his heart, with or without the dreams, he _knew_ she was having his baby, which did not explain why she wouldn’t tell him…just yet.

He was waiting for her to shut him down mercilessly, or to dodge his persistence as expertly as she always did, but there was nothing. Instead, her reaction somewhat hit him differently, it was totally unexpected. She was looking at him somewhat apologetically, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.

“Pep…” he trailed off tentatively, completely dumbfounded at the way she was looking at him, almost as if there really was _something_ she couldn’t tell him about. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

She reached out to wrap her arms around his neck, letting him pull her closer while she murmured, “I am…” before kissing him deeply and languidly.

He knew she was distracting him and he could have called her out on it, but damn it, he was only human and this was Pepper so he returned the kiss, realizing once more how greedy he really was when it came to her. He needed her, he had been wanting her for so long and somehow since Malibu, just knowing that she was his and that she had finally let her guard down was not helping his focus at all. He knew he should be pursuing his questions, but at the same time he could never get enough of her. Apparently, he was more insatiable than determined, which was not helping his objective at all.

_God, she’s good. How am I supposed to argue my case when I need all my blood up here…in my brain…ideally. Get it together, Stark…_

“Honey…” he whispered, letting her come up for air when he started nibbling at her ear and planting soft kisses down her throat. “Come back to bed with me, just for a few minutes…or you know, an hour or two…”

“One of us has to work,” she smiled when he kissed the side of her lips, then gently leaned in so she could kiss him on the cheek before heading back to the dresser. She opened a few drawers, taking a moment to decide which pair of earrings and watch to wear for the day, her only jewelries of choice. “I have to run your company. I trust you remember that you put me in charge?”

“You love that company more than me. I’m like what, third in your priorities? You love SI, you love my son, then me?” He sauntered towards her, slipping his arms from behind so he could wrap it around her waist while he pulled her closer to his chest before finally resting his head against her neck. He breathed her in and she was intoxicating. “I’m surprised I even made it to your top three,” he murmured, not bothering to move his head.

“Stop being so petulant,” she told him, nudging him with her shoulder so she could put on her earrings while he caught her eyes through the mirror. She was smirking at him. “And I love your son more than the company.”

“But you still love the company more than me. Just come back to bed, Honey. I want you, _need_ you…” he saw her narrowed her eyes at him and he couldn’t help but suppress a wide grin as he proceeded to amend his statement. “Love you?”

“You’re incorrigible.”

“I also go by greedy and insatiable,” he countered, grabbing her left hand after she had put on her watch. “You know what your outfit’s missing? An engagement ring.”

“Tony…”

He gazed at her through the mirror, brown eyes locking against her blue ones. He let go of her hand in favor of wrapping his arms around her waist once more while he rested his chin against her shoulder, his eyes never leaving hers.

“Pep… I’ve had the ring ready for years, decades even.” He turned his head so he could kiss her cheek before whispering in her ear, “We don’t have to get married tomorrow, but getting engaged would be a nice first step.”

He expected her to look panicked, or at the very least uneasy, because he was rushing everything and truth be told, she was probably getting overwhelmed. Instead, she was looking at him as if she was mulling over a business proposal in her head, and he thought, well, he’d take that reaction. At least, she was considering it.

“I’m not letting you propose to me one morning, on a whim, inside your walk-in closet.” She turned around in his embrace, kissed him lightly on the lips, then grabbed her bag on her way out. She stopped by the doorway to smile back at him, clearly amused. “I’ll see you tonight, Tony.”

He watched her go and he couldn’t help but wonder, what was it they were talking about again? Before he got so distracted?

_Oh, Pep. You’re good. Damn it, you don’t play fair._

\---- --- ----

“Why are you driving me to school?” Peter asked while they were stopped at the intersection that Monday morning. Not to sound ungrateful, but this was not their norm, at least since high school. At times, Happy would drive him around, but he usually took the subway whenever he could, as part of his trying-to-be-a-normal-kid-without-the-Stark-name-looming-over-his-head routine. “I mean, I like it when you do, but what’s up? Is this because of what we talked about in Malibu?”

“Nah, don’t worry about it, kid,” his father assured him while he distractedly drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “I have time on my hands, and I’ve been so preoccupied with a lot of things lately, I realized I kind of missed you, you know?”

“Kind of?” he rolled his eyes, trying to act scandalized at the remark. “Just ‘kind of,’ Dad? Ouch, I’m so hurt.”

That earned him a chuckle from his old man as they watched the light slowly turned to green. Tony shifted gears, and Peter stole a sidelong glance at his father in an attempt to gauge his mood. He wondered if he should be trying his patience right now, but he still needed to prove the existence of his hypothetical sibling and he figured he should take every opening he could get.

“Where’s Pepper?” Peter decided to lead with that, because his father was usually in a better mood whenever they talk about his girlfriend. He found the fact that Pepper seemed to have this soothing effect on his father rather impressive. He knew his Dad and Peter would still argue that he was simply the best, but this whole in-a-relationship version of him was totally different, he was certainly seeing a new side of him as the days passed by. “Is she feeling better?”

“She left early for work but I know she’s still unwell. She hides it from me and I couldn’t help but worry, which reminds me…” Tony glanced at him uncertainly before dragging the words out. “How would you feel if I told you that Pepper and I are having a baby?”

_You mean a new one? Other than the one you’re still hiding from me?_

The thought came to him quicker than he expected and Peter really tried not to tense his jaw and to not just blurt it all out accusatorily. He didn’t mind having a younger sibling, he welcomed the idea of a new baby just as much as his father did, but he still couldn’t let his theory go.

“Are you? Expecting?” Peter answered instead, “I mean, is it even physically possible?”

“Yes, maybe, I don’t know…” Tony trailed off awkwardly. “She denies it, but she’s been sick every morning and it’s been more than a month since…the fundraiser, you know, when we first—”

“I get it. I get it, Dad,” he cut in, not really wanting to know too many details. He looked at his father and offered him a small but genuine smile, if only to reassure the man. “A new baby would be amazing, I’d be really happy, Dad. I’ve always wanted a sibling, you know?”

“I know, Pete, I know…” Tony muttered pensively and Peter couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in his father’s head.

_Was he thinking about ‘the baby,’ the one they were talking about back in Malibu?_

Tony shifted to a lower gear as they turned a corner before entering the school grounds. They drove directly to the parking lot in silence rather than simply dropping him off at the lobby. Peter might have protested before when his father walked him from the parking lot to the school’s lobby as if he was some third grader, but not right now. Looking past his own ulterior motives of asking him about _the baby,_ he actually _did_ miss his Dad, and after everything that he falsely accused the older man of about Cornwall, he wanted to make it up to him somehow through simple rituals like this short walk.

“Dad, have you seen the news?” he asked, scrolling through his phone as he went through the local headlines.

“Is it a PR nightmare? Because I personally don’t care, I never did, but Pepper would be really upset and she didn’t need this on her plate right now.” His father took the phone he was offering so he could see the headlines for himself. “It says here we eloped last week to get married in Malibu. Well, nice try, but unfortunately also not true. This wasn’t exactly bad, though it could’ve been worse.”

“I agree,” Peter took the phone being returned to him and continued to scroll through the day’s latest headlines. “One of the business editors even went on to state that it would be better for the company when you guys finally get married, that _‘the partnership between Mr. Stark and Ms. Potts would contribute to the company’s stability, similar to what people thought could have happened more than a decade ago,’_ ” he read on, verbatim.

“People really think that I’d be lost without Pepper, which, you know, is actually true,” Tony smiled at the thought, that smile eventually evolving into a wide grin. “That’s one more thing I could tell her when I finally propose to her, that it would also help SI in the stock market.”

Peter laughed at that, only his father could and would pull off a marriage proposal like that. But his mind was not fully into it, though, because he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe it was for the same reason why they were keeping this hypothetical sibling from him, from the rest of the world.

“Well, your future engagement would really boost SI’s points, Dad. Unlike, say, a secret lovechild from the past?” he tossed the idea at his father, hoping he did sound as nonchalant as possible.

“I don’t think a secret lovechild could hurt us, PR-wise,” Tony paused and for a while there, Peter thought he saw a shadow passed over his father’s features. “Or any child for that matter.”

“That’s what I thought, too. So it wouldn’t make sense to hide one, right?” Peter eyed his father intently, watching closely if Tony would give anything away.

“Care to elaborate what you’re driving at, Pete?”

Peter felt terrible testing his father like this, but he was really unconvinced that they were referring to him when they mentioned _the baby_ back in Malibu. But for all of his efforts, he knew that ultimately, the quickest way to find out the truth would be to read the dossier his father had on Pepper, and he didn’t want to do that. He still hoped to hear the truth from his father as much as possible.

_Why are you hiding this child, Dad?_

“I’m just saying that there’s no point in hiding a child, right?” He hated lying to his father, but he couldn’t let the theory go. He just couldn’t. “So I guess, I believe you. When you told me that there’s no other baby and that you were referring to me back when I heard you talking in Malibu, I believe you. I’m sorry I ever doubted you.”

He meant the last part, he truly did. He didn’t want to doubt his father, but he couldn’t understand why they had been keeping his sibling from him. Wanting to hide a child from the rest of the world, that he could understand because his Dad had been very particular about his privacy growing up. But hiding his own sibling from him?

_What really happened fifteen years ago, Dad?_

“It’s okay, kid,” Tony smiled at him and already, Peter had thoughts of wanting to come clean. “You don’t have to apologize for that. Pepper and I will see you at dinner, okay?”

“Okay…” he put on the best smile he could muster, already feeling so guilty he wanted to hug his father. “Love you, Dad.”

“Love you, too, kiddo.”

\---- --- ----

“Peter, are you okay?” MJ asked as she watched him walk towards her at the school’s lobby. She had seen him talking to his father and judging by the way his shoulders slumped in resignation, she had a fairly good idea what they were talking about.

“I’m fine now. It’s so good to finally see you,” Peter offered her a smile and beneath the turmoil, he did feel a bit lighter just seeing her once more. The midwinter recess was only for a week and yet he felt as if it had been longer, never mind the fact that he called her almost every day.

“Likewise…” she smiled at him tentatively and it was still something that he was trying to get used to lately, this whole new side of MJ that was known to him and only to him. “How did it go with your Dad?”

“He still wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“What if it’s because there’s nothing to tell?”

Peter sighed deeply, more out of frustration than anything else. “MJ, I have a sibling. I _know_ it. I just need to read Pepper’s dossier and that would be it.” He covered his face with his hands then ran his fingers through his hair as if the action would clear his head. “I just want to know what happened, where my sibling is, and why they’re hiding the truth from me.”

“Peter…” she looked at him worriedly and sometimes he still couldn’t believe how lucky he was indeed to have her around. “What if it’s because there’s no good news? If that would be the case, what good would it do?”

He had thought about it, he knew there was a chance that Pepper had lost the child in L.A. and if he was being really honest, he knew that this theory seemed more likely than all the others. Still he had to try, he just wanted to know…to understand.

“Then I still get to have a sibling, and you know I’ve always dreamed of having one.”

\---- --- ----

Tony sighed heavily as he rolled out of the undercarriage of the ’32 Ford, his sweatpants all grimy and his arms covered in grease up to his elbows. He aimlessly tossed the wrench to the floor while he sat on the creeper, unmoving and clearly frustrated. He was working on the car because he wanted to clear his head, and as much as he hated admitting it, he honestly had no idea what to do with Pepper.

Pepper, the very one person who filled his every waking moment (and even his dreams, apparently), the one who turned his once quiet world upside down just a little over three months ago, and the same woman who owned him ever since twenty two years ago. He should be happy because things were finally looking up right now and he was, but he also couldn’t help but worry.

He finally got the girl, the woman of his dreams, and while it had been quite a rocky few months, the last months had also made him feel alive, more alive than he ever did in the last fifteen years. He was, little by little, making peace with the fact that he lost a son he didn’t even know he had. Pepper, on the other hand, was slowly forgiving him, for Cornwall and for everything else. She was beginning to let him in once again, letting her guard down so that he didn’t have to steal kisses in the middle of the night anymore. She had allowed the kisses, the touch, and so much more, and had he not been begging her for a new baby, a child of their own, he would have died a happy man if someone were to pull a trigger on him right now. So what seemed to be the problem?

_What if Pepper’s really pregnant?_

He thought he had let the idea go. After all he had somehow agreed, apparently he did once he was fully satiated during their last night in Malibu (mental note: next time, he should really never allow Pepper to sweet-talk him into anything while on bed because that’s just not playing fair), that he would drop the topic once they were back in New York. Besides, Pepper had insisted that _“You don’t have to worry, I was careful then, with him.”_ But the thing was, as much as he would like to let the topic go, he couldn’t just pretend that he wasn’t hearing her getting sick on the bathroom floor every single morning. Forget the fact that she was being careful, accidents could occur and if his sons were not proof that unplanned, happy accidents could happen, he honestly didn’t know what else would.

_So, Pepper might be really pregnant. The baby’s mine, right?_

He knew he was counting on her words like a lifeline, that when she said that she was careful back then, it meant that despite the law of probability, the baby would be his, not Killian’s. He might be nitpicking, overanalyzing her words, but he had to have something to believe in, and as long as there was doubt, the baby could still be his, even if the sheer law of probability alone dictated otherwise. Plus there were those other variables to consider, too, variables that would spell a world of difference and would improve his very small chances, if he would be really overanalyzing her words: _“…I was careful then, with him.”_

The thing was, when it came to Pepper, he was nothing but a greedy bastard who would take what he can get for as long as she allowed him to. So yes, those two nights that they had slept together, prior to their pseudo-honeymoon in Malibu (by the way, now that he thought about it, he never bothered to ask Pepper if she was on the pill or anything the whole time they were in Malibu, which worked for him because he was begging, begging her for a new baby anyway), had been more of a risk-it kind of trysts, a spur-of-the-moment thing that was further amplified by the intensity of the situations they were in at the time and of emotions running high. Pepper was informed, of course, and she agreed to it, on both nights, so if he factored that variable in…

_We weren’t exactly being careful then…_

The baby would be his, he was almost sure of it, and if Pepper was unfazed just like how she was earlier that morning, he really didn’t have to worry, did he? The baby was his, which begged the question, why had Pepper not told him about it yet? She knew he would be happy, because he had been begging her for a child of their own anyway. Did she really think he was not being serious? That he would just drop the ball once more just like fifteen years ago?

_Maybe it’s because she’s not really pregnant at all…_

It made some sense, albeit not completely, and when he really gave it much thought, he figured it would be better this way – less complicated, less drama, no room for doubts. He would just have to resign himself to the fact that he would have that baby when she’s ready, and right now what he should be doing was making sure that he dragged her to see a doctor if she remained unwell in the coming days. For now, he thought he could really use a shower and get some work done afterwards, anything that would make things easier for Pepper, anything to help her.

\---- --- ----

Half an hour later, Tony had stepped out of the shower and was surveying the master bedroom, thinking how he could be of help to Pepper. He knew she wouldn’t let him help with SI’s affairs, she’s got that covered, but he thought he could work on the little things so that Pepper would have nothing to do but rest by the time she came home. He was actually thinking more along the lines of cooking dinner later during the day when their suitcases from Malibu caught his eye. That, he thought, he could work on.

He thought he would unpack their suitcases, send the clothes to the dry cleaners, and store the shoes and the bags she had brought with her to the closet, because he was pretty sure she would never let the housekeepers do it for her. Pepper was very particular with their personal items to leave it to the hands of his housekeepers and since he was pretty sure she’d personally tackle this for when she came home tonight, he decided to do it himself. That’s at least one less thing that Pepper needed to do.

He had unpacked his own suitcase quickly by making a pile of items for dry cleaning and storing his shoes back to his walk-in closet, while the grooming items and similar paraphernalia easily found their way to the vanity cabinet in their bathroom. The company documents that Pepper had brought home with them were securely piled on top of the coffee table beside the balcony windows, along with the box of photos that Peter had printed for them. He proceeded to do the same with her suitcase and he was done less than an hour later, when her vanity case sitting on top of the dresser caught his eye.

He honestly didn’t know what propelled him to do it – or more accurately, to think the thoughts that made him want to do it – but he had decided to check her vanity case because he vaguely remembered that she had stopped by a drugstore on her way home one night when they were in Malibu. He was expecting to find either a pregnancy test (because really, in spite of what he had come to realize back in the garage, he couldn’t shake the feeling that she really might be pregnant) or a set of medications. Either way, he wanted to know because at least he would have a fair grasp of what was really going on.

He found four boxes of pregnancy test kits, all three of them were sealed and unused and the last one was empty.

_Where’s the test?_

He searched the rest of her vanity case but it wasn’t there. He went over her suitcase once more and checked every pocket and every hidden pocket but he didn’t find it either. He rummaged through the drawers of their dresser, searched every purse she brought with her to Malibu, looked through every shoebox in their closet, frisked every coat and every blazer she had recently worn, and turned the trash bin in their bathroom upside down but he found nothing. He collapsed on their bed, his heart beating wildly he thought it would escape his own chest.

_Pep, you should’ve told me. This isn’t like fifteen years ago, whatever the result I would have wanted to know…_

He took out his phone and dialed her number but it went straight to voicemail, all eight times. He sent her multiple messages, hitting send one after the other:

> _12:30 PM: Pep, where are you? I think we need to talk.  
>  12:33 PM: Pep, just please, answer my calls.  
> 12:34 PM: Honey, just talk to me, please.  
> 12:35 PM: I’m here for you, whatever you need, but please, talk to me.  
> 12:35 PM: I’m starting to worry. Where are you? Why aren’t you answering my calls?_

He then tried calling her office phone directly but no one was picking up. He then called Bambi, who answered after three excruciatingly long rings.

“Stark Industries CEO office, good af—”

“Bambi, where’s Pepper?” he cut in, trying to still his frantic heart. “I’ve been trying to call her but I can’t reach her. Is she in? Does she have a meeting?”

“Mr. Stark? No, Ms. Potts stepped out more than an hour ago. She told me she has an appointment but she should be back in half an hour.”

“What appointment? Where?” He stood up and started pacing around the room, trying to sound calm, and even if a million thoughts were racing through his head right now, he honestly did not know what to make of it. He just hoped that she was safe and that she was okay.

“She didn’t say. It's not in her schedule either, but she keeps a separate planner in her purse sometimes, for when she needed to schedule personal matters.”

Like a doctor’s appointment, he wondered, sighing deeply as he tried to stop himself from grabbing the keys to the Audi just to drive aimlessly within the city in the hopes of spotting her walking along a random street.

“Thank you, Bambi. Just please, tell her I called.”

He ended the call and scrolled through Happy’s name after he failed to reach Pepper once more. She would’ve brought Happy with her, right? Because whatever the result was, the last thing he wanted was a bunch of paparazzi hounding her as she stepped out of a doctor’s clinic.

“Boss?”

“Happy,” he caught his breath, feeling like he just ran a marathon because his heart was still thumping loudly. “Is Pepper with you?”

“No. Isn’t she in the office? What’s going on, Boss?”

“Nothing. Nothing, Hap…” he silently counted to three in his head before sighing deeply. He had to clear his head, because right now what he wanted to do was to send Happy and his guys to search for Pepper and unless she was in mortal danger, she would really have his head if he did such a thing…all because of an empty box of pregnancy test kit. “You didn’t drive her to her appointment?”

“It’s not in her schedule. Why, is she missing?”

“No…No, I’m sure she’s fine.” He stopped pacing and collapsed onto the bed once more, the empty box still in his hand as he tried to think where she could have possibly gone to. “Don’t worry, Hap. Thank you.”

He didn’t know how long he was lying on the bed, but he knew it was long enough to calm his heart and for the exhaustion to kick in once the initial onslaught of adrenaline started to die down. He wanted to know the result, sure, but what he was more concerned about was that Pepper should’ve known that she didn’t need to do this alone, not this time. He wanted to be there for her, for when she found out that she was having his child or for when the test turned out to be negative. He wanted to hold her hand in those five minutes that she had waited all alone for the result that could change her life, _their_ lives. He wanted to do the right thing this time around, he wanted to make up for abandoning her fifteen years ago.

_Where are you, Pep?_

He stood up to grab the keys to the Audi, ultimately deciding to head to the tower so that he could wait for her to return to her office, when his phone rang and he was finally, finally able to breathe easily. Pepper was calling, she was okay.

“Tony? Is everything alright?”

“Pep, thank God. Where were you?” he tried to keep the panic from his voice but he knew that she could hear it anyway. “Do you know what you’ve been putting me through?”

“I’m sorry, Tony. I had an appointment but I’m already on my way up to the office. Is something wrong? You were fine this morning.”

“I’m okay, I’m fine…” he closed his eyes, trying to breathe slowly, letting her voice ground him. “But I was worried about you. I couldn’t reach your phone and nobody knew where you were, and I thought that something happened and—”

“Tony? I’m okay. I’m sorry.” A beat, then, “Why did you call?”

He exhaustedly sat on the bed, glancing at the empty box that was still on his hand and he knew that if he asked her if she’s pregnant, she would either deny it or avoid it, like all the other times that he did ask before. Either way, she wouldn’t know about his frantic search for the test, the panic when nobody knew where she was, or the guilt he felt for knowing that even after fifteen years, she still didn’t know that she could rely on him to hold her hand, this time around.

“I called because…” he tapped the empty box against his thigh as he swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He stared at the box and decided that if she wouldn’t tell him anything right now, he would rather talk to her about it later tonight, in person. At least, he could reassure her more that way. “Is there something you have to be telling me?”

_Pep, just say you took a test and it was negative and I promise to let it go. Or that it’s positive and you’re having my baby so I could tell you how happy I am…_

There was a pause from her end, and he wondered if she was debating whether to finally come clean to him or not. He wondered why she was having reservations, and he wanted to kick himself for that even if he wouldn’t know why.

“That I love you? And that I have a Vanity Fair interview in five minutes.”

She opted to avoid it then. It was okay, he would much rather do this in person anyway. Tonight, then.

“Tell me that you at least had lunch?”

“I haven’t, but I will grab a bite after the interview. I have to go, Tony.”

“Alright, I’ll see you tonight. And Honey?” God, he loved her so much he thought he was about to have a heart attack when he thought she was missing. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

\---- --- ----

Pepper was sitting in the couch in her office, her clammy and shaky hands resting on her thighs as she tried to make it to the end of the interview in one piece, all while mustering a kind, professional smile. It was for Vanity Fair, the one that was initially scheduled on Valentine’s day and seeing as it was already postponed before, she thought it would be unprofessional if she reschedule once more all because she was suddenly feeling unwell. They were nearing the end of the interview anyway and she thought that she could power through until the end, never mind the fact that she was starting to feel the nausea once more.

Vanity Fair was doing a spread for them and the March cover story was tentatively running as _“Tony Stark & Pepper Potts, Manhattan’s Corporate Monarch.”_ Initially the magazine wanted to interview them together but since Pepper ran on a very tight schedule, they had already interviewed Tony ahead of her, a little over a week ago. Tony, Pepper had learned, had allowed the magazine to include in their spread the story of how they had known each other for over two decades now and how they both used to work for the company until he got married shortly after she moved to Los Angeles. He glossed over the topic of his divorce but he did allow mention of his parent’s car crash and his problematic past which ultimately led to their breakup. _“My past is an open book, Pepper,”_ she was sure he would have told her. Apparently, he also dubbed her return to New York as a renaissance, both of the company and of their relationship. Surprisingly and thankfully, there was no mention of her previous engagement to Aldrich Killian and she was pretty sure that Tony had vetoed it.

They were nearing the end of the interview, and she was really hoping to get this over and done with because she was starting to feel the nausea more strongly. But ever the consummate professional, she pressed on, fighting the urge to simply lie down and close her eyes while she waited for the dizziness to subside.

“When I interviewed Mr. Stark for this article, he said family is very important to you,” the reporter smiled at her and Pepper tried to take a deep breath while she offered the other woman a smile in return. “It’s actually one of the many things he loves about you. In fact, he fondly told us that he’s so lucky to have you and one of the reasons why is because you love his son as if the boy’s your own.”

“He said that?” she asked, and for a while there, that instantly made her feel better.

The woman happily nodded at her before glancing at her notes as if to verify her next question. “So what about the two of you? Rumor has it that you’re already secretly engaged, does this mean that we should be expecting a new Stark baby soon? When will you two start a family?”

“We’re not engaged. That’s…” she stammered, hoping that the reporter had not noticed the panic briefly crossing her eyes. “That’s a very personal question.”

“It’s okay, Ms. Potts, we can skip it. Mr. Stark answered for you anyway.” The woman looked down to check her notes from Tony’s interview and Pepper couldn’t help but feel surprised at what the woman was reading. “According to him, _‘We already are a family, but if you’re asking about a Potts-Stark baby, it’s probably a long way off. We’ve talked about it, but Pepper’s still busy with the company, that’s her true baby by the way, and I’m nowhere near ready to be changing diapers again soon anyway. For now we’re happy just being together, enjoying each other. We have fifteen years to make up for after all.’_ That’s what he told us, is it correct?”

She was wondering what changed, because Tony’s interview was just a little over a week ago and yet he had been begging her for a new baby ever since. He seemed serious when he told her that he wanted a new baby regardless of timing and she never really doubted him, but why would he tell the world otherwise? There’s no point in lying unless…unless this was how he truly felt about the idea of having a child of their own…

_Is that why he keeps asking me if I’m pregnant? Because he’s actually worried that I might be?_

Pepper felt her heart sank and she couldn’t help but feel that this was just like fifteen years ago all over again. What did he say?

_He was nowhere near ready._

“Well, you have your answer…” she forced a smile, and she could feel the muscle on her face twitched a bit as she also tried to muster enough strength to keep her eyes from welling up.

“Thank you for your time, Ms. Potts. You and Mr. Stark seem to be very happy together, this time.” The interviewer smiled at her kindly and stood up but Pepper didn’t trust her legs enough to support her so she chose to remain seated instead, hoping that the other woman would excuse this faux pas. “We’ll send a final draft of the cover and the interview for your and Mr. Stark’s final approval by the end of the week.”

She nodded, watching the reporter go. When she was fairly certain that she was finally alone, she gripped the edge of the couch to pull herself up intending to walk in the direction of her powder room. She could feel the nausea and the dizziness and the tears coming but before she could even reach the door, she felt lightheaded before finally fainting, with a distraught “Pepper!” as the last thing she remembered hearing.

\---- --- ----

“Hey, Mrs. Arbogast. Is Dad in?” Peter greeted as he strode to the 78th floor of the Stark Industries Tower. “I got off from school early, I thought I’d drop by.”

“He didn’t come in today but Ms. Potts is inside,” Bambi greeted, ushering him towards Pepper’s office instead. “She just finished an interview, would you like to come in?”

“Sure, I’ll just say hello then I’ll head to R&D.”

“Ms. Potts?” Bambi knocked once then slowly turned the knob only to find Pepper slowly and unsteadily walking in the direction of the powder room. Peter followed suit, and realizing something was wrong, he rushed to her just in time to catch her before she fell to the floor.

“Pepper!” Peter called out urgently, shortly realizing that she had passed out. He felt for her weak pulse and he noted the pallor, but he tried not to panic once he noted that she was breathing. “Bambi, get emergency help. Then call my Dad!”

\---- --- ----

“Come on, Dad, pick up the phone…”

Peter had been anxiously pacing outside the private suite of the hospital’s Maria Stark wing, phone clutched to his ear as he tried to reach his father for maybe the fifth time (he was unsure, really, actually he lost track) since they arrived at the hospital. Knowing his father, the man probably left his phone unnoticed as he got absorbed working on a project or two. He was just about to leave another voicemail when the suite’s door opened and Pepper’s attending physician stepped out.

“Is she going to be okay?” Peter asked worriedly, stashing the phone in his pocket and just really hoping that his father would listen to his voicemails soon enough.

“I’m sorry, kid, but how old are you?” the doctor asked him kindly and Peter realized that his father’s decision to keep him away from the press for years was not helping his case right now. This would be one of those situations when pulling out the Stark card would be really, really helpful. “Are you a relative?”

“I’m fourteen but she’s my…” Peter paused thoughtfully, furrowing his brows as he tried to find the right words. “She’s my mother…stepmother…almost.” He knew how confusing he must have sounded so he changed gears instead. “I’m Peter Stark. Tony Stark’s my father, he’s on his way.”

Ah yes, the good old Stark name doing its work. Peter could almost see the exact moment when a look of recognition passed over the doctor’s eyes. He did realize that some days, it really paid to have that last name.

“Ms. Potts is going to be fine. Her blood pressure was a bit low and so was her pulse but she’s stable now,” the doctor kindly assured him. “That then couple it with low blood sugar, stress, and dehydration and she’d really have syncope. It could be because she might not be eating properly lately, is she unable to keep anything down in the last few days?”

“I’m not sure…” Peter frowned, trying to recall their stay in Malibu. “I remember Dad mentioned she’s been quite unwell lately, she’s had episodes of nausea and vomiting.”

“I see. We’ll just have to correct her blood sugar, hydrate her some more, and she’ll be fine.” The doctor glanced at his notes as if to verify something before looking back at Peter. “You don’t have to worry. She’ll be fine, and so is the baby.”

“The baby?” He heard it right, didn’t he?

“Yes, she’s expecting, didn’t you know?” At Peter’s lack of response, the doctor pressed on clearly wanting to reassure him. “The baby’s heartbeat is normal and there’s no sign of any hemorrhage on scan. Everything’s looking okay.”

“That’s great. Thank you…” Peter muttered, wondering if his Dad knew. Based on their conversation earlier that day on the way to school, it seemed like Pepper was yet to tell his Dad. “Can I see her now?”

“She’s still asleep, but you can sit with her. She should be awake soon.”

Peter nodded, muttering another “Thanks,” as he stepped inside the suite, taking the seat beside the bed. He gazed at Pepper and somehow, he couldn’t help but smile at the thought – _I’m going to have a baby sibling after all._

\---- --- ----

Pepper woke up to the glaring immaculate whiteness and the strong smell of disinfectant in the room. She almost panicked for a moment there, with her hand falling automatically over her lower abdomen as that strong sense of déjà vu permeated the air. It reminded her of how she woke up disoriented in a hospital in L.A. fifteen years ago, only to find out that she had lost the baby…Andros…her little boy. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, desperately trying to steer clear of unwanted memories which were trying to resurface if only to reopen old wounds.

 _Not this time,_ Pepper thought. _I’m not losing the baby, not this time._

“You’re awake…”

She opened her eyes, finally noticing Peter sitting in an armchair beside the bed. The kid was smiling at her, and looking past the fact that they were actually obviously in a hospital, she thought she had never seen the boy this happy.

“What happened?” she asked, voice breaking from lack of use.

“You fainted in your office. It’s lucky that I was there and I caught you.” Peter stood up to retrieve a bottle of water from the minifridge sitting in the corner. He twisted the cap open then placed a bendy straw in it before handing it to her. “The doctor said you’re probably dehydrated and hypoglycemic because of the nausea and the vomiting, and then there’s the stress, emotionally, physically…It’s no wonder you fainted. But they told me you’ll be okay…the baby’s fine, too.”

“Peter…” she treaded cautiously, trying to gauge the boy’s reaction and to see if he had told his father already.

“I’m so happy for you and Dad,” the boy smiled at her appreciatively as he went back to sit in the armchair, surprising her when he reached out to take her hand in his, rubbing her knuckles gently. “I really am.”

“You’re happy?”

“Very. I’ve always wanted a sibling. God, I can’t wait to teach that baby a lot of things, Dad will never know what hit him.” Peter chuckled, letting go of her hand to take the bottle from her once she finished. He was still eyeing her thoughtfully, though. “Does Dad already know?”

She shook her head, opting to fix her gaze at the ceiling instead just so she could avoid the boy’s gaze. She silently thanked the kid, for allowing her to tell Tony herself and for buying her some time, time she so desperately needed to be certain of a lot of things.

“It’s still too early, I don’t want Tony to get his hopes up just in case something goes wrong.” She turned to look back at him and she couldn’t help but agree that Tony really did raise a good one all on his own. “You promise you won’t say anything for now?”

“Yes, but Dad will be over the moon once you tell him. I’m sure of it.”

A soft knock on the door interrupted them, and Tony slowly stepped inside the room carrying a bouquet of pink peonies. She offered him a small smile, not liking the fact that he looked like anxiety and worry and guilt all rolled into one.

“I’ll talk to the doctors and the staff so they don’t accidentally spoil your news to Dad,” Peter whispered to her when he leaned forward to give her a kiss on the cheek.

She watched the boy go, only pausing halfway to give his father a hug. She couldn’t help but hear Tony whisper, “Thank you, kid…” before Peter finally stepped out of the room, promising to be back with coffee for his father and macarons for her.

“Honey, how are you?” Tony asked, leaning forward to kiss her lightly on the lips before sitting on the side of the bed, facing her. “I’m so worried.”

“I’m fine now,” she murmured letting him take her hands in his so that he could kiss her knuckles reverently. “Tony, what’s wrong?”

“I’m really sorry, Pep…” He sighed deeply, the guilt very much evident in his eyes. “I’m very sorry because I missed the calls from the hospital, again, just like I did fifteen years ago. I was working and I forgot about my phone until I saw at least a dozen voicemails from Peter and Bambi and… If something happened to you again, I will never be able to forgive myself.”

“Tony…nothing happened. It’s okay.”

“But what if something _did_ happen? Apparently, I never learned anything in the last fifteen years.” He reached out to give her the peonies he had brought with him and she did notice that he looked so lost and worried. “I wanted to rush to your side but Peter said you’re okay and that you’re still asleep, so I thought I’d bring you I-am-sorry peonies instead.”

“Thank you… You’re forgiven, even if you don’t need to be.” She took the flowers from him, inhaling them appreciatively before placing them gently on the side table. “Can we go home now? I can’t stay here, it’s a Monday and I have a lot of things on schedule for the week and—”

“No,” he gently cut her off. “I’ll see if we can go home tonight but you’re not going to be working. Let me take the company off your hands for a few days.”

Truth be told, she really could use some time to rest and to think – about the new baby, about them. She eyed him incredulously and he must have noticed because he smirked at her, and she was just glad to see that patented Stark smugness once more sans the guilt and the worry.

“What?” he asked trying to sound offended. “I still remember how to be a CEO. I will survive Pep, the company will survive for a few days.”

“Okay…but just for a few days.”

He merely shook his head at her and she knew that if he could have his way, she wouldn’t be seen at the office for a week at least, and who knew for how much longer if she told him about the baby. Tony had a tendency to overdo things and once he realized what brought on this hospitalization, he might just push to make himself CEO, just because. The thought was hilarious but scarily plausible, too, that had it not been for the serious repercussions of her current situation, she would have found the idea sweet and thoughtful. But sweet and thoughtful could not be on the table right now, having this baby’s just…complicated.

“Pep, Honey. Are you okay?”

“I’m sorry. You were saying?”

“It’s not important…” he watched her seriously, clearly wondering where her mind had gone off to. “Pep, what’s going on? Why are we here in the hospital? Because you’re not telling me something and I’m sick of being the only one that you’re not talking to.”

“Tony, you’re not…I’m not, _not_ talking to you.”

“Have you seen my son?” Tony asked, gesturing towards the door, in the general direction that Peter had disappeared to earlier. “I haven’t seen him _this_ happy and unless it’s some bad case of inappropriate affect, I’m starting to think that…I’m starting to think that he knows something that _I_ should know about…”

She knew he was giving her the chance, the chance to tell him. Or maybe, just maybe, he was just trying to catch her on it, trying to see if she would let something slip or if she would give anything away. She wanted to tell him, and no, this wasn’t like fifteen years ago when she decided to keep Tony in the dark. She would tell him but she needed time, at least until the results came back and then she would know for sure…

“You took a test. I saw the empty box in your purse but not the test,” he went on when he probably realized that she wouldn’t budge. “That’s why I was calling you earlier today. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to worry over something until I’m sure of it.”

“So…” he trailed off, and she knew he was trying to sound neutral but the way those dark brown eyes gazed at her was anything but. He was gazing at her hopefully, asking her for that happy news that she knew his heart so desired. “What’s the result?”

God, she needed time. Just a week, or a few more days until she could be certain and she could finally tell him…

“I’m not pregnant…” she bit her lip, trying to avoid his eyes because she knew he would catch her on her lie, because somehow he always did.

“You’re not?”

She wanted to avoid his gaze, but when she did steal a quick glance at him, Tony just looked somewhat disappointed and baffled and…was that relief? She couldn’t help but notice the way his shoulders sagged and the sigh that he himself probably didn’t realize he was holding, and deep in her heart she knew that was indeed relief. Suddenly, her mind brought her back to that Vanity Fair interview from earlier that afternoon and she realized, quite bitterly, that maybe he was telling the truth during his own interview after all.

_“…It’s probably a long way off. We’ve talked about it, but Pepper’s still busy with the company … and I’m nowhere near ready...”_

_What changed, Tony? What made you change your mind?_

“You must have been very relieved…” she whispered almost inaudibly, trying to keep the hurt and the uncertainty from her voice. Unknowingly, he was starting to make her feel exactly the same way she did fifteen years ago, when he told her that he might just lose it if she told him she was having his baby. Still, she asked, because she had to know.

“Yes…” he admitted but he then shook his head, clearly confused. “Actually, no. I’m…disappointed, because I really want this baby. I’ve been _dreaming_ about this kid lately. But don’t hate me because…I’m also relieved.” He looked at her and she could see that he was trying to make sense of his feelings as much as he was also trying to explain it to her. “Pep, I’m only relieved because it’s less complicated this way. This way, we won’t have any doubts.”

_On who the father of my baby is…_

If Pepper had a wicked sense of humor, she would have laughed hysterically right there and then until Tony would have to be convinced that she had gone crazy. Had this been fifteen years ago, she would have done the same thing again, the whole shebang – break up with him, run away once more, hide the baby from him, never come back. Tony’s words hurt, they really did, a lot, but somehow she knew she couldn’t blame him. Not this time.

“I couldn’t hate you just for thinking that way. I actually understand…” She tried to muster a smile for him, just so she could somehow reassure him. “But I want you to know that there was a part of me that really wanted it to be positive…and to be yours.”

She meant everything that she said, but perhaps she meant that last part the most, if only meaning those words wholeheartedly would make them actually true.

_I really want this baby to be yours…_

“Pep, then I guess for future reference, I want you to know that I’d like to know, even if you’re not sure yet.” He raised a hand to cup her cheek, gently wiping at the single tear that betrayed her composure. “I’d like to be there every step of the way, right from the very moment that you find out. I don’t want to miss out on anything anymore, not this time.”

He moved in to pull her close, wrapping his arms around her so he could hug her, close to his chest and closer to his heart. She leaned in, tucking her head to the crook of his neck and breathing him in, clinging onto him as if her life depended on it, because she was drowning and confused and scared…scared that he would not, could not love the baby as his own if it turned out that it wasn’t his.

“Are you okay?” he whispered, slightly dipping his head so he could kiss her lightly over her brow. He went on when he felt her quietly nodding, his tone a bit lighter, more teasing. “You know, I’ll still beg you that we keep trying, soon, once you’re feeling better. I'm not letting you off the hook just like that.”

She wanted to confront him about his interview right there and then but instead, she gently pulled away from him, resting her head against the pillows once more. She closed her eyes tiredly and before the thought that this baby was making her feel more exhausted than usual could even cross her mind, she drifted off to sleep, feeling Tony’s hand gripped hers, squeezing it gently, reassuringly.

Somehow she knew she would be okay, _they_ would all be okay.

\---- --- ----

Pepper was finally cleared to go home by Tuesday morning and the way that Tony seemed to have no other intent than to make her rest was actually fine, welcome even, at least during that same night and the one after that. But by the time Thursday morning rolled in, she was perfectly recovered and bored, not to mention that she needed something to do, anything that would preoccupy her mind other than thinking about this baby. Tony, quite predictably, was not hearing any of it.

“Pep, I got everything under control. SI’s not on fire, and the Board does not want to set _me_ on fire. It’s a win-win, actually. Everything’s fine, Honey.”

She managed to make it perfectly clear that she was not having any of it, and she even got to roll her eyes at him before he quite literally ushered her back to their bedroom, insisting that she should sleep some more and make the most of this _vacation_ before he could _allow_ her to go back to work by Monday. She protested but Tony had insisted that it was almost the weekend anyway and that he would personally drive her to the office on Monday. Pepper, on the other hand, knew a lost cause when she saw one, and so she begrudgingly agreed to actually rest some more, not waking from her nap until later that afternoon, until Peter dropped by to see her.

“Hey...” she saw Peter hesitated at the doorway after knocking gently, carefully balancing on one hand what appeared to be a salad and a glass of juice. “Can I come in?”

“Of course,” she motioned for him to sit on the bed, just in front of her as he laid out what would be her late lunch.

“Dad reminded me to bring you these once you wake up. You missed out on lunch, it’s almost two.”

“Where is he?” she asked, forking a cherry tomato as she glanced at the boy. “Aren’t you supposed to be at SI?”

Peter merely shrugged his shoulders, “I decided to go home after school, thought you could use some company. I’m pretty sure Dad is boring you already.” He grinned widely, clearly amused at the thought of his father. “He’s at the office, board meeting. Can you believe he’s actually there?”

“He’s more than capable, Peter,” she chimed in good-naturedly when the boy chuckled at the idea of his father presiding over a board meeting. “It’s just that he would much rather have other people, other people like me, do the job that’s actually his birthright. Being a CEO is too mundane for him and he’s happier at R&D anyway, not to mention that it benefits the company more that way.”

Peter nodded thoughtfully, seemingly taking that bit of information more seriously than necessary. He watched her eat for a while before suddenly perking up when he remembered something.

“I got you flowers, by the way,” he sheepishly told her and she couldn’t help but smile as the kid adorably blushed. “I would have brought them with me, but my hands are full so I left them in the kitchen. They’re peonies, too.”

“Thank you, Peter. That’s really sweet.”

“I’m just really happy for you and Dad,” the kid eyed her knowingly. “How are you?”

“Pregnant,” she said so matter-of-factly but she couldn’t help but sigh as soon as she said the word out loud. “Apparently, saying it out loud makes it sound more real.”

“Don’t you want this baby?”

Peter was looking at her worriedly, big brown eyes so identical to Tony’s that it reminded her just exactly the way he looked at her that night in Malibu, when she knew that he thought she had given up on the idea of having a child of their own after L.A.. There was a time in her life when she resigned herself to the fact that those eyes would one day be the death of her and, right now, adding Peter to that equation was not helping in her case at all.

“I do, Peter, so much.”

_You have no idea how much I want this baby... after losing your brother…_

“Then what’s wrong? Why haven’t you told Dad?” He looked so worried it almost broke her heart. “Is it because you haven’t forgiven Dad? For everything?”

She knew that part of his question, the part which Peter chose to leave unsaid, was for fifteen years ago, and she began to wonder just how really she could reassure the boy. There was no doubt about it, there never really was, that she loved this kid almost as if he was her own, in spite of and despite everything that went down fifteen years ago.

“I’ve forgiven your Dad,” she told him, reaching out so he would sit beside her as she leaned her back against the headboard. Peter rested his head on her shoulder and almost instinctively, she ran her fingers through the boy’s hair, trying to reassure him. “I’ve forgiven him for everything, even for Cornwall. I just wanted to make sure that everything is okay before I tell him about the baby.”

“But the doctors already said that everything’s okay.”

“I’m still waiting…for something. I wish I could tell you but—”

“Try me,” he cut in, quite impatiently actually that he almost sounded like Tony. “Contrary to what Dad likes to believe, I’m not a baby anymore. You said so yourself. Besides, nobody else knows about the baby, so who else would you have a loaded conversation about it with?” He lifted his head to smile back at her, as if telling her that it would be okay, she could tell him anything because he had always been rooting for her and Tony, ever since day one.

“I really shouldn’t be telling you this,” she hesitated for a moment, thinking that maybe Tony would probably get mad at her for telling Peter about it. “And you might hate me for this, but I had a paternity test done… I was waiting for the result before I tell your Dad anything.”

“Why?”

“I was still engaged to Aldrich when—”

“No, I mean, _why?_ You really don’t think it’s Dad’s?”

The thought alone made Pepper want to just break down and cry, but somehow she reminded herself that she was the adult, the parent in this situation, and it was the parents’ duty to bear the crosses for their kids, not the other way around.

“Somehow, I knew…at the back of my mind, I know it’s Tony’s…” she trailed off, still distractedly running her fingers through the boy’s hair after Peter had decided to slump on the bed and snuggle closer to her, gazing up at her intently. “But I’ve only been with your Dad…recently, and the sheer law of probability alone makes me doubt…” She sighed deeply before proceeding, “We cannot afford any room for doubt, Peter, there shouldn’t be any.”

“The definition of probability is a likelihood, not a known fact,” Peter muttered softly and Pepper could only marvel at how insightful this kid could really be. That, and what he said only reminded her that he really was Tony’s child after all, it was something his father would also say. It made her smile, even just for a short while. “If you _know_ that it’s Dad’s, why do you have to get a test done? Or why wait for it? He’ll be happy anyway.”

“Because I want to be fair to Tony, just in case. And I want us to have peace…”

He eyed her contemplatively and she swore she could almost see the gears turning inside his head as he furrowed his brows and gave the matter some thought.

“When you said you want to be fair…” he slowly muttered, the realization dawning on him. “You mean you’re giving Dad the option to walk away? If… If it turned out that—”

“Yes.”

“But Dad loves you!”

_But love isn’t always enough, Peter, I wish I could tell you that it is but it’s not._

“We’re finally in a good place,” she told him, regret so much evident in her voice. “I cannot be this close to having everything I’ve always wanted only for it to be yanked away just like that. But if it turns out that… I’d have to tell Tony.” She glanced at the boy who was still staring at her worriedly and she only wished that she could comfort him. “The truth is, I can pretend it’s not a factor, but to your father, I’m sure it will be.”

“Does it…” he was eyeing her pensively, worriedly, and she knew he was asking this question not only for her but also for him. “Does it matter to you that I’m another woman’s child?”

In theory, it should, she honestly thought that it would. When she decided to move back to New York, she knew she would eventually run into Tony’s kid and she was almost fairly certain at the time that seeing the boy would be really difficult for her. She thought that if the fact that this was the child born out of Tony’s infidelity wasn’t enough to hurt her, that this child was living and breathing when Andros was not would surely cause her the same pain, if not greater. And she prepared for that day, she really did. But seeing Peter and just how much Tony loved the kid made everything easier. She loved Tony, so much that she never thought otherwise, never felt otherwise for his son. Already, Peter was her kid since day one.

“I thought it would but it didn’t. It never did,” she admitted quietly. “Somehow, you’ve always been mine, too, you know?”

“Then you just have to ask Dad,” he smiled at her, as if everything was as simple as he described. “If it didn’t matter to you, it wouldn’t to him.”

“What if I lose everything?” she whispered, belatedly realizing that she had said the words out loud.

“You won’t. Dad loves you, we both do,” Peter assured her, smiling back at her before closing his eyes and crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Just tell Dad already, that baby’s my sibling anyway. I’m sure of it.”

Pepper sat there deep in thought as she absent-mindedly ran her fingers through Peter’s hair; the kid already asleep beside her. She had not realized for how long she had been sitting there until her phone buzzed, it was Tony letting her know he was home already.

> _Hey, Pep. Are you awake yet? If you’re up for it, can you join me downstairs while I try to cook us dinner? I just really missed you today._

She took a deep breath, quickly glancing at the sleeping kid one last time before heading downstairs to meet Tony. The boy’s right, she could at least ask.

\---- --- ----

“Hey, Honey. Feeling better?”

“Well rested,” Pepper greeted him with what was supposedly a kiss on the cheek only for him to turn at the last second so he could catch her lips instead. He grinned at her when she narrowed her eyes at him, before taking a seat by the kitchen counter and admiring the vase of peonies sitting nearby.

“I don’t think I ever sent you yellow peonies.” Tony mused as he stirred the Bolognese sauce, a some sort of homage to the dinner they first had together when she finally returned to New York. “It’s always the pink ones.”

“They aren’t from you.”

“Is there any competition I should know about?” he asked when she gave him a quite unreadable smile. He trusted Pepper, he knew she was just keeping him on his toes, intentionally or otherwise. Besides she loved him, she chose him. Her words, not his.

“Well, your son’s really thoughtful.”

“Those are from Pete?”

“One and the same.”

“Then those boyfriend points are transferrable to me,” he beamed at her, rather proudly actually. He really must have done something right in rearing Peter after all. “I raised him to be sweet and thoughtful, so it’s an indirect credit to me. Where is he by the way?”

“He’s in our room, asleep.” She went on to explain when he raised his brows at her questioningly. “He brought my lunch upstairs and then we got to talking. The next thing I know, he’s sleeping like a baby.”

“I miss those days, you know?” he thought pensively, stirring the sauce mindlessly as he recalled some memories from when Peter was growing up. “I miss those days when he was still three or four and he’d go to sleep in my room when there’s a storm. The thunder scared him as a baby, and now he’s fourteen, turning fifteen in less than six months. I can’t remember the last time I actually tucked him into bed. He’s growing up so fast.”

“And he’s turning out so well,” she finished for him, and somehow he couldn’t help but wonder, what if?

What if he and Pepper figured things out earlier, say, after his divorce? What if he had the chance to raise Peter with her and the boy would have grown up calling her ‘Mom’ instead? What if he could have another shot at this whole parenthood thing, only this time Pepper will be around and Peter could be the doting older brother to this new baby that he kept dreaming of? What if that last thought was actually happening, sooner than expected, say in eight to nine months?

“What were you two talking about?” he asked, momentarily pulling himself back to the conversation and choosing to once again let go of that image that seemed to take over both his dreams and waking hours, the image of a little brown haired baby with the very familiar big brown eyes… his little girl, his Morgan.

She hesitated for a moment and somehow he couldn’t help but feel that there was more to that conversation than Pepper was letting him in on.

_What does Peter know that I don’t?_

“He asked me if it mattered to me that he’s another woman’s child.”

Her answer came out of nowhere, and to tell the truth, it was neither the first nor the tenth thing he would have thought the two were talking about. He himself had never really given the idea much thought, frankly he was just relieved that Pepper, the love of his life, was treating his son as her own right from the very start. He initially thought that it would be difficult for her, that was why he procrastinated in introducing the two in the first few weeks since she came back, and the one time that he did worry that seeing the boy must have been really difficult for her was after he found out about Los Angeles and Andros. He knew Pepper liked the kid, _loved_ the kid, but he never really asked her how she felt…about everything.

_Clearly, fifteen years later and I’m still not paying enough attention to what she needs and how she feels…_

“Does it matter, Pep? To you?” he asked somewhat guiltily. It was something that he should have asked her months before, especially after he found out about what happened in L.A., but still better late than never.

“It should, I thought it would…” She caught his gaze and he knew that those blue eyes were trying to tell him something else, something so much more. “I thought that when I do finally meet him, there would be nothing but pain and hurting and heartbreak. After all, the boy’s a constant reminder of everything that I lost – you, Andros, our future. But just seeing how much you love Peter, I realized right there and then that I’m going to love your son just as much as I love you.”

“You really love my kid…” he whispered, choking as he dragged the words out. “In spite of everything.”

“I really do…”

“And I couldn’t thank you enough. Pep, I love you, I’m lucky…”

He walked towards to where she was sitting, wanting her, missing her. He slid his arms around her, leaning in so he could kiss her, languidly and gratefully and deeply, only pulling away when he knew that she needed to finally come up for air. He held her close, letting her rest her head against the crook of his neck, just trying to get lost in the moment.

“Would it matter to you if say, the situation was reversed?” she whispered, and this close he could feel her pulse quickened and her body kept still in his embrace.

_Pep, where are you going with this?_

“I don’t know, you’re not really the one who had an affair, that was me…” he muttered distractedly, dipping his head a bit just so he could breathe her in and feel grounded. “I never had to worry about it with you so I really haven’t thought about it. But I’d like to believe that when it comes to you, my heart will always be in the right place. So, hypothetically, it shouldn’t matter to me. You’re all I care about.”

She pulled away and he felt those blue eyes scrutinizing him, as if trying to figure out if he meant everything he just said, making him wonder if he had said something right after all. He could almost hear her thoughts, all the questions that she wanted to but dared not ask.

 _I am very much for real, Pep…_ was what he would’ve answered, should she had asked.

“Tony?” she pulled him out of his reverie and she was nodding in the direction of the kitchen stove, the Bolognese sauce completely forgotten, unstirred and unattended, in the background.

“Oh shit!” He reluctantly let go of her, moving instead to check on the sauce and frowning at the burnt taste he sampled. “I think I just burned our dinner, Honey. I can try to salvage it or we can just order in. What do you—”

“Just stay here…” she told him, standing up from the stool where she had been sitting, with something akin to both urgency and resolve in her eyes. She was looking at him, and it was the same look she gave him one morning, just a few days ago, when he told her about his dream…about Morgan. “Tony, don’t go anywhere.”

\---- --- ----

“Pep, what’s wrong?”

She honestly didn’t know what she was doing. One moment she was sitting by the kitchen counter and watching him cook their dinner and the next thing she knew, she was rushing upstairs only to come back in the kitchen with her black quilted purse clutched tightly in her hand. She knew this was probably one of the most unwise decisions she would ever make, but she had tried to keep a baby from him before and it didn’t work, it only ended badly. She knew she should be waiting, just for a few days until she could be a hundred percent sure, but…

So what if she jumped the gun by a few days? If Peter was right about his father and if she was indeed sure it was Tony’s and if Tony truly wanted a new baby regardless of what he said in his interview, what could be the harm in telling him ahead of the results? What would change? Nothing, right?

_Nothing, maybe things will even be better. Except there were too many ‘ifs,’ too many variables in that sentence…_

“Tony…” she began, trying to hide the quiver in her voice and gripping the kitchen counter for support.

“Pep, what is it? You’re scaring me, do you know that?”

“Tony…” With shaky hands, she managed to open her purse and pull out a white pregnancy test stick which she laid out on the kitchen counter. Her lips were quivering but she dragged the words out. “I have no idea what I’m doing and all I want to do is just sit on our kitchen counter while you burn our dinner and ask you…ask you if you will be happy about this baby…”

She watched as he stared at the test, not a single word escaping his lips until he quickly crossed the short distance between them, pulling her into his arms and hugging her close.

“You’re pregnant?” he kissed her temple as she slid her arms around his waist, tucking her head against the base of his neck. “I mean, I know you are. Somehow, I’ve always known. I was just waiting for you to tell me.”

“You’re glad?”

“More than. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“But you said in your interview…” She couldn’t even bear to finish the thought, she could still remember how upsetting it was to hear that Tony wasn’t ready, just like fifteen years ago.

“Hey…” he pulled away just so he could gaze at her as he cupped her face while his thumbs wiped at the tears that had betrayed what little composure she had left. “You know that fifteen years ago the last thing on my mind was being a father, but then Peter was born and I fell in love with him. It’s going to be the same this time, if not better, and I’m going to love this baby with everything that I’ve got. I only said those things in the interview because the press will hound you if I let them know that I’ve been begging, _begging_ you for a new baby.”

She was crying and crying, and if there was anything that the last fifteen, twenty years had shown, it was that Pepper was tough and that she could be her own person when it came to that. But all so suddenly, the weight of everything that happened just came crashing down on her – Tony’s infidelity, the accident, losing the baby, his anger when he found out about L.A., and now this… The supposedly small chance of doubt turned more significant just because of probability alone…

“Pep, I told you a new baby will be wonderful…Why did you hesitate to tell me?”

She could tell him now, she could come clean, but she could also lose everything. She was so sure the baby was Tony’s…and yet somehow, lately, as she waited for the result, she began to have doubts.

“Tony, I didn’t want to worry you over something until I was sure of it…”

“Sure of what?”

“I…” she trailed off, deciding right there and then that she would only tell him about the pending paternity result if the baby turned out not to be his. “I thought when I told you I’m not pregnant you were relieved. You said it was better that way and you didn’t want complications and doubts and—”

“But I also told you that I was disappointed,” he cut in, not wanting to hear anything more. “Pep, you said you were careful…with him, back then…and I didn’t have to worry. I believe you.”

“Tony, I wouldn’t take it against you if you want to wait for a paternity test.”

“I believe you, Pep,” he smiled at her while his hands found her hips so he could pull her closer to him. He caught her lips, muttering in between deep and unhurried kisses, “I believe you.”

Slowly, he backed her against the counter and what used to be chaste but deep kisses became hungry and possessive. She kissed him back although the kisses he took from her left her mind spinning. She tipped her head back in an attempt to come up for air, which he took as an opportunity to press light kisses against her throat before he spun her around, albeit gently and carefully. Her palms resting flat on the countertop, while her back pressed against his chest.

His teeth nipped into her shoulder on that little exposed skin that her oversized sweater allowed, while she felt his hands, rough palms against her smooth skin, circled her waist from behind until finding their way to her lower abdomen, just where a baby bump would have been had she been further along. He then buried his face in her neck, murmuring quietly, “I want more, Pep. Tell me you want more.”

She wanted him, but she also couldn’t help but roll her eyes at how greedy he truly was, never mind the fact that he couldn’t actually see her doing it.

“If you bend me over this kitchen counter, I will end your life.”

That earned her a chuckle from Tony and when he spun her around again, he kissed her lightly before smirking at her, eyes full of mischief. She tried to give him that which he dubbed as her Pepper-is-so-done-with-Tony look, and she knew it didn’t contribute to anything.

“What?” he asked feigning innocence. “It’s not like I can help it. Emotions were running high, you just told me you’re pregnant, and I want you, Honey. Always have, always will.”

“We’re in the kitchen, Tony.”

“But I don’t have a choice! I can’t take you to bed, my son is sleeping in our room.”

She narrowed her eyes at him and she merely shook her head. She knew the message was heard, loud and clear – _“you’re incorrigible, Tony,”_ – but he kissed her again, softly this time.

“Thank you, Pep. I’m just really happy,” he smiled at her and the way he looked at her made her not want to have doubts, she owed him that. “Damn, Pep. I told you Morgan felt real.”

“Morgan?”

“The baby girl, in my dreams. I knew she felt real.” He sighed deeply, contently. “Honey, move in with me.”

“Tony…”

“You’re here almost every day and besides, you already moved in with me twenty years ago.” He furrowed his brows and it reminded her of Peter looking almost exactly the same when he did that, too. “So I guess the more correct way to say this is, move back in with me. It’s the same house, but a better us. And I need you around, I need _both_ of you around,” he added, glancing at her lower abdomen as he stroke it affectionately.

“Okay…”

“Okay?” he asked and she nodded. He smiled at her, pulling her and hugging her to him as he whispered into her ear, “Pep, I love you.”

\---- --- ----

“Hey, Hon?” Tony called out to Pepper, and he could still hear the sound of the shower from the other side of the bathroom door. “I’m going downstairs. Pete said our dinner just arrived, we’ll wait for you in the kitchen, okay?”

He padded downstairs and even he could notice a spring in his steps as he crossed the short distance from the family room to the kitchen. So sue him, but he was basically over the moon – he finally got the girl, he was making his peace with Andros, Peter was growing up so well, and there was a new baby on the way – the universe, finally, was agreeing with him.

“You’re very happy and we have food that’s enough for more than ten people. So I guess you know about the baby?” Peter smiled at him thoughtfully as the kid took a seat at the breakfast bar.

“ _You_ know about the baby?”

“I was the one who brought her to the hospital, that’s how I found out.” Peter raised his hands up in surrender when his father looked at him questioningly. “I didn’t tell you because Pepper wanted to tell you herself.”

“I will let the fact that you knew about Morgan before I did slide, just because I don’t want to spoil the evening.”

“Morgan?”

“Yeah, that’s what we’ll be calling your baby sister…” Tony furrowed his brows then after a moment, added thoughtfully. “Or baby brother. Morgan works either way.”

“Did Pepper agree to the name?”

“Not yet, but she will.”

Peter merely laughed and shook his head, clearly unconvinced that his father could just persuade Pepper about the baby’s name just like that. He was about to come up with his own baby name suggestions when Pepper’s phone started buzzing from inside her quilted purse.

“It’s Pepper’s phone, she left it earlier.” Tony reached out to check who could be calling her because he was pretty sure he left strict instructions at the office that Pepper was not to be disturbed, at least until Monday. He glanced at the unregistered number and he couldn’t help but get a little bit annoyed. “I already told them to direct all work calls to my phone, so what could this be?” he muttered, before clutching the phone to his ear.

“Good evening. We’re calling for Ms. Potts?”

“She’s indisposed. What is this about?”

“This is from the clinic of Dr. Greene. We would just like to inform her that her final lab results will be ready for personal pickup by tomorrow, Friday morning.”

It was probably the worry that something could be wrong, with her or with the baby, that drove Tony to fish out the separate planner from her purse, the one that Bambi had told him about. He leafed through the pages until he reached her schedule for the week and the slot for the past Monday’s lunch hour caught his eye – it was the day that he found out she had taken a test and the day that she had that personal appointment that no one knew about.

“I’m sorry, I must have missed it on her schedule. Was this from her appointment last Monday?”

“Yes, Sir. The DNA diagnostic center just forwarded her result to the clinic. She can pick up the result by tomorrow.”

So she did have a paternity test done after all. Tony tried not to think or to overthink…that much, but this piece of information almost took the air out of his lungs. He trusted Pepper, he really did, so when she told him that she was careful _before_ and that she was sure that the baby was his, he believed her. But if she went ahead anyway and had a paternity test done even prior to telling him about the baby, she must be having doubts, wasn’t she?

“Hello, Sir? Can you inform Ms. Potts?”

“Yes…” Tony answered distractedly. “Yes, I’ll tell her. Thank you.”

He stashed her planner and her phone back to her purse as he tried not to panic, not to overanalyze, and not to overthink. He gazed at Peter who was looking at him curiously but he feigned a smile, not wanting the boy to worry, even if he felt as if someone had just pulled the rug beneath his feet.

_Pep, you told me you were sure, that I didn’t need to worry… Pep, I believed you…_

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, even after numerous rewrites and rereads, still seemed haphazard to me. I'm sorry, it must be one of those days. 😔
> 
> I will update weekly (if I could) or every two weeks (more likely) as much as possible. It's just that a lot's going on and my calendar is full, but writing this story is keeping me sane, oddly enough. Also, sorry for the delays, but lately I've been trying to come up with a weekly update, but a chapter less than ~10K just doesn't seem right anymore, I don't know why.
> 
> Also, I appreciate the comments, because your thoughts allow me to escape and to feed the mind.
> 
> Thank you, for following this story and for keeping me sane and grounded. Here’s hoping you like this update just as much as the others. ❤
> 
> P.S. I happen to be very proud of next chapter's plot. I don't know why, let's just say that Tony's finally growing up.


	18. The Steps of The Met

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You've needed me to know what to do. To know how I'm feeling and to put it in the right words. You've needed me to grow up. So that's what's happening. I'm putting it in the right words. I'm growing up. We're not going to overthink this. We're doing this." —Duncan Macmillan, Lungs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I give you this ~15.8K+ offering (I hope the long chapters aren't making you weary and that it makes up for the very long intervals), because I cannot seem to write anything less since we hit Chapter 10.
> 
> I know I said Tony's finally growing up, but let's cut him some slack during the first few scenes (even if he definitely didn't deserve it). *facepalms*
> 
> Also, nothing explicit really but just putting a **WARNING** for a possessive, primitive-brained Tony sometime after the scene with Killian.
> 
> Spoilers at the End Notes, so don't go there just yet.

** Present day, February, Manhattan NY: **

“You have this many shoes?” Peter asked as he stared at the boxes that were stacked one on top of the other in their living room. “We could make a tower out of these.”

“There are actually more back in my apartment,” Pepper replied matter-of-factly, laughing as the boy’s eyes grew wider. “It’s my only vice. Plus, a girl can have so much shoes and it still won’t be enough. Anyway, have you been to your dad’s closet? He’s got his fair share.”

Tony just offered her a small smile, shrugging noncommittally at the remark. It was a glorious Saturday morning, too bright and too cheery in Tony’s opinion but he kept the thought to himself. The knowledge that Pepper actually went ahead to have a paternity test done in secret bothered him, and it bothered him that the thought was, well, bothering him. After everything that he had done to her and after everything that they had been through together, he knew he should be able to trust her, and he did. Still, the worry consumed him. Somehow, a considerable part of him couldn’t help but feel betrayed, confused, worried…cheated even.

_She must have had doubts, right? Because why else would she have a test done without telling me..._

He had been able to keep the thoughts at bay last Thursday night when he received the call from the clinic. He had managed to avoid giving Pepper any reason to suspect that he knew after he intentionally spent the whole Friday at the office, only going home before midnight once he was certain that Pepper was finally asleep. But Saturday had rolled in and Happy had driven over to her apartment to start getting some of her belongings, and now they’re in the living room sorting through the first few boxes. Right now, he knew he couldn’t put off talking to her for much longer.

“Is everything okay, Tony?” she was eyeing him worriedly, because of course, she knew him like the back of her hand. “You’re being uncharacteristically non-hyperverbal. It’s freaking me out.”

“It’s probably sinking in to Dad just now that soon there’ll be another kid in the house,” Peter chuckled, oblivious to Pepper intently studying Tony. “I’m going to teach Morgan so much, you’ll never know what hit you, Dad.”

“Go easy on your dad, we don’t want him going silver fox earlier than scheduled.” Pepper’s tone was light and teasing, but the way that she narrowed her eyes somewhat uncertainly at him was definitely not lost on Tony.

“I can pull off that look,” he muttered distractedly, his thoughts already totally elsewhere, somewhere along the lines that Pepper had had more than twenty four hours to tell him about the test. It was more than enough time in his opinion, and yet it seemed that she had no plans to admit it anytime soon.

“So you guys are really naming the baby Morgan?” Peter went on, wondering out loud. “Well, it’s a nice name. If it’s a girl, I’m calling her MoMo, and if it’s a boy, well I’ll come up with something. How about second names? Edward if it’s a boy? After you, Dad?”

Tony caught Pepper’s eyes at the exact moment that Andros, Andros Edward, crossed his mind. He always did feel guilty keeping _their_ first born a secret, but needs must. He was so sure Peter would never look at him again if the boy found out what really happened, why Pepper chose to move away and why he only knew about the baby fifteen years later. Peter would see him differently and he knew that it most certainly wouldn’t be a good look. He couldn’t afford that.

And yet...thinking about Andros brought up so many other things. He realized that when he found out about that baby, he knew, at his very core, that the baby was his. While he did say terrible things to Pepper about his long lost son’s paternity in the beginning, he never really meant any of those. He was just angry at the time but he never really doubted that Andros was his. Right now, however, he wondered why he was having doubts, despite the fact that Pepper had told him he didn’t need to worry.

_Because, unlike with Andros, there really is a chance that Morgan might not be mine... And Pepper secretly having a paternity test done just further fuels that doubt…_

“I don’t think Edward would be your dad’s first choice for a second name. Otherwise, he would have given that name to you,” Pepper told Peter, carefully steering the conversation away from their firstborn. “I’m sure we’ll come up with something different, right?”

“Of course.” Tony stood up from the couch to reach for his wallet that was sitting on the fireplace mantel, ultimately deciding that he needed to confront Pepper once and for all. He handed his black AmEx card to Peter who looked at it quizzically. “Coffee run, buddy?”

“Why? You have a $14,000 espresso machine sitting right there in the kitchen,” Peter protested, raising his eyebrows at him.

“Humor me, please?”

“Fine,” the kid whined, begrudgingly taking the card from him before looking at Pepper expectantly. “Pepper, you want anything? Any cravings?”

“I’m good, Peter. Thank you.” She then turned to Tony, eyes all steely, as soon as the boy had disappeared from the foyer. “So what is it that you wanted to talk about but you didn’t want Peter to hear?”

“Nothing,” he lied even if he very well knew that it was pointless to do so. Sometimes, he realized, having someone who knew you so well could be quite a pain in the ass. He picked up a random Manolo box and tried to look at her neutrally. “How do you want to go about sorting these?”

“By color. Just make a pile for the black ones and the blue ones, and so on and so forth.”

She stood up to retrieve a few more boxes from behind the couch before checking the shoes that were inside. He glanced at her, and when she did look back at him, it almost seemed like she believed him – that there was nothing to talk about. Almost.

“Okay, got it,” he muttered, trying to look preoccupied with the task at hand but he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He couldn’t help but notice that she was positively glowing and he hated the fact that he was just about to ruin her morning, among other things. “Pep, I know I haven’t been around much since…since you told me about this baby, but it was just a busy day at the office yesterday and I would’ve wanted to join you during your doctor’s appointment—”

“It’s okay, Tony. Don’t worry about it.”

She caught him staring and for a moment there, he felt guilty, cruel even. She probably thought his apparent noninvolvement was an indication that he was about to drop the ball again, just like he unknowingly did fifteen years ago. Well, apparently, fifteen years later and he was still somehow the same idiot that he was back then. But this was different, at least that was what his mind tried to reason. This was different because there was a very solid chance that this baby wasn’t his, as harsh as it might sound.

“Tony, what are you looking at?”

“I’m looking at you…” And in classic Tony Stark fashion, he just decided to go for it, headfirst. “Pep, how far along are you?”

“Seven, eight weeks.”

“Everything’s alright? Everything went well at the doctor yesterday?”

“Yes, everything’s okay.”

“All results are normal, so far?”

“Yes.”

“How about the paternity test?”

He saw the way that her back straightened a bit more than usual, her hands clutched the shoeboxes tighter than necessary, and her wide blue eyes stared at him in surprise as she remained still, unmoving. He locked eyes with her, not wanting to give her an escape or a reprieve as he tensed his jaw in an attempt to contain his anger. He did not want a repeat of Cornwall, he could barely live with what he did after all, and he had to consciously remind himself that this was Pepper, the love of his life, the woman that he couldn’t live without. He couldn’t afford to be rash, not when he was quite unsure just how many chances he really had left.

“Pep, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tony…”

“Don’t lie to me, stop lying to me…” he knew he sounded cold and he probably looked as if he was seething with restrained anger but he simply felt blindsided. “You got the result yesterday, didn’t you?”

“Is this why you stayed at the office until midnight? Why you’ve been monosyllabic the whole morning?”

She was beginning to tear up and he didn’t know if she knew that it was a surefire way to get to him – that when she cried, his whole world would just come crashing down. He couldn’t let her do that, not now.

“No, you do not get to turn this conversation around. Just answer me…” he muttered, trying to get the frustration and the anger out of his voice. He wanted to reach out to her, but he figured that the length of the coffee table separating them had a purpose after all. It was a safe distance, enough to ensure that he maintained a clear head. “Please? No more secrets.”

“I did, it’s in my purse upstairs…” she told him softly, placing the boxes on top of the table so that she could approach him but he took a step back…because he just couldn’t be near her right now. He knew he would lose this battle, he was certain he would just give in without knowing the truth once he was holding her in his arms and this was far too important that even he could not just let this go.

“Have you opened it?”

“I haven’t.”

“Pep, you never told me you’re not sure who the father is…”

The accusation was there in his voice before he even realized it and he regretted it almost instantly. But it was done, he had let slip the fact that he had doubts about her, about this baby and she heard him loud and clear. There was no way that he could take everything back now.

“And you decided to be passive aggressive about it?” She sounded hurt, of course she was hurt.

“You didn’t tell me you’re unsure!”

“Because…I somehow knew that the baby is yours. But I did tell you, about the probabilities, Tony! I did tell you in Malibu or have you forgotten?”

“But you said…” he trailed off, taking a few deep breaths because while he knew he was angry, he still loved her and that was what he kept reminding himself. “You told me I didn’t need to worry, and I believed you.”

He was almost begging her at this point, almost as if he was begging her to tell him that he, in fact, didn’t need to worry. But no matter what she decided to tell him, he knew he couldn’t believe it anymore. The fact alone that she went ahead to have a paternity test done in secret casted that doubt, and it messed with his head because he then started to wonder that maybe, the chances that this baby was really his was probably truly slim at best.

“You don’t need to worry, Tony.”

“How can you say that when you yourself don’t even have the courage to open the result?” The contempt was there and he didn’t know what to do anymore. It was as if some other version of him, that side of him who kidnapped his girlfriend until she told him everything he wanted to know, had taken control of his faculties with no other goal than to drive Pepper away. He was letting his anger rule over his heart and his head, and he knew that very rarely ended well. Still, he wouldn’t stop. Damn it, but he couldn’t stop. “If I didn’t need to worry, why did you even have a test done in the first place?”

“Because I want us to have peace,” she softly whispered, eyes downcast and clearly wanting to avoid his gaze. He had never seen her looking so vulnerable and he wanted to kiss her, to hold her, but his anger just wouldn’t let him. “I don’t want you to have any doubts, about us, about the future...”

He loved her, he truly did. But her reasons were not the soothing balm he so hoped they would be.

“But isn’t that exactly why you had a test done?” He could feel something crushed his heart as the realization dawned on him. “Was that the reason why you didn’t plan on telling me about the baby sooner? Because you were waiting for the result? Because there’s doubt.”

“Of course there is doubt, Tony. I’m _almost_ certain this baby’s yours but I needed to know for sure because I do not want to blindly lead you on.” She sounded so frustrated at him but he had to admit that she had every reason to be. His initial reaction about this baby had been very far from ecstatic, to tell the truth, and lackluster at best. She was looking at him, glaring at him. “So what happens now? Now that you know that there really is a chance that this baby’s… Are you abandoning me again? Just say it and I’ll save you the trouble. I’ll just leave.”

He was losing her, and he shook his head wondering how this conversation escalated so quickly. He could still turn this around, right? He had to, because he was fairly certain that she meant what she just said, that she would indeed leave.

“Pep…I didn’t say that.”

“Then why are you making it sound as if I did this on purpose? As if I cheated on you? Because I didn’t. We were not even together then, I was engaged to someone else!”

“So what, Pep, it hurt!” He couldn’t help it, the real reason why this was messing with his head just started to rear its ugly head. He didn’t want to acknowledge those reasons but they were all he could think about, and he was saying them faster than he could even rethink them. “I love you, but you told me you were careful with him and now you’re telling me you’re _almost_ certain? Are you going to make me believe that the baby’s mine while waiting for that damn paternity test result? Was that your plan? And then what, you’re going to leave me if the baby’s not mine?”

“Would you want me to go?” she whispered almost inaudibly he nearly didn’t hear it. She was crying now and the sight broke his heart and he knew he just broke hers as well. “If the result turned out that way?”

_“I’d like to believe that when it comes to you, my heart will always be in the right place… It shouldn’t matter to me, you’re all I care about…”_

His own words from two days ago haunted him, and he honestly thought he meant every word. She was all he cared about, that much was true. But this was different… He was so in love with the idea of a new baby, a child of their own, that he couldn’t even begin to imagine a different situation, an actual lifelong compromise.

“I don’t know, Pep,” he fixed his gaze on the floor because he knew he was going back on his word. “I love you, but just thinking that Killian, that bastard…”

 _Coward,_ he could almost hear his mother’s voice in his head. Had Maria Stark been alive for this, she would have disowned him for what he was doing to Pepper. Hell, they probably wouldn’t even be in this predicament right now if his mother were still alive.

“Tony…” Pepper muttered calmly, pulling him back to the present. “I let you in because I know that you’ve been waiting for this baby, _begging_ me for this baby. But you also know that I can do this on my own. I had thought about raising Andros alone and I can do it again, whatever the result may be.”

“So you’re taking my child away from me again? Was it not enough already that you hid Andros from me?”

“Oh, so it’s _your_ child now?”

“Don’t twist my words, Pepper!” He was so frustrated that he hit the nearest wall his fist could find. He glanced at her and all he could see was the worried look on her face as she stared at his wounded knuckles. He took a deep breath and tried to sound as calm as he could, in the end eventually settling for desperate. “I’m just so confused, Pep. Because if the baby’s not mine, you’re asking me to love another man’s child.”

“Wasn’t that what you wanted to ask me to do for Peter back then? What you’ve been asking me to do for him right now? I’m doing it for you, for your son.” She was crying and he knew that she must have felt so alone right now. “I just thought that you could do the same if—”

“Pep…”

“You used to say people couldn’t see that you’ve changed. Maybe you didn’t, after all. It sure seems so from where I’m standing.”

“Pep, I’m trying—”

“I guess it’s better if I don’t move in after all.”

How did they even get to this point? It was a glorious Saturday morning, maybe too bright and too cheery for his suspicious thoughts but they were all together, they were a family. Yet, somehow along the way, he felt as if Pepper had betrayed him by telling him the baby was his before she was even a hundred percent sure. What was once a happy news had been overshadowed with overwhelming doubts, and the worst part of it all was that he knew why he felt the anger and the pain. He knew exactly why but he couldn’t bring himself to acknowledge the reason behind it, simply because he himself knew it was pretty shallow.

_She’s right. I haven’t changed. Where and when it mattered the most, I’m still that selfish and greedy trust fund kid who couldn’t live with the fact that the love of his life had been with someone else, had been touched and kissed and loved by someone else. It was as simple as that._

It was perhaps one of the most difficult things that he had had to deal with when Pepper came back to his life, that she no longer completely belonged to him and him alone, never mind if everything that had happened was in the past. He knew it was quite immaterial, not to mention pointless, to brood over that fact but it did sting somehow, still, because he knew that at some point along their history he had lost her to someone else. It did not help that the possessive, primitive part of his brain wouldn’t allow him to let go of the idea that this baby could also be a constant reminder that she had never truly belonged solely to him, that somehow a part of her would always belong to the father of her child. It was stupid and shallow and selfish, and he couldn’t just tell her that.

He looked at her and he didn’t know what he was doing, but the words were out of his mouth and he knew that he just broke her heart once more.

“It’s probably best if you don’t.”

She was so beautiful, in spite the fact that she also looked hurt and vulnerable and completely alone. He had barely heard her say, “Let me just get my purse upstairs then I’ll be out of here,” and before he knew it, she had left the house, _their_ house, possibly never to return again.

She never looked back. He didn’t stop her.

He grabbed a bottle of scotch, pouring himself a glass which he downed in one gulp before refilling it and placing it on top of the fireplace mantel. He gazed at the indentation his fist had left on the wall and he wondered how he had been so hasty in telling her two days ago that he could love another man’s child because clearly, he couldn’t. He was big on words but he couldn’t walk the talk. He couldn’t follow through, he couldn’t deliver.

“Dad, where’s Pepper?”

He had forgotten about Peter, and the poor kid had come home to an empty house with a hole in the wall. He was still facing the fireplace while nursing his drink, and he took that as an opportunity to keep his back to the kid. What would Peter say this time? What would his son think of him?

“She wanted to spend some time alone in her apartment,” the lie rolling out of his tongue as smoothly as the scotch felt against his throat.

“What happened here?” Peter had approached him, eyeing the indentation on the wall just beside the fireplace. “Did you guys have a fight?”

“A fight requires time and energy.” He took a sip of his drink, grabbing the opportunity to hide behind his glass. “It’s more of an ongoing detached distrust.”

“Distrust?”

He looked at the boy and his oh-so-precious son looked so worried, the kid did not deserve to go through the pain and the agony of not knowing. Peter wanted a sibling so bad, had been so excited about this baby that just thinking that he might not be getting a sibling after all could really crush the boy. Tony might as well tell him everything, this early on.

“She had a paternity test done. She didn’t tell me, I found out on my own. So she’s apparently unsure.”

“Did you send me on a coffee run just so you could confront her?” Peter asked, not sounding surprised at his revelation at all. “Did you throw her out?”

“I didn’t. She left.”

“And you just let her go? She’s no longer moving in with us?”

“I told her it’s best that she doesn’t move in right now.” He sounded cold and uncaring but he reasoned that he had to protect this kid, _his_ kid, from the possible pain the situation could bring. “Believe me, Pete, it’s for the best.”

“So you _did_ throw her out…” Peter’s tone caught him off-guard and the boy was looking at him furiously. He wondered how much did the boy really know, he had been spending a lot of time with Pepper after all. “That’s not just Pepper, that’s also my baby brother or sister you just threw out of the house!”

“I’m not even sure if the baby is mine!”

“But Pepper _is_ sure!” Peter was angry, positively angry at him and shouting. He was a good kid, had always been a good kid. They never argued, never shouted at each other, never had a serious confrontation, that was why Tony was taken aback at how angry the boy actually was. “You abandoned her because you didn’t like the fact that she had a paternity test done? She only did that for you, so you guys will have peace!”

“She did that because she’s unsure!”

“No! She did that for you so that you will have peace,” Peter was fuming, eyes welling up with unshed tears because he was so angry and frustrated at Tony. “And in the more unlikely outcome that the baby’s not yours, she’ll give you the chance to walk away. She did that because she wanted to give you a choice, because she wanted to be fair to you! She told me so herself.”

“Pete…”

“How could you, Dad!”

The boy looked so disappointed at him, it broke Tony’s heart. In his own anger, he had not realized that Pepper was not selfish, had never been selfish. She could’ve gotten away without doing the test, to tell the truth, and he would not have wondered at all. He was ecstatic about the baby, his Morgan, until he found out about the paternity test and that was when the uncertainty occurred. Everything went downhill from there, because he had been so insecure, so selfish, so untrusting…

“Pepper told you that?” he asked, mentally kicking himself for breaking her heart all over again. The kid simply nodded, the anger still very much evident in his features. “Do you honestly think I will really leave her if the baby’s not mine?”

Did Peter really think so little of him? He loved Pepper, more than life itself, and while taking in another man’s child would be difficult, for Pepper he would try. Once all the anger and the frustration had left his system, he was quite sure that he would try. He just needed time to think and to come to terms with everything.

“I always thought you wouldn’t be capable of doing such…” Peter eyed him resentfully, dark brown eyes identical to his judging him for all the mistakes he kept on doing. “But I just don’t know anymore, Dad. You already _did_ abandon her anyway, before you could even know that the baby’s really yours.”

“Kid…”

“Why do you keep hurting her, Dad?” Peter muttered quietly, all the anger already leaving his system only to be replaced by disappointment. “I swear, one day she’ll wake up and realize that she deserved better and that she’s been hurt more than enough, and when that time comes you’ll never win her back, no matter how hard you try. Worse? She’ll move away and keep Morgan from you and we’ll never see them again…and even I won’t help you then.”

His mind automatically went to Andros, the long lost son that Pepper kept from him after he had unknowingly abandoned them. Had Pepper not walked back into his life, he would have never known the kid existed. But he loved the kid, as soon as he knew about him, he did love him and he would give anything if he could only hold that baby in his arms even for just a short while. Not knowing the kid he lost was one of the most painful things he had to go through and he wouldn’t be able to live if he were to lose another once more.

“She can’t move away… I can’t afford to lose another kid,” he muttered quietly, shortly before realizing that Peter had grabbed his bag from the couch and was already heading towards the foyer. “Where are you going?”

“I don’t know. Maybe MJ’s or Ned’s. Maybe Pepper’s. I just need some air.”

Tony slumped onto the couch, his head falling on his hands as he heard the front door shut. He had screwed up, again. Only this time, he couldn’t help but think that he had lost all of his kids in the process, and he had lost Pepper as well. He drank the remaining scotch in his glass before grabbing the bottle, taking a swig as he descended to the workshop. It would be a long and difficult day, he was sure of it.

* * *

** 11 years ago, Manhattan NY: **

Today had been a very long day, Tony could attest to that. He had just tucked his three year-old son into bed, something he never thought possible after the kid would not stop asking him ‘Why?’ the entire day – ‘why are we living in this house now,’ ‘why is Mom not staying with us,’ ‘why can’t I go to my old school,’ – a disadvantage indeed of having a genius toddler. He had been extremely patient and any other day he wouldn’t be, but this was Peter and the kid had him wrapped around his finger.

Still, like most other things concerning fatherhood, he couldn’t help but feel that he was grasping in the dark. A few years ago he hadn’t even have the slightest idea about parenthood, and then less than four years later he had to figure out what being a single father would be like. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, but trying to stay with Mary just for Peter’s sake was not a walk in the park either. That and the fact that the situation was not helping the kid. He and Mary had been fighting almost every day now even over the most mundane of things, and that was when he finally admitted that he did try, he tried and tried but it was not working anymore. After almost four long years, he said it out loud – he wanted out.

To say that things were no longer working between him and Mary was probably a lie, because to tell the truth, they never did work. Their marriage had been nothing more than an obligation, a parental responsibility, and a social convenience – something that, he realized now, was actually unnecessary. He could have been there for Peter whether or not he married his mother, and had he realized that earlier, he probably would not have lost Pepper either. But it was all in the past now, the cataclysmic chain of events brought about by his infidelity had ruined his chances of ever being with the love of his life, the woman he met eleven years ago that he was never really able to get out of his head.

Pepper… After all these years, he was still in love with her, he had always been. She left four years ago and he had never heard from her since, but her ghost had always been hanging above Mary’s head and looming over their marriage. Now that he had some time to actually think about it, he had not been exactly fair to his wife, soon-to-be ex-wife, to tell the truth, because he had always compared her with Pepper, an impossibly unattainable standard if someone were to ask him. He always thought along the lines of ‘Pepper would not have done this,’ or ‘Pepper would have done things this way,’ or ‘Pepper would have disagreed with me about this matter.’ The list could really go on and on but one thing remained clear, he never really got over her.

It was unfair to Mary, because it was hard to compete with the shadow of a woman that Tony held on a pedestal. It was difficult to compete against someone when the winner had already been decided by Tony’s heart right from the very start. It was impossible to compete with someone who owned Tony from the very beginning, who continued to own him without even realizing that she still did.

Being back in the house was both a blessing and a curse – a blessing because the place actually felt like home, and a curse because Pepper’s memories would continue to haunt him for sure – but he welcomed it. He wasn’t really quite sure if it was the nostalgia setting in or the knowledge that he no longer needed to be committed to Mary or the uncertainty of raising Peter on his own (because Pepper would know what to do for sure, she always did), but he was missing her. And as he took a sip of his scotch, he scrolled over to the last known number he had of Pepper, tempting himself to give in, to reach out, to surrender.

The phone rang for a while before an automated standard recording prompted him to leave a voicemail. He honestly didn’t know what had gotten over him but he went ahead anyway. Because what did he have to lose to begin with? For someone who had already lost the love of his life, he had nothing left to lose.

“Hey, Pepper, it’s me. I know we haven’t talked in three, four years, but I know now that I made a mistake. I want out, and I just filed for divorce because I cannot make it work. I really tried but if I’m being honest, I realized I didn’t want it to work because I’m still in love with you…” he paused, swallowing the lump that was forming in his throat and pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. “I don’t know how or why you would believe me, but I haven’t really been able to get you out of my head in the last years. When I wake up in the morning, I still wish to see you in the kitchen, coffee in hand and waiting for me. Pep… I now know I made a mistake… I still love you… And I know this is too much to ask but, do you think you can love another woman’s child? Because I still hope that when I do have a kid, it will be with you… I love you.”

He had barely placed his phone back on the table when it started buzzing and he felt his heart skipped a beat. Could it be? Was Pepper really calling him back?

“Pep?” he asked, gripping the edge of the table and holding his breath because…because…

“I’m sorry, who is this?”

“Pepper, it’s me, Tony.”

“Who are you looking for?”

“Pepper?” he took a second to collect his thoughts. “Virginia Potts?”

“I get a lot of those but this number has been reassigned…” The voice was kind, patient even. “I’m very sorry but I really hope that you find her soon.”

“Thank you…” he furrowed his brows as he took a drink of his scotch. He tensed his jaw in frustration as he muttered, “Sorry to bother you.”

“You okay?” Rhodes asked as he descended into the garage, eyeing him curiously. “Who are you talking to at this hour?”

“I just left Pepper a desperate voicemail.” He laughed sardonically when he saw the surprised reaction on the airman’s face. He tossed the phone to the couch before grabbing another tumbler to pour his best friend a drink. “Don’t worry, it was pointless. She doesn’t own that number anymore, she obviously doesn’t want me to find her.”

“Tones…”

“Do you think…” he trailed off, handing the tumbler over to Rhodes and clinking their glasses. He took a swig and refilled his own before continuing. “If she never moved away, do you think she can love another woman’s child?”

“Tones… You know—”

“I still love her, and do you know what’s stopping me from searching the entirety of Los Angeles for her?” He paced around the workshop, drink in hand, as he tried to contain his frustration and misery and longing. “I have to think of Peter.”

His best friend grabbed a stool and sat by the workshop table, smiling at him sadly while giving the matter much thought. He felt compelled to listen because Rhodes knew Pepper well after all.

“For what it’s worth, Tones, you know that she would do anything for you. You probably wouldn’t even have to ask.”

“You think? Don’t bullshit me, Rhodey,” he eyed his friend knowingly while Rhodes merely shook his head in disagreement. “Peter was born because I was unfaithful to her.”

“Okay, I won’t argue with that. I’ll say this though,” Rhodes answered raising his hands up in surrender. “If and when you do get a second chance in the future, don’t squander it. You did hurt Pepper, and I’d even dare say that you haven’t had the slightest idea how much pain you’ve caused her. But when that time comes and she still loves you, I’m sure she’s going to love Peter just as much as she loves you. All because it’s you.”

“You sound so sure,” Tony observed his friend as he took another swig from his tumbler.

Rhodes simply shrugged and smiled, seemingly enjoying a private joke on his own. “I have my reasons, Tones.”

* * *

** Present day, Manhattan NY: **

It was past eleven that Saturday evening when Tony found himself weaving through the busy Manhattan traffic. He had one too many drinks the whole afternoon, true, but he was sober enough to get his priorities straight that night – check on his son who was thankfully asleep back at the house, check their bedroom for Pepper only to find the unopened test result on his nightstand but without her in sight, and lastly, try to make things right with the mother of his unborn child.

To be honest, he had drunk more than half of his newly opened bottle of scotch so he was quite hazy with the details, but he did recall the important points in a memory that came unbidden to him as he sat in the quiet of his workshop that afternoon. He did remember what mattered the most – that he loved Pepper and that this would probably be his last chance, that second chance that his best friend was so sure he would get and should never waste. Eleven years ago, he had bitterly laughed at the impossibility of the idea and had merely humored Rhodes when the latter seemed so sure of it. Looking back, though, and after learning about the role his best friend had played for Pepper and Andros in the past fifteen years, he now realized that the man did have a point and a basis for that same argument.

This was his chance, probably his last chance.

So yes, he might have been drinking a lot but he finally came to his senses to ultimately decide that whatever the test result might say, this baby was already his. Sober or inebriated, with or without the paternity test, Morgan was his. That was the very same reason why he found himself knocking on Pepper’s apartment that night.

“I don’t know what the rules are and I’m pretty sure I’m breaking them, but I miss you…” he somewhat slurred as he leaned against the doorframe, trying to keep his eyes focused on her.

Pepper didn’t say a word and merely observed him as she stood in the doorway, arms protectively crossed in front of her. He craned his neck, just trying to make sure that she was alone and that no one else was staying with her. Was this woman ever going to invite him inside?

 _Probably not,_ he thought to himself. _But at least I’m not seeing even Killian’s shadow inside, so she hasn’t told him about the baby, right? And why would she if Morgan’s actually mine? Focus up, Stark. She’s alone, there’s no one else._

He really must not be thinking straight because he leaned in to try to catch her lips but she pressed her palms against his chest and the way that she frowned at the strong smell of scotch was not lost on him. She gently pushed him away and hers was the best poker face he had seen of late.

“You’ve been drinking,” she stated somehow unflappably even as he grinned at her and made a pinching gesture with his thumb and index finger, as if he could make her believe that he only had a glass or two. “And you’re upset. That’s not a good combination.”

“I fucked up…” he laughed at the accuracy of that statement before eventually looking up to try to meet her gaze. He tried to focus on her as he gripped the doorframe for support and…had she always been _this_ beautiful? She was more beautiful now, it must be that pregnancy glow all those people had been yapping about. He tried to pull his mind back to the matter at hand as he repeated his words, enunciating them as properly as he could. “I fucked up, Pep. I was cavalier with you and I took us for granted. If you can give me another chance, I feel like I could do better.”

“Tony, go home. We can talk when you’re sober.”

“I’m going to love this baby as much as I love you.”

“Tony, just—”

“No, listen to me, Pep.” He grabbed her shoulders, partly because he needed her to know that he might be drunk but he was serious, and the other reason being he needed the physical support which only made him marvel at his drunken driving skills. “I’ve decided that I’m going to love Morgan with everything that I’ve got.”

She narrowed her eyes at him and he knew she wanted to protest when he pulled her into a hug so that he could bury his face against her neck, but she didn’t. She simply sighed deeply, but he couldn’t feel her arms wrapping around him. Was she that mad at him? She wouldn’t let him in and now she wouldn’t even hug him? Still, he clung to her like his life depended on it.

“Have you opened the result, Tony?”

“I haven’t…” he murmured, not lifting his head from where it rested against her neck. “But I don’t want another unassuming envelope to dictate my happiness. I’m not going to let another envelope succeed in making me hurt you again.”

“Tony…”

“Pep, I need you to come home.” He whispered, trying to stifle a desperate need to breakdown as he gripped her waist tighter, closer. “Please come home. The house feels empty…it doesn’t feel like home without you.”

“Go home, Tony. I’ll call Happy so he can come and get you.”

“Not without you… And don’t call Hap, I can drive perfectly fine. Come home with me.”

“I’m pregnant and I’m not getting in a car driven by you smelling like this. I already lost a baby in a car crash, I’m not doing that again.”

He lifted his head and released her from his grip as he took a few steps back, her statement effectively sobering him up. That was stupid of him, really, really stupid of him. He could only imagine Andros never really forgiving him at all, ever.

“Do you want to stay?” she offered, but he knew it was more for his safety and not what she truly wanted for herself.

“I’m sorry. I’ll pick you up tomorrow…” he muttered distractedly as he retrieved his keys from his pocket. “I’ll be sober then and responsible, everything you need me to be.”

“Tony, let me call Hap—”

“Good night, Pep…” he called out as he walked away, ultimately finding the elevator. “I love you.”

\---- --- ----

Tony squinted and tried to shield his eyes from the glaring brightness of the room while he fumbled for the alarm clock that was screeching unjustly jolting him awake. He noted that it was almost noon, he was lying on his bed so he did make it to his bedroom after all, and the curtains had all been drawn open to let the sunshine in, too much sunshine in his opinion. He glanced at the nightstand only to see the still unopened test result sitting beside a glass of orange juice and a couple of painkillers. There was also a note from Peter:

> _Out with MJ and Ned. – Peter_

So the kid’s still mad at him and given the display of that anger (read: curtains intentionally drawn fully open and alarm set horrifyingly loud and early for a forty one year-old with a hangover), he couldn’t find himself complaining because the passive aggressiveness was obviously genetic. He shook his head (which was a mistake because, headache), ultimately deciding that he would deal with Peter later, but for now, after that drunken stunt he pulled last night, he needed to make things right with Pepper, properly this time.

And so, a quick shower and three cups of coffee later, he found himself knocking on her door once more. He was wearing the leather jacket he knew she liked best, he had styled his hair in that mussed up look he knew she preferred, there wasn’t a hint of smell of scotch on him, and he was holding a bouquet of pink peonies. The unopened paternity test result was stashed securely in his jacket's inner pocket.

“Tony…” Pepper sighed tiredly when she opened the door. She was looking a little pale, her hair was undone, and she was still wearing a robe as if she had just crawled out of bed never mind that it was already one in the afternoon.

“Are you okay?”

“Morning sickness,” she muttered quietly. “Or past-morning, actually.”

He nodded uncertainly, already feeling awful that he was the one who so wanted this baby and yet she was the one suffering for it. He wanted to kiss her senseless while he briefly wondered as well if it had been similarly difficult for her when she was pregnant with Andros. Just thinking that she had been all on her own then…

_Don’t go there, Stark. You know you’ll never be able to forgive yourself anyway…_

“I’m sorry…” He handed her the peonies while he pondered what he was really apologizing for. Was it for yesterday? Last night? Fifteen years ago? The present because he had knocked her up and now she’s feeling so unwell and alone?

_Probably all of the above…_

She was looking at him uncertainly while he offered her a small smile, wondering if maybe he should start changing his plans for the afternoon after all.

“I thought I’d take you out, if you’re up for it…” he offered, letting her know that he would actually take no for an answer. “I thought we can drive around, walk around…”

“Are you kidnapping me again?” she asked him jestingly, although he did not miss the way that she eyed him warily.

“I’m not. I’m just taking you for a ride within the city.” He raised his hands up in surrender hoping to reassure her. “You can inform anyone, and by anyone I mean Rhodey, where we are. Just in case you don’t believe me that this isn’t Cornwall all over again.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, but she did give in eventually. “Just let me shower,” she told him, stepping away from the door so he could step inside and make himself comfortable on her couch while she disappeared to the bedroom.

“Were you just on your own? Last night?” he asked nonchalantly but the way that she glared at him when she stopped by the bedroom door made him consider that she maybe wanted to hit him with the towel she was holding.

“Who would I be with?”

“No one,” he answered, feigning innocence. “It’s just, you wouldn’t let me in last night. I thought it's because you had company.”

“You were drunk.” She then disappeared to the bathroom, effectively ending their conversation.

 _Right_ , he couldn’t help but think. _Who said I couldn’t do the jealous boyfriend thing?_

\---- --- ----

“You’re awfully quiet. You haven’t said a word to me since we left your apartment,” Tony remarked as he and Pepper passed by the Bethesda Fountain in Central Park, heading east on Terrace Drive. “You’re still furious at me, I understand. Even _I’m_ still furious at me.”

“I’m not furious at you, Tony.”

He shook his head before he knew it, because Pepper could keep all the secrets she wanted to keep from him for as long as she liked, but he could always tell when something was bothering her or when she had already made up her mind. Right now it seemed like the latter, and the thought was unsettling. Honestly, he wouldn’t be surprised if she told him she was leaving him, and for good this time. He probably would even agree that he deserved it.

“I know I was stupid to unknowingly abandon you and Andros before, but you forgave me after. Loved me, even. It would be such a shame if that love was gone forever.” He knew he was appealing to her quite unfairly, and he had to remind himself about what he truly set out to do that afternoon. He should be fighting fair, but he couldn't help but ask. “So is it? Have I lost you forever?”

He glanced at her, hoping to catch her gaze but her eyes were downcast, clearly resolute to avoid him. Was he really losing her this time? Was she really taking this child away from him? He was just about to insist that she had options - that she could be with whoever she wanted to be with, with him even if the baby wasn't his - when she finally broke her silence, although she still wouldn’t look at him.

“When I told you about what Peter and I talked about and I asked you if it would matter to you if my baby’s another man’s child, you told me that you know it shouldn’t…” Pepper recalled, sounding pensive and uncertain and he was so sure he didn’t like that combination. “But that’s what you _want_ to feel, Tony. What I need to know is how you _actually_ feel.”

“Pep…”

“I need the truth, Tony.”

To tell the truth, he wasn’t really sure if he should be telling her _exactly_ how he felt. When it came to Pepper, he was selfish and jealous and possessive. He was just that way, he couldn’t help it, and he knew that somehow, she knew he was wired that way. Twenty three years later and he was still that eighteen year-old boy who met her for the very first time and who decided right there and then that he would never let her go.

But could he really tell her how he felt about the chance that the baby could not be his? That he couldn’t let go of the idea that the baby would serve as a constant reminder that she never truly belonged solely to him?

_Just answer her, Stark. Tell her you love her, tell her you’re willing to do this with her, but tell her the truth as well. You owe it to her…_

“I’ve been so selfish because I love you too much, so yes, it would break my heart. I’ll be lying if I told you that it wouldn’t hurt, that I could simply take this baby with open arms knowing that it could be someone else’s… The baby would after all be a reminder that you didn’t belong solely to me, that you had been with someone else because I made the mistake of letting you go before…” he trailed off and he realized he had never felt so raw and vulnerable, even to her. “But what I want is for it not to matter to me afterwards, eventually. You’re all I care about.”

She looked at him for the very first time that afternoon and as he watched the colors of dusk swept through the park and hit her fiery hair, he felt something clenched his heart. It was something akin to the feeling he had when she moved away to Los Angeles, when he finally let her go on her wedding day, all those times when he thought he had truly lost her forever, and he couldn’t help but feel that he was really losing her, for real this time.

“You only take calculated risks, Tony,” she told him and he was caught a bit off-guard by her statement. It wasn’t what he was expecting after all. “You’re only here and saying these things because you’ve opened the envelope, haven’t you?”

“I haven’t,” he almost chuckled at the thought but he wanted her to know that he was serious and that he was actually telling the truth. “And if that doesn’t describe the risk that I’m taking for you, I don’t know what else could.”

“So what exactly do you need me to do?”

“You don’t need to do anything for me…” he assured her, wanting her to know that this wasn’t like fifteen years ago when she had to make the sacrifices for him, for them. It was his turn after all, it was long overdue that he did. “But you do need to know the result, you owe it to yourself and to this baby to find out. And once you know who the father is, I’m giving you the choice on who you want to be with.”

She stopped in her tracks, visibly thrown and absolutely teary. They were already at the steps of The Met, the museum’s façade providing the same backdrop it did on the day that he met her, the night of their first date, the moment that he knew with absolute certainty that she was it for him, that she’s the one. He loved her so much that he decided twenty three years ago that he was never letting her go. Twenty three years later and he loved her so much still, but he knew now that if he truly did, he should be ready to let her walk away if she decided to.

Standing there at the steps of The Met, he knew they had come full circle. And while he wanted to hold her, kiss her, never let her go, he knew that he shouldn’t. He wouldn’t be making the choice for her this time. He was giving her the choice, he was doing this for her. His heart broke at the idea of letting her go, and he could only hope that his own mother could see him now, proud of the man that he had become.

“Pep… If the baby’s not mine and you want to try to make it work with Killian, I won’t stop you, even if I could personally tell you that I’ve been there, done that, and it’s not the only way to make it right for the kid. I will let you go even if it kills me, and I know that it will. But if you walk away, you’re doing it for yourself, because I know that what I want for myself is you.” He tensed his jaw as he tried to muster enough strength to keep going, he had to do this for her after all. “But if you want to be with me, regardless of the result, I’m going to love this baby as much as I love you. Whatever the envelope says, you’ll still have me.”

“Tony…” she whispered, wiping the tears from her eyes. Seeing her like that made him want to take her in his arms and protect her from the rest of the world but he knew that he couldn’t. So instead, he took her hand in his, squeezing it reassuringly.

“I love you, Pep. Since fifteen, twenty years ago, you needed me to know what to do, to know what I’m feeling and to put it in the right words. You needed me to grow up. And I’m so sorry it took me over twenty years, but that’s what’s happening. I’m putting it in the right words. I love you and it doesn’t matter if the baby’s mine or not, I will always love you…” He paused, letting go of her hand so he could retrieve the test result from the inside of his jacket pocket. He offered it to her, knowing full well that he could lose her but he also knew that she needed him to do this for her. “This is me, finally growing up.”

She looked so serene, so peaceful, happy even in spite of the tears that were streaming down her face, and he hated the fact that he had to make all the mistakes he had just for him to realize what he needed to do for her, how he could make her happy again…

“You want me to open it here?” she asked in between sobs and that was when he decided that he was only human after all.

He ultimately gave in and grabbed her, pulling her close to him while he kissed her deeply, swallowing her gasps and her sobs, pouring everything he had on that kiss because it felt oddly similar to fifteen years ago, only this time he wasn't breaking her heart anymore. It was, in fact, the most selfless he had ever been when it came to her.

When he finally let go, he sadly smiled at her, letting her know that he wouldn’t get in the way, whatever she decided to do. He wiped a few tears from her cheeks before he finally nodded encouragingly, committing her face and the moment to his memory.

“Yes, here. Because I’m feeling symbolic,” he smirked at her, just because he couldn't help it.

“Tony…” she whispered, taking the envelope from him and eyeing it uncertainly.

He gently grasped her shoulders and looked at her kindly. “You don’t even have to tell me anything, Pep, because in my head and in my heart I’ve already decided that the baby is mine, regardless of what the result might say. And if you allow me, I’m going to love this kid as much as I love you. I’m going to love Morgan with everything that I’ve got.”

“I don’t think I can do this…”

“Face you fears, Pep…” _Because God knows I’m facing mine right now,_ but he didn’t say it. Instead, what he told her next was what he knew she needed to know. “And remember that you have a choice in all this.”

“I’m still not naming the baby Morgan,” she muttered as she sighed deeply, opening the envelope with shaky hands.

A part of him was glad he wasn’t holding her close, because he was quite sure that if she could hear and feel his heart hammering against his chest, she would doubt his sincerity, or maybe even his strength. What he told her was true though, he had decided that he wanted her around and everything that came with it, but he also knew that he should be able to let her go should she decide to do so. The last part scared him, but Pepper had always been strong for him. It’s high time that she knew she could lean on him as well.

He watched as she tore the envelope open and read the result. She was crying and he was worried and because he could no longer take it, he took her in his arms as she hugged him close and sobbed uncontrollably on his shoulder. He just held her, hoping he was at least letting her know that she would always have him, for real, this time around.

It wasn’t until for a few more minutes when her sobs finally quieted and she finally broke her silence. His heart was breaking, not knowing what this could mean for them, but he reminded himself that he did give her the choice. He was doing this for her.

“Tony…” She pulled away, blue eyes staring back at him and he knew she had made up her mind. “I need to talk to Aldrich.”

\---- --- ----

“I don’t like this.”

They were sitting inside the Audi which was parked in front of a prewar apartment building along 63rd street on the west side. It was a little bit past seven in the evening and while a million thoughts were already running in Pepper’s mind, Tony being furious over what she wanted to do was further adding to that mix. She knew him so well, enough to know that he was not simply being stubborn or petulant. Still, this was happening whether he liked it or not.

“Tony, I told you, you could’ve just let me take a cab or asked Happy to drive me here—”

“I don’t like this, Pep. Not at all.” He was looking straight ahead while he restlessly drummed his fingers on the wheel, clearly avoiding looking at her because somehow she still held that power over him, that he tended to just give in to whatever it was she needed from him. “You don’t have to do this. You don’t owe him anything. We can move on without him knowing.”

“If you were in his shoes, you would have wanted to know. Besides, this is preemptive. I want to make sure that he wouldn’t bother us in the future, that he wouldn’t go after this baby,” she reasoned, hoping to pacify him in the process. She knew it somehow worked, even just for a little bit, because he gave her a pained smile.

“I hate that you’re always right, and I hate that you’re being a good person even to Killian.” He finally unlocked the car doors, sighing deeply as he spoke, “I’m going with you, though.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“I do. But I don’t trust _him_.”

“I have you on speed dial, Tony. If anything goes wrong, you’re just a phone call away.”

Still, Tony stepped out of the car then went around to get her door for her. She thought he was only escorting her until the elevators but he wouldn’t be Tony if that was the case. When they finally reached the top floor, she eyed him warily before heading for the door, waiting for him to say whatever it was he needed to say.

“Pep, I don’t like this, and I’m only doing this for you.” He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms while unwillingly putting a distance between them. “I’ll be here outside. If anything happens—”

“I know,” she cut in, actually feeling safe already. “And this is why I love you.”

“I know, but—”

“I love you, Tony.” She approached him and kissed him chastely, hoping it was enough to put him at ease. “I love you. _You_.”

She walked towards the door, knocking once before hearing Aldrich invite her inside. Turning the knob then slowly pushing the door open, she found him by the wet bar and nursing a drink. She almost took a step back when she saw the way he looked at her – he was too glad to see her, if there ever was such a thing, so much so that it was verging on manic, desperate even, and she didn’t like it one bit. Maybe Tony was right, she probably shouldn’t be here after all.

“I need to talk to you,” she began before he could even say anything, wanting to simply get this over and done with as quickly as possible.

“Why? Hasn’t Stark forgiven you, yet? Because you know that I will take you back in a heartbeat—”

“Aldrich…” she cut in, raising a hand to let him know that he shouldn’t get closer, that he shouldn’t be crowding her and that she wouldn’t welcome the nearness. “I came here because in spite of everything, I thought I owed you this.”

“What do you want?” he asked before taking a sip from his tumbler, and thankfully stopping just a few feet away from her.

“I’m pregnant…”

She didn’t like it one bit, she didn’t like telling him about the baby but she honestly thought it was the right thing to do. Given the timing, she was sure Aldrich would wonder, eventually, when the news finally came out and she wanted to save them all the uncertainty. She was doing this for the baby, for herself, for her and Tony, because she wanted to move on, free of any doubts and of ghosts of relationships past. But what she didn’t like more was the look he was giving her – he was too hopeful, too eager, too kind…

“Pepper—”

“It’s Tony’s…” She felt some anxiety at the way that he tensed his jaw and gazed at his drink while he swirled the glass quietly. “I just didn’t want you to find out from someone else and wonder if the baby was yours.”

“That’s very considerate. You must have been very relieved,” he muttered, still not taking his eyes off of his glass.

“Yes… I actually am.” She knew it was a cruel thing to say and Pepper was kind, but she was not a saint. “I have to go, Tony’s waiting for me outside.”

“He is?”

“Yes…and he knows everything and he has forgiven me.”

She tossed her key to his apartment on the coffee table, the clinking sound it made as metal hit wood seemed oddly satisfying to her. She then headed for the door but before she could even turn the knob open, Aldrich’s question interrupted her.

“Would you still choose him?” He was eyeing her this time and she was quite sure there was nothing but contempt in that look. “If the baby had been mine, would you still choose him?”

“I already made my choice before all this, Aldrich. Nothing’s going to change that.”

“You said you never wanted to have kids.”

“I never wanted to have kids with you.”

Her retort was probably the last straw and hearing it must have triggered all the anger she knew Aldrich must be feeling since a few months ago. It all happened so quickly – he threw the tumbler he was holding at the door, missing her face only by a foot or so – and the next thing she knew, glass shards were flying in the air and one of them actually managed to nick her cheek. The way that he lashed out at her caught her by surprise, and it took her more than a couple of seconds to snap out of it and step out of the room.

“Pepper! Pepper, wait!” Aldrich called out, running after her. “Pepper, I’m so sorry—”

“You bastard!” Tony shouted as soon as he saw the small cut on her face as she hurried out of the room. “What did you do?!”

“Tony, come on, let’s go.” Pepper nudged him away, letting him snag his arm around her waist, pulling her possessively in contact with the whole of his right side and hugging her closer and slightly behind him. She held onto him, knowing that he would rather back down than let go of her as long as he knew that she needed him close. “It’s not worth it,” she whispered into his ear, trying to sound calm in spite of the night’s hysterics.

She saw the conflict in Tony’s eyes as he debated between going after Aldrich and actually listening to her and holding her close. He was so angry that for a moment there she thought he would lunge at the other guy, but she stared at him pleadingly and in the end, her silent appeal to him won. He sighed in frustration as he held her close, eyeing Aldrich Killian who was standing by the doorway, still visibly stricken at what he had done to her.

“You’re going to pay for this…” Tony warned coldly, glaring angrily at Aldrich. “Stay away from Pepper. Consider this your final warning.”

“You’re not the hero of this story, Stark,” Aldrich sneered back at him after he had somehow recovered from the initial shock of what he had instinctively done. “She’s here, going through all this trouble just to tell me the baby’s yours. She wouldn’t have to do that had she not been _with me_ , but we all know why it happened in the first place, right? Because you lost her to me, because you’re just some pathetic excuse of a man who cannot appreciate what’s right in front of him.”

“Oh, and you did?”

“I did.” Aldrich admitted, gazing at Pepper with a bittersweet look in his eyes. “It might have taken me some time, but it didn’t take me fifteen long years to realize how important she is.”

“What did you say?!” Tony retaliated. Clearly, the remark hit a nerve and got into his head.

“Tony…” Pepper nudged him, almost dragging him towards the elevators. “Let’s go, it’s not worth it.”

“You’ll pay for this,” Tony assured the other guy as he let himself be dragged away by Pepper. Aldrich merely shrugged his shoulders, mocking him with his smile.

As the doors to the elevators began to close, Pepper couldn’t help but shake her head disappointedly, telling him one last time, “Good bye, Aldrich. I’d say good riddance, too.”

\---- --- ----

Tony growled and nipped at the satiny throat exposed to him, getting lost in her intoxicating scent, while he pinned her down beneath him. He knew he was acting differently, more possessive than usual and primal for want of a better term, and he knew that she was well aware of it too, but any attempt to tone down his urges was basically gone by now. It was very much evident with the way that she was struggling to move her arms, clearly aching to touch him, but the more primitive part of his brain was not letting her do that anytime soon. At least, not until he couldn’t help it anymore.

The first night in fifteen years that he had her, the night of the fundraiser and her rehearsal dinner, had been bittersweet, it had that one-more-for-the-road feeling with the both of them simply trying to get lost in the moment while letting the next day worry for itself. The second time in Cornwall was filled with unresolved anger and desperation, and he knew that at some point during that night he had hurt her, something that he resolved should never happen again. The nights they recently spent in Malibu, he had been greedy, with him trying to satiate his seemingly unending need for her as much as he could. Tonight was different though.

“Tony…” she gasped, breathless, trying to free her wrists from his iron-clad grip but he ignored her. Instead, he brought his head up and kissed her deeply, effectively quieting her down by swallowing her whimpers and pleas.

“Tell me you’re mine,” he growled and breathed the demand across her lips.

Tonight was certainly different. Tonight, he was just primal. He was fairly certain of what was going on, and Pepper, ever the instinctive one, must have also realized by now what he was doing. He was _reclaiming_ her, and while he had always regarded Pepper as his equal and he hated the term because it implied ownership which was never the case between them, essentially that was exactly what he was doing. But he couldn’t stop, not unless she told him to and she had not.

He stopped nipping at her throat so that he could stare down at her, his free hand tilting her chin so that she would meet his gaze. It was too intense and he knew that her impulse was to look away but he held her chin, gently stroking her lips with his thumb while he locked eyes with her.

“Tell me you’re mine,” he repeated, panting the words out.

“I’m all yours, Tony…” she whimpered surrendering.

“You belong to me and to no one else…” He was breathless as he buried his face against her neck, his hands finally letting go of her wrists as his strength gave out and he finally collapsed on top of her, exhausted and utterly spent. “You’re mine, Pepper… Never mistake that.”

He must have dozed off for a minute or two, because his first coherent thought afterwards was that he was crushing her. He propped himself on his elbow to take his weight off of her, watching her closely as her shallow breathing evened out and she finally opened her teary eyes.

“Pep, are you okay? I know I went too far. I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened, I just felt the need to…”

“To stake your claim.”

He hovered over her and she was looking at him without any hint of accusation. If anything, she look sated, tired but peaceful, with even a hint of understanding in those blue eyes of hers.

“It’s not like that…” he tried to downplay it, but he backpedaled almost immediately when she raised an eyebrow at him. “Okay, it was exactly like that.”

“It’s Aldrich, isn’t it? He got inside your head.”

He furrowed his brows, frowning at her ever insightful girlfriend, while he dodged the question and tried to distract her by caressing her ribcage and her waist. He leaned over to kiss her chastely, before gently checking her wrists, her thighs and her hips for any bruises that might be starting to form.

“Did I hurt you? I hurt you, didn’t I? I should be really careful, you’re pregnant and—”

“Shhh…Tony, Tony…” she interrupted, putting a finger against his lips before kissing him lightly. It somehow worked, because he stopped avoiding the topic and his self-deprecation started rearing its ugly head.

“I’m sorry. You know how possessive and jealous and selfish I get when it comes to you.”

“And I can’t change that.” She raised a hand to lightly stroke his cheek while she gazed at him a bit apologetically. “That’s the way you are, but I should stop giving you reasons to be all those things, you know?”

He rolled on his back, pulling her next to him so that her head was resting on his chest while she traced light circles above his heart.

“He’s right, you know?” he admitted quietly while he lightly stroke her shoulder. “I took you for granted and I keep taking you for granted. It took me fifteen years to finally become that someone that you need and—”

“And you’re trying to be better now.” She moved up so she could kiss him, punctuating every single declaration with a kiss. “I choose you. I trust you. I love you.” She grinned at him this time, and he didn’t realize until then that he had missed that look so much, “And I’m having your baby.”

He kissed her bare shoulder before gently pushing her on her back so he could comfortably rest his head on her stomach. He gently traced the side of her ribs, going all the way down to her waist before finally reaching her lower abdomen which he stroke affectionately.

“Morgan’s really mine…” he mused rather distractedly.

“That’s what I’ve been telling you.”

“Morgan’s really mine…” he repeated, smiling to himself and kissing her lower abdomen.

“We’re not naming the baby Morgan.”

“Two nights, Pep…” he muttered, kissing his way up through her torso. He grinned at her once he was eye level with her, and he was now only realizing how lucky he really got here. “Only two nights that you let me have my way with you and look where it got you.”

She frowned at the comment he just made and he couldn’t help but smirk as she thought she had put the pieces together.

“Did you plan this, Tony?”

“I’m not denying nor confirming anything.”

“Did you knock me up on purpose?”

“What?” he laughed nervously, because she actually sounded pissed at the idea. “I’m not entirely to blame for. It’s both of us who… It’s not as if you didn’t know we were not being careful, Pep.”

Looking back, she did let him have his way with her and because he was Tony, he did take what he could get, and probably more. He honestly had not thought about a potential baby at the time, he simply thought that she was probably on the pill or something because she allowed him to just…dive in. Regardless, he wanted a new baby anyway, so what was her problem?

“Tony…”

“Pepper…”

“Tony...”

“Alright, I didn’t do this on purpose, okay?” He gave up, because she was simply being as stubborn as he. “I’m not a good man but I’m not that kind of a dick either. But I did hope, you know?”

“You _hoped?_ ” she asked sounding so scandalized he had to stop himself from laughing. “What if I did get married?”

“Well…” he reached out to tuck a stray hair behind her ear and then started kissing her on the forehead, on her cheek, the side of her lips, before finding the crook of her neck once more. “I’d just hope that you’d show me the same consideration you did for that bastard…That you’d let me know the baby’s mine.”

“So you _did_ plan this.”

“Weren’t you listening at all? I just said I didn’t do this on purpose.” He stopped planting light kisses against her neck and lifted his head up so he could look at her, wiggling his brows playfully. “You know, I don’t remember that you can talk this much whenever I do things to you... I want to go for at least a couple more rounds, but your interrogation’s making me lose wood over here.”

Pepper simply sighed exasperatedly, predictably rolling her eyes at him. She looked so annoyed at him but he couldn’t help but laugh. He felt so light, like a big thorn had just been removed from his chest, and now he could properly celebrate the news that there’s a baby on the way, his baby, his Morgan. Pepper, on the other hand, looked so serene and content, never mind that she probably thought he was being an idiot.

“Fine, I might have hoped, but I seriously didn’t plan this,” he acquiesced as he hovered over her. “If it happens, it happens, that kind of thing. Besides, I’m a fair father. I treat my kids equally and I like to keep the tradition that all my kids are happy accidents.”

She laughed at his last remark and it eased his mind a bit. He was certain she didn’t plan on having a baby at this point in her life, she probably didn’t even plan on being with him once more, but she was here and she was doing it for him, with him.

“You’re unbelievable,” was all Pepper managed to say.

“I know…” he whispered into her ear not quite innocently. “And I also know I blow your mind. All. The. Time,” he muttered punctuating every single word with a kiss behind her ear.

“You deceitful, immature, evil little—”

Tony kissed her deeply, hungrily, greedily, effectively cutting her off. “Marry me,” he asked, breathing the words against her lips.

“Tony…” she pushed him a bit, just so she could look at his face, probably wondering how serious he was given their current situation.

“If we think about it too much, we’ll never do it.” He reasoned, looking very much serious and for real it was obvious that it scared her, and he felt somehow disappointed that it actually did scare her. “So I dare you, Potts. Marry me.”

She was quiet for a moment and he honestly wondered what was going on inside her head. A part of him really thought that given their history and that she was pregnant and that the baby was, after all, his, the decision to get married would be a no brainer by now.

She must have noticed him studying her, because she smiled at him teasingly. She bit her lip while swiping at a few brown curls that had gathered at his forehead. “Why is it that marriage is always your kneejerk reaction to pregnancies?”

_She’s deflecting, isn’t she? But why?_

“Low blow, Pep. Low blow.”

“And I’m not letting you propose to me like this.”

“You mean, like this?” His hands began to roam skillfully, not quite aimlessly, drawing out gasps and moans from her that seemed to be nothing but music to his ears. “In the throes of passion? Afraid that I can make you agree with anything?” He whispered as he nibbled at her lower lip before going down her throat and nipping at the soft skin of her shoulders and clavicles.

“Stop it…” she whimpered, but Tony merely chuckled as he traced her torso with his lips.

“You know, your words do not match the rest of you…” he explained, letting his hands move along her body with reckless abandon. “The rest of you disagrees with what you’re saying.”

“How about…”she was gasping and she finally grasped his wrist, making him stop with his ministrations. “How about I move back in for now? Then we’ll figure out the rest later.”

Tony propped himself on his elbow, sighing deeply while he shook his head and tried to look disappointed. “You know, I always thought I could finally trap you into marrying me by knocking you up. Oh, Potts, such a pain in the ass.”

“You’re an idiot,” she laughed, lightly tracing the side of his face with her fingers.

“If I had a dollar every time somebody tells me that, my net worth would have doubled by now.” He kissed her lightly, before regarding her earnestly. “I’m serious, Pep. Marry me.”

“Not like this, Tony. I’ll move back in, if you want. I can do that for now.”

He pulled her to him as he rolled on his back, letting her drape her body over his while he repeatedly stroke the length of her spine lazily. He really was an idiot, just thinking that he could have lost her just because he couldn’t stop being selfish…

“Alright,” he whispered as he nuzzled her hair. “I want you to move back in. But I still want you to marry me.”

“Ask me again. Eventually. A little ways down the road.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

She chuckled lightly, perhaps at the thought that he was an insufferable idiot who would never, ever give up until he got that something he had always wanted. She wasn’t wrong though, and when she did glance up to meet his eyes, he felt complete, the first time that he ever did in the last fifteen years.

“What?” she asked curiously because he was just quietly staring at her.

“It’s just so nice to see you laugh.”

“That’s sweet, but you’re still an idiot.”

“I know…” he dipped his head, meeting her lips and kissing her unhurriedly. “I love you, too…”

They stayed that way, making out for some time, until Tony had to pull away when his phone started buzzing. He reached out for it on the nightstand, furrowing his brows as he read Happy’s message. He then kissed her longingly, before reluctantly pulling away and getting out of the bed.

“Why don’t you go to sleep?” he told her as he put on his pajama pants and pulled a shirt over his head. “You need the rest, I know I’ve tuckered you out. I’ll join you later.”

“Where are you going?”

She was looking at him uncertainly, and he knew how bad leaving their bed was making him look. After the stunt he pulled earlier that night, the whole _reclaiming_ her thing, leaving her alone in their bed was probably the last thing he should be doing right now. But this was Pepper, she would understand.

“Happy told me Peter’s almost home.”

“What time is it?”

“It’s two in the morning. He broke his curfew, first time he ever did and he didn’t even call.”

“Did something happen?” she asked worriedly, and she began to get up but Tony gestured for her to stay in bed.

“We had a little spat…” he treaded carefully, not intending to keep anything from her but not wanting to tell her only to make her worry either. “It's nothing big, I’ll handle it. Go get some sleep, Honey. I won’t be long.”

Pepper nodded, kissing him lightly before letting him go. “Go be a good dad.”

\---- --- ----

“Hap, call legal and brief your guys. I want a restraining order against Killian first thing in the morning. If I catch him so much as breathing the same air as Pepper, I swear I will end his life.”

Peter heard his father talking on the phone as he stepped inside the family room that night, or early morning. He was about to make a beeline for the stairs but his father raised a finger at him telling him to keep still for just a moment. Of course he would want to talk to him, golden boy Peter Parker-Stark broke his curfew for the very first time ever after all.

“Yes, Pete’s home, he’s right here.” Tony went on, eyeing him as he waited for him to finish the phone call. “Thank you, Hap.”

He wondered if he would be getting an earful, because his dad’s probably worried that he was at that age when he could start developing bad habits just like Tony did. But Peter’s different, he knew he was different because he wasn’t acting out – very much unlike his father who was rebelling against his grandfather at that time, according to his Uncle Rhodey’s stories, – he was just…frustrated and disappointed.

“You missed your curfew,” Tony began as he stashed his phone and crossed his arms thoughtfully in front of him.

“So what’s my punishment?”

It was the first thing he had thought of asking, because this had never happened before. He never broke rules, he never argued with his father, and so he basically had no idea what kind of parent his father was when it came to discipline. Would this involve being grounded? Decreased lab time?

“Are you okay, Pete? This is unlike you.”

“I was at Ned’s, movie marathon,” he explained as he saw his father breathed a sigh of relief. He did, too, as soon as he noted that his father was more worried than angry. He hated what the man had done, but it wasn’t like he was looking for a fight either. “I needed to clear my head and I’m sorry I lost track of time.”

“As long as you’re okay. Just, let me know where you are next time.”

“Okay.”

They stood there for a few awkward seconds, possibly waiting for the other to broach the subject of their dispute or to start apologizing but in the end, it was Tony who broke the ice.

“Pepper’s here…” his father treaded slowly, and Peter somehow began to feel better, way better than he did in the last two days. “She’s worried about you. She’s asleep upstairs, we talked and sorted things out…”

“Is she okay?”

“She’s exhausted. Her morning sickness is still bad and it’s been a long, emotional day, but she’ll be alright.”

“Okay.”

He wondered if maybe he could go to his bedroom now? His father was right, it had been a long day, and it seemed like his dad had no plans of telling him if he had actually apologized to Pepper already so…

“Morgan’s really mine…” his father eyed him warily, while he uncrossed his arms and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “The result came in, I thought you should know.”

“I didn’t need to…” Peter had said the thought out loud even before he could process it. “Pepper said she’s sure of it and I don’t recall doubting her.”

 _Unlike you, you know?_ He would’ve added the thought, but Peter was not cruel and he knew that his father heard what was left unsaid anyway.

“I would like to apologize for that,” Tony said after some time, tensing his jaw while he was at it and Peter wondered if it was because he was trying hard not to get mad at him for his earlier retort. “For how I acted, for what I did…”

“It’s Pepper you should really be apologizing to—”

“I know, but I owe you, too.” Tony’s tone was kind and it was probably the humblest he had ever seen of his father. “There were a lot of things, both in the past and in the present, that I wish I could’ve done differently…”

_Like telling me about my other sibling, the one that you’re still hiding from me?_

“…I’m sorry, Pete. Can you forgive me?”

“Has Pepper forgiven you?” Because honestly, to Peter, that was all that mattered.

“I guess so, I hope so…” his dad told him contemplatively. “So, can we just move past this?”

Was his father actually unsure if Pepper had accepted his apology? Was he honestly trying to just gloss over the fact that he bailed on her and on this baby all because he had doubts, doubts he didn’t even need to have in the first place had he actually trusted Pepper?

“I don’t know,” he muttered feeling so horrible immediately. He hated being in a fight with his father, it didn’t feel right, it was so unlike them. But he felt so disappointed as well. “Just let me know when Pepper _actually_ forgives you. Maybe then.”

“Kid…”

“I’m going to bed…” He headed for the stairs but his dad got in the way, clearly not wanting to let things fester between them.

“Pete, kid, talk to me.”

“What do you want, Dad?”

“Why are you so mad at me?”

“Because you’d always tell me you hated it growing up when Grandpa took Grandma for granted, prioritizing his work over her among other things.” He blurted out, and all so suddenly he couldn’t seem to stop. “And yet, that’s what you keep doing to Pepper. There’s fifteen years ago, then there’s whatever the hell you did to her in Cornwall, and then now? You almost bailed on her, and not just on her but on my baby sibling as well! Should I keep going?”

“Pete…”

“You’re lucky Pepper’s a saint.” Peter went on, all the uncertainty and the guilt over everything that happened before he was even born just started pouring out. “I’m lucky she loves me like her own, even if I happen to be a walking, breathing reminder of _your_ infidelity. And yet, you still had hesitations about her. So if it turned out that Morgan was not yours, where would Pepper be right now? In her apartment? On a plane to Los Angeles?”

Peter fought the tears and it wasn’t helping that he was just so damn frustrated at his dad. What was really so hard to do anyway? He loved her, right? Then he should do everything in his power to make her happy. Wasn’t it as simple as that?

“Pete… I love Pepper. You _know_ that,” Tony paused and Peter couldn’t help but feel that his father was almost begging him, begging him to understand. “I needed some time to think but when I finally did, I told her she will always have me, regardless of what the result says. I told her she can raise the baby with me, that I no longer care if the baby’s mine or not, that I’m going to love Morgan whatever happens.”

“And did you…mean that?” Peter fixed his gaze on the floor, ashamed of what he had accused his dad of, ashamed of his sudden outburst, ashamed of having doubts about the man who had been nothing but a good father to him.

“Every word.”

“Okay. I’m going to bed.”

“Pete…”

“What do you want to hear, Dad?” He was no longer angry, he was just tired and frustrated and he honestly had not realized until now that his father could be truly stubborn, at times, much like him anyway. “What do you want me to say? _‘Good job, Dad?’_ It took you what, fifteen, twenty years to finally realize that Pepper’s the best thing that ever happened to you? That the woman really loves you in spite of everything you did to her? But all the same you wanted me to pat you on the back and tell you what a wonderful job you did?”

“That’s what Killian said.”

“What?”

Did his father just say _Killian_? He wondered what happened during the day and when his dad did not say another word, he couldn’t help but soften up a bit. Peter realized he had maybe gone too far, said too much, and knowing his father, self-deprecation wouldn’t be a difficult guess. The man’s probably thinking again that he would never deserve Pepper after all.

“She deserves better, Dad, and she loves you. I know you can do better, you’re _already_ doing better. But I cannot just sit back and watch as you ruin what would probably be your last chance with her.”

He went up the stairs, stopping only a few steps above when he heard his father call out to him.

“Kid… I’m really sorry.”

“Good night, Dad.”

“Good night… And Pete?”

“Yeah?” He didn’t turn around, he was too guilty and too sorry, so much so that he wanted to hug his father but he was still, somehow, furious at how the man had acted as well.

“I love you, kid.”

Peter didn’t say another word as he resumed climbing up the stairs to his own bedroom. And as Tony watched his son go up the stairs that night, he couldn’t help but feel pain as something clenched his heart. It was after all, for as long as Tony could remember, the very first time that he had not heard his son say, “I love you, Dad,” before going to bed.

\---- --- ----

Peter tossed his bag on the study table, knocking over the manila envelope that was sitting on his desk. It was the same one he found in his father’s safe, the one that contained Pepper’s dossier and the very same one that he knew held the answers to the many questions that plagued him since he heard them talking in Malibu. He had taken the file a few days ago, when he woke up in his father’s bedroom after Pepper had left him sleeping there that afternoon that she told his father about the baby. He had not browsed the files yet, he was still hoping to hear whatever the truth was from his father after all.

He picked it up, and he couldn’t help but remember what his father had muttered the other day when Peter came home only to find out that Pepper had left and his father had apparently thrown her out.

_“She can’t move away… I can’t afford to lose another kid…”_

The words stuck with him and while his father probably thought that he had not heard him, he did loud and clear.

He picked up the envelope and placed it inside his drawer, not really knowing what to do about it right now. He didn’t want to cause any more problems between Pepper and his dad, and he was pretty certain that browsing through the files would probably result in exactly just that. Still, he was furious at what his father had done just recently. So maybe, he had to know what really happened after all, at some point.

Peter went to bed restlessly that night, ultimately deciding to shelve the dossier for now. He had thought about maybe giving his father a chance to make things right, but if he did screw things up again with Pepper, maybe then Peter would feel compelled to know exactly what happened. He had decided to give his father a few weeks, and if nothing changes, then he would confront him. He really hoped it wouldn’t have to come to that, he really hoped his father was indeed a changed man, just like what he had always claimed to be. After all, he held the man on a pedestal, and it would be such a shame if his dad was not who he had always thought him to be.

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, come on, in this house, nobody likes Killian. Did you honestly think the baby's name would be Morgan if it's not Tony's? Plus, I love you too much only to make you riot in the comments section. :)
> 
> Peter, though. Oh boy.
> 
> This is actually one of the chapters that I really, really had fun writing. Like everything just fell into place. The muse was there, Tony & Peter, Tony & Pepper. As annoying as he was, I liked writing even the bit with Killian. So let me know what you think? ❤
> 
> P.S. Have you seen or read Lungs by Duncan Macmillan? I saw it, I think two years ago, and it's still one of the best off-kilter, brutally honest, relevant love stories out there. So unconventional. :)


	19. History Repeating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I failed as a father, I failed as a husband. I would be lying if I said I understood what makes me fail. The biggest lie of all would be to say I'll never fail again." —Larry Paul, Ally McBeal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The alternate chapter title was "The Apple Doesn't Fall Far from the Tree," I keep changing it every few days or so, I don't know why.
> 
> Also, I'm throwing in a lot of flashbacks here, hence the title, "History Repeating." I hope this doesn't make you weary:
> 
> (1) A glimpse of Pepper's life a month after she moved to Los Angeles  
> (2) There was one similar to the BARF scene at the MIT from CACW.  
> \- BTW, if you're up for a post-CACW feels, or how Pepper found out about the assassination of the Elder Starks, I wrote **[this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23668090)** a few months back.  
> (3) A look at Howard & Pepper's relationship from 22 years ago, 6 months after she met Tony (this one was inspired by that scene from Gossip Girl, when Lily told Dan that he belongs with her daughter)  
> (4) A young Tony Stark ends up in jail.
> 
> I'm giving you ~17.6K+ worth of update, because I will be gone for a while. For now, happy reading!

** 15 years ago, March, Los Angeles CA: **

Virginia Potts had always hated hospitals, but to be fair, who didn’t? The white and gray walls always reminded her of that time when she would stare blankly ahead for hours while waiting for news on her mother’s surgery, which eventually turned out unsuccessful; she then had to say goodbye to her mother at the tender age of fourteen. The strong smell of disinfectant triggered particular memories of her father hooked to life support until he eventually never woke up from a coma, which left her orphaned only a year after her mother died. And as if those unpleasant memories were not enough, it did not help that the last time she actually set foot in a hospital was five years ago, when she accompanied Tony after receiving the news that Howard and Maria Stark figured in a fatal car crash.

To Pepper, hospital visits never turned out well and it did nothing for the anxiety and worry that she was currently dealing with as she lay in bed in one of the private suites. She was thirteen weeks pregnant and there had been some bleeding, and she was so scared she was practically shaking it was a marvel that she managed to drive herself to the emergency room all on her own. It wasn’t as if she had a choice in the matter anyway, she had only been in L.A. for barely a month and she was not keen on making new friends at the moment for fear of being recognized.

So she was all on her own, and as for the father of her unborn child, she actually had no idea what Tony had been up to recently, seeing as she pointedly avoided reading the news just as much as she evaded the media. But if she would have to hazard a guess, he was in New York probably busy accompanying his new bride to doctor appointments and baby clothes shopping.

There was ~~some~~ bitterness, sure, but who could really blame her? She was _the_ girlfriend of five years and yet Tony left her, chose someone else over her. Granted that he had no idea she was pregnant with his child (because she didn’t tell him, sure), still, she felt betrayed and blindsided by his decision. Pepper felt alone and Tony just seemed unreliable after all, so she left without telling him about the baby. She reasoned she was strong, she was capable, she knew she could do this on her own.

Still, the fear that she could lose the baby was a different thing, it trumped never wanting to see Tony again and not forgiving him for his decision just yet. Nothing mattered other than the baby right now – not his infidelity, not her pain, not his decision, not her independence. She was scared and after everything that happened, he was still all she had left, somehow.

Without thinking, she took out her phone and scrolled over the number she knew Tony still maintained. She honestly didn’t know if he would pick up, probably not because hers was a new unregistered number after all. Other than the West Los Angeles area code, he wouldn’t have any idea that she was calling him. She wasn’t even sure if he still cared, but still, she pressed call and waited for him to answer the phone.

_“Hello?... Hello?”_

She clamped a hand over her mouth to stifle the sobs which tried to tear their way lose as soon as she heard his voice. She honestly didn’t know what to tell him, or if she should tell him anything at all. She knew that making the call was a moment of weakness, she thought it would be a reprieve from feeling so alone when he should be right here, with her, holding her hand, telling her it would all be okay…

_“Pepper? Pepper, is this you? Are you okay? Is everything okay? Pep, please, talk to me…”_

There was a pause, and she wondered if he had decided to hang up or if something else had already caught his attention. She briefly glanced at the clock and realized that it was one in the morning in New York. Maybe he had fallen back asleep, or maybe he had passed out at his workshop, scotch in hand and…

_“Pep, I’m so sorry… I know I’m never going to be the man that you deserve but… If you need anything, I’m here for you… I will always love you…”_

She ended the call, clasping the phone in her hand and holding it against her chest as the dam began to break. She didn’t understand what pushed her to make the call because to tell the truth, she still had no plans of telling Tony about the baby. Maybe it was because she was so sure that Tony wouldn’t pick up, or that he no longer cared and she simply wanted him to prove her right. But he did answer, and she was not ready to acknowledge the fact that somehow, he still cared.

She got off the bed and rushed to the bathroom as the nausea started to kick in once more. She gripped the toilet hard, her knuckles turning white as she kneeled on the floor and retched her guts out until finally collapsing against the tiled wall. She felt so exhausted – from the nausea, from the crying, from all the heartaches... And as she felt the cold wall against her back, she reached out for her phone that was just lying on the bathroom floor. There were four missed calls from Tony Stark and she knew what she had to do.

She tapped _“Block This Caller”_ and she really hoped she wouldn’t have to hear from him again.

* * *

** Present day, Manhattan NY, 3:00 AM: **

Tony stepped inside their bedroom, concern immediately flooding him as soon as he saw the light peeking through the bathroom door that had been left ajar. He sighed with a heavy heart, because after that confrontation he just had with Peter, the last thing he needed was to find Pepper sitting on the floor, quietly crying as she collapsed against the cold tiled wall.

“Honey, are you okay? What happened?”

He approached her, crouching down so he could take her in his arms as soon as he managed to get a good look at her. She looked pale, the cold sweat matted her bangs against her forehead while the shaky hands which clung to his arms were cold and clammy. Her eyes were red, and when muffled sobs seemed to be the only response he was getting, he began to worry, both for her and for the baby.

“Pep…Why are you crying?” He felt so stupid for asking and for being so clueless, but he had to ask because she was starting to scare the living daylights out of him. “Tell me… I’m here now.”

She didn’t answer him immediately, instead, she snuggled closer to him and rested her head on his chest while he sat on the floor and leaned against the wall. He just held her while gently stroking her arm, hoping that the gesture could at least provide her some comfort and reassurance. Her sobs eventually quieted after some time and he was already contemplating about carrying her to bed when she gently squeezed his arm and her soft whisper broke through the quiet.

“Is Peter okay?” she asked him worriedly, and he honestly didn’t know whether to be glad or concerned that she chose to worry about his son first, among other things.

“He’s alright, he just lost track of time and forgot to call.” He tried to gloss over the quarrel between him and Peter because really, Pepper didn’t need to hear it right now. “What happened, Pep?”

“I’m okay… I was starting to doze off when I suddenly felt nauseous and I ended up hurling over the toilet.”

She sounded so exhausted and for a moment there, he just wanted to kick himself. He knew this was all part of the pregnancy, but he couldn’t help but think that he did this to her. Worse? It was probably just as difficult when she was pregnant with Andros and to think that she had been all alone then…

“Why are you crying, though?” he asked, not wanting to dwell on his own thoughts. He already knew his shortcomings back then and he couldn’t change what happened. He could try his best to make things different this time around, though.

“I really don’t know,” she admitted sounding so hesitant and confused. “I was sitting here on the bathroom floor and then I just remembered how alone I felt back then.”

He knew it, after the whole _reclaiming_ stunt he pulled earlier that night, he really should not have left her all alone in bed. He could only imagine how she must be feeling right now – abandoned, then conquered, then abandoned once more – and he knew right there and then that he really should have stayed with her the rest of the night.

_You’re still an asshole, Stark._

“It’s not your fault…” she muttered, answering all the questions he didn’t even ask. She really knew him so well, didn’t she? “It’s not about tonight. Tonight was wonderful.”

“But?”

“There’s no ‘but.’ It’s just that…” she trailed off, and he knew with the way she buried her face at the crook of his neck that she was trying to fight back the tears. “It had been similarly difficult when I was pregnant with Andros… and sitting here exhausted on the bathroom floor reminded me of that. I'm sorry, my emotions are all over the place, it's probably just the hormones.”

So it wasn’t his primitive idiotic caveman self that had made her so upset. It was about their firstborn, though, and compared to that, caveman Tony would be so much easier to apologize for. But he remembered Cornwall, and he remembered promising himself that when it came to the child they lost, he would listen to her every word and take every blame. After all, it was something that he should have done for her since fifteen years ago.

“Tell me, Honey.”

“Tony…”

“Please?” he murmured, letting her know that it was okay. He could take it, he would carry the pain of the memory with her, for her. “I want to know.”

He knew she was hesitating, so he dipped his head to kiss the top of her head and just pulled her closer, wrapping her in his arms and trying to tell her that he would do anything to protect her from the rest of the world… even from him.

“I was thirteen, fourteen weeks pregnant when I thought I was going to lose the baby. There was a lot of bleeding and I remember feeling so scared, I still wonder how I managed to drive myself to the ER that day,” she paused, breathing him in and holding on to him tightly. “I had only been in L.A. for barely a month then and I just didn’t know who to tell. I was on my own.”

He felt his heart constrict just hearing her words. He knew that even if he had made his peace with Andros, he would always feel guilty for what happened and he had learned to accept that fact, to live with it in fact. He could only wish, though, that this current pregnancy would be better for Pepper, that it wouldn’t bring up memories that would only upset her every now and then. But he knew that it would be unavoidable, and today was probably just day one of that, the first of many days to come, to tell the truth.

The Tony from more than a month ago would have almost immediately told her, _“You should have told me,”_ just like what he did in Cornwall but not anymore, not this time. Of course, he would have wanted to know, but he was done making her feel as if he was punishing her for losing that baby, not that he ever did punish her, really. It wasn’t her fault, if anything, it was his.

“I wanted to call you, you know…” she went on, pulling him back and away from his thoughts. “And I did, you even answered the call.”

“I did?” he asked confused, and he began to wonder if she was referring to the same phone call that he knew with absolute certainty came from her. He had tried to call her back many times, he had even thought of tracing the call back but he figured that she didn’t want to be found.

“It was a moment of weakness, I was alone and scared and heartbroken over you. As soon as you picked up, I realized that I really should have never called, but I couldn’t just hang up when I heard your voice. Somehow, you knew it was me even if I didn’t say a single word.”

So she was indeed referring to the same phone call. God, it hurt so much just to realize that he was that close to knowing and yet… she didn’t feel safe enough to tell him, to let him know. Not more than twenty four hours ago, he would have jumped at the first opportunity to chide her by asking _“Why didn’t you tell me?”_ but not anymore. He was trying to be better for her, and for Peter as well.

“What stopped you from telling me?” was what he asked instead.

“I didn’t want to be the one to break your new family…” she whispered and the damp tears he felt against his neck only broke his heart further. Even after everything that he did to her, she still put him first. He never really did deserve her.

“I’m sorry, Pep…”

“I’m sorry, too. I really am. Maybe if I told you, Andros would be here and—”

“Don’t Pep, it’s not your fault.” He pulled her closer, hugging her to him because he didn’t know how else to reassure her. “It’s alright. I don’t blame you.”

“I just didn’t have anyone else…” her voice was breaking and he could only wish he could do more to comfort her.

“I got you now, it’s okay…” he whispered, kissing her temple as he stood up and scooped her in his arms to carry her back to bed. He pulled the covers and held her close as he lay beside her, wanting nothing more than to keep her safe, to let her know that she would never be alone again. “I got you, Honey. You have me now.”

\---- --- ----

“Hey… Good morning.”

Peter greeted Pepper when he walked into the kitchen that Monday morning. He grabbed a stool to sit by the breakfast counter while Pepper pushed a glass of orange juice towards him. He couldn’t help but furrow his brows when he saw the plate of waffles and bacon she was handing him and he took it rather distractedly, muttering a soft “Thanks,” as he began to dig in.

“You don’t like it?” Pepper asked worriedly as she took a sip of her tea. “It’s only half-past six, I can cook you something else if today doesn’t feel like a waffle day.”

“Nah. You make the best waffles,” he assured her in between bites. “I was just not expecting anyone in the kitchen this early. Dad usually gets up around eight or nine, so I normally prepare my own breakfast. School starts at 8:30.”

“You always do that?”

“Prepare my own breakfast?” he asked, throwing Pepper an inquiring glance while he reached for the blueberries and cream. “Yeah. Most of the time I just go for the usual cereals and milk. Dad’s not really a morning person, but he does try his best when he’s around…or if he’s awake, but he makes up for it come dinner time.”

“What about when you were younger?”

“You mean middle school?” He couldn’t help but laugh, remembering how his dad really tried so hard back then. “Dad tried, really hard. When he’s out of town, it’s usually Uncle Happy or Uncle Rhodey, whoever’s around. But I’ve always been a pretty independent kid, you know? And when I reached high school, I realized I should just let Dad sleep in. He rarely sleeps more than four hours a night, so I figured I’d let him be. At least, he’s getting some shuteye.”

“You’re a good kid, Peter,” Pepper told him and he just offered her a small smile, because he was still feeling guilty about last night’s confrontation, to tell the truth.

“Why are you up so early?” he asked, trying to change the subject. “Are you going back to work already?”

“I plan to. I’ve already been away for a week, I need to be back in the office,” Pepper told him as she absent-mindedly stared at the waffles, contemplating whether she could eat it but then decided against it. She went on to refill her tea, instead. “I’m up because your baby sibling has other plans, this one still won’t let me keep anything down. And I can’t go back to sleep anymore, so I thought I’d get started on breakfast. What sandwich do you want?”

“Sandwich?” he asked confused.

“For school,” Pepper told him matter-of-factly, smiling at him warmly before opening the fridge to make an inventory.

He was honestly taken aback, because somehow, and he meant this with all due respect to his father and all the single fathers in the world, he realized this must be how it felt like to have a mother or at least a mother-figure around. He had not realized what he was missing but having Pepper around had really made him feel like a normal kid, or close to it. He was already glad that she liked him enough, but for her to be this kind to him when he was the child born out of his father’s infidelity…

“Peter?”

“Yeah?” he asked, snapping out of his thoughts only to see Pepper looking curiously at him, a couple of tuna cans in her hand.

“Would you like a tuna melt?”

“Sure,” he beamed at her as he watched her preheat the oven before whisking together mayonnaise, lemon juice, Dijon mustard, and what seemed to be red pepper flakes. He watched her for a while before deciding that he might as well ask. “Is everything okay between you and Dad?”

“Yeah, we’re okay. Don’t worry about us.”

“I try not to,” he quietly muttered, watching her add the drained tuna into the mayonnaise mixture along with some finely chopped green leafy stuff he would rather not know about.

She then reached for the glass containers of salt and pepper overhead when the long scar on her left arm caught his eye. He wondered what could be the story behind it – did something happen to her in L.A.? Was that where she got the scar or was it earlier, in New York, before she left? He wanted to ask her about it but thought it impolite to do so. Courtesy, however, went out the window when he noticed the small cut on her cheek that looked no more than a day old.

“What happened yesterday?” he asked, pointing at his own cheekbone just so Pepper would have an idea what he was referring to. “Was that Dad’s fault?”

“Your father might, at times, have a temper, but he’s a gentleman…” she told him, conveniently avoiding his gaze as she buttered a few bread slices before topping them with tuna salad, cheese, and tomato. “So no, it’s not your dad’s doing.”

“Was it Killian?” he asked, and she eyed him questioningly after she had placed the sandwiches in the oven. “Dad mentioned him last night.”

“What did he tell you?”

“Nothing,” he told her shrugging his shoulders as he finished his bacon and chased it down with the orange juice. “I just heard him talking to Uncle Happy over the phone. Security issues, restraining orders. Dad was really angry.”

Pepper frowned at that, and knowing his father, she was probably disagreeing already with whatever it was his dad had ordered their head of security to do so. He was just about to ask her again what happened when his father waltzed into the kitchen.

“Good morning, Hon,” his father greeted Pepper, kissing her on the cheek before making a beeline for the coffeemaker. He then glanced at him after taking a sip of his coffee and immediately getting a refill. “What are you two talking about, Pete?”

“I should get going,” Peter stood up and grabbed his bag before slinging it over his shoulder. “It’s quarter to eight and I don’t want to be late. Monday traffic and all.”

“Here…” Pepper handed him a paper bag with the sandwiches inside and he couldn’t help but feel like a little kid with a very doting mom. It was a different feeling and he would be lying if he denied that he was actually enjoying it. He then saw her pushing the plate of the remaining tuna melt towards his father who stared at it hesitantly. “Do you want these? I thought I wanted it but the mayonnaise is making my stomach turn,” she asked his dad and the way that he furrowed his brows out of concern was not lost on Peter.

“I’ll drop by at S.I. after school,” Peter told Pepper while he tried to avoid glancing in his father’s direction. “Let me know if you’re craving anything.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“No, I insist. You haven’t been eating anything,” which was actually true. He had yet to see Pepper actually eat anything.

“Okay, the last time—” Pepper paused, seemingly catching herself before she could say anything more, and Peter couldn’t help but notice as his father almost choked on his coffee. “The last time I got so sick I could barely eat, I was able to at least tolerate soufflé, vanilla not savory.”

_The last time? Did she mean when she had my secret sibling?_

“Got it,” Peter smiled at her, choosing to keep his thoughts at bay for now. He then leaned forward to kiss Pepper on the cheek before bidding her goodbye. “I have to go. Bye, Pepper.”

“Let me drive you to school, kid,” his father offered leaving Peter no other choice but to actually address him directly this time.

“Uncle Happy’s driving me. Maybe you should drive Pepper to work instead.” He focused on a spot above his father’s shoulder just so he wouldn’t have to look his old man in the eye. He just couldn’t, not yet. He then stepped out of the kitchen and quickly made his way to the foyer without even sparing a glance at his father.

Tony just stood there by the kitchen counter, distractedly drumming his fingers against the countertop as he watched Peter leave for school. He tensed his jaw in frustration then absently ran his fingers through his hair, as if the gesture would somehow provide him with a solution as to how he could make things right with the kid. The kid’s still obviously mad at him and because Peter was definitely his son, he knew how equally stubborn he could be. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree after all.

“What are you looking at?” he asked Pepper when he turned around and he caught her studying him. Clearly, there would be no point in lying his way out of this one.

“What was that? Are you two still fighting?” Pepper asked him as she took a seat by the breakfast bar, a platter of peaches and bananas in front of her. Thank God, she was finally eating something.

“We’re not and don’t mind the kid, he’ll get over it.” He tried to gloss over it, hoping Pepper would just drop it for now. “Soufflé? Andros?” he asked instead, expertly changing the subject from one son to another.

She simply nodded, and because Tony would like to believe that he was getting way better at this whole relationship thing, he could tell she didn’t want to talk about it. So, he decided not to force the details out of her, they already had a quite loaded conversation from earlier that morning after all. But what could he do instead? Apologize. Yes, he would be willing to spend a lifetime apologizing and trying to make it up to her, if that’s what it would take to keep her.

“I’m sorry…” he told her, and when Pepper raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow at him, he merely shook his head and shrugged his shoulders resignedly. “For missing out on that pregnancy.”

“You didn’t know, I didn’t tell you,” she told him kindly, because Pepper Potts never did anything unkindly.

“I should have noticed. Like I noticed this time around.”

“You’re so fixated on having a baby right now, Tony. Of course you’ll notice.”

He sighed deeply then approached her, spinning her gently on her seat so that she was facing him with her back against the counter. He gently rubbed one of her thighs before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, kissing her deeply as he leaned forward. Peter was right, he was lucky Pepper’s a saint.

“Stop it…” he told her as his hands rested on her hips while he tried to catch her gaze.

“Stop what?”

“Stop making excuses for me.” His hands skimmed down her sides and he hoped that she was somehow comforted, because just holding her like this really calmed his restless heart. “We were living together. I was getting sober. I was bedding you almost every night and I missed out on the fact that you were two months late? That you were pregnant with my child?”

She was quiet and her silence was enough to let him know that he was right. That was one thing he loved about Pepper, she always told him the truth, verbally or otherwise, whether she intended to or not, even when it would be at his own expense. Granted it took a while before she told him about Andros and this new baby, but she did anyway. In the end, she couldn’t keep anything from him, and the fact that she wasn’t saying anything to defend his very poor decisions from back then spoke volumes on how he should’ve treated her before. It made him feel guilty, even more so than usual.

“My world revolved around me back then, it was spinning so fast I know it left you out.” He sighed deeply, wondering how he didn’t see it at the time. He was grieving his mother, and to tell the truth his father as well, and grief was a very potent drug – it numbed him, changed him, made him forget about everything, everything except grief itself. “I know I am not paying enough attention to you.”

“Was. Past tense, Tony,” she gave him a small smile and in spite her quietly agreeing to his admission, he felt a little bit better.

He leaned forward to rest his head against her chest, while she ran her fingers through his hair before kissing the top of his head. Her touch grounded him, it soothed both his body and soul, and it made him feel safe in a way that no one else ever did. She really was his perfect fit.

“I just wish that I did,” he murmured against her chest.

“I know,” she reassured him softly.

He was quiet for a moment, simply basking in the feeling of being this close to her, of Pepper holding him and anchoring him for whenever it got too loud inside his head. Like right now, it wasn’t exactly chaos in his mind but the ever persistent voice telling him he would never deserve her seemed to be having a field day at the moment. He had not realized it, but he gripped her sides a little too tightly as he tried to force the thought at bay. He already knew it and he believed it with all his heart, but it didn’t mean he needed to be reminded of it very often.

“Whatever you’re thinking, you’re wrong, Tony.”

He lifted his head upon hearing her words, and he couldn’t help but smirk at how good of a mind reader Pepper really was when it came to him. Or maybe, he was just too predictable by now but he didn’t really care. He lifted a hand to gently stroke her face, frowning and trying to suppress the anger when his thumb brushed against the healing cut that was on her cheek.

“That’s where _you’re_ wrong, Pep…” he tried to offer her a smile before kissing her lightly. “Because I really don’t deserve you. But I’ll make it up to you, I want to deserve you.”

“You already do…” she pressed a kiss against his lips, clearly not wanting him to argue his point any further.

Pepper hopped from her seat and started collecting the plates but before she could even start rinsing the dishes, he intercepted her and he got started on the task on his own. “You cooked, so I’m washing the dishes,” he told her, earning him a smile that was half-amused and half-appreciative.

“Was it really just a spat?” she asked him after some time. She was leaning with her back against the sink, her hands wrapped around a warm cup of tea while she watched him intently as he loaded the plates in the dishwasher. “Peter seems to be avoiding you.”

“He’ll be fine. If he kept ignoring me, at least he has you.” He spared a moment to look at her just so he could wink at her coyly. “Damn, Potts. We’re not even married yet, not my fault by the way, but we already make quite the team.”

“You know that we always did.”

_“Thank you for today, Tony. We make quite a good team.”  
“We always did. Good luck, Pep, with everything. I’m sure you’ll make a beautiful bride.”_

They did make quite the team even then, and for that reason alone the memory of that afternoon they spent together two days before her almost-wedding flashed briefly before his eyes. He took her to her final dress fitting that day, and he honestly thought that he had lost her then, that he had lost her forever to someone else…

“Don’t worry too much about Peter.” He had followed her back to the breakfast bar as he tried to brush off the memory of that afternoon. He slipped his arms from behind her, pulling her close to him before resting his chin against her shoulder. “Now… I’m upset you left me in bed.”

“ _You_ left me in bed last night.”

“I did come back ASAP. Besides, you’re the one who told me to go and be a good dad.”

“And you are a good dad, Tony.”

“You know, I’m not quite sure about that…” he muttered, letting her turn in his embrace so that she was facing him this time. He wiggled his brows suggestively at her in an attempt to keep that pitiful thought of his away. “But I noticed you made him a sandwich? Already assuming the Mrs. Stark role, aren’t we?”

She poked his side gently and he couldn’t help but notice that she was absolutely blushing and spectacularly failing in trying to hide it. Yeah, he still got it. Even after all these years, Tony Stark could still make Pepper Potts blush out of embarrassment.

“I’m just so glad you’re here, for obvious reasons…” he whispered in between kisses while slipping his hand beneath her shirt just so he could gently stroke her still flat belly. “And for Peter as well. The kid could use some mothering, you know?”

“You did a good job on your own,” she countered and in that moment he really wanted to believe her. He just had to convince himself first, and doing so was the hard part.

“Pep, let’s go to Venice…” he deflected instead. Because that’s just about two of the many things Tony Stark was good at – deflecting and spontaneity.

“What? Why?”

“You remember Venice. We had fun, and we deserve it.”

“Not until you fix things with Peter—”

“Yes, ma’am. On it.”

“—and if we do leave, we’re taking him with us.”

“Why?” he whined rather immaturely or maybe just in true Tony Stark fashion, definitely very much on brand either way. “Who brings their teenage son to a honeymoon?”

“It’s not a honeymoon—”

“But it’s in Europe and there will be tons of sex involved and by definition—”

“—and we’re not married—”

“You’re right,” he kissed her rather sloppily, effectively silencing her. “We have to be married for it to be a honeymoon, and a honeymoon results in a baby. Usually. We didn’t fulfill the married part, again not my fault, but we’ve got the baby part covered.” She rolled her eyes at him and he was so petty he just had to add the last part. “So… It’s still a win, right? I did a pretty bang up job getting you pregnant, yeah? Did you get it, Honey? _Bang_ up job?”

Pepper simply shook her head defeatedly and hid her face in her hands, very much mortified and embarrassed. “Oh God, just… please shut up, Tony.”

* * *

** 25 years ago, December, Manhattan NY: **

Seventeen year-old Anthony Edward Stark was lying on the couch, half-asleep and almost completely dozing off, with a fleece blanket thrown over his head while his mother softly played the piano. He had just gotten back from a spur-of-the-moment trip to Spain to celebrate the end of his last term in MIT and the prospect of living once more under Howard Stark’s roof was clearly something he had not been looking forward to. Still, doing so meant getting to spend more time with his mother and that alone was enough incentive for the young Stark, never mind the fact that it also meant seeing his father more often than he would have actually preferred.

He had been lying on the couch the whole late afternoon because, while he loved hearing his mother play and her sweet voice as well, he was trying to avoid his father. Throwing a party at the Stark ancestral home then running off to Europe didn’t exactly make for a nice welcome home present for his parents who had to deal with the party’s aftermath when they arrived from their trip to Washington. He was fairly certain that he would be getting an earful from his father, so he chose to be evasive. Plus, he was quite sure he had no other choice than to start working for the company now that he had finally graduated, so he was trying to cling to what little Howard-free time he still had before the corporate world consumed him entirely.

“Wake up, dear, your father’s here.” Maria Stark had stopped singing but she continued to hit the keys just as Tony heard the familiar gait of his father approaching the piano room. “You should get ready, we have to leave soon.”

He had thought about pretending to be asleep but his father had pulled the blanket away from his face leaving him no other choice than to get up. He sighed annoyingly before putting on his coat and approaching his mother. He kissed her on the cheek while he muttered, “I’ll see you later, Mom.”

“Where do you think you’re going?” his father demanded more than asked.

“Out. Not to your party, but out.”

“You trashed the house then ran off to Spain,” Howard told him without preamble. The old man stuffed his hands in his pockets and stood in that intimidating stance he often used whenever Tony ended up in trouble.

_Here comes the earful, and right on schedule, too._

There were actually two ways he could deal with his father – one would be with sarcasm which he was certain would not solve anything but it would absolutely make Tony feel a bit better, and the other one was plain honesty which he dared not touch with a ten-foot pole. That just wasn’t the way he and his father dealt with things – sarcasm and deflecting was for Howard while he tended to reserve truth and vulnerability for his mother.

“I’m sorry, I’ve just been feeling really lost…”

Tony did not know what came to him that afternoon but the next thing he knew, the words were out of his mouth faster than he could rethink them. He rationalized that maybe he was just tired of it all or maybe he just wanted to be honest once and for all. Or maybe, it was a cry for help that he hoped his father would finally hear and recognize…

“Spare me, Tony. The only thing that’s lost is your sense of responsibility and consideration,” Howard’s voice was firm with steely resolved.

Hearing this, his mother had stopped playing the piano and it was very much evident that what she wanted was for his father to stop being unyielding, for once. “Be nice, dear. He had been through a lot…”

“Really? Through a lot of what?” Howard sounded unconvinced as always. “What are their names?”

“Candice… Sunset… Bethany… Whitney...” Tony muttered unashamedly, realizing that the truth had no place in this conversation after all. Again. But he did feel a bit of remorse at making his mother hear all about his conquests and the way that he had been going through with his life recently – fast cars and even faster women.

“Unless you’re planning to attend the company party, you might want to take your coat off. You’re grounded.” Howard told him before glancing at his mother who had been watching the exchange quietly. “I’ll get the car ready, Maria.”

Tony tensed his jaw in frustration as his father stepped out of the room without sparing a single glance in his direction. He crossed his arms defiantly and gazed out the window, hoping his mother would just leave the room without a word. He was just too ashamed and even if he didn’t care about what Howard thought of him, his mother’s opinion mattered, more than anyone else’s. To tell the truth, her opinion of him was probably the only thing that mattered to Tony, that and the fact that he didn’t want to break his mother’s heart as much as possible.

“He does miss you when you’re not here,” his mother told him softly while she stood up from the piano to approach him. She gently stroke his arm reassuringly while she tried to catch his gaze. “I know you and your father don’t see eye to eye on many things but he loves you, he cares about you.”

“Oh yeah? He’s worried about leaving the company in my hands someday. What he cares about is making sure that I don't ruin his legacy, but he had forgotten to check if I actually wanted his legacy to begin with.”

“Anthony… Your father may be strict, and he might have an unconventional way of showing it but he only wants what’s best for you. And right now, all these rebellious activities you try to disguise as habits – the drinking, the women, the fast cars – you’re at that age when—”

“Is he treating you right? While I was away, was he good to you?”

A soft smile graced his mother’s features when it dawned on her what he was really fuming about. She raised a hand to gently swipe the hair that had fallen near his eyes before lightly tracing his face, and Tony was quite uncertain if he had made his mother more sad than relieved.

“Your father’s a good man, Anthony. I can assure you that he loves me, that he has never treated me unfairly, that he’s never been abusive…” she reassured him and he really wanted to believe her. “His only flaw is that he has always loved his work to the point of obsession and while I understand him and his ways, I never should’ve expected you to feel the same. You’re a kid who needs his father growing up, and I should’ve known that the attention I thought was enough for me must be lacking for you.”

Tony defeatedly looked at his mother and gave her a small nod, knowing that his mother knew that he somehow understood. To be honest, he didn’t mind that Howard had been absent for the more important moments of his young life; who was he kidding, of course he minded it, but right now, all he really cared about was that Howard was done taking his mother for granted. He knew that his father loved her more than anything in the world, but Tony wanted him to actually show it. His mother was a saint and she only deserved the best.

“So he’s being good to you, even if I’m not here to see it?” He felt somehow relieved when his mother nodded reassuringly, but still he had to begrudgingly force the words out. “I know… I know that he’s doing the best that he could.”

His mother smiled at him before leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek. “We’ll talk more when I get home, okay?”

“Okay…” He looked at her longingly and he only wished that he could stop his habits and change for the better, just so he could make her happier. “Have a great night.”

* * *

** Present day, Stark Industries, NY: **

“We’ve talked about the weather, I think we’ve made a clean sweep of all possible topics for small talk. So, let’s just get this over and done with before you go business savvy on me and start discussing the stock market.” Tony went on as he picked an egg roll from the Chinese takeout spread on Pepper’s office table. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, Honey, because a business savvy Pepper Potts really turns me on, but why did you insist on this lunch?”

Pepper simply smiled to herself, quite conspiratorially actually, while she checked her phone for a message from Peter telling her that he was on his way. It was almost three in the afternoon and she and Tony were having a late lunch after she had had a series of meetings. Tony, on the other hand, was lounging on a seat opposite her desk, dressed in jeans, band shirt, sneakers, and leather jacket – his usual casual Wednesday look, although it’s only the start of the work week. It wasn’t as if he attended the meetings anyway, he merely drove Pepper to work, came back to bring her late lunch, and right now he was considering persuading her to go home earlier than usual. She needed the rest after all.

“You’re so unromantic, Tony.”

“How am I the one who’s unromantic? I’ve been begging you to go to Venice with me for some alone time and _you’re_ the one who's insisting on bringing my teenage son. To a honeymoon. In Venice.”

“I told you it’s not going to be a honeymoon—”

“Potato, potahto—”

“I thought you wanted to spend time together, so here we are—”

“Pep, I’m not complaining.” He leaned back in his chair again and stretched his legs out, his gaze falling on the barely touched lo mein in front of her. “You know I’d rather spend time with you, 24/7 if I’d have it my way. If I could, I’d even insist on a pregnancy leave starting today, but I know you. You love keeping yourself busy, and I know you just got back today and I could tell you must be swamped. So why am I here?” He furrowed his brows and added as an afterthought, “You’re barely eating, Pep. What do you want to eat, Honey? Any cravings?”

“What happened between you and Peter?”

“Is that why I’m here? And I thought it’s because you’re missing me already and those pregnancy hormones are making you want us to defile your office—”

“Tony.”

“It’s nothing,” he avoided her gaze with the pretense of reaching for another egg roll. “He’s just furious over… something. He’ll get over it, give or take a few days.”

He watched her twirl her lo mein with her chopsticks but before she could even have a bite, she wrinkled her nose and dropped the portion back into its carton.

“Why won’t you tell me what happened?”

“Because I don’t want you to worry.” He was pretty sure his voice was as coaxing as possible because really, he didn’t want her to stress about it. “Stress and worrying is bad for the baby and I’ve decided to devote my energy into making this pregnancy as enjoyable as possible for you.”

He caught her eyeing him suspiciously but his answering smirk probably eased her worry a bit because she smirked back at him in return.

“You know that there will probably come a time in the next few months when I might just throw my shoes at you over something so petty.”

“I know.” Tony grinned at the thought of her Louboutin sailing across the room just because. “And I’m ready for it. I’ll even buy you new ones, lots of those sexy heels that always looked good on your feet but even better wrapped around my waist.”

Pepper simply shook her head defeatedly, muttering “You’re incorrigible,” while Tony laughed heartily at her annoyance. If only Peter was not mad at him, Tony would have been a very satisfied man at that point. Still, he got the woman of his dreams and he was about to have a new baby, it was just impossible that his older kid could stay mad at him for long.

“Hey…”

They both glanced to see Peter shyly peeking behind the door, carrying an Eleven Madison Park bag. The boy was smiling at Pepper who motioned for him to approach them, and Tony couldn’t help but feel invisible as he muttered, “Hey, kid,” which was left unanswered in the air.

“What is that?” Pepper asked as Peter took out the contents of the bag and placed them on her table.

“Tahitian vanilla soufflé,” Peter beamed at her, completely ignoring Tony in the background. “I suggest you dig in while it still holds.”

“Thank you, Peter. That’s really thoughtful.” Pepper smiled at the fragrant smell of citrus and vanilla as she poured the passion fruit syrup. “How, though? EMP doesn’t open until two hours from now.”

“I called in a favor.”

“You really are your father’s son,” Pepper teased the kid amiably.

Peter smiled back at her before leaning forward to kiss her cheek goodbye. “I’m going to R&D, I’ll see you at home,” he told her before heading for the door and pointedly avoiding glancing in Tony’s direction.

The door shut behind Peter and Tony instantly dropped his chopsticks across his dish before leaning defeatedly against his chair. He gazed at Pepper who finally worked up an appetite, thank God for that, and he hated to spoil the mood but he just couldn’t help himself.

“Pep, Honey, I’ve officially become my own worst nightmare.” He saw her raised an eyebrow at him so he added as clarification, “I’ve become my father.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Have you seen Pete?” He vaguely nodded in the direction of the door and sighed in frustration. “He barely looked at me. I’m practically invisible.”

“Oh, you mean like how you treated you own father back then? I see it’s true what they say about the apple and the tree.”

“Honey…”

She stood up not really having a plan in mind other than to comfort Tony but as soon as she approached him and he saw an opening, he pulled her onto his lap and tucked his face into the crook of her neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and he knew that she knew everything that he was not saying out loud.

“You know your father’s not so bad.”

“That’s what Mom said,” he murmured while he let her run her fingers through his hair. “And I wanted to believe that, at least until Dad decided to have me arrested just because I sneaked out when I was grounded.”

“I mean it, Tony.”

He leaned back so he could see her face. She was looking at him intently, as if she was so sure that Howard Stark had been a good father to him.

“What, were you friends? Were you bonding then?” Tony sighed deeply before resting his head against her neck once more, murmuring reminders of how the old man almost broke him and Pepper apart. “Have you forgotten that he wanted to marry me off to his business partner’s daughter?”

* * *

** 23 years ago, August, Brooklyn NY: **

“You’re early!”

Pepper almost literally squealed with joy at the mere fact that Tony Stark actually showed up at her door half an hour before he was even supposed to pick her up. For one, he wasn’t late, and for another, he really was here, picking her up on the way to the Stark Industries’ investors’ dinner party where he would be introducing her, finally, to his father, the great Howard Stark.

It had been six months since she first met Tony and in those six months, she had gotten to know him more and she had proven her theory that he did have layers after all. Gone were the playboy days, the tabloid scandals, the drunken weekends – it was almost as if he was really trying, for her. They were going out but they weren’t really a couple yet, and it wasn’t Tony’s fault. It was Pepper who didn’t want to put a label on it because at the end of the day, Tony was still a Stark. He had this future planned out for him long before he even learned how to walk, and she wasn’t sure if, when the time came, love would be enough. Because sometimes, it wasn’t always enough.

“Yeah, uh, we need to talk.”

“What’s wrong?” Pepper whispered as she swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. Already, she was beginning to regret looking forward to this evening, and she was almost certain that after this night, she wouldn’t be happy whenever she would see the emerald floor-length dress she was wearing hanging in her closet.

“I have to be honest about something here. I don’t think it’s a good idea that I take you to the investors’ party.”

He was avoiding her gaze and somehow, at the back of her mind, she had always known that this thing she had with Tony wouldn’t really last long. Still, even knowing of such possibility did not do anything to soften the blow. And did he really have to break up with her while he looked so fine and heartbreakingly handsome in a tuxedo?

“You don’t want me to meet your father,” was all she managed to say out loud.

“It’s not that. I’m just trying to protect you.”

“From what?”

“I’m… I should have told you this six months ago but…” He looked at her sadly and she had not seen him looking this lost until now. He took a deep breath, as if the next few words were really hard for him to say. “I am to marry Rumiko Fujikawa two years from now. It’s a business arrangement, I don’t even like her because I like you and… and her family will be there at the investors’ party and—”

“I thought you didn’t have a girlfriend…” she cut in and she found it so perplexing that it was all she managed to absorb from his confession.

“I don’t.”

“But you’re engaged?”

“No, no. Not yet…” he shook his head confused. He raised a hand to cup her chin, his gaze fixed on hers. “Pep, I want you. You. Not Rumiko or whoever Dad wants for me. You.”

She took a step back so she could be free from his touch and for a second there, she had thought about slamming the door on his face when understanding dawned on her.

“Are you only bringing me to the party so that you can rebel against your father?”

“No. Weren’t you listening at all?” Tony sounded so frustrated she would have laughed if the situation wasn’t so heartbreaking. “I like you, I really like you, Pep, and I lo—”

She cut him off by placing a finger against his lips, shaking her head at him in warning. Not now, she didn’t want him to tell her that he loved her just because he thought that he had to.

_Not like this, Tony. Not like this._

He took the hand against his lips and kissed her knuckles before rubbing it affectionately. “I thought that by letting them know that I really like you, I’m taking a stand against my father. But I also don’t want my father to get a wind of how serious I am with you because I’m worried that… He’s the most manipulative person I’ve ever met and he could do things… Pep, I don’t want to lose you…”

“So you’re hiding us…” she honestly didn’t know what to feel, she felt equal parts scared and touched.

“Look, I only don’t want to bring you because of Howard, but if you want to go, I’m with you. I just thought that you needed the heads up because Rumiko will be there and—”

“Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this,” she shook her head, ultimately arriving at a decision.

“Okay, maybe we shouldn’t.” He looked at her and he must have seen something in her eyes because he took a step forward and he looked alarmed. “By _this_ , you mean the party, right? Not us?”

“Go… You can’t be late. I’ll just talk to you later.”

“Pep…” He gently tilted her chin so she would meet his gaze because she had been looking at anything but him. “Not even Howard can tell me what to do. Remember that.”

He leaned forward to kiss her but she looked away, nudging her chin from his grasp. She couldn’t look at him, not right now, and all she heard was a deep, frustrated sigh from Tony before he gently kissed her cheek and waited for her to say something.

She closed the door instead, there really was nothing left to say after all.

\---- --- ----

Tony Stark stepped out to the humid August night in front of St. Regis at Fifth Avenue solo. Everywhere around him, the sound of flashing cameras and of the paparazzi shouting at him for photos filled the night and he stood there for a couple of minutes, plastering that media smile he had learned to fake as early as he turned four. He was only here, after all, because of his mother and also, he wanted to give his father a piece of his mind. He had left his heart, if it did exist anyway, somewhere in Brooklyn.

He rushed to get inside and tried to look for his mother before he would make a beeline for the open bar and drink the night away. It had been a while since he got so wasted after all and tonight seemed to be just as good a time as any to bring his old habits back.

“Anthony…” his mother had spotted him almost instantly, and he let her kiss him on the cheek and fix his bowtie. “Where’s Pepper?”

“She’s not coming.”

“Why? Did something happen?”

“Dad happened.” He tilted his chin towards his father who had approached them and was now standing indifferently beside his mother. He looked his father in the eye and he knew he would have hit him in the face by now had his mother not been around. “I told Pepper about Rumiko and _your_ business arrangement with her father. Pepper and I, we’re not even really together yet but I think she already broke up with me. Are you happy now?”

“Anthony…” his mother called him softly but he was seething with anger and he had already walked away, knowing full well that he would have broken the old man’s nose if he didn’t put a distance between them.

Maria Stark couldn’t do anything but watch her son head for the open bar and break his six month-old sobriety. She hadn’t realized that the planned merger with the Fujikawas was still pushing through and her heart broke because Howard had promised her that he would leave their son out of it, and yet…

“What did you do?” she asked Howard and she couldn’t take her eyes off her son who was already on his third, fourth glass; she honestly lost track.

“Nothing that I shouldn’t do. I just reminded your son of his obligations to the company, to the family, to the Fujikawas—”

“Do you hear yourself?” She almost slapped her husband but she stopped midair, years of decorum and social grace winning over her anger. “Anthony is our son… our son who had been sober for six months already until now. The parties, the alcohol, the drugs, the women – all his habits gone because of Pepper Potts. Howard, we’ve tried a lot of things over the years, nothing worked until now. He changed because he really loves her, and I’ve never seen Anthony this happy and this healthy before her. Tell me you’ll do the right thing, tell me you’ll be his father first before anything else.”

Howard may be cold and calculating but his wife had that hold on him that just broke all boundaries. And Tony, he had always been distant but he loved the boy. He didn't know how to show it, but he did love the boy in his own way, there was no question about it…

“Can you handle the guests for a while?” he asked Maria before sparing one last look at his son who had found solace by the bar. “Give me an hour.”

\---- --- ----

Pepper was standing by the dresser and looking frustratingly at the mirror while she removed her earrings. She was still in the green dress but she had decided to finally call it a night after spending a couple of hours just replaying her conversation with Tony in her head. She was just about to change when there was a knock on her door, forcing her to zip up the dress once more to see who could be visiting her at this hour.

Suffice to say that never in a million years did she expect to see Howard Stark himself standing at her door.

“What are you doing here?” She tried but she couldn’t keep the harshness from her voice. What else could he want from her anyway? “Shouldn’t you be—”

“Anywhere but here, yes. So please listen to me, because I’m not in the habit of opening up to people. Even to my family, and especially to my son.”

She hadn’t expected him to sound so… kind, that she was taken aback and for a minute there she truly wondered what his agenda could be. But she decided to hear him out, muttering a soft “Okay…” before the Stark patriarch made his speech.

“When I was your age I would have been lucky to find a girl like you. And I kind of did, only much later on, but the point is, I did. I was very much like Tony then, maybe even worse, and I changed for her. I tried to be someone better because… I wanted to deserve her, and I’d like to believe that the fact that we’re still married to this day means that I must have done something right after all.”

Howard paused and Pepper realized that maybe, Tony’s father was different, too, very different from how the newsreels and the tabloids always painted him to be.

“I’m not sure exactly who my son was, but I know who he’s become since he met you. He returns home every night at a reasonable hour. He doesn’t drink, he doesn’t do drugs. Maria and I, we don’t know if you’re responsible for that but we also don’t think that it’s merely a coincidence.”

“I can’t take credit for Tony’s sobriety—”

“You belong with my son and I think everyone should know that.” Howard smiled kindly at her and Pepper couldn’t help but wish that Tony was here to witness this for himself. It would surely give him some perspective. “Will you come with me to St. Regis?”

“Yes, Mr. Stark. I would love to.”

“Good. And it’s Howard.”

* * *

** Present day, Stark Industries, NY: **

“So that’s why you came to the dinner party after all, and why my almost-engagement was called off…” Tony murmured against her neck, breathing her in and sighing deeply. “I always thought that the company merger failed that’s why the engagement did not push through. I didn’t realize it was the other way around. And I just thought we got lucky.”

“I had no idea that you didn’t know, I should’ve told you earlier.” Pepper muttered pensively as she leaned her head against his, just enjoying the quiet somehow. “I would’ve told you then but your father didn’t—”

“You do love me, Potts…” he cut in, not wanting to discuss his father. “You already do, even then, even that early on.”

“Your father loved you, too, you know?”

He merely shrugged at the comment, wondering if Pepper didn’t get the hint that he didn’t want to talk about his father or if she did get the hint but was merely being just as stubborn as he.

“You know, Pep, I never really believed it whenever you’d tell me you weren’t ready every time I tried to tell you that I love you back then.” He tightened his arms around her waist and the feel of her body gently pressing against his calmed his heart and head. “I just thought you were unsure of me, but apparently you weren’t just really ready then.”

“You’re an idiot for thinking otherwise.”

He smirked when he heard that because he very well knew that Pepper Potts was unlike any other woman. If she told him, ‘you’re an idiot,’ he knew he was a lucky man.

“But you love me…” he murmured, kissing her behind the ear before going down her throat. Briefly, he wondered if Peter had locked the door behind him and he doubted that his son did.

“Hmm, I’m not really sure…” she craned her neck to the side, allowing him better access and now he really hoped that Peter had locked that door. “I’m having your baby and going through the worst morning sickness ever, but I’m doing this just for fun, you know? It had nothing to do with love.”

He wanted to leave a mark on her neck just for that comment alone, but he decided that one poorly placed love bite wouldn’t be worth sleeping on the couch for. He gently skimmed her sides instead, more to soothe her than anything else, really. Because, again, the door was probably unlocked.

“My sarcasm’s rubbing off on you…” he whispered in between kisses.

“Well, more than twenty years of knowing you will do that to a girl.”

“See? This is why I love you.”

“And I, you…” She kissed him deeply before pulling away and sitting back behind her desk, her attention once more on the soufflé Peter had brought for her. “Will you talk to Peter? Get him to attend the September Foundation dinner tomorrow. It's the perfect opportunity for us to start anew, as a family.”

“Will do. Anything for you, for the kid, for the baby… See? I’m being a responsible father and an adoring not-husband.”

“Thank you,” she smiled at him, and he realized he had been seeing more of it lately than he ever did before. He must be doing something right this time around. “I knew there was an adult buried somewhere in you just dying to get out.”

“You wound me, Potts, you know that? Besides, if you need proof of an adult Tony, that’s a very adult thing we did last night… or was it early this morning?”

She was blushing as he smiled lazily at her, and if he could only be certain that she wouldn’t have his head for it, he would have done anything, everything, to persuade her that they defile her office right there and then. She really shouldn’t be tempting him by giving him so much room to work his innuendos in to begin with.

“Go. Now,” she ordered him, recovering. “Or you will be sleeping on the couch tonight.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

He had kissed her and he had disappeared behind the door in record time. Yeah, nobody’s sleeping on the couch tonight.

\---- --- ----

“What do you want, Dad?” Peter asked, barely looking up from his lab table when his father strode inside the R&D department, looking like he owned the place. Change that, he did own the place after all.

“Oh, so you’re talking to me now?” his father glanced around, maybe checking for possible eavesdroppers, but they were basically alone in the area.

“What do you want, Dad?” he repeated, not taking the bait. He still would much rather not talk to his father for now, and the best way to do that would be to ignore his conversation starters and go straight to business. He knew his father after all.

“Pepper is expecting you at the September Foundation dinner tomorrow night, okay? She wants us to start anew… after everything.”

“You mean after the stunt you pulled over the weekend? After you abandoned her and the baby?”

“Yeah, that was what I meant with _everything._ It’s not as if I was trying to be subtle anyway.”

“ _Everything_ didn’t seem enough to cover it,” he retorted, but his father simply waved a hand, letting his counter pass. He didn’t want to go, for all he knew, this was probably just another one of his dad’s attempts to make peace. And Peter did want peace, but not just yet. “I can’t, I already have plans with MJ.”

“So bring her.”

“Dad…” he was just about to say that his father couldn’t keep using Pepper as the buffer between them when his phone started buzzing. He picked it up and one glance at the caller ID made him look suspiciously at his father. “It’s Pepper.”

“I told you she wants you to be at the dinner tomorrow. I didn’t have a hand on it.” His father raised his hands in surrender, trying to drive home the point. “I didn’t make her call you. She just most likely wants to check that I’m here at R&D, telling you that we expect you to join us.”

Peter sighed resignedly but he clutched the phone to his ear nonetheless. “Pepper, hey… Yeah, Dad’s here… Alright, I’ll be there… No, I can’t bring her, she’s visiting a relative in San Francisco… Yeah, I’ll see you at home… Bye, Pepper.”

Peter stashed his phone in his pocket and before his father could even say a single word, he picked up a screwdriver and pointed it at his father.

“If you’re about to make a comment about me lying about having plans with MJ, just don’t Dad.”

His father simply smirked at him before shaking his head. “I was just going to say thank you, kid, for indulging Pepper.”

“Well I couldn’t really say no to her.”

“So thank you, for that and for the soufflé. That was really thoughtful of you. She’s finally eating when I left her.”

“That’s good.”

“Thank you, Pete.”

They stood there awkwardly, trying to see who would break first. But Peter could only twirl the screwdriver in his hand for so long before he softly muttered, “Yeah, it’s nothing,” and walked out of the R&D lab.

\---- --- ----

Workday Tuesday had come and gone, and other than the fact that Tony had been more doting than usual, practically waiting on Pepper hand and foot, the day had passed by rather uneventfully.

So by the time Tony stepped out of his home office after at least half an hour of looking for his favorite cufflinks, a quick glance at the clock in the family room showed that they had about another half hour before they would have to go. With that, he was a bit surprised to run into Peter on his way up the stairs, the boy still casually dressed in one of those science pun shirts and faded jeans, physics book in hand.

“Why aren’t you dressed?” Tony asked, trying so hard not to use his parent voice. This was definitely new territory for them, they rarely disagreed over things and Peter had never really been a stubborn kid. Well, he guessed there’s a first for everything.

“Uh… shirt, pants…” Peter pointed at his clothes like a four year-old would, if only four year-olds could be full of sarcasm, maybe. “Yeah, I’m dressed.”

“You promised Pepper...” he reminded Peter, because ‘it’s for Pepper’ seemed to be the only thing that worked for his son lately. “Look, I know you disapprove of me, but can’t you please do so in a tuxedo? We leave in half an hour.”

“Fine.” Peter let out begrudgingly, going up the stairs ahead of him.

Tony took the next flight of stairs to their bedroom only to stop by the doorway of their walk-in closet, fascinated and awe-stricken by the sight of Pepper Potts. She was standing in front of a full length mirror, in a midnight blue, sequin bustier strapless gown which perfectly accentuated her curves and exposed the freckles on her shoulders and collar bones, while her fiery hair was in a messy fishtail braid swept over to one shoulder. She smiled at him through the mirror while she put on blue sapphire earrings, and for a moment, the very hyperverbal Tony Stark was at a loss for words.

“Are you going to simply stare or are you going to say something about it?” she teased him, breaking the trance he was in.

“I’d like to _do_ something about it, but I’m quite sure you won’t let me right now. Maybe later tonight.” He approached her, slipping his arms around her while he kissed her bare shoulder. “You’re beautiful. You always are, but I feel like I don’t tell you enough.”

“Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Stark?”

“I try not to, Ms. Potts, but it seems like I always do so anyway.” He breathed her in and she smelled of lavender and vanilla and home. He sighed deeply, just trying to get lost in the moment, because no matter how many times he held her close, he kept thinking back to those fifteen years that he lost the chance to do so. “In fact, if you let your guard down, we might be late for a bit because I don’t think I could keep my hands off of you.”

“I’m not letting my guard down, then.”

He smiled quite pensively, reaching out to gently rub her left hand while he tried to catch her gaze through the mirror. “You know the engagement ring would go very well with the rest of your outfit.”

She was quiet, the way she always ended up being whenever he would bring up the topic of getting married and somehow, he was starting to wonder why. If she could marry Killian just because she didn’t want him to find out about L.A., why couldn’t she just say yes to him right now?

“I’m sure it would… But the timing’s not right…”

She was avoiding his gaze under the guise of reaching for the velvet box sitting on the dresser on their right and he knew he might as well kiss that topic goodbye for the night. And so he kissed her cheek gently, carefully so as not to smudge the wonderful work she had done concealing the still healing cut on her cheek from two days ago, before letting go of her to select a bowtie that matched her dress.

“Should we really not tell Pete?” he asked out of the blue which earned him a questioning look from Pepper through the mirror. “About his brother.”

“Do you want to tell him?”

“Yes and no. Yes because if we really want to start over, I feel like we should lay all the cards on the table.”

“And no because?”

He took the sapphire and gold link necklace and put it on for her, all the time avoiding the pensive look she was giving him because all he could think about in answer to her question was, _I’m really scared of what Peter would think of me._

“We’re doing this for him, right?” was what he told her instead.

“We are, I think.” Pepper told him, turning and stepping close to him to smooth the lapels of his suit before fixing his tie. “Peter is young, he’s fourteen, he doesn’t need the ghost of his brother over his head. He doesn’t need the guilt and neither should he have any.”

“So we’re doing this for him.”

“We are.”

“I just feel guilty sometimes, oftentimes. I feel like we’re keeping Andros a secret not for Peter’s sake but because we both know the kid will judge me.”

There, he said it out loud after all.

“Even if we do tell him, he won’t judge you.” She adjusted his tie one last time before lightly touching his face. “What brought this on?”

“I am just thinking that if the kid could get mad at me, like what’s going on right now, over something so much more forgivable… Can you imagine how he would react if he finds out about his brother?”

“He’s a smart kid, he’ll understand. Plus, you’re his hero.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” How could Pepper be so calm about this? It baffled him. “You know I never expected that between us two, you’ll be the one who’s so naïve.”

She eyed him contemplatively and he hated the frown that creased her features. “You don’t think he’ll understand?”

“I’m just saying he might never look at me again.”

He looked at her as she gave the matter some thought while she distractedly took out his pocket square to change the one tip up fold he had intentionally made to a presidential fold he knew she much preferred. In spite of the severity of the issue, he couldn’t help but smile – she really had not changed a bit, always tasteful and proper, always in control.

“Los Angeles wasn’t your fault, Tony,” she assured him as she ran her hands over his suit, smoothening the lapels as she went along.

“Are you sure? Because no matter how I look at it, it seems like it was.”

“I was there in L.A., so yes, I’m sure.”

He sighed deeply and shook his head resignedly. “I’m only realizing now that I must have given Dad quite the headache back then. If Peter’s anything like me, even a tiny bit just as stubborn, I should be scared.”

“Don’t be.” She kissed him chastely, careful not to leave a lipstick mark against his lips. “For one, you are not your father, you’re better. And besides, Peter’s indiscretions are so PG compared to yours. You have nothing to worry about.”

“I feel like you praised me and then you just insulted me.”

“I know,” she smiled at him wickedly. She could really do that to him sometimes. “I love you.”

\---- --- ----

“I’m just so glad the funding for the MIT students are coming in steadily,” Pepper remarked as they sat through the dinner hosted by SI’s September Foundation. “You know…” she prefaced, eyeing the Brass Rat that his father had been sporting on his right ring finger. “You should probably take Peter with you when you announce the grant at MIT.”

“Would you like to go, kid?” his father asked tentatively, probably gauging his reaction because he had been monosyllabic all night.

“Uh-huh,” Peter shrugged noncommittally while he uninterestingly poked his rack of lamb stuffed with exotic mushrooms.

“You’re barely touching your food,” Pepper stated the obvious while glancing worriedly in his direction. “Why? Don’t you like it? Would you like to go home instead? We can order in pizza.”

That was when Peter realized that Pepper had no idea what the feud between him and his father was about. He briefly wondered why, was it because his father did not want Pepper to worry or was it because his dad wanted to hide yet another thing again?

_Just like the way he keeps hiding my other sibling._

“I’m not eating until someone apologizes,” the words were out of his mouth before he could even rethink it and Peter knew he must have sounded like a spoiled six year-old. He actually didn’t care if he did.

“Do you really want to do this right now?” his father asked unusually calmly, it was actually scarier. For a moment there, Peter was so thankful they had the table to themselves and that Pepper was at least here with them. “Fine. I’ve already apologized but if you want me to, again, fine. For which indiscretion this time? Because there have been so many.”

“Tony…” Pepper warned, reaching out to hold his father’s left hand.

And as much as Peter really hated upsetting her, he was just so frustrated at his father right now and it seemed to trump everything else. He crossed his arms, defiantly looking at his father across the table, “For last Saturday.”

“I already apologized for that—”

“To me, yes, but to Pepper?”

“I did that, too.” His father nodded in Pepper’s direction and Peter couldn’t get a read on him. “Honey, back me up here.”

“Peter…” Pepper was so calm even if she probably wanted to smack both their heads beneath that graceful smile of hers. “Tony and I have talked about what happened and—”

“You took her for granted, you keep taking her for granted,” Peter cut in, even if there was that little voice inside his head which kept telling him that he was being rude, cutting Pepper off and referring to her in the third person. Damn, deeply ingrained politeness, but he was not letting his father use Pepper as a buffer, again.

“I did, okay? I know I did. I’m not perfect, I’m sorry.” His father was past being defensive, he was just self-deprecating. It was very painful to watch. “Pete, kid, you know that I’m trying, I really am. Please, forgive me?”

Peter tensed his jaw in frustration and he would have dragged it longer if not for Pepper. She was eyeing him sadly and while he was angry at his father, she should be as well, all the more. And if she could forgive his father just like that…

“I’ll take it under consideration…” There was snark in his voice and he was quite sure that his father would recognize that all too familiar tone as well.

“Okay…” Pepper sighed deeply, clearly hating the fact that all so suddenly she was the mediator between him and his father. “Why don’t we talk about something else?”

“Sure. How was your trip to Cornwall?” Peter asked nonchalantly although he was eyeing his father knowingly. “I haven’t been to this secret property.”

The unease between the two adults was almost tangible that Peter really began to wonder what happened in Connecticut. The unmissable guilt was still in his father’s eyes, after all.

“I thought I already told you about it in Malibu…” His father was looking at him, and though his voice seemed so calm, Peter began to wonder if maybe he had really pushed it too far this time.

“You did, I just wanted to know what Pepper thought of it. If you had treated her kindly during the trip,” Peter gave her a small but meaningful smile, although he also wondered if she could read him and what he really wanted to ask – _What did Dad do to you in Cornwall?_

A quick glance at Pepper made Tony decide that he had had enough. If Peter set out to punish him by ruining the evening, the kid should have had the sense to leave Pepper out of it. He gently squeezed Pepper’s hand and tried to reassure her, before looking at Peter firmly.

“Pete, sidebar?”

Peter nodded, looking chastised, and made his way towards the far end of the room in search of an empty balcony, but not before muttering a soft, “I’m sorry, Pepper…” Tony, on the other hand, was finally able to breathe, releasing a sigh he hadn’t realized he had been holding.

“Honey, I’m so sorry,” was all he managed to say. All he could think about at the moment was, whatever happened to his plan of a stress-free pregnancy for her?

“Don’t worry about me. Just go and talk to your son.” Pepper was already shooting a message to Happy before he could even protest. “Happy will drive me home, I’d like to lie down already anyway. But I’ll stay up and wait for you, okay? Bring the kid home.”

“I love you,” Tony kissed her then pulled away, even if he would much rather not do.

“I know, I love you, too.”

\---- --- ----

“What was that about?”

Tony tried, he really tried to rein in his anger because the last thing he and Peter needed was a heated conversation the Howard Stark way. But the kid was being a pain in the ass and he had to consciously make an effort to remind himself that this was Peter, and the kid’s transgressions did not even hold a candle to teenage Tony Stark’s after all.

“What? I was just asking about your trip to Cornwall. I’ve never been to our secret property, I thought it would be a nice topic for conversation,” Peter explained quite innocently and Tony almost bought that brown eyed puppy look except he knew that look too well. Hell, _he_ invented that look.

“Pete, just…” Tony trailed off, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath. “You can stop now.”

“Why, is there anything you don’t want to talk about? Are you worried we might discuss something that we shouldn’t?”

_Andros._

Did Peter know about his brother? Or was the kid simply fishing? Yeah, the kid’s probably just fishing. There was just no way for him to know…

“Look…” Tony went on, treading very carefully. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but whatever it is that you think you know, I’m going to stop you right there. Don’t pursue it. You’re making Pepper upset.”

For a second there, Tony wanted to take back his words. There was nothing more that could make the kid pursue this harder than telling him directly not to pursue it. It was a reverse psychology kind of thing but make it fundamentally more annoying. He probably made a mistake there, but he could still hope that Peter would actually listen to him this time.

“Is it Pepper who’s upset or you?”

“Why are you being so worked up about this?”

“Because after what you did, you don’t deserve Pepper and this baby…” Peter started to get teary eyed and Tony just didn’t understand what was going on anymore. “And I’m not sure if you realized that. And I’m worried that if you didn’t, you will keep making the same mistakes until you lose them both and we’ll never see them again and…”

Tony’s first instinct was to stay rooted to the spot where he was standing and just let the kid cry it out before he explained anything after. But that was Howard’s way, and he grew up thinking that the ‘Stark men are made of iron’ line best explained why his own father never hugged him, never consoled him, never reached out to him. But Tony was not his father, and Peter was not Tony.

“Hey… Come here…” he approached the boy and hugged him close, and after everything that happened, all so suddenly, Peter seemed so young again. It almost felt like he was hugging that five year-old kid once more who cried inconsolably during the very first time a simple experiment of his had gone wrong. Peter was just so young, still so young after all.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, kid.” He whispered, rubbing the kid’s back pacifyingly. “I know I don’t deserve her, you don’t need to remind me of that. My nightmares are enough reminders to tell the truth, and just seeing how much she loves you reminds me of that, too.”

Peter untangled from his embrace to lean against the balcony, not really doing anything other than quietly watching him. He waited for the kid to say something but when it became obvious that there wouldn’t be any, Tony went on, not because he wanted to defend himself but because there were things that Peter needed to understand.

“I have realized the fact that Pepper’s too good for me a long time ago… but about Morgan, what I deserve is open for debate. I want you to understand that there’s a difference between judging what I deserve based on my mistakes and deciding what I deserve based on something I haven’t had the chance to deal with just yet.”

“You mean Morgan…” Peter smiled cynically at him. “You mean you haven’t screwed up being a father to Morgan.”

Tony could almost hear the _just yet_ part of that statement and the mere fact that it was coming from Peter honestly broke his heart.

“Did I screw up being your father, Pete? I know I’m not perfect, there was no manual, but I did the best that I could. So did I?” He smiled sadly at the kid because he could almost imagine his younger self glaring at Howard with those same brown eyes. “If you say yes, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Dad… You didn’t.” Peter said it so softly that Tony wasn’t quite sure he heard him right. “You’re the best.”

“But?”

“But I’m just sorry that having me made you lose—”

“Pete, you know that’s not true.”

He never did lose Andros because of Peter. It was all on him - the decisions he made both for him and for Pepper, the phone calls he missed, the signs he should’ve picked up on…

“I know I failed as a father. In a way, I also failed your mother because I was unfair as a husband. And I’ll be lying if I tell you that I will never fail again, but I want you to know that I’m trying my best. For Pepper, for you, for Morgan…”

“You didn’t fail, Dad.”

 _I failed Andros_ , that was actually what he wanted to tell the kid but he couldn’t. He wanted to, but he couldn’t.

“I failed you, Peter. Last weekend, I did.” It hurt, but there was something so liberating just having said that and deep down, Tony knew it was the truth. “You have high expectations of me and I failed you. When I made Pepper leave, I did not just abandon her and the baby, I failed you as well. And you’re right, I already failed Morgan and the baby’s not even here yet. So yes, after what happened over the weekend, you have all the right to be angry at me.”

“Okay...”

“Okay?” Tony asked, because not to brag but that was quite a speech. Hell, if not for his son’s fuming anger, he would’ve been impressed at himself, that whole declaration was the antithesis of being Tony Stark after all. Not to mention that he was hoping to at least hear an ‘I understand,’ or an ‘I forgive you, Dad,’ but there was nothing.

“Pepper must be waiting for you. Let’s just go home, Dad.”

* * *

** 25 years ago, 19th Precinct, Manhattan NY: **

“Tony, let’s go home.”

It was almost three in the morning when Tony stepped out of the precinct and followed his father to the back of the waiting limo. The whole night had been a bust – he stepped out to grab a quiet drink on his own, and then there was a brawl which he wasn’t even a part of, and then the police showed up, and it so happened that he had a joint sticking between his fingers at the time. He ended up at the precinct at nine in the evening, and it quite surprised him that it only took Howard six hours to bail him out. To be honest, he wouldn’t put it past his father to make him stay there the whole night.

“How was the company party?” he asked the old man in an attempt to break the deafening silence inside the car.

When it became clear that he wouldn’t be getting any response from his father, he entertained himself with the thought that Howard must have been so inconvenienced by his arrest. It was almost three in the morning after all, and he couldn’t help but smirk at the thought.

“You know, Dad, I tried to tell the officers who I am and for a while there, I thought they were calling you. But I know they didn’t, because I was arrested anyway.”

He chuckled at the hazy memory because if the officers had really called his father, they would have been paid to let him go and everything would be wrapped and tied neatly with a bow without the media ever knowing that anything remotely close to a Tony Stark arrest ever happened. He knew there was a reason why this was his first and only arrest after all, because if cops had not been paid before and a handsome donation to the precinct wasn’t given a few months ago, his rap sheet would have been as thick as a phonebook by now.

“They did call me, Tony,” Howard replied in the cold, even voice that was both his parent voice and his businessman voice.

“What?” Did he even hear his father right? The thought effectively and immediately sobered Tony up right on the spot. “You had me arrested?”

“I _let_ them arrest you,” Howard clarified as if he was just going through the fine print of yet another business proposal. “I did not send the cops after you. They found you, they called me, and I said they can take you.”

“Huh, semantics. So I sneaked out when I’m grounded and then you had me arrested.” Tony laughed unfeelingly and there was nothing but hurt in his eyes. “Way to go, Dad. You set the bar high this time. I mean what’s next? A correctional facility?”

“You forced me to do this. I just hope you learned your lesson.”

“That my father’s crazier than I ever imagined?”

“When you’re a father you will understand that you have to make decisions that don’t always win you points for popularity.”

“Please...” Tony sneered. “When I’m a father I will be nothing like you. I won’t send the NYPD after my son just because he sneaked out and broke curfew.”

“Yes. You say that now. But just wait.”

Tony shook his head before crossing his arms in front of him and retreating to the far end of the limo. “You blame me for everything,” he muttered, not really intending for his father to hear it but not caring either if he did.

“And you accept responsibility for nothing.” Howard was unfazed, but then again, there was nothing new about it. “You have to get your act together. There’s a company that will soon rely on you and then there’s your mother, who keeps worrying about you.”

“Mom’s the reason why it only took you six hours to bail me out, isn’t she? Because if it were up to you, I’d still be there by morning.”

“We don’t need another PR nightmare, Tony.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Tony muttered before finally dozing off as the car slipped into the night.

* * *

** Present day, Manhattan NY: **

Tony closed the door behind him while he watched Peter went ahead of him quietly. The kid had been quiet the entire drive home but neither was he fuming anymore. All in all, Peter was probably just tired, anger would do that to anyone once the initial adrenaline rush subsided, never mind the fact it was only half-past ten in the evening.

The hesitation that Peter had as soon as they caught sight of Pepper lounging on the family room couch, obviously waiting for them, was not lost on Tony. He knew that the kid knew that he had made Pepper upset, and since at the back of Peter’s mind there was still that little voice that kept reminding him that despite her kindness, Pepper, still, wasn’t really his mother, Tony understood the hesitation. But this was Pepper, and Tony could only love her even more when she smiled kindly at his son and motioned for him to approach her.

To tell the truth, Tony was a bit surprised when Peter practically ran into Pepper’s arms and hugged her while murmuring quiet apologies. Pepper caught his eye and offered him a small smile while she gently stroke Peter’s back in an attempt to reassure the kid. Tony smiled back, and he was again reminded that he never really deserved her.

“I’m really sorry,” Peter whispered loud enough for Tony to hear when he pulled away from Pepper’s embrace.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it…” She swept away the stubborn curls that had reached Peter’s eyes and she must have seen something in them, eyes so similar to Tony’s that it probably reminded her of the rebel kid she met twenty two years ago. “It’s okay, Peter, no harm done. Now, what do you want for breakfast tomorrow?”

That made the kid smile and to Tony, it felt like it had been ages since he last saw that shy but playful kind.

“I still want the waffles.”

“Of course you do.”

“Good night, Pepper,” Peter leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. Pepper watched him go upstairs before she met Tony’s gaze.

“At least the kid appreciates one of us,” Tony observed as he tossed his tie, suit jacket, and cufflinks on the coffee table. He then rolled up his sleeves as he sat beside Pepper, putting his arms around her so she could rest her head against his chest. It had been a long night, and all Tony really wanted right now was to stop and hold her close, and perhaps, eventually, get lost in her kisses and her touch.

“How was the car ride home?” she asked after kissing him deeply, the kind that made him never want to let go, and the soft feel of the silk robe she was wearing was not doing anything to help his restraint at all.

“It was brutal.” He sighed tiredly, feeling the need to clarify because Pepper looked concerned and he knew that he really should stop stressing her out and giving her reasons to worry. “Peter was quiet the entire time, and I kept having horrible Howard flashbacks from that time he took me home after bailing me out of the precinct.”

“Which time?”

“It happened one time, Potts. Just one time.” Pepper chuckled lightly at his retort and he couldn’t help but feign being offended. “What, you thought I had a rap sheet?”

“I’m just thinking that maybe you looked handsome in that mugshot anyway.”

“There was no mugshot, no rap sheet,” Tony muttered pensively, the bittersweet relationship he had with his father somewhat resurfacing once more. He had been having a lot of those lately. “I was arrested because Dad wanted to teach me a lesson, and yet, somehow, he felt the need to take all evidences of that night away. He cleared my name, almost as if that night never happened. He basically protected me in his own weird way.”

He dipped his head a bit just so he could kiss her behind the ear and nuzzle her hair. “Thank you,” he whispered in between the light kisses he was planting on her neck, “For telling me about Dad, about the night of the investors’ party.”

“I would’ve told you sooner, but I didn’t know that you had no idea.” She was quiet for a while, probably debating if she should bring it up but she did so anyway. “Why didn’t you tell me that you and Peter have been fighting over what happened over the weekend?”

“I didn’t want to worry you, and I honestly thought that if Peter saw that we’re okay, he’d let the thing go.”

“And were you able to fix things?”

“I’m not sure. He’s so angry at me for abandoning you, even if it was just for a couple of days. I couldn’t blame him, really. Even I’m still angry at me.”

“You didn’t. It doesn’t count, Tony.”

“Well according to Peter it does.” He sighed defeatedly but there really was no point arguing. “I failed my kids, Pep. I failed Peter when I doubted you, and I failed Morgan when I made you leave... And we both know how much I failed Andros.”

“That’s not true...”

“I’m not really sure anymore. At the end of it, Peter’s really more upset at me than angry. Between upset and angry, I’m not sure which I hated more.”

“Let me talk to him...” Pepper offered and any other day, Tony would’ve agreed in a heartbeat, but not this time.

“Pep, no...”

“I insist, Tony.”

“No. Trust me on this one. I think... I think Peter needs me to be the one to fix things this time around.”

He could sense that she didn’t want to let it go, but in the end she agreed to do so anyway. “You’ll let me know if there’s anything I can do?”

“I will, although you’re already doing a lot. You’ve been so good to him tonight, I don’t know how to thank you.”

“You don’t have to.” She shifted so she could press her body closer to him and she could rest her head against his neck, breathing him in. “Somehow, he’s always been mine, too, you know.”

“Still, thank you. And again, I’m sorry about tonight, Honey,” he muttered softly while he singlehandedly untied her robe and slipped his hand beneath her night gown so he could feel her still flat belly. “How are you feeling? How’s Morgan?”

“It’s still too early to feel anything, Tony,” she sort of chided him but his hands would not be deterred. “And I’m still not naming the baby Morgan.”

“It’s still debatable.”

She turned a bit so he could kiss her, and kiss her he did. His hands began to roam her waist, down to her hips, but before his hands could go any further, she pulled away and reached for the small envelope sitting on the coffee table.

“I was going to give this to you earlier tonight, but I didn’t expect tonight’s hysterics so...” She handed him the envelope but he looked at it hesitantly, not moving even a single muscle to take it from her. “If you tell me that you didn’t like being handed things, even things coming from me, I swear, I will leave you.”

“You don’t need to do that,” he quite petulantly answered as he took the envelope from her. He opened it and saw the sonogram photo dated from just a week ago.

“I know you said that you don’t want to miss out on anything this time around, but a sonogram was necessary when I had the paternity test done and—”

“That’s our baby...” he whispered, holding the photo in his hand as if it was the most important thing he would ever own. “Pep, this is Morgan...”

He reached out to her, pulling her in and tucking her to his side, letting her drape her body over his, while his other hand held the photo for them to see. He kissed her temple and he noticed that Pepper had been quietly sobbing, prompting him to place the photo back on the table so he could wrap both his arms protectively around her.

“Are you okay? Honey, what’s wrong?”

“I just... I just thought of Andros... I remember going home one night to his nursery and all I could think of was how you would have reacted if I showed you the sonogram photos...” she paused, sounding so uncertain which made him wonder why. “I used to just imagine this, you know?”

“I’m sorry...” because that was all Tony could really say or do. He had prepared himself for the fact that this pregnancy would bring back memories of the child they lost, and the worst thing about it was that it was something that he couldn’t protect her from. He had never felt so powerless. “I’m here, Honey... I’m here now. I got you...”

He let her cry it out, because he really didn’t know what to do or what to say. He just held her, whispering reassurances that this time it would be different, that this time she would have him around, that this time she would never be alone again...

“Are you okay?” he asked when her sobs eventually quieted down. “Are you and Morgan okay?”

“Yes... The baby’s fine, and everything seems normal so far...”

“That’s good. How far along are you, Pep? When are we expecting Morgan?”

“As early as mid-September to early October. I’m almost eight weeks.”

“Hmm... It was the night of the fundraiser concert...” He wiggled his brows at her suggestively and he knew that plastered on his face was that shit-eating grin. “I did the math, Pep, of course I’d do the math. It was the night of the concert. I mean, I knew the sex was amazing... and one for the books... but apparently I was _that_ good. All five times.”

“Tony...”

“Right? Right?”

“Oh God.”

“Exactly!” He couldn’t help but grin. He loved teasing her and embarrassing her, although a primitive part of his brain wanted to know what his _best moves_ were. It sounded petty, really, but he was just really wired that way. “Those were your exact words, Honey. ‘Oh God,’ uttered in varying inflections depending on the intensity and the speed and the—”

“Stop, please, Tony, just stop—”

“That, too! Although we both know that’s just code for fas—”

She kissed him and rightfully so because it was the only way that he would probably shut up. He pulled her onto his lap, his hands already slipping beneath her gown while he kissed her deeply, unhurriedly, possessively.

“I am so glad Peter invited you to that fundraiser...” he murmured as he kissed her neck, tracing his way down with his lips while his hands roamed not quite aimlessly. “I am so glad you ran away from your own wedding...”

“You do realize that you owe your kid so much?” Pepper told him as she tried to stop his ministrations probably because said kid might catch them on the couch anytime. Still, he was a man on a mission.

“I do... Maybe I’ll buy the entire Star Wars franchise for him... that’ll solve our problems.”

“Tony...” she sighed breathlessly, her grip tightening around his arms. “Please stop... I mean it, it’s not...”

“Okay, okay.” He pulled away from her, out of breath and, he realized now, overdressed. He was still in his slacks and dress shirt after all. “What’s wrong?”

_Didn't she want this? First, she doesn't want to marry me and now this?_

She shook her head no, and she looked so embarrassed he could kiss her for that reason alone, but she also looked definitely exhausted. Somehow, it bothered him that she didn’t tell him she was tired or that she didn’t tell him no right off the bat because this looked exactly like fifteen years ago to him, but he filed that thought for later.

“Your kid might see us.”

“You’re right, and even if you don’t tell me, I know you’re tired.” He leaned back against the couch and pulled her closer, letting her rest her head against his chest while his arms wrapped tightly around her. “I love you... I feel like I don’t tell you that enough.”

“You do show it, and that’s what’s important.”

“I know... But I should make more of an effort. I should tell you whenever I can, like right now. So... Honey, I love you.”

“I love you...” she whispered dreamily.

He held her for a while, lazily tracing her spine through her robe until he couldn’t bear it anymore. He probably should save this for another time, it had been a really long night already after all, but he wanted to know why. So he was going to ask her again, and if she avoided the question once more, he would not let her get away with it.

“Pep, marry me...”

The only answering sound from the quiet night was the gradual evening out of her breaths as she finally dozed off. Resignedly, he filed that question away as well, but for when? He really hoped it wouldn’t be for long, even if it seemed to him that she had been avoiding that question like the plague. He had to pursue this, it was the only way he could keep her after all, the only way he could be sure she would never leave again without him knowing.

He then carefully scooped her in his arms and carried her to their bedroom, an unexpected thought crossing his mind as he laid her on the bed and watched her sleep peacefully.

He smirked at the thought, but Pepper wouldn’t be sleeping here in his bed if one particular investors’ party had turned out rather differently. So, what the hell.

_For what it’s worth, thank you, Dad. And you’re right, she does belong with me._

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here. After weeks of staring at my laptop, I finally willed this chapter into existence. Finally. Because I got sooooo sidetracked, with work and with other things.
> 
> Anyway, if all goes well (meaning, if I don't change my mind or the inspiration doesn't change), here's something about the next chapter. **Chapter 20's title is "The Nursery."**
> 
> Also, nothing is set in stone but... depending on how wordy I get, this fic will probably last until Chapter 25-30? But we'll see. Part of me wants to see Morgan, you know? And I still love it too much to let go of it right now. What do you think of a multi-chapter follow up maybe with the title, **"The Next Fifteen Years"**?
> 
> I'd also like you to know that I will be away for two to three weeks (for higher academic growth, to tell the truth), so Chapter 20 will probably be live by September at the earliest. Still, I hope you stick with me. 🥺🙏🏻
> 
> Anyway, thoughts on this chapter? Sue me, shoot me, but I liked the Howard & Pepper part. And I don't know, Peter getting dumbstruck because all so suddenly he has a mother-figure around who prepares his breakfast, as basic as it may sound, was a close second. And basically anything that’s got Tony & Pepper as an old married couple, never mind the fact that Pepper seemed to be avoiding the marriage factor. ❤


	20. The Nursery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I could see our future together, this picture of what our lives were going to be like and it feels like I’ve been burgled and I have to live in this stupid angry version of the world where the person I adore, my best friend in the world can’t even look at me and where I can’t look at myself...” —Duncan Macmillan, Lungs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long author's note, sorry:
> 
> Hey, you. Just leaving a **WARNING** here because a good portion of the chapter deals with Pepper’s post-accident experience and coping with the aftermath of losing a baby. I know this can be a triggering issue for some or an uncomfortable topic for others at the very least, but I really tried to make this as sensitive as it is realistic. I guess I should disclose that a big part of my day job actually involves counseling expectant mothers whose babies have very poor prognosis at birth and those who have suffered (so many) previous pregnancy losses, and even if I don’t have kids of my own, I've been doing this for over six years now to know enough of what these women go through. Although, I have to admit, even if you clocked as many hours as you possibly could listening to them, it would never come close to the feeling of actually being in their shoes. I'm hoping that the only infraction I made was that it might be OOC for Pepper, but I hope the chapter's empathic enough to mothers who went through the same.
> 
> So... this is for all those babies born sleeping and for those little angels who did make it to the world but couldn't stay long... and for the mothers who loved them against all odds. ❤
> 
> I give you ~20K+ worth of update, because it's been a while. I hope that, in spite of the chapter’s somber mood and length, you enjoy reading. ❤
> 
> P.S. I'm still not over Chadwick Boseman's passing as I type this in the drafts (started typing this that fateful August day when the news came out). Rest in Power, King. You can now run forever with your ancestors.💔💜

** Present day, March, Manhattan NY: **

“I thought we’re going baby stuff shopping, Honey?” Tony asked amusedly as they stepped out of Saks along Fifth Avenue, a number of shopping bags in his hand and Pepper on his other arm.

It was a chilly March afternoon, that perfect time when the weather would transition from winter to spring, and in Tony’s opinion, the perfect weekend to step out and be seen. Yes, the goal was _to be seen_. It was another one of his protective preemptive measures, similar to what he did when Peter was growing up but with a quite opposite goal in mind. He still hated the idea of being relentlessly pursued by the media, and there was no way in hell that he would announce Pepper’s pregnancy anytime soon just so the press could hound her and put her on baby watch, but he knew that somehow, they needed to be seen together. Out, often, in public, and not only during the usual exclusive functions and fundraisers.

Because while the public absolutely adored Tony for Pepper, the Aldrich Killian debacle was still a bit fresh in everyone’s minds. More importantly, the timing of Pepper's pregnancy might eventually start some nasty rumors. Not that Tony actually ever gave a damn about what people thought of him, but he knew that Pepper did; she almost certainly would worry about public image and reputations and Tony didn’t want her to stress about it. That and the fact that he didn’t want anyone, anyone to ever doubt Morgan’s paternity. No, Tony Stark would never ever allow that to happen. Hence, the public display of togetherness.

“Tony, all shopping eventually leads to shoe shopping,” Pepper replied patiently, very much oblivious to Tony's ulterior motive for stepping out that afternoon. “Besides, it’s quite early to buy baby stuff anyway, not to mention that the press would have a field day if they see us carrying baby bags.”

“Honey, we can start building the nursery. We’ll just have the stuff delivered so we won’t be seen carrying those baby brands and have the sales people sign NDAs. It’s that simple.”

That was his other goal for the afternoon, building the nursery. He already got the room ready and repainted and babyproofed, all part of his surprise for Pepper. Now if they could only start choosing some furniture...

“It’s not that simple, Tony.”

“It can be _that_ simple. I am making it that simple.” He leaned sideways to press a gentle kiss on her cheek as they passed by onlookers who had not even bothered to conceal the phone cameras trained in their direction. “Come on, Pep. I’m excited to finally do baby stuff with you, like picking a crib and a bassinet and a car seat... We can buy baby clothes later when we know if it’s a boy or a girl.”

“Tony...”

“Although, remember, in my dream, it’s a baby girl? I think we’re having a girl. I was right after all when I told you you're pregnant.” Tony went on, smiling widely, his heart feeling very light, and with an obvious spring in his steps. “I’m so excited to go baby stuff shopping, to install a car seat in the A8, to attend those Lamaze classes with you... I just can’t believe that after fifteen, twenty years, I’m finally doing this with you, Pep... It’s finally happening.”

He smiled expectantly at her and he was so engrossed with the idea of finally being able to do all these baby preparations with her that he had not realized that she had been quiet after some time, too quiet to tell the truth. He glanced at her but she was not looking back at him. Instead, she was staring blankly ahead, her eyes were a darker shade of blue than usual, all big and looking so distant. It was almost as if he lost her for a minute there, that pensive look she was wearing was definitely something that he didn’t like seeing.

“Honey, is something wrong?” he whispered as he kissed her temple hoping to bring her back to him. “Are you feeling okay?”

It took a minute, but she did snap out of it, of whatever reverie she was temporarily pulled in. They had stopped walking and she sighed deeply, her gaze downcast while she dabbed at the corner of her eye. She probably thought he wouldn’t notice but he did, and Tony knew that it wouldn’t be best to ask her about it now. It could wait, he didn’t need to pester her about it and the last thing she probably needed was to feel cornered into telling him the truth.

“I’m fine, Tony. Can we... Can we just go home now?” She gave him a small smile, but he had known her for over twenty years now that he knew a fake smile when he saw one.

“Was it something I said?” He couldn’t help but ask even as he was already replaying the transcript in his head.

“No, don’t worry. I’m fine, but I just really want to lie down for a bit. I’m feeling exhausted.”

“Okay...” He furrowed his brows, more out of concern than guilt this time. “Stay here so you wouldn’t have to walk farther. I’ll get the car.”

\---- --- ----

“What happened to her?” Peter asked, coming up from the basement workshop only to find his father sitting in an armchair and working on his Stark Pad while Pepper slept on the couch.

His father looked up from his schematics and eyed him, obviously studying his mood. It had been a little over a week since their dinner confrontation after all and while he would much rather not talk to his father just yet, Peter always attempted a civil front whenever Pepper’s around. Lately, Pepper was the only thing that he and his father seemed to agree about.

“She said she’s tired and that she wanted to lie down, so we went home early...” His father glanced at Pepper worriedly and Peter could tell that there’s something more that was going on. Whether or not his father actually knew about it was a separate question in itself. “We were strolling for a few blocks, it must have exhausted her.”

“Why would you do that?” His father raised his eyebrows at him so he went on. “Why were you strolling along Fifth Avenue anyway? You know she should be resting, not to mention the press… I’ve already seen your photos by the way.”

“Photos? Already?”

“Well, PageSix has a dedicated ‘spotted’ map on their website just for you guys.”

“Okay, before you say that I’m being irresponsible, hear me out first.”

Great, another heated conversation between him and his father coming right up. His dad sighed deeply, obviously trying to extend that patience that Peter had been wearing thin since a week ago.

“The people need to get used to seeing us together because same people will eventually talk,” Tony explained slowly, as if Peter would have a hard time comprehending it and he had forgotten the fact that he actually had a genius for a son. “Given the timing, they might question Morgan’s paternity and I don’t want that. I’m not going to allow that.”

“So let me get this straight,” Peter placed a finger on his lips, trying to look thoughtful albeit with a whole lot of sarcasm. “Other people have no right to question Morgan’s paternity but when _you_ had doubts if Morgan’s really yours, I was supposed to be understanding? Wow.”

His father’s head snapped so quickly and he looked at him intently while Peter simply tensed his jaw, challenging his father’s stare. No, there was just no way that Peter would allow him to forget about what he did almost two weeks ago. Not yet, not anytime soon.

“You’re still angry at me, I get it, so I’m just going to let that slide for now. But still, I’ll apologize once more,” his father muttered, looking at him imploringly. “I’m sorry, kid. Again. I know I failed you, I failed Morgan, and I hurt Pepper. I’m sorry, and I’m trying to do better.”

“You must have that line memorized by now.” Peter crossed his arms, quietly but defiantly, as he nodded in Pepper’s direction. “Did she know about this? Did you tell her about your motive behind that afternoon stroll?”

“I didn’t want to stress her about it.”

“Yeah, Dad, because lying and keeping secrets always work out well for you.”

_Why don’t you tell the truth for once, Dad? You very well know how secrets between you and Pepper always turn out to be._

“Just exactly, what are you driving at, Pete?” his father asked and was that anxiety or concern in his old man’s eyes? “I’m not keeping any secrets from Pepper, and neither does she to me. Not anymore. And this PR move? As much as I’d want to tell her about it, I don’t think I should. She has enough to worry about as it is.”

“Worry about what?” Was something wrong with her? Or with his unborn sibling?

“She’s been… really anxious about this pregnancy,” his father explained tiredly and Peter felt himself softening up a bit. “She’s only barely ten weeks and although everything seems fine, she’s almost always worrying. She tries to hide it from me, but I’ve lost count on how many times I’ve walked in on her quietly crying over a hypothetical fear or two.”

“I didn’t know…” Peter muttered quietly, all traces of anger against his father gone for the moment. “I’m sorry, Dad…”

His father merely nodded and placed his tablet on the table before eyeing him thoughtfully. He simply looked apologetic, he didn’t even look angry or fed up about Peter’s newfound rebelling and hardheadedness.

“Look, kid, I know you disapprove of me lately, but can you at least try to be civil towards me in front of Pepper?” His father seemed really tired and upset and Peter was fighting the urge to apologize and put an end to their dispute once and for all. “I’m not asking you to forgive me if you still can’t, but can we both just try to make things better for her? Maybe lessen her worries…”

Peter nodded quietly, eyeing the schematics on his father’s tablet. “What are those?”

“That… I’m trying to surprise her, hopefully cheer her up. Can you watch over her for a while? She’ll be up soon anyway.”

“Where are you going?”

“To work on her surprise.” His father smiled at him, picking up his tablet before getting off the armchair. “I’ll be upstairs. When she wakes up, take her to the room next to yours, okay?”

“Alright...” Peter took Tony’s place by the armchair and as he watched his father go up the stairs, he realized he couldn’t bear it anymore. “Dad… I’m sorry, about what I said earlier.”

“I know… No worries, kid.”

\---- --- ----

Tony was lying on his back on the carpeted floor of the room next to Peter’s, busily tinkering on one of the projectors that was pointing towards the ceiling. The room’s walls had been repainted already in that sunny shade of soft butter-colored ivory which provided a little warmth and cheer to the neutral space. The place was almost completely bare save for the clean white accent that was the balcony curtains and the portable dome screen that stretched over the four corners of the room. He was estimating at least three more projectors would be needed for it, and the calibration and blending would surely take some time but he figured he still had about seven to eight months to work on it.

“Well, this is a new strain of obsessive-compulsive,” Pepper remarked and he was so engrossed with his tinkering that he had not noticed her and his son walked into the room probably a minute or so ago. “What are you doing?”

“Oh, you’ll love this, Honey,” he told her getting off the floor so he could point towards the projector and then towards the dome screen mounted to the ceiling. “This installation will project the Milky Way into the dome screen.”

“Why?”

“Why? It’s like what you see in planetariums, only this one will be much more—”

“No, I mean why are you doing this?”

He thought she looked scared, very far from the reaction that he was actually aiming for. He quickly glanced at Peter, just to check if anything went wrong after he left the kid to watch over her, but his son merely shrugged his shoulders cluelessly.

“Honey… This is my surprise for you.” He stood up, gesturing towards the rest of the room while a very cautious voice inside his head warned him that something was not adding up in terms of Pepper’s reaction. “This will be Morgan’s nursery. I had the room repainted and somehow babyproofed, and I know it’s bare but I honestly thought you’ll want to choose the furniture. Just like what we did with the house in Malibu.”

She was quiet once more, too quiet, and she was simply staring at the room, her eyes enormous and blue and glassy and he honestly wondered what it was he kept doing wrong.

“What do you think?” Tony prodded, treading carefully this time and simply trying to get her to talking. “Honey, don’t you like the color? We can still change it if you want. We can always do that later.”

* * *

** 15 years ago, August 10, Los Angeles CA: **

“You know we can always do this later… Or maybe, we can just ask Mama to do this for you. I can do this alone if you would prefer that, too,” Rhodes offered as Pepper quietly hesitated at the open door of the nursery she had set up in the spare room in her apartment.

It had been almost three weeks since the accident, and for the first time since she was discharged from the hospital, Pepper was back in her two-bedroom apartment. She thought she was ready, but standing there at the doorway of Andros’ nursery made her realize that she would never be prepared for the task ahead. Other than the undeniable grief that had been her constant companion since the accident, standing there in that room made her feel so conflicted as well.

She thought that what she wanted was to finally box up everything that was in the nursery and donate it to charity, just so she would never have to look again at the crib that reminded her of everything that she had lost, or at the toys that kept waiting for the arrival of her little boy that would never come home anymore. She had thought that she wanted that, but then again, she couldn’t do it… not yet.

She couldn’t just box up everything either because then that would be it… her unimaginable loss would be so final, so real once the room was converted back to just another guest room, devoid of life and of the giggles she was so sure her little boy would have had. It would make her loss very real and she was not ready to let go of the baby just yet… probably not ever.

“I’m fine,” she muttered, her voice breaking from trying to fight a desperate need to just break down.

“You’re not,” Rhodes told her softly while keeping his distance, for which she was very grateful because she knew that the slightest physical contact would break her right there and then. “You don’t have to pretend around me, Pepper.”

She had approached the crib as if she hadn’t heard him at all, reaching out with her free hand, her left arm was still in a cast and a sling, to retrieve a monogrammed baby blue blanket that was neatly folded and hanging by the side. She lightly traced the initials that were neatly woven into it – AES for Andros Edward Stark – initials that were so exactly like his father’s, the mere thought of whom broke the little composure that Pepper still had.

“The decision to move away and leave Tony… it wasn’t easy but I knew that I can live with it…” Pepper whispered in between stifled sobs, her back to Rhodes as she clutched the blanket close to her chest. “I knew I can live with it because… because having Andros meant that I get to keep a part of Tony with me that nobody could ever take away. And I was so comforted by that thought until… until the baby was cruelly yanked away from me…”

“Pepper…” was all Rhodes could tell her helplessly.

“And this crib... these pillows?” She went on, half-crying, half-screaming, and she knew she was spiraling out of control but she couldn’t care anymore. She threw everything she could get her hands on while she glared at Rhodes, warning him that he shouldn’t come any closer because she couldn’t bear it, she wouldn’t be able to. “I don’t need them anymore because Andros is not coming home! And this room, every inch of this room fills me with so much pain because they snatched my baby away from me! And I... There’s nothing left for me... I didn’t have anyone but him...”

“Pepper…” he cautiously tried to approach her, but she shook her head no before turning her back to him to open a few drawers.

“I could see our future together, you know?” she told him after some time, while she simply gazed at the baby clothes in the drawers, tracing the monogram repeatedly. “This picture of what our lives were going to be like, and it was just going to be Andros and me but we were going to be happy. And now it feels like I’ve been burgled and I have to live in this stupid angry version of the world where I can’t even look at myself...”

“I'm sorry…”

She picked up a small box and neatly stashed the blanket there, finally deciding that she would keep the baby clothes and the blankets and the swaddle wraps, everything that had Andros’ initials monogrammed on them, but all the rest would be boxed and donated to someone else needing them more than her. After all, she didn't need cruel visible reminders of her pain, of her lost, of the hole in her chest that would never ever heal. She would make sure that everything would get donated as soon as possible because she couldn’t set foot in this apartment again, only to see the nursery that was still waiting for the baby that she never got to bring home at all.

They worked quietly for a while and while she was thankful for the company, she was also grateful that Rhodes did not seem to push her to talk any further. She couldn’t anyway, because everything hurt and the pain from her left arm, which was still in a cast and would remain in one for another three weeks, did not even hold a candle to how her heart was being bruised and broken, day after day after day. She wondered what she would do now… if she should just focus on her career because she didn’t have anything, anyone else left anymore…

“Pepper?” Rhodes interrupted her thoughts and it took her a few seconds to realize that the phone in his hand had been buzzing all this time. “Tony’s calling… I just thought, maybe you’re ready to talk to him?”

“I don’t want to, I don’t plan to…” she muttered automatically and rather tiredly, not taking her eyes off the onesies she had been folding. “But answer him. It’s okay, I can bear it.”

He nodded once before turning his back on her while she continued with the folding and packing. “Tones… Really? … Today? … Oh God, uh, I wish I could but I cannot fly to New York right now…” She caught him eyeing her and she couldn’t help but wonder if it was she that was stopping Rhodes from leaving. “I’m sorry, Tones… I will make it up to you… I’ll fly soon, man. I promise… Of course… Yeah, I can’t wait to meet him… I’ll see you soon…”

“Is that?” Pepper approached him as she asked, the smile that kept creeping in his features but he kept trying to hide while he was on the phone was not lost on her. “Today’s the day…” she gasped more than whispered as realization dawned on her.

“I’m so sorry, Pepper. I didn’t mean to—”

“Did everything go well? Is the baby okay?” She could very well tell that the concern in her voice surprised him, because it did surprise her, too.

Rhodes simply nodded quietly. “The baby’s fine. He was born just two hours ago…” he told her and Pepper hadn’t realized that she had been holding her breath until she sighed deeply, oddly and unexpectedly feeling so relieved. “Pepper, he actually named him—”

“No…” she cut in, her eyes were enormous and she was shaking her head even as she wiped a few tears that had escaped. “I don’t want to know… Don’t ever tell me…”

“I’m sorry…” he pulled her in his arms and the physical contact was her undoing. She cried and cried until she couldn’t even breathe. “Pepper, please calm down...”

“No... I can’t, I can’t...” she sobbed, pleadingly. “I’m sorry... I’m sorry, please make it stop. It hurts so much, please make it stop...”

* * *

** Present day, Manhattan NY: **

“Pep? We still have a lot of time, we can have the walls repainted… Anything you want.”

Tony stared at Pepper as she took in the sight of the nursery and he couldn’t help but notice her quiet gasps and quick shallow breaths. He had readied the nursery because he wanted to surprise her, to take her mind off the unnecessary fear and worry she seemed to be having lately but the way she had been reacting since earlier during the day was not exactly what he had anticipated. He honestly thought she would find the gesture sweet, that it would be so evident that he was so excited about this baby that she couldn’t doubt his intentions anymore, that he was in this for the long haul, for good this time, forever…

 _Pep, sweetheart, just please come back to me,_ as if the thought would pull her away from wherever her mind had wandered off to. _Just say something…_

“I can’t do this…” she whispered, shaking her head and sounding so broken that Tony thought his own heart would stop right there and then.

“Pep, Honey…” He reached out to try to take her hand in his but she flinched at the contact and Tony simply raised his hands in surrender, trying to pacify her. “It’s okay, alright? Just let me know—”

“I can’t… I can’t do this...”

She sounded so lost and so confused and before Tony even realized it, she had bolted out of the room, leaving the two Stark boys in baffling silence.

“Dad…” It was Peter who finally broke into the quiet because honestly, Tony was still just as stunned. “What just happened?”

“I honestly don’t know…” Tony ran a hand through his hair out of frustration before finally getting his head back in the situation. “Kid, can you check for her downstairs? I’ll follow you after I check upstairs in our bedroom.”

“Sure, okay.” Peter nodded before heading downstairs and Tony was just relieved that none of his son’s smart-ass comments was resurfacing at the moment. Thank goodness for that, too, because he could actually only deal with one problem at a time for now.

He trekked upstairs to their bedroom, muttering a soft, “Pep? Honey?” before opening the door only to find their room empty. He went to check the piano room, too, on his way downstairs but she was nowhere to be found, and judging from Peter’s furrowed brows as the kid came from the foyer, it looked like he had not found her either.

“I checked your office, I looked everywhere but I think she left,” Peter told him dejectedly. “I even checked outside hoping I’d catch her but there’s no one out there.”

“Maybe she took a cab.”

“A cab?” Peter asked incredulously. “Dad, check the garage, maybe she took one of the Audis herself since Uncle Happy’s out of town.”

“She wouldn’t, Pete.”

“Why, she doesn’t drive?”

“She does, but she hasn’t driven a car since…” Tony paused, tensing his jaw while he closed his eyes and tried to breathe deeply in an attempt to keep his thoughts in check.

_She hasn’t driven a car since she lost Andros…_

He had noticed that, actually, as soon as she came back to New York. The very first day that he saw her again, when he welcomed her to the company and invited her to the house for dinner, she was waiting at the lobby for a cab to take her home. He had merely thought it was because she had never liked driving in New York traffic even back then, but when he found out about the accident and the baby, he realized what the most likely reason was. She had never really told him about it, but he did ask Rhodes and his best friend confirmed it. She had never driven a car since the accident, and given that she’s currently pregnant, she most certainly would not start driving again now either.

_Where did you go, Pep?_

He tried calling her phone but all his attempts went straight to voicemail and he was so frustrated that he had not realized that Peter was still staring at him questioningly.

_Did the kid say something?_

“Dad…”

“Yeah?” he distractedly asked even as he grabbed his coat and headed to the garage with Peter at his heels.

“Was Pepper in an accident? Is that why she doesn’t drive anymore?” Peter must have seen the way he raised his brows at him because the kid went on to explain. “I’ve noticed the scar on her left arm, that’s why I thought that…”

“Yeah… in L.A., kid.”

He could tell Peter that, right? There was actually no harm in telling him that Pepper figured in a car crash before, right?

_Sin of omission, Stark… Half-truth, white lie, however you want to call it…_

“Look, Pete. Don’t ask her about the accident, it’s a sensitive topic.” He sighed deeply as he got inside the R8 and looked at Peter rather thoughtfully. “I’ll go find her. If she comes back here—”

“I’ll call you,” Peter nodded, finishing the thought for him. “Drive safe, Dad.”

\---- --- ----

It was a simple, unassuming beige box with a woven paper exterior that had been sitting at the top of her closet ever since Pepper moved back to New York. She had not opened it in months, at least ever since she left Los Angeles, although the thought did occur to her more than once after she found out that she was pregnant with another child. It was, in fact, one of the first things that she had thought of doing when she sought refuge in her apartment after Tony confronted her about the paternity test just a couple of weekends ago, but she did not dare open it at the time. She imagined it would be too much, she probably couldn’t bear to see its contents then.

Still, neither could she bear looking inside the box right now, and she realized it as soon as she found herself sitting alone on the floor of her apartment while carefully lifting the lid. The sight of the pristine, unused baby clothes monogrammed with the initials of the boy she lost greeted her, and the onesies, the blankets, the swaddles, the little socks – everything were still as new as they had been fifteen years ago, untouched and unused and unworn. Just like that, the tears that she so valiantly fought back at the house in 74th Street came rushing down, completely unmitigated.

She took out a baby blue blanket from the pile and lightly traced Andros’ initials as she tried to get ahold of herself. It was just too overwhelming right now, everything just seemed to be too much and coming at her all at once. The whole afternoon, in fact, had been a struggle and it took a great amount of effort and restraint to not simply crumble at the mere sight of Tony’s excitement and enthusiasm for this new baby. And she did try, she did try to share in his joy and to appreciate his efforts to get started on the nursery but she couldn’t…

She couldn’t breathe at the mere sight of the newly converted room, and she knew she probably wouldn’t be able to rest easy until the baby was born breathing and crying in at least seven months or so. The fact that the baby was unplanned and that the pregnancy was being a very physically difficult one were not exactly helping to put her mind at ease. Suffice to say, Pepper wasn’t prepared for this – for the onslaught of emotions that could be attributed either to her raging hormones or to the painful memories that had crawled their way back in her head. Or both, maybe it could be attributed to both, and not for the first time did she begin to wonder if this current pregnancy was actually meant to heal those old wounds or worsen them instead. She knew, however, that it was a second chance, a new lease, but right now she was just feeling unprepared and confused.

She had no idea for how long she was clutching Andros’ blanket to her chest but it was long enough that her sobs eventually quieted down and the tears had already left dry tracks on her face. She glanced at her phone which was resting beside the box on the floor, and she finally noticed the many missed calls from Tony; the poor guy was probably already driving frantically around the city by now looking for her. She felt guilty, but as soon as she did she also knew that she bolted because she needed the space. Tony’s enthusiasm was too overwhelming but she didn’t have the heart to tell him to stop. It would be just too cruel to rob him of the chance to finally do this baby thing with her, and she wanted to do this with him, too, but she hadn’t realized that her loss from fifteen years ago could still feel so raw and so new. She couldn’t help but feel that somehow, her old heartaches were fueling the fears that she kept having for this pregnancy. And those fears, they kept haunting her, bothering her.

“Pep? Honey? I know you’re in there, your doorman says so…”

It was Tony, and she could almost picture him leaning with his forehead against the other side of the door as he pleaded for her to open it, fighting the urge to just knock incessantly until she couldn’t ignore him anymore.

“Pep… I’m not a good guy, remember? I’m selfish. I take what I want, I do what I want. I lie to my son, I hide my _other_ son, I knocked you up… I know I don’t do the right thing, and I know that right now I did something terrible and I just don’t know what it is. Honey, I feel like I’m serving a sentence for something that I have no clue about… and it’s okay if you want to punish me, it’s okay. But I’m here because I want to do the right thing by you… Pep, please, talk to me…”

From the other side of the door, Tony sighed heavily as he strained his ear, listening for the slightest movement, the faintest indication that Pepper was moving towards the door to let him in. He had come to her apartment after quickly looking for her at her usual spots – her favorite bench in Central Park overlooking the Bethesda Fountain, the steps of The Met, her office at the Stark Tower – and he could only hope that she was, by every definition of the word, alright. Any other day, he would let her be and let her thaw until she was ready to face him as soon as he had made sure that she was unharmed, but not this time. After all, he had promised her that she would never be alone again, that this pregnancy would be different because she would have him this time, that he would never leave her again…

“Pep…” he called out to her, hoping that she knew he would be willing to spend the rest of the afternoon and even the entire night standing at her door and just waiting for her to come out. “I know I promised you that this pregnancy will be different and I can do that effectively only if you tell me what happened. We need to talk…”

“It doesn’t really make one feel good hearing those words,” Pepper answered him quietly from the other side of the door. “‘We need to talk’ sounds ominous, more so because it’s coming from you instead of me.”

She sounded so tired and upset, and the only thought that kept flooding Tony’s mind was that she had been so unhappy lately. He noticed it, even if she kept trying to hide it from him.

“Honey, talk to me. What happened there? What did I do wrong?”

“You did nothing wrong, Tony.”

“Come on, Pep. I must have done something that’s enough to send you running back to your apartment and locking yourself in there.” He bit his lip, wanting to hold her in his arms if only she would open the damn door… “I could imagine you reacting this way if I proposed, but I didn’t. I haven’t. Again. Recently. So talk to me…”

He finally heard the deadbolt getting unlocked and he soon saw her standing in front of him, eyes all red and glassy while she tightly clutched a blue fabric to her chest. He was just about to pull her into his arms when she turned and stepped away and headed for the bedroom.

“What did I do?” he asked, closing the door behind him and following her to the bedroom. He saw her picking the lid of a storage box and so he rushed to lift the box for her, glancing at the contents as he placed it at the foot of the bed. “Let me, I got this. Pep, why do you have my—”

He was just about to ask her why she had his monogrammed baby clothes when he realized that the stuff wasn’t really his. He wasn’t the only A.E.S. in her life after all.

“These were Andros’ baby clothes…” It was supposed to be a question, but the realization dawned on him when he saw her still clutching what seemed to be their firstborn’s blanket while she sat on the bed and leaned against the headboard. “Pep, why didn’t you tell me you still have some of his—”

“I don’t want you working on the nursery…” she told him quietly as he took a seat on the bed across from her. “Or buying baby stuff… or anything.”

It was then that Tony began to wonder if maybe, just maybe, Pepper really didn’t want this baby after all. That after the accident, she really didn’t want to go through another pregnancy anymore, and that maybe he had simply coerced her into wanting this, into doing this…

_I’m a fucking selfish idiot. I knocked her up without thinking, without asking if she still wants a new baby after the accident…_

To be fair, he still had no idea Andros existed during the night of the fundraiser, the night that put them in their current situation…

_Mere technicalities, Stark. The point is, you’ve been selfish when you knocked her up…_

“Pep… Do you want this baby?”

It occurred to him that he had not really asked her that question ever since they found out they were expecting. He then began to truly worry that her frequent crying might not be out of anxiety for this pregnancy, that it could be because she didn’t want this to begin with.

_Is that why she’s been so unhappy lately?_

“Pep… I know Morgan isn’t exactly planned, but I love this baby so much already. I haven’t even realized that this is what I’ve been missing until…” He backpedaled a bit, because the last thing he should probably do was guilt her into wanting this just because he did. “Look, I know I haven’t really asked you if you want a new baby because this sort of just happened. Morgan, though, is a happy accident. But seeing you this way, it makes me think that maybe after Andros you don’t want to have another child anymore, and now I’m feeling guilty because I can’t help but think that I’ve inadvertently forced you, coerced you into doing this with me, into having my child, and—”

“Tony, I want this baby so much.”

“But?”

“It’s too early. I don’t want you to get your hopes up.”

He breathed a sigh of relief as he allowed the beginnings of a smile to creep in at the side of his lips. This was what she was worried about, really?

“Pep, the doctor said everything’s okay.” He took her hand in his and rubbed it affectionately. “Let’s allow ourselves to be happy. I’ve always wanted to have a kid with you and it’s finally happening. I want the full experience, I want to savor each moment. Honestly, I thought you’d be happy that I’m so excited about preparing the nursery and…” he paused to catch her gaze, because he had been really worried about what he was just about to say next. “I really thought the gesture would reassure you, quell your doubts about me.”

She gave him a small, sad smile as she reached out to him, wanting him to hold her. He happily obliged by lying beside her and pulling her close and into his chest, while he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

“I don’t doubt you…” she murmured, resting her head against his chest and sighing deeply as he nuzzled and kissed her hair.

He almost told her, _‘Then marry me,’_ but he bit his bottom lip as quickly as he realized that this was probably the last thing she needed to hear right now. See? He was really getting better at this relationship stuff.

“Then talk to me, Pep. Tell me what’s going on.”

There was a long, frustrated sigh before she quietly whispered what he realized was the thing that had her worrying and crying secretly in the last few weeks.

“I won’t be able to breathe or sleep until this baby’s born breathing and crying and healthy…” she admitted, her voice breaking towards the end.

“Pep… don’t do this to yourself.”

“What if I lose this baby, too?”

“Honey, everything’s okay. Morgan _is_ okay.”

“Everything was okay with Andros, too, and then… and then…”

She was sobbing quietly now and Tony hated the fact that he felt so damn powerless, that he couldn’t protect her from all this, that he didn’t know how to reassure her, that the only thing he could do was hug her tighter and let her know that she wouldn’t be on her own this time.

“Pep… I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. It wasn’t your fault, the accident was beyond your control. And right now, Morgan is fine and you’re amazing, sweetheart.”

He felt her sobs ceased for a bit and he felt her pressing herself closer against him as she rested her head at the crook of his neck. He wondered if their shopping from earlier that afternoon triggered all this and the nursery was probably the final straw. He was just about to metaphorically kick himself in the head when she broke through the quiet, pulling him away from his thoughts.

“I already had his nursery ready, you know?” she murmured quietly and pensively, the arm draped over his waist was gripping him tightly, letting him know that the memory was probably still just as painful as it had been fifteen years ago. “And when I came home three weeks after the accident, I couldn’t… I couldn’t even go inside the nursery because… every single thing in there was a cruel reminder of what I lost.”

“I’m sorry, Pep… I’m so sorry…”

“His baby clothes are the only things I kept. Jim boxed up all the rest and donated them before I moved back to my apartment.”

 _So Rhodey helped_ , Tony thought. Again, he was half-grateful, half-jealous that his best friend was there for her when the love of his life lost their child, _his_ child. He would probably really never be able to forgive himself for that, but he was at least thankful that Pepper had someone, even if that someone wasn’t him. He tried to take his mind off the unreasonable pang of jealousy and opted to focus instead on reassuring her, stroking her arms repeatedly just so he could make her feel at least a bit better.

“Pep, you have to forgive yourself,” he softly told her after some time, when it finally clicked in his head what it was she was really anxious about. “No one blamed you. I never did, Andros never did. But you have to forgive yourself because Morgan needs you, and this baby’s going to need you to be whole again.”

“I can’t…”

“I know Andros left a hole in your life, in _our_ lives…” He dipped his head to kiss her temple, letting her ground him because he realized he had been struggling with a personal battle of his own as well. “But we have our second chance right here, Pep… Morgan is our second chance.”

She didn’t answer him back anymore but if the way that she held on to him was any indication, it didn’t take a lot for Tony to realize that this was very far from over. This would be a long and difficult seven more months, and if he could only turn back the clock to fifteen years ago, he would do anything in his power to keep her from leaving New York.

_I really should have never let you go._

\---- --- ----

“So that’s what happened,” Tony muttered quietly to the phone clutched to his ear so as to avoid waking Pepper who had been curled up and sleeping beside him. She had been asleep for about an hour now, probably exhausted from all the emotions from that afternoon, and Tony had utilized that time to let Peter know that he had found her, and to call his best friend, just so he would know what happened in L.A. after the accident.

He had always hated this part of their relationship, the part where he just knew the basics of what happened to her in the last fifteen years, and that he had to get the details of which, the more important details in fact, as second hand information from his best friend. He felt jealous, left out, and utterly useless, and his heart only kept breaking at the fact that it was actually his fault. He pushed her away after all, never mind the fact that he honestly thought he was only doing the right thing at the time.

“Yeah… Remember when we were talking after you came home from Connecticut? When I told you that I couldn’t fly to New York when Peter was born because Pepper needed someone?” Rhodes asked over the phone and Tony had a fairly good idea about what he was just about to say next. “It was that day, we were boxing up the nursery when I got your call that Peter was born.”

Tony simply clenched his jaw and tried to keep himself grounded by lightly kissing her temple before carefully extracting himself from her side. “Almost 2500 miles away and I still managed to get the worst timing. Now that’s a skill.”

“What brought this on, Tones?”

“Well, she’s been so upset lately. And I thought I might have triggered it. I apparently did.”

“Triggered it how?”

He bit his lip as he stepped out of the bedroom, keeping the door open so he could keep an eye on her still. “I might have started building a nursery?”

“You’re building a what?!”

“Will you relax, Honeybear?” he shushed his best friend over the phone because Pepper had been stirring and he really didn’t want to wake her up. “I said I started building a nursery.”

“Why?”

“Pepper’s pregnant.”

There was a bit of a lull but Tony knew his best friend enough that he could practically imagine the guy smirking at him. Rhodes would even playfully punch his shoulder had he actually broken the news to him in person.

“Okay… Clearly I missed a chapter, or six. That’s good news, right? That’s great news.”

“It is, it really is.” Tony sighed tiredly before he even realized it. “At least until she started being so upset.”

“Don’t shoot me for asking, but did you ask her about it? About how she feels?”

Every time, every time Tony thought he was finally learning the ropes on this relationship, something would occur to him that would make him realize that he still had a lot to learn. He did ask her about it, only, it took him about three weeks to do so.

“The baby’s not planned, Rhodey. But I want this, she does, too. She told me she does. It’s just tough, considering what happened the last time.”

“But a new baby? Congratulations, man! You? A new dad at 41?”

“Forty two by the time the baby comes.” He still wished he could have done this whole baby thing with Pepper way earlier in the game, but he’d take what he could get.

“You’re happy. You do want this.”

It wasn’t a question, because Rhodes knew him enough, they had been best friends for more than half of their lives after all.

“You have no idea,” he smiled to himself, glancing at Pepper who had turned on her side and had seemed to be feeling his absence from the bed. “Who starts building a nursery at 10 weeks?”

“Only you, Tones. Only you. Unplanned, huh?”

“What can I say, it’s tradition by now.”

“I’m starting to think that this baby **is** planned.”

Why did everybody keep saying that? Tony shook his head rather amusedly at the thought that everybody seemed to be thinking he did this on purpose. For the record, he really didn’t.

“You know what, Rhodey? I’m not that kind of a dick.”

“You suddenly want a new baby so much just when Pepper walked back into your life. It’s not hard to put two and two together, man. So yeah, you’re that kind of a dick, but your secret’s safe with me.”

“Am not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Am really not. But I did hope, you know?”

Rhodes was already chuckling at the other end and Tony wanted to smack him just for that.

“And what did she say about it?”

“Quite predictably, she rolled her eyes at me.” He gazed at Pepper and he couldn’t help but wonder once more why she kept avoiding his marriage proposals. “I guess she still thinks I knocked her up on purpose just to trap her into marrying me.”

“And didn’t you?”

“I did not,” he sighed resignedly, wishing it would be that easy to convince Pepper to marry him, once and for all. “And even if I did, she still doesn’t want to get married… for now. She keeps dodging my proposals.”

“Proposals?”

“Yeah, plural. By the way, if she asks, I didn’t tell you anything. So when we announce the baby, put on your best surprised face, will you?”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“Listen, I have to go…” Tony told him as soon as he noticed Pepper began to stir. He smiled softly at her when he caught her gaze, her searching eyes finally finding him after she realized she was alone in bed. “But fly to New York soon, buddy. Peter has this newfound rebel phase, he could really use an uncle around.”

“Okay, but I'm sure it's nothing compared to your rebel phase. And Tones… tread lightly, okay? The accident was a long time ago, but I’m sure it doesn’t feel that way to Pepper, especially now. She lost a baby then, and she’s having one now.”

“I know… I got it. Bye, Honeybear.” He ended the call, stashing the phone in his pocket while he approached the bed to kiss her unhurriedly. “That’s Rhodey, by the way.”

“I sure hope so…” Pepper whispered in between kisses, whenever he allowed her to come up for air. “Because if there’s another Honeybear… Well, I’m packing my bags.”

He pulled away just so he could grin at her, that signature playboy smirk manifesting once more. “I never thought you’re the jealous type, but considering how good looking I am and how good of a lover I am…” Pepper rolled her eyes at him but he chose to ignore it and kiss her jaw instead. “I can’t blame you for being jealous.”

“It’s just the hormones, Tony. Any other day, I wouldn’t sweat over it.”

He chuckled good-naturedly, because that was unfortunately true. Certainly, it wouldn’t hurt if only Pepper could show a little bit of jealousy sometimes, just to keep the love alive, you know? But Pepper did not get jealous, unlike, well, Tony.

“Do you want to go home?” he asked, glancing at his Jaeger and noting that it was only a bit past five in the afternoon. “We can spend the night here, if you want.”

“Home…” she told him, getting up and grabbing her coat from the foot of the bed. He caught the way she looked at the box of Andros’ baby clothes, the longing still very much evident in her eyes even as she distractedly told him, “I promised Peter I’m cooking dinner.”

“Pep... We can bring his baby clothes home with us, you know?” He told her tentatively, wondering quite guiltily if he was suggesting this more for his sake than hers. “So a part of him can finally come home. If you’re okay with it…”

“Okay…” she agreed, and he wasted no time, picking the box as quickly as he could for fear that she would change her mind. “But, Tony? I don’t want you working on the nursery.”

“Pep…”

He wanted to reason with her, to tell her that Andros’ fate wasn’t Morgan’s, too. That they could enjoy this journey, that they deserved this, after two decades of waiting and waiting…

“Please? Let’s just wait. It’s too early, Tony.”

“Okay…” His heart felt heavy but in that moment, he knew that he would do anything for her. “Okay…”

\---- --- ----

Pepper cooked dinner that night, exactly like she promised Peter from earlier that weekend, and Tony was quite thankful that it at least took her mind off certain things, albeit temporarily. He was also grateful that his son had tactfully shied away from discussing anything remotely related to what happened that afternoon, even if the chances that Tony himself would be on the receiving end of Peter’s queries and smart-ass remarks increased considerably. He reasoned he could handle Peter, but Pepper becoming even more upset? He would rather pass up on a chance of that happening. Again.

So all in all, the night was salvaged, somehow. Dinner was great and from Tony’s vantage point, Pepper and Peter seemed to have really hit a dynamic ever since she moved in with them. It was a great thing to actually see his teenage son interact with her and the ease with which the two seemed to fit together actually made Tony understand Peter’s anger over what happened a couple of weeks ago. The kid grew up without his mom and now that Pepper was here and mothering him, a lot had changed. Peter, obviously, would hate losing another mother-figure this time and it did not help the kid to know that the completeness of this family unit essentially depended on Tony never screwing up again.

Yeah, that was probably exactly why Peter had been so angry over his kneejerk reaction with the paternity test.

His son’s frustrations over him aside, everything seemed to be going well and Tony could think of only two more things that would make their situation even better – marriage and the new baby.

The marriage part was proving to be tricky and he’d like to believe that at some point, he would manage to convince Pepper to finally tie the knot with him. Someday, hopefully sooner rather than later.

The baby part, fortunately, was already happening. What was left for him to do was to assure Pepper that everything would be fine and that there would be no harm in enjoying this journey right from the very onset. They had been waiting for this chance for a long time now, and to tell the truth, he was quite sure that this would be their last go at having a baby. That was also the very reason why he wanted them to savor each moment.

Initially, back in Valentine’s day, he was already convinced that after the accident, he would really have to _beg_ Pepper for a new baby. Now more than ever, after his phone call with Rhodes, he was fairly certain that would’ve been the case had Morgan not been a happy accident. Losing Andros had been really difficult for her, and so every succeeding pregnancy would most certainly only remind her of that loss. Tony, on the other hand, was not exactly keen on seeing her this lonely so often. So yes, he would be willing to let go of the idea of any future children after Morgan; it just wouldn’t be worth it to see Pepper so unhappy all the time.

Not that Pepper had only been unhappy ever since they found out that they were expecting. Looking past the quiet tears she thought she had been successfully hiding from him, he knew that deep down, she was also excited for this baby. He would sometimes catch her deep in thought with a soft smile on her face while absent-mindedly resting her hand on her still-flat stomach. The way she would pretentiously (yes, he was convinced it was pretentious) protest every time he would call the baby ‘Morgan’ only highlighted that twinkle in her eyes that he most absolutely adored. He knew she already loved this baby as much as she did Andros, and he could only wish that she would allow herself to be happy sans all the fear and reservations. He didn’t want her to miss out on anything after all, considering that this would probably be their last go.

So yes, Pepper’s mood had been quite predictable lately, seeing as it only ranged from silent tears to poorly concealed crying, and given what happened that afternoon, Tony was quite surprised (pleasantly surprised, in fact) that his not-fiancée actually _indulged_ him that night. A few nights ago, he had noticed that she had not been denying him and the thought had bothered him since, only, he did not have the heart, or more accurately the restraint, to call her out on it. Of course he always wanted her and he was only human after all, but neither was he an opportunistic dick.

“Hey… You’ve been staring, I lost you for a minute there,” Pepper remarked as she lifted a hand to lightly stroke the side of his face while he braced his arms on the bed so as to avoid crushing her from beneath him. He leaned down a bit to kiss her, his fingers lightly tracing and teasing the side of her ribs, her waist, and her hips. He then pulled away from the kiss, smirking at her first before finding his way down to her throat, leaving a trail of kisses on her neck, collar bones, and sternum.

“I’m back now, Honey…” he murmured even as he fought the urge to lift her leg and wrap it around his waist not for the first time that night. He did wonder why she always let him, no matter her mood and even if she was exhausted. Not that he could resist her anyway, but he just really had to know. “Are you sure you want this?” he asked, propping himself up on his elbow so he could study her reaction.

“Why wouldn’t I? Besides, if you’re worried, you should’ve asked before the deed was _technically_ done.”

“Well, my blood wasn’t exactly going to my brain then…” He bit his lip, trying to keep his head on the matter even as she giggled childishly at him. “It’s just that after today’s events, I know you’re exhausted. And except for the other night when you were so worried that Peter might see us on the couch, you haven’t denied me since Malibu. You never tell me no, Pep, even if I know I’ve already worn you out and I still want—”

She let out her Tony’s-being-ridiculous-again laugh and somehow that comforted him a bit. “Do you want me to tell you no?”

“Yes. No. I mean, yes, but only if you don’t want us to…”

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“This is like fifteen years ago, Pep, when I was getting sober. You never denied me.”

She merely frowned, furrowing her brows before glancing sideways as if to avoid his gaze and Tony knew that he had basically caught her red-handed. “I did say no back at the office, and at the kitchen counter, remember?”

That was true, but not really his point. “Yes, but almost every night you let me…”

“And that’s a problem because?” She was trying really hard to stifle her laughter and that only endeared her to him more. Two decades later and she was still so unaware of the effect she had on him. “You know you’re being super weird.”

“Well, good point, it’s not like we have to worry about you getting pregnant, so…” he gently acquiesced as his fingers roamed south, stroking where her still non-showing baby bump would be. “I just want you to want it, too. I don’t want you to feel obligated… Pep, if you’re tired, you tell me. If you’re not in the mood, you tell me. If you can’t go—”

“Okay,” she cut in, kissing him abruptly just so he would stop talking.

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Then how come you’ve never denied me?” Honestly, he had no idea why he had decided to confront her about it, tonight of all nights.

“Tony…”

He wiggled his brows at her not quite innocently before kissing the side of her lips and her laughter was definitely the sweetest thing he had heard that day. “Pep, I know that you want me, all the time—”

“Yeah, right.”

“—and that I’m irresistible,” he went on in that husky baritone he knew did things to her, “... and _mind-blowingly_ very good—”

“I don’t recall saying that…”

“—but why do you always let me?” He looked at her expectantly, quite satisfied with the way that she sighed contentedly as he pulled away from the kiss.

“You sleep better,” she simply told him while swiping at the curls that had been matted with sweat against his forehead. “I’ve noticed since Malibu, your nightmares are less if not completely gone. You sleep better, peacefully even.”

Truthfully, he never imagined that such would be the reason behind it but she simply smiled at him, once again reminding him that he was indeed a very lucky man. He never really deserved her.

“Pep…” he whispered her name, burying his nose against her neck while his lips worshipped every inch of her, one hand reaching out to intertwine her fingers with his. He was simply overwhelmed. “I don’t deserve you.”

She poked him on the side and when he did glance at her, she was looking at him rather teasingly. “Enjoy it while it lasts, Mister. When I start feeling like I’m as big as a whale, I’m going to deny you all the time.”

“Uh, no. Not gonna happen—”

“Tony!”

“No. No. I’m not gonna let you, even if you call the cops.” She slapped his arm playfully and he could only smirk at her, kissing her deeply as he murmured, “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Just say no, you know that I’ll stop.”

“I know you will, that’s why there aren’t any cops around.”

He grinned at her retort before rolling on his back and pulling her close so she could drape her body over his. She rested her head at the crook of his neck, sighing deeply as he traced light circles on the outside of her thigh. This was nice and he knew he could just let the night end there, but he had an agenda and he had to at least try.

“So… I don’t want you to think that I just used my superb lovemaking skills to butter you up because I’m about to ask you something but—”

“You’re not going to tell me again that we should get married, are you?”

“Nope, not what I had in mind, actually.” He frowned just a bit while he stroke her arms distractedly. “But don’t you want to?”

“Maybe not now? We have this baby, and then your son’s quite the cute little rebel.”

“Okay…” At least it wasn’t a qualified no.

“Okay? You aren’t going to push that topic?”

She sounded so surprised that he couldn’t help but feel a bit smug. He wasn’t that much predictable after all. “Not tonight, no. Instead… can I maybe change your mind about the nursery?”

“Tony…”

“It’ll also help me sleep… just like the sex.”

She propped herself up on her elbow, narrowing her eyes as she eyed him contemplatively. Out of all the possibilities that could be running in her mind, Tony as sure as hell didn’t expect what she was just about to say next.

“I was just about to convince you not to work on the nursery, you know? And I was so sure you’d say yes, seeing as I let you have free rein tonight.”

“Did you really think that’s going to work?” Tony eyed her incredulously, confused whether he should be flattered or concerned. Was she joking? No, she most definitely looked serious. “The sex, the seduction? Pep, are you kidding me? You’re taking a page from my book? I invented that trick!”

“Well… It unfortunately works, most of the time anyway.”

“Pep…” Just really, how was he going to reassure her? “Nothing bad is going to happen.”

“That’s what I thought, too, but then…” She shook her head, obviously trying to not think about the accident. “Can you just please work on it when I’m, I don’t know, a month or a couple of weeks away from term?”

“Pep, I’ll need more than a month for the nursery.” This was a Stark baby after all, _ordinary_ and _the usual_ just didn’t seem right.

“Please? Can you promise you won’t work on it this early?”

She looked like this was really important to her and as much as he would like to not admit it, she still had that power over him that he just couldn’t really say no to her.

“Okay…” he quietly yielded, kissing her forehead while he pulled her to him, just wanting to hold her close. “Okay.”

“Thank you…” she whispered as she buried her head against his neck and draped an arm across his chest. “I love you.”

“Love you, too,” he murmured even though he was already thinking how long it would take for Pepper to finally doze off just so he could slip out and get to tinkering on those projectors.

\---- --- ----

“I just think that it’s quite unfair that you wouldn’t go out with me unless I return Pepper’s file to the safe,” Peter whined to MJ over the phone while he made his way back to his bedroom, a mug of hot cocoa in his hand. “You still owe me a second date after all.”

“Just return the file, Peter.”

“You just want me to do that because you still believe Dad would someday tell me everything,” he sighed frustratingly before the door to Morgan’s nursery that was left ajar caught his attention. “MJ, Dad’s never going to confess.”

“You know, just return the file. If you really want to know what happened, ask Ms. Potts about L.A.. If she thinks you should know, she’ll tell you. Besides, they’re already happy, Peter.”

“I don’t think I can ask her about L.A., and you have no idea what just happened today.” He peeked inside the room and his father was definitely in there working. He glanced at his watch noting that it was past-midnight and he honestly wondered if Pepper knew where his father was or what he was doing. “I’ll tell you about it at school, but I have to go. Second date, don’t forget you owe me.”

“Not until you return the file, unopened. I mean it, Stark. Good night.”

MJ had dropped the call before he could even protest. He could just never really win, ever.

Peter knocked once before stepping inside the nursery but his father did not seem to notice. The man was sitting on the floor tinkering with one of the projectors, with his tablet beside him, running calibrations and rendering design images. Sitting nearby on his other side, was a glass of scotch and Peter just couldn’t help but comment about it.

“Dad, you’re drinking?”

“It’s just a glass,” his father replied, not looking up from his work and without any hint of surprise that Peter was actually in the room. He must have heard him knocking after all. “I just poured it, really, out of habit. I haven’t even gotten around to actually drinking it and I don’t think I will, if you’re wondering.”

Knowing about his father’s very public struggle for sobriety from before he was born, Peter had somehow already catalogued his dad’s drink of choice and accompanying mood and for when red flags seemed likely. Champagne was his celebratory drink, red wine for when he had a long day and he just wanted to take a breather, and scotch was usually reserved for the bad days, like Peter’s grandparents’ death anniversary or back when they all thought his father already lost Pepper to Killian. And yes, just a few weeks ago, too, during the whole paternity test drama.

Comforted that his father was not actually drinking, he nodded towards the projector parts scattered on the floor instead. “You’re too excited about the baby that you can’t wait to work on the nursery during the day? It’s past-midnight.”

“I’m excited about Morgan, yes. But you saw what happened today, Pepper doesn’t want me building the nursery just yet so I decided to work on it secretly, like whenever she’s at the office or when she’s asleep.” His father eyed him tiredly and Peter could only think of the several questions that he wanted to ask him since that afternoon. “Look, kid, I know you hate me right now, but please don’t tell Pepper that I’m building the nursery anyway.”

“Why doesn’t she want you working on it?”

“Because she thinks it’s still too early.”

Well that explained the afternoon’s events, just a bit. The intensity of Pepper’s reaction, though? Not that quite.

“I thought everything’s fine,” he murmured, frowning in concern while he watched his father adjust the angle of the projector. “Is something wrong? Is my baby sibling okay?”

“Everything _is_ fine. The baby’s fine.”

“Then that’s odd.”

Suddenly, everything Peter had heard that night in Malibu came to mind – _the baby_ , the secret sibling he knew he had but could never quite figure out why his dad kept hiding from him. At the back of his mind, he had always known that there was a good chance that Pepper had lost the baby in L.A.. All signs just pointed towards that theory – Pepper moving back to New York alone, the fight they had in Cornwall and his father’s sudden trip to L.A., their unplanned stay in Malibu and the conversations he overheard, Pepper’s anxiety over this pregnancy and her obvious distress when she first saw Morgan’s soon-to-be nursery…

_She must have really lost a baby back then… Was it during the accident? But why won’t Dad tell me about it?_

“Pete?” His father eyed him curiously and he must have asked him a question but Peter was too shaken by what he just realized. “You were saying?”

He sighed deeply, shaking his head as he tried very hard not to let the pain he felt for Pepper show. “I just thought she would be like most first-time mothers, you know, like in the movies? I thought she would be excited but I guess…”

“Then I guess Pepper’s at that point where she’s still more worried than excited, but I know she’ll come around. I just hope it’s soon.” His father motioned for the screwdriver near Peter’s foot, which he soon handed to him. “You know, I had fun preparing your nursery, I really did. So I just thought Pepper would be excited, too.”

That caught Peter’s attention and before he knew it, he was sitting cross-legged on the floor, the cup of hot cocoa still in his hand as he looked at his father quite skeptically. “You yourself set up mine fifteen years ago?”

His father merely smiled at him, perhaps sort of relieved that he was somehow talking to him kindly for the first time in weeks. “You have so little faith in me, kid.”

* * *

** 15 years ago, mid-July, Long Island NY:**

It was past ten in the morning, closer to eleven actually, by the time Tony finally woke up in his study at their newly moved in Long Island home. In spite of the amount of scotch he had from the previous night, the closest thing he had for a hangover was only a mild steady headache coupled with a stiff upper back and shoulders, a true testament indeed to the alcohol tolerance he had developed in the five long years that he had felt so lost. The stiff upper back and shoulders, however, he attributed that from spending the rest of the night asleep and hunched over the table. Still, he was quite sprightly for someone who had downed more than half a bottle of scotch solo.

Three cups of coffee later, he found himself in the room that was to be his son’s nursery in just about three weeks or so. The room had been repainted in various shades of blue and had been filled with more toys than any newborn would actually ever need. In the middle of it all was a white crib, already stuffed with pillows and blankets and a couple of onesies that Mary must have folded but forgotten to place in the nearby drawers. He approached the crib, tracing the rails as he reminded himself once more what he had decided on from the night before.

_Last night, that will be the last night that I’ll allow myself to mourn the love I lost, the woman I took for granted. It’s about time I really, truly try for the kid…_

His son would be coming in less than a month, and since he had kept himself distanced from Mary the whole time since the wedding, he had not really done anything to prepare for the kid’s imminent arrival. But that was about to change.

He eyed the nursery perceptively, thinking that it was too ordinary and that it look every bit the usual little boy’s nursery. But this kid, this will be _his_ kid, and Tony Stark never did anything ordinary. Still, he could use some help.

He took out his phone, frowning at first at the several missed calls from the night before, distinctly remembering Mary asking him if he would take the calls from Los Angeles. But true to his promise, he did not return that call. He did, however, call Rhodes back, seeing as it might be something important because the airman wouldn’t be trying to reach him multiple times if it wasn’t so.

“Tones?”

“Hey, Rhodey. Why were you calling at… two in the morning?” Tony asked, walking around the nursery, already revising the floor plan in his head.

“Yeah, I was calling because of some military contracts.”

“At two in the morning?”

“I know, I just forgot about the time difference.”

Tony frowned at that, it was very unlikely of Rhodes to forget such a detail. Did something happen?

“What did you need? What happened?”

“No… It’s okay, I’ve had it sorted out already.”

“Okay…” he dragged the syllables out, not quite convinced at all with what Rhodes had been telling him. Anyway, Tony called for a reason and he pulled his head back into the matter at hand. “Listen, buddy. I need you to fly to New York really soon, before the baby comes. Just for a day or two, I promise, I won’t take up much of your time, but I really need your help. Can you make it? Please?”

There was a long pause and Tony honestly wondered why Rhodes would hesitate to fly to New York. Did something happen at the base? Or in Santa Monica?

“Yeah… See you soon.”

He grinned even as he ended the call, stashing his phone in his pocket just as he put his hands on his hips, surveying the entire nursery.

“Yeah… This is just _too_ ordinary.”

\---- --- ----

Two weeks later, Rhodes was in the Long Island house attaching precious silver stars on the walls of the nursery while Tony busied himself by installing a new mobile for the crib. Tony grinned, very much satisfied with the Star Wars baby mobile that had felt versions of Darth Vader, Yoda, Luke, and Princess Leia circling above the crib.

“That looks cute,” Rhodes commented, gesturing towards the mobile as he finished with the wall. “I’m sure your son will be quite the little Jedi.”

“Right? Right?” Tony smirked happily, walking towards the table where Rhodes had placed the cookies Mama Rhodes had sent for him. “You left Mama Rhodes alone in Santa Monica?”

Rhodes frowned then schooled his face so quickly that Tony almost didn’t catch it. He was just about to ask if anything was amiss but his best friend beat him to it. “Mama’s not alone. She’s… keeping a friend company.”

Tony simply nodded, debating what he was about to say next because he knew that Rhodes would somehow make a comment about it. “Rhodey, I’m sure you know by now that you’ll be Peter’s godfather.”

“Peter?”

“Yeah, you know it’s what we’ve…” He was moving on, Tony reminded himself. “What _I’ve_ always wanted to name my kid.”

“And Mary agreed to it?” his best friend asked him, intentionally avoiding his gaze by not taking his eyes off the dresser knobs he had been changing to custom Star Wars knobs. There was no judgment in his voice either. “Does she know why you chose that name?”

Tony sighed deeply, shaking his head while he ran his hand through his hair. “She doesn’t, but she gets to decide on the second name so I think it’s only fair. We’re naming him after her favorite brother, Benjamin.”

“Tones…”

“I have to move on, Rhodey. I have to try, really try for the kid.” He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and forced himself not to think about _her_. “I’m moving on. I still want to name the kid Peter, but other than that, I’m moving on.”

* * *

** Present day, Manhattan NY: **

“A Star Wars nursery,” Peter couldn’t help but smile, never mind the fact that he was still quite angry at his father over that paternity test. “I remember seeing photos of that room, but I never thought you and Uncle Rhodey worked on it. I just thought you hired decorators.”

“So little faith…” his father remarked good-naturedly and for a while there, Peter realized he had missed this – the quiet moments when his dad would be tinkering in the workshop and they would just talk about anything and everything. Their dispute had been so tiring, to tell the truth. He was distracted from his thoughts when his father looked at him, smirking, “That holographic lamp you still have in your room that changes between different shapes like the Millennium Falcon and the Death Star and R2D2? That was originally from your nursery. It was a bit much for a baby room, but it’s too cool not to include.”

“I still use that lamp,” Peter muttered distractedly, eyeing the almost empty mug in his hand. “So why did you name me Peter? Benjamin’s after Uncle Ben, how about Peter?”

“Why? Would you rather I named you Howard instead?”

“Oh God, no.” He snickered before anxiously glancing towards the ceiling as if his grandfather could see him right now. “No offense, Grandpa, but Howard doesn’t sound cool for a fourteen year old.”

His father chuckled lightly before smiling pensively, pointedly avoiding his gaze by focusing on the projector instead. “I’ve chosen that name long before… long before I even thought I’d actually have kids of my own.”

“Long before Mom,” Peter added, the second half of that statement – _“Long before Mom, back when you imagined the future with Pepper”_ – was evidently not lost on either of them. Peter offered his father a tentative smile, hoping it was enough to tell him that it was okay, that he understood that Pepper would always be the love of his life. “Peter’s way better than Howard, anyway.”

They sat there in silence for a while, with Peter browsing through the calibrations in his father’s tablet and Tony working on the tinkering. The boy watched his father work and he did realize that regardless of what happened fifteen years ago and most especially if his theory about Pepper losing a baby in L.A. was true, Morgan was indeed _fifteen years in the making._ He still hated how his father reacted over that paternity test and he understood why Pepper would not want a nursery this early, but they both deserved to be happy. They had been waiting for this baby for almost two decades after all…

“Let me help…” Peter told his father before he could talk himself out of it. The older man just eyed him thoughtfully, a bit surprised and clearly wondering why he offered. “I’ll help you. Let’s work on Morgan’s nursery. Then Pepper can visit it once it’s done. I’m sure you’ll convince her, you always do.”

“Kid… Why are you doing this? I thought you’re still mad at me.”

That was true, he was still pretty miffed at his father’s impulse reaction about the paternity test, it nearly cost them both Pepper and the baby after all. But Peter thought that if Pepper _did_ lose a baby in L.A., things should be different this time, way different. They deserved to be happy, it was long overdue anyway.

“Because Pepper should have a happy pregnancy journey…” he told his father, leaving out the last part of the statement, the part that said, _this time around_. “And you are supposed to enjoy the journey as well before Morgan drives you crazy with all the screaming and crying.” His father laughed softly at that and Peter could almost picture him, already in his early forties and running after a little brat. “But it doesn’t mean that we’re burying the hatchet just like that, because yes, I’m still mad at you. Make it up to her and I might just forgive you for abandoning them over that paternity test.”

“Thank you, kid.”

Brown eyes so identical to his met him, and Peter almost gave in to the sincerity in his old man’s voice. Almost. He cleared his throat not wanting to choke, because Peter wouldn’t allow his father the satisfaction of knowing that he somehow got to him, and he was absolutely, most definitely, not going to just forgive him like that.

“I’ll help because it’s for Pepper and for my baby brother or sister. But I’m not here to bond with you.”

“I’ll take what I can get.” His father grinned, looking at him knowingly, but he pretended to ignore it.

“So… the Milky Way, huh?” Peter asked instead, changing the topic.

“Sounds cool?”

“Definitely very cool.”

\---- --- ----

“MJ, you have no idea how difficult this is,” Peter complained, his eyes not leaving his tablet as he continued to tap away in pursuit of his goal. “There are about 55,000 traffic accidents in L.A. per year, and it would take me _a while_ to go through each case record. And that’s assuming exactly fifteen years ago was the right year to begin with, never mind the fact that it’s not that easy to hack those police reports.”

It had been a few days since he and his father had started working on the nursery, and in spite of the limited window that they could actually work on it without Pepper knowing, their joint efforts had sped things up considerably. They were almost done with all the projectors and what his father had initially estimated as more than a month’s work solo, they had managed to accomplish in less than a week. Two, goal-oriented geniuses could really do so much wonder sometimes. Still, Peter had other ‘goals.’

They were walking along the school lobby a few minutes after the final bell rang and Peter was quite sure that MJ was simply humoring him. She was still adamant that he return Pepper’s file, unread and unopened, but he couldn’t. He was still convinced, after all, that the file held all the answers to his questions and giving it up would mean asking Pepper about the accident, which was exactly what his father had warned him not to do. So he held on to it, just in case he wouldn’t find anything through his research, which was the most likely outcome anyway if he was being honest.

“You’re probably right,” MJ agreed, but her teasing tone was not lost on Peter, at all. “I mean, your dad hacked the Pentagon, on a dare, but you are not your father.”

“Just because I haven’t hacked the Pentagon, _yet_ , doesn’t mean that I couldn’t. Maybe nobody just dared me to do it, or maybe I’d rather use my superpowers for good, you know?”

“Yeah, because what you’re doing right now, not to mention stealing your almost-stepmother’s file, counts as a good deed,” MJ quipped dryly.

Peter finally took his attention away from the tablet, (un)knowingly giving her the puppy eyes and all. “I just want to understand.”

When MJ raised her inquiring brows at him, Peter merely shrugged his shoulders and went on explaining. “I just want to understand a lot of things. Why Pepper still left fifteen years ago if she knew she was having Dad’s kid, or why she almost married Killian when clearly, she loves Dad, but most of all, what happened to that kid. Like, where is my sibling now?”

“You mean, your _hypothetical_ sibling.”

“Come on, MJ. We both know that sibling existed… exists. God, I really don’t know.”

“Then why don’t you just get this over and done with and read her file if you really want to know? Peter, it’s not like I could really stop you if you decide to do it.” He saw the way she eyed him knowingly, and he was quite sure there would be so much truth in what she was about to say next that he probably wouldn’t like it. “You’ve had the file for _weeks_ , it’s been almost a month since you heard them talking in Malibu, and from what you’re telling me, they seem happy already. That’s why I’ve been telling you to return the file, there’s no point to it anymore unless you just want the truth for the sake of knowing. But if you really wanted to know, you would’ve opened the file already. So you know what I’m thinking? I think that deep down, you’re scared of what you might find out.”

“I’m just… I’m still hoping to hear it straight from Dad,” he told her quietly, avoiding her gaze because Peter was quite sure she could read him like an open book right now. He directed his attention towards his tablet once more, choosing to continue with his research.

“And if you never do? Are you sure this is not some kind of guilt complex you’re having over the idea that your father might have _chosen_ to raise you instead of this hypothetical half-sibling?”

_Bullseye._

Peter had so many reasons for wanting to know what happened. For one, he had always wanted a sibling, and for another, he could never fathom how someone like his dad and Pepper, someone who had been so in love with each other for years, could break up just when they were about to have a child together. That was the very thing he wanted to understand, he wanted to know why his father just let Pepper walk away while she was pregnant, why his father chose him instead of the other kid, why his father couldn’t just choose both kids.

Peter actually had been feeling so guilty because of it.

“I just want to understand what happened back then because maybe if I know what happened and why, I can make sure that things are right just in time for Morgan.”

So there was his guilt over that other sibling, paraphrased and channeled towards protecting the younger sibling he was about to have.

Something must have clicked because MJ had stopped in her tracks to eye him speculatively, the look she was giving him screamed that she had figured him out, oh so suddenly. He didn’t like that look and he avoided it at all cost.

“You’re scared your dad might again do something that would make her leave,” MJ stated, because it was obviously never meant to be a question in the first place. “You’re not just worried about Morgan, you’re worried about Ms. Potts, too.”

“I’m worried about Dad…” he expertly dodged the accusations. “Because even if he makes really questionable decisions at times, I still want the best for him.”

“Sure you do,” MJ nodded sounding so unconvinced. To be honest, she looked like she just solved a mystery, the mystery that was Peter Parker-Stark. “But _you_ don’t want to lose this, too. Peter, you now have a mom, an almost-mom, and a sibling. It’s all you ever wanted, that’s why you’re so angry at your dad over that paternity test. Huh, I can’t believe I didn’t figure this out sooner.”

It was a blessing that Peter spotted the silver Audi just in time before MJ could cross-examine him any further. “Alright, I think I have to go,” he nodded in the direction of his dad’s car.

“You and your dad called a truce?”

“It’s just while we’re building Morgan’s nursery, which I am once again reminding you is a secret. Pepper doesn’t know.”

“Hey. It’s okay, you know?” MJ reached out to squeeze his arm reassuringly, sounding serious and understanding and not at all teasing. “There’s nothing wrong with admitting that you like her enough to be your mom… that if she leaves, it would hurt not just your dad but also you. You’re not replacing your mom, Peter. You’re just getting another one, and nobody said you can only have one.”

How could she read him so easily? Was he _that_ obvious? And how could MJ be so perceptive about something he had not even realized until now?

_You've realized it long before, you just haven't had the courage to admit it to anyone including yourself..._

“MJ, I…”

_I really like you, you know?_

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” he told her instead, and before he knew it, he placed an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into a side hug, lightly kissed her temple and murmured, “Thank you.”

He pulled away and quickly jogged towards the waiting Audi, not risking a glance behind him because he was quite certain that MJ looked just as surprised as he at what he did.

\---- --- ----

Tony was grinning behind the heavily tinted windows of the Audi by the time Peter hopped into the passenger seat. He was debating whether to comment about that hug he saw but he thought it better not to, _just yet_. The past few days that they had been working on the nursery had been perfect, it was almost as if he had his teenage son back, and while Peter would often insist that they were not bonding and that the kid was just doing this for his soon-to-be sibling, Tony knew better. Still, he didn’t want to gamble with their precarious truce just so he could embarrass the kid over his young love.

“Hey,” was all Peter muttered by the time he got in the car and Tony started driving away from the school’s parking lot. He handed his Stark Pad over to the kid, letting him go through the calibrations of the images that they will be projecting in the nursery.

“Why are you so insistent about the Milky Way, Dad?”

“It’s an homage, kid,” Tony told him as he breezed through Paul Avenue. “My second date with Pepper, I took her to this gallery in Brooklyn where I made installations that projected into the ceiling. She likes art and I’m a science nerd, so I married the two idea.”

“So you made her a private planetarium for your second date? Considering you almost killed her on the first date, I’d say you did make it up to her.”

“Yeah, I believe I did.”

“You really like her a lot even then, even that early.”

“Well, it’s not any different from the way you look at MJ, actually,” Tony expertly steered the topic and he couldn’t help but chuckle when he noticed Peter shook his head in resignation. “I saw that kiss on the temple, by the way. Real smooth, kid, real smooth… considering she’s got a few inches on you.”

Peter crossed his arms in front of him, staring at the road ahead looking mortified and embarrassed. “You’re one to talk, considering even barefoot, Pepper’s taller than you. And yes, I notice that in the mornings when she’s barefoot in the kitchen.”

“By an inch, half an inch.” Still, Tony would not be deterred in embarrassing the kid. He had missed their banter after all. “But I saw the kiss, that wasn’t really subtle.”

“Okay. We’re not talking about _that_.”

“Have you gone on that second date yet?”

“Dad, I agreed to help you build Morgan’s nursery. I’m doing that for Pepper and the baby, but I didn’t say we can be chummy.”

_Yeah, right, kid. Whatever you say._

“You know, you’re cute when you’re embarrassed,” Tony noted, stating the obvious while he stole a sidelong glance at the kid who was suddenly so preoccupied with watching the traffic ahead.

“I told you, Dad… I’m not here to bond. I still haven’t forgotten what you did almost two weeks ago.”

“ _That_. Again, I’m sorry, kid.”

“I know…”

Peter’s reply had been a quiet one, and the kid didn’t even sound angry or frustrated anymore. He simply seemed tired, from all the fighting, the complications, the drastic changes, and Tony sometimes couldn’t help but feel guilty that he had dragged the kid into his very complicated relationship with Pepper. Still, whenever he would watch the boy interact with Pepper, he realized he had never really seen the kid this happy. And Pepper had been nothing but kind, loving to the kid…

“Then why are we still fighting?” he asked, even if he knew deep down what Peter had really been stressing about.

“I _know_ you’re sorry, Dad,” the boy muttered, leaning his head back against the head rest and closing his eyes while they were stuck in New York traffic. “It doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you already.”

“Pepper’s forgiven me.” The kid didn’t say a word but Tony had caught the way Peter raised his brows even with his eyes still closed, so Tony went on explaining. “And yes, I am sure of it. I wish I could tell you how we made up that night but that would be beyond PG, and kid, you have no idea _how_ we made up that night.”

“TMI, Dad.”

Tony chuckled lightly, pleased that, somehow, the kid had not dropped the conversation just yet. “You haven’t answered my question. Why are we still fighting?”

It took a while before Peter said anything and Tony actually thought that the kid had finally dozed off. But his reply was so simple and so quiet that Tony knew at that moment that he had been right all along. He knew exactly why Peter had been so angry at him.

“You can’t screw up again, Dad.”

“I know.”

“I’m serious. You can’t lose Pepper again. You can’t lose Morgan.”

“And _you_ won’t lose them either, I promise you that.” Tony caught Peter, in his peripheral gaze, looking at him quietly. He tried to suppress a smile that was creeping in his face, because really, why was Peter so surprised that he knew what was truly bothering the kid? “Isn’t that what you’re worried about?”

“I’m worried about you—”

“Kid, it’s okay to admit that you see Pepper as your mom.”

“Dad, I just meant—”

“Pete, kid, it’s okay,” Tony assured the kid and he somehow wished that he had realized this sooner rather than later, for Peter’s sake at least. “I saw how you reacted when she prepared you school lunch for the very first time. I know she cooks you breakfast ever since she moved in, because even if her morning sickness bothers her so much, she gets up anyway just to cook you waffles before she needs to rush to her meetings.”

“Dad…”

“You lost your mother, and eventually just having a dad is no longer enough. You’re not offending me just because you want a mom as well. You’re not betraying the memory of your mother either.”

Peter didn’t say a word soon after that and Tony wondered if maybe, he had hit the bullseye so hard. He was just about to say something when they hit the Mosholu Parkway, but then Peter beat him to it.

“I just really like her, Dad. She’s kind to me, well she’s kind to everyone really, but especially to me even if I’m… even if Mom was the reason why…” Peter shook his head, sighing sadly. “She treats me like her own and I can’t even call her Mom and…”

Tony smiled at that because, really, that was the end goal anyway. “Would you like to? Because I want that for you, too… except she keeps dodging my marriage proposals. I’ve tried asking her a lot of times.”

“Maybe she has her reasons…”

“She’s pregnant with my child, kid.”

“And so?” Peter asked him in that tone that screamed _‘Are you serious, Dad?’_ and Tony frowned at that, stepping on the gas unnecessarily hard. “She’s a modern woman, Dad. If she decides to do so, she can raise Morgan all on her own, so consider the fact that she’s with you a privilege and not a right.”

“I know that, really.”

_Believe me, kid, I’ve learned that lesson the hard way, fifteen years ago._

“And don’t expect that you can trap her into marrying you just because you knocked her up. If anything, she is _letting_ you do this baby thing with her.”

The kid had a point and just as much as Tony had pointed out for Peter what the kid had been trying not to admit all along, his son just did the same for him. Apple, tree, yeah that was accurate.

“So you’re saying I’m dispensable…”

“To Pepper? I don’t think so, and that’s mainly because she really loves you.” Peter muttered pensively as they continued on to the Henry Hudson Parkway. “She loves you, Dad, but it doesn’t mean that Morgan’s going to be your insurance that she will stay with you even if you repeatedly screw up. So don’t screw up… again… please.”

_I won’t, kid. For you, for Andros, for Morgan… for all our sakes._

“And to you?” Tony asked, choosing to direct his gaze solely ahead. He thought he couldn’t bear to see the look on Peter’s face when the kid would finally tell him that yes, he was expendable. “Am I dispensable to you now?”

Peter was growing up and turning out so well, even better than the way Tony always knew he would be. He felt proud, but he was also starting to feel old and left out. It was a good thing a new baby was coming, because that whole afternoon alone made him realize that the baby boy he raised all on his own was slowly becoming a grown man. And Tony was so, so proud of him…

“You’re my dad. The question is kinda moot and academic… And again, let’s not talk about it because I’m not here to bond with you.”

Tony couldn’t help but smile a bit. His little boy was still in there somewhere after all, that he was so sure of.

“Sure you don’t, kid, sure you don’t… But hey, silver lining, at least we’re spending time together, even if you don’t wanna call it bonding…”

“Ooh, dark cloud, I haven’t fully forgiven you.”

Tony chuckled lightly at Peter’s teasing tone. He knew the kid meant it, he really was yet to be forgiven, but he’d like to think they were in a better place now than they did more than two weeks ago.

_Yeah, we’ll get there, kiddo._

* * *

** 23 years ago, March, Brooklyn NY: **

“Okay… What are you doing?” Pepper remarked when she stepped inside a private gallery in Brooklyn only to find Tony lying on his back and… tinkering. “I think I’m overdressed, not to mention unqualified, for a night of engineering. I was promised a second date, you know?”

Tony chuckled lightly at her comment as he got up to pull the Japanese futon and blankets he had stashed in one corner. He spread it in the middle of the room before tossing a few throw pillows as well and setting down what appeared to be a picnic basket.

“You’re early, Potts. You’re not supposed to be here until…” he glanced briefly at his watch before giving her that boyish grin he may or may not be aware was making her heart flutter. “Well, until twenty minutes ago.”

“And here I thought I was running late. I got held up at SI, they were rushing a lot of paper works for your dad.”

“Yeah, he leaves for Tokyo tomorrow night.” Tony frowned at the thought and even if she did notice, she thought better not to ask him about it. “Some merger proposal meeting with the Fujikawas.”

“You’re not joining him?” Pepper asked, because Tony was supposed to be learning the ropes after all.

“I should be, but I don’t want to.” Tony smirked at her instead, patting the space beside him on the futon before opening the picnic basket to bring out a pair of glasses and a bottle of red wine. “Come here, Pep. Join me, please?”

“I’m not sleeping with you on the second date.”

“I know… We haven’t even kissed, and that’s why I’m not even going to try to seduce you.” He filled each glass then set them aside, giving the wine some time to breathe. “Will you relax and just trust me?”

She raised an eyebrow at him, watching him as he lay down on one side of the makeshift bed until he was expectantly looking back at her.

“Pep, I swear I’m not going to try anything,” he assured her, and when she didn’t even move an inch, he added, “The, uh, art piece projects into the ceiling.”

He pointed towards the ceiling and Pepper, for the first time, noticed the portable dome screen that had been mounted there. She honestly didn’t know whether to feel flattered or concerned, Tony really had this tendency to overdo things.

“Tony… You did all these?”

“Uh-huh.”

She stepped out of her heels and gracefully lay down beside him, holding her breath as Tony clicked a remote which switched off all the lights in the gallery. She heard another click and the quiet hum of projectors going to life filled the room just as the Milky Way was projected above their heads, in what would count as a private planetarium.

“I see you’re still doing anything to get a girl on her back, huh?”

“Not just any girl, Pep… Only you.”

“This is… It’s beautiful, Tony.” She turned her head to the side so she could look at him but he wasn’t watching the installations at all. He was just there, staring at her, studying her. “What?”

He shook his head, smiling at her as if she was holding his universe together. “You’re beautiful.” He then stared towards the dome screen to avoid her gaze, suddenly so conscious about what he was about to tell her next. “Do you like it?”

“I do… It’s perfect, everything is.” She gazed back towards the projections and reached out to gently squeeze his hand. “Thank you, Tony.”

“Well, I did promise you a better second date.”

That made her smile, he did make up for that memorable first date after all. “Where did you get this idea?”

“Well, I imagined that a quiet night of stargazing would be a great date idea but since this is New York, it’s not doable. But you love art and galleries, and I didn’t graduate from MIT for nothing so I might as well put those engineering skills to use. I’m glad you like it.”

“I love it,” she murmured, sighing contently without realizing that she had moved closer to him and had been leaning her head against his shoulder.

“That’s good, and I love it, too, that’s why I think this is too great of an idea for just one-time use. So you’ll be seeing more of this, perhaps years from now.” He glanced at her and he probably saw the puzzled look on her face because he went on to explain, although quite hesitantly. “When we do have a kid, I’ll turn the baby’s nursery into a mini-planetarium, just like this. And we could just lie there on the floor and teach him or her all the constellations.”

_When… it wasn’t even if… ‘If’ we do have a kid…_

The idea was overwhelming, but at the same time, it made her feel warm. Pepper had always been pragmatic and she most absolutely did not believe in love at first sight, but Tony… Tony had swept her off her feet since day one. There was just something about this unassuming, misunderstood side of him that was never really known to the public, that aside from his mother, probably only Pepper knew about. But still…

“Tony, this is a _second_ date,” she chided him gently. Should they really be talking about kids at this point? Probably no. A normal couple wouldn’t.

“Well, I did introduce you to Mom, almost killed you, and landed you at the ER all on the first date. So if you’re about to tell me to take things slow, I think we’re doing just that and this is actually a big downgrade.”

In the short time that she had actually known Tony, she had already realized that this was his talent, he could talk his way in and out of things. He was smart, he was a charmer, and he always got what he wanted. It was true that he wasn’t rushing her, that he wasn’t trying anything, which was a relief because Pepper really wasn’t ready… that and she was not that _easy_. Still, there was something about Tony, and that something made her feel… safe.

So she humored him, since she was quite sure he hadn’t thought this through, yet.

“This kid…” Pepper whispered and she felt Tony shift beside her, moving to put an arm around her shoulders so he could pull her closer. She let him, leaning on her side instead so she could drape an arm over his waist while she rested her head on his chest. “And what would be this kid’s name?”

But Tony was good at thinking on his feet… well, either that or he had really given the matter some thought. He sounded so certain. “Well, I think our firstborn will be a boy, and we’re going to name him Peter.”

“Peter?”

“Yeah, Peter. It’s like Pepper and Tony combined, somehow.”

“Have I mentioned this is the weirdest second date I’ve ever had?” Pepper told him, quite honestly actually. “Weirdest, but sweetest… and pretty intense, too. From what I heard, talking baby names are usually reserved for a little ways down the road, usually not on second dates.”

“I wouldn’t know…” he admitted sounding so pensive, prompting Pepper to prop herself up on her elbow so she could look at him properly. “I never made it past the first date, never met anyone I actually liked. When you think about it, I don’t think those would even qualify as first dates.”

“Tony…”

“It’s like my head just got clearer, you know? I met you and I just… I just finally know what I have to do, what I want to do… And I know in my heart that it’s right.”

She really didn’t know how to respond to that, but Tony Stark had just basically given her his heart. She knew he must have felt so raw, and the courage it took to be that vulnerable… to put everything you have on that one person… Pepper had a fairly good idea of how exactly it felt to do just that. She had been all alone for quite some time now, after all.

“I’m scaring you…” Tony observed, but she shook her head no. She wasn’t scared. Well actually she was, but it was the good kind of scared.

“No, well, yes, but… I was just… I never—”

Pepper Potts was smart, a mind-over-matter kind of girl. She was a sensible girl, she always had been, exactly the kind that wouldn’t fall victim to Tony Stark’s puppy eyes and charming smile. But in one moment of weakness, in that one single moment when she let her heart rule over her head… she didn’t know it then but its effect would ripple down even until twenty years into the future.

She leaned forward, her lips meeting his in what she thought was perhaps the most chaste, the gentlest kiss that Tony had ever shared with someone. He kissed her back, avidly, cupping her face gently even as she slowly pulled away, his brown eyes searching hers.

“That was… unexpected…” Tony whispered breathlessly, but still managing to sound so surprised and confused that Pepper was starting to think that maybe she should not have kissed him at all. What was she thinking?

_But he kissed me back, didn’t he?_

“I’m sorry, Tony… I didn’t meant to… I don’t know what came over me and—”

“No, no. It’s just…” He reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, smiling at her reassuringly. “I’m so glad we finally kissed. It’s just… nobody’s ever looked at me the way you just did. To be honest, I don’t think they really looked at me at all…”

“Tony…”

“Come here,” he pulled her to him, tucking her beside him while he kissed the top of her head.

They lay there in comfortable silence for a while until Tony broke into the quiet, and even if she couldn’t see him, she knew he was wearing that smirk that she hadn’t realized she had grown so fond of seeing.

“Pep… I would now have to name the kid Peter, wouldn’t I?”

“Probably. Why Peter though? Aside from it being a combination of our names, which seemed so forced by the way,” she teased him and Tony lightly poked her side in return.

“It means rock,” he told her quietly while he hugged her to him closer, tighter. “You’re my rock, Pep. You and that kid will be.”

* * *

**Present day, Manhattan NY:**

By Friday afternoon, almost a week since Pepper’s panic over the nursery, Tony had finished the calibrations and rendering of the projectors. He even managed to sneak in the delivery of a couple of furniture, nothing much, just a crib and a rocking chair, just so he had a fair idea on where these could be placed with the best view of the dome screen. Yes, he was _that_ detail-oriented when it came to such things.

With the dome screen and projectors completed, he was currently obsessing at his workshop making his own prototype for the baby monitor when he noticed Happy depositing the Bentley at the far end of the garage. He glanced at his computer screen, checking the time because he honestly thought he just lock track of it, and frowned when he realized that office hours wouldn’t even end for another three hours.

_Did something happen?_

He checked his phone, but there were no missed calls nor any messages from Pepper. And surely, Happy wouldn’t be _this_ calm if something did happen, would he?

“Hap, why are you here?” he called out from the other side of the workshop while saving his files as he went along. He was certain he wouldn’t be able to work on it for the rest of the afternoon anyway.

“Pepper’s home.”

“But it’s only two in the afternoon, did something happen?”

Happy shook his head, although if it was in response to his question or because the man had no idea what was going on was just unclear to Tony. “She just called, told me she wanted to go home early. She was quiet during the drive home, she actually looked a bit sick if you ask me, but she told me she was fine.”

 _Must be the hyperemesis,_ Tony thought. She was only on her eleventh week, it was still a long way to go considering the doctors advised them it could last until before twenty weeks. And Tony couldn’t wait for her to reach twenty weeks, if that would mean she would stop being so sick the whole time.

He headed out of the workshop and took the stairs to their bedroom two at a time. He was just about to take the next flight of stairs when he saw the open door to the nursery and when he did peek inside, there she was. She was sitting in the rocking chair, her eyes which were filled with tears were gazing towards the projection of the Milky Way into the dome screen, while she clutched Andros’ blue blanket close to her chest.

She was crying quietly, and Tony’s first instinct was to apologize and he was about to do just that when he noticed a small smile graced her features.

“Hey…” he murmured softly, not moving from his spot by the doorway just so he wouldn’t make her feel crowded. “Happy told me you went home early.”

“The nausea’s bad,” she explained, not tearing her eyes away from the projection. “You did it, Tony, just like what you did in that gallery in Brooklyn.”

“I know you told me not to and I’m sorry I—”

“I’m glad you did… It’s beautiful…”

So she wasn’t mad at him, but why was she crying? Mood swings? Pregnancy hormones?

Tony sighed, somewhat relieved, and moved towards the room to scoop her in his arms while he himself took the rocking chair. He settled her on his lap, her head resting on his shoulder while they watched the projection into the dome screen quietly for some time.

“You keep all your promises,” Pepper murmured, sighing as she closed her eyes and rested her head against his neck. “You still named the kid Peter, you made this nursery… Andros would have been lucky to have you, just like Peter and Morgan are…”

He didn’t know where that came from, but he figured it was probably her own way of telling him that she didn't really mean to take Andros away from him, that had the child been alive she would not have kept the boy from him for long, that she didn’t mind that he named his son Peter, a name they somehow chose together… Tony understood, and he knew Pepper always meant it whenever she would say that somehow, Peter had always been hers, too.

“I love you, Pep… I’ll do anything for you, for the kids…” he murmured, kissing her hair before gazing back at the installation. He grinned so suddenly, remembering what she had just told him. “Wait, does that mean you’re finally agreeing with the name Morgan? Honey, you just called the baby Morgan.”

She simply leaned in closer, burying her head at the crook of his neck, breathing him in as he felt a small smile form on her lips. He gently rocked her to sleep, knowing that she must be feeling so exhausted since she decided to go home early. He could convince her some more about the name some other time.

He dipped his head a bit just to check if she had finally dozed off when he noticed that she was still clutching Andros’ blanket close to her chest. He honestly had no idea how he could reassure her that everything would be okay, he knew that he couldn’t, not until Morgan was born screaming his or her lungs out. But he could make a promise, another one that he intended to keep.

“Pep, I promise to never get you pregnant again, even if I want more kids… or even if _you_ want more kids, I doubt you would anyway,” he murmured, gazing towards the constellations that had been forming on the dome screen. “The severe morning sickness, it’s fine. I can pretend to look away because I know it will eventually pass. But you’re so lonely most of the time and seeing you so unhappy most days, it’s just not worth it. I miss your smile, your laughter…”

He kissed her temple, sealing a promise that he intended to keep at all costs. “Pep, I promise you this is the last time. I’ll never put you through this again, and I’m so sorry that I have ruined all possible future pregnancy experiences for you… I’m so sorry we lost Andros…”

\---- --- ----

Peter headed straight for the nursery as soon as Happy pulled over in the garage and after he noticed that his father wasn’t working in the workshop. It was close to five in the afternoon, and he honestly doubt if they could get some work done in the nursery because Pepper would be home soon anyway. Still, even if they were done with the projectors, a lot still needed to be done – sound system for the lullabies, the baby monitor, not to mention the actual furniture… Peter really was starting to understand the thrill of getting the nursery ready for his baby sibling.

He saw the door to the nursery had been left ajar and when he did step inside, he couldn’t help but smile at the scene that greeted him. His father was asleep in the rocking chair, holding an also sleeping Pepper in his arms, while the installations were projected into the dome screen above them. The two looked peaceful and for the first time since the paternity test incident, Peter was assured that, indeed, everything would be alright.

He didn’t know how Pepper initially took the sight of the nursery, but he could only hope that his father didn’t have a difficult time convincing her that it was okay, that it was never too early to get things ready, that the baby would be fine in the end. So he thought, he could at least extend some help.

He quietly grabbed a pen and paper, scribbling a note intended for Pepper. He wasn’t his father’s biggest fan right now, but it didn’t mean that he would not help the man. All Peter wanted after all was a family, _this_ family – his dad, Pepper, this sibling – and he would do anything, anything to convince Pepper that his father deserved to keep her after all.

He folded the note and decided that he should probably just leave it in Pepper’s hands when he noticed a baby blue cloth on the floor close to the rocking chair. He went to pick it up, realizing that it was a baby blanket that Pepper must have dropped when she finally dozed off. He folded the blanket neatly, leaving it in Pepper’s hands along with the note, and he was just about to turn and leave the room when the monogram on the cloth caught his eye.

_A.E.S._

It was probably his father’s, although how and why Pepper had it puzzled Peter somehow. He knew that a lot of their old stuff was in storage back at the house in Malibu, that and the fact that they only found out about Morgan _after_ they were back in Manhattan. There was just no way that his father would have retrieved it and brought it home with them at the time.

_Unless…_

If he was being honest, he knew the blanket wasn’t really his father’s. It still looked new, after all, clearly unused or at the very most, slightly used. And it just didn’t make sense that it was recently bought, because Pepper had made sure that they weren’t buying baby clothes just yet.

_It was my sibling’s… the other sibling…_

\---- --- ----

“Tony… Tony, wake up…” Pepper nudged him gently awake, shoving a note for him to read.

“What is this?” he muttered, still disoriented as he recognized his son’s handwriting. He took the note, reading it quietly while Pepper rested her head on his shoulder, watching him intently.

> _Pepper,_
> 
> _Dad made this for you, I helped but it’s mostly Dad. He made this not just for Morgan but because of you… Because even after 22 years, he hasn’t forgotten about your second date, just like he remembers every single detail about you and the time he spent with you. I didn’t like that Dad had doubts about Morgan’s paternity, but at the end of it all, he loves you. He really tries for you._
> 
> _— Peter_

Tony couldn’t help but smile. The kid had not really changed, in spite of all their fights, his son was still in there after all.

\---- --- ----

Peter had left the nursery quietly just when every single piece of the puzzle slotted back in place. Pepper left fifteen years ago. She must have had the baby in L.A.. She then came back to New York, his father found out about the kid, they fought about it in Connecticut. His dad flew to L.A. to see that kid, and then…

There were two possibilities running in Peter’s head – either Pepper gave up the kid for adoption or she lost the kid, at some point, in that accident. He couldn’t imagine Pepper giving up a kid, she just wouldn’t, he knew she couldn’t. That and the fact that between the two scenarios, Peter knew that the former was merely his own wishful thinking. Still, even if he knew the odds, there was no harm in hoping that his sibling was somewhere out there, just living with a different surname.

He stepped inside his room, grabbed Pepper’s file, and dialed MJ, feeling like he was merely on autopilot.

“Peter?”

“I need you…”

She must have heard the desperation in his voice because she didn’t comment or tease him about it.

“Okay… What’s going on?”

“Pepper had a baby, fifteen years ago.” He took a deep breath, trying to keep his head clear from all unnecessary assumptions. “Either she gave it up or she lost the baby.”

“Are you sure? Don’t you think your dad would’ve known?”

“What if he didn’t? What if she left without him knowing?”

“I don’t know, Peter. It just doesn’t make sense that Ms. Potts would leave if she knew she was having his baby.”

“I agree, so she must have left for a reason.” He grabbed his coat, stashing Pepper’s file in his inside pocket while he made his way for the door. “Can I come and see you?”

“Okay… But don’t do anything just yet. Don’t open the file, promise me you won’t.”

“Okay…” He closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths in an attempt to keep a clear head. He knew he was only fooling himself by thinking that there was a chance that Pepper gave up a baby for adoption. Peter, deep down, already knew what really happened. “Okay…”

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the words of the great Tony Stark, “Oh it’s good to be back.” 😊
> 
> I was quite sure I wouldn’t be able to update just yet (my academic endeavor's not yet done, but already almost), but it's been a month since the last update so... I just had to.
> 
> The quote summarizing the chapter was lifted from Duncan Macmillan's Lungs (I know, I really like that play so much, I just couldn't stress it enough), right about the part where (SPOILER) the couple goes through a miscarriage.
> 
> The plot for this chapter has been sitting in the drafts since April. It's actually one of the non-negotiable plots in my head, I don’t know why. That being said, even if I really, really pushed for this plot, I know that maybe this chapter might seem like a filler to some, and I won't hold it against you if you think it is so.
> 
> And then there were a lot of callbacks from the previous chapters:  
> \- Chapter 2, It's Not A Date, when Tony saw Pepper waiting for a cab at the SI Tower's lobby.  
> \- Chapter 12, Los Angeles, when Rhodes was in the hospital following the accident and Tony called but Rhodes made the excuse that he was calling because of military contracts, Tony's side of the conversation was the one which happened at Peter's nursery. Rhodey and Tony working on Peter's nursery coincided with Mama Rhodes' visit to Pepper. Also, Rhodey helping box up Andros' nursery was the reason why he couldn't fly to NY when Peter was born, he did mention this when he and Tony talked after Cornwall.
> 
> Also, (present day) Rhodey had actually been away for six chapters, hence the "I missed a chapter, or six."
> 
> But let me just gush about the thought that Peter kept saying, "I'm not here to bond with you, I'm just helping you because this is for Pepper and for Morgan." Yeah, right, kid. 😉
> 
> Tony takes care of Pepper this time around. About time, too, because she has always taken good care of him in the past, in spite of and despite everything. He really has grown so much since "The Steps of The Met," don't you agree?
> 
> And I guess, now we know why Pepper would always say that Peter, somehow, had always been her kid, too.
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you think? And maybe what you wish to see? Like, do you want Peter to find out already? Because there are two drafts for the next chapter, and I'm still torn. Let me know? Because, as always, I’d love to know. ❤


	21. The Lost Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tell her you love her. Never forget what she must be going through. And then, one day... Be prepared for her to sacrifice everything for them."—Lillian Salvatore, The Vampire Diaries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is one of my favorite chapters so far, the tone of the story being so similar to that of The Dark Night (Chapter 15) and The Week at Point Dume (Chapter 16).
> 
> I hope you have fun reading it just as much as I enjoyed working on it. Happy reading, enjoy this ~15K update, and please don't forget to leave some love for this chapter! ❤

** Present day, March, Manhattan NY: **

“What are you looking at?” Pepper asked as she forked through the last of her mushroom ragu with garganelli. She had caught him staring, but he couldn’t help but smile at her contentedly.

They had stepped out that night and Tony had rented out the private wine room of an Italian restaurant along 10th Street for what was supposed to be a family dinner. He had wanted to celebrate two things – the fact that Pepper seemed to be warming up to the idea of preparing for Morgan’s arrival this early (she did seem to appreciate the work that he and Peter had put in the nursery after all, and was not anxious even if he did break his promise that he would not be working on the nursery anytime soon), and the thought that in spite of all their recent quarrels, his son was apparently still the same thoughtful, fourteen year-old boy he had always known. But what was supposed to be a family dinner was turned into a romantic dinner for two, not that he was complaining, only that the irony of it being he reserved a private wine room but his dinner date was not even supposed to be having wine at all, a pregnancy drawback, one that Pepper did not seem to mind. To tell the truth, Tony was just glad to see her eating and happy and peaceful. He knew that the note Peter left for her that afternoon, which she let him read, was responsible for her mood, because it did lift his own spirits as well.

“I’m looking at you…” Tony smiled at her adoringly, realizing that it had been a while since he last saw her _this_ happy. “You’re eating and you look happy, peaceful, even. I’m just glad seeing you like this.”

_Because it has been a while since I actually made you smile, so maybe, I must be doing something right after all._

“Not that I’m complaining because I think we’re due for a dinner date anyway, but it would have been great if Peter’s here with us,” he added while he took out his phone only to find that his messages had not been answered and his calls had not been returned by his son. “Or if I actually at least have an idea about his whereabouts.”

As if on cue, Pepper’s phone buzzed and once she had read the message, she smiled reassuringly at him, clearly wanting to put his mind at ease. “Peter says he’s with MJ and that he hopes we’re having a great time on our date.”

“He replies to you?” Tony asked, and he could not actually decide whether he should be glad that his son and Pepper were close or he should be frustrated that, regardless of what Peter said in his note for Pepper, he and his son were still apparently on the outs. “That’s it, Honey. I’ve officially become my father.”

Pepper was obviously trying to stifle a grin as soon as he made that remark, and he was just glad that she loved him enough to _try_ not to tease him about it. She knew that Howard’s parenting was still a sensitive topic for him, even after all these years.

“Your father’s not entirely bad, you know that.” She eyed him knowingly and as much as he would like to contest it, she did have a point. He didn’t need her reminding him of that investors’ dinner party once more. “Let’s just get the check, Tony. Unless you want more wine?”

“Don’t you want dessert?” He motioned at the staff to ask for the check without taking his eyes off of her.

“How about you give Happy the rest of the night off and let’s just walk home? It’s quite early, we can stop by Ladurée on our way.”

“Pep, it’s more than an hour’s walk to the house.”

“These heels are actually comfortable, Tony,” she stated matter-of-factly, and he couldn’t help but give in. He was just so hopelessly in love. “Besides, I miss our long walks, and our talks during those long walks.”

“I’m just worried about you and the baby.”

He was quite sure that the expression on Pepper’s face was a mix of both appreciation and annoyance, but he could only hope that it was more of the former than the latter.

“I’m pregnant, Tony, not an invalid,” she reminded him as he helped her put her coat on before taking his proffered arm as they stepped out to the surprisingly quiet New York night.

They headed east towards Bleecker Street, passing by a few onlookers who took photos of them quite conspicuously but Tony did not seem to mind. The long walk felt familiar, and he couldn’t help but think back to those days from some twenty years ago when he would patiently wait for Pepper’s classes to end and they would take late afternoon strolls from Columbia University to Central Park. They would talk about anything and everything during those simpler days, but not necessarily, Tony realized, happier days.

Truth be told, he was happier now, they were happier now that a new baby was on the way. Things were indeed complicated twenty years later, but honestly, he was beginning to believe that things were at least finally falling into place. Somehow, he knew that the only thing left for him to do was to earn Peter’s forgiveness and he felt assured that they were getting there, at least based on the afternoons they spent working on Morgan’s nursery.

“What’s on your mind?” Pepper asked him after some time, just as they turned left onto Fifth Avenue. “You’ve been awfully quiet, I’m not used to it.”

“Nothing much, really.” He leaned sideways to kiss her on the cheek, and he was quite sure she was blushing even under the cold dark sky. “I’m just glad you loved the nursery, bonus points as well because I got to spend time with Pete working on it.”

“You know…” she hesitated, sounding so pensive and longing. “I’m surprised you remembered the nursery idea from twenty two years ago.”

“Of course I remember. You’ll be surprised at the many things I remember about you, about us,” he paused, as if trying to collect his thoughts. “Although I have to admit, I honestly thought you’ve already forgotten that we chose the name Peter together.”

“I haven’t.” She sounded so wistful and he couldn’t help but wonder, what if? But he let the thought slide, it wasn’t as if this was the first time he had thought about it anyway. “When I first saw Peter at SI, I was so sure he was your kid. The hair, the eyes, the mannerisms? Put those together with the name and I knew it was a dead giveaway. The badge which says Peter Parker did fool me, but I eventually put two and two together, remember? During Thanksgiving?”

Tony couldn’t help but smirk. He bit his lip, quite amused at the fact that a lot had happened since. They had really come a long way since then.

“I remember because oddly enough, Pep, that’s one of the best Thanksgivings I’ve ever had.”

“You don’t say.”

She was laughing adorably and he couldn’t help but press a kiss against her cheek once more because he had missed this. He had missed the fun carefree days, the long quiet walks, the way that she had no idea that she sometimes laughed like a four year-old. And he loved that, he loved all of it.

“So if you haven’t forgotten the name we chose together, why did you name our baby Andros instead?” He stole a quick glance in her direction, just trying to gauge her reaction. Because if this would change her mood for the night, he was almost ready to kick his stupid self for asking. “I was just wondering…”

Pepper sighed deeply, chewing her lower lip as if trying to decide whether she would answer him or not. But she did so anyway, although the way that she simply stared longingly ahead did not skip his notice. He knew she still longed for Andros, they always would.

“I was certain that I didn’t want to keep the boy from you forever, but when I left New York, I wasn’t really sure if the baby would have a chance to meet you, someday…” she paused, as if trying to find the right words that would make Tony feel less guilty, even if he knew it wasn’t possible. “Not because I’d get in the way of that but because I wasn’t sure if… I wasn’t sure if you’d want to meet him, considering you had your own family at the time…”

“Pep, of course I’d—”

“I know that now…” she assured him, offering an explanation almost immediately after, “But I didn’t know it at the time. After I left New York, I didn’t know. So I wanted to give him something that would remind him of his father, a name that would remind him of who he really was…”

“Hence the same initials and middle name.”

She just quietly nodded and Tony knew her enough to know that it was time for a different topic, because the last thing he wanted was for Pepper to be upset once more. She had been happy the whole night, it would be such a shame if his curiosity would ruin their evening.

“We had it easy choosing Peter’s name, and now I can’t even make you agree on Morgan’s name,” he teased her, just trying to lighten the mood. He was rewarded with her soft smile, and he felt a bit better knowing that the night was saved, so he segued into a new topic. “You know, Mom would probably be over the moon right now, considering I have you and the kids. Dad, on the other hand, he would probably call me a schmuck for knocking you up before marrying you.”

She looked at him amusedly, and there was her signature laugh, the one that made her sound like a four year-old. His heart felt so, so light.

“I’m sure that from wherever they’re watching, they’re proud of you, Tony. Not just your mom but your dad, as well.”

“Yeah, if they skip the past fifteen years maybe.”

“I disagree.” Pepper sounded so sure that he wanted to believe her, he _really_ wanted to believe her. “Look at Peter, he’s a good kid. I’m sure that’s not purely out of luck, you did a pretty good job raising that kid.”

Somehow, Tony knew that if the kid didn’t hate him for the way he reacted over that paternity test, then he must have done something wrong in raising Peter. Ironically, the fact that his son was angry at him over that paternity test was the very proof that he did raise a good one after all. He sometimes wondered if Peter, being his equally stubborn mini-me, was the payback for all his transgressions when he was younger, making him feel what it was like to be in Howard’s shoes. And what an annoying pair of shoes to be in, even if Peter’s indiscretions were pretty tame compared to his. What more if Peter had been just as equally stubborn? He would probably be greying by now, although a silver fox Tony Stark? That would be a bit premature right now, but he was so sure that he could pull off that look regardless.

“Speaking of the kid, Peter loves you, Pep. He _really_ loves you.”

“Does he?” she asked him quite amusedly, and for a moment there Tony wondered if maybe she just needed to hear it said out loud. Well, her wish was his command, because the kid truly liked her. _A lot._

“He’s so angry at me over the paternity test, right? I mean, I was an idiot, sure, but later on I realized Pete’s so mad at me because he’s worried that if I screw up again and we break up, he’d lose you, too. And I’m _very_ sure he doesn’t want that.”

“That’s…” Pepper furrowed her brows and Tony knew that she must be grappling for the right words. “That’s sweet, I guess?”

“I know. He doesn’t really remember his mom, but you, Pep? He really likes you.”

She stopped in her tracks and Tony had to take a few steps back only to find her standing in front of Madison Square Park, her arms crossed and eyeing him suspiciously.

“Is this your new strategy?”

“Pep, Honey, what are you talking about?”

To be fair, Tony _actually_ had no idea what she was referring to.

“Let me guess, you’re about to bring up the topic of getting married, again.” She narrowed her eyes at him, and he wanted to laugh because no, he was not about to bring it up, at least not tonight anyway. “You’re using the Peter card again.”

He raised his hands up in surrender and tried very hard not to sound cocky, because he knew he had a tendency to sound like one even if at times he didn’t mean to.

“I’m not, I’m just stating a fact. Besides, I could be using the Morgan card to persuade you, if I wanted to.”

She was quiet, awfully quiet, the kind that she would always be whenever he would bring up that topic. He didn’t like that she was constantly deflecting, but what he truly hated was not knowing why she was having reservations. Because she loved him, didn’t she? And wasn’t that enough reason to get married?

He approached her, cupping her face with his hand while he gently stroke her cheek. She leaned into his touch and he gazed at her longingly, devotedly…

“Pep… Why won’t you marry me?”

“You make it sound as if I don’t want to…” she whispered almost apologetically as he whisked a single tear that came running down her cheek. “Because I do… I just don’t think the timing’s right.”

“And when will be our time?” When she didn’t answer, he couldn’t help but say out loud the one thing that he was so sure was the reason why she wouldn’t marry him. “You’re scared of marrying me because I treated you _so_ badly back then.”

“It’s not that, Tony. I’ve forgiven you for fifteen years ago, you know that.”

“Then if it’s not because of what I did, then it’s Killian.”

He looked at her and he couldn’t help but worry when he caught that look in her eyes, that look of trepidation which meant that something might have really happened back then.

“Pep, what else did he do to you?” He thought his heart had stopped beating as realization dawned on him. “He wronged you… He did something to you and I’m the one serving his sentence.”

“No… Nothing happened,” she assured him and she must have seen that he was having a hard time believing it because she kissed him, lightly, chastely, hoping to put his heart at ease. And it worked, even just for a bit. “I’m just… I’m not ready.”

He felt relieved, somehow. Even so, the next words were out of his mouth before he even realized that he was saying them out loud.

“I wish you never met Killian,” he muttered bitterly. “And I now wish I _did_ knock on your door two years ago.”

“Two years ago?” Pepper was looking at him suspiciously and he couldn’t help but grin because, uh-oh, she caught him. He cocked his head to the side, smirking at her while he offered her his arm. She took it, but he knew that Pepper could be just as tenacious as he, when she wanted to be. “What do you mean two years ago?”

Tony sighed deeply, resigning himself to the fact that he would have to tell her because he knew that she would not let it go. So shortly after they had resumed their stroll, he began telling her about one of his many, many regrets – that time when he rushed to L.A. just a little over two years ago.

* * *

** Two years ago, August, Manhattan NY: **

“I found her, Rhodey,” Tony grinned at his best friend as he grabbed his car keys and made his way to the convertible.

Rhodes, who was then coming down the stairs after having a late lunch with a twelve year-old Peter, frowned in confusion. Or maybe it was in suspicion, but Tony couldn’t really care. He knew he was oddly cheery with an unusual and uncharacteristic spring in his steps and a grin that probably screamed _too_ happy, but again, he didn’t care. So sue him, but he was happy. After years and years of pining for the love that he had lost, he had found her and he wasn’t even actively searching. Sure, he could have told his P.I. to look for her years ago but he somehow knew that she didn’t want to be found and he respected that, well, until now. Because her address just landed on his lap and if that wasn’t the universe’s way of telling him that she really was the love of his life and that they were really meant to be together… Well, Tony Stark never really believed in signs, but he was ready to change perspectives right now.

“You found who?” Rhodes asked, and Tony realized his best friend was indeed looking at him suspiciously.

“I found her, buddy. I found Pepper.”

“How? What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything!” He threw his hands up in surrender, the key to the convertible dangling from a keyring looped around his finger. “SI’s starting to look for its new CEO, the one who will replace me two years from now, because, you know, I want to focus on Peter and on R&D. And she’s being headhunted for the position, Rhodey.”

“Did she accept it?” his best friend asked and Tony was wondering if he had only imagined it, but did Rhodes look worried? But worried over what?

“She hasn’t. Honestly I don’t think she will…” Who was he kidding? He knew that she wouldn’t, he knew that she would never want to work with him again. But he let those thoughts slide, because what mattered right now was that, he had found her. “But her file’s on my desk, she works in Roxxon, and I know where she lives—”

“Tones…”

“—and the jet’s waiting for me, Rhodey.”

He pushed past Rhodes and got inside the convertible but just when he was about to pull the car door closed, Rhodes grabbed the door in an attempt to get his full attention.

“And what are you going to tell her, Tones?”

He looked his best friend in the eye, and he couldn’t believe what was happening. He knew that Rhodes was and would always be the voice of reason, but did he really have to be reasonable right now? This was Pepper they were talking about, the one woman that Tony never quite got over with, the one person that he couldn’t get out of his head even after a kid, a divorce, and thirteen years later. This was Pepper, the woman he loved, the woman he would always love.

“I don’t know… I’ll think of something.”

“Tony—”

“I just need to see her, Rhodey! Okay? Our eyes will meet, fireworks will go off, and the balance of my life will finally be restored!” He sighed deeply, while his heart thumped loudly he was certain that his chest would explode. He looked at his best friend, and he knew that even if Rhodes didn’t want to believe him, he would have no other choice because Tony was certain that anyone could see it in his eyes. “She loved me, Rhodey. I was the love of her life. Maybe I still am.”

\---- --- ----

**Two weeks earlier, mid-July, Los Angeles CA: **

It was a warm, sunny afternoon and Rhodes was sitting on a stone bench situated under the very dense canopy of an evergreen fig, just a few steps away from the headstone bearing Andros’ name. Sitting beside him was Pepper, comfortably dressed in a white sundress with long lace sleeves, gazing ahead quietly, pensively. They had been doing this for years and Rhodes had sat with her on this exact spot on the same day, every year for the past thirteen years, that he couldn’t help but notice that there was something different this time.

He knew Pepper enough to know that while she was no longer miserable, she still was not as happy as she used to be, and yet… he could see that something had changed. He knew she was still grieving, in fact it wouldn’t be entirely inaccurate to say that maybe she would always be grieving the baby she lost. But right now, for the first time since the accident, Pepper seemed… at peace.

“How are you, Pepper?”

He knew he shouldn’t be asking, they had this long standing agreement that he should never ask her what she was feeling or how she was doing especially on the anniversary of that fateful day, but Rhodes broke the rule for the first time. He did not do it out of curiosity, he simply asked because he cared and he honestly thought that he would never again see even just a glimpse of her old self and yet… it seemed to Rhodes that he was finally getting his friend back. It took more than a decade but Pepper seemed to be getting her old self back, little by little.

He knew he was not supposed to ask, and so he was quite surprised when she actually answered him.

“I’m still grieving, Jim. To tell the truth, I know I will be grieving the baby for the rest of my life,” she quietly told him, not bothering to hide the tears that were escaping. She never hid them from him, especially not on this day. “But somehow I’m starting to feel something else… Maybe it was just acceptance of my lost, or a fragile form of peace, but at least it’s something.”

Rhodes simply nodded quietly, not really knowing what to say. He knew what she went through and even if he only saw her once a year, on the anniversary of the accident, he could tell that Pepper was trying. She was trying really hard to get through each day, to make each day less painful than the last, and even if he offered to keep her company on the other days just so he could check on her, she asked him not to. So today was, somehow, _their_ day, and he should probably just give her the kind of day she wanted, needed. He decided to stop asking his questions and simply stared ahead at the markings on the headstone that he had memorized by now.

“Jim, I met someone…” she told him quietly after some time, the hesitation clearly evident in her tone. “For the first time since… for the first time since Tony, I feel like I could start over. It’s like I was given a clean slate, like I could actually be a new person.”

He didn’t know what to feel or how to react or which surprised him more – knowing that she met someone or that she was finally saying Tony’s name out loud after thirteen long years – but listening to her admission was making him wonder if he was betraying his best friend, his best friend who he knew still loved the woman sitting beside him even after all these years. But Pepper was also his friend, and he was aware that whatever changed in her, whoever she did meet, it did a good thing for her, and for that alone, he was happy for her.

“Do you love him?”

“I don’t know yet…” she admitted, her eyes focusing on Andros’ headstone and he couldn’t help but think that maybe this was her own way of asking for their blessing, both from Andros and him. “It’s nothing like… like what I had with Tony. It’s not at first sight, it’s not epic, he’s not driving me crazy… just yet.” He chuckled lightly at that and she smiled a bit before telling him, “It’s not like the great love I had in New York but it’s good enough.”

He nodded once, fully understanding where she was coming from and what she was trying to say. For a moment there, Rhodes hoped that whoever this guy was, if this wasn’t the guy that Pepper was meant to be with forever, he hoped that this would be the person Pepper needed to meet just so she could fully heal. And then maybe, just maybe, if she and Tony were really meant to be together, they’d find a way, eventually, somehow.

“If you’re telling me this because for some reason you think that you need to ask for my blessing, then let me tell you that it’s okay, Pepper.” He glanced at her, but she was simply gazing ahead, although if it was to avoid his gaze, he couldn’t tell. “I’m your friend, too, and I want you to be happy. You are happy with him, right?”

“I think I am…” She met his eyes for a second, then sighed deeply as she gazed back at the headstone pensively. “I know that at least I’m feeling something new, something different, and it’s refreshing, you know? To feel something other than pain or longing or grief.”

He wasn’t quite sure if he liked what he heard, but Pepper was right, at least she was feeling something… something different, something new. _Baby steps,_ Rhodes thought. He knew that she should do this on her own, and that the only thing that he could really do was remind her, let her know that she was never alone.

“Pepper, if you ever need anything—”

“I know.” She smiled at him, and Rhodes found it odd that she was the one reassuring him instead. Saint Pepper, always. “I know, Jim.”

“You know that Tony’s been divorced for years now, right? So if you ever change your mind…” he offered, trying not to grin at her but he couldn’t help it. He had to try, for Tony.

She smiled at him although she was indeed looking at him quite curiously. Still, he thought this was an improvement, a great improvement in fact.

“I’ll keep that in mind…” she told him – humored him? – before standing up to lay those pink peonies she had brought for Andros.

\---- --- ----

** August, Manhattan NY: **

“You can’t do that,” Rhodes warned as Tony pulled the convertible’s door closed and started the ignition, the memory of his conversation with Pepper just a few weeks ago at the memorial park instantly coming to his mind. “Tones, you can’t just walk into her life, knock on her door, and tell her you still love her.”

“Why not?”

“Thirteen years, Tony,” Rhodes gestured with his hands in an attempt to drive home the point. “You haven’t seen her or talked to her in thirteen years. Do you even know what she’s been up to? Or what happened to her?”

“Why, did something happen?”

Tony looked genuinely concerned – of course he was concerned – and Rhodes almost told him everything, almost. He knew that Tony deserved to know but he would be doing Pepper a disservice if he would be the one telling his best friend about her accident, about the baby Tony didn’t even know he had and had lost.

“I don’t know…” Rhodes muttered, hoping Tony couldn’t see through his lie. “All that I’m saying is she could be really happy right now.”

“And so? It’s not that I don’t want her to be happy,” Tony fumed and Rhodes wished he could tell his best friend everything, just so he would understand. He was on his side, after all. “I just want her to be happy _with me!”_

“Tones, just… think and be realistic for one minute, okay? What if she’s met someone? What if she’s happy? What if that hypothetical someone is good to her, good _for_ her?” Rhodes shook his head, not really knowing how else to convince the other guy. “You’re my best friend and I will _always_ root for you, but just give this _a lot_ of thought. You cannot just bulldoze into her life like this.”

Tony avoided his gaze and drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, seemingly contemplating everything Rhodes had just said. For a while there, Rhodes actually thought he had Tony convinced, but when the latter finally looked up to meet his best friend’s gaze, there was nothing but resolve in those dark brown eyes.

Tony simply shook his head and looked at him defiantly, “The jet’s waiting for me, Rhodey. Wish me luck.”

He sped off out of the garage leaving Rhodes standing in his wake.

\---- --- ----

** Six hours later, Los Angeles CA: **

How would you tell the love of your life that she still had a hold in your heart even after thirteen long years of not seeing each other? What would you tell the woman that you never quite got over with after more than a decade of no communication between you two? When would it be best to tell her that you were sorry and that you made a mistake, was it before you tell her you still loved her or after?

Tony Stark was drawing a blank.

_And yet here I am, standing outside your door, thirteen years later, still like the idiot that I was, completely unprepared and not knowing what to tell you, not knowing anything other than the fact that I still love you... That I never really got over you…_

Tony had been standing outside her door, a bouquet of pink peonies in his hand, for more than thirty minutes now and yet it felt longer… the seconds ticking by slowly. He couldn’t understand why he was hesitating at her door when he knew that this was what he had been dreaming of for more than a decade now. He had tried to imagine this reunion in his head, countless times, lots of different ways, and yet the ending would always be the same – she would open her door, she would gasp at the sight of him, and she would run in his open arms and he would kiss her, kiss her senseless and never let go. But Tony was not naïve, and he knew that the reality which awaited him could be the stark contrast of how he had always imagined things would be.

Pepper could still be in love with him, that was a possibility, but it was also probable that she was still furious at him, still heartbroken over him.

Worse, she might no longer be in love with him.

He didn’t know for how long he further stood there, contemplating, but it was long enough for him to notice that a car just pulled over in front of her building. From his view from the second floor balcony, as much as the dim lights of the night allowed him to see, he saw a man in a crisp suit stepped out of the car, a bouquet of calla lilies in his hand. He wondered if the man was here for Pepper or for someone else, and for the first time since he got on the jet that afternoon, Tony began to _really_ think about what Rhodes had said.

_What if she’s met someone new? What if she’s really happy?_

_But what if she’s not… happy?_

God, he loved her, he never really stopped loving her. He had waited for this day for years and he swore that once he saw her again, he was never letting her go. This was his second chance, and as he stood there outside her door, he was almost certain that he knew what he had to do.

He raised his hand, stopping midway with his fist poised to knock on the door so that he could take a deep breath and try to clear his thoughts.

_Alright… Here we go…_

\---- --- ----

Pepper Potts had just finished her glass of wine and was just about to call it a night when she heard a soft knock on her front door. She wasn’t really expecting anyone this late and so she was a bit surprised to see him standing at her door, the bouquet of pink peonies being the bigger surprise of the two.

“Aldrich… what are you doing here?” She reached out to take the peonies from him and she couldn’t help but whisper, her gaze not leaving the flowers, “You brought me peonies… how did you know—”

“My flight arrived early, I thought I’d drop by before I see you tomorrow. I missed you,” he cut in, leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek. “And no, I did not bring you those, I just found them here on your doorstep. Now _this_ is what I brought you,” he told her, handing her a bouquet of calla lilies which she took quite uncertainly. “I thought you love calla lilies?”

“I do…” she muttered even if she could feel her heart clenching inside her chest. “I do…”

Pepper could almost literally feel the pain squeezing through her chest at the mere sight of the pink flowers. No one else ever gave her peonies… no one except…

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Aldrich asked her, eyeing her hopefully.

She was so confused, so haunted, and so distracted that she allowed him to tilt her chin up, letting him kiss her even as her mind couldn’t help but wonder on how those peonies ended up on her doorstep.

Tony… Tony Stark was the only one who would give her peonies.

\---- --- ----

Not too far from her building, Tony was sitting in his Audi, gazing up at Pepper’s balcony. He saw her standing by the doorway and even from this distance, he was certain that she did look beautiful, maybe happy even. He saw her surprise at the sight of the man holding the calla lilies and he also saw the way that she allowed him to kiss her, deeply, avidly.

He knew there was a chance that she had moved on, it had been thirteen years after all, but the pain of actually seeing someone else kissing her and holding her… He was not ready for that. In fact, he didn’t think he would ever be.

He took out his phone and dialed his best friend but he reached his voicemail instead.

“Hey, Rhodey, buddy. I’m in L.A.,” he prefaced, not able to take his eyes off from her now empty balcony. He sighed deeply, barely stifling an immense need to break down. “I saw her, she didn’t see me, but… I still love her. But you’re right… She’s met someone new. She’s met someone that’s probably good for her, who makes her happy… I can never be that someone… So you’re right, I shouldn’t get in the way of that. I’m coming home.”

He looked up to her balcony one last time before speeding away into the night.

* * *

** Present day, Manhattan NY: **

“Jim told you…”

“Yeah, he did,” Tony reluctantly admitted. “After we came back from Cornwall… he told me everything, including his yearly visits to the memorial park with you.”

“But why didn’t you knock?” Pepper asked and if Tony had an opinion on the matter, he would actually say that Pepper sounded frustrated. He honestly didn’t know whether he should be happy about it or not, probably a little bit of both.

They just passed by 34th Street, the Empire State Building somehow providing the perfect backdrop to this trip down memory lane they were apparently having. While this walk was reminding Tony of the simpler days, the pre-car crash era when he still believed he was worthy of Pepper’s love and he still wasn’t stupid enough to cheat and break her heart, he couldn’t help but also yearn for the years they had lost, for the what could have beens and the what ifs… He knew there was no point to it anymore but he still couldn’t help but wonder… What if he coped better after his parents’ accident? What if he paid more attention to details and Pepper wasn’t able to hide her pregnancy from him?

_What if we didn’t lose the baby?_

That last one, he knew it would always haunt him, a what if that would always torture him regardless if he had his closure, or Pepper’s forgiveness, or Peter’s understanding… Had they not lost the baby, he would probably be working hard to earn Andros’ trust and forgiveness and acceptance right now, and he knew he would rather do that, even a million times over, if that meant that their baby would be alive and Pepper wouldn’t be in that accident. But there was no point to it, he had his chance and he failed…

“Why didn’t you knock, Tony?” Pepper prodded, pulling him back from his reverie because, of course, he knew that she wouldn’t let this go.

He gave her a sad smile because how could she not know why? It was so simple really, so elementary…

“Because I love you, Pep. And I only want what’s best for you…”

He kissed her temple and suddenly he couldn’t wait for them to be home because he wanted to kiss her and wrap her in his arms and never let go. He sighed tiredly, somehow regretting his decision two years ago but only because Killian turned out to be an asshole in the end.

“I love you, Pep. I love you so much that had Killian treated you right, I would have let you be. I didn’t want to get in the way two years ago and even after you came back, because you deserve the chance to be with someone good.” He paused to take a deep breath because his voice was wavering even as he felt Pepper squeezed his arm affectionately. “I didn’t knock on your door two years ago because when I went to go find you in L.A., here’s what I saw. I saw you and, apparently that’s Killian, and you were happy. Not you and me, but you and Killian. So I convinced myself that I was doing right by you, even though I had no idea of what exactly I was doing other than knowing that I needed to let you go. That’s exactly what I did and I was ready to do it again this time but I saw how Killian treated you and… I couldn’t let you end up with that guy anymore.”

He saw the way that she gently shook her head, rolled her eyes, and looked at him disbelievingly. “Really, Tony. Two years ago, _that_ was the moment you chose not to be selfish?”

He chuckled at her retort. He never really had the best timing, did he?

“Stay on message, Potts. The point is I want you to be happy, and I love you. I always have, I always will, even if I’m a stupid idiot at times.”

“But you’re _my_ idiot…”

“Indeed I am…”

She kissed him, making them pause their stroll for a while because really, who wouldn’t want to just get lost in the moment, right? And this was Pepper, she didn’t like public displays of affection but the fact that she was making an exception tonight (and it was quite an early night, people were still on the street visibly training their phone cameras in their direction) must have meant that he must have done or said something right after all.

See? He was really getting good with the relationship stuff.

“I love you,” she murmured when he finally let her go and he could only hope that she wouldn’t have his head tomorrow when their photos landed in the tabloids the following morning.

“And I’m lucky…” He smirked at her, winking as he told her those words which only made her roll her eyes at him again.

“I don’t get it, though. Thirteen years, Tony, thirteen years and you’re telling me that you jumped on a plane the minute that you saw my address?”

“Well, what can I say? I never really got over you.”

“Oh, no, don’t. I’m not gonna fall for that line, Tony.” She shook her head, obviously trying very hard not to smile and not to blush, as if she could control the latter.

“What line?”

She eyed him curiously and he honestly had no idea what she was trying to point out.

“Are you really going to make me believe that there has been no one else since your divorce?”

Oh. That. There had been absolutely no one else but why did it seem so hard for Pepper to believe?

“There has been no one else, Pep. After Mary, there’s only you...” He frowned at that because that was not entirely accurate. “Actually, even _during_ Mary, it’s always been you.” There, he fixed it.

He felt her slapped his arm lightly, obviously chiding him for the comment. He knew the remark made him an asshole but it was the truth. He did not deserve Pepper and he did not deserve Mary as well, the women in his life clearly deserved better and better did not equate to Tony Stark.

“It’s just hard to believe,” she went on, still quite unconvinced. “You were America’s biggest playboy. And you’re Tony Stark, and you’re a single dad—”

“A _hot_ single dad.”

“—for more than a decade. Beautiful girls were probably throwing themselves at you every night.”

“It’s true, but the whole time I was pining for a certain redhead.”

He caught Pepper looking at him and he was a bit surprised to see that she actually looked pensive, apologetic even. It was not exactly the reaction he was expecting, he actually thought that she would be rolling her eyes at him by now, but she wasn’t.

“You didn’t know that I’ll be back...” she told him quietly and he pulled her close, just so he could kiss her hair, wanting to let her know that it was okay, she did come back anyway.

“I hoped, Pep. I’ve always hoped.”

They walked in silence for a few more blocks, passing by Bryant Park and the Rockefeller Center, when he noticed her stole a quick glance at St. Patrick’s Cathedral. It took him a few seconds but he did realize that she was supposed to get married in that church, and before he knew it, he had asked the question out loud and he was fairly certain that he sounded every bit like the jealous boyfriend he probably really was.

“Not to break the mood, Honey, but why would you marry Killian? I mean, sure, you had reservations when he proposed but they’re not like the ones you have whenever I try to ask, whenever I bring up…” he trailed off, not really knowing if he even wanted to hear the answer but it had been bugging him since. “I know wanting to keep Andros a secret was part of it, but… There must be a reason why you thought you could try to make it work with him.”

She shook her head thoughtfully, gripping his arm a bit tighter than necessary. “It’s like what I told Jim two years ago, Aldrich just happened to be at the right place and at the right time. And I was just so unhappy for thirteen years—”

“And he did make you happy, again…”

“I thought he did. I thought he was good for me at the time because…” She paused to catch his gaze, and he wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to hear what she was just about to say next. “You have to understand that up until I learned about the dossier, he was somehow the face of my salvation. He made me want to feel something other than grief and longing and lost…”

“I’m sorry, Pep.”

“No… _I’m_ sorry. But looking back, he didn’t really make me happy. He just made me feel normal, and I needed to feel normal at the time.” She sighed tiredly and he kissed her temple while he moved to put a protective arm around her shoulders, just trying to make her feel safe and wanting to feel her close. “But thank you, Tony, for not bulldozing into my life at that time. I don’t think we’ll be where we are now had you knocked on my door two years ago.”

“Yeah, you probably would not have accepted the CEO position had I forced my way into your life back then.”

“Probably.”

“And I wouldn’t know about our firstborn, Peter would still have no idea what it’s like to have a mother-figure around, and I wouldn’t have this second chance… with you… with _this_ baby…” he whispered, more to himself really although he didn’t really mind that Pepper had heard everything.

She smiled softly, perhaps taking some pity on him because it seemed like she felt the need to reassure him, not that he was really complaining that she did. He probably needed to hear it anyway, because he had always wondered about what she truly felt for the other guy.

_Did she really love Killian? That much?_

“Let’s just maybe think of it this way,” she told him and he couldn’t help but notice that she seemed so amused. “That maybe I had to meet someone else before I can find my way back to you.”

He couldn’t help but smirk and he knew that it did not skip her notice. “Are you really hoping to reassure me by telling me that Killian was just a mistake that you _had_ to make? Because I’d rather that you did not have to go through _that_ mistake, Pep, and you’re far too smart for that.”

“We all make mistakes, Tony.”

“But did your mistake really have to be suntanned? And blond? And looking like a very slick California guy?”

He knew he was whining like a hopeless teenager but that made Pepper laugh and he loved the sound of that. Hell, he would be willing to sound like a mopey idiot anytime if that would make her happy.

“Are _you_ jealous?” she asked him incredulously as soon as her laughter had died down. “I am pregnant with _your_ child and you’re still jealous of Aldrich Killian?”

“Well, I know that if you just say yes to my proposal, it will help ease the jealousy, _a lot,_ by a mile.”

They were passing by The St. Regis and Tony would much rather be reminded of his father’s valiant efforts so that he and Pepper could actually be together during an investors’ party that was held there, rather than dwell once more on the fact that Pepper was avoiding his proposal like the plague. She was very quiet, just as expected, and his all too true outburst obviously did not help. But to tell the truth, he did not regret saying it out loud, so did that make him a selfish guy?

Well, when it came to Pepper he knew he was always, always selfish.

“Pep, if you don’t want to get married just yet, at least allow me to propose,” he told her after an uncomfortably quiet minute or two. “I just want you to at least have a ring before you start showing.”

She stopped walking, she was looking at him intently, and he couldn’t get a read on her. Although he did know one thing, he should not have said too much, in fact, he should not have said that last part at all.

_Way to go, Stark. Foot, mouth, yeah, I did it again._

He wished she would just say something because honestly? Waiting for her to harangue him, rather than the actual haranguing itself, was torture. He would rather have her furious at him than not knowing what was going on inside her head. He braced himself for what was to come and he also made a mental note that he really should try that thing when people actually think _before_ they say things out loud. Yeah, he heard that was a thing and that it worked.

“Honey…” He bit his lip, not knowing if he should smile at her or apologize or maybe just raise his hands up in surrender.

“PR move, you’re proposing to me because it’s a PR move?” she asked him – rhetorically? – and he was so certain that he would probably be sleeping on the couch tonight. “No, no, no, no, no. You do not get to make that excuse—”

“It’s not an excuse, I was just trying to protect you…”

“—that you’re doing this because you think it’s what I need or what the company needs—”

“No, God, no! Pep, this has nothing to do with the company. Although I know _you_ care about PR and publicity, you care about these things and you know that I don’t, that’s why I’ve been _begging_ you…”

“Are you just proposing to me because I’m pregnant?” she asked him and to be honest, she looked really hurt with the idea. “I don’t need a pity proposal from you, Tony.”

“To be fair, I’ve been floating the idea of getting married even _before_ we thought you might be pregnant, so no, it’s not a pity proposal. It never was, Pep.”

She looked really unconvinced and personally, he would prefer not reliving certain memories but if it would be the only way to convince her, well, what’s a few more reopened wounds, right?

“Pep, Morgan is the reason why I’m hoping to speed things up a bit, but the reason why I’m proposing is because I love you. The timing might suck right now, although believe me, the timing had been worse before, but the reason has always been the same. I’m asking you to marry me, not because I knocked you up but because I don’t want to live without you again. I’m asking you to marry me because I love you.”

She frowned, her brows furrowing deep in thought, and among all the things that he had just professed (he just declared his love, again, by the way), the one thing, the one thing that got her attention was the ‘timing.’

“Tony, what do you mean that the timing had been worse before?”

He walked back to where she was standing and pulled her to his side while he slipped an arm around her waist. He had this sudden want to just get home so he could hug her and hold her in his arms because this trip down memory lane was somehow proving to be too much.

“The very first time that I planned to propose to you was twenty years ago,” he muttered, choosing to look straight ahead because he could tell that Pepper was looking at him intently. “So no, Pep, I didn’t realize that I want to marry you just because you’re pregnant. I’m proposing because I should have already done it twenty years ago.”

* * *

** 20 years ago, December, Manhattan NY: **

“How did Dad propose to you?”

Tony had stopped playing the piano because he couldn’t keep the question out of his head anymore. His mother, who was sitting on the couch just a few feet beside him, closed the book she had been reading just so she could give him her undivided attention. She smiled at him knowingly, the way that mothers did, which basically said that they know _everything._ He tried to avoid her gaze, because, well, he was pretty sure that she did know everything.

“Are you just being curious? Or are you planning something… for the immediate future?”

He smirked at his mother, that boyish grin he knew she loved best gracing his features almost instantly. “Let’s just say that I’m trying to find inspiration… for the future, whenever that may be.”

“Well, if it’s inspiration that you need, I don’t think you should be asking about your father’s proposal.”

“Why? How did he screw that up?”

“He actually didn’t.” His mother smiled at him and Tony sometimes couldn’t help but wonder what his mother saw in Howard Stark. Well, that was like asking what Pepper saw in him, probably. “But you know that your grandfather did not like your father, so Howard’s first proposal basically involved two plane tickets from Tuscany to New York instead of an engagement ring.”

“You eloped? Wait, _first_ proposal?”

His mother took a seat beside him and began playing her favorite melody like she always did when she was especially happy… or sad. It seemed like the former because she was visibly smiling at some distant memory which Tony just couldn’t quite imagine. Howard Stark the romantic was just a difficult picture to paint, at least for Tony.

“We had a city hall wedding here in Manhattan,” she told him while Tony listened enraptured, he didn’t really know that his parents got married twice. She then stopped playing so she could show him the old European cut diamond on her left ring finger. “He gave me this ring on the night of our wedding, promising me that someday, we’ll go back home to get married in a church in Tuscany.”

“That’s your second wedding,” Tony concluded, realizing _that_ was actually the wedding that he did know about.

“Well, the city hall and the church weddings were only two weeks apart, because after your grandfather found out… He made us fly back so we could have the wedding in Tuscany.” She smiled, obviously finding the memory so amusing. “He had no other choice but to accept your father, so that’s a win, I guess.”

He chuckled at the idea that his father, the great Howard Stark, actually feared one person, that person being Grandpa Carbonell. Briefly he realized that he had it easy, because honestly, his parents adored Pepper. Even his father who was usually indifferent and unfeeling towards Tony’s interests seemed to approve of her, in his own way. So everything should be smooth sailing, really, unless, of course, he screwed it up himself.

“What’s this all about?” his mother asked not so subtly. “Is Pepper… pregnant? Because I really believe she’s that kind of girl who would not want you proposing to her just because you got her—”

“No, no, she’s not. She’s eighteen and attending Columbia, I don’t think she’d appreciate having a mini-me running around right now. But we did have a scare, remember? And if anything, that only affirmed that I really want to be with her, for good.”

He chuckled lightly at the image of a little brown-haired baby boy giggling and running around, it was a nice picture but one that should probably be reserved for a little ways down the road.

“But I do want to propose already, Mom,” he said the words out loud and he saw the way that his mother smiled at him, proudly, even. “It can be a long engagement, because I know that there are a lot of things that she wants to do and I’m not going to get in the way of that. We can get married next year, or the year after that… We’ll get married when she wants to, but I can’t put off letting her know that she’s it for me.”

“Well, just let me know, so I can get used to not wearing this ring around my finger anymore.”

“Mom, you don’t have to—”

“I’m not letting you propose to her with a different ring,” his mother insisted and he knew that it would be pointless to argue with her. “And the band bracelet, the one my mother gave me, that should be Pepper’s something old, next year, or the year after that.”

He grinned at that, his mother echoing the same words he had used just a while back. He couldn’t help but wonder as he watched his mother start playing once more and he knew he had to ask, “You’ve given this a lot of thought.”

“I have… I’ve prayed for it, too,” She glanced at him, winking. “She’s a very special girl, Anthony, and you’re lucky to have found her. Never break her heart.”

He nodded, not really wanting to say anything because even if he knew that he loved Pepper, more than life itself, he did not trust his own track record enough to make that promise to his mother. He would never intentionally hurt Pepper, but he was Tony Stark, he tended to ruin everything he touched.

“So when do you plan to do this?” his mother asked, pulling him away from his unpleasant thoughts.

He smiled at her and Tony couldn’t help but think that with his mother around, maybe he wouldn’t screw things up with Pepper after all. His mother would make sure that he always did the right thing, she would keep him in check, always.

“I’m thinking Christmas Day,” he smirked at her, dark brown eyes glinting with anticipation. “I don’t want you to miss it. You and Dad will be back from the Bahamas by then, right?”

* * *

** Present day, Manhattan NY: **

“Tony…” Pepper whispered his name helplessly even as she swiftly kissed him on the cheek, fresh tears visibly threatening to fall from her eyes.

He didn’t really have to tell her the rest of the story because both of them already knew what happened next. His parents never really made it to the airport, there was a fatal car crash, and well, what followed next was a pretty hazy five years.

“The second time was when you came back… New Year’s Eve, when you didn’t run away with me,” he went on, intentionally ignoring Pepper’s attempt to make him process what he had just shared. He had not really told anyone about it before and other than his mother, no one else knew that he was supposed to propose twenty years ago. And about New Year’s Eve, well, nobody knew except for Peter.

“Tony, I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay, Pep.” He stroke her arm repeatedly, hoping it would reassure her somehow. “I told you about it not for sympathy points, but to prove to you that I’m not asking you to marry me because you’re pregnant. I’m asking you to marry me because I’ve given this _a lot_ of thought, twenty years’ worth of thought, in fact. So you can’t ask me if I’m sure, because I’ve been sure for a long time now.”

He pulled her closer as they passed by The Arsenal, just a few more blocks away from home, and he couldn’t help but notice that she had been quiet ever since. He knew that her mind had wandered off elsewhere, maybe already having certain thoughts, unpleasant ones, unhappy ones, and he wanted to kick himself for allowing that to happen.

“What I told you in Malibu still holds true,” he told her in an attempt to lighten the mood. “There’s still no timeline, and I’m willing to wait for when you are ready. But… had I proposed twenty years ago, would you have said yes?”

“I thought you already knew the answer to that.”

“But you were eighteen, I knew you still wanted to do a lot of things. But… just think about it, our lives would have been very different.”

“I still would’ve said yes, you’d support me anyway.” She raised a hand to lightly stroke her cheek while she whispered, “And you’re all I have, you know? Back then and even until now.”

“It won’t be just me, soon. Morgan’s coming and—” He paused because she was grinning at her and he just didn’t believe that he had turned the night around just like that. What was she thinking about this time? “What?”

“So you still remember the scare we had,” Pepper was looking at him curiously and amusedly.

“The scare?” He pretended to ask innocently and she gave him a knowing look. He grinned back at her like an idiot. “Oh, that _scare,_ of course I remember.”

“I cannot imagine what our lives would be like had it not been just a scare.”

“Well…” Tony muttered thoughtfully, “We would have had a college kid by now had it not been a false alarm.”

* * *

** 20 years ago, October, Manhattan NY: **

“Why are you so happy about this?” Pepper half-shouted, half-cried, as she burned a hole on the living room carpet from pacing in a tight circle for almost an hour now. “We cannot have a baby right now, Tony. We’re too young, _I’m_ too young. What would your parents say about me?”

“They’d probably thank you, you know? For finally making me responsible.” He couldn’t help but smile even while she was panicking because somehow and surprisingly, the idea of a baby? He actually liked it, didn’t scare him at all. Surprising, indeed. “Pep, it’s okay. We’re not even sure yet, and even if you really are, it’s okay. We’ll make it work.”

“No, no, no, no. You cannot do this to me, Tony.”

“Pep, don’t you want to have kids with me? This baby could be our Peter. You remember? Peter?”

“Tony… we can’t have a baby right now.” 

So he was surprisingly not scared of the thought, but what he did not like seeing was Pepper getting so worried, eyes brimming with unshed tears. A million thoughts were probably racing in her head right now and he merely wanted to lessen her worries, just in case…

“You don’t think I’ll be a good father?” he asked jokingly, although, remember when people would say that jokes were always half-meant? Yeah, anyway… “That’s easy, Pep. All I have to do is think ‘What would Howard do?’ and then I’ll know what _not_ to do, and we’re good.”

“Can you please be serious for a minute here?”

“I _am_ serious. Pep, it’s going to be okay.”

“Tony, you have your whole future ahead of you. And I’m in college!”

Really? Was that what she was worried about? _Unbelievable,_ Tony thought.

“Pep, it’s not like you’ll have to stop schooling and find a job to support the kid. You can still go to college, nothing has to change.” He tried to look serious while he reasoned with her, but it was hard to keep a straight face on while she rolled her eyes at him. “Just take the test, Honey, and then we can panic for real, okay? I love you, no matter what.”

“You’re only saying that because you’re impulsive and reckless and—”

“And madly in love with you.” He stood up from the couch, pulling her close so he could kiss her deeply, hoping that the kiss would reassure her somehow. He then pulled out two boxes of pregnancy tests from his back pocket and handed it to her. “Here you go, Momma. So we can finally know.”

“I hate you,” she muttered, taking the tests from him and eyeing them rather uncertainly.

“Come on, Pep…” He stroke her arms repeatedly in an attempt to try to soothe her. “There’s no point in _you_ panicking over a pregnancy and there’s no point in _me_ getting excited for Baby Peter when we’re not even sure yet. So just, take the test.”

“Don’t say that,” she sounded so serious that he thought he really should try and stop smirking.

“Don’t say what?”

“Don’t say that word.”

“Which one? Pregnancy? Or Baby Peter?” He grinned at her, he couldn’t help it. The idea of a mini version of him running around seemed so good right now. “Damn, we’re good, Pep. We even picked a name already, two years ago.”

“Just… Just shut up, Tony,” she told him off before storming off to the powder room in the direction of the kitchen.

Tony collapsed into the couch, sighing deeply while he watched Pepper disappear to the next room. He realized now that maybe he should not have appeared too excited about the prospect of having a baby when clearly, the idea scared Pepper right now. He should have been more supportive and less enthusiastic, but he couldn’t help it. He was just… thrilled.

“What’s going on? Why are you and Pepper fighting?” his mother asked and he didn’t even notice her step into the living room at all.

“We’re not fighting,” he muttered while he stood up to greet his mother with a kiss on the cheek. He sighed, not really knowing what to tell her, “Pepper’s late.”

His mother looked at him, not exactly worriedly but more concernedly. Maria Stark, truly, was the epitome of grace under pressure.

“Yeah, I don’t really know what to say either. But she’s panicking so…”

“And you’re also overwhelmed,” she observed, more than asked.

“Well, I didn’t exactly handle things the right way,” he admitted, and he did not miss the way that his mother’s face morphed with worry. “I think I pressured her more because I appeared overenthusiastic about it. I mean, I honestly thought I’d be running for the hills by now but I don’t feel the need to. Just knowing that this is Pepper, it doesn’t scare me at all. I realized that I want this, so much so that for a second there I forgot that she’s eighteen… and a freshman in Columbia. I might want this, but she might not be ready for this. Got any advice?”

His mother nodded quietly, a soft smile gracing her features while she swiped at the brown curls that had fallen near his eyes. “I have three, which you will have to remember not just for now but for the future as well. Tell her you love her, and if it turns out that she really is pregnant, be prepared to do anything for her. And then, one day, be prepared for her to sacrifice everything for the kid.”

He nodded, not really knowing what to say, not really knowing anything other than the fact that he loved Pepper, and that he was prepared to do anything for her.

“Tony…”

He looked towards the far end of the room to see Pepper standing by the doorway, eyes all red and glassy while she clutched the tests in her hands. His mother gently patted him on the shoulder, whispered, “I’ll give you guys a moment,” before leaving the room, letting him be there for Pepper in whatever way she needed him to be.

She rushed towards him, pushing the tests in his hands while she hugged him close. She buried her face against his neck and he could feel the damp tears and her soft sobs, which made him so confused because when he glanced down to look at the tests, they were both negative.

So why was she crying? Out of relief? Tears of joy?

“Pep… It’s negative. That’s a good thing, right?”

“Yeah. I think it is.”

“But you’re crying.”

“I just… I can’t believe I’ll be so upset over something I never really had.”

_Oh._

So she did want it, too, somehow. That one, he didn’t see that one coming.

“Come here, Pep…” He tossed the tests on the couch so that he could put his arms around her, pull her close and kiss her temple, while he murmured, “It’s okay. We’ll have our baby in the future, at the right time, you know? We’ll have at least two.”

“Why at least two?”

“So that they can keep each other company, when we’re, you know, distracted…” He leaned to kiss her lips and he was pleased to note that she was at least kissing him back, after everything, “… By other things.”

“You got it all figured out, don’t you?”

“Of course… Because I love you.”

* * *

** Present day, Manhattan NY: **

“Can you imagine us?” Tony asked while he tried to picture a different reality for them as they turned the corner on 70th Street. “Parents at that age?”

“Well… I never thought we’ll be expecting at _this_ age.”

She probably would never understand the way that he saw her, the way that she had always looked so beautiful to him, be it in her fiercest or most vulnerable state, or when she was all dolled up for a gala or right when she just woke up in the morning with her hair pulled into a messy bun. Over twenty years and to him, she had never really looked any different.

“You’re young, Pep. You haven’t really aged. Me, on the other hand, can you imagine me chasing after a rug rat in my mid-forties?”

“So… are you admitting you’re old?” she asked him, feigning a very surprised and scandalized look just to tease him.

“I didn’t say that. I’m aging like a fine wine.”

She answered him with an amused chuckle but he knew deep down that she agreed with him (yes, he was _that_ confident). To be fair, it was not as if he was letting himself go. He was svelte and leanly muscular. In fact, he would even dare say that he was at his fittest right now, far even better when he was younger and abusing his body with all the booze and the partying and the lost weekends…

Ah, the old days. Not the _good_ old days, just the old days. Because the good ones were here, better ones actually. He was with Pepper, and she was happy, and they were having a new baby. He finally got the family he didn’t even realize he had been dreaming of but would it be so terrible if he actually hoped for more?

They had just stepped out to Madison Avenue after stopping for macarons at Ladurée, when he decided that he had to know, he had to at least ask.

“Pep, you know, maybe if we had kids way earlier, we probably would have a brood by now. Four, maybe five?”

“Mr. Stark,” she teased him, because maybe she did know that addressing him that way actually had an effect on his reptilian mind. “Stop writing checks my body can’t cash.”

“Don’t you want more kids?”

He knew that by all appearances, he was asking innocently but in truth, he had his reasons. He still believed that it was fortunate that Morgan was a happy accident, because he was certain that he would still be _begging_ her for a new baby until now had it been otherwise. And sure, he was still okay that this would be their last go, he was still willing to let go of the idea of having any future children after Morgan because he couldn’t bear to see her so unhappy all the time. It just wasn’t worth it, but still, he asked because he wanted to know, just so he could close that proverbial door for good.

“I’m fine with what we have… with what we are about to have.” She was gazing ahead and, perhaps unconsciously, she rested a hand on her stomach. In spite of her answer, the sight made his heart melt. “Between you and the kids and SI, I think I’ll just have enough time to handle everything. Peter’s a responsible kid, but I could only imagine that it would still be quite the riot with the three of you in the house.”

“You mean just those two, right?” He insisted on clarifying because Pepper was laughing at him, but honestly, he didn’t mind being the subject of her humor for as long as he could keep her happy. “I’m not a man-child, Pep. Not anymore.”

“You’re cute when you protest.”

“You wound me, do you know that?” She was still laughing at him but he didn’t mind. Instead, he simply leaned sideways so he could kiss her cheek because her laughter? That was literally music to his ears. “So I take it you’re excited now… about Morgan.”

“I’ve always been excited, Tony.”

“Okay, more excited now than worried?” he quickly amended as they turned left onto 74th Street, the house now just a few feet away.

“More excited now.” She smiled at him and just before he could turn the knob and open the door, she grabbed his coat lapels and pulled him into a deep, unhurried kiss. “Thank you, for what you did to the nursery.”

“Anything for you…” He kissed her once more before finally opening the door and stepping into the foyer. “Peter helped, and that’s the other best part of working on the nursery.”

“Are you two, okay now? You’re not fighting anymore?”

“I probably still have a lot to make up for, but we’re getting there.”

“That’s good because I hate getting caught between you two.”

He followed her to the kitchen, noticing that she had stepped out of her heels as evidenced by the pair she left in the family room, and he couldn’t help but wax nostalgic at the familiar sight that he had been missing all those years ago – Pepper, barefoot and in the kitchen, patiently listening to him rant about his father; Pepper, opening the fridge to make an inventory for dinner while drinking from a bottle of water; Pepper, preparing his breakfast, the way that she always did, while he sneaked his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek, watching as she quietly worked…

Even after all those years, Pepper belonged here, with him. And Andros should too, this was his home, too…

“Hey…” Pepper prodded and he blinked at the sight of her, leaning over the kitchen counter and watching him thoughtfully. “Earth to Tony?”

“Honey, shouldn’t we tell Peter soon? About his brother?”

She walked up to him and he let his hands fall on her waist while she eyed him contemplatively, perceptively. “The only reason why I didn’t want him to know is that, I’m worried that he might feel some guilt… because he shouldn’t.”

“I agree… and I’ve given this a lot of thought. In fact, when we went to that charity dinner and he threw a tantrum, I almost told him. I want to tell him, Pep. I want to come clean before Morgan’s born, and Andros… this is his home, too, you know? We should be able to talk about him freely…” He saw her nod at him, her eyes full of understanding and he knew that it was time, it was _about_ time that he tell the truth. “It’s okay, Pep. I’m not asking you to… I should probably tell Pete, on my own. It was my fault anyway, why you left—”

“No… No…” she kissed him, silencing him, and for a minute there he thought that she was against the idea. But she smiled at him, and Tony realized that he wouldn’t be alone in this. “When do _we_ tell Peter?”

If she wasn’t the perfect woman, Tony believed nobody could ever come close.

He cocked his head on one side with a slight frown. “When did you realize that you wanted to tell me?”

She sighed deeply, placing her hands on his chest to smooth his shirt repeatedly. He knew it was a nervous tell of hers and he was worried that maybe, Cornwall remained to be a sensitive topic after all.

“Let me preface this by saying that I didn’t want to tell you back then because, in a way, I was just protecting you.” She refused to meet his gaze and he allowed her that reprieve, he was not going to stress her unnecessarily. “I know that the truth won’t change a thing and that knowing about the baby will only cause you pain, but eventually I had to accept the fact that you deserved to know… and that the baby did not deserve to be hidden, to be kept from you. And when I found out that Aldrich already knows, I knew I had to tell you already because you deserve to hear it from me, because it will hurt more if you hear it from someone else other than me.”

She was right, it hurt so much finding out about the accident all on his own, all because of an unassuming envelope that was sitting on his desk. He remembered how he felt, how angry he was that Pepper did not feel safe enough with him to tell him the truth; how he felt so betrayed that Killian, of all people, knew about the baby before he did; how Rhodes, his best friend, knew all along. He didn’t like the feeling, and he didn’t want Peter to go through the same.

“Peter, too,” he muttered. “He deserves to know, and he deserves to hear it coming from us.”

She was looking at him, and he knew that she was scared but that she didn’t want him to see it. “I love you,” she whispered before kissing him, murmuring the next words against his lips, “And I am so proud of you…”

It was one of the best nights of Tony’s life… He felt light, he felt better, and just the mere idea that he had finally decided to tell Peter made him feel that he had somehow earned Andros’ forgiveness… almost.

“Which reminds me, where is that kid?” He let go of Pepper in favor of taking out his phone to call Peter but she gently stopped him by pushing his phone to the side. “We’re not going to tell him tonight, Pep. I’m just worried.”

“Then let _me_ call him.” She took out her own phone and she must have seen the way that he was looking at her because she smirked at him. “What? Face it, Tony. There’s a higher chance he will pick up if I call him rather than you calling him.”

“But only because we’re fighting,” he retorted before leaving her in the kitchen to retrieve something from their bedroom.

\---- --- ----

“Hi, Peter. We’re just wondering where you are. Actually I’m calling you because, well, you probably would just ignore your phone if you see your dad calling but we both know you won’t do that to me. So, please be home soon? We have a lot to tell you. We love you, kid.”

Tony was quietly watching while Pepper, unaware that he had been standing behind her and listening to every word she was saying, left a voicemail for the kid, for _his_ kid. He really could not hope for a better partner – a devoted girlfriend, a loving mother to his children, a fearless leader for his company – and he knew he had hit the jackpot with Pepper. The way that she stayed with him all those years, the way that she loved his son like her own in spite of their history, the way that she was giving him a second chance with her and with Morgan… everything was just extraordinary. And tonight, this night made him realize that he would be incredibly stupid if he let her go again, because this was it, the last chance, the endgame.

“Tony…” She spun around, a little bit surprised to see him standing just behind her all along. She clutched her chest as if trying to still her heart from the fright that his sudden reappearance had brought her, just as she sighed deeply. “Peter’s not answering his phone, he’s probably on his way home and he just didn’t notice so I just left him a—”

“Marry me…”

He took her hands in his and he knew that he had imagined this moment in his head, multiple times, each time as grand and as special as the last, but nothing compared to how perfectly simple this night was. And this was him, seizing that moment.

“Marry me, Pep. We can get married next year, or the year after that, or the year after that… whenever you’re ready. But I just want you to know that you’re it for me, and I don’t want to live without you anymore… Marry me, because I love you, because I realized earlier tonight that we’ve lost so many years already and I don’t want to add to those years anymore.”

He took out a small velvet box from his pocket and he couldn’t help but grin at the way that she was looking at him – so serene and smiling and crying and peaceful – and he knew, the timing was finally right.

“Pep… I love you, I’ve loved you for twenty two years and I’m prepared to love you for the rest of my life. So, will you—”

“Pepper? Pepper!”

Tony was just about to open the box so he could show her his mother’s ring when Peter came in the house in a hurry, frantically calling out for her. When the boy saw Pepper, he rushed to get to her and before they knew it, Peter was sobbing breathlessly in Pepper’s arms. The boy clung to her tightly, completely oblivious of the fact that his father was just about to propose, as he continued to cry in muffled sobs against her chest.

Between the two adults, Pepper was the quicker one to recover and was the first to notice that MJ had been standing awkwardly by the foyer. The girl was looking at Peter with a pained expression that was also mixed with concern.

“Thank you, MJ. I think we’ll take it from here,” Pepper told her kindly while her hands rubbed Peter’s back soothingly. Tony was watching them intently, he did notice that Peter had somehow calmed down, that he almost didn’t catch Pepper talking to him. “Tony, can you get Happy to drive her home?”

“That won’t be necessary, Ms. Potts. My dad’s waiting outside,” MJ explained to them. “We thought it best to drive him home than letting him go alone like that. I have to go, though…”

Tony had finally found his bearings as he pocketed the velvet box, trying very hard not to think that not more than ten minutes ago, he honestly thought that the timing was finally right. He thanked MJ, closed the door behind her, and went back to the family room to find his almost-fiancée and his son sitting by the couch. Peter had not let go of Pepper, and judging by the way that Pepper was gently running her fingers through the boy’s hair, Tony could tell that, somehow, the sobs had subsided.

He had raised the boy all on his own, he had been the one constant thing in Peter’s world for fourteen years, and yet, as the boy quietly cried in Pepper’s arms, Tony had never felt more useless. He didn’t know which made him a selfish father – the fact that he was thinking that had Peter not interrupted their night, Pepper would be his fiancée by now, or the fact that he had no idea what happened to his son or if this had been going on for quite some time now.

_Did I miss something?_

He saw Pepper caught his eye and the only thing that he could do was nod at her when she mouthed, “I’m sorry,” and he knew that he could kiss that proposal good bye, at least for tonight. He watched as she turned her attention back to Peter, murmuring gently at the boy who seemed to be clinging to her for dear life.

“Are you okay?” she asked Peter and when the boy quietly nodded, Tony had no idea who was more relieved between him and Pepper. “Let me get you some water,” she offered but Peter only tightened his grip on her, clearly not wanting her to step away.

“I’ll get it,” Tony offered, desperately wanting to feel useful.

His trip from the family room to the kitchen and back again was incredibly short but by the time he was back, Peter was already sitting beside Pepper, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, already calm but still visibly distraught.

“What happened?” Pepper asked softly, and Tony could not be more thankful that she was here with him right now.

He saw Peter looked up to her, eyes all red and teary, and voice almost breaking, “I’m really sorry, Pepper.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Peter simply nodded and Tony had been quietly watching Pepper and the boy’s exchange for quite some time now that he realized he couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t bear to hear Peter’s short replies once more, he couldn’t just stand there in the background anymore while the kid purposely ignored him the entire time. He handed his son the bottle of water and once the kid had almost emptied the contents, he began asking.

“Pete, what happened?” he asked trying not to sound too fatherly, whatever that meant. “Was it MJ? Did she dump you? Because if she did, that’s pretty decent of her to make sure you got home safe.”

He looked at the kid and the boy still wouldn’t meet his gaze. A million thoughts raced through Tony’s head, because if the boy was anything like him…

“No, no, you’re not going to tell me that I’m about to be a grandfather, are you?” He teased the boy, although he was absolutely certain that this was not about that. Still, he had to assign some room for doubt, maybe less than 0.5%, because in the grand scheme of things, well, Peter’s still a Stark, so… “Pete, kid, I’m too young to be someone’s grandpa.”

“Tony…” Pepper chided him.

“What? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I’m just trying to lighten the mood. Geez.” He took the armchair opposite the couch, facing Peter, the coffee table separating them farther than Tony would have preferred. Still, maybe Peter needed the space after all. “Seriously, kid. What happened?”

“Do you guys need a moment?” Pepper asked, still gently stroking Peter’s back. “I’ll be upstairs—”

“No, Pepper…” Peter reached out to squeeze her hand and Tony couldn’t help but notice that the kid would much rather look at anyone but him. “Please, just stay…”

“Pete?” he prodded, hoping Peter would finally look at him because Tony was really starting to worry.

Peter finally leaned back against the couch, crossed his arms in front of him, and looked at him squarely. Tony instantly knew that something was terribly wrong because those brown eyes? Those eyes that were so identical to his were looking at him in that very familiar way, familiar because it was the same way that he looked at Howard on the not exactly rare instances that he and his father disagreed on a lot of things. But Tony and Peter? They rarely had disagreements, and Tony could only think of one thing which he and his son had fought over.

“Why were you in L.A.?” Peter asked in a way which implied that he already knew the answer anyway. “After you came home from Cornwall, why did you go to L.A.?”

Tony knew it, there was ever only one thing, or one person that he and his son had fought over – Pepper. He loved her and his son did, too, and so Tony knew that the only reason Peter would be so mad at him right now was if the boy found out what he did to her in Cornwall, and _why_ he did those things…

_Who told you, kid? Who beat me to it?_

Of course he could come clean already, he could tell the boy everything right now, but judging from Peter’s reaction, he probably should table telling him about his brother for later… when Peter would have a clearer head and a less angry heart.

“I was visiting someone,” he told the kid matter-of-factly because this was not exactly a lie. “And there’s the business, so—”

“I know it wasn’t business or whatever story it was that you can’t keep straight. Why were you in L.A.? What’s in Los Angeles, Dad? Or should I ask, who?”

“I was visiting someone.”

“Who was it? What’s the name?”

“Kid, I’ll explain everything, it’s just that…” he paused and he really hoped that they could postpone this discussion for later, for when Peter would probably judge him less, for when Pepper was not sitting beside his son and getting all worked up and stressed over this secret that he didn’t want to keep anymore. “There’s a right way for all of us to talk about this.”

Peter looked so hurt and Tony did not miss the fact that his kid reached out to hold Pepper’s hand, squeezing it for reassurance. He really hoped that the kid would listen to him, that they could talk about this later in a better setting, and he was ready to believe that he had convinced his son until…

“Yeah, Dad, but we’re past that. I saw Aldrich Killian today, by the way.”

“What do you mean we’re past that?” Tony quickly glanced at Pepper and he saw her rest her free hand on her stomach and he couldn’t help but worry if she was okay, if _they_ were okay. “Aldrich Killian? What the hell is going on here, Pete? Tell me.”

Peter let go of Pepper’s hand to retrieve a manila envelope from his coat’s inside pocket. It was the same manila envelope addressed to Tony, the same one that should be sitting at the back of his safe, only he did not even notice that it was missing when he retrieved his mother’s ring earlier that night. He couldn’t look at Pepper, he knew she must be so upset that Peter had to find out this way, but obviously, there was really nothing that he could do about it anymore.

Peter placed the envelope on the table and pushed it towards him. The kid was just glaring at him and Tony knew, he should have told Peter when he had the chance.

“You first, Dad.”

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you have asked why she would marry Killian back then, and I did wonder, too, you know?
> 
> I'm so sorry, for buttering you up throughout the chapter and then leaving the ending at that. But, I love you, guys. ❤
> 
> Please keep the comments coming! You guys rock!


	22. The Lost Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "For the lost boys, and the girls who find them." —Michelle Hodkin, The Becoming of Noah Shaw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I miss you, guys. I know we've all been waiting for this, for Peter to find out, for quite some time now, and I hope this ~21K+ very late update doesn't disappoint.
> 
> I'd like to apologize because I know this took more than a month. This took a long while because just when I was writing the Malibu part, I had to be in fourteen-day quarantine (remember my line of work? I had an exposure with one of our patients. I tested negative, but still) and I honestly thought I'd finish it then, but the anxiety of being in isolation got to me. I couldn't write in those two weeks, the anxiety got to me, that and the fact that this wasn't a happy chapter. So sorry for this very late update. 😔
> 
> Anyway, remember in the previous chapter when Pepper asked Tony if he and Peter were still fighting and she went on to say, "I hate getting caught between you two," remember that? Well... Let me know what you think? ❤

_It was Tony, Andros, and Peter... her lost boys._

_\---- --- ----_

**Present day, 2 hours earlier, Manhattan NY: **

“Peter, just… say something.”

He heard MJ, he truly did, but somehow his mind was too preoccupied with a lot of things concerning Pepper, his dad, and the hypothetical sibling that was clearly hypothetical no more. It did not help that his father had been constantly asking him about his whereabouts and had seemingly decided to pull the Pepper card because his _almost-_ stepmother had been looking for him as well already, and he and his dad both knew that Peter could never say no to her. Ever.

He took out his phone and typed a quick reply to Pepper, letting her know that he was actually with MJ and wishing them a wonderful time on their date… very far from the kind of night he himself was having.

“Well, did you actually listen to my advice? Did you read the file anyway?” MJ prompted, clearly not going to let Peter play all dodgy.

He took a sip of his coffee and sighed uneasily, glancing around at the relatively empty coffeeshop before pulling out the brown manila envelope that was Pepper’s dossier from the inside pocket of his coat. He placed it on the table between them, even if he very well knew that MJ would not open it and read the contents herself, even if he begged her to.

“Peter…” she urged him once more, and he was quite sure he could hear the strain in her voice, very un-MJ-like to tell the truth.

In the end, he gave in to her anyway. Although why he was telling her everything again, he had no idea. Somehow, he felt like it bore repeating, as if saying it again would make things easier... less painful... more understandable than they were about two hours ago.

“Pepper was in an accident in L.A., she panicked when she first saw the nursery, a quite intense panic actually, and then she was probably crying while clutching the baby’s blanket, a baby who happens to share the same initials with my father,” he told her matter-of-factly that he almost sounded bored. But he wasn’t, really… he was just too tired. Still, he chose to avoid her gaze, it was just too much to take. “I don’t know how that looks to you, but it’s pretty clear from where I’m standing.”

“Are you okay?”

He smiled at her tiredly, thankful that she was with him tonight… and through all this. For a moment there, Peter’s mind wandered off to a different lifetime, a version where his sibling was around and his father had chosen to raise that baby instead of him… where he was _just_ Peter Benjamin Parker, not Parker-Stark… or at the very least, an illegitimate Stark.

_Would she still care about me had I not been Tony Stark’s kid? Had I been… just Peter?_

“Peter…” she prompted him once more, definitely very un-MJ-like. She was a girl of succinct, choice words after all. “I think it’s best that you talk to them about this… You should be home.”

But that was what MJ was _very_ wrong about, because that was probably the last place he wanted to be in right now.

_I’d rather be with you… because you do care, you probably still would regardless of my last name…_

“I’d rather be anywhere but home right now, actually…”

She reached out across the table to squeeze his hand reassuringly. “I know… and as much as I’m willing to adopt you for the meantime, home is where you need to be right now.”

“It’s just that Pepper has been so unhappy lately…” he told her even if he knew that what he was about to say would make him seem so selfish. “If I tell her about this, I don’t think I can bear seeing her even more upset.”

MJ let go of his hand in favor of reaching out to lightly touch his face, leaving him no other choice but to meet her gaze. Peter thought he probably looked completely despondent, MJ wasn’t a tactile person after all but if she was feeling the need to reach out… Maybe then he did look truly miserable.

“And you think that you’ll cause her further unhappiness if you ask…”

He frowned when he noted that her voice did not rise towards the end, it wasn’t a question then. Of course, it was a fact, a given.

“She lost my sibling, MJ.”

“But you need to get this off your chest, it’s not healthy.”

“I’ll talk to them soon… I promise,” he added the last part when he saw that she was about to protest. He stood up so suddenly and pocketed the dossier back inside his coat clearly wanting to leave, even if that meant he would have to face his own father and Pepper in the next few minutes. He was just sort of relieved to put an end to MJ’s prodding for now because he knew she would not let the idea go. “Come on, I’ll walk you home.”

She looked at him as if she was just about to protest, again, but she didn’t. Instead, she let him steer her towards the door and they stepped into the early New York night. They walked quietly for a while, but Peter knew it would only be a short while before MJ would bring up the topic once more. He knew her so well by now after all.

“You know that I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. You’re just stalling, Peter,” she pointed out after some time and she was not in any way wrong about it. They both knew it.

“Maybe… But what kind of guy would I be if I do not at least walk you to your door?” he joined in their banter, happy with the change in subject even if just for now. “What would your parents say about me if I let you go home alone?”

“My mother will probably say that you respect my independence, but the mere fact that you’re doing this anyway shows that you’re a polite and grounded kid…”

_Grounded… in spite being Tony Stark’s kid, heir to a multinational industrial company and the largest tech conglomerate in the world…_

Peter really didn’t need to hear the rest, the remainder of that sentence was heard loud and clear, crossing his mind quicker than MJ herself could probably think it. He would never admit it to his father but there were days when the future responsibility to the company and to the family’s legacy seemed so daunting that he could almost literally feel the heavy weight of it on his shoulders. He wasn’t dreading it really, probably unlike his father did before him, but it still seemed too much… and he could only imagine what it would be like to have someone to do it with, to share the legacy with…

_Like a sibling… exactly what Morgan will be, and what Pepper’s firstborn could have been…_

“It’s not your fault, Peter. You know that, right?”

He eyed her hesitantly, wanting to believe her but warring with himself against doing so because that would be very naïve. He knew his father’s philandering was never his fault, but being the child born out of that infidelity, being the very reason that drove Pepper and her own baby out of New York…

“…and based on what you’ve been telling me about your own relationship with Ms. Potts, I’m very sure she has never given you a reason to feel that it was your fault,” MJ went on sounding so sure.

He admired her for it, he wished he could be just as certain, just as sure.

“It was probably Dad’s fault, is what you’re saying,” he smirked at her sadly and he knew that even MJ, stubborn as she was, could not totally refute him.

“Maybe… But he probably simply made a choice, the best choice he had at the time.”

“MJ, Dad’s—”

“I’m not defending him,” she told him, stopping in her tracks just so she could eye him pointedly. “But all I’m saying is that ask him before you judge him. He wouldn’t choose his kid over his other kid, there must have been a reason why things happened the way they did.”

“Like why Pepper still left even if she was having his baby then…” he muttered more to himself, actually. “Knowing Dad, he wouldn’t let her leave had he known about the baby.”

MJ nodded sadly as they arrived at the obvious reason. “He probably didn’t know. Maybe even Ms. Potts didn’t know at the time.”

“Or Pepper _did_ know and she decided not to tell him…” He sighed tiredly, choosing to continue with their walk with his eyes downcast and distractedly eyeing the ground. “Given everything that was happening then, I couldn’t blame her had she chosen to hide the baby from—”

And because he wasn’t looking, that was when somebody, an older man probably in his forties, bumped into him causing that guy to spill coffee down the front of his own shirt.

“Crap!” The blond man shook the scalding drink from his dripping hand.

“I’m so sorry!” Peter was mortified as he made a fumbling attempt to rectify the situation, passing along the napkins MJ took out of her purse to the older man with the now stained shirt and suit. “I’m so sorry, Sir. I wasn’t looking and I was distracted and—”

“You’re Stark’s kid, right?”

Amid all the panic and the distraction, Peter had not noticed that he actually bumped into Aldrich Killian. There were over eight million people in New York City alone and he had to bump into Aldrich Killian. He honestly didn’t know if he should be further mortified or what.

“Yeah, my name’s Peter. I’m so sorry, Sir—”

“Kid, it’s okay. No worries, alright? I’m on my way home anyway.”

He smiled at the boy kindly, and Peter just felt weirded out. Killian was actually being nice and yet he couldn’t help but hear alarm bells ringing in his head. Pepper’s ex-fiancé was being a decent human being even after Peter spilled coffee on him and yet he couldn’t help but feel uneasy.

_He’s being too nice. Has he always been this nice?_

Peter really didn’t know what to say, he had never really met the guy in person so he had no idea what he was actually like. All he knew about the man were from his own father’s accounts (which, to be honest, were probably biased anyway, if not exaggerated), and if Pepper considered marrying the guy at some point, he must be decent, right? Somehow? At least to her?

“How’s Pepper?” Peter saw the hesitation before Killian asked and the kid realized that he was probably still in love with his former fiancée, that much was obvious. He must have seen Peter’s apprehension because he added as an afterthought, “I know she’s expecting.”

“She’s fine,” Peter muttered and he couldn’t help but think that Killian seemed genuinely concerned. But why? Surely, Killian was aware that the baby was his father’s, right? Right?

_Of course he knew that. He’s just probably really in love with Pepper… still…_

“That’s good,” Killian told him and he actually looked… relieved. Peter couldn’t believe that the man truly cared for Pepper _that much_. “After everything she went through, she deserves this chance.”

“Thanks, I guess…”

“It’s nothing. I know that you know that I don’t like your father, not when I can still remember how Pepper was when I first met her, but I care for her even if that was probably not obvious the last time I saw her.” Killian paused and Peter wondered what happened then, the last time that he did see her. “But I only want her to be happy, and I really hope that the baby’s born healthy this time.”

“This time?” Peter had not realized that he had said the question out loud.

“You did know you’re not the firstborn Stark, didn’t you?”

Peter narrowed his eyes and tried to school his features into looking much less surprised. To tell the truth, this wasn’t news to him. He knew there was a kid and the existence of his sibling being confirmed didn’t even surprise him, that much… but the existence of his sibling being confirmed by Aldrich Killian of all people? _That_ hurt.

_Aldrich Killian knew…_

“Yeah…” he muttered when he finally found his voice. “I know that.”

“They told you then, it’s good that they did.” Killian looked at him and Peter couldn’t really tell if the man believed that he knew or if Killian did this on purpose. “I should be going, but don’t worry about what happened, okay? It was nice meeting you, kid.”

Peter simply nodded, not knowing what to say. He watched as Killian walked away while his chest felt tight, his head felt heavy, and his feet seemed rooted to the spot. He barely registered MJ tapping his shoulder and calling his name, he didn’t even notice Pepper calling him on his phone that he was clutching in his hand.

He couldn’t feel a thing… other than the hurt over knowing that Killian knew before he did. He glanced at MJ and he knew that his eyes were all red and brimming with tears that he didn’t bother to hide anymore.

“MJ, he knew…” he whispered, voice breaking as he tried to find the words. “He knew about my sibling and I didn’t?”

“Peter...”

“MJ, I—” He wiped his face with his hands, ran his fingers through his hair and absentmindedly began walking in the opposite direction. “I have to go home.”

\---- --- ----

“What the hell is going on here, Pete? Tell me.”

“You first, Dad.”

For a moment there, Peter regretted letting his father know that he had the file; he was quite sure his dad was fit as a fiddle, but there was no way that he intended to give his old man a heart attack. Still, the remorse he felt for _stealing_ the file and springing it on them this way was short-lived, there was just too much at stake. That and the fact that Peter was angry, bitter even, over Aldrich Killian knowing such an important detail about their lives.

_Aldrich Killian… Of all people, it had to be Aldrich Killian._

“Where did you get that?” his father asked unexpectedly calmly than Peter would have ever thought possible given the circumstance. “Change that, I know where and how. _Why_ do you have it, kid?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“You’re not supposed to—”

“Find it? Read it?” Peter challenged, all pretense of a calm façade breaking down little by little. He felt upset, guilty, disappointed, and basically a million other things that all boiled down to the fact that he could have had the sibling he had always wanted all along. “I know Morgan won’t be your and Pepper’s firstborn. I’m probably not even _your_ firstborn!”

“Hang on, how did—” His father wiped his face with his hands, clearly frustrated. He then looked at Peter with a very pained expression, he looked so defeated. “Did Killian say something to you?”

But that was it, that did it for Peter. He was so sure he was about to lose it because this was basically his father confirming that yes, Killian knew. The man knew about this very important detail about their lives and Peter didn’t. What, did anyone forget to tell him? Did he miss the memo?

Peter knew he probably looked like he was seething with anger but there was no point in masking it. It’s now or never, and there was no way in hell that he would allow his father to lie his way out of this one.

“So what you’re saying is that Aldrich Killian really knows something about our life that I don’t know? Dad… just for once in your life tell the truth.”

He looked at his father squarely, dark brown eyes identical to his challenging Peter to back down, but he wouldn’t, he couldn’t. The lies, the secrets, these would all end now, Peter would make sure of it, and that would be regardless of whether his dad wanted him to know the truth or not.

Still, his father seemed unshaken and Peter was just about ready to beg him for the truth, when Pepper, probably seeing how desperate and hurt Peter actually was, broke the impasse between father and son.

“I had your brother in L.A.,” she told him so quietly Peter almost missed it, if not for the tight squeeze that Pepper gave his hand. “I am so sorry we didn’t tell you…”

He caught his father leaning forward and crossing his hands while deep in thought, watching Pepper intently, sadly, all traces of anger over Peter stealing the dossier gone. And Pepper… she seemed so different. Peter could tell that beneath the tough exterior that his father had always told him Pepper tended to show, he knew her heart must be breaking. Peter thought that if her initial reaction about Morgan’s nursery could be his barometer, talking about the baby, _his brother_ , must be like putting her heart through a wringer… over and over again.

And yet she was doing it… for him…

“Brother… I have a brother…” Peter repeated, more to himself than to anyone else. He gazed at Pepper and he could tell from her teary look that of the two possibilities he had thought of, the odds looked dismal. Still, he hoped. “So where is he?”

“Pete—”

“You know, Dad, MJ told me not to read the file,” he cut in, interrupting his father from steering the conversation himself. “… Because she doesn’t want me to judge _you_ based on assumptions. She wanted me to hear you out, let you explain, give you the chance to maybe even defend your choices.”

“Kid…”

“I can’t believe this.” Peter abruptly stood up, shaking his head and feeling so confused now more than ever. He was so upset, so disappointed, so… lost. “Dad, you knew I have a brother all this time, and you didn’t tell me. Aldrich Killian knew and I didn’t?!”

That was the last straw, Peter couldn’t deal anymore, at least not for now. He was out of the family room and up in his own room in a flash, walking out on his father and (regrettably) Pepper.

Tony stood up, debating whether he would go after Peter or not, but ultimately deciding to let the boy cool his head. He sat beside Pepper who, even after the kid had left the room, had yet to relax from sitting stiffly while clutching her stomach. She was so quiet and she looked so upset. He could swear he saw her wince a bit earlier and he couldn’t help but worry.

“Pep, Honey…”

“Tony, I’m so sorry…”

She looked so teary and he couldn’t help the anxiety that was adding to the mix when he saw her resting her hands, one on top of the other, above her stomach.

_Is something wrong with her? With the baby?_

He wrapped his arms around her and she visibly relaxed, all the tension from the night’s drama leaving her body as quickly as he held her close. He kissed her hair while he stroke her arm, hoping it would soothe her.

“Pep, are you okay?”

“Are _you_ okay?” she murmured against his neck and he knew he probably shouldn’t answer that anyway. What was the point of lying? “How did he get the file?”

He sighed tiredly, wanting to kick himself in the head. “Peter knows the combination to the safe, although why he would be sleuthing, I have no idea. I took out Mom’s ring tonight and I didn’t even notice that the file wasn’t there.”

“He’s probably so confused right now,” Pepper whispered softly, pointedly avoiding his comment about the ring. “This is so unlike you, Tony, and in case you didn’t know, you’re a helicopter parent.”

He scoffed, not wanting to admit that he was but not denying it anyway. “I’ve been distracted lately… and I just thought that Peter’s a good kid, he can be the least of my worries.”

“But he’s _your_ kid, he can’t be—”

“Just a 100% good. I know.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you were going to.”

“No. I was going to say he’s _your_ kid, he can’t be easily swayed. Just like you.” She kissed his jaw, effectively ending that argument. “That’s probably why he has the file. He didn’t believe you back in Malibu.”

“Pep, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” she assured him, her arm which was draped above his waist squeezed him lightly. “What are we going to do?”

“We are looking at convincing a fourteen year-old mini-me that this wasn’t his fault, that he shouldn’t feel guilty, and that his father only did what he thought was best for him. Sounds familiar?”

“Vaguely…”

He smiled at that, in spite of everything that just happened.

“What would I do without you?”

“Well then it’s a good thing we’re together.” She sounded so sure and he was thankful for that. “We’ve been through a lot, Tony, but I like our odds.”

He dipped his head, brushing his lips softly over her brow, whispering the words, “I love you.”

She smiled at him just as she pulled away, but when she stood up and grabbed her purse before heading for the kitchen, he was almost certain that something was really wrong. He followed her, watching her closely.

“Pep, are you okay?” he asked as she poured herself a glass of water. She winced, and he did notice this time.

“Go check on Peter, I’ll follow you shortly.”

“Honey, what’s wrong?”

“I just need a minute.”

“Should we go to the hospital?”

“No, no. I’m okay.” She approached him, kissing him on the cheek just as she placed her hands on his chest. “ _We’re_ okay.”

“Pep…”

“I’m fine, but Peter isn’t.” When she made arguments like that, how could he ever win? “Talk to him. I’ll follow you.”

He eyed her uncertainly, but when she began pushing him out of the kitchen, he conceded. And as he ascended the stairs, Tony just really hoped he wasn’t unknowingly choosing one kid over the other again.

* * *

** 23 years ago, March, Manhattan NY: **

“Tony… We need to talk.”

There was a time in Tony’s very young life when this was what he used to wish for – his father wanting to see him, talk to him, spend time with him, after the great Howard Stark would come home from his frequent business trips. As a young boy, at least before he was shipped off to boarding school and then to MIT, he would always look forward to his father being home, just to catch up or to avidly listen to stories of his most recent trip abroad, and ~~almost~~ always he would be disappointed. There would always be a next meeting or an urgent matter, anything that would give his father an excuse, a _valid_ reason to ignore his son. And Tony, being the smart boy that he was, eventually realized when he was unwanted.

The pattern went on, Howard got busier and Tony grew more distant. Eventually, what used to be disappointing became the norm, and Tony was fine with it. He no longer sought the man’s attention, instead he avoided it like the plague. Because right now, whenever his father actually remembered that he had a son that he _needed_ to talk to, it was most definitely because he wanted something from Tony, never mind if Tony would actually agree to it.

Case in point.

“Tony… open the door, we need to talk.”

He got off from his bed and reluctantly turned the knob, opening the door to his bedroom but not letting his father in. He simply stood there in the doorway and eyed the man that never really saw him, never really knew him.

“What do you want, Dad?”

“You didn’t join me in Tokyo.”

“I’m sorry, I thought it was optional,” he smirked at his father, wondering what the older man wanted this time. “Besides, I had a date…”

Howard seemed unfazed and Tony couldn’t help but think that the man was perhaps really, truly, unfeeling. “It was optional, Tony, but the polite thing to do was to at least meet the Fujikawa family who—”

“Who I am never going to marry into,” Tony finished for him, all humor and sarcasm lost in his voice this time. “You’re not making this decision for me, Dad.”

“You say that now—”

“And I’ll keep saying it again and again and again.”

He didn’t want to tell his father about Pepper, after all, he knew what Howard was capable of doing. But maybe if Howard could see that he was being serious this time? That he actually had good intentions? That this wasn’t just a phase?

_That I actually like this girl? A lot?_

“Dad, I met someone,” Tony muttered quietly that Howard almost didn’t hear him. He hated sounding so vulnerable around his father, but if this was what it would take… Tony would do anything. “For the first time in my life, I actually met someone who understands me, who doesn’t give a damn about my surname, who makes me want to be better… Someone that I want to be deserving of…”

His father nodded briskly and Tony was almost relieved that his father actually believed him but he should have learned by now that the man would never change his opinion of him… that in his eyes, Tony would always be that irresponsible trust fund kid incapable of deciding for his own self.

“I see… Let me know when you finally get bored of this _someone_. In a week or two, perhaps?” Howard told him evenly before turning and walking away.

Tony could only scoff and shake his head in annoyance. He should have felt insulted, but right now all he knew was that he had felt so lost for so long… but not anymore. Howard should know that.

“When I become a father, I’ll be nothing like you,” he told his father’s retreating figure who had stopped at Tony’s declaration. “I’m not going to take the decision away from my son. My kid will get to decide for himself, he will be the one making important decisions for _his_ life.”

Howard didn’t look back at him, but Tony did hear what his father thought he didn’t.

“And may you never disappoint your son, because clearly, I did mine.”

* * *

** Present day, Manhattan NY: **

“I just thought I was doing the right thing by not telling you about your brother. I was worried you’ll feel guilty, when you shouldn’t.”

“You don’t get to decide how I should feel or what I should know!” Peter half-shouted from the other side of the door. “This is _my_ life, I get to decide what to feel! And this is _our_ family, I deserve to know!”

Tony sighed and bit his lip, stopping his fist midair before he could half-knock, half-punch Peter’s door in frustration. He was getting nowhere with the kid, although why he decided to meet his son’s anger head on, he didn’t know. All he knew was that he needed to be there for his son, even if Peter didn’t want him, because that was what fathers were supposed to do, what Howard should have done for him all those years ago…

“Peter… Kid, just open the door. Let me talk to you. I promise to tell you everything—”

“You’re more than a decade late for that.”

“Just let me talk to you… please.”

“I don’t want to talk to you right now. Or maybe ever!”

Tony closed his eyes and leaned his head against Peter’s door, all the frustrations starting from his aborted proposal to Peter’s run in with Killian, culminating at this revelation of the tragic events from L.A. started weighing heavily on his shoulders. This wasn’t even counting his anxiety over his unborn child when his girlfriend clearly looked like she was in pain, physical pain, just downstairs.

Just really, when did this night turn into this nightmarish version of reality? He was just having dinner with his wonderful girlfriend, they were enjoying a lovely evening stroll, the timing was finally right and he was just about to propose… and then all of a sudden, this?

He took a deep breath, mustering all the patience he thought necessary.

“Come on, kid. Surely, you don’t mean that.”

“I don’t want to talk to you, Dad! Just leave me alone!”

A gentle tap on his shoulder pulled him out of his misery, prompting him to open his eyes and move away from the door. It was Pepper, and she looked sad and exhausted and worried. He was just about to ask her if she was okay but she beat him to it.

“I’m okay,” she whispered, gently squeezing his arm for emphasis. She then knocked lightly on Peter’s door, clearly having heard their furious exchange just immediately before. “Peter, does it apply to me as well? You don’t want to talk to me, too?”

To be honest, Tony wasn’t really counting on it to work, but it did. A few seconds after that and the knob slowly turned and Peter was there, standing at the doorway, eyes blood shot and rimmed with tears. The kid looked hurt and confused, so much so that Tony thought just seeing him this way would cause his own heart to give out.

Peter simply cocked his head to the side, letting Pepper in without a word and without a single glance towards his father. And just when Tony was about to follow Pepper inside, Peter got in his way, one hand already gripping the door’s edge.

“I said I don’t want to talk to _you._ ”

It was probably the coldest tone his son had used on him, not that there had been many, and the fact that the kid refused to meet his gaze did nothing to alleviate the hurt. Tony wanted to reach out to him, to comfort him, to assure him that he would be there for the kid no matter what, but any of his attempts to do so was cut short by Peter shutting the door on his face.

“Your father’s just worried about you…”

Peter turned around at the sound of Pepper’s voice and he couldn’t help but feel so small. He knew that his father just wanted to make things right, but he wasn’t ready to hear him out, not when he couldn’t bring himself to believe everything that the man would say… at least for now. In his head, Peter believed that between the two adults, he had a better chance of hearing the whole, unadulterated truth from Pepper because she saw him for who he was, a fourteen year-old boy capable of deciding for himself. His father, on the other hand, was a different story – the man’s overprotectiveness would only get in the way, Peter was willing to bet on it.

“How are you?” Pepper prodded, nudging him to talk.

He shrugged his shoulders and collapsed on his bed, letting all the emotions from the night wash over him. He turned his head to the side, watching as Pepper sat beside him on the bed, her back against the headboard while a hand was gently resting on her stomach. He frowned at that, she seemed uneasy after all.

“Are you okay?” Peter asked, not missing the way she winced when she stretched her legs out on the bed.

“I’m fine,” she told him soothingly as she reached out to run her fingers through his hair. “I’m sure you have questions.”

He did have questions, quite a lot to tell the truth, and even if at the back of his mind, somehow, he already knew the answer, he still wanted to ask. There was just no point in making assumptions, not when he was still painstakingly clinging to the idea that his brother, regardless of how miniscule the probability could be, was simply out there living with a different family and under a different surname.

“I have a brother…” he declared more to himself, really, simply testing the idea as the words left his lips. “Where is he? Because I can only think of two possible scenarios and I don’t think you would give up a baby for adoption, it’s just unlike you… and Dad would never let you…”

“Peter…”

He looked up towards Pepper, brown eyes practically begging her for the kinder, more acceptable alternative. “So where is he?”

She shook her head sadly and Peter could almost feel the slight tremor from her fingers as they gently ran through his hair. “I think since you know that I will never give up a baby and given that you have my file, you already have an idea what happened.”

“But I was hoping for the best.” His answer came almost instantaneously and he couldn’t help but sound so desperate. “Please tell me that you just gave my brother up, so we could still look for him. So I could still meet him.”

She was watching him, perhaps debating how to tell him, how to break the news to him. In the end, she sighed deeply, seemingly realizing that there was no other way around it.

“What do you know, Peter?”

“Nothing.” He gazed towards the ceiling, not wanting to see how unhappy Pepper really was. “I first saw the file when I was searching the house for clues on why Dad went to L.A. after you came home from Connecticut, I knew you were fighting then and I wanted to know why, I wanted to help. MJ and I were trying to set you up for Valentine’s, remember? Then I heard you and Dad talking in Malibu about _the baby_ and about Cornwall, and that was when I started suspecting. I’ve had the file for weeks, since the day you told Dad about Morgan and I was so angry at him for reacting that way over the paternity test and I thought if he hurt you again, I might as well learn the truth and read it.”

“And did you? Read it?”

“I didn’t… I couldn’t,” he admitted, closing his eyes as he felt a few tears escaped his lids. “I know you had a baby in L.A., but I’m too scared to know what happened.”

“What happened with Aldrich?”

It was Peter’s turn to sigh, there it was again, haunting him, mocking him – the fact that Aldrich Killian knew and he didn’t.

“I just bumped into him tonight, by accident,” he told her glumly. “He actually means well, he’s worried about you, if you’re doing fine. He told me he just wants you to be happy and that he really hopes that, and I quote, ‘the baby’s born healthy _this time._ ’ And he was surprised to note that I didn’t know I’m not the firstborn Stark.”

Pepper shook her head, clearly frustrated. “I’m so sorry we didn’t tell you. We thought that since it won’t change anything, it’s better if you didn’t know.”

Peter understood what she was trying to say, he really did, because as soon as he knew that he had this long lost sibling the guilt started as well. He kept wondering what if – what if his father chose that kid, what if his dad didn’t marry his mother, what if Pepper never left…

He gazed up at Pepper pleadingly, “Please tell me that you simply gave him up.”

The way that Pepper sighed so deeply and the way that she shook her head defeatedly was pretty much the answer that he needed. He couldn’t bear seeing her so broken and while he wanted the truth, he knew that reliving everything must still be difficult for her, even after all these years. He couldn’t look at her, so he instead moved to rest his head on her lap, wanting to comfort her just as she was comforting him as well.

“I was in L.A. and 30 weeks pregnant when I got in a car crash,” she told him and his mind automatically pictured the long scar that she had on her left arm. He was right all along, and boy, how he wished that he wasn’t. “If you read the file, you’ll see that the other driver was drunk and high. The next thing I know, I woke up in a hospital and I already lost the baby. I don’t remember going into labor, they just told me that I already lost a lot of blood by the time they found me. When I was pulled out from the site, the baby didn’t have a heartbeat anymore. They said I almost didn’t make it. When I found out I lost your brother, I wished I really didn’t make it at all.”

Peter could hear the soft sobs she was trying to stifle and as much as he wanted to console her, he didn’t know what to say. What would you tell a woman who had lost her kid anyway? How would you console her when you were probably the reason why she ended up in Los Angeles in the first place?

“When was this?” he whispered after some time, when his own sobs had subsided and his voice wasn’t breaking so much anymore.

“I left New York in February. It was five months after, about three weeks before you were born.”

“Did you… Did you know you were pregnant when you left?”

He honestly didn’t know why he was asking. Maybe because it would make him feel better if Pepper had been unaware, because then his dad wouldn’t know either. But if she knew that she was having a baby and she still left… then maybe she did leave because of him and his mother.

“About ten weeks…” She must have felt the way that he gripped her knee, guiltily, because she stroke his arm reassuringly. “It’s not your fault. I’m sorry I left. I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought it was what your dad needed at the time.”

“You simply made a choice,” Peter muttered quietly, not wanting to entertain thoughts about how selfish his father had been to let Pepper go, whatever his reasons were. “You did it out of love.”

It was the least he could do to make it up to her, for whatever hell his father possibly put her through all those years ago. One by one, everything just made more sense – why she woke up panicked in the hospital a few weeks ago and when she told him that she wanted this baby, Morgan, _so much_ , why she was so rattled over the idea of his father working on Morgan’s nursery this early on, the way she looked at him the first time that she realized he was his father’s son… why she asked him if she could hug him the very first time that she cooked him waffles for breakfast…

_She lost my brother…_

“Did you hate me?” he whispered quietly. Even if he asked, he was so afraid of what her answer would be.

“No, Peter. I never did.”

“But you lost the baby.”

“I don’t hate you, Peter, and I never will.” She sighed longingly and Peter swore that just like his father, he didn’t deserve her. “Somehow you’ve always been my kid, too, you know? Nothing’s going to change that.”

“I’m sorry you lost my brother.”

“It’s not your fault, and I don’t want you to think otherwise.” She stroked his hair reassuringly. “We’re already planning on telling you, you know? Tony wanted you to know before your sibling is born.”

He knew it was Pepper’s own way of repairing the bridge between him and his father, but he wasn’t ready to deal with it just yet. He felt sorry for Pepper, but he could never understand his father and the decisions he made. He didn’t want to understand, at least for now.

“I saw the blanket you were holding in Morgan’s nursery… That’s my brother’s, wasn’t it?” He stole a quick glance at her and she nodded quietly, watching him with nothing but understanding in her eyes. “He had the same initials as Dad’s. What’s his name?”

“Andros… Andros Edward…”

“Andros…” he said the name out loud, memorizing everything about it – the feeling of lost, the longing, the regret. “Tell me about him? What did he look like?”

He could hear Pepper’s hesitation, it was almost tangible, and he regretted the question as soon as he said it out loud.

“He was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen…” Her voice was breaking, for the very first time since they started talking that night, and the most unfortunate thing was that he didn’t know how to comfort her. “I bet he had your father’s eyes… just like you do.”

Peter closed his eyes, gripping Pepper’s knee as if his life depended on it because he was drowning and his heart was breaking… for the brother he never met and for the woman who, in spite of everything, loved him as her own.

“I’m so sorry, Pepper.”

“I know… It’s okay.”

“Can we visit him?”

“Of course. I’ll let your father know, we'll get the jet ready.”

“Can you please stay? Please don’t leave…”

He didn’t really know why he was asking, all he knew was that he was not just asking for tonight… and he hoped that she understood, that she knew…

She kissed the top of his head and swiped the stubborn curls that kept falling near his eyes.

“I’m here, Peter… I’m not going anywhere.”

* * *

** 23 years ago, March, Manhattan NY: **

“Anthony?”

A single knock followed by the sound of the gentle swinging of his door opening prompted him to sneak a glance towards his mother even as he lay on bed and gazed at the ceiling. He wondered how she knew what happened, or _if_ she knew what happened. But then again she always did, no matter how hard he tried to keep things from her.

“Did Dad send you? Are you going to be the good cop?”

He moved over to one side so that his mother could sit on the bed beside him, smirking as he did so. He loved his mother so much that even if he would rather be alone at the moment, he was willing to let her in, in his room and in his thoughts. His father was also aware of that fact, so much so that Howard would often take advantage of that relationship between Tony and his mother for whenever he needed Tony to yield and obey.

“He didn’t send me, but he did tell me what you two have been fighting about.”

Tony scoffed, not really bothering to hide his animosity towards his old man. “This is _my_ life, Mom. I’m deciding for myself. I’m not marrying Rumiko just so Dad could secure this merger—”

“I agree.”

“ _You_ agree?” Tony asked in disbelief and his mother almost laughed at him.

“I do,” his mother nodded and Tony couldn’t help but feel reassured with the way she was running her fingers through his hair. It was comforting to know that she was at least on his side. “Don’t worry about it anymore, I won’t let that happen.”

“I don’t want you and Dad fighting over—”

“There won’t be any fighting. Your father is Howard Stark, he should be able to secure that deal on his own.”

Tony squinted, stealing a quick glance just to see the certainty in his mother’s eyes. It always amazed him that such a very powerful man like his father would bend at her wishes. His father loved her so much and perhaps, that love was the one thing that Tony really admired about the man. He wasn’t the best father a kid could ask for but he loved his mother, truly, deeply, more than life itself.

“I just don’t understand Dad…” he muttered, more to himself really, but his mother heard him nonetheless.

“You will find this hard to believe but everything he does, he does it so thinking it’s what’s best for you.”

“Mom, you don’t have to—”

“I’m not defending your father. I’m just saying that he does things out of love. They aren’t always good, the decisions he makes aren’t always amenable but he always _thinks_ they’re the best given the circumstances.” She then smiled at him knowingly, adding, “But just because Howard _thinks_ they’re the best decisions, it doesn’t mean they’re the right ones.”

“I don’t really know what you see in him,” Tony muttered petulantly, short of saying _‘I really don’t know how you put up with Dad.’_

His mother lightly touched his face, swiping at the brown curls that kept hitting his eyes. She rubbed his arm reassuringly and for a moment there, Tony felt… normal.

“We all have our flaws, Anthony,” his mother murmured softly, pensively. “It takes a very special person to see beyond those flaws.”

“You’re a saint, do you know that?”

“They do say that… and I heard Pepper is, too, for giving you another chance after that emergency room fiasco,” she teased him lightly. “So how was the second date?”

Tony couldn’t help but smile at that. His mother had taken an instant liking for Pepper since day one, that was a good sign. Maria Stark had always been a polite woman, she never directly expressed dislike over his conquests but neither did she show approval of anyone… until Pepper Potts.

“It was perfect,” Tony snuggled closer and closed his eyes instead. “She’s wonderful, Mom.”

“I bet she is.”

“You’ll be seeing more of her, you know?”

“I’ve always known that I will,” she told him, sounding very much unsurprised.

He turned on his side and rested his head on his mother’s lap, instantly putting his guard down while she combed his hair with her fingers. He felt safe, secure, loved even…

“Can you please stay? Just don’t go, Mom.”

“I’m here, Anthony… I’m not going anywhere.”

* * *

** Present day, Manhattan NY: **

Tony rolled out of the undercarriage of the ‘32 Ford and glanced at the clock displayed on one of his several workshop monitors. It was a little bit past eleven and after everything that had happened during the day, he was quite surprised that they had not hit midnight just yet. It had been a long day after all – from Pepper finding out about the nursery, to their evening stroll, to his almost proposal, to the confrontation with Peter – and yet he was quite certain that sleep would be so elusive tonight. Yes, even with Pepper safe and sound beside him, sleep would be very hard to come by.

He took a quick shower to get the grease off before trekking upstairs to Peter’s room. The house was quiet, which could only mean that Pepper was probably already asleep in their room and the kid hopefully in his (granted that the boy had not run away given the hostility between them). He knocked tentatively and gently pushed the door open when no one answered from the other side.

There were days, many ones in fact, when he still could not believe what he had done in his past to deserve Pepper still. He loved her, he truly did, but he had also hurt her to the point that until now, he could not believe that she came back to him. She was a saint and he was nothing but a lucky guy, and even tonight, luck still seemed to be on his side given the sight that greeted him.

Leaning with her back against the headboard was his almost-fiancée, with her hand draped protectively around his son whose head was resting on her lap. In spite of the night’s events, both looked peacefully asleep, making Tony almost choke with the memory of how his own mother would similarly soothe him after his many confrontations with Howard. It had been twenty years since his parents’ accident and yet, there was never a single day that he never missed his mother. He could only imagine how things would be had his mother been around still, and he was quite sure that they wouldn’t be in this trouble had that been the case.

Tony gently sat at the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through the boy’s hair. For fourteen years he had been the one constant thing in Peter’s life but he could not be more grateful that Pepper was here for the kid now as well. As much as he prided himself in raising Peter all on his own, the kid needed a mom, whether they both realized it or not, and Pepper had been exactly just that. And so in spite of the day’s events, he could feel his heart swelling. He never really deserved her.

“Honey…” he whispered, gently stroking her arm to rouse her. “That position can’t be comfortable. Let me take Peter and tuck him in, then let’s go to bed. Are you okay?”

“I’m okay,” she smiled at him and he did notice that she glanced at Peter worriedly. She swiped at those stubborn curls before rubbing the boy’s arm gently. “We talked, Tony, he had a lot of questions.”

“What did you tell him?”

“He’s had the file for weeks, Tony, _weeks,_ but he didn’t read it. He told me that he couldn’t, that he’s too scared to know what really happened.” She seemed exhausted and he couldn’t help but worry. “I told him that I left because I thought it was what you needed at the time. I told him about the accident, but I didn’t give him the details.”

He nodded, fully understanding what _details_ she was referring to – why she really left and what made her leave, that he wasn’t really with her after the accident, that he didn’t know about the baby until a few months ago when they left for Connecticut and what exactly happened in Connecticut…

“Pep, you didn’t have to protect me.”

“He’s very confused, Tony. He doesn’t need those details right now.”

He sighed frustratingly. He watched as Pepper continued to stroke Peter’s hair and once more, just like he always did, he couldn’t help but wonder what if?

_What if she never left?_

_What if we figured things out way earlier, when Peter was still a toddler?_

_What if we didn’t have to spend the last fifteen years apart?_

He watched Peter, looking so peaceful in spite of his red, swollen lids.

“How did he take it?” he asked not taking his eyes off the kid.

“He kept begging me to tell him that I gave up his brother instead, even if he already figured out the accident.” She sounded teary and he avoided looking at her, he might not be able to bear seeing her so broken. “He was hoping, Tony…”

Now he was starting to second-guess himself. Was it really wise to tell Peter the truth? To tell him everything?

“Telling him is the right thing to do, Tony,” she murmured, answering all the questions he didn’t even need to ask. “You know it is.”

“I know…” He touched the boy’s face lightly and he was again reminded that Peter was still just so young, even after everything that happened. “It’s just that when he finds out everything, and I mean _everything_ , he might not forgive me after this… and I might lose him forever…”

“You won’t.”

“He may be turning fifteen soon, but he’s still my baby boy, you know?” Tony couldn’t help but sound so pensive. He had missed Peter, ever since they kept having those fights, he had missed the boy so much. “What are we going to do now?”

He glanced at her and judging by the uncertainty in her eyes, he had a fairly good idea of what was next.

“He wants to go to L.A., to visit…” she trailed off, clearly not wanting to say the rest of that sentence out loud.

_The memorial park…_

He nodded, somehow at least relieved that he at least had something to do. He had felt so useless the entire night.

“I’ll call Happy, tell him to get the jet ready for tomorrow.”

“Tony, I don’t…” she hesitated but even if she did, he already knew what was coming. Pepper’s pregnant, and the last thing she probably needed was to spend time in the place where she lost everything. “I can’t stay in L.A., not while I’m—”

“I know, I’ll get the Malibu mansion ready.”

“Thank you.”

He smiled at her before carefully standing up so as not to wake Peter. He then moved around to the other side of the bed and gently pulled the kid away from Pepper’s lap, tucking him in like what he always did when Peter was younger. He kissed his forehead and he could only hope that the boy knew how much he loved him, that in spite of his many shortcomings Tony was simply trying his best… for him… for this family.

He then walked towards Pepper and offered her his hand, “Come on, Honey. Let’s go to bed.”

“I can’t…” she told him, her eyes still on Peter watching him closely. “I promised him I won’t leave.”

Somehow, he had always known. There was a reason why his mother had been so fond of Pepper even from the very start. The two were so much alike, and he couldn’t help but think about the nights his mother had stayed with him when he needed her the most, like what Pepper was doing for Peter right now. And as if on cue, his mother’s words echoed in his head, reminding him…

_“… Be prepared to do anything for her… and then, one day, be prepared for her to sacrifice everything for the kid.”_

He sat in front of her and pulled her towards him, kissing her deeply, languidly, and unhurriedly… He deepened the kiss, closing his mouth over hers and urging her to part her lips… never letting go, never wanting to let go…

“I love you…” he murmured against her lips not really knowing what to say other than those three words.

She leaned forward to rest her forehead against his, sounding clearly out of breath, “What was that for?”

“I needed at least one thing I planned for tonight to actually work…”

“Tony…” she pulled away and those blue eyes were already apologizing… for the night they could have had and for the ring she could be wearing on her finger right now. “I’m so sorry…”

“I know… It can wait.” He kissed her once more, lightly this time, wanting to reassure her. “I’ve already waited fifteen, twenty years. What’s a few more days, right?”

She smiled at him sadly and if only Tony could have his way, he was never letting her go, not tonight. But he had to, the timing was not right… timing was never on his side.

“I’ll get some blankets and pillows. If you’re sleeping here, I’ll sleep on Peter’s couch.”

“Tony—”

“Don’t argue with me, Pep.” He turned around and headed for the door, not wanting to give Pepper a chance to scrutinize his face. “Dad wasn’t always there for me, and I vowed never to let my kids know how that felt like.”

There it was again, even after all these years. Howard Stark telling him what _not_ to be, and how to be the father he always wished he had.

“Okay…” Pepper muttered and Tony felt relieved that she was giving him an out by not discussing what he had just shared. “Can you get my purse as well? I left it in the kitchen earlier.”

“Sure, I’ll get it.”

Tony closed the door behind him and headed downstairs for the kitchen. He instantly recognized Pepper’s black quilted purse that was sitting on the counter and as he went on to retrieve it, he couldn’t help but notice that she had left it open. What caught his attention were the small white pills, a couple of which had been popped from the foil blister packs.

He jogged up the stairs and he was so worried that he did not even recall how he had managed to retrieve some pillows and blankets from one of the guestrooms in Peter’s floor. He however prided himself with the fact that he had at least managed to take a deep breath and to stop himself from simply barging in Peter’s room, consciously reminding himself that the kid was already asleep.

He quietly dropped the pillows and blankets on Peter’s couch, and glancing at Pepper, he had noticed that she had probably left the room for a quick change because she was wearing his MIT sweatshirt. She eyed him questioningly and Tony couldn’t help but tense his jaw in frustration because, well, he wasn’t the one keeping secrets after all. Still, he didn’t want to be confrontational. He wasn’t angry, he was just worried and he just wished she would tell him.

He took out the pills from her purse and showed it to her instead. Pepper didn’t even look surprised, she simply sighed tiredly and he felt so helpless, again, for the second time that night.

“Pep, are you really okay?” he asked her, still holding the pills for her to see.

“I am now. I was having cramps earlier and—”

“Pep—”

“It’s fine. I called Dr. Greene earlier before I went up…” She approached him and when she put her arms around his waist and rested her head against his chest, she had won him over. He dropped the pills on the couch so he could wrap his arms around her, kissing the top of her head as she explained. “He gave me those pills a few weeks ago, standby meds, just in case I get some cramping or spotting and—”

“You should’ve told me,” he murmured softly, not wanting to chastise her but simply wanting her to know that she was not alone this time. He was here for her, he would take care of her this time around. “Are you sure we don’t need to go to the hospital?”

He could feel her shaking her head just as she told him, “Peter needed you.”

“But you and Morgan—”

“Are fine.”

He believed her because surely she wouldn’t be downplaying the problem if there was any, after all neither of them could survive it if they were to lose another kid. Still, Tony felt so bad because Pepper should have known that she could tell him, that no matter the circumstance surrounding them, he was there for her… She was not alone this time.

“Honey, next time just tell me everything,” he murmured, hoping that she wouldn’t feel his heart thumping wildly. “I don’t want you to think that I’m putting you last again—”

“I know… And I know that you don’t.”

“It’s just that we cannot lose another baby.”

“I know…” She kissed him as if to reassure him. “I’ll call Bambi tomorrow, I’ll let her know that I’ll be working in SI California for the meantime.”

“You’re not working, you’re resting.”

“I’ll work remotely if I have to, video conferences…” She must have noticed him furrowing his brows and tensing his jaw because she said, “Tony…” in that tone that meant she was not hearing any of his arguments anymore.

In the end, he gave in, nodding his head as he let her go so she could finally lay on the bed and get that much needed rest.

“Hon, promise me that you’ll tell me everything next time.”

_I’m here for you, Pep. This time, it will be different._

“I will.”

“I should probably call his school,” he nodded in Peter’s direction. The kid was sleeping soundly, no doubt exhausted from the day’s events and revelations.

“You probably should…” She narrowed her eyes at him, studying him as he made his way to the couch, fluffing a pillow before trying to find a comfortable position to lie in. “We’ll get through this, Tony.”

He nodded once, not taking his eyes off of her. “Thank you, Pep, for being wonderful to all my kids.”

“You mean _our_ kids,” she glanced at Peter, reaching out to adjust the kid’s blanket so he wouldn’t be cold.

“Yeah… Our kids.”

Tony watched as Pepper’s eyes finally drifted close in exhaustion. He was tired himself but after everything that happened that night, he couldn’t bring himself to sleep, so he just lay awake watching Pepper closely. She didn’t seem to be in any kind of discomfort and so when he was finally convinced that she was really alright, he tried to close his eyes in an attempt to doze off.

Sometime in the early hours of the morning, he was awakened when the soft light through the bathroom door pierced the darkness. He thought it was probably Pepper, her hyperemesis had not subsided yet, and he was just about to get up and check on her when Peter stepped out of the bathroom and headed back towards the bed. He wasn’t sure if the kid noticed him, the kid seemed half-asleep to tell the truth, but when Peter went back to bed and snuggled close to Pepper, Tony was just glad that he caught those three words that he hadn’t heard in a very long while. It was barely above a whisper and Peter was definitely sleep talking but it didn’t make the sentiment any less real.

“Love you, Mom.”

* * *

** 20 years ago, December, Malibu CA: **

“I was wondering where you went,” Pepper greeted Tony, joining him as he watched the waves hit the coastline that chilly December afternoon.

The sun was slowly setting and the air had dropped a few degrees and yet there was Tony, sitting on the sand in nothing but khaki shorts and a crisp white shirt. She figured she would find him here, it wasn’t a difficult guess to make anyway after she had woken up alone and frantically searched the house for him. She was glad, though, that she had at least grabbed her white floor length cardigan as well as a blanket before making her way to the quiet beach. It was cold enough, and yet Tony didn’t seem to mind or to notice.

She gazed at him and she couldn’t help but feel that almost a week over after his parents’ accident and it was becoming more evident that the elder Starks weren’t the only ones that she had lost. Somehow, along the way, she was losing Tony as well and she hated every minute of it. Gone was the carefree, misunderstood boy he met at the steps of The Met two years ago, and as selfish as it might sound given everything that happened, she needed him maybe even just as much as he needed her right now. But what hurt more was that even if she wanted to be there for him, he wouldn’t let her. He was deflecting, he was avoiding processing his grief, and even if the Malibu mansion had always been _their_ safe haven, Pepper knew that they couldn’t escape here for long. Tony would have to come back soon, face his responsibilities, and grow up…

She knelt beside him and threw the blanket over them before leaning forward and kissing him on the cheek, hating the fact that she couldn’t even bring herself to ask him if he was okay, because what would be the point anyway? She knew that he wasn’t and he wouldn’t even tell her and she couldn’t even do anything about it. But he did catch her eyes and offer her a tired smile, such a rarity these days, before kissing her longingly…

“I love you, Pep… You know that right?”

She nodded, letting him pull her towards him as he wrapped his arms around her and kept her close, as if he was afraid that the world would take her from him as well. He had lost a lot and it pained her just knowing it was the case.

“Pep… I never got to say goodbye to my father…” he murmured, voice breaking and sounding so far away, so lost. “Before they left that day Dad and I had an argument and I never said goodbye. It ended in a fight.”

“Tony, it was _one_ moment. It doesn’t compare to the good ones, the many good ones that you had together.”

“But I never understood him,” he told her as he pulled her closer, so she let her hand rest above his heart hoping it would reassure him, take away the pain somehow. “He kept a lot of things from me, he took away a lot of decisions from me, and now that he’s gone I still feel like I never really knew him.”

“He loved you, Tony.”

“He loved my mother.”

“He loved you, too.”

He was just quiet and there was nothing else that she wished in that moment other than for Tony to realize that he was loved by his father, _especially_ by his father even if their relationship had not been exactly smooth sailing. She pulled away from his embrace just so she could look at him, hoping that whatever faith she had could rub off on him as well. It was what Tony needed to hear, to know, even if he himself did not realize it so.

“I guess he did try his best,” he conceded, before averting his gaze towards the deep blue waters.

They sat there is silence while they watched the skies changed from deep orange to purple signaling the approaching dusk. And as much as Pepper wanted to let Tony process the grief which he had been repressing, she couldn’t rush him either. She knew he needed time but not knowing where his head was at was driving Pepper uneasy. She didn’t want to lose Tony but it was proving to be very difficult to be there for him when he wouldn’t let her in in the first place.

Still, what do you tell someone who had lost both his parents in one night? How do you keep him from being so alone… so lost?

“I’m here for you,” she whispered, reaching out to gently squeeze his arm. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“That’s what Mom used to promise…” He was looking straight ahead, careful so as not to meet her gaze as he asked her hesitantly, “But would you still choose me if I wasn’t me? If I wasn’t _the_ Tony Stark?”

“Tony…” she smiled to herself sadly, not because she wouldn’t but because the idea alone that he could even think otherwise sounded inconceivable in her head. “You know that I love you… I’d even say, in spite of it.”

“But do you regret it?”

“Regret what?”

“Letting me in.”

It was asked so simply, so naïvely, that it was probably one of the rare instances that she had seen him so vulnerable. He seemed so lost, she knew that he felt so lost. But she was here and it broke her heart that he couldn’t see it for himself that he was loved, that he was deserving of that love, and that he would never be alone again, not if she could help it…

“I love you …” She reached out, lightly touching his face so that he would turn and meet her gaze. She kissed him, hoping that whatever doubts he had would be quelled by that kiss. “I could live a million other lifetimes, any version of reality, but I’d always find you… I’d always choose you. Because it’s you, Tony… it’s always you.”

“Even if—”

“Even if,” she affirmed while she wiped at the tears that had started falling from those dark brown eyes of his.

“Pep, I don’t have anyone but you...”

She nodded, fully understanding the weight of those words and hating the fact that there was so much truth to it. He buried his face against her chest and wrapped his arms around her tightly, as if he was afraid that he would lose her, too.

She didn’t know how long they sat there but the one thing she remembered from that night was whispering to him the one thought that had the power to both reassure and scare her at the same time…

“You’re all I have, too, you know?”

* * *

** Present day, Malibu CA: **

Peter had always wanted a sibling, he had always wished for one. In fact, there was a time back when he was about four or five years old when he threw a tantrum thinking that Christmas was basically cancelled after he got a life-size R2D2 instead of the baby sibling he had asked Santa for. He was young, he was naïve, he believed in Santa, and so he also thought at that time that it was the only way he would have that baby sibling he had been fervently praying for.

Slowly, eventually, as he got older (and wiser), he gave up on the idea. There was just no way that he would have a baby sister or a baby brother in the future, unless of course his father would decide to remarry, the odds of it happening though was very much uncertain. His father never really dated, never showed an interest in anyone, so much so that one would think somebody broke his heart and that he never really got over that one person… And as it turned out, that was exactly what happened.

And then Pepper Potts came (back), and for the first time for as long as Peter was old enough to remember, his father was truly happy, a different man, a changed man. Setting them up was an innocent act, an act of goodwill that any wingman-slash-son would do, and Peter took pride with the fact that he was actually the one that made this all happen. When he closely thought about it, he was the one that brought them together the night of the concert fundraiser or, as his father would shamelessly point out, the night Morgan _happened_. Since then, Peter had this family, and it was everything that he had always dreamed of.

But then also came the secrets and the lies.

For the past fourteen years, his father had been the one constant thing in Peter’s world. He was there for him every step of the way – he was his best friend, his mentor, his confidante, the coolest dad. He was everything that Peter wanted to be like. His father was his idol, his hero, which only made the past few days more difficult than they already were.

They had been staying at the Malibu mansion for almost a week now, and he had gone to visit his brother at least three times already, the first instance was with Pepper and his father and the next two, he did on his own. To tell the truth, he didn’t know why he kept coming back. He thought maybe it was because he was trying to grieve a brother that up until less than a week ago he wasn’t exactly sure existed. Or maybe it was because he was trying to get over the guilt of knowing that his brother would have been alive had Pepper not moved to L.A. because of him and of his mother. It could also be because he was trying to make peace with the fact that his father chose him, when his dad could have easily chosen the other kid, his brother, Andros…

He picked up a pebble and threw it into the sea, and another and another. He didn’t know why he was standing on the shoreline and doing it, to be even more honest he wasn’t sure what he should be doing at all. He was just confused and angry and guilty… he was just at a lost.

Should he have apologized to Pepper when they visited his brother instead of simply standing there, gazing at the headstone and not saying a single word until he couldn’t take it anymore and he ran back to the waiting Audi? Should he be reaching out to his father instead of avoiding the man at all costs ever since they set foot in Malibu? Or should he be giving more thought as to how his life could have easily been different had things been, well, different?

_What if I was just Peter Parker? A Stark by blood, but an illegitimate kid all the same?_

He would probably be living in Queens, had that been the case, with an aunt or an uncle after his mother passed and the Fitzpatrick side of the family turned his back on him. He could still be attending Midtown, probably on scholarship, but he was quite sure he’d get there on his own. He probably wouldn’t be interning for SI, though, because had things been different, he was quite sure he would have avoided his father at all costs.

He couldn’t imagine it, not knowing his father and not having the kind of relationship they had… But then Pepper would have never left, the two would probably be married by now, and Andros… his brother would be around, maybe even learning the ropes around SI while Peter watched from afar…

He sighed tiredly and took out his phone, hitting the speed dial because he needed to hear from that one person who had always made him feel like a normal, regular guy.

“Peter?”

“Would you still be… with me, if I wasn’t me? Had I not been Tony Stark’s kid?”

There was a pause from the other end and Peter couldn’t help but feel as if something clenched his heart. This was MJ after all, nothing could surprise that girl but if she was taken aback and at a loss for words…

To be fair, he did spring the question out of the blue, so who wouldn’t be surprised, right? Right.

“You mean without all the gold trimmings?”

Peter bit his lip not really knowing what to tell her and not even sure if he wanted to hear her answer. He knew MJ was different from all the rest, she never really cared for his surname or who his father was or what his family tree looked like. She treated him like a regular guy, well as normal as she would normally treat other guys, and she knew him so well… her question being a perfect testament to that fact.

“Just because you’d be dressed poorly wouldn’t mean you’re no longer Peter Benjamin… Besides, I’m quite sure those science pun shirts aren’t exactly breaking the bank so I bet you’d still be wearing those anyway, regardless of your surname.”

He smiled sadly, grateful that she did know him so well. He wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to hear, but that response? Who knew, apparently that was exactly what he _needed_ to hear.

“Are you okay, Peter? How’s Malibu?”

He sighed deeply, not really knowing where to begin. “Malibu’s… confusing at best and painful at worst.”

“Peter…”

“I’m fine,” he told her almost mechanically without really thinking about it. “I’m just not sure if I feel glad about being Parker-Stark right now.”

“But you should feel glad that you are.”

“I don’t know, I don’t really see why I would want to be him,” he muttered distractedly, not exactly meaning for her to answer him back. He already knew that surname came with a cost, at the expense of his sibling even, apparently.

“He’s a good person… and I happen to like that guy.”

“You do?” he retorted even as he picked a pebble and threw it into the water, pouring all his frustrations in that throw. “Because I’m not even sure if I like being me and—”

“What’s not to like, Peter?”

There was a pause, filled only by the sound of his painfully futile efforts to repress the sob that was threatening to escape his lips.

“You’re one of the good ones, Peter… never forget that.”

He could hug her had she been with him at the moment. Hell, he could probably kiss her even if she would most definitely slap him for it, but he would be willing to take that risk. Because she probably didn’t even realize it then but MJ did save him in that moment, just when he didn’t know exactly what to believe in or who to turn to… just when he felt as if all was lost and that he didn’t deserve this life… all of it.

Perhaps, it was a blessing in disguise that he noticed then that Pepper had been quietly, tearfully, watching him from a distance. It at least gave him an excuse to end the phone call with MJ, muttering a simple, “Thank you, but I have to go,” in place of a more suitable response to what she had just told him. He really had no idea what to tell her or how to thank her and so he was glad that Pepper came by. He would thank MJ, properly, next time; she would understand, she always did.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt, I just wanted to check on you,” Pepper told him as she approached, seating herself on a rustic wooden bench just beside from where he was standing. He then took a seat beside her and they watched the sunset in mutual silence.

“You didn’t, I was just about to end the call anyway.”

“Where were you all day? Tony told me you left early this morning.”

“I was in L.A., I went to… I just feel like I have to visit him, again. I’m really sorry, Pepper.”

“You shouldn’t be.”

“But I am,” he insisted, although he affirmed the thought more to himself. He gazed out to the sea because he couldn’t look at her, he felt too guilty. “I’m really sorry about everything. If you didn’t leave because of me, because of Mom, Andros would be here and—”

“You shouldn’t feel guilty,” Pepper told him softly and for some reason, in spite of himself, he wanted to believe her, if only he could. “The accident was… nobody wanted it to happen, no one saw it coming. I decided to leave, Peter, and while I had my reasons for making that choice, it was not because of you.”

“But—”

“Remember what I told you the very first time I cooked you waffles?”

He risked a hesitant glance towards her and the kindness in Pepper’s eyes eased his heart’s burden, even if it was just for a little bit. He then shook his head no and bit his lip, because he could feel his eyes welling up while his chin began to quiver.

“I told you then that I’m so glad your father has you…” she murmured reassuringly and that was when Peter broke whatever composure he had mustered. “I never blamed you, Peter. It’s not your fault.”

She took his face between her hands and gently wiped at the tears that he couldn’t control anymore. Pepper smiled kindly at him and for the very first time since he lost his mother, he felt like a kid again. His father loved him, cared for him, even did his best, but with Pepper around… there was that distinct feeling that he hadn’t realized he had been missing for quite a while now.

He hesitantly nodded in agreement and rested his head on her shoulder while she wrapped an arm around him. He did feel comforted and as warm and as safe as he did just like when his mother was still around.

“I love you, Peter, just as much as I love Andros and as much as I’m going to love this new baby. You’ve always been mine, too, you know?” She rubbed his arm reassuringly and Peter was just a mess. He couldn’t stop the quiet tears, it was as if all the confusion and the guilt from the past weeks just came crashing down on him, all at once. “And if MJ is everything you say she is, she will, too, no matter what.”

“You heard,” he quietly muttered, smiling at the thought even if couldn’t decide if he felt more embarrassed than glad at the moment.

“I did, and I don’t want you doubting yourself. You and Tony are so much alike, I don’t know if either of you realize that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Hmm, let’s just say this isn’t the first time that I heard someone struggling with and lamenting about having the Stark name on this beach.”

“Dad, too?” he couldn’t help but ask.

She ran her fingers through his hair and the gesture alone reassured him. “It was a week after your grandparents’ accident, I found him sitting here and he asked me if I’d still be with him had he not been _the_ Tony Stark.”

“And?”

“I told him that I love him, even in spite of it.”

Peter lifted his head from her shoulder and offered her a small smile. He couldn’t help but shake his head in amusement as he echoed her words, “… in spite of it.”

“That’s just about your father, though.” She gently tapped his shoulder and the entire time, he couldn’t help but wonder what if he grew up with Pepper around? “You, on the other hand, are a good kid. Your grandmother would be very proud.”

He scoffed as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees just so he could avoid Pepper’s piercing gaze.

“It’s just… having Dad, this life, everything that I have… I feel like I don’t deserve any of this,” he admitted before he could stop himself.

“You do… and your father loves you, I can attest to that,” she whispered but there was firmness in her tone and Peter knew that it would be pointless to argue his point. For a moment, he briefly thought about how his dad would often insist that he should listen to Pepper, that she always knew what was best. He hoped his father was right.

They simply sat there, quietly watching the waves while Peter got ahold of himself. They haven’t had a chance to talk about what happened in L.A. after that fateful night in New York, but he did have a lot of questions and he had no plans of letting those remain unanswered. He didn’t want to talk to his father, at least not yet, but Pepper was here and she had been there for him since he found out. She never left his side that night and she had been nothing but understanding and reliable and caring…

“Did you regret it? Leaving?” Because if he didn’t ask now, he would never be able to gather enough courage to do so.

“I thought it was what your father needed at the time, but I’d be lying if I tell you that I never wondered what could have happened if I never left.”

_You mean, would my brother be alive had you stayed?_

Peter sighed resignedly this time. He had to know, it was now or never. He probably wouldn’t get another moment alone with her anyway, not with the way that his dad kept hovering around her, worrying about her and his baby sibling.

“Pepper, why did you _really_ leave?”

He could sense Pepper’s hesitation and he knew she was holding something back. His father was right about one other thing as well – Pepper couldn’t lie to save her life. She was just too kind, too good, too honest… and so he wasn’t even a bit surprised at the way she steered the conversation back to him.

“Why are you so angry at your dad? Shouldn’t you be just as mad at me as you are with Tony?”

She had a point, but still.

“You didn’t answer my question. Why did you _really_ leave?” He stood up so he could face her, so she could see that he had to know and that he deserved to understand. “You wouldn’t leave Dad. You never gave up on him during the five years that he was at his worst. He drank too much, lied to you, cheated on you, and yet you stayed. So I know that you wouldn’t leave knowing you’re having his baby unless Dad made you. Pepper, what did he do to you that was so bad it was enough to make you end everything?”

She looked so hurt and Peter wondered what his father could have possibly done that was enough to elicit that pained look on her beautiful face even fifteen years later.

“Nothing…” she whispered not sounding convincing, at all. “He didn’t do anything.”

“I don’t believe that. Stop protecting Dad.”

“I’m not…” she paused, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “Peter, talk to your father.”

“Why? He never tells me the truth anyway. It’s like I don’t know him at all, and you’re the only one who tells me anything.”

“Everything you’re feeling might be totally justified, but you two have to talk at some point. He wants to make things right with you.”

“I don’t want to.”

“You and Tony can’t fight like this forever.” She then stood up, not letting go of his hand, while she implored him to listen. “Peter, give your father a chance. Talk to him.”

He really didn’t want to, he wasn’t ready to face his father after all. And Peter was a teenager, he was at that point when he actually believed that he could live the rest of his days just avoiding his father and maybe, just maybe, he was prepared to do just that.

But then Pepper raised her hand to lightly touch his face and seeing her so unhappy really broke his heart. She then whispered, “Do it for me?” and he knew then, that was his undoing.

“Okay…” he conceded, resignedly. “Okay.”

\---- --- ----

Peter (quite begrudgingly) found himself hesitating at the glass door of his father’s workshop. He was sure he wasn’t ready for them to make amends, but he at least found the resolve to actually discuss everything that happened fifteen years ago. To be honest, he wasn’t sure if his father would tell him the truth this time, but Pepper had assured him that his dad was willing to talk, that he wanted to make things right. And Peter believed that because he, at the very least, had faith in Pepper right now.

Still, if he was unsure about his father’s intent in telling him the whole truth, all the uncertainty was quickly washed away by the sight that unfolded before him. Through the glass doors, he could see his father with his back towards him, gazing up at the hologram monitors which were projecting many of Peter’s childhood photos. There were photographs of a toddler version of him playing along the beach here in Malibu, some taken in their Manhattan residence, and a lot more others including ones taken at the hospital the day he was born.

The sight clenched Peter’s heart and he found himself feeling guilty about his resentment towards his father when all he wanted to do in that moment was to run towards his dad, give his old man a hug, and apologize. He knew that he should not have shut his father off, but Peter was also well aware that he was not ready to talk to him just yet… and he was just glad that his father had respected that. His dad kept a reasonable distance, he never pestered him that they bury the hatchet already, and he never even tried to defend himself from Peter’s (probably unfounded) accusations. Peter knew he was letting him cool his head, allowing him to bide his time until he was ready to talk, ready to know what really went down all those years ago.

Peter did wonder though if now was the best time to ask, he did notice a glass of scotch sitting on his father’s worktable after all. But many years of seeing his father pour a glass but never really getting around to drinking it had taught Peter that today was not any different than the rest. That glass, obviously, had been sitting there on the table, untouched for quite a while now, if the moisture from the outside of the glass after the ice had already melted was any indication. It was most likely poured out of habit and if that was the case, Peter knew that his dad was, quite certainly, feeling lost.

He keyed in his passcode and before the door to the workshop could even swing open, his father had closed the monitors and swiveled his chair to face him. His dad looked at him expectantly and Peter tried to find a particular spot he could focus his gaze on, eventually settling on directing his eyes to the floor instead. He had caught the longing look on his father’s eyes and he couldn’t bear seeing the man so sad… so guilty, probably just exactly like him.

“I’m ready to hear you out,” Peter quietly muttered, his gaze never leaving the floor.

“Okay…” his father replied tentatively and carefully, perhaps worried that Peter would just lose it in a blink of an eye. “Why don’t you take a seat, kid?”

Peter ignored the offer, he was just too anxious to be sitting still.

“I need you to tell me everything.”

“Everything?”

He didn’t like the hesitation he heard in his father’s voice. Just exactly, how many million other things was the man keeping from him? And for Pepper to feel the need to protect him… he was so sure that Pepper was protecting his father… but why?

“Why did Pepper really leave?” He lifted his head, catching his father’s eyes while trying to ignore the fact that he could feel his own eyes welling up while his father’s looked tormented. He tried to sound as calm, as even, as he could. “How could you let her go when she was having your baby? You didn’t have to choose between me and my brother.”

“I didn’t, kid.”

His father’s reply was short and clipped and while the man looked grim, he did answer calmly. That, Peter could not understand.

_How can you be so pragmatic about this, Dad? How?_

“But you chose me!” Peter tried but he couldn’t keep the irritation out of his voice. “Why did you choose me? No, why did you even make a choice? You should’ve been man enough to take both kids in and—”

“I didn’t know it then, okay?”

“What, you didn’t know you had the option _not_ to make a choice?!”

“I didn’t know I was choosing between you and your brother!”

His father threw his hands in the air and abruptly stood up, grabbing the very first circuit board he could get his hands on and throwing it into the far corner of the room out of frustration. Peter, on the other hand, stood rooted to the spot stunned.

_MJ was right, Dad didn’t know…_

“You didn’t know?” Peter whispered, the realization washing over him as quickly as the anger did.

“I didn’t know she was pregnant when she left. I should’ve noticed, should’ve paid more attention, but I didn’t...”

His father was calmer now but he looked so hurt and Peter could tell how much the man regretted not knowing. He knew in that moment that he was right about his father, that his dad would never let Pepper go had he known about the baby. He was probably thinking exactly what Pepper thought, that maybe, the baby would have been alive had she never left, had he not let her go, had he known… and Peter knew he had probably been blaming himself for it for years…

Peter wanted to reach out and comfort him, but not just yet. There was still too much to discuss.

“Why didn’t she tell you? Because she _knew_ , she told me she knew when she left.”

His dad merely shook his head and avoided his gaze. He looked almost ashamed and Peter narrowed his eyes as things started falling into place, as everything made so much more sense.

“You did something… something else…” Peter hated sounding so accusatory but the words were out of his mouth before he could even rethink it. “She wouldn’t leave, she stayed with you even after you cheated on her and treated her unfairly… So why would she keep the baby from you? Did she leave because of Mom?”

“No…”

“But you married Mom. Wasn’t that why she left?”

“No…”

“Then why? Was it my fault?”

“No, kid…” His father looked at him pleadingly and Peter almost gave in and dropped the subject off. Almost. “It wasn’t your fault, it never was.”

“Then why?”

His father looked at him apologetically and Peter didn’t like what he saw. The look on his father’s eyes made him realize that he wouldn’t like what he was about to hear either.

“Three days before she left, she wanted to talk to me. I didn’t know it then, but she was apparently going to tell me about the baby, but… I screwed up, Pete, and your brother paid the price…”

His dad rubbed his face with his hands and Peter did not miss the fact that his eyes were red and teary. Peter was right, the man blamed himself, had been blaming himself since.

He thought about getting to the fridge that was sitting in the corner to retrieve a bottle of water for his father, but he saw the scotch that was sitting on the table and pushed it towards his dad instead. The man eyed it hesitantly but took a small sip nonetheless while Peter watched.

“What happened then?” Peter asked, and he was no longer angry. He wasn’t heartless after all, he just wanted to understand.

“She woke up alone, we were already living in together at that time, and she spent hours frantically searching the house for me. When I came home that day, she looked so relieved to see me, and she told me that she had news for me, for us. But I told her that I had news, too, and that I needed to get it out soon because otherwise I might not be able to do it at all. So I went first, I told her I just proposed to your mom and that I was getting married.”

“Dad, why did you even marry Mom?” he asked, his tone was genuinely curious and without any hint of sarcasm. “I’m not going to hold it against you but you never really loved her, at least not in the way that you did Pepper.”

“I was trying to change, I wanted to change for you. I was also finally selfless enough to let Pepper go, to set her free, something that I should’ve already done five years earlier.”

Peter sighed deeply, not really knowing how to respond to that. It was typical of his father to overdo things, to overcorrect.

“How did Pepper take it?” he asked instead, moving the conversation along.

“She looked so surprised and hurt and blindsided but she remained calm. I then asked her what her news was, I believe my exact words were, _‘You’re not gonna tell me you’re pregnant, too, are you? Because if you are, I think I might just lose it.’_ ” His father scoffed and took another sip of his drink and Peter watched him quietly, not missing the cynicism in his tone. “Predictably, she didn’t tell me about the baby. She instead told me she was moving away, for me… I mean, can you blame her? Because even _I_ wouldn’t tell _me_ about the baby—”

“Dad, wait, let me get this straight…” Peter raised a hand trying to cut in. He shook his head, feeling as if his head was about to burst at what he had just heard. “You told her you wouldn’t be able to handle having a kid just when she was about to tell you that she was pregnant?”

“Kid, things were different then, _I_ was different then—”

“Dad, _you_ got her pregnant.”

“—but I swear, had I known—”

“I can’t believe you.”

“I’m so sorry, kid…”

It was now Peter’s turn to wipe his face with his hands, wishing that the gesture would clear his head somehow. He paced in a tight circle, well aware that his father was watching him, while he tried to gather his thoughts and think and rethink everything.

“You know what’s really annoying, Dad?” he said after some time, randomly picking a screw driver and twirling it in his hand to distract himself from the anger he didn’t want to let out. “The annoying part is that in spite of what you did, I actually understand.”

“You understand?”

“I know, I can’t believe it either,” he quipped humorlessly before closing his eyes just so he wouldn’t have to look at his father. “I cannot blame you for what you said, even if I want to and you have no idea how much I wanted to. What you did to her? It was selfish, but I understand how you must have felt at the time, that you probably weren’t ready…”

“Pete…”

“I’m sorry, Dad…” he could feel himself softening, the tough exterior starting to crumble because this was his dad after all. They both made mistakes, they fought, but the bond remained… it never really went away. He caught his father’s gaze, pensively this time. “I’m sorry… for everything.”

“I know… and I’m sorry, too.”

He nodded, acknowledging the apology and recognizing the sincerity behind it. He glanced at his father’s worktable and he did notice now the new additions to the framed photos on his desk – a picture of Pepper smiling at the camera while his dad kissed her cheek, the Malibu beach serving as their backdrop, and a candid shot of Peter and Pepper at the kitchen of their Manhattan residence, the two of them chatting over breakfast. His father must have taken that shot a while back, the morning after her supposed wedding, and Peter found himself distractedly tracing the frame’s edges.

“I understand as well why Pepper kept the baby from you,” he murmured, still gazing at the second photo. “But the accident wasn’t your fault, Dad… and at least you were there for her after it happened, when she lost my brother.”

The lack of reply prompted Peter to glance up since he couldn’t help but wonder if his father had heard him at all. But when Peter did see the look on his face, it was very telling. He could feel the blood rushing to his head, any previous conversation about apologies was quickly forgotten as soon as Peter realized the truth.

“You weren’t there?” he whispered, not wanting it to be true. “She was all alone?”

His father’s silence spoke volumes and all Peter wanted to do was to rush upstairs and hug Pepper, for braving that ordeal alone, for surviving such a huge loss all on her own…

“Dad…”

“I didn’t know we had a kid,” his father pleaded for him to understand. “I just learned about your brother recently—”

“Recently?”

“Less than three months ago. I didn’t know about the baby for fifteen years. I only found out through the file, Killian sent it to my office and—”

“Killian?” Peter felt as if his head was about to explode. Everything just seemed so screwed up. “ _You_ didn’t have the file put together?”

“What? No. Killian sent it, trying to drive a wedge between me and Pepper.” His father must have seen the look on his face just when Peter finally realized _everything_. “Pete, kid, I only knew about your brother three months ago, and Pepper and I… we’re worried about telling you because we don’t want you feeling guilty and—”

“Is that really the reason why?” he asked quietly and Peter couldn’t help but notice that his father had sensed his tone as well. “Or are you just afraid of what I would think of you?”

“Pete…” It was all his father could utter and he knew he had hit a nerve.

_Bullseye._

“Do you really think so little of me?” he asked, looking his father straight in the eye. “Did you really think I will judge you? When all you had to do was tell me the truth that you didn’t know about my brother, and that you weren’t there for Pepper when she lost him because you didn’t know about the accident?”

“But that’s the thing, Pete, I _could’ve_ known!” His father frustratingly fired back. “I could’ve known about the baby had I been paying her more attention! I could’ve known about her accident had I answered my phone! Because the hospital did try to call me, _repeatedly._ I was her emergency contact and I knew the call was from L.A. but I was selfish and I wanted to move on so I ignored it. I basically condemned Pepper to suffer our loss all on her own! I abandoned her just when she needed me the most!”

“Dad, did you place a large bet against yourself in this argument?!”

Peter was so upset by now, they both were. It was so obvious that his father blamed himself, had been blaming himself since, and it was so frustrating because he was trying to tell his dad that he understood that he didn’t know, that the accident was not his fault, that he didn’t think any less of him…

“Dad… you didn’t know,” he muttered after some time, when they had both somehow caught their breaths. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I’d save that thought for later if I were you.”

Peter furrowed his brows at the comment and he was just about to ask when he made the connection almost instantaneously. Really, what else could his father be feeling guilty about?

_Three months ago… Was that what they were fighting about? In Connecticut?_

“You found out about my brother in Cornwall, didn’t you?” Peter asked, hating the fact that he knew full well where this conversation was leading to. “Was that what you were fighting about?”

“I just found out I had to grieve a baby I didn’t even know I had.” His father slumped exhaustedly, collapsing on the nearby couch. “Who wouldn’t be mad?”

It wasn’t that long ago when they had a conversation about that trip in this very same room, when Peter was so worried because he knew they never really made it to their reservation and his father had admitted that he did have to apologize to Pepper for what he did in Cornwall. His father tried to brush it off, claiming they had an _argument_ , and Peter hadn’t really thought about it again because the incident sounded so benign but now…

_Things couldn’t get any worse, could they?_

“What did you do to her when you found out?” he asked, already dreading whatever answer he was about to hear. “You said you had to apologize to her for what happened in Connecticut. What did you do to her when you found out?”

“Peter, what happened in Cornwall wasn’t important,” Pepper softly muttered, almost startling them because neither of the boys realized that she had come down to the workshop. She must have heard them shouting at each other all the way from the living room. “It was between me and your father, we talked about your brother and the accident—”

“Why are you protecting, Dad? What did he do to you?” he asked, really concerned this time.

“Nothing important. I didn’t tell Tony about the baby when I left fifteen years ago and it’s understandable that he was so upset and—”

“Pepper, just don’t!” He hated everything that was happening. He hated shouting with Pepper around, he hated the fact that his father was being so quiet about things, and he hated all the secrets, all the lies. “What did Dad do to you? Tell me!”

“Peter…”

“I said tell me!”

“Enough!” It was his father’s turn to raise his voice, and Peter almost felt so small at the dark, familiar eyes staring at him intensely. “I’ll tell you everything, but leave Pepper out of this. I don’t want her stressing over this and—”

“No, no. You are not using her as an alibi again. What did you do, Dad? Because if you so much as lifted a finger against her, I swear—”

“I kidnapped her.” He couldn’t remember the last time he saw his father so broken, but the man looked at Pepper with red, tearful eyes while his voice broke. “I didn’t hurt her, not physically, no, I would never. But I think I kidnapped her.”

Peter could hear the blood rushing in his ears. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, this was all so fucked up. “What do you mean you think you kidnapped her?”

“Peter… It wasn’t like that,” Pepper tried to intervene but he was not hearing it, and neither was his father.

“I fucked up,” his father muttered quietly, never taking his sorrowful gaze away from Pepper. The look on his father’s eyes, though, was already enough to let Peter know that he had not forgiven himself for it yet, even if Pepper seemingly already did. “I found the dossier sitting in my office before we were supposed to leave and I was so angry, I saw red. I forced her to get in the car, drove really fast on the freeway even if she begged me to slow down because she was having flashbacks from the accident, and I basically held her hostage for days in Dad’s old hideout place in the middle of the woods until she agreed to tell me everything.”

It was as if everything stood still, and everything Peter knew – how kind his father was, how generous he always had been, how he loved Pepper so much – seemed so uncertain to him right now. He glanced at his father who was watching Pepper worriedly, then at Pepper who was quietly crying in a corner with her face buried in her hands, and he honestly had no idea how it all came to this. For months, the couple had tried to appear okay in front of him, even if he now knew that they were having problems far worse than he ever imagined. Peter knew there were ‘issues,’ as his father put it, but he had no idea it was this bad… this horrible.

“I promised to tell you everything, and kid, that was everything.” His father tried to catch his eyes and Peter wondered if they would ever be able to come back from this. “Pete, please, just say something.”

“Did he hurt you?” he asked Pepper instead, and he was so relieved when she gazed back at him with nothing but reassurance. “Physically?”

“He never did…” she told him, one hand unconsciously resting on her stomach. “And I know he never will.”

“Pete…” his father was almost pleading, and this time, Peter met his gaze. “I didn’t mean to do that… I was angry and believe me, I haven’t forgiven myself—”

“I understand that you were angry, but you kidnapped her, Dad. Not telling me about my brother is one thing, but this? I’m surprised you didn’t break up. You’re damn lucky she’s still with you!”

“Kid—”

“And you kept telling me you simply had _‘issues’_ in Cornwall?” The sarcasm was very much evident in his voice, even as Peter made air quotes to further emphasize his point. “You had _‘issues?’_ You kidnapped her! You’re unbelievable, Dad. No, I can’t even look at you. God, I hate you!”

Peter knew he was probably overstepping it, he knew that he must have said too much. But he was angry, he was confused, he felt betrayed… and right now all he could think about was how much he hated what his father had done. And the irony of it all was that Peter realized in that very moment how his father must have felt when the latter told Howard the same thing years ago, and he knew, his dad must now be feeling how Howard felt as well.

They were all just so lost…

“Peter, don’t say that…” Pepper admonished, her voice gentle but firm, and he knew he should be listening to her, but he couldn’t, not yet.

“Why not?” He looked at his father squarely. The man had been standing so still and so quiet, as if Peter’s outburst stunned him to the spot. Brown eyes identical to his met him, but Peter didn’t buckle. “He deserves it.”

“He doesn’t, he’s still your father. Tony was just angry at the time, he wasn’t thinking straight and—” Pepper stopped midsentence when his father left the workshop quietly, without a single word or a single glance to either of them. “Tony… Tony!” she called out to him, running after his father but the man never looked back.

Peter was left alone, standing in the middle of the workshop, as he realized that telling his father that he hated him was probably the last straw. Maybe he should not have said such things and somehow, a part of him was worried that he might have just ruined his father’s relationship with Pepper once more, but he had no guilt feelings over it. He wanted them to be together in the end, but if his dad could treat Pepper wrongly at his worst, then she and Morgan might be better off away from his father after all. Maybe, and Peter hated the fact that he could agree to this, but just maybe, his father was right after all – he truly didn’t deserve Pepper in the end.

\---- --- ----

“Tony… You know that Peter didn’t mean that.”

Pepper found Tony in the living room, standing near the floor-to-ceiling glass walls with his back to her, a new glass of scotch in hand, and gazing out into the waters. He had quietly walked out of his own workshop and Pepper had a fairly good idea as to the reason why. She knew Tony so well, even after all these years he still hated one thing, he didn’t want to be anything like Howard. She could still recall the many times that he would complain and swear that he would be nothing like Howard when he became a father himself. She remembered him telling her how much he hated his old man on more than one occasion, and so when the same words came out of Peter’s mouth earlier that night, she knew why Tony walked out. The kid reopened an old wound, and Peter probably didn’t have the faintest clue.

“Tony… please, just talk to me.”

She had anticipated the quiet, the cold shoulder, it was very unlikely after all that Tony would want to rehash the night or the past. But she needed to know that he would be okay as well, that he knew that his son didn’t really mean any of those words. It was very important that Tony knew that.

“Tony—”

“Why did you even come back?”

“What?”

Pepper was taken aback and was extremely perturbed at how cold and calculating he sounded. The only other time he had used that tone on her was back in Cornwall, and if the night was any indication, maybe she should not have followed him instead. Maybe she should have given him some time to cool his head, to breathe, to be alone even if the last one didn’t seem like the best idea at the moment.

“My son hates me because of you,” he went on with his back still towards her. “Peter and I, we were living quietly for years, and then you came back and brought all these secrets with you.”

She knew he was angry, confused, hurt, wounded… but she didn’t expect him to go as far as saying these things and actually meaning them. This was just too much, even for Tony’s standards.

_Unless he hasn’t really forgiven me, for Los Angeles, for keeping the baby from him…_

“Are you still trying to punish me for losing Andros? Because I don’t know how many times I can apologize.”

“I never asked you to apologize. You do whatever you want, Pep, I really don’t care.”

Pepper took a deep breath, sighing deeply as she tried to extend the patience that Tony surely was wearing thin. She didn’t want to mention his father, but if he was being _this_ stubborn, she might as well force him to confront his demons.

“Peter doesn’t hate you. That’s what this is all about, isn’t it? It reminded you of your relationship with your own father,” she told him without any pretense, not really bothering to sugarcoat it either. “When Peter told you he hated you, it’s like the world ended for you. But he’s fourteen, Tony, he’s frustrated and confused. He didn’t mean any of that, just like you didn’t really mean it when—”

“You don’t get to tell me what Peter actually meant.” He spun around so quickly, facing her, that she was suddenly caught off guard. He didn’t seem furious, he just looked tired and frustrated, and Pepper couldn’t help but notice the resemblance between the kid and Tony. They both looked so lost… her lost boys. “You don’t know him, he’s _not_ your son. He’s _mine_.”

She didn’t miss the emphasis he put on that last word, and she wanted to scoff at his remark but she stopped herself from doing so. There was just no point in meeting Tony’s anger head on, she knew that by now. She would, however, call him out for that remark later, when he had a clearer head and a calmer heart. Still, it hurt to hear him say that.

_He didn’t really mean that, did he?_

“Tony, this isn’t you,” she tried coaxing some sense in him.

“Sure it is,” he made it a point to take a sip of his drink then, hiding behind his glass so he wouldn’t have to meet her gaze. “You’ve just never seen me like this. You don’t know what I look like when I’m not in love with you, before I was in love with you.”

It felt to Pepper as if Tony had just slapped her in the face, even if she very well knew why he was doing this. He was trying to push her away, he was trying to stop her from caring about him, because he was so convinced that he would never really deserve her and this family. Either that, or he really meant every painful word that he had just thrown her way.

“Tell me then,” she challenged, even if a part of her felt a bit scared at how he would react. “Look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t love me anymore. Tell me and I’ll leave, for good this time.” She waited, her steely gaze not leaving his for a moment, and when he didn’t respond, she felt relieved somehow. “I’m not fighting with you over this anymore. This is what you always do, Tony. You don’t think that you deserve something so you ruin it. I love you, and I’m not going to let you pull that again.”

He caught her eye for a fleeting moment and Pepper knew she was getting to him somehow. Still, Tony was nothing if not stubborn, it would take more than a conversation to make him realize that she would always be there, for him, for his son, for their family…

“Are you done? Now is that it or are you going to tell me you love me again?” he asked, but not before turning his back on her once more.

“Tony, just—”

“You should have never come back.”

There was something so different, so callous, so definitive, with the way that he said those words that Pepper found herself clutching her stomach and gasping as she tried to stifle a sob that threatened to escape her lips. Her chin quivered with the effort, but she already knew it was a lost cause – he had broken her, again, and she knew that as soon as the first few tears started streaming down her face.

“You don’t mean that…” She sobbed quietly and when Tony didn’t even budge, she mustered enough composure to get the words out as firmly as she could. “Are you honestly telling me that you’re regretting everything, including Morgan?”

He didn’t move, he didn’t glance back at her. He only took another sip of his scotch and gazed out into the sea, quiet and unmoving.

_Tony… just say something…_

\---- --- ----

_“You don’t get to tell me what Peter actually meant. You don’t know him, he’s not your son. He’s mine.”_

_“Tony, this isn’t you.”_

_“Sure it is. You’ve just never seen me like this. You don’t know what I look like when I’m not in love with you, before I was in love with you.”_

Peter was making his way up from the workshop when he heard the exchange between the two. He heard how his father put emphasis on Pepper not really being his mother, how his dad tried to push her away again, and how he tried to pretend that he didn’t love her anymore… He really had no intention to eavesdrop or to interrupt but he couldn’t help but pause at the top of the stairs, and he knew he was probably as surprised as Pepper was at his father’s next words.

_“You should have never come back.”_

_“You don’t mean that… Are you honestly telling me that you’re regretting everything, including Morgan?”_

He could hear Pepper’s quiet sobs, he caught the way that she clutched her stomach, and he did notice that his father didn’t seem to care enough to move a muscle or to at least refute her. He knew he had to do something, before his father could even say anything else that would ruin this family, _their_ family, forever.

He took the last few steps between them and rushed to Pepper’s side, gently taking her free hand in his and squeezing it reassuringly. He offered her a small smile, hoping the gesture at least comforted her.

“Pepper, the jet will be ready in three hours. I’m heading back to Manhattan. There’s room for you in the jet,” he mentioned the last part loud enough, making sure his dad could hear him.

She simply nodded, but she then glanced back at his father as if waiting for him to say anything. His dad turned around to face her this time, and he gazed at her for a while before taking another sip of his drink. The man then left the room quietly, without a single word nor a single glance in Pepper’s direction.

“I heard everything,” Peter admitted to Pepper shortly after his father left the room. “I interrupted before Dad could say anything else he will surely regret later. I’m really sorry—”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”

She smiled sadly at him before letting go of his hand so she could wipe her face with the back of her hands. She then headed for the wet bar to pour herself a glass of water. He watched as she took a drink and poured another before grabbing her black quilted purse that was on the counter.

“Pepper? I want you to know that I know you’ve always treated me as your own. And I am thankful that you do, even if Mom was the reason why… and even more so now that I found out about Andros.”

“It’s okay, Peter.”

“I just want you to know, I’m glad I have you.”

She simply nodded and reached out to squeeze his hand once, before popping a couple of small white pills which she retrieved from her purse. He frowned as he watched her chased the pills with water, the way that she rested her other hand above her stomach caught his attention as well.

“Pepper, are you okay?”

“I am,” she told him, before grabbing her purse and heading in the direction of the master bedroom.

\---- --- ----

Tony had been laying on the workshop couch for hours now, gazing pointlessly at the ceiling while he tried so hard not to replay everything that just happened in his head. Tried as he might though, he couldn’t get away from any of it. The memory of Peter’s outburst and the disappointment in the kid’s face in this very room when he told him everything, about Cornwall most especially, plagued him. The hurt in Pepper’s eyes that he saw before he left the living room to escape in his workshop haunted him, along with the guilt he felt over throwing those words at her without a second thought. He hated himself for everything that he had said, and he hated himself more for believing that Pepper would always understand, no matter how many times he screwed up.

Just really, how many more times could she possibly forgive him? How many times would he make the same mistakes, over and over again?

Eventually, he decided to get up and he headed for the workshop bathroom to splash water on his face, the coldness of it effectively sobering him up. Not that he was drunk, because he really wasn’t, but because he hadn’t been thinking clearly and he knew that his anger got the better of him. Peter hating him, whether the kid actually meant it or not, caught him off guard. It hit a nerve, instantly reminding him of his difficult relationship with his father and how he swore that he would never be anything like him. He would never be like Howard.

And yet, he could almost picture his younger self saying Peter’s exact words to his very own father, in the same fit of anger and frustration.

_Idiot. Way to screw up this time, Stark._

He hated the fact that Peter probably saw him in the way that Tony saw his own father back then, and he hated it more that where his father succeeded in always caring for his mother, he failed to do so for Pepper. So in a way, his father was probably better than him and any attempts to be so unlike the older man seemed really pointless right now.

Tony loved Pepper, he really did, and Pepper loved him, he was sure of it. But he wanted to kick himself for knowing that and for relying on that fact every time he tried to derail their relationship, intentionally or otherwise. He should really stop believing that she would stay no matter what, he should really stop counting on that.

_Because one day, she would have enough, and I would really lose her then…_

He grabbed a towel to dry his face, tossing it to the side before glancing at himself in the mirror, regretting everything he had told her earlier that evening.

_What now, Stark? Got any other bad ideas?_

He jogged up the stairs from the workshop, heading straight to the master bedroom, hoping against hope to find Pepper either soundly asleep or waiting for him, anything for as long as she was still there in his house, with him. He knocked on their bedroom door once and opened it quietly, and his heart sank when he saw her open suitcase, almost completely filled, in the middle of their bed.

She emerged from their walk-in closet, her black quilted purse in one hand and a coat in her other arm. She didn’t spare him a glance as she zipped her suitcase shut and tried to haul it off the bed, and Tony rushed to lift it for her before placing it on the floor behind him.

“Pep… you’re leaving?” he asked, as if the suitcase alone was not enough of an answer for him already.

“I have meetings tomorrow,” she told him quietly, her eyes never meeting his while she sat on the bed to put her shoes on.

“I thought you can just have video conferences,” he helplessly replied, watching her as she stood up from the bed and went to her suitcase, pulling the telescopic handle up before making her way to the door.

He rushed to block her way because he knew he shouldn’t let her go, not when he was unsure if she would ever come back, and not when the situation was giving him a sense of déjà vu when she similarly left fifteen years ago and kept their baby away from him.

“Listen, uh… the things I said… Pep, I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. You know that I didn’t mean any of that, right? I’m happy you came back, I’m glad you told me about Andros, and I don’t regret what we have. This life… Morgan is the best thing that has happened to us since you came back.” He pleaded, very much aware that he sounded so desperate but he couldn’t care less. He would do anything, _anything_ , just so she would stay. “I love you.”

She was looking at him this time, and she seemed so tired and lonely, exhausted even, after everything that happened that night. She looked so hurt as well and he knew better than anyone never to argue with her when she also had that very stern look on her face.

_She’s truly angry. I really outdid myself this time, didn’t I?_

“You’re right, I brought all these secrets with me,” she finally spoke to him and if he could only go back in time and undo the whole night, unsaid everything he told her, he was sure he would do it. “If I didn’t come back, you and Peter wouldn’t be fighting right now. He’s _your_ son and you’re probably right, I don’t have a claim over him. I shouldn’t be insinuating what I think is going on in his head because I’m not really his mother, right?”

“Pep, I didn’t really mean that…”

“But I love him, and just seeing what he’s going through right now makes me feel as if I’m losing another child… and I don’t want to feel that way ever again. I know that he’s not really mine, _I know that_ , you didn’t have to remind me of that.”

She paused and he knew it was probably to reign in her anger while she was calling him out for his blunder. He couldn’t blame her really, so he simply stood quietly in front of her, taking everything she was throwing at him without any attempt to get the last word. He deserved it, all of it.

“I’ve loved him since day one, Tony… even if he’s a walking, breathing reminder of the baby that I lost… even if, as you so eloquently put it, he’s not really mine. So don’t you _ever_ throw that in my face again.”

She looked at him, all angry and teary and he knew, he really screwed up this time.

“I won’t…” he promised quietly, directing his gaze at the suitcase just behind her because he was just too much of a coward to see her looking so hurt and frustrated. “I was out of my mind, Pep. I was not thinking. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t want to lose you, I don’t know how to win him back… how to keep you...”

“Yes, you do.”

It was said so simply that Tony couldn’t help but look up to meet her gaze. In spite of everything, she still had faith in him…

_I never really deserved you, Pep… and I don’t think I ever will…_

“That wasn’t fair, what I said. We’re partners, Pep. I love you. We should be doing this together.”

“I agree.”

_Does that mean…_

“So you’ll stay?” he asked, begged, hopefully. “Tell me you’ll stay.”

He ached to touch her, to put his arms around her and never let her go, but he couldn’t. He was quite certain that the proximity would be unwelcome right now, because while they may be talking it didn’t mean that everything was forgiven. And Tony knew, everything _shouldn’t_ be forgiven just like that.

“Pepper? Are you ready to go?”

They both glanced through the open door in the direction of Peter’s voice. The boy was standing in the middle of the hallway, his own suitcase in hand, clearly ready to leave while the kid looked at Pepper expectantly. Tony felt something clenched his heart and he realized in that moment that this time it was really different, everything wouldn’t just be forgiven after an apology, after a hug, after a kiss…

_This must be my greatest fuck up so far…_

Still he was hopeful, maybe if he could get her to stay, then maybe Peter would stay as well…

Tony caught Pepper’s gaze, brown eyes silently pleading for her forgiveness, begging her to stay…

She closed her eyes as she took a deep breath, her hand gripping the suitcase handle tighter than necessary.

“Your son needs someone,” she whispered and the tears that escaped the corners of her eyes were not lost on Tony. “Let me know when you’re ready to do this with me.”

He watched as Pepper walked towards Peter and the boy offered to take her suitcase for her. And as Tony stood there all alone in their bedroom, watching Pepper and the kid leave the Malibu mansion, his mother’s voice haunted him once more and he could only hope that his mother was right about all of this.

_“… Be prepared to do anything for her… and then, one day, be prepared for her to sacrifice everything for the kid.”_

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, I just always thought that Peter would not be _that_ mad at Tony for hiding his brother. I always thought he could probably forgive that part, but the disappointments? When he thought Tony was there for Pepper during the whole accident ordeal instead of Rhodes, the way Tony reacted during Cornwall, when he heard Tony and Pepper fighting - I have always believed those were the ones Peter would find disappointing, all because he puts Tony on a pedestal.
> 
> Don't worry about Tony and Pepper though. Tony, in spite of his temper and tendencies had grown so much after that paternity test debacle. Hopefully.
> 
> Sound off in the comments section below? Don't forget to let me know what you thought of this installment. Again, sorry this took a long while, but my schedule is freeing up now and I'm out of quarantine. Stay safe, guys! ❤


	23. The Fallout at MIT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "… people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness. You call yourself a free spirit, a wild thing, and you're terrified somebody's going to stick you in a cage. Well, baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somaliland. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself." - Paul Varjak, Breakfast at Tiffany's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No long author's note at the start, other than bear with Peter's teenage angst for the meantime because he's 14 and confused and really throwing a tantrum, and Tony's jealousy as well while he keeps lashing out on everyone because he's alone and irritable and miserable.
> 
> Remember the MIT scene at the beginning of CACW? I'm giving you a similar one. Back in Chapter 19 (History Repeating), Pepper mentioned that Tony should take Peter to MIT when he presents the grant. That's still in the calendar and Tony's about to be reminded of that.
> 
> Also, the first flashback is a direct continuation of the investors' party from Chapter 19, too, right after Howard persuaded Pepper to attend the party after all.
> 
> MORE IMPORTANTLY, it's not a happy chapter. So if you want to let the holiday season pass before you read this, it's okay. Tony, after all, is in a very bad place. But, ultimately, it's really up to you.
> 
> Anyway, I said there won't be a long author's note, so here you go, ~25K+ words and all. Enjoy! ❤

** One week ago, Malibu CA: **

“Pep, please, just stay… Let’s talk about this,” Tony pleaded even as the driver loaded Pepper’s suitcases at the back of the waiting limo.

He hated sounding so desperate, especially when Peter was just sitting in the back of the car, waiting for Pepper to get in and hearing basically everything. It was totally out of character, Tony never really had to beg for anything in his life, but at the moment he didn’t care. There was just too much at stake here, that and the fact that there was something that felt so definite, so final, about the night. The nights they fought in Connecticut were awful but not one of those compared to how dreadful this one was turning out to be.

“Pep…” He reached out, gently gripping her arms while she leaned against the car, her gaze on anything, anyone but him. “I missed out on everything before with Andros. I wasn’t there. I wasn’t a part of it.”

She quietly nodded, her eyes downcast as she whispered, “I know.”

“And I never forgave myself.”

“I know.”

“And I don’t want to make the same mistake anymore. Please don’t go, please…” He begged and begged but she wouldn’t look at him. “Don’t take this chance from me again.”

She gently shrugged away from his grip and sighed deeply, shaking her head while she wiped away a few tears with the back of her hands. “I have to go, Tony.”

“So you’re really going to take off? Leave?”

He knew he wasn’t playing fair, he knew that he was pulling the Morgan card because if that wouldn’t work he didn’t know what else to do, how else to convince her to stay. On one hand, he was glad that Pepper was doing this for Peter but on the other…

_How long will this temporary separation last? Long enough for me to miss out on a lot of things with Morgan? Also… this is just temporary, right?_

“This isn’t like fifteen years ago, Tony. I’m just heading back to New York. You know where to find me.”

He scoffed at that because he couldn’t help but feel as if she was telling him that if there was any consolation to all these, at least he knew there was a baby this time around. But that was not enough, that would never be enough because Tony knew he wanted more. He wanted to be there for Pepper every step of the way this time, he wanted to be a part of Morgan’s life. He failed Andros, he was failing Peter, so there would be just no way that he would let himself fail Morgan as well, not when the baby wasn’t even here yet.

“This is unbelievable. I waited _years_ for this, Pep. Decades, even.” He knew Peter could very much hear everything but he didn’t mind. If anything, it was important that the kid _should_ hear this part. “You, Peter, Morgan, the whole perfect picture and now—”

“The kid needs someone, Tony. He shouldn’t be alone in this.”

_I can’t do this alone either. I need the kids, Pep… I need you._

He took a deep breath before inching closer to Pepper, keeping his voice low so that Peter wouldn’t overhear.

“Pep, if Pete’s not going, would you still leave?”

Tony had to ask, especially when he was banking on the idea that she was only leaving because it was what Peter needed and not because she had had enough and he had really, truly, hurt her this time. He knew he did hurt her, he could see it in her eyes that even if she probably knew that he didn’t mean any of the things he had said earlier that night, a part of her believed some of it, if not all. He wanted to undo the night, take back everything he had said if only he could.

She met his gaze this time and he knew what she was about to say before he even heard her actually say it.

“We can use the time as well, Tony… time and space away from each other to clearly think—”

“But is this what _you_ really want?” he cut in, not wanting to hear the rest of what she was about to say.

“For you, yes.” She held his gaze and in spite of his pleas, he knew she was not going to back down. “Use this time, Tony... to figure out what you really want for yourself, from this life, from me...”

_What I want is for you to stay..._

But one look at her and Tony knew, that was the final nail in his coffin. He was not going to be able to change her mind. Not this time.

He nodded once, tensing his jaw to reign in his frustration while he watched as she got in the car without sparing a single glance in his direction. He pushed her door closed and as soon as the car sped off, he glanced at the Malibu house looming above him and he could feel his heart sinking. After all, this was the house he built for Pepper, the house where he had always imagined that whole perfect picture he was talking about. More than any other place, this house was _theirs_ , and Tony wanted to kick himself because it was the last place he had ever thought he would feel so alone.

But that was the case right now, and there was nothing he could do about it. He was all alone.

\---- --- ----

** Present day, April, Malibu CA: **

Tony glanced at the clock on one of his workshop monitors, squinting and grimacing when he felt the headache as soon as he attempted to get up. It was barely noon but force of habit (at least for the past week) had him automatically reaching for the bottle of scotch he knew was sitting on the floor just beside the couch he had been sleeping on lately. He frowned at the empty bottle for about a minute, but whatever remorse he had felt at the time was quickly forgotten when he found himself standing in his wine cellar and picking a new bottle just a few moments later.

To tell the truth, he wasn’t a fan of the hangover (well, whoever was anyway). It had been years, decades, when he last fell off the wagon after all. Back then, what essentially sobered him up and kept him motivated to remain so was his desire to win full guardianship of Peter when he was still knee-deep in custody battle. He had a goal, a motivation then, and Tony realized he really needed something, someone, to give him a reason to stop drinking right now.

Because he couldn’t stop, he just couldn’t, not when there was nothing but pain and loneliness, and guilt and regret. Not when his days only emphasized how empty the house was and how alone he really was, and not when his dreams at night kept reminding him of the last conversation he had with the love of his life.

He kept replaying it all in his head – the way he chased after her, how he tried so hard to persuade her, begged her, not to get in the waiting limo, not to leave him alone… – every night before he would fall in restless slumber and every single waking moment since.

He had been staying at the Malibu mansion for over a week now, all alone except for the housekeepers who dropped by two to three times a week to tidy up whenever he was not ill-tempered enough to let them in the house. He was irritable and miserable, mainly because he hadn’t heard from Pepper or from Peter ever since they flew back to Manhattan and it wasn’t for lack of trying. He had been calling Peter’s phone but his calls kept getting directed to voicemail. Pepper, on the other hand, had most definitely purposely missed all 64 attempts he had made to call her (yes, he was keeping count). He had thought about leaving her a voicemail, but it just wouldn’t do. He had no idea what to tell her, other than the fact that he was out of line and that he was sorry, but more than anything else he needed to hear her voice. He needed to know that she and the baby were fine.

He took the stairs two at a time, ultimately deciding to spend the rest of the day getting wasted in the living room, anywhere in the house really except for the master bedroom. He had not been there since she left because the room reminded him of her absence, the sheets still smelled like her, and he missed her… so much that it literally hurt.

He collapsed on the couch after taking a swig directly from the bottle, bowing his head in defeat as his shoulders began to shake with the quiet sobs. He took out his phone, hoping against hope that she would pick up this time.

_Attempt number 65… Alright, here goes nothing…_

* * *

** 23 years ago, August St. Regis, Manhattan NY: **

“Come on, baby, pick up the phone,” Tony muttered desperately as he tried to call Pepper for the tenth (eleventh?) time that night.

He had left her in Brooklyn more than three hours ago, but not without telling her everything first – about Rumiko, the business, and his father’s deal with her family. He wanted to be honest with her, even if the thought of opening up to someone else other than his mother scared him immensely.

He had never felt as vulnerable before, but six months into dating Pepper Potts had made Tony the kind of person he never thought he would ever be – sober, reliable, honest, and, above all, capable of love. There was just something about Pepper that made him madly in love and devotedly head over heels. He gave up the parties, the women, the drugs, the alcohol, all of his distractions. It was a bit of a struggle at first but he did it all willingly, because he needed her more than anything else, more than anyone else, which was why her refusal to attend the investors’ party after she found out about the deal with the Fujikawas was more than enough to send Tony on a downward spiral. Again.

Tony hated it, all of it. He hated the disappointment and the confusion in Pepper’s eyes when she learned that he was supposed to be engaged to someone else. He wasn’t exactly thrilled when she told him they ‘shouldn’t be doing this,’ and Tony was quite sure that by ‘this’ she meant the relationship and not the party, at all. But more than anything else, he hated the fact that he was letting his father win, that Pepper was slipping through his fingers all because Howard had to get what he wanted at all costs.

When he left her in Brooklyn, he felt certain that it was just a setback, that they could work something out eventually. They were Tony and Pepper after all, they were so good together that nothing should be able to get between them, not even Howard Stark. But as he made his thirteenth (or fifteenth?, he already lost track) attempt to call her, he began to have doubts. He wasn’t sure anymore if she would still be there for him, with him, tomorrow. He began to worry that the drama surrounding the Stark family was proving to be too much even for her. He was even starting to think that, maybe, Pepper had realized that even she could not tame the notorious Tony Stark in the end.

The thought of losing her, it scared him and he realized it was nothing like he had ever felt before.

And so when she didn’t pick up, Tony was visibly frustrated, predictably slamming his phone on the bar in a fit of anxiety and bitterness. He then ran his fingers through his hair before rubbing his face, forgetting the fact that he was actually sporting quite a black eye until the pain from the newly bruising contusion made him wince. He could feel that it was starting to swell and he didn’t need to look in a mirror to know that the skin around his right eye was turning black and blue already.

God, it hurt a lot, but he took pride with the fact that he was so certain that Justin Hammer looked way worse than him right now.

He took another gulp of his scotch hoping that it would somehow make him feel that the bruising around his eye had numbed. He was so sure he looked like hell but damn it, it was worth it. He couldn’t help it after all, he had been in a foul mood ever since he left Pepper in Brooklyn and then that spoiled Hammer kid had to make a smartass comment about her absence.

_“Where’s that cute girlfriend of yours, Tony? She finally came to her senses and got rid of you? She’s available now? Because I’ve been really dreaming of her… and those legs? Damn, legs for days and that—”_

Suffice to say that Justin Hammer never got to finish that thought in the end.

Granted that the spoiled brat managed to land a few punches on Tony as well, but Hammer senior was just so mortified when they saw Maria Stark’s disapproving glare that he had to kick his own kid from the party. He had to, if he wanted to maintain the partnership between Stark and Hammer Industries that was already hanging on a very precarious balance to begin with.

Tony, for his part, was just glad to at least have Justin on the receiving end of his frustrations from the still very early night, and he was even more glad to be finally left alone at the open bar in peace. His mother glanced at him quite disappointedly but he decided he didn’t want to care, at least not tonight, and that he would simply make it up to her tomorrow morning… or afternoon, depending on how hung-over he would be. His father on the other hand… where the hell was that man?

Tony glanced around, unsure whether he wanted to actually locate Howard or not. It was just out of the ordinary that he had been drinking at the open bar and had gotten in a brawl and yet his father had yet to make a comment about it. That was just unusual, very unusual.

_Where the hell is Howard?_

“The invitation said black tie, not black eye. I looked away for about an hour and you’re sporting one already?”

 _Right on cue_ , Tony thought, turning around to face his father who had suddenly popped up behind him.

He motioned for the bartender for another glass of scotch and pushed it towards his father who took it unceremoniously.

“Well, we can’t always have what we want, can we?” Tony smirked because he oh so loved hating on Howard and throwing it right in his face. Always. “Because I remember wishing for a different father and, well, look who I have here.”

Howard was smart, though, Tony knew that, and so he wasn’t even the least bit surprised that his father had chosen to ignore his comment instead.

“Are you okay?” Howard asked him and Tony had to give his father some credit for sounding like he actually cared. He almost bought it. Almost. “I mean if you’re in some kind of trouble—”

“Only of my own making.”

“Tony, why do you think I do all this? Huh?” The impatience was slowly creeping in Howard’s tone and Tony couldn’t help but grin because his father couldn’t even keep the façade of a concerned parent for at least two minutes. “This party is for you, so you can meet people. You know, become a part of something, make some kind of change.”

Make some kind of change? Didn’t Howard notice that _big_ change that was the absence of the women and the drugs and the alcohol in Tony’s life?

_How will you notice when you’re barely involved in my life to begin with? Barely._

“Huh…” Tony mockingly faked a surprised tone instead. “And here I thought this party’s just another excuse for an open bar and oh, I almost forgot, marrying your son off just so you can close a deal.”

Tony leaned with his elbow on the bar, his chin resting on his palm while he looked at his father with amused sarcasm. He drank the last of his scotch and motioned for the bartender for a top up while Howard looked at him clearly displeased. Tony grinned, he might be halfway drunk but he was still sober enough to enjoy riling his father up.

“Do me a favor, will you?” It was _that_ tone, the very one Howard used when he wanted to keep Tony in line but he didn’t want to earn his mother’s ire either. It was almost fatherly, but Tony had known never to let himself believe that was the case. “Lose the scotch, Tony. It’s barely nine.”

“Since when do you care?” he sneered, wanting to see if his father would take the bait.

“Since always.” It was said almost instantly that Tony would have believed him if he didn’t know any better. “And I don’t think you’d want _her_ to see you like this.”

Tony glanced in the direction his father nodded to and all he could think about was that he shouldn’t have downed all those six (seven?) glasses of scotch had he known that Pepper would be here. High tolerance or not, he still had way too much, and Pepper had never seen him drunk and he wanted to keep it that way. But he wasn’t thinking and his genius brain was clouded, she looked so beautiful in that low back green dress after all, and before he knew it, he made his way to her knowing full well that he probably looked and smelled like hell.

_She will understand, right? She always will._

Tony knew she would understand and believing in that moment that she always would was, he would eventually realize some years later, the very first time that he would abuse her love. He didn’t know it then, but it wouldn’t be the last time either.

* * *

** Present day, Malibu CA: **

“Lose the scotch, Tones. It’s barely noon.”

It was that strong sense of déjà vu that pulled Tony out of his drunken memory of that fateful night of the investors’ party. He looked at Rhodes, who he didn’t recall letting inside the house, and for a minute there he thought he had heard his own father instead. Everything was strangely familiar – the same chiding words, the same girl he kept letting down, and the same drunk asshole that was Anthony Edward Stark, thank you very much.

_Who knew, apparently nothing much has changed after twenty long years…_

“Tones, you wouldn’t want Pepper to see you like this,” Rhodes prodded when he probably realized that Tony didn’t seem to register what he had said earlier.

The airman took the bottle from him, exchanging it with a bottle of water which Rhodes placed on the coffee table in front of him. Tony begrudgingly attempted to sit up on the couch, and barely succeeded by slouching. He tried to focus on Rhodes who was standing in front of him with his arms crossed and wearing a half-pitying, half-annoyed-older-brother look on his face. Still, at the moment, Tony was only about 83% sure that his best friend was truly here.

_Huh… I didn’t let him in. I gave him a passcode to the house before, didn’t I?_

“Tones… You finally with me, buddy?” Rhodes ~~pestered~~ asked him and probably not for the very first time, he really couldn’t be certain. “Remember Pepper? Basically a saint, strawberry-blonde hair, love of your life? You wouldn’t want her to see you like this.”

“That’s the thing, Rhodey. She’s not here. So no worries, I guess.”

Tony chuckled humorlessly and he couldn’t help but think how similar to that investors’ party this day was turning out to be. Only this time, he didn’t have to punch Justin Hammer and Pepper wouldn’t be here to salvage his day. Anyway…

“Why are _you_ here?” he asked Rhodes instead, because how else would Tony Stark handle this situation other than by deflecting. “Who called you?”

_Was it Pepper? Or maybe Peter? Please, tell me it’s at least one of them…_

“It’s actually Happy, he called after you haven’t showed up in Manhattan for more than a week now.” Rhodes gave him one of those piercing glances when he sighed disappointedly and the guy must have taken some pity on him because he added as an afterthought. “Although I know Pepper asked Happy to call me.”

“Did you really _know_ that?”

Tony smirked sadly, grabbing the bottle of water in front of him just so he could hide behind taking a sip from it. He didn’t really need the water to sober him up, apparently the disinterest from his girlfriend (she was still his girlfriend, right?) and his son was more than enough to do just that.

“Tones, what are you doing? You didn’t break up with Pepper, did you?”

“No. Unless she broke up with me… Did she?”

“I don’t know. Why would I know?”

“I don’t know, buddy. You tell me…” Tony muttered sarcastically. “ _You_ always know.”

Tony stood up so abruptly it almost made him dizzy but he barely registered it, his focus was on Rhodes. He didn’t quite understand how or why but he was suddenly furious at his best friend, so furious in fact that he had decided to confront him about everything. In the last months, he had let the (what he knew was unreasonable) pang of jealousy aside because he knew that Rhodes did not _choose_ to know about his long lost son, that his best friend did not really rob him of the chance to be at Pepper’s side when she lost the baby all those years ago. Still, the guy had fifteen years to tell him but he kept mum about everything and even if Tony knew it was what Pepper wanted, he felt angry over it.

“What exactly are you saying?” Rhodes asked humorlessly, clearly picking up Tony's tone.

“You always know what’s going on with Pepper,” Tony sneered as he pointed an accusing finger at his best friend. “You knew about her accident and I didn’t. You knew when she met Killian and you let her run to him. You even knew about Andros, _my_ own baby, and guess what? I didn’t!”

“I didn’t really have a choice on the matter, did I? I knew about the accident because—”

“Because I was an asshole and I didn’t answer my phone, yes! But I called you back, remember? And you pretended that everything was fine in Los Angeles! You lied to me, Rhodes!”

“I told you it’s not my story to tell and when Pepper didn’t tell you, it’s not because I didn’t try to convince her that you deserved to know.” Rhodes was not backing down. “Because I did try, Tones, over and over—”

“Did you really, though?” Tony knew he was being unreasonable but he didn’t really care. He was angry and jealous and he needed someone to blame. “You saw her every year, _every year_ for the last fifteen years. You had the chance, multiple chances, to convince her to tell me but God knows you probably didn’t even really try!”

“Say that again, insist once more that I didn’t even try and I’m really going to kick your ass.”

“You drove her to the airport fifteen years ago and you probably didn’t even convince her to stay! You were so eager to take her away from me!” Tony was just so furious that he clenched his fist, very much aware that he was inching closer and closer to his best friend. “You knew where she was all those years ago and you knew that I wanted to look for her but you didn’t say a thing. You even stopped me from chasing after her two years ago. Was it really because she deserved better? Or because _you_ wanted her for yourself?”

“Low blow, Tones, low blow.” Rhodes raised a hand in warning and somehow it only infuriated Tony more. “You’re crazy to even think that.”

“And you had no right to keep her away from me!”

Tony had hit Rhodes hard on the chin, only realizing what he had done when the latter hit him in the eye in retaliation. His best friend glared at him but after the initial shock had subsided, there was nothing but pity in Rhodes’ eyes. Tony hated that look, he hated it because he was Tony _fucking_ Stark, he didn’t need anyone’s pity.

But apparently, this day was just very much like that investor’s dinner party, with the misery and the jealousy and the black eye and all.

_And I’d pay really good money to have Justin Hammer to punch right now._

“Pepper is just a friend, you _know_ that,” Rhodes told him quietly when he had somehow calmed down. “Now can you stop lashing out on the one person that’s still willing to talk to you? And green’s not a good color on you.”

Tony really had no reason to doubt the man. He was just jealous and angry and looking for someone to blame and even if he knew that he actually owed his best friend a lot, he needed to vent and Rhodes was… convenient. Still, he probably needed to apologize, tell the truth at last, because Tony was really jealous and it wasn’t because he was just being juvenile and shallow. It was so much more than that.

Tony quietly nodded and backed away, eventually heading for the wet bar where he poured two glasses of scotch before sliding one of the tumblers towards his best friend. Rhodes then tossed him one of the ice packs he had retrieved from behind the counter and they stood by the bar, quietly drinking while icing their injuries.

“You were able to hold Andros and I didn’t even get to do that,” Tony muttered after some time, his eyes downcast because he couldn’t bear Rhodes pitying him, that and he couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. “You buried _my_ son, you packed up his nursery, you visited his grave every year, and through it all you’re there for Pepper… and I wasn’t…”

“Tones…”

“I didn’t get to say goodbye to Andros, I never got to tell him that I’m sorry for abandoning him and his mother… I never got to tell him that I love him.”

He gulped the contents of his glass before pouring himself another drink, this time filling the glass generously. He did notice Rhodes’ disapproving look but Tony was just glad that his best friend chose not to comment about his drinking right now.

“I’m sure he knows that,” his best friend offered as consolation.

He really hoped that Andros knew, that the baby had somehow forgiven him because he needed that, too. He sighed tiredly and all he could think about was if he himself could not move on from what happened in LA, then it was highly likely that Pepper had not really forgiven him as well.

He couldn’t blame her, they lost a baby after all.

God, he really hoped she and Morgan were okay right now.

“Pepper and I, we had a fight,” Tony finally admitted. “It’s a big one. I really outdid myself this time.”

“What happened?”

“The kid found out about Andros and that wasn’t the worst part.”

“It’s not?”

“Somehow he understood why we didn’t tell him about his brother but when he found out what I did in Cornwall… Well, he hates me, Rhodey, and guess what I did next.” Tony smiled bitterly, taking a sip of his scotch while Rhodes looked at him sympathetically. “I blamed Pep. I told her Pete and I wouldn’t be fighting if not for all these secrets. I told her she should have never come back, that she doesn’t have any claim over the kid because she’s not really Pete’s mom, and that I regret everything, apparently including Morgan.”

“Morgan?”

“The new baby.” He shook his head, once again regretting everything he had said that night even if there really was no point to it anymore. “You don’t think she believed any of it, right?”

“Well, I don’t see her here…” Rhodes tried to sound considerate and he really should give his best friend some credit given that he had just hit him in the face. “Have you talked to her?”

“She won’t answer my calls, she won’t return my messages. She almost left me in Cornwall but she let me stop her then, she didn’t this time.” Tony sighed tiredly, he could still picture the night they left with perfect clarity. “Pete left and she went with him, saying the kid needs someone. But hey, newsflash, _I_ need her, too.”

“Tones…”

“I got a scolding before she left. Pepper was really furious.”

“Good girl.”

“Rhodey…” He knew he sounded annoyed because he was. So sue him, but he wanted to be petulant about it. “ _I’m_ still your best friend, remember?”

Rhodes simply shrugged and reached out to refill his own glass, clearly not planning to tolerate him. “Peter’s throwing a tantrum and you’re throwing a tantrum. Honestly, what did you expect Pepper to do?”

“Well, for one, she should’ve stayed with me.”

Tony hadn’t realized how immature and selfish he sounded until the words were out of his mouth and Rhodes was looking at him with pure exasperation. Still, he was not going to back down, he was a bit angry at Peter after all, even if he understood where the kid was coming from.

“Peter is fourteen and you’re an adult. You’re the _parent_ ,” Rhodes emphasized and Tony couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “And you’re so surprised that Pepper chose the kid?”

“I get why Pete’s angry, okay?” He motioned for Rhodes to follow him back to the couch where he flopped down unceremoniously. His best friend, meanwhile, took the ottoman in front of him. Rhodes was studying him and Tony pretended not to notice. “But these things, they’re between me and Pepper. The kid has to stop taking sides and punishing me for what happened in Cornwall, I’ve been punishing myself enough for that. The kid’s not helping. Cornwall did not concern him and he’s only making things worse. And at some point, he has to forgive me for that paternity test debacle, as well.”

“Paternity test?”

Tony sighed. In his frustration, he had not realized that Rhodes had no idea about the paternity test that actually started the rift between him and Peter. He shook his head, not wanting to rehash the details. Next time, maybe, but definitely not now.

“Just one of my many, recent screw ups,” Tony said in a dismissing tone, not really wanting to talk about it at all. “But rest assured that it was my fault, too.”

“Tones, Peter likes Pepper, _a lot_ ,” Rhodes told him patiently. “What did you expect the kid’s reaction to be like? The way I see it, you basically introduced him to his new mom, and now he’s probably scared to lose her and his baby sibling just because you can’t figure out how to keep her.”

“But he didn’t have to make Pepper feel as if she had to choose between me and him—”

“Tones, he’s a kid, he’s justified. He’s fourteen, he can go crazy, throw a tantrum, the whole teenage shebang. You can blame it on the hormones and the naïveté. _You_ , on the other hand, are an adult. You’re his dad.” Rhodes eyed him seriously but Tony merely clenched his jaw and pursed his lips petulantly. “And while you’re still listening to me, let me remind you that Pepper loves you, you didn’t have to hurt her like that.”

He knew that and yet there was a reason why he had stayed in Malibu even a week after their fight. He really had hurt Pepper and he was so scared that by the time he arrived in New York, she wouldn’t be there anymore. The Manhattan house couldn’t be empty because it no longer felt like home without her in it.

“Pete heard everything, our fight. He made me promise before never to hurt Pepper again, that I have to make sure that things will work between us this time because he doesn’t want to lose another mom... and he’s so excited about Morgan, you know?.” Tony sighed tiredly, remembering how disappointed Peter was at him. He smiled sadly at Rhodes, “I’m not going to be Dad of the Year, am I?”

“You won’t be Baby Daddy of the Year either, or Boyfriend of the Year if you stay here.” Rhodes looked at him encouragingly. “Go home, Tones.”

“Maybe I should really keep my distance, stay here. Maybe I am home.”

“Not when your pregnant girlfriend and your son are in New York. That’s what I meant with _home_.”

“I’m not leaving Malibu.”

“Fine, you do what you want.” Rhodes threw his hands up resignedly and for a moment there, Tony really thought that his best friend already gave up on him. That wasn’t entirely impossible, when he really considered the situation. “But I don’t want to hear you complaining that Pepper left you again and kept your baby from you. _Again_. You call yourself a genius—”

“I can prove that with the IQ tests which I took more times than I can remember.”

“—and yet you never learn. It’s up to you, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

They sat there in silence, neither of the two wanting to be the first to yield. For Rhodes, it was a matter of principle, but for Tony it was nothing but pride. That and the fact that he wasn’t really sure if someone was still waiting for him in New York. He knew he would lose it if he came home to an empty house, not when there’s so much at stake and not when it wasn’t just Pepper that he stand to lose.

_Morgan… I don’t want to miss out on anything this time…_

Tony eyed Rhodes knowingly and he couldn’t help the smirk that was creeping in his face. “What time is the jet leaving?”

His best friend sighed, “Finally!” in that exasperated tone that Tony had been so familiar with since their days from MIT. “I told them you’ll be ready in two hours.”

“You mean _four_ hours, right? That’s what you said?” he bargained even as Rhodes shook his head before heading to the master bedroom to get started on Tony’s suitcases himself. “What, it’s my plane and all. It kind of defeats the purpose of having your own plane if it departs before you’re even ready.”

“Well, then maybe you should not have wasted precious time being unreasonably jealous and hitting me in the face.”

“Touché,” he muttered, not really knowing how else to respond to that. “You coming with me, buddy? Pete could really use an uncle around right now.”

_I could really use a friend as well… Because what if, what if nobody’s waiting for me?_

“I have things to do at the base,” Rhodes told him firmly but Tony knew, the way that his best friend looked at him only meant that the guy heard whatever it was that Tony didn’t want to, couldn’t, say out loud. “And even if I’d been free, you have to do this yourself, on your own.”

Tony nodded, acknowledging that Rhodes was right. He was not going to contest that, he knew the guy had a point, but still… There’s no harm if he at least tried to maybe convince his best friend, right?

“But, Honeybear—”

“Don’t…” Rhodes warned and Tony couldn’t help but smirk. He felt a bit better, the lightest he had felt in days even. “Don’t _Honeybear_ me. It’s not gonna work this time.”

* * *

** Eight months ago, August, Los Angeles CA: **

Pepper stepped into her apartment that cold crisp August night, visibly tired from a very long day of meetings and conference calls and negotiations. Any other day, she would have drawn the line at nine in the evening, but she was happy to put in the few extra hours if it meant fewer loose ends and a smoother transition in the coming weeks. She was, after all, moving back to New York in less than a couple of months.

Two months. In two months she would be Stark Industries’ new CEO and as the date began to approach, she had been expecting a call, or at least an email, from Tony any time soon but there was nothing. She honestly didn’t know whether to be disappointed or relieved, it would at least be helpful to have an idea on what Tony thought about her accepting the position. It was just impossible that he didn’t know, and right now, Pepper believed that he wasn’t the biggest fan of her being his successor, at least if the documents and contracts he endorsed to her through his assistant were any indication.

Tony could have at least done the mature thing and met her to discuss SI’s direction before the leadership changed, but he didn’t. Instead, he sent his assistant to discuss everything and answer anything that Pepper might need clarified. If that was not an indication that Tony didn’t want to see her, she honestly had no idea how else he could get the message across.

And so Tony’s reception might be lukewarm at best but Pepper was willing to look past that. She was just glad to move back to New York, leave LA behind, and start a new life with Aldrich. It was not exactly where she thought she would be had someone asked her about her plans a few years ago (to be even more honest, Aldrich was not exactly who she imagined she would be with in the long run), but it was a good enough plan. Considering where and how she was not more than fifteen years ago, this, whatever she had with Aldrich, was more than good enough.

In spite of the imminent return to New York and the prospect of seeing Tony again and working with him again, Pepper felt okay… comfortable even. Sure it was Tony, and maybe there would always be both butterflies and heartache whenever he would be around but she simply had to live with that fact. She loved him, a lot, more than life itself, but she needed someone reliable. And Aldrich, right now, was reliable.

There were days, a lot of them in fact, when she would second guess her decision to let Aldrich in her life. He was, after all, not without flaws. He was a ladies man, models frequently flocked to him during various gatherings but since they had not really gone public, she could not complain, publicly at least. To his credit, he never failed to reassure her that nothing ever happened with the models and she believed him because he had not really given her any reason not to. As far as she knew, Aldrich had been faithful and that was enough for her. It was, apparently, not enough for Aldrich. He wanted more, so much more from her.

He had been asking her to go public but she had declined for now, citing that she had a past relationship (they both knew she was talking about Tony anyway) that ended really badly and while the publicity which surrounded it was not the sole factor, she knew it had an effect as well. Everything with Tony had been highly publicized, he was after all the heir to an empire. And so this time around, she tried to avoid being chased down by reporters and paparazzi whenever she was with Aldrich and while it worked for a while, by now Aldrich wanted more and she didn’t know for how long she would be able to hold him off.

She knew how things would progress, she had mapped it out in her head after all. He would first plead to her that they go public, which would eventually be followed by a ring, a wedding, and a family. Pepper _could_ go public, she could even maybe entertain getting married… but a family? Aldrich seemed to be good to her, good _for_ her, but after her accident she couldn’t see herself having any future kids, let alone having any future kids with someone else. And the worst part of it all was that Aldrich had been begging her for a baby, not necessarily right now, but at least in the foreseeable future. A baby was definitely part of _his_ plans… but not hers, hence she had been _really_ careful.

How would she ever be able to evade that discussion for long?

The thought preoccupied her for a good long while that she had not noticed Aldrich sitting quietly by the kitchen counter until she had distractedly poured herself a cup of coffee.

“Aldrich!” she gasped, almost spilling her cup. “I thought your flight’s not coming in until tomorrow?”

He simply sat there quietly and when he didn’t meet her gaze, Pepper noticed the SI portfolio that was in front of him. A look of understanding crossed her features and she knew right there and then what he was really brooding about.

“Aldrich…” she prodded, trying her very best to sound patient… neutral.

“You took the job at his company.”

“I did. I think it’s time, it’s the next step for my career.”

“I agree.”

She smiled a bit at that, although something was still not adding up. Still, she had known him for about two years already that she could read him so well by now.

“But?” she asked tentatively.

“Nothing.”

“So you’re okay with it?” She stood beside him, crossing her arms in front of her and waiting for him to tear his gaze away from the business portfolio. “You know that I’m not asking your permission, but I at least want to know that you’re okay with it.”

“I’m not okay with it.”

“Okay, but I’m really going to do this. And once I move back to New York, you wouldn’t have to fly back to LA just to see me. It’ll be easier for us,” she reasoned even if she knew that he really wouldn’t stop her anyway. Still, Pepper felt that she needed to address the elephant in the room. “And if Tony’s still the same guy he used to be, it-it’s not like I’d be closely working with him and—”

“You know what? Before you go through a whole list of excuses, let me just ask.” Aldrich had stood up to face her and what was really striking for her was that he didn’t seem angry. He just looked unsure. “Is our relationship for you basically just marking time?”

Pepper wasn’t exactly surprised that he asked. Had she been truly honest after all, she knew that Aldrich could probably sense that she still had reservations (quite a lot of those, actually). She knew that whatever this relationship was, even if it had made her _want_ to feel something once more, she still wasn’t all in. She wanted to, but apparently fifteen years and one lost baby after and she still wasn’t ready to give her heart out just like that.

But Pepper had always been pragmatic, and her sensible side kept reminding her that Aldrich was actually the choice that made sense. At least right now.

“Of course not, Aldrich.”

He looked at her kindly, and neither was there anger nor reproach in his eyes. He continued to speak to her softly and in a low voice, and somehow a part of Pepper wanted him to scream or to get furious or to start being unreasonable. She knew it would be easier had he been unkind.

“Pepper, do you still have feelings for the guy?”

It was asked so hesitantly that the thought that she would have preferred it had Aldrich displayed a bad temper only made her feel cruel. A small voice in her head told her that it was because she was merely looking for a way out but just when she was expecting him to be rash, he was instead being decent.

_Perfect, even…_

“Aldrich, it’s been almost fifteen years. He has a kid, he married someone else.”

“But he’s divorced, and the same ex-wife’s been dead for years.”

“It doesn’t change anything.”

“Are you sure?”

She swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat because even if she knew she was supposed to be reassuring Aldrich, that small voice kept telling her to just break his heart right there and then. Still, Pepper was nothing if not a mind-over-matter kind of girl.

“I am sure, Aldrich.”

He finally reached out to gently grip her arms and she let him, because he needed the reassurance and she needed the reminder that what she had going here was good, was right.

“Pepper, that guy doesn’t deserve you, he never did and he never will… Don’t ever forget that he took you for granted.”

He coaxed her to meet his gaze and when she finally did, she did feel some sense of melancholy when blue eyes instead of brown ones gazed back at her. She knew Aldrich was right and she could also see that somehow, Aldrich was worried that he was losing her even before she could move back to New York.

She bit her lip, not really trusting herself to make any promises… at all.

“You’ll see me more often once I’m in New York,” was what she offered to reassure him with instead.

She walked out of the kitchen and into the living room just because she needed to get away for a minute. The kitchen just felt too crowded and Aldrich… being around him just felt _too much._

“Pepper, it’s just that you’ll be talking to him, you’ll be seeing him.”

Clearly, he wasn’t done and neither was he reassured. He followed at her heels and Pepper spun around to face him trying her very best to be patient and understanding.

“This is crazy, Aldrich.”

“I’m just…” He sighed, not really knowing what else to say.

“It’s going to be strictly business.”

“You’re done with him?”

That question came out of nowhere but Pepper felt as if they were going in circles. Partly, she knew it was her fault. She had been avoiding and deflecting and trying to beat around the bush after all.

“This is ridiculous,” she muttered, closing her eyes while she shook her head before facing him once more. “This is, hey, this is a ridiculous conversation, okay? I have a history with him, yes. We’re going to be working together, probably yes. But I am _with you_ , Aldrich.”

He looked at her desperately and she was almost certain that she had never seen him so vulnerable and threatened and unsure.

“Then just tell me that you’re not in love with him anymore.”

“It’s been fifteen years, Aldrich—”

“I should’ve known…” He shook his head then sighed, running his fingers to slick back his hair while he turned his back on her clearly frustrated. “I mean-I mean, all the signs were there.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well, the fact that every year you still meet with his best friend, and even if we have been dating for almost two years now, you never introduced us.”

“Aldrich…”

“Or the fact that you never wanted to discuss the future, _our_ future, even if you know that I love you, Pepper, and that maybe I’m ready to get married.” He turned to look at her and there was nothing in his eyes other than desperation. “Or the fact that no matter what I do or how I beg or what I prove, you still don’t want to have a baby with me. I mean, it’s all because of him, right?”

“No…” she was shaking her head, wanting to refute everything that he had just told her. “How can I— It’s over, okay? What I had with him, it’s long over, Aldrich.”

“Then tell me you’re not in love with him anymore.”

She couldn’t meet his gaze, but she did try to convince him, to convince herself. “I could’ve taken this job two years ago, when I first got the offer, but I met you so I didn’t. But I thought that after years of being together, this won’t be an issue anymore so I accepted—”

“You know what? I’m sorry.” He reached out and she let him pull her closer, let him wrap his arms around her. “I just can’t handle this.”

“Handle what?”

“This. You and him.”

“There’s no such thing, there’s no me _and_ him.”

“I can’t handle being your second choice,” he murmured into her hair. “I thought I could but I can’t, alright? I can’t be your rebound.”

She bit her lip and Pepper had never felt as cruel as she did then.

“You’re not… But I’m still taking the job, Aldrich.”

“I know and I’m not going to stop you. I just want to make my feelings clear.”

Pepper sighed. It felt like being caught between a rock and a hard place, and if she were being honest, she did _want_ to want Aldrich. But things weren’t that simple.

No, it was not the thought of Tony that was stopping her, she wasn’t hoping that they would be together in the future anymore, because maybe that door had been closed forever after all. It was just that trusting, giving your heart fully and completely to somebody else was hard, and after everything that she had been through and everything that she had lost, Pepper couldn’t just gamble like that. She may be cautious, perhaps _too_ cautious, but she couldn’t afford to go through any of it again.

Because maybe, it would be very difficult to recover after something similar to that… it would be nearly impossible to come out of it intact.

So she hid her heart and guarded it with everything she got.

He hugged her closer to him, kissed her temple just as he whispered, “I don’t want to lose you.”

“I know.”

He held her for a while as if he was trying to remind himself that she was here with him, that she _chose_ him, and that it would be enough for now.

“Why don’t I take you out to dinner? Let’s celebrate your appointment?” he asked her and Pepper smiled, she had to give him credit for that.

“Let me just change.” She gently untangled from his embrace and as she looked at him, she really hoped that she wasn’t being unfair. “Ten minutes.”

“Take your time, love.”

He leaned forward to kiss her, but she offered her cheek instead. Pepper then rushed upstairs before she could even see the frown that crossed his features. She didn’t see him take out his phone nor did she hear the call that Aldrich had made shortly after.

“Eric, can you call my PI? ... Yeah, I need him to look up Virginia Potts.” He eyed the top of the stairs from where she had disappeared to, clenching his jaw while he convinced himself that he was doing this for her, for them. “Everything about her specifically fifteen, twenty years ago. … Yes. … Tell him to look up her relationship with Tony Stark as well.”

* * *

** Present day, Stark Industries, NY: **

“Are those from Dad?”

Pepper looked up from the card she was reading, leaving it beside the bouquet of calla lilies that came with it, before heading back to her desk where Peter was finishing up his late lunch. The boy was looking at her curiously, he knew his father never sent her anything other than pink peonies after all.

“They’re from Aldrich,” she said tentatively, trying to gauge Peter’s reaction. The boy narrowed his eyes a bit before picking up his fries but he tactfully refrained from commenting, making Pepper feel the need to clarify. “He’s apologizing… for a lot of things.”

“Are you going to call him?”

“I don’t think that I should.”

“But do you want to?”

It was asked so nonchalantly that had Pepper not known any better, she would’ve thought that Peter was asking merely out of curiosity. But she knew the kid, and no matter how hard Peter tried to insist that he was by no means exactly like his father, well, he was. Tony, for the life of him, never managed to be subtle when he was jealous and it seemed like that trait had somehow rubbed off on his son as well.

“No, Peter, I don’t want to,” she assured him, ruffling the boy’s hair with one hand while the other one rested against her stomach.

She was a little bit past twelve weeks and while for any other normal pregnancy the morning sickness should have subsided by now, that wasn’t the case with Pepper. She had struggled from hyperemesis when she had Andros and right now, it was starting to look like she would be going through the same thing for about eight more weeks at least.

She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply as she tried to keep the nausea at bay.

“Are you okay?” Peter asked worriedly because nothing escaped that kid’s notice. “You’ve been like this for a week now, since we got back.”

“I’ve been like this for almost two months now,” she told him as she uncapped a bottle of water that had been sitting on her desk. “This is way more bearable already, believe me. It was worse when I was pregnant with your brother.”

A shadow seemed to have crossed Peter’s eyes and Pepper bit her lip, instantly regretting what she had just said. She didn’t mean to remind him of what happened, it just sort of came out.

“Peter, I’m sorry—”

“It’s okay. We should be able to talk about everything, about him… He’s my brother after all.” He seemed to have bounced back as he smiled at her, wide-eyed and charming and looking very much like Tony that it almost broke her heart. “Anyway, so where was I? Ah, I was telling you about MJ. So we were having coffee and then there’s this…”

Pepper nodded quietly, somehow just glad that Peter did not take offense at the mention of his brother, all things considered. It had been a week since Malibu and the kid seemed to be in better spirits, although she was fairly certain that he still had not answered any of his father’s calls. She, herself, had not talked to Tony either but she hoped that the boys would soon call a truce. They weren’t supposed to be fighting anyway, everything that happened in the past, those were all between her and Tony. But as much as she didn’t want to involve Peter in their problems, the kid already was and she was certain he was just feeling lost as well, much like his father.

She gazed at the kid while she listened, mesmerized, and she couldn’t help the sad smile. The boy was animatedly telling her about his day at school and not a single day, not a single moment passed by that Peter didn’t remind her of Tony. This kid really was Tony’s mini-me and as quickly as the thought came to her, somehow it also made her wonder, what if?

What if it had been Andros who was right in front of her telling her about his day at school?

What if it had been Andros who was gushing about his first crush, his first date, his first love?

Would he have had Tony’s eyes as well? His hair? His mannerisms?

She would never be able to hold Andros in her arms again, but Peter and this new baby…

She clutched her stomach, not wanting to entertain thoughts that this separation could last for a long while. She couldn’t afford that and neither could Tony, not when this new baby was supposed to be their second chance. And yet…

“… and then I don’t know what Ned was thinking but he just randomly asked Betty if she wanted to play Beast Slayers with him and she surprised us all by saying yes,” Peter chuckled, not noticing that she was only half-listening. “And just like that, MJ and I are supposed to go on a double date with them.”

… And yet Tony had the audacity to tell her that she really had no claim over the boy, that Peter really wasn’t her own, and that this new baby was probably a mistake…

She reminded herself that she knew Tony well enough, and because she knew him well enough, she should know that he probably didn’t really mean the things he had said back in Malibu. Still, there was something so definitive from that night, from the coldness in Tony’s voice to the casual cruelty of his words.

_“Pep, you should have never come back…”_

She was the one who wasn’t planning on having any more kids and yet here she was, her heart being bruised and trampled each day because Tony had decided that maybe he didn’t want this baby after all.

She sure wasn’t ready to talk to him, everything still hurt after all. But even if a part of her was angry at what he had said, God, she still missed him. She wanted to believe it was simply the hormones talking but she knew deep down that this whole break was just becoming more and more unbearable, day after day after day.

“Pepper?” Peter asked distracting her from her unhappy thoughts, brown eyes wide with worry. “You okay? I lost you, didn’t I?”

“I’m fine, I’m just…” She trailed off, unsure if she should broach the subject at all. She wiped the corner of her eye with the back of her hand before deciding to ask Peter anyway. “Have you talked to your dad?”

Peter clenched his jaw while he reached out to retrieve a pen from her desk. He twirled it in his hand, effectively giving him an excuse to avoid looking back at her while he quietly murmured, “Nope. Don’t want to, not gonna. Have _you_ talked to Dad?”

“Not yet, but he does call…” Somehow, Pepper felt the need to let Peter know that Tony was making an effort, that the lack of communication between the two of them was her choice. “It’s just that the MIT engagement is fast approaching and—”

“What engagement? MIT?”

“Your dad is being honored as alumnus of the year and—”

“And you think that we should be there,” Peter finished for her, not sounding surprised at all. “You go, it’s okay. But I think I’ll pass.”

“Peter…”

“What? I can’t just pretend that I’m proud of him.” He petulantly tossed the pen back to her desk before crossing his arms defiantly in front of him. “I can’t, not after knowing what he did in Cornwall.”

“But I already forgave him for that.”

“I haven’t.” Peter, apparently, had decided that he would be very stubborn about it. “I haven’t forgiven him, and not just for Cornwall but for the many other things as well. So no, I’m not going to MIT to smile and applaud and put on a show of how proud I am of Dad. Because I am not.”

Pepper sighed deeply, realizing in that instant how very wrong she was for thinking that the cycle of crazy ended with Howard and Tony because it clearly didn’t, and neither did it skip a generation. She knew that Peter, deep down, was proud of his father. Tony was the boy’s hero after all, but in true Stark fashion, Peter wouldn’t be his father’s son either if he would not be giving Tony a hard time before eventually giving in.

“I’m still going. Your dad will announce the September Foundation Grant as well and as head of the foundation, I have to be there,” Pepper tried to reason with him and she did catch Peter’s hesitant sidelong glance. “But I’ll also be there because… because it’s him.”

The kid simply shook his head, not really saying anything. Pepper took his silence as her cue to continue.

“I’m sure it will make Tony’s day if you’re there, too.” She smiled a bit because Peter’s furrowed brows and rebelliously crossed arms just further emphasized that he really was a mini-Tony, through and through. “Not to mention that it will make me _really_ happy if you go with me.”

He narrowed his eyes at her and tried his best annoyed face on but Pepper simply smiled at him expectantly.

“That’s cheating, you know?” Peter muttered resignedly, even as he was obviously trying really hard not to give in to her so easily. “You’re using the my-mom-is-pregnant-so-she-should-be-happy card.”

She wasn’t sure if Peter had realized what he had just said but Pepper was quite certain that she had heard him right. She studied Peter closely, the boy was still avoiding her gaze and pursing his lips gruffly, definitely throwing a tantrum that would put five year-old kids to shame but adorable all the same.

“I didn’t know that I actually have that card to pull,” Pepper teased him amusedly and the kid blushed, clearly embarrassed as soon as he realized what he had just said.

“I only meant— I mean…” Peter stuttered still avoiding her gaze. In the end, he simply sighed resignedly. “You know what I mean.”

“I do,” she assured him, reaching out to lightly touch his face. “Thank you, Peter, it means a lot.”

“Pep? Pepper!”

Peter barely had a chance to respond before the office door abruptly swung open, revealing a somewhat harried Mrs. Arbogast practically running after a very determined Tony Stark. He had been shouting Pepper’s name before he even made it inside her office and the unannounced visit had obviously caught both Pepper and Peter off-guard.

Pepper frowned at the sight of Tony, clearly not wanting what she was seeing. He looked miserable, his hair was tousled, his beard was unkempt, and the dark circles around his eyes indicated how very little sleep he had actually been getting recently, if he ever slept at all. That and the black eye of course.

_What happened, Tony?_

“It’s okay, Bambi. Can you please tell my three o-clock that I might be a bit late?” Pepper asked as she walked around the desk to approach Tony. She stood in front of him, still keeping a reasonable distance, while she crossed her arms and eyed him guardedly. “I just need to talk to Mr. Stark for a couple of minutes.”

“A _couple_ of minutes?” Tony protested, taking a step towards her even as she instinctively took a step back. “Pep, cancel your meeting. We need to—”

“Bambi?” Pepper cut in, not taking her steely eyes away from Tony. “Tell them I’ll only be a couple of minutes?”

“Of course, Ms. Potts.”

Bambi left the room and as soon as the door was shut, Pepper had not felt more trapped than she ever did at the moment, never mind the fact that Peter was just right behind her quietly observing what was going on.

Part of her wanted to run to Tony, to hold him, and to make sure he was alright… but a part of her also felt that familiar feeling of having her heart put through a wringer, his words echoing in her head clearer than they did more than a week ago.

_“You should have never come back…”_

She took a deep breath, warring with herself against reaching out to him when that was all she could ever think of doing, but at the same time, knowing that if she let him off the hook just as easily, it was only a matter of time before he broke her all over again… And she couldn’t afford that, not again, not this time.

“Pep, I’m so sorry...” Tony broke the impasse, cutting straight to the point. “I miss you, and I need you, and I love you. I need you back and—”

“Why are you even here?”

She could very well see his patience wearing thin but he merely shook his head, clearly trying to reign in the anger that was slowly resurfacing. He took a step towards her and attempted to pull her into his arms but she took another step back, not realizing that she had placed both her hands, one on top of the other, against her stomach.

“Pep…” he somehow warned, his eyes quickly falling to where her hands rested before meeting her gaze again. “Don’t make this any harder.”

“Tony, you can’t just barge in here like this.”

“This is my _fucking_ company, of course I can!” He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself once more, pleading this time. “Pep, you won’t return my calls. You gave me no choice.”

“I have a lot of work to do right now. We’ll talk later—”

“We’re talking _now._ I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”

Pepper sighed deeply and threw a quick sidelong glance at Peter before dragging Tony to the far end of her office in an attempt to get the kid out of earshot. She kept her distance, not out of fear but mainly to keep a clear head because she knew that when it came to Tony, a single touch, a single kiss, could make her resolve crumble.

“There couldn’t be a worse time or place to have this conversation,” she gently chided him which in hindsight was probably not a good idea given that Tony’s temper was obviously being tested.

“Really? Because it seems to be the only time to have this conversation.”

“Go home, Tony. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Go home where?!” Tony was looking at her sternly, looking all hurt and betrayed and miserable. “You haven’t been staying in _our_ home since you came back from Malibu, have you? I flew back wanting to see you, hoping to see you, and did you know what I came home to? I came home to an empty house, without you, without my son, and the only thing waiting for me there was that fucking dossier that’s still sitting, unmoved, untouched, on our coffee table!”

“Tony…”

“Did you really want that for me?” he desperately asked her and Pepper tried, she tried really hard to keep the tears at bay. “I was hoping to see you, and when I came home I realized you haven’t been there for more than a week. It’s _our_ home, Pep. Ours. You never bothered to tell me, you wanted me to find out this way?”

Why couldn’t he understand? She was keeping her distance not because she wanted to, but because she had to…

“I promise to call you tomorrow,” she whispered, careful not to meet his gaze because she knew that the moment she saw those pleading brown eyes, she would probably give in. “I promise.”

“Sure, I believe that.”

“Tony, you don’t have any reason to doubt my word.”

“Seventy-five, Pep! Seventy-five unreturned phone calls isn’t reason enough?”

Pepper merely shook her head, choosing to focus instead on the floor because she knew that the desperation on Tony’s face would be her undoing. She loved him, she missed him, but he had really hurt her this time around and she needed time… she just needed to breathe.

“Why won’t you call me back?” he went on when she didn’t answer. “You shutting me out like this is wrong. We need to talk and you don’t get to dictate this, Pep. After all we’ve been through especially during these last few months, shutting me out is just wrong. And you know what hits me the hardest, Pep? You keeping Peter from me.”

She looked at him squarely because she was tired, she was just so tired of taking the blame. “I’m not keeping Peter from you,” she told him sternly, firmly.

“Really, then why hasn’t he called me back, huh?” He sounded angry and frustrated and Pepper couldn’t really fault him for missing the kid but he didn’t need to blame her either. “Before you were even in our lives, my son has always called me back until now!”

“Tony, you are being ridiculous—”

“I didn’t call you because _I_ didn’t want to! Me! Pepper had nothing to do with it.” Peter interrupted, standing beside Pepper as he looked his father in the eye. “You promised me, Dad. You promised me that _this_ , you and Pepper, you promised me that this is going to work… that you won’t hurt her again. You promised me!”

The sight of Peter being so teary and desperate broke Pepper’s heart but it obviously hit Tony more. It clearly sobered him up, all his anger and frustrations over the past week was clearly washed away by the sight of his kid, his darling boy, who was getting caught in the middle of their bickering. It was as if something had flipped a switch in Tony, and Pepper could see that he had softened up.

Tony Stark was starting to stand down.

“Kid…” Tony gently began. “Please understand.”

“No, Dad, _I_ always understand, and I don’t want to understand for a change!” Peter glanced at his father one last time before turning to Pepper, not bothering at all that his dad could hear every word he was saying. “Pepper, I’ll be in R&D. Call me when he’s gone.”

Peter left the room without looking back, leaving Tony and Pepper in uncomfortable silence.

To tell the truth, the kid’s outburst didn’t really surprise Pepper that much, it was for this very reason after all why she knew she couldn’t just let the boy alone. Still, it clenched her heart to see him like this, caught between this bizarre tug-of-war between her and Tony, a tug-of-war that shouldn’t even exist to begin with.

What caught her off-guard instead was that promise that Peter kept repeating. She knew that the kid was invested in this relationship, but she had not realized it went as deep as this. She didn’t know that he had made his father promise things, and predictably so, when things went awry, the kid was getting hurt as well.

Pepper then realized, that ‘mom’ thing earlier was more than just a slip of the tongue. It was so much more than that.

“I didn’t realize that you and Peter talk about us…” she murmured softly, hoping that Tony would recognize it for the truce that she was actually offering.

“We tell each other everything,” Tony muttered, his eyes still on the door that Peter had left open. “At least we used to, until I didn’t tell him about his brother… and Cornwall.”

“I didn’t know that he made you promise—”

“Yeah, he did,” he cut in clearly not wanting to talk about it. “I’m going to talk to him.”

Tony made his way to leave but Pepper stopped him midway, putting herself between him and the door just so she could try to reason with him, knock some sense in him.

“No, Tony, you’re not. He doesn’t want to talk to you right now. Respect that. Give him his space.”

“Pep, this is insane. This isn’t right. He needs his father. You should know that!”

“I _know_ that, I’ve been telling him that he needs his dad.” Pepper was flustered, how did it even happen that Tony was blaming her again? “But Peter feels so disappointed and confused and hurt, Tony. I can’t just change that in three minutes!”

“Do you think I like this situation, huh, Pep? After what you and I had going, we’re finally in a good place, finally, and then—”

“Tony do you even remember why we’re here right now? The things that you said?” She could feel the tears coming, the frustration at how he had reacted a week ago and how he was reacting until now was taking its toll on her. “Why I left— why we left Malibu without you?”

_You promised me, Tony… You promised me that this time, it will be different…_

He looked at her and she could actually pinpoint the very moment when his demeanor changed, when his stance visibly relaxed, when his brown eyes softened, when he looked at her longingly…

“Pep…” he muttered softly and she wanted to just give in, but she knew that she shouldn’t, not if she wanted them to actually work in the long run. “You know that I didn’t mean any of that.”

She clutched her stomach, closing her eyes as she took a deep breath but instantly regretting it as well, because then the tears started falling and she didn’t want to crumble in front of Tony.

“Tony, just— What do you want from me?”

“Pep, I don’t want to miss out on anything this time, not with Morgan. Please come home. I need you, I need the kids. I don’t like how things are.”

“But that’s how they are.”

“I didn’t want things to turn out this way.”

“Tony, we are where we are, at least for now. Accept it. Now, please just leave. I have a meeting and—”

“I don’t want to.”

He sounded desperate but Pepper knew that she shouldn’t yield, because if she did then nothing would change. He would never figure out what he wanted from her, from this life. If she let him persuade her that they move on just like that, it would not be entirely impossible if one day he would break her again and they would never recover from there. She couldn’t risk that, not when it wasn’t just her and Tony anymore, not when there were kids that they needed to factor in the equation.

She met his gaze and as much as she wanted to fall into his arms, she stood her ground. She had to, for all their sakes…

“Tony, don’t you understand that I want you to go because I can’t talk to you just yet because it hurts? After everything that you told me in Malibu, talking to you really hurts.” She knew she sounded tired because she really was.

“Pep…”

“Give it time,” she told him softly, hoping to console him in the process as well. “Give Peter some time.”

“And you? Do you need more time away from me as well?” he pleaded more than asked, and Pepper thought that Tony probably had no idea how much this was breaking her heart as well. “Because I miss you, Pep.”

_And I miss you, too…_

This was it, either she gave in or she stood her ground. She missed him, she truly did, but she figured it would be best if she simply told him the truth. Because she couldn’t stay with him and pretend that everything was alright, she couldn’t let him kiss her and act as if nothing happened… She needed time, _they_ needed more time.

“I’ll have Bambi call you to let you know when my next doctor’s appointment will be.”

Tony’s answering scoff spoke volumes. He was clearly frustrated and Pepper couldn’t help but feel that they were just going in circles, because to tell the truth they really were.

“Pep, I deserve so much more than doctor’s appointments. I want you to come home.” He paused, clenching his jaw when a thought occurred to him and she could literally see his anger resurfacing at that very moment. He eyed her critically when she offered him nothing but silence. “What, you won’t come home with me because you want to teach me a lesson?”

“Tony, I’m not—”

“Because you know I’ve learned that lesson with Andros, the hard way! And I’m not going to miss out on anything again,” he told her, almost warned her. “Not with Morgan, not this time.”

“Tony, it’s not— it’s not just about _being there_. It’s not enough that you’re just there.”

“But you won’t even let me be there! So what do you want from me? Huh, Pep?!”

“I need you to grow up!”

She couldn’t help it, but the words were out of her lips and the anger had already left her as swiftly as it had poured out. She was crying now, freely, openly, and she felt so alone even if Tony was in the very same room with her.

“Pep…”

He took a step towards her in an attempt to pull her into his arms, but she raised her hands in front of her and shook her head no. She wanted to stop the tears because damn it, she was tough and Pepper Potts could definitely hold her own against Tony Stark. But she was tired of it all… so, so tired.

She clutched her stomach with both her hands because right now, this baby was the only thing that provided her comfort. She didn’t want to fight anymore, she wanted them, their family, together. But she needed reassurance as well that Tony really wouldn’t just drop the ball this time around, that she could rely on him, that he really was in this for the long haul, against all odds.

Because while Pepper Potts could definitely do this on her own, she didn’t want to deprive this baby the chance to have the father that Andros never really had.

She met his gaze and if there was any consolation to the afternoon, it was finally seeing that soft, gentle look in his eyes… the one that had always made her feel safe, the one that assured her that he would always protect her from the rest of the world and when it came to it, even from himself.

“I’ve forgiven you, Tony, for everything. That’s my disease, I keep wanting to forgive you,” she murmured softly in between sobs. “But you have to stop blaming me as well, for what happened in LA, for your fight with Peter… You have to stop punishing me for keeping Andros from you and for your missing out on being his father. I know that you haven’t really forgiven me but just how long do you plan to hold it over my head?”

“Pep, I’m not— LA wasn’t your fault. I’m not punishing you, I never did.”

“But you are… and maybe you’re not realizing it, but you are.” She further burst into tears because she realized right there and then that there was so much truth to those words. “I’m sorry that I kept Andros from you and if I could just undo everything, I would never move to LA because then we would not have lost the baby… and you wouldn’t be punishing me for it and—”

“Pep, I’m not…”

“I’m not keeping Peter away from you, and I don’t intend to take this baby away from you either. But I can’t have this fight over and over again, Tony. I just can’t.”

He helplessly watched as she grabbed her purse and left her office in a hurry, without a single glance and without hesitation.

Tony was stunned. Did he just lose her? For real, this time?

He ran his fingers through his hair as he tried to remember the very reason why he came to her office in the first place. He didn’t intend to be confrontational; he missed her, he missed the kid, and he just wanted them to come home. Honestly, he thought he could persuade them, maybe not easily, but he really thought that he could. He knew that he did cross the line back in Malibu but he hadn’t really realized how badly he had screwed up until now.

He could actually lose them both this time, and the thought completely sobered him up.

He glanced around in her office and he saw the rows and rows of peonies that he had never really stopped sending her every day since they came back from Connecticut. Pepper had told him to cancel his standing order with the florist but he had insisted that they continued arriving. It was, after all, his own way of telling her that he really regretted what he had done and a personal reminder for him never to hurt her like that again.

He shook his head, clearly he had never learned. What were Pepper’s words again?

_“I need you to grow up.”_

And as if the events from the afternoon weren’t enough, he was just about to leave her office when his eyes fell on the bouquet of calla lilies sitting on the coffee table on the other side of the room. He sighed irritably, already knowing who sent the flowers before he could even start reading the card that came with it.

> _Please tell Peter it was nice meeting him last week. He seems like a good kid, really smart as well. And as early as now I could already tell, that kid’s lucky to have you._
> 
> _Pepper, I’m sorry about what happened, how I reacted the last time I saw you, when you told me you’re pregnant. I was out of my mind, I never intended to hurt you, and I promise you it will never happen again._
> 
> _This is long overdue as well but I’m really sorry for having the file put together. I did it when you accepted the position at SI, not because I didn’t trust you – you know that I did, I still do – but because I convinced myself that I was doing it to protect you. I guess now I realize, it was also because I was a jealous guy then. In fact I think I still am actually, but that’s beside the point._
> 
> _Anyway, I hope you consider my apology, and I hope you and the baby are doing well. I’m here for you if you need anything. Just call, and know that I’ll drop everything to be there._
> 
> — _Aldrich_

Tony crumpled the card in his hands and he tried really hard not to punch the wall immediately within his reach. Pepper’s pregnant, with _his_ child for crying out loud, and that bastard still wouldn’t stay away. He really wasn’t okay with the fact that Pepper decided to tell Killian about the baby and to tell the truth, he still wasn’t happy that he had agreed to what she wanted. Pepper reasoned that telling Killian was preemptive, but Tony still believed that it was just problematic and it would all come back to bite them later on, one way or another.

He threw the card in the nearest garbage bin and dumped the flowers there as well before making his way out of Pepper’s office. He stopped by Bambi’s desk when he noticed her assistant anxiously pushing an invitation on the table in his direction. He picked it up and Tony realized that he had actually forgotten the event that it was for.

The invitation was from MIT, where he would be honored as alumnus of the year. He remembered discussing this with Pepper more than a month ago; he was going to present the grant to the school and they had even talked about bringing Peter as well. They thought it would be a good experience for the kid, seeing as Peter intended to attend the same college that Tony did.

“Is Pepper still coming to this?” he asked Mrs. Arbogast who had been looking at him quite nervously.

“She hasn’t cancelled, Mr. Stark.”

“Did she mention if she’s bringing Peter?”

He could hope, right?

“She did tell Mr. Hogan to collect Peter from Midtown first before she leaves for MIT.”

Tony nodded quietly and he could see her poor assistant visibly relaxing when he turned to leave, but then he suddenly remembered something. He paused and had he been in a better mood, he would have laughed at the very comical way by which Bambi visibly went from relieved to restless in a split-second just because he was not leaving… just yet.

“Bambi, I thought I was clear that under no circumstances are you to let Pepper receive any flowers, anything, from Killian?”

“I do remember that, Mr. Stark.”

Tony narrowed his eyes even if he really didn’t want to scare Mrs. Arbogast off. The poor woman had always been good to him after all, but he was still so very much annoyed.

_Yes, just annoyed, because I’m not really the jealous type, right? Right?_

“So would you care to explain why there’s a bouquet of calla lilies from that bastard in Pepper’s office? There’s a restraining order, Bambi,” he whined impatiently. “If he gets near her, you don’t accept the flowers, you call the cops instead!”

“With all due respect, Mr. Stark, Ms. Potts was here, outside, when the flowers arrived. I couldn’t just throw them out after she received the flowers herself and—”

“She signed for it?!”

Mrs. Arbogast looked at him patiently and Tony, for a minute there, was reminded of his own mother. He somewhat felt guilty for venting out his frustrations on the old woman, but he thought he would deal with the guilt later. For now, he was so preoccupied with the thought that Pepper received the flowers, despite knowing that it came from Killian _,_ and that she had obviously read ~~the letter~~ the note already.

_Did she talk to Killian? She wouldn’t call him, would she?_

“I would’ve thrown away the flowers if I could, but she doesn’t know about your request, Mr. Stark. I’m so sorry.”

Tony sighed as he pulled himself back to the conversation. He really didn’t know what else to do other than to shake his head resignedly. He wasn’t the jealous type, he really wasn’t.

_I’m not jealous… and while I do trust Pepper, Killian is a different story._

He could feel himself fuming at the audacity of that man, writing that note and sending it to her when anyone could practically catch at least a glimpse of what was written. Anyone, anyone could have read it and they could all be in the tabloids before the day even ended, and Tony couldn’t allow that. Not when Pepper wasn’t ready to tell the public just yet because it was just too early, and not when Tony had worked so hard to make sure that no one would ever doubt Morgan’s paternity.

_Just really, what is Killian’s angle?_

“Did he ever drop by here? Killian? At any point, recently?”

“He didn’t, Mr. Stark. It was always just the flower guy.”

_Always... So he sends flowers, on the regular? On more than one occasion perhaps?_

“Okay, just… Just throw it away next time, before she sees it.”

“Of course, Mr. Stark.”

Tony walked away before he had to endure the pitying look from Mrs. Arbogast, but not without sparing a longing glance towards the conference room where Pepper had escaped to. He didn’t want to acknowledge the thought but he knew that with how things were going, he could really lose her to someone else… to Killian even.

He really wished that she would come home soon, he figured that maybe if he managed to win her back, Peter would be home as well. Or maybe it would be the other way around? Either way, she was asking for time, for space, and he owed it to her to give her just that. She did the same for him after all when he first learned about Andros in Cornwall.

Still, there was that part of his brain which screamed that he couldn’t afford to not stay in her orbit, not because he didn’t trust her because he did, but because he was well aware that Killian was still around. That guy would do anything, anything to win her back, and Tony couldn’t risk that. And even if he knew (he really hoped anyway) that this break was only temporary and Pepper would come home eventually, he was still already missing out on a lot with Morgan and he hated every minute of it. He wanted to be there, he _needed_ to be there.

He got in the silver Audi and before he started the engine, he took out the invitation from MIT. The event was still almost a week away, but maybe that would be enough time for Pepper to reconsider and for his son to cool his head, perhaps? Maybe the setting could even remind those two of what they were supposed to be... a family... together... right?

Maybe if he even played his cards right, everything would be forgiven and Pepper would finally be wearing his mom’s ring on her finger.

He decided to keep his distance and to give her and his son some time. In the meantime, to distract himself from the severe emptiness of the Manhattan mansion, he decided he should probably get his mother’s ring cleaned and ready just in time for the MIT trip.

_Just in case... just in case._

\---- --- ----

** Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Cambridge MA: **

“Help me out, what’s the MIT mission statement? _‘To generate, disseminate... and preserve knowledge. And work with others... to bring it to bear on the world's great challenges.’_ Well, you are the others. And, quiet as it’s kept... the challenges facing you are the greatest mankind’s ever known. Plus, most of you are broke.”

That earned Tony a chuckle from the crowd gathered at the MIT auditorium that day. He was standing on a stage in front of a very large crowd with signs that read _MIT Alumni Honors: Tony Stark_ displayed on both sides of the platform, a hologram teleprompter cueing him on his speech.

To tell the truth, he would rather skip this presentation as soon as he heard that Pepper had cancelled. In fact, he almost walked out at the last minute, but then his good sense kicked in and he realized that maybe this would be a good opportunity to show Pepper that he was trying to do better, that he was trying to change, that she could rely on him this time. Still, knowing that both his girlfriend and his son had decided to skip an event being held in his honor made him feel more alone than he had ever felt in weeks. He was clearly on his own. His family wasn’t here, and even if the whole auditorium was packed to capacity, the place just felt so very empty.

But he pushed on, plastering that megawatt smile that the press had always known him for. The show must go on after all, and it seemed like all the practice he had from as early as when he was four was finally paying off. He was quite the presentor, nobody would ever be able to tell that he could very much feel the weight of the small black velvet box stashed in the pocket of his suit jacket the whole time.

He brought the ring today because he knew he was going to see her (and for the first time, too, ever since he paid a visit to her office almost a week ago) and maybe, just maybe, he could prove to her that he was a changed man, that she could rely on him consistently. He felt that this break had already lasted longer than it should have and in a last-ditch effort to prove to her that he really didn’t mean the things he said back in Malibu, he had thought about proposing to her, once and for all.

Yes, he knew the proposal would be very much ill-timed given their break, but since when did he get the timing right anyway?

Well, that was the plan anyway, until the organizers had informed him just prior to his presentation that Pepper had cancelled at the last minute. In that moment, he didn’t know which hurt more – the fact that he was the last to know that she wouldn’t be there or the fact that she most certainly cancelled just to avoid him. So, yes, the small velvet box weighed heavily in his pocket, a substantial reminder of the love that he might have already lost. Still, he was a charmer, having spent his entire life in front of the cameras, and if his heart was breaking, the public didn’t need to know that.

“Oh, I'm sorry. Rather, you were. As of this moment... every student has been made an equal recipient of the Inaugural September Foundation Grant. As in... all of your projects have just been approved and funded.” The crowd broke out in loud applause and cheering at the generosity he had shown. Over the uproar, he called out, “No strings, no taxes… just re-frame the future! Starting now.”

Then he paused, because if he hadn’t he might have broken down right there and then. A shadow passed over his face just as the teleprompter above the audience read:

> _‘Now I would like to introduce the head of the foundation: Pepper Potts.’_

He had no idea how long he stood there just staring at her name, but he hoped that he had recovered quickly enough before anyone could notice. Suddenly he was grateful that the signal in the auditorium was jammed for security purposes, at least he could be out of MIT before speculations about the status of their relationship could hit the press; fending off breakup rumors was probably one of the last things they needed to be dealing with right now.

He took a deep breath, put on his best smile, and gazed at the crowd quite distractedly.

“Go break some eggs.”

He did one last wave before exiting the stage, and God, he just wanted to leave the place. He couldn’t breathe, he had not anticipated that the mere sight of her name could frazzle him so much, and the ring... it had never felt heavier until now. On his way out, he barely registered that an MIT instructor was pitching him an idea for the grant and that his assistant was apologizing about the teleprompter. He waved the apology off, just wanting to get out of there as fast as he could.

He was looking forward to stepping out to the fresh air of the open school grounds when what greeted him instead was a barrage of reporters who seemed to be out for blood more than the usual. Questions were fired at him one after the other and Tony dismissed them before he could even hear them as he made a beeline for his waiting Audi. Still, he couldn’t help but actually register a few.

“Did you and Ms. Potts really break up? Is that why you came to MIT alone?”

“Is it true that Ms. Potts is expecting and that the pregnancy’s really difficult?”

“Reports from Manhattan claim that Ms. Potts was rushed to a hospital just this morning, is this true? Are you really broken up that’s why you’re here and not there?”

Tony’s head snapped so quickly at that last question that he almost grabbed the reporter’s recorder and threw it against a wall, almost. Instead, he took refuge inside his Audi and immediately stepped on the gas, fleeing the school grounds as fast as he could. He was just about to call Pepper’s phone when Rhodes’ call came in and he swore, his best friend could not have a worse timing.

“Rhodey, I really cannot talk right now,” he snapped at the car audio, running the red as he got on I-90 W. “I need to call Pepper and—”

“Tones, that’s why I’m calling. Are you still in MIT? I saw the news, I’ve been trying to reach you since an hour ago—”

“Signals were jammed inside the auditorium. Cut to the chase, will you?” he barked impatiently. “One reporter mentioned that—”

“Lenox Hill, Tones.”

“So it’s true?” He could literally feel his heart sinking.

“Go straight to Lenox Hill.”

“Is she okay? What happened?”

Tony gripped the steering wheel hard, his knuckles were practically white. If anything happened to her or to the baby… he would never ever forgive himself. What was he thinking, agreeing to go to MIT separately? He should’ve insisted that they go together, he should’ve been with her.

“Peter’s with her, the kid called me. She told the kid that she promised to tell you everything that happens with—”

“The baby,” Tony finished for Rhodes, his heart already feeling heavier than it did that morning. “Are they going to be okay?”

“Peter doesn’t have news yet.”

“I’m more than three hours away…” he muttered helplessly, stepping on the gas as he tried to keep his fears at bay. This couldn’t be a repeat of fifteen years ago, it just couldn’t be. He overtook more cars than he cared to count as he distractedly asked, “How long has she been in the hospital?”

“Just this morning...”

_That’s why she cancelled._

His heart thumped loudly at this new information but the realization did not offer even the slightest bit of consolation. Right now, he would much rather prefer that she cancelled merely to avoid him, he thought he could live with that. Because if anything happened to her and to Morgan…

_Don’t go there, Stark. She’ll be alright, they both will be…_

“… also, Happy wants to know how you want to deal with the press, the reporters are having a field day in Manhattan as we speak. I’d go there, but I can’t leave the base right now. And Tones, drive safely.”

He ignored the reminder. Right now, all he could care about was Pepper and the baby and getting back home to Manhattan as fast as he could.

“Tones… She’d want you to drive safe, you know that... you know why.”

Tony didn’t need to be reminded why. He very well knew why.

\---- --- ----

**Lenox Hill, Manhattan NY:**

“No, Uncle Rhodey, don’t even get me started on how Dad reacted over the paternity test. Honestly, I’m not surprised he didn’t tell you. He probably already knew you’d call him out for it, because he was such an ass—”

“Kid, language.”

Peter rolled his eyes while he clutched his phone to his ear. At the same time, he was looking down at the hospital lobby through the window from the private suite of the Maria Stark wing. Cameras were flashing and news vans were camped just outside, and Peter was so sure they’d make tomorrow’s front page. He was starting to get really irritated because he never really knew how to deal with the press in situations like this one. His dad should be the one taking care of such things.

_What’s taking Dad so long?_

He sighed as he pulled himself back to the conversation, which, to be honest, was proving to be more cathartic than he ever expected it to be. He knew it was probably because he was more than willing to rat his dad out to his uncle, but he couldn’t really care. So he spilled each and every single one of his father’s latest screw ups, even retelling what happened in Malibu almost verbatim.

“I hate Dad right now, and I don’t want to talk to him.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I did make him pay for what he did in Connecticut as soon as he told me about it. I think I managed to land at least three punches.”

Peter grinned at that, he bit his lip if only to stop himself from laughing because Pepper was sleeping just a few feet away from him. Still, while the thought was amusing, he still hated what his father had done and he had no intention to forgive him just yet.

“He deserved more than that,” he muttered glumly.

“Maybe. But kid, talk to your dad, hear him out. Let Pepper decide on what Tony truly deserves.”

“But she loves him… Not that it’s a bad thing, but what if she lets him off the hook again just as easily?”

_And then Dad will hurt her again and she will get tired and then she will finally leave…_

He couldn’t even bring himself to say those thoughts out loud.

“Would you rather they break up instead?”

“No, of course not. I just want Dad to realize…” he sighed as he tried not to imagine how things would be like should Pepper decide to move away, taking Morgan with her. “I want him to see what he stands to lose if he ever hurt her again.”

_And what I stand to lose as well._

“Believe me, Pete. Tony knows what’s at stake, and I’m sure he hasn’t forgotten what it felt like to lose her. He wouldn’t want to go through that again. So… cut your dad some slack? At least for now?”

A soft knock followed by the door being gently pushed open took Peter away from the retort he was just about to say. His father appeared at the doorway looking like stress and worry and anxiety all rolled in a black Armani. His dad gave him a small nod before heading straight to sit beside the bed, taking Pepper’s hand in his and kissing her knuckles almost reverently. The strain in his voice when he whispered, “Pep, honey, I’m here…” did not skip Peter’s notice.

“I can’t promise that, Uncle Rhodey, but I’ll tell you the rest soon,” he muttered into the phone instead, not taking his eyes away from his father.

“Tony got there already?”

“Yeah…” and as much as Peter did not like to admit it, he was glad, relieved that his father was already here. “I’ll call you once I have more news?”

“Anytime, kid.”

Peter stashed the phone in his pocket as he took the seat by the windows overlooking the lobby a few floors below. He didn’t really want to intrude, he had thought about leaving his dad alone with Pepper but he didn’t want to miss the doctor as well for when he came back to give an update.

“How is she?” his father asked quietly, his gaze not leaving her.

Peter heard him, loud and clear, but he didn’t know what to tell him because honestly, he was still a bit scared. He could still see Pepper so anxious and agitated every time he closed his eyes and part of him was angry at his father for not being there, for taking so long, for being so far away…

_Every time, every time she needed you, you weren’t there…_

“Pete? What happened?”

“They had to sedate her,” he whispered quietly but it did very little to hide the bitterness in his tone.

“Why?”

“She was so agitated. We were in her office and then the next thing I know, she was in pain and she was crying and there was bleeding—”

“And no one called me?”

“I did try to call you, many times!” Peter half-shouted, half-whispered as he reminded himself that Pepper needed the rest, he could do the verbal sparring with his father some time later. “I called you, Dad, even if I don’t want to talk to you just yet, because she asked for you. She was very anxious and agitated and in pain and was asking for you. But again, you weren’t there—”

“You know I was in MIT, the signals were jammed for security reasons… I got Rhodey’s call instead, and I rushed here as fast as I can, as soon as I knew—”

“Mr. Stark?”

They both turned around to see her attending standing by the doorway, clearly sensing that he had arrived at probably the most inopportune moment. Tony had stood up from the bed, offering his hand to the doctor while Peter stood closely behind.

“I’m Dr. Greene. Ms. Potts hasn’t waken up yet?”

“You had to sedate her?” Peter couldn’t help but furrow his brows at the very first thing that his father had thought of asking but he kept his mouth shut. “How is she? Is the baby okay?”

“She’s fine, the baby is fine, although I will have to keep her overnight just so we can observe her,” the doctor assured them and Peter could feel himself relaxing just a bit, although his father was a different story. “Sometimes it does happen, the cramping and some bleeding especially in the first trimester, but the outcomes are usually good especially if previous pregnancies turned out okay.”

“But why did she have to be sedated?”

“That, I wanted to discuss with you,” Dr. Greene told them patiently. “While she had some bleeding, the quantity wasn’t really that alarming and yet she was so scared and agitated, it seemed like she was having a panic attack. If you don’t mind me asking, is this her first pregnancy? Or did she have a previous pregnancy with a poor outcome?”

Peter could see his father’s hesitation and he honestly could not blame the man. Outside of their family, only about three or four other people knew. Eventually, Peter came to understand that it wasn’t because they wanted to keep his brother a secret. He realized that it was because even almost fifteen years later, the wounds still felt raw to Pepper, and that his father really hadn’t truly dealt with losing his brother just yet. Talking about Andros still hurt, it was just too much, too personal.

“I only asked because maybe we could help her more if we know what she’s worried about,” Dr. Greene went on when he noticed his father’s reservations. “We can reassure her more, maybe offer some counseling, anything that would help not just her, but the family as well.”

Peter saw his father glanced uncertainly at Pepper who was still soundly sleeping, completely oblivious to the dilemma Tony was in. The sight was new to Peter, he had never really heard his father talk about his brother before, everything that Peter knew about Andros came from Pepper. And so once again, Peter was seeing a new side of him… that of a man who had lost a child, the one who obviously felt that he had failed the woman he loved.

“We had a… we lost a baby many years ago, stillborn.” Tony painfully dragged the words out and Peter couldn’t help but be reminded that his father would truly do everything, anything, for Pepper. “She was in a car crash. She almost died, lost a lot of blood, had multiple surgeries…”

“I see.” Dr. Greene nodded sympathetically. “How far along was she then?”

“Thirty weeks.”

“And do you remember how that pregnancy was like? During the first trimester?”

“I don’t know, I wasn’t really…”

_Dad wasn’t there._

The thought came to Peter quicker than he had anticipated, even before he noted that his dad bit his lip and that he sighed deeply. The man wasn’t there, he didn’t know, and after everything that had happened, Peter could see that he still blamed himself for it… even if he shouldn’t, up to this day.

“… She told me she had severe bleeding at thirteen, fourteen weeks,” Tony mentioned, trying to recover when he had visibly choked at the memory. “She also had hyperemesis then, just like now.”

“I understand why this is so stressful for her and for you as well, but I want to reassure you that Ms. Potts and the baby are both healthy,” the doctor told them and Peter was just glad that somehow, his father seemed to have finally relaxed, even just for a bit. “Just try to avoid anything that could stress her further, she has a very difficult pregnancy as it is. Could it be work that’s stressing her out? If she can take a few days off, better. I’ll be around if you have questions.”

“Of course, thank you,” his father distractedly offered his hand, which the doctor shook before stepping out of the room.

Peter _really_ wanted to make a smart-ass comment on how his dad should try not to stress Pepper further but he bit his tongue and decided to let it go for now. He was angry at his father, but neither was he cruel enough to kick a man when he was down. Peter knew how to pick his timing after all.

His father on the other hand had decided to resume his vigil by Pepper’s bedside, holding her hand in his as if he was afraid to let her go. Peter knew he was probably intruding but he couldn’t let go of Pepper either, he just couldn’t.

_I can’t afford to lose her, too, Dad…_

“Did you know she’s been taking some meds since Malibu?” Peter asked, even if he didn’t know why he was asking. Maybe it was because he would feel better if he knew that his dad was aware, it would at least mean that he and Pepper were talking, at least about Morgan. “I saw her took some pills after your fight.”

“I know that she did before we went to Malibu,” his father whispered, not bothering to take his eyes off of her. “I didn’t know she was still taking them after that.”

“She takes good care of us, Dad.”

“I know.”

“She needs someone to watch over her, too. It should’ve been—”

“It should’ve been me, I know.” His father looked at him apologetically and Peter wanted to forgive him in that moment. He wanted to, but not yet. “I’m sorry, Pete.”

“Tony?”

They both glanced at Pepper who was fully awake now, frown lines creasing her beautiful face. She didn’t look like she was in pain, and yet the worry in her eyes was more than enough to remind Peter of how panic-stricken she was just a few hours earlier.

“Honey, it’s okay. The baby’s fine, Morgan’s fine,” his father whispered soothingly. He took her in his arms and kissed her temple before she buried her face in his neck. “Deep breaths, Pep. Don’t worry, okay? You and the baby are okay.”

It was moments like this one which reminded Peter that his dad truly loved Pepper, even if he screwed up sometimes, even if he was selfish at times, even if he was jealous often. Peter still wasn’t ready to forgive him, but something clenched at his heart in that very moment, making him feel guilty, leaving him wondering if maybe he was getting in the way, in _their_ way.

“Peter?”

He glanced back at them to see that Pepper had pulled away from his father’s embrace and was now resting her head against the pillow, her hand with the IV was reaching out to him. He took her hand and rubbed it carefully while he wondered what she needed from him.

“Thank you,” she whispered to him, and the way that his dad bowed his head and clenched his jaw was not lost on Peter at all.

He smiled at her, not really knowing how to respond after seeing his dad’s reaction. Peter didn’t mean to get in the way and if his father felt guilty for not rushing to her side all at once, Peter really couldn’t do anything about it anymore. But he did figure that he should give them some time alone, so he excused himself, saying he’d get some coffee and that he’d ask Happy to grab dinner for them.

Peter left the room and closed the door behind him, very much aware that his dad was probably kicking himself for not being there for her… again. He felt bad for his father and he knew he should probably help assuage his guilt, but Peter was still too upset about everything that happened in Malibu to start showing that he cared. That and the fact that he was trying to teach his father a lesson, which he hoped the man was starting to learn. Pepper deserved better after all.

\---- --- ----

“I came straight from MIT. I thought you and Peter cancelled because…” Tony caught himself before he could say _‘because you’re avoiding me,’_ and he was glad that he did.

He reminded himself that he needed to stop making her feel as if he was blaming her, even if he wasn’t. It was, after all, part of the reason why they were on this ridiculous break in the first place, so instead, he chose his words well. He tensed his jaw as he busied himself with pouring her a glass of orange juice which he had retrieved from the mini fridge sitting in one corner of the room. He reminded himself, he shouldn’t be stressing her out, he really shouldn’t.

“Never mind,” he went on, handing her the glass while he took the armchair on the left side of the bed. “I just want to say that I’m sorry, I didn’t know what was happening here in Manhattan and I came here as soon as I knew.”

She barely spared him a glance as she placed the glass on the bedside table, carefully so as not to meet his gaze. She had barely said a single word to him ever since she woke up (and no, that “Tony?” when she first came to didn’t count), and he was sensing that she probably wanted to be simply left alone. But Tony was resolved to start patching things up with Pepper, even if he would have to do all the work. This break, after all, had really lasted longer than it should have.

“I didn’t know you’ve been taking the meds in Malibu,” he tried to sound neutral, the last thing they needed after all was him calling her out for not telling him something was wrong. “I saw you in SI less than a week ago and you didn’t mention anything. You know that you can tell me anything, right? Even if we’re on this ridiculous break.”

Tony sighed, hating the quiet which answered him back. He knew Pepper had always been stoic about her emotions, the accident in LA only further amplified that trait, but this just seemed different this time. She was not trying to look tough, in fact she was obviously tired and sad, staring blankly at the flatscreen where people were discussing the latest business reports.

He knew she was hurting, and he would do anything to take that pain away, if only she would talk to him.

“Pep… When Pete told me he hated me, I remembered me, you know?” He gazed at her but her eyes were on that damn flatscreen but nonetheless he knew she was listening, so he pushed on. “Me at the same age, shouting the same words furiously at Dad and— I totally lost it. Pete telling me those words was the ultimate payback… and I was so upset because I promised myself that I will do better for the kid more than Dad ever did for me and yet… It was like I fell into this hole and I couldn’t pull myself out.”

He paused, hoping for anything, a single word, the slightest nod, the softest ‘okay,’ but when it became obvious that she still wouldn’t say a thing, he went on.

“I don’t know how many more times I’m allowed to use these words, but I’m sorry, Pep. You have every right to be angry at me. I mean, Rhodey’s mad at what I said, Peter is, too. Hell, I am mad at me, too. But just to set the record straight, the past six months since you’ve been back have been the best ones of my life and the past couple of weeks that you’re not beside me at night rank up high among the worst ones… In fact, these past nights are almost as terrible as when I first learned that we lost our firstborn.”

Pepper had not moved a single inch but the soft sob and the quiver from her lips did not escape Tony’s watch. He really hoped he was not stressing her out, but he really needed to get this out and she really needed to hear this from him.

“And I don’t regret Morgan… I never did and I never will. Pep, I almost lost my mind at the thought that something could have happened to either of you and I drove here so fast I barely remembered the route I took. I love you, I never really stopped loving you, and for all my genius I was so stupid to even think that you should’ve never come back.”

Tony took her hand in his and he was just glad that she did not withdraw from his touch. How else would he be able to convince her anyway?

“Pep, I understand that you need space, but I came to realize that needing space is never a good thing, ever. I needed space from Peter’s mom and the next thing I know, I needed a lawyer and I was fighting a custody battle. I don’t want that for us. We’ve been through so much, Pep. I know things aren’t perfect. You’ve kept things from me, and I’ve kept things from you, but I love you. Women like you don’t love men like me but you did anyway. And I know I’m not the easiest guy in the world to build a life with but I promise you, I will never leave. I will never think about leaving, I will do whatever it takes for us to work.”*

Pepper still wouldn’t respond, but the flatscreen caught her attention, avidly this time. Tony clenched his jaw at the footage of himself, stepping out to the MIT grounds as he dodged reporters and hurried towards the waiting Audi, while a voice over played in the background.

_“Is there trouble in Stark paradise? It appears so after Tony Stark went ahead with his MIT engagement earlier today even after his girlfriend and rumored fiancée, Pepper Potts, was rushed to the hospital for still undisclosed reasons. It has been speculated that the couple are expecting their first child, and that the first few months of the pregnancy have been very difficult for the CEO, which is why Tony Stark pushing through with his MIT appearance only fueled rumors that there could be trouble between Manhattan’s favorite couple—”_

Tony had hit mute on the remote, clearly having heard enough. This was exactly the kind of things that Pepper would stress about and he was not going to let it get to her.

“Pep, you have to come home at some point. You don’t have to forgive me if you still can’t, we don’t have to sleep in the same room if you don’t want to, but you have to come home because I cannot protect you if you’re out there and…” He sighed, not really knowing how else to make his case. “Okay… You at least have to talk to me at some point.”

“Pretty soon the public will know."

He wasn’t really expecting any response, Pepper could be just as equally stubborn if she wanted to be, but the fact that she chose to break her silence spoke volumes on what she was really worrying about. At least, one of the things she was worrying about.

“Pep, we still have time. You can work from home, we can procrastinate with telling the public, not until you’re ready.”

“The first few months with Andros was difficult, too. I thought I was going to lose him during the first few weeks.”

“I remember you told me about it.” He squeezed her hand, not really knowing where she was going with this, but he was just letting her. At least, she was talking.

“I don’t want to be on baby watch, Tony,” she whispered, still not meeting his eyes. “At least not until the baby’s almost here, until we’re sure that nothing will go wrong.”

Tony understood. It was heartbreaking enough having to deal with losing Andros but just imagining going through the same but under the public eye, he didn’t know if they could deal with that.

“You won’t be,” he promised and he would do anything in his power to keep that promise, no matter the cost. “I won’t let that happen.”

She pulled her hand from his grasp and placed it above her stomach, just as she turned her head to the side, facing away from him. She closed her eyes, effectively dismissing him, while she softly muttered, “Okay.”

Tony sat there quietly for a while, not really knowing what to say or where they stood. He couldn’t remember them having a fight as big as this, he couldn’t remember Pepper being as monosyllabic as she was right now. Tony knew he had really outdone himself this time, he had really crossed the line.

“I suppose you haven’t forgiven me enough for you to come home?” He tensed his jaw in an attempt to keep his voice from breaking, because damn it but Pepper was the only one who could make him crumble like this, who could break him like this. “I miss you, Pep… I need you and I need the kids.”

“I’d like to sleep, Tony.”

He nodded once, then he stood up from the armchair because Tony Stark knew a dismissal when he saw one.

“I’ll talk to Happy then, we’ll take care of the press. But I’ll be here when you wake up and I’ll get the house ready for when you get discharged tomorrow.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“No, it’s fine, really—”

“I’m staying in my apartment.”

Tony closed his eyes, breathing deeply as he did so because right now, it felt as if somebody had poured cold water on his head. Ordinarily, Pepper would have forgiven him by now, but clearly this was no ordinary fight. This time it really was different, he could really lose her this time.

“Pep, I’m here to take care of you… if you’ll just let me. This isn’t like when you had Andros, I’m here now.” Tony appealed to her, knowing that she was quietly crying, he knew she was. “Pep, I love you, that hasn’t changed a bit and I’m really sorry and—”

“I’d really like to sleep, Tony.”

Tony sighed defeatedly. Clearly, there was no changing her mind, at all.

“Okay,” he muttered, backing away as he made his way to the door. “I love you.”

\---- --- ----

Tony stepped out of the private suite to make some calls - to Happy, to Bambi, to his legal team, to his PR team, to his florist even - before making his way to the coffee shop situated in a quiet corner on the second floor. He wasn’t really hungry, he had kissed his appetite goodbye as soon as he learned that Pepper was in the hospital, but he could really use some coffee in his system. It was almost half past six in the evening and still, a lot needed to be done. The press, for one, was still waiting for an official statement and Tony needed to be fully awake for that. He also needed the caffeine if he planned to stay up the whole night, watching over Pepper and making sure that she was alright. He was exhausted from the long drive, but Pepper came first, she always did and that was a no-brainer.

He grabbed his double espresso and was just about to head back to the suite when he saw Peter sitting at a table in the far end, beside the window walls overlooking the parking lot where the news vans and reporters were all camped out. He was clutching his phone to his ear, speaking in hushed tones even if the rest of the coffee shop remained to be deserted.

“She’s alright, they both are,” Peter murmured to his phone, narrowing his eyes when he saw Tony approaching. “I’ll call you again soon? … Okay, thank you.”

“Is that Michelle?” Tony asked even if he already knew. It was his own attempt at small talk but Peter simply nodded, watching him as he took the seat opposite his. “Kid, can we talk?”

Peter simply raised his eyebrows inquiringly, noncommittally, before taking a sip of his own coffee. The usual hyper-verbal kid was being anything but and Tony, to tell the truth, wasn’t really surprised. Pepper wouldn’t talk to him unless absolutely necessary and Peter was giving him the cold shoulder as well and he decided he had had enough of that. If the kid wouldn’t talk, he should at least hear him out.

“Pete, kid… What you heard from me the other day and over the last few days? Why I didn’t know about your brother until three months ago, or the fact that I wasn’t there for the woman I love when she lost our child, or the simple truth that I abandoned her albeit unknowingly… those aren’t excuses. They’re details about the worst mistake of my life. Back then, I walked away, Pete… and I don’t want you to make the same mistakes that I did. Don’t walk away from your family.”

Peter only smiled at him sadly. “I’m not walking away. I’m here for Pepper and she’s family. I just…”

“You just don’t want to talk to me.”

“Glad you figured that out. But hey, you’re a genius so…”

Peter had then preoccupied himself with tracing the edges of the lid of his coffee cup. It could be just an anxious tell although it was more likely that he was doing it to avoid meeting Tony’s gaze.

There were so many things in their relationship that needed fixing, and between his and Pepper’s problems, and her and the baby’s health, Tony was already feeling drained. But his kid needed him as well, and while Howard failed to show him support, he promised himself to do better with Peter. He was not going to fail the kid, he was going to be there even if Peter didn’t want him… because Howard wasn’t there for him and as much as he hated to admit it, Tony wanted him to be there.

“I understand that you’re upset and I really wish you didn’t find out about your brother in the way that you did but I was really going to tell you.”

“But you didn’t.” Peter still looked so hurt and Tony still blamed himself for it. “You didn’t tell me until you had no other choice.”

“I couldn’t tell you the truth, I couldn’t tell you everything because one of the hardest things to admit is that I wasn’t there for Pepper when she needed me the most. It’s a terrible feeling.”

“And you thought it would be easier if I hear it from Killian? Of all people?”

“Kid, I don’t know how or what Killian told you but that guy will do anything, _anything_ to drag me down. You know that.”

“Still, you could have told me. Do you really think so little of me, Dad? That I wouldn’t understand?”

“I didn’t want you to think any less of me.”

In the end, it always boiled down to this, to Tony’s constant fear that he had fallen from the pedestal that Peter had put him on. He knew the feeling, and even if he couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when Howard fell from grace in his eyes, he could very much remember the disappointment, that constant nagging feeling that he couldn’t rely on his own father, that Howard wouldn’t be the first person he would call should he land in prison himself (which happened, by the way).

He was supposed to do better with Peter, and Peter was going to be better than him.

Tony could only sigh as he watched the kid quietly staring at the press camped outside. Peter had apparently chosen not to move their conversation along and Tony couldn’t decide if he felt glad about it or not. Would it be so hard to say, _“No, Dad, I don’t think that way?”_

_Maybe… maybe saying the truth is even harder, especially if the truth is that he does think less of me._

“Look at them,” Peter murmured, nodding in the direction of the press stationed just outside.

Tony knew the kid never really got used to the media frenzy that had always followed their lives. He had devoted his whole life keeping Peter away from public scrutiny after all and he must agree, that gave the kid some semblance of normalcy and privacy, something that he never really had growing up. He had worked so hard to give the boy a normal life, and Tony had no plans of changing that anytime soon, not when there was another child on the way and not when Pepper clearly wasn’t ready to tell the whole world just yet.

“I’m taking care of that,” he reassured the boy who still wouldn’t look at him. “Can you please come home? I can protect you and Pepper better—”

“We both know you can protect Pepper wherever she is.” Peter finally met his gaze and there was no hatred nor there was reproach. The kid just seemed… tired. “Don’t turn this into an excuse to persuade her to come home, Dad, not when she’s still not ready.”

“Pete…”

“I’m not getting in the way, Dad.” The boy stood up, ending their conversation. “She knows she can come home, anytime. Maybe you have to give her that, time. She’ll come home when she’s ready.”

“And you?”

Peter hesitated for a while and Tony noticed that he gripped the cup of coffee he was holding a little bit tighter than necessary. He could almost see the internal debate inside the boy’s head, because Peter wasn’t cruel after all. Tony knew that the boy wasn’t punishing him, he was just confused and lost and disappointed.

“I’ll let you know.”

Tony merely nodded quietly as he watched the boy walked away. He had not lost the kid after all, he could live with that.

_I’ll wait for your call, kid. Just let me know._

\---- --- ----

“Bad time?”

Tony glanced at the clock on the far side of the wall. It was almost two in the morning and while he knew that an hour before midnight was a fairly acceptable time to call his best friend in California, the airman could still be busy with things at the base. From the background noise that he could make out over the phone, it sounded as if Rhodes was still in the control room after all. So he asked if he was imposing, not out of politeness but really more out of habit.

“Hmm, I can manage. How are things in New York?”

“Pepper is… fine. The baby’s fine, they both are, although we’re still in the hospital,” Tony whispered, not really wanting to wake Pepper or his son who had claimed the couch as his own bed for the night. “I just called because… Well, thanks for calling me earlier.”

“She did ask Peter to tell you, although I would much rather prefer not being the middle man between you. How’s my godson?”

“He’s upset about the media circus… on top of other things. You talked to him?” Tony asked, remembering the call Peter was in the middle of when he walked in earlier that day.

“He calls me. He tells me things.”

“Well then you know that Peter is being a teenager.”

“That bad, huh?”

“You have no idea.”

“How bad are we talking about here? I’m sure it’s not that bad, but alcohol? Drugs? Girls?”

“I said Peter is being a teenager, not taking a page from _my_ book.”

“That’s good then, pretty PG,” Rhodes declared matter of factly and Tony could almost imagine his best friend snickering, just because.

Tony approached Peter’s sleeping form and adjusted the blanket to keep the boy from getting cold. He then brushed his fingers through the boys hair, swiping at those stubborn curls that kept hitting his eyes. He really missed the kid, so much.

“He still hates me, Rhodey. He doesn’t want to come home.”

“So he _is_ taking a page from your book after all.”

“Shut up, Honeybear.” Tony smiled in spite of himself, the boy was really his kid, through and through. “He’s better than me. In fact, he’s more well adjusted than I ever was at the same age.”

“Still, give him time. We all know the kid loves you.”

“But if he doesn’t come home, Pepper won’t as well, and I’m already missing out on a lot with Morgan,” he whispered the last part before he could even stop himself. “I sometimes feel like I’m losing her.”

“Well then fight for her, she did for you.”

“I can’t even get her to talk to me,” he muttered, ultimately deciding to resume his vigil beside her bed. He took the armchair on her left while making a mental note to donate more comfortable seats in his mother’s private wing, they could really use some lazy boys in here. “I honestly thought that after this scare, she’ll come home with me, if not because she has forgiven me, maybe at least for the baby’s sake. But no, she’s staying in her apartment after she gets discharged tomorrow.”

“And Peter?”

“Is staying with her.”

“Tones, I’m sorry.”

“In some ways, this is worse than fifteen years ago, you know?” He reached out to take her hand in his and he rubbed it affectionately, his mind momentarily preoccupied by the ring that was still in the pocket of his suit jacket. “At least back then I didn’t know what I was missing, but now… I miss Pepper, I miss the kids… and I just feel…”

_I feel so alone._

He bit his lip in an attempt to suppress an immense need to break down. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat as he kissed Pepper’s knuckles, warring with himself against holding her close, against kissing her…

“Tones, you okay, buddy?”

“Call you soon?” he told Rhodes instead.

There was a pause, he knew that somehow, Rhodes received the message, loud and clear.

“Anytime, Tones. Anytime.”

\---- --- ----

“Movies, check. Macarons, check. Pillows and blankets, check. And absolutely no paperworks, double check.”

Pepper couldn’t help but smile at the sight of Peter going above and beyond just to make sure she was comfortable. The kid had rearranged her room in such a way that everything she could possibly need was within reach without having to leave the bed, Peter had taken Dr. Greene’s advise of complete bed rest more seriously than she would have done so herself. The kid went overboard and it only reminded her of Tony, making her heart ache at the thought. He surely would have done the same if not more.

_Like father, like son, indeed. Always giving more…_

“Pepper, you okay?” Peter prodded. He must have asked something and she was obviously distracted. “Do you need anything else?”

She almost teared up when he asked, because she needed Tony… and Peter may not realize it but he did, too.

She forced a smile, hoping the kid wouldn’t notice. “I think I need a movie buddy. Are you done with your homework?”

“Yep, piece of cake.” He sat beside her on the bed, leaning his head on her shoulder while he fiddled with the remote. “Hmm, Casablanca or To Catch a Thief?”

“ _You_ can’t seriously want those,” Pepper teased as she switched the ceiling lights off in favor of the bedside lamp. “You don’t need to indulge me. You may not believe it but I do enjoy Star Wars as well.”

“Nah, this is your night. Breakfast at Tiffany’s?”

“As long as it’s not Rosemary’s Baby.” Pepper sighed contentedly, leaning against the pillows while Peter snuggled closer. “Your baby sibling is giving me a hard time as it is, I don’t need that movie to stress me out.”

“Morgan’s going to be cute, smart, and spunky,” Peter declared sounding so certain. “She’s got to be, you know? Or he. Gotta make all those hospital trips worth it.”

“Shhh, your sibling might hear you.”

Peter chuckled and he only reminded her of Tony, more than ever.

They watched the movie quietly for a while but Pepper’s thoughts were elsewhere the whole time. About eight months ago she was so certain when she told Aldrich that, no, kids were never a part of her plan, and yet here she was, not only pregnant but also suddenly the closest thing to a mother this fourteen year-old boy could have.

In a way, it was almost serendipitous that she and Peter had met, had clicked even. She was a mother grieving her son even after fifteen years and he was just a kid who missed his own mom, whether he realized it or not. And Peter… he really was her own, somehow he had always been. She couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when it happened, but he was her kid, right from the very beginning.

“You have to go home at some point, you know?” she murmured after some time. She figured they would have to discuss this eventually, it had been over two weeks since they left Malibu after all. “Why are you so angry at your dad? Shouldn’t you be just as mad at me as you are with Tony?”

“He always told me that he hated Grandpa for not being the father he needed him to be,” Peter answered not taking his eyes off the movie. “But at least Grandpa never took Grandma for granted, unlike Dad with you and—”

“But that’s between me and your dad. It’s not fair that you’re mad at him for that.”

“He wasn’t fair with you, either. You lost my brother because of his indifference.”

“That’s not what happened.”

“Regardless. What I cannot understand is how you can forgive him for everything.” Peter’s brown eyes were searching hers and the kid seemed determined, more than the usual. “The accident wasn’t Dad’s fault but had he not pushed you away, you wouldn’t have been there in the first place.”

“Peter…”

“He doesn’t deserve to be forgiven just like that.”

Pepper realized she had underestimated this kid so much. There was so much more of Tony in Peter than any of them probably realized. The kid was just as equally stubborn, Howard Stark would be laughing right now, albeit even very proud.

“It doesn’t matter if you think he deserves it or not. Oftentimes, we forgive the people we love because they need it, because if we don’t they would never be able to forgive their own selves.” Pepper brushed her fingers through the boy’s hair, just as he moved to snuggle in closer. “And your dad, no matter how many times I assure him that I never blamed him for what happened, he still couldn’t forgive himself. He doesn’t say anything, he tries to hide it, but every night I know what he’s thinking… what he’s dreaming about, and who he’s trying to save every night in those dreams.”

“Every night?”

“Every night for the past three months, ever since he learned about your brother.”

The kid didn’t say anything else after that and Pepper really hoped that Peter had realized that there was so much more that Tony was already punishing himself for, that they didn’t really need to add to that. She wasn’t trying to invalidate the boy’s feelings, she had her own issues with Tony after all, but if she could at least bring the two boys closer, together, she wouldn’t get in the way of that.

Her eyes fell on the movie they were watching sometime later when Peter had already fallen asleep. She had seen this movie more times than she could remember (in fact, Tony had often complained, regardless, he still sat through many, many viewings of Breakfast at Tiffany’s with her) that she almost got the final scene memorized.

_“… people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness. You call yourself a free spirit, a wild thing, and you’re terrified somebody’s going to stick you in a cage. Well, baby, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it’s not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somaliland. It’s wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.”_

Pepper had to hit pause when Paul tossed Holly that engagement ring. It was just too much, too personal, too close to home.**

She glanced at her phone just as the screen lit up. Tony was calling, the first time he ever did since he dropped by unexpectedly in her office more than a week ago. It took them seventy-five unreturned phone calls to reach this moment, and she was still so unsure if she was ready to talk to him.

Pepper sighed deeply as she held back the tears. She picked up the remote instead and decided to switch the TV off.

\---- --- ----

_“Here’s an update on Manhattan’s power couple. A reliable source has confirmed that Virginia Potts, CEO of Stark Industries, is indeed expecting her first child with billionaire philanthropist Tony Stark. The news comes in the heels of the highly publicized end to the engagement of Potts to Aldrich Killian, CEO and President of Advanced Idea Mechanics. The former couple called off their wedding less than three months ago and—”_

Tony tapped the off switch on one of his workshop monitors before he could even hear the complete news. He had been waltzing with the press since he was four that he didn’t really need to hear the rest of the report in order to have a fairly good idea on what the story was trying to point out. It was basically quite obvious by now.

The way he saw it, this could go two ways - either the paternity of the baby would be put into question or people would surmise that Pepper was having an affair with him while she was engaged to Killian (which wasn’t really untrue, but then again, Pepper would stress over it and Tony didn’t want that to happen). Either way, this was still an unwelcome publicity, never mind the fact that the public actually wanted them together.

Tony couldn’t help but sigh as he wondered if he made the right decision to simply not release an official statement regarding Pepper’s hospitalization. The PR team didn’t really contradict him, but neither did they applaud his decision. He simply made the choice because it was what Pepper wanted. This way, they were not denying nor confirming anything and they would have enough time to prepare until Pepper would be comfortable enough to announce the baby. His promise, though, to keep her off the press’ baby watch would certainly be extra difficult. Still, Tony Stark was nothing if not persistent.

He wondered if she had seen the news, but more importantly, he wondered how she took it. Was she alright? Was she upset? He really should check on her, maybe she wouldn’t even answer his call (she never did anyway, since Malibu), but he ought to at least try.

“Tony?”

Tony let out a deep sigh as he paced in a tight circle in his workshop. He really wasn’t expecting her to pick up the phone, not after those seventy-five unreturned phone calls, but she did.

_She sounds upset, has she seen the news?_

Because, really, Tony Stark could tell from the way she said his name how Pepper Potts must be feeling right now. He knew her so well, he could practically picture her from the other end of the line.

“Hey, Pep. I just wanted to check on you, if you’re okay, if everything went well after you got home from the hospital.”

“I’m sure you know that everything’s alright. You basically loaned me Happy, and I know he keeps you updated.”

“Right.” So she caught him but they both knew it was just an excuse anyway, there really was no point in hiding that fact. “I know… I just wanted to hear your voice.”

He really didn’t know why he said that out loud, but he missed her so much and he knew that his good sense always seemed to go out the window when it came to her. She always rendered him defenseless and at a loss for words, it was almost as if he was meeting her for the very first time once more.

“Uh, have you seen the news?” he asked when it became clear that she wouldn’t respond to what he had just admitted out loud.

“I haven’t. Should I be worried?”

“Don’t watch it, I’ll take care of it. It’s not worth your and Morgan’s well-being.”

“Okay.”

Tony stopped pacing as he ran his free hand through his hair, while the other clutched the phone to his ear rather shakily. He missed Pepper, he missed the kids, so much that it actually hurt.

“Is Peter home?”

“Already asleep, he’s right here beside me.”

“He ever told you how school was? How his day went?”

“He had decathlon practice today. He mentioned something about planning a solo trip to Europe this summer, too.”

“I’m sure that can be arranged.”

“I’m sure.”

A beat, and then, “Peter’s okay?”

“As okay as he can be, Tony, given the situation.”

“Okay…” he hesitated, but only because he really did not want to hang up just yet. “Are you feeling better? How are you? How’s Morgan?”

“I’m fine. Baby’s fine, too, no more bleeding. We can both breathe easily once we’re out of the woods.”

“When would that be?”

“In a week? I’ll be past the first trimester then and the risk of miscarriage drastically decreases beyond that…”

“Right…” Tony could feel himself breaking at the realization that Pepper was already on her thirteenth, almost fourteenth week. He had missed almost three weeks and he really wasn’t willing to lose more. He had to ask, he had to at least try. “Pep, you don’t have to forgive me right now for Malibu, or for everything else that I said or did. You can come home without forgiving me. I can stay in the guest room if you want.”

“You know that I’ve forgiven you, Tony, but it’s not as simple as that, I can’t just move back in. And then Peter… he’s not ready, and he’ll come home when he is.”

“It’s just…” Tony sighed, clenching his jaw in the process just so he could hold back the tears. “We’re not even married and yet it feels like I already lost both kids in the divorce.”

“It’s not like that, Tony.”

He bit his lip if only to stop it from quivering as he tried to change the subject. “I’ll call Bambi tomorrow, I’ll attend your meetings for you. Take the week off, take the month off if you like.”

“A week is fine. Thank you, Tony,”

Tony knew there really was nothing left to say at this point, but he couldn’t let her go… not yet.

“Pep?”

“Tony?”

_You don’t know what you do to me, do you?_

But he couldn’t say that. Instead, he let the tears flow because he was tired and he was miserable without her and he was missing her so much.

“I’m really sorry, Pep…”

“I know… I’m sorry, too.”

He realized in that moment that he had to trust Pepper, he had to trust that she would come back to him… because in spite of all his flaws she loved him.

_She still does, doesn’t she?_

“Pep, when you and Pete are ready to come home, I’ll be here,” he dragged the words out, not caring at all that his voice was breaking.

“I’ll tell Peter.”

He nodded, inhaling deeply as he tried to pull himself together. He knew he was procrastinating, he still wasn’t ready to let her go.

“Call me if you need anything? If you crave anything? Anytime, no matter how early or how late.”

“I will… Good night, Tony.”

“Good night… And Pep? I love you.”

Tony swore, he did hear her answering sob before the line went dead and the call finally ended.

\---- --- ----

“… And Pep? I love you.”

Pepper gasped as she tried to stifle the sobs that escaped her lips.

She needed Tony around, she missed him. But she couldn’t keep having the same fights over and over again, not anymore. She glanced at the sleeping boy beside her just as she clutched her stomach with her free hand. She needed reassurance that Tony wouldn’t just drop the ball this time around.

She ended the call but when she held the phone to her chest shortly after, she whispered hoping that somehow, Tony knew…

“I love you.”

\---- --- ----

Tony couldn’t remember how he got there or how many glasses of scotch he had had since the call ended, but he found himself standing in the room he shared with Pepper, the very same room that he hadn’t really slept in ever since he came back from Malibu. He grabbed her pillow, and it still smelled like her even after it had been almost a month since she last spent the night in this house. He then stepped out of the room, taking the pillow with him; he had no plans to spend the night there alone after all. The room just seemed so empty without her, the bed too big for just one person.

Instead, Tony found himself pushing the door open to the room that he had converted to Morgan’s nursery. The nursery was still mostly bare save for the white curtains, the projectors, and the rocking chair, but he did manage to add the white crib and the couch in his overabundance of alone time in the last few weeks.

He decided he would crash on the couch instead and before he closed his eyes and buried his head in Pepper’s pillow, he did notice the baby blue blanket still draped over the rocking chair.

Tony sighed. He had never felt so alone.

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Sorry, obviously somebody rewatched Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life this Christmas break, and there. That was (almost) Luke's line.
> 
> **Click [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnOfomPgETs) for that scene.
> 
> I am sorry for the looooonnnnggg chapter (the longest one so far, actually), but I hope that makes up for the long interval between updates as well.
> 
> I just love Jealous Tony, like, a lot.
> 
> And did you notice how Pepper never really directly answered any of Killian's questions eight months ago? If she still has feelings for Tony, or if she's really done with the guy...
> 
> Again, I have written Tony and Pepper's "reconciliation" already, way before I wrote this chapter actually, and I can't wait to share it with you in the coming chapters. It was therapeutic to do so, I hate it when these two are on a break. Also, there's a reason for the quotation marks, I'm afraid.
> 
> If you've read [Since 2008](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23974381), you'll realize that I almost completely lifted the MIT scene from there to this chapter. Sorry, about that, but I cannot rewrite it anymore any better than that.
> 
> A special hello as well to @AnChow3. You read my mind, friend, and I listened and I heard you. While [When You Loved Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IyzUrK409k4&t=3488s) best suits Chapter 1, the very last scene of this current chapter, the phone call, is, I believe, best read with [Through My Veins](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IyzUrK409k4&t=2862s) playing in the background.
> 
> I really, really want to get Chapter 24 out before the year ends (mostly because I want to get Chapter 25 out already, I'm so in love with the plot). I am not promising anything, but I will really try. Because we have to end the year on a good note. :)
> 
> BUT, if I don't get the next chapter out before the year ends, I should be able to post a good ol' canon-compliant, Pepperony fic, the one I've been working on the side lately. ❤
> 
> Yell at me at the comments section. Or, you know, on twitter @PottsStark89. Happy Holidays! ❤


	24. Forty-two Candles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We've never worked out how to be together without making each other feel a bit shit and I want to find a way to not do that. You've got to stop being angry with me and I've got to stop giving you reasons to be." —Duncan Macmillan, Lungs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- The first flashback happens directly after Chapter 7 (Run Away with Me), it picks up immediately after Pepper accepts Killian's proposal on New Year's Eve.  
> \- The second flashback picks up after the flashback from 11 years ago in Chapter 18 (The Steps of The Met), specifically the part where Tony and Peter move back to the Manhattan mansion after the divorce.
> 
> Anyway, I think those are all the author's notes needed. Enjoy this ~17K+ update!
> 
> **Oh, and you'll want to read this chapter ASAP. Trust me.**

**Present day, mid-May, Manhattan NY:**

Pepper shifted uncomfortably as she lay in bed that night, or more accurately early morning. She squeezed her eyes shut as she desperately clung to the sleep she so very much needed after a long week of board meetings and budget hearings, although at this point she really could not see the point of even trying. She was almost fully awake by now, the quiet slumber was definitely a thing of the past even as she still refused to open her eyes. She even clutched her stomach and rubbed it reassuringly, as if the gesture itself could somehow persuade Morgan to maybe consider reserving the fetal kicks for later in the day, for when Pepper was actually up and about and not when she was actively trying to catch up on some very precious shuteye.

“You okay, Pepper?”

She could feel Tony moving to lie on his left side before placing his hand above her own, guiding hers as they stroke soothing circles on her still barely showing bump. She was only on her eighteenth week and yet the baby seemed to have already picked up some traits from both Peter and Tony, already being as fidgety as its brother and as impeccable in timing as its father. Still, Pepper wasn’t really complaining. If anything, the kicks assured her that everything was okay, and after what happened with Andros, she could really use the reassurance, more than the usual.

“I’m fine. Morgan’s just really kicking a lot,” she murmured, refusing to open her eyes even as sleep had been totally elusive by now. “It’s a good thing, although I’d really like to get some sleep.”

“Why is this already happening anyway?” He nuzzled her neck and it soothed her a bit, although the baby seemed to be so decided to keep Pepper awake no matter what, for some reason. “I thought we won’t be expecting the kicks for at least two more weeks?”

“First time mothers often start feeling them at twenty weeks, but sometimes it can be as early as eighteen weeks for the succeeding pregnancies.”

“Hmm… Sometimes I still forget that you’ve been pregnant before.”

Pepper’s eyes immediately shot open, every single tinge of sleep remaining effectively vanished at that moment. Something was very wrong with that statement, something was amiss because Tony could not have possibly forgotten about their firstborn even if just for a second. Tony couldn’t even forgive himself so it just didn’t make sense that he would forget… he just wouldn’t _allow_ himself.

She turned her head to the side so that she could study Tony’s face, but she was so surprised when blue eyes instead of brown were staring back at her…

“Aldrich!” Pepper gasped, jolting herself awake and automatically reaching for the bedside lamp as she took in the familiar surroundings of her bedroom.

She was all alone. It was just a dream, a nightmare.

It had been almost six weeks since she left Malibu without Tony and four weeks since she was discharged from the hospital following the miscarriage scare they had. That was also the last time that she saw him, he had refrained from going to SI since and Pepper could only hope that it was because he was giving her the space she had asked him for.

Still, he regularly called, checking on her and on the baby and on Peter every chance that he could get, and while the calls consisted of mostly pleasantries and updates, Pepper could always sense Tony’s hesitation whenever it was time for him to let go, to hang up. That had been their pattern for four weeks now, and even if Tony had insisted that she could call him anytime, for anything that she wanted or needed, she had never really taken him up on the offer.

To tell the truth, she still didn’t want to be the one making the call, but the nightmare bothered her so much that she needed to hear Tony’s voice… if only to hear him fuss with concern about this baby, _their_ baby.

Pepper glanced at the clock on her bedside table and noting that it was almost three in the morning, she sent him a message instead of directly calling, her concern for him eventually winning against her own anxiety. She did not want to wake him up in case he was asleep because sleep, after all, so rarely happened to Tony. She couldn’t find it in her heart to pry him from slumber should that be the case.

So she waited instead, staring at the ceiling as she took deep breaths in an attempt to calm her nerves. She tried to find comfort in imagining those dark brown eyes that had always made her feel safe, while clutching her stomach and thinking that maybe the baby’s first kicks could distract her from the anxiety that the nightmare brought but at eighteen weeks, there was none yet.

Pepper took a deep, steadying breath and closed her eyes. Tony would call, or Morgan would start kicking. Either way, one of those two would save her tonight. She was sure of it.

\---- --- ----

> _02:58 am: “Tony… Are you still up?”_

Tony was just about to call it a night, already shutting down the monitors and locking the workshop, when he got Pepper’s message. He frowned at it, wondering why she didn’t just call directly instead, she very well knew that she could reach him anytime, always. Still, he couldn’t help but worry as he pressed call and waited for her to pick up. She had never really initiated a conversation in the six weeks that they had been apart, and that she was doing it now could only mean that something must be seriously wrong.

He could feel his heart clenching and his fingers trembling just at the thought.

“Tony?”

She sounded anxious but not as if she was in any pain. He wondered what could’ve happened but he was not about to ambush her right now for an explanation. He reminded himself that he was starting to learn, to change, and he decided that he would just listen to what she was willing to tell him… and do what he could to make her feel safe.

“Pep? Honey, is everything okay?”

“You weren’t sleeping?”

Tony scratched the back of his head as he made his way up the stairs and into Morgan’s nursery. _Busted_ , he thought. “I was just about to… I’m climbing the stairs as we speak.”

He didn’t really need to tell her that he had been sleeping on the couch in Morgan’s nursery for a month now and she didn’t need to know that he had not really stepped inside their bedroom since except when he needed to retrieve some clothes or shoes. He just really missed her, so much that it hurt.

“Were you working?”

Surprisingly, there was not even a hint of disapproval in her voice, just… concern. That felt very comforting, and he could really use some consolation especially in the last month.

“Just tinkering with the cars… Sleep has been elusive.” _Lately,_ he would have added, but he really didn’t need to be caught that he was overexerting himself once more, and she didn’t need the worry. “Is everything okay, Hon? You sound restless.”

“I’m fine, the baby’s fine. It was just a bad dream.”

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

He mentally high-fived himself for asking that question instead of the more demanding, more entitled, ‘ _What happened?’_

_Yep, that’s very much exactly what old me would say._

He could almost picture her hesitating, second-guessing herself on whether she should have asked him to call or not but they both knew it was too late for that now. So he waited patiently, because the last thing she needed was Tony badgering her to tell him everything.

“Aldrich was there… in the dream,” Pepper whispered uncertainly and he suddenly understood the hesitation from earlier.

“You mean _nightmare_.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat as he tried his very best to sound neutral, kicking himself in the head for snapping almost instantaneously at the very mention of Killian.

But really, what was he thinking and who was he kidding trying to be reasonable about it earlier? He couldn’t be reasonable, he didn’t want to be, not when it came to Killian. Never.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, counting to three in his head before asking, “What did he do?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“He was actually taking good care of me and… of the baby. I thought you were him but when I turned around—” Pepper sighed and Tony wished he could hold her in his arms. “Can you talk about something else? Anything else? I’ll put you on speaker, Tony.”

“Of course,” he muttered automatically even as he realized that Pepper’s dream was actually his own nightmare as well. It had everything he had always worried about — the fear of losing her to someone else, of missing out on Morgan, of not being by her side when she needed him…

He flopped down unceremoniously on the couch, realizing now that she probably asked him to call because the dream bothered her so much, enough for her to reach out asking for his reassurance. If it was the need to know that she could rely on him this time or that he wouldn’t just bail on them or that he wouldn’t let Killian within six feet of her, he didn’t really know. All he knew was that she probably needed to hear his voice, even if she herself might not be ready to admit it out loud just yet.

_“You might not believe it, Tony, but you taught me what safe feels like…”_

He remembered her telling him that, some years ago when they were younger. And in spite of the many things that had happened since, the many mistakes that he had made, even one divorce, one kidnapping, and three kids later, somehow this phone call was basically Pepper’s way of telling him that she still felt safest with him… with no one else other than him.

The thought gave him hope that maybe this break had already really lasted longer than it should have, but it also gave him a selfish moment of enjoyment. Pepper was the strongest person he had ever met and yet she _needed_ him, and the surge of pride, albeit just a little bit, that came with that knowledge was almost enough to reassure him that things would be okay, that _they_ would be alright, eventually.

_Hopefully, soon._

He grabbed her pillow, clutching it close to his chest while he absentmindedly gazed at Morgan’s crib, and began telling her about his day — that he was working on baby-proofing not just the nursery but the rest of the house, how he had been obsessing on perfecting that baby monitor that he was going to install in the nursery in the coming days, how he had compiled a list of baby furniture that he wanted her to take a look at so he could have the ones she liked shipped at the soonest possible time…

He told her all those things, everything under the assumption that she would be back home, with him, by the time the baby arrived, because if she still wasn’t… Tony did not even want to entertain the thought.

He knew she was finally asleep by the time he was telling her about his plan to install a car seat in the Ferrari — “And Pep, I’m talking about the California, not the Scaglietti,” — when he didn’t even hear her protesting the idea. He smiled at the thought, realizing that she had fallen asleep to his voice, to his ramblings even.

He then took the opportunity to tell her the things that he had been aching to say since Malibu, things that she wouldn’t let him tell her ever since they had been on this ridiculous break. Things such as how he missed her, how he missed waking up beside her and ending the day with her in his arms, and that hopefully, soon, she would come home and they could be a family again. And eventually, even if he didn’t want to, he ended the call, but not before telling her how much he truly loved her.

He sat there for a good long while, watching the Milky Way that was projected in the dome screen, when a thought occurred to him. He took out his phone and sent a quick message to Coulson, his PI.

> _4:25 am: Keep an eye on Killian. Let me know if there’s anything out of the ordinary.  
>  4:26 am: Copy, Mr. Stark. I’ll keep you posted._

As soon as he received Coulson’s reply, a small voice at the back of his head warned him that in some ways, this was no different from what Killian did in putting together Pepper’s file, but he shrugged the thought off as soon as it occurred to him. There was just something really off that he couldn’t quite put his finger on after talking to Pepper tonight, and before he could further second-guess what he just did, he convinced himself that while he trusted Pepper, Killian was a different story. Killian was never without an agenda after all.

* * *

**Five months ago, January 1, Manhattan NY:**

“Hey, how long have you been sitting there?”

Pepper did not tear her eyes away from the view of the Manhattan skyline, the Stark Tower standing proudly among the rest of the skyscrapers as sunlight started spilling in between them. She had been sitting by the window in Aldrich’s apartment for a while now, just waiting for the sun to rise on what would not only be a brand new year but a new beginning as well, one that she was certain she wasn’t really quite ready for.

Still, she had made her choice. She could even imagine Tony sneering at her once news of the engagement came out, telling her that she had made her bed. And she did lie on it, even if she very much tried to ignore the harsh reality that Aldrich was right there beside her when she did.

The thought made her want to scream and cry and bolt… but she didn’t, she couldn’t.

She pulled her robe closer, biting her lip and swallowing the lump in her throat as she tried to hold back the tears. She could have just as easily run away with Tony the night before, he was, after all, willing to spirit her away and protect her at all cost. Instead, she chose to break his heart, and hers, too, in the far more merciful way she knew how — she accepted Aldrich’s proposal.

She believed it would be kinder to marry someone else, to choose someone else, rather than tell Tony the truth about the baby they had and had lost many, many years ago. That and the fact that she was so certain Tony would never look at her again if he ever found out about the things she had kept from him.

It was just that Tony couldn’t know and choosing him entailed telling him the truth. She couldn’t do that, not after she had seen firsthand how Tony loved Peter so much that she could only imagine how heartbreaking it would be once he found out about the other kid. She thought the far kinder alternative would be to keep him in the dark than allow him to go through the pain that she went through, that she had been going through until now.

There was no denying the fact that she loved Tony, even after all these years, but she also knew Tony could survive without her. He already did for fifteen years after all, but she wasn’t sure if he could live with the knowledge of that horrible, cruel loss. And if the only way to shield him from this immeasurable grief would be at the expense of her own happiness, Pepper decided she would gladly do penance.

So in the end, she knew she would have to let him go in order to protect him and maybe, just maybe, he would finally let her go as well once she gave herself to someone else.

“I’m just watching the sun come up,” she murmured pensively, her gaze never leaving the tower that was once a witness to the happiest years of her life.

“Come back to bed,” Aldrich suggested and Pepper closed her eyes as she tried to shake off that gnawing feeling she got whenever she was with him.

It wasn’t like this when they first met, they were happy then, at least whatever happy meant for her back then. But ever since she moved back to New York, things had most certainly changed. Every time Aldrich would kiss her or touch her or hold her, she felt guilty, dirty even, as if she was cheating on Tony.

She knew that she wasn’t. Still, that was how it felt for her.

Aldrich, too, was different. He seemed to be staking his claim and proving his worth since the Firefighter’s Benefit, constantly reminding her at every opportunity that she was his after he saw that kiss she shared with Tony. She couldn’t really blame him, she knew that he knew that she still wasn’t all in despite the engagement and even more so now than when they were in Los Angeles. She could tell that he knew about her reservations, and as much as Pepper was aware that she had to do something to quell Aldrich’s insecurity, she was not feeling inclined to do anything about it at the moment.

Admittedly, she saw all those red flags — why accepting Aldrich’s proposal was probably a mistake and why she should’ve run away with Tony when she had the chance, but she ignored that _not_ small voice in her head. She reminded herself, she was doing this for Tony, for both her and Tony actually.

_You’ve made your bed, now what?_

She did _want_ to want Aldrich, but teaching herself to love, or simply want, someone was a bit more difficult if that someone wasn’t exactly around. He did promise her that he really would try to realign his priorities, to be more present, but as she tried to imagine how their future would look like, she realized it did not seem any different from how things were right now.

“How long before you have to go?” she asked instead, her back still towards him.

It was New Year's Day and they just got engaged the night before, but for all of Aldrich’s efforts to constantly remind her that Tony took her for granted, he was, too, in some ways. Case in point.

“Oh, I have time.”

“How long?”

“Long enough.” Aldrich parried the question but when she finally turned to look at him and raised her eyebrows at him unrelentingly, he yielded, sighing as he leaned back against the headboard. “I have a flight out at noon. _Don’t_ do the math, Pepper.”

“Someone has to.”

She watched as he got out of the bed and threw his robe around him, before walking up to her looking all concerned. The sight only made her feel guiltier. Aldrich shouldn’t be _this_ thoughtful, it would’ve been easier had he been uncaring.

“Pepper, what’s wrong?” he asked as he took her hand in his, kissing her knuckles and the diamond ring he had given her the night before. “Why is this an issue now? You’re busy and I’m busy, and you’ve always been okay with this, that we live independent lives. In fact, _you_ wanted this.”

_But don’t leave me alone, don’t trust me that much… not when Tony’s just right there…_

“Not anymore, not now that we’re engaged,” was what she told him instead.

He caught her gaze while his hands landed on her hips, pulling her closer to him. A sly smile crossed his features and Pepper knew just exactly what he was about to say next.

“You know what will keep me in one place,” he murmured, not allowing her to look away. “You’ve known for years.”

“Aldrich…”

“So are you ready to give me what I want? Are you ready to have a baby with me?”

It was never in the cards, at least not for Pepper, not anymore, not after what happened with Andros. And Aldrich… Aldrich just wasn’t the guy that could change her mind about it.

Her silence probably spoke volumes because when she didn’t answer, he simply kissed her cheek, smiled sadly and shifted gears. “Okay, so there’s this great breakfast place which I’m sure you’ll love and—”

“Aldrich, let’s have the wedding in two weeks.”

She could literally see his face morphed into an almost wicked triumph at what he had just heard, although she was certain that Aldrich, being the person that he was, was never really one without suspicion.

“What’s the rush? I mean, it’s fine with me, perfect actually, but what’s the rush?”

She bit her lip, and Pepper knew that she couldn’t really lie to save her life but she really couldn’t tell him why either.

_The rush is because I’m afraid Tony could change my mind.*_

“No reason.” She faked a smile, although she was aware she was not really fooling anyone. “I just want it soon. It’s better that way.”

“Sure, anything you want.”

“Let’s go, breakfast sounds good.”

“Hey…” Aldrich grabbed her arm as she stepped away in the direction of the walk-in closet, hoping just to get some space. “Pepper, is there something you wanna tell me?”

She shook her head no as she reminded herself that, again, she was doing this for Tony.

“Come on, Aldrich. You have a flight to catch.”

* * *

**Present day, Manhattan NY:**

Pepper sipped her tea quietly as she tried to ignore the conspicuous glances from people passing by Amsterdam Avenue. She was sitting at a corner table beside the French windows in the very same place she went to with Aldrich the morning after their engagement, but there was really nothing sentimental about the choice of venue. She needed a discreet place, one that was far enough from the east side but just as affluent that they wouldn’t stand out noticeably from the crowd.

She was wearing her hair in a low ponytail, the dark tint sunglasses perfectly complemented the black blazer, oatmeal top, and white trousers she was wearing, while her large black Antigona bag sat on her lap effectively obscuring her stomach from view. She was starting to show, but the bump was still small enough that she could still fit in her usual workwear and hide it by carrying around big designer satchels. Nevertheless, it pays to be cautious, there was no such thing as being too careful after all.

She had not told Tony about this meeting, not because she was trying to hide anything but because she knew exactly how he would react, that and the fact that they really weren’t seeing eye to eye these days. It was a miracle enough that Pepper managed to get Tony’s lawyers to drop the restraining order filed against her former fiancé, so she knew that hoping that Tony wouldn’t be furious about this meeting would actually be pushing her luck already. On that note, she reminded herself to also check on Happy afterwards, Tony would surely chew the man out as soon as he realized that his head of security lost sight of her even if just for a moment. Already, she felt bad for Happy but she figured she would simply deal with that later.

“I’m surprised that you asked me here,” Aldrich greeted her as he took the chair opposite hers. “I’m even more surprised that you got Tony to drop the TRO. He really will do anything for you, won’t he? I totally get it, by the way, why he can never refuse you. I never could either.”

“I’m just surprised you’re available,” she countered, and if there was more bite in her tone than what was originally intended, Pepper really couldn’t care less. She knew Aldrich got the message anyway, even if she didn’t mean to send it out in the first place.

“I’ll drop everything for you. You _know_ that.” Aldrich gave her that sly smile she was so familiar with and when she didn’t say anything, he went on, pushing. “Trouble in paradise, Pepper? Tony hasn’t forgiven you?”

“Tony and I are okay, and he did… forgive me.” Pepper could only hope that she looked and sounded just as persuading as she wanted to be. That, and she hoped she was right.

“You seem so sure, although according to news—”

“That’s really none of your concern.”

“Then why am I here? What’s so pressing that’s enough for you to drop the TRO, so important that you don’t mind being seen with me, out here in public?” He smirked and Pepper was tempted to leave at that very moment. “He doesn’t know you’re meeting me, does he? I’d pay good money just to see Tony’s reaction once he gets wind of this meeting of ours.”

She studied Aldrich, and even beneath the heavy tint of her sunglasses, there was just no way that she would not catch that very smug look on his face. She hated that look so much.

“What I do mind is being alone in a room with you, hence the outdoor tables,” she muttered under her breath although she knew he heard her anyway, not that she really cared if he did.

Aldrich simply grinned at her, amused. “You’re not worried at all that Tony will find out about this… clandestine meeting?”

“I have nothing to hide, Aldrich.”

“But it’s optics, love.” He raised a hand, ordering his own drink before continuing. “You may have nothing to hide, but Tony will see what he wants to see, believe what he wants to believe.”

“You don’t know Tony,” she refuted, hating the fact that a part of her wondered if Aldrich was right… to some extent.

“I know he’s a jealous man, always has been, always will be.” His drink arrived and he took a sip, eyeing her knowingly behind his glass. “Why are we here, Pepper?”

She took a deep breath, part of her already regretting her decision to talk to Aldrich in person. She knew she shouldn’t be doing this, but she was banking on the idea that she still meant enough to Aldrich that he would give in to what she wanted if he could only see how she truly felt.

He must have loved her at some point, right? Enough for him to finally let her go, be happy?

“I’m here to call you out on a lot of things,” she told him, removing her sunglasses as she spoke. “I’m here to tell you that I want you to leave me and mine alone, for good.”

“What are you saying?”

“I really don’t appreciate you sending the flowers…” Of course she knew about the flowers, even the ones that her assistant hid from her most likely on Tony’s orders. “Or the note last time, anybody could have read that and—”

“I was apologizing—”

“Were you really? Because it seems to me that you’ve been trying to leak my… condition to the press.”

“It’s bound to come out at some point, Pepper.”

“That’s not the point,” she eyed him sternly. “It’s not your news to share and I’m not ready to tell the world, not until I’m sure that everything is okay, not until the baby’s actually here and… After what happened the last time, I’m just…”

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to apologize, that’s all the note’s about, no other motive.” He looked contrite, but she was not buying it. There was just no way that she would. “You know, the kid told me the exact same thing earlier today.”

“Peter?”

Aldrich simply took another sip of his drink, acting so nonchalantly as if they talked about Peter on a regular basis, as if they talked about _anything_ at all, ever.

“Yeah, I gave a talk on bio-tech at his school today, that’s a smart kid you’ve got there. Very determined, too, considering he sought me out after the lecture just to confront me about the flowers.”

Pepper pursed her lips, unamused. She could handle Aldrich, but she didn’t like the fact that he kept running across the kid, no matter how coincidental it might seem.

“Aldrich…” she half-demanded, half-pleaded. “This is the more important reason why I met you here today. Stay away from Peter. Don’t drag him in any of this, the kid is innocent.”

“Come on, Pepper. You make me sound like I’m a villain.” He leaned back on his chair while he crossed his arms in front of him. He looked very pleased, and it annoyed Pepper to the core. “And why do you even like the kid? Doesn’t it bother you? Aren’t you reminded of Tony’s wild and reckless past every time you see the boy? How he was so unfaithful… to you?”

That hit a nerve, it was the truth so of course it did.

There was a time in Pepper’s life when that was all she could think about — how Peter was the walking, breathing reminder of Tony’s infidelity, how the kid would surely make her feel how unfair life really was when she lost Andros, how Tony chose someone else over her because of him… Moving back to New York, that was what she was bracing for, but all that changed when she finally met the boy.

As much as she was prepared to hate the kid, she just couldn’t. It was true, not a single day passed by that Andros did not cross her mind at the mere sight of Peter but she had learned to deal with it, to even be thankful for it. Peter, to her, kept the memory of her own darling boy alive, and if Tony would ask her if she could love another woman’s child, she knew what her answer would be. It might be different from what she would have answered fifteen years ago, but it didn’t really matter now, did it?

Still, she didn’t feel the need to explain herself to Aldrich. She didn’t want to either.

She tilted her chin instead and met his gaze, challenging him to tell the truth. “What’s your angle, Aldrich?”

“I know you and Tony broke up, or are fighting at the very least,” he stated matter-of-factly as he smiled slyly at her. “Or are you going to deny it, claim the news is wrong?”

“True or not, I don’t really see how that’s your business.”

“It’s my business because I want you back.” He reached out to grasp her hand but she withdrew it instantaneously, and he merely shrugged off the rejection. “And I’m going to win you back.”

“You’re crazy to even think that.” Pepper shook her head unbelievingly. “Why would you even think for a second that I’ll go back to you? Let me remind you, I’m pregnant… with Tony’s child.”

“I really don’t care about those details anymore.”

“But you have to, and you should. Because I love Tony and nothing is going to—”

“Pepper, don’t you remember LA? We were so good together.”

“That’s it, Aldrich, we _were._ ”

Pepper could see that the emphasis on that last word only served to pique Aldrich’s temper. She would have left right there and then but his gaze, somehow, held her in place.

They never really had _the_ talk and she knew she owed him this conversation. He deserved this closure after she stood him up at the wedding, in spite of and despite everything. She really should be leaving now, but she wanted to end everything, once and for all.

“I loved you, Pepper. I still do. But did you even love me? You couldn’t even say it out loud, can you?” He reached out to firmly grasp her wrist and she found herself sitting so still, clutching her purse as if she was preparing to bolt any second now. “Two years ago, I asked you, _begged_ you to tell me that you’re really done with Tony, but you couldn’t even do that. You never answered me directly, you kept avoiding the conversation and—”

“It never really ended, me and Tony, it never really ended…” She found herself telling him the truth because he deserved to know, because she knew that she wasn’t entirely blameless in all this, because she was hoping that he would finally let her go, leave her be. “And I jumped at the chance to be with you because you made me feel something but—”

“It wasn’t love,” he finished for her, bitterly.

She shook her head no, she couldn’t find it in her heart to say it out loud. “You made me feel normal, almost like my old self again—”

“But it wasn’t enough.”

“It wasn’t enough.” She gently pulled away from his grasp and stood up, preparing to leave. “You were always this… possibility for me. But it doesn’t feel right, it never did, and I’m so, _so_ sorry.”

“It was so easy for me to get you to say yes when Tony has been asking you for years,” he muttered, smiling sarcastically as he did so. He then stood up and locked eyes with her, and in that moment Pepper knew there was no way Aldrich would ever leave her be. “So don’t even think for a second that I will let you go.”

Pepper knew a threat when she saw one and she wished in that moment that Tony was right there beside her, close to her.

“Stay away from Peter, stay away from me,” she warned him before trying to walk away as fast as she could.

Aldrich, however, was quicker than her. He grabbed her arm and pulled her close to him, close enough that he could whisper, “You know I can’t promise that,” menacingly to her ear. He then kissed her on the cheek, catching her off-guard and rendering her too surprised to even react. He was gone before she knew it.

Her first thought was to call Tony but she stopped herself at the very last minute. She knew Tony would most likely be furious at her for dropping the TRO against Aldrich, never mind the fact that she could actually handle her ex-fiancé. She didn’t need Tony’s anger right now, what she needed was to go home and talk to Peter. She had to know what happened at his school and she had to remind Peter never, ever to cross paths with Aldrich again.

Pepper sighed frustratingly as she put her glasses back on. Sometimes she really couldn’t help but wonder what was it (she thought) she saw in Aldrich.

* * *

**11 years ago, Manhattan NY:**

“What are you doing?” Rhodes asked while Tony was busily rearranging Peter’s room in the old Manhattan mansion. “I thought you hired decorators just last week?”

“I did, but now the kid couldn’t sleep so I figured I’ll recreate his room at the Long Island house.” Tony stepped back to survey his work, putting his hands on his hips as he tried to recall the details of Peter’s old room. He had brought all of the kid’s stuff to Manhattan and all that was left for him to do was arrange it in exactly the same way as the old room. “Do you remember if the lamp** goes on the right side or the left side of the bed?”

“Tones, buddy, what’s going on?”

Tony glanced at his best friend while he tried to decide if it would be easier to just tell the truth or avoid the conversation at all. He decided it would probably be easier if he simply came clean because Rhodes had his no nonsense, no bullshit face on.

“I just want to make things, the divorce, easier for Pete,” he muttered as he picked up the holographic lamp after realizing that it really should be on the left side of the bed. “I’m just trying to give him some sense of normalcy.”

“He’s still asking for Mary?”

“Almost every night.”

“It’s only been a week, Tones.”

“I know, but I’m not going to let the kid lose sleep over it.”

“Tones…” Rhodes’ tone made him stop for a minute. It was his I’m-your-best-friend-but-it-doesn’t-mean-I’m-also-your-enabler tone. “Mary’s still his mom.”

“I know, but she wasn’t supposed to be it in the first place,” he blurted out before he could even stop himself. “It was supposed to be Pepper. It was always supposed to be Pepper.” God, he really was on a roll.

“Tony, hey.”

Tony glanced up, all traces of humor and pretending wiped away from his face. He felt defeated and exhausted and he really had very little energy left to try to joke his way out of it as was his usual modus operandi. He sighed tiredly as he collapsed on Peter’s bed, staring up at the ceiling because he knew he wouldn’t be able to take it if he was to see the look on his best friend’s face.

“I love Peter, so much that I’ll do anything, _anything,_ for the kid,” he murmured, not taking his eyes away from the ceiling. “But sometimes… I still wonder what if Pepper’s here? If letting her go was the right thing to do, then why do I still feel miserable after all these years?”

“Because you still love her.”

It was said so matter-of-factly that Tony found himself suddenly sitting upright and studying his best friend closely. Ordinarily, Rhodes would call him out for it — telling him that he was emotionally cheating on Mary, that he made this choice and that Mary never forced him into this marriage, that he was the one who wanted to try to make things work — but the airman wasn’t doing any of that.

Rhodes was actually acknowledging the truth, the very same truth that he would always choose not to comment on whenever Tony would go on and on about it. So what changed?

_Could it be? Had Rhodes seen her? Is he finally going to admit that he has been keeping Pepper from me? Maybe?_

Tony had entertained the thought one too many times, that Rhodes could have possibly seen Pepper in California but his best friend decided to keep things quiet most likely at Pepper’s request. It was one of the last few hopes that he held on to, an idea that allowed him to revel in the satisfaction of knowing that Pepper could still be keeping tabs on him… that she was still interested in what was happening in his life, even after all these years.

It could be, after all, a sign that she still cared… somehow.

He knew the odds of that being the case were probably overwhelmingly against him, but a guy could dream, right?

“In the last four years, have you never really chanced upon Pepper in LA?” He tried his best to sound more curious than accusatory but he knew that Rhodes wasn’t exactly stupid either. “I mean, not even just once?”

“LA is a big place, Tones,” Rhodes answered him flatly, his eyes never wavering, although it also caught Tony’s interest that the airman did not seem surprised at the sudden change in topic.

“Yeah, but I just find it weird and so unlucky that you never saw her after all these years. I mean, when you’re not at the base, you’re in Santa Monica.” Tony narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing his best friend for the faintest hand tremor, a single sweat, the slightest twitch of his lips… anything that could give him away. “So never? Not even once?”

“Tones, I’d tell you where to find her, if only I could.”

Tony had known Rhodes for more than half of his life that as much as he hated to admit it, he knew his best friend wasn’t _exactly_ lying.

_“LA is a big place…”_

_“I’d tell you where to find her, if only I could…”_

Technically, those weren’t lies, because Rhodes never really answered any of his queries directly. So what was it that he was not telling him? Tony was just about to call him out on it when—

“Dada…” It was three year-old Peter, brown eyes exactly like Tony’s gazing in wonder as he walked into the room he once thought only existed back in their Long Island home. “Wacha do? This my woom!”

The squeal and the excitement from Peter was enough for Tony to let go of his own suspicions for now, his undivided attention focused on the little boy in his arms. He hugged the boy close to his chest and he could feel Rhodes tapping him on the shoulder, as if telling him that he did a wonderful job. He decided to let go of his questions for now, because really, why would Rhodes keep things from him?

_Right? Right._

“Dada,” Peter pulled away, those puppy eyes growing so concerned that it effectively distracted Tony from his own thoughts. Peter looked really worried that Tony wondered what detail about the room he could have possibly missed. “Holo lamp, wong.”

“That’s not wrong, that’s the same holo lamp from your old room,” he coaxed the boy, ruffling the kid’s hair while he was at it.

“No, holo lamp wong. It’s wight.”

“Yeah, it’s the right one.”

“No! It’s wight!” Peter was now impatiently pointing at the right side of the bed and then finally it dawned on Tony what exactly Peter was trying to say. “It’s wight!”

“I got it, okay? I got it.” Tony picked up the lamp and carried it over to the other side of the bed while Peter looked on worriedly. “There, better?”

Peter nodded and the twinkle in those huge brown eyes… Tony knew, he would do anything to make sure he would see those over and over again.

“The lamp goes on the right side, got it.” He switched the lamp on and selected the R2D2 projection before pulling the kid in for another hug. “You did good, Pete. Promise me you’ll always tell Daddy if I’m doing something wrong? Promise me you’ll always point me in the right direction?”

He didn’t really know why he was asking and he really didn’t care if Peter even understood him, but Tony was certain that he meant it... and it meant so much, so much more than a simple baby talk.

“I pwomise.”

* * *

**Present day, Manhattan NY:**

“You know that lamp goes on the right side of the bed, right?” Peter asked tiredly because the last thing he needed right now was going home, and by home he meant Pepper’s apartment, only to find his father trying to replicate his bedroom (for some reason) from back home, the one in 74th street. “Did you buy a new holographic Star Wars lamp? Because I can tell that’s not the same one.”

“Of course it’s a different one, kid. I’m not moving the original from your bedroom back home.” Peter watched quietly as his father moved to transfer said lamp to the right side of the bed. “We both know this living arrangement is only temporary.”

“Is it?” Peter muttered under his breath as he deposited his school bag on the study table situated at the other side of the room. He knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on his homework, not with his father arranging and rearranging his room, but he could really use the distraction. It had been a _very_ long day already after all.

His day actually started off uneventfully — Pepper made him breakfast, Happy dropped him off to school, and he nailed that physics test he wasn’t even aware was on the schedule. Still, he should’ve known that exam was the very first sign (at least for that day) that Peter had really been too distracted lately. Not only was he unaware about that test, he also had not realized that today was actually Aldrich Killian’s invitational lecture on bio-technology.

Now, Peter was never really the type who would skip lectures or cut classes just because he didn’t like the guest lecturer but had he known what was on the docket, for Killian he was just about ready to make an exception.

That and the fact that he really was more of a physics guy anyway… or at least, that was what he claimed to be. Plus, that excuse sounded really cool in his head.

But since he was so distracted because of their father-son quarrels lately, he had no idea that today was _the_ day, and before he knew it, he was already forced to sit through the longest two hours of his life, listening to Killian drone on and on about his think tank.

 _This guy is so full of himself. Just really, what did Pepper see in him,_ he thought as he sat at the back row while he anxiously waited for the lecture to finish.

Peter was impatiently drumming his fingers on his thigh by the time Killian wrapped up his lecture and that was when the thought, admittedly a very impulsive one, occurred to him. He had never really liked the guy that much and Peter did not need to hear his father’s opinion of Killian just to have that sentiment, he pretty much arrived at the opinion on his own. During his only personal encounter with the man, Peter was convinced that Killian had purposely let slip the truth about his brother in the hopes of causing friction within the Stark household and he very much hated how Killian had succeeded in doing exactly just that.

Unfortunately, and annoyingly, it did not stop at that. Peter found it irritating that Killian kept pursuing Pepper even if she had already told him no on more than one occasion. He had seen the flowers Killian kept sending her and yes, he saw the one that Pepper actually received just a few weeks ago and also the ones (yes, plural) that never made it past Bambi (he was so sure his dad was behind it). He also knew about the ‘business meetings’ (yes, with quotation marks) that AIM tried to set up with Pepper, which, thankfully, she politely and repeatedly declined.

Peter knew Killian wanted Pepper still, so much so that it wouldn’t be entirely a stretch to say that Killian was probably willing to ignore the fact that Pepper’s pregnant… with Tony Stark’s child.

 _What an asshole,_ Peter concluded as he watched Killian step off the podium.

The next thing that Peter did, admittedly, he knew he did for three reasons. One, all these fights with his father and all he really wanted and needed was to vent, someone to blame, and Killian happened to be very convenient (and rightfully so). Two, he did it for and because of Pepper, because even if he was very much furious at his father still, Peter was and would always be Team Stark, no matter what. Lastly, he did it for his brother, because he knew he should not have known about Andros through Killian, it was such an injustice that Killian took away his dad’s chance to tell him about his own brother (fine, his father procrastinated about it, but still).

And so, before MJ could even realize what he was doing, he had marched up to Killian to give him a piece of his mind.

“I really don’t appreciate you sending flowers to my mo— to Pepper,” he stuttered and he wanted to kick himself for it.

“What’s the harm, kid?” Killian looked so smug and Peter almost rolled his eyes. “Last time I checked, she’s not even engaged.”

“You know that she’s—”

“She’s what?”

Peter clenched his jaw in frustration. Not only did he almost announce to Midtown’s entire student body that Pepper’s expecting, but Killian also almost tricked him in the process… again. God, he hated this guy with a passion, he could actually understand now where his dad was coming from.

He shook his head, not really knowing what else to say. “Just stay the hell away from her.”

Peter walked out before he could say anything more, and he was so very much looking forward to just going home and collapsing in his bed to drown out his thoughts. But no, he came home instead to the sight of his father rearranging his room (or Pepper’s guest room, actually) for some reason that Peter wasn’t even sure if he wanted to fathom.

He was just so, _so_ tired.

“What are you doing, Dad?” Peter asked when he couldn’t pretend to focus on his homework anymore. “Does Pepper know you’re here? Because _you_ being here defeats the point of Pepper asking for space. Well, that and I’m still mad at you.”

“I know you sent Happy to get some of your stuff from the house,” his father answered him patiently, not taking the bait. “Deny it all you want, but I know you still can’t sleep without that lamp at your bedside, so I’m replicating your room… just like I did when we moved back to Manhattan after the divorce.”

Peter tossed his pen at the study table, shoved his hands in his pockets, and bit the inside of his cheek as he tried to keep a level head. He was still angry, still so furious at his father but he had to admit, the gesture was unexpected and thoughtful that it caught him off-guard, it almost made him want to hug the man. He missed his dad so much, but he wasn’t about to give his father the satisfaction of knowing that… not yet.

“You really didn’t need to do that,” Peter tried not to sound so forgiving. He really tried.

“Well, it’s not exactly a new lamp,” his dad answered nonchalantly, and Peter couldn’t help but wonder when did he get so… zen. “Apparently, that’s a limited edition, hard to find nowadays. Happy had to bribe someone.”

“And again, you didn’t have to do that.”

“Well, you wouldn’t want to strip your room of everything, right?” His father finally met his gaze and Peter couldn’t help but feel chastised. “You’re still coming home… eventually.”

“You sound so sure.”

“Because if Pepper doesn’t come home anytime soon, the latest she probably would will be when Morgan’s born. And don’t tell me you won’t come home even after your sibling is born.”

Peter clenched his jaw before smiling sadly. He couldn’t believe his ears, just when he thought that maybe his father was starting to learn after all… He shook his head, clearly disappointed.

“So Morgan is your insurance? Bravo, Dad. You just missed the point of everything that has happened in the past six weeks. Again.”

“Pete, that’s not what I—”

“Pepper is leaving for LA.” Peter interrupted and to tell the truth, he broke the news partly because he wanted to rile his father up, and the look of surprise on his father’s face was enough to let him know it worked.

“When? For how long? Why is this the first time I’m hearing about this?”

“It’s not really my fault that she hasn’t told you. Anyway, I just want to let you know that I’m going with her.”

“No, you’re not.”

Peter crossed his arms in front of him as he tried to process what he had just heard. In spite of the Stark name and his father being, well, his usual self, Peter didn’t really grow up spoiled but he very rarely heard his dad tell him a flat out no either.

“Dad, I’m not asking for your permission.”

“And it doesn’t change the fact that I said no. You’re still _my_ kid, remember that,” his father argued, which was, as luck would have it, the precise moment when Pepper arrived and walked into the room.

She was evidently so upset when she took off her sunglasses, clutching her purse a bit tighter than necessary, and clearly having heard what his father had just said. The way that he emphasized Peter being _his_ son was clearly not lost on her and Peter could only sigh resignedly while his dad grappled for the right words to rectify the mistake. “Pep, you know that I only meant— Anyway, you’re going to LA?”

“It’ll be just for a few days,” she quietly answered before stepping out of Peter’s room and leaving the two boys alone once more.

The silence between the two stretched uncomfortably, but even if Peter knew that his father was frustrated at what happened, he just really wanted his dad to realize a few things, for both of their sakes.

“Dad, you really should stop saying things like that,” Peter broke through the quiet, just wanting to let his father know how Pepper had been there for him, always, in the past six weeks most especially. “Telling her, whether you meant to or not, that she’s not really my mom? She _is_ , Dad. She has been in so many ways… more than I actually deserved, considering—”

“Which is why you have to stop contributing to this mess,” his father admonished and Peter really couldn’t decide whether he felt more surprised or upset that his dad was reprimanding him. “Pepper and I are slowly patching things up but you’re making things worse.”

Peter knew he wasn’t exactly blameless, but all the frustration and the anger and the hurting ever since he knew about his brother just came pouring out. For a while there, he had a moment of epiphany on why he didn’t really get any satisfaction from putting the blame on Killian earlier that day — it was because he wasn’t done, he actually wasn’t done punishing his father for it because he still couldn’t understand… He couldn’t understand how his father could do the things that he had done.

“I know I’m not blameless, but should I list in all the ways in which this mess is _your_ fault?” Peter shouted, not really caring if Pepper could hear him from the next room. He and his father were so good at _not_ talking lately that Peter couldn’t help but think that his grandfather must be so amused if only the old man could see them now. “We’re talking _now_ , Dad. We’re not shelving this again for later.”

His father simply sat on his bed, facing him quietly as if he had just finally made up his mind that yes, they could not avoid this any longer. Tony nodded once, looking completely tired and resigned.

“Sure, Pete. Go for it.”

“You bailed on them, Dad.”

“I didn’t mean to do that, and I was angry that Pepper didn’t tell me about the paternity test—”

“I did not mean _that_ time. I didn’t mean Morgan.” Peter threw his hands in the air, feeling every bit like the frustrated three year-old kid once more who couldn’t even pronounce his R’s. “You bailed on my brother when you decided on the life _you_ wanted without asking Pepper what she wanted—”

“I told you, I didn’t know we were having a kid.”

“But that’s not the point! I thought you loved her then, I thought….” Peter trailed off. He was so frustrated that he was half-crying, half-shouting and he felt so small, so young, and so guilty. “You chose to have me, Dad, _without_ thinking, without considering Pepper, and now all I could think about is that I robbed my brother of the chance to have this family!”

There… he said it, finally, at long last.

Peter couldn’t stop crying and his father stood up to reach out to him but he took a step back because he couldn’t… he just couldn’t.

“Kid… You know that’s not true.” His father watched him patiently and when Peter simply shook his head, his dad went on. “You want me to say what we both already know?”

Peter bit his lip as he tried to look away, his eyes falling on the holographic lamp as he realized that he had never felt so lost and confused until now. “Fine,” he muttered, voice breaking in between sobs.

“Kid, you have no idea who I was back then, the news and the stories you’ve heard do not even begin to scratch the surface of my depravity before I knew her. I was a mess, I was selfish and stupid and up until I met Pepper I wasn’t interested in doing the right thing for _anybody_. But she made me want to be a better man, Pete, and you have to know, she’s the love of my life, she’s essentially my salvation.” His father was looking at him and when Peter did meet his gaze, there was nothing but patience and understanding in his father’s eyes. “But you, kid, you’re the one who made me realize that I had to grow up, that it’s about time that I be responsible enough… and I thought that’s exactly what I was doing when I let her go.”

Peter shook his head as he tried to understand. He just couldn’t. “You pushed her away because you wanted what’s best for her? Why does it sound like a perfectly rehearsed excuse? Is that what you used to tell yourself every night so you could sleep?”

“I only did it because I thought that was what she needed.”

“She must have felt so betrayed, and when she lost my brother…” Peter wiped his face before running his hands through his hair, clearly at a lost. “She was all alone, Dad. She lost my brother and she was all alone, and I can perfectly understand why she didn’t tell you. Because what would be the point, why would she let you know? You made your feelings perfectly clear, you made sure that she knew that you didn’t care anymore!”

“I cared about her, I always did, even back then. I just really thought I was doing the right thing.”

“I guess doing the wrong thing for the right reasons always worked for you.”

“Well, I guess in my head that was a notch above flowers and chocolates. Because when you love someone, sometimes you have to do even the worst things.”

“By pushing her away? That is legitimately terrible advice. Remind me to never ask you for advice in the future,” Peter retorted and having decided he had had enough, he stormed out of his own room and out of the apartment.

\---- --- ----

Tony watched as Peter walked out, clearly frustrated and angry and disappointed. He wanted to run after the kid but he knew that Peter probably needed the space just as much as Pepper did. Still, he couldn’t help but think that he was also losing the boy somehow. For a while there, he honestly thought he was getting somewhere with the kid and then the next moment, they were fighting and disagreeing once more. He just really missed the kid, _his_ kid. They had not really been apart for this long before and when he thought about it, they had not really had a fight as bad as this one before either.

Having resigned himself to the fact that it would definitely take some time before Peter would ever want to talk to him again, he slowly got up and headed towards Pepper’s bedroom. He knocked once before gently pushing the door open only to find her sitting on bed and working on her laptop in an obvious attempt to keep herself busy and distracted.

“Pep? Can we talk?” He gently asked and when she didn’t look up from her computer, he went on anyway. “I’m sorry, again. What I was just trying to say back then was—”

“It’s okay, Tony. Don’t worry about it.”

He knew Pepper so well but he found himself wondering in that moment if it really was okay, if she truly believed that he didn’t mean what he said, again.

“You okay? You seemed upset even before you walked in,” he asked instead, deciding to change the subject. “Is something wrong?”

“I’m fine, _we’re_ fine.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“I know.”

She did not take her eyes away from work the entire time and with Pepper, Tony had learned to pick his battles, sometimes.

“I’m gonna go…” And when she didn’t answer, Tony knew there was no way he would get her to talk to him right now. “Call me if you need anything?”

“Okay.” She picked up her phone to make a call, and Tony couldn’t help but notice that she was carefully making sure to avoid his gaze. “Bambi, hi. Can you confirm my video conference with Tokyo? … Yes, thank you.”

He wanted to at least kiss her goodbye, but he knew a dismissal when he saw one. Tony sighed deeply as he looked at her one last time. He decided not to push, because he knew Pepper would only fight back harder and that was definitely not the definition of giving her some space. They had been apart for six weeks now, he could wait for a few more days, right?

He walked away, his heart heavy from wondering if he really could make it through a few more days without her.

\---- --- ----

**Two weeks later, May 28, Los Angeles CA:**

“Hi, baby. I brought someone, two someones actually. Peter's here, he visited you before, but we’re here because I haven’t told you about your baby sibling who your dad insists on calling Morgan.”

It had been two months since they were last here and Peter really couldn’t remember much from the last time. He couldn’t even process the name on the headstone the first time that he was here, he barely believed it then and he still found it a bit hard to believe even now.

‘Andros Edward Stark’ — Tony and Pepper’s son… his brother, his and Morgan’s.

Sometimes he still couldn’t understand how he went from desperately wishing for a sibling to actually having two right now, well almost. How Pepper had managed to keep his brother a secret for fifteen years, he had no idea. Eventually he had learned that his Uncle Rhodey knew but other than him, Pepper never really told anyone, and Peter could only imagine how tough she must have been to survive all on her own, without his father and without his brother. And while he admired her for her strength, he wished that she didn’t have to go through everything alone, but there really was no point in hoping for that anymore, was there?

He watched as she laid down pink peonies beside the headstone before joining him to sit on the stone bench under the very dense canopy of an evergreen fig. They sat there in silence, with Pepper staring ahead and gazing at the headstone pensively and Peter simply watching her. He noticed that she seemed at peace, content, happy even.

“Pepper, why are we here?” he asked, because he knew that her meetings in SI California in the past two weeks could have been done in the New York office instead. But they were here anyway and he figured that maybe Pepper really needed to breathe, that maybe, she really needed that space away from his father, literally and figuratively.

She simply smiled, her gaze not leaving Andros’ headstone. “I realized that I never really properly introduced you to your brother, and I haven’t really told him about your sibling.” She looked at him this time and she must have seen the understanding that crossed his face because she went on, quietly. “And I come here whenever I needed direction or guidance, whenever something remarkable happens to me… or when I just need some peace and quiet.”

Peter nodded, realizing now that Pepper had and would always include Andros in her life, and rightfully so. To anyone else, from the outside looking in, one would think that maybe it was because Pepper never really moved on, and maybe she never really did. But really, who would, who could? She lost a baby and Peter could only imagine that it must be one of those wounds that would never truly heal, that no matter how much time passed by it would never make the pain go away, it would only make things hurt less.

“So when Dad was looking for you after Christmas…”

“I was here, because I didn’t know what to do,” she admitted, shaking her head at the memory. “Aldrich proposed and I knew I should say yes but, I couldn’t.”

“Because of Dad?”

Pepper nodded, gazing back at the headstone. “Yeah, and because I feel like Andros wouldn’t be happy about it, had he been here.”

“Did you love him?” Peter asked before he could even stop himself. “Killian?”

Pepper sighed and Peter wondered why her answer wasn’t immediate, wasn’t instant.

“I wanted to, I really wanted to. It was never like what I have with your father, it was never the same, not even close, but life with Killian was… easy. And after everything that happened between me and Tony fifteen years ago, I reached a state when all I could think about was that at some point, it just has to be easy, you know? And it was almost enough for me at the time that I almost… I almost gave in.”

“I’m really sorry,” Peter whispered, not really knowing what to say. “But thank you, for not giving up on Dad… even if Killian was the easier choice, maybe even the choice that made sense at the time.”

“Your brother would have never liked it, so with or without the dossier, either way I still would have run away from the wedding. I’ll never be able to go through with it, I know that now.”

“I’m glad you did run away. Plus, you did say Andros looked like Dad, and I look like Dad,” Peter smiled trying to lighten the mood while Pepper looked at him curiously. “Chances are, Morgan’s gonna look like Dad and Killian would have found out anyway the second Morgan’s born and he sees the baby’s hair and eyes.”

Pepper laughed at that and it was the first time in two months, ever since they left his dad in Malibu, that she did and Peter thought he had never heard a sweeter sound.

“So does this mean we’re coming home?” he hesitatingly asked after some time, and Pepper looked at him with nothing but concern.

“To New York? Yeah, we have a plane to catch. We have to be there by—”

“No… I meant, _home_.”

He knew that Pepper knew what he meant and what he actually wanted. She was good like that.

“Only when you’re ready, Peter. There’s no time frame, no pressure.”

“But you’re already what, 20 weeks? What if I’m still not ready by then, what if I still can’t forgive Dad by the time Morgan is born? Dad will never forgive me if he misses out—”

“He will understand,” Pepper assured him but it did little to pacify Peter’s worries. “Tony will understand because he loves you, and I love you, too. I won’t hold it against you either… if it comes to that.”

“But, Pepper…”

“Don’t worry about it. At your own pace, Peter.” Pepper reached out to gently squeeze his hand hoping to reassure him. “Come on, we have to be back in New York today.”

Peter nodded, and he really hoped that Pepper was right about his father. Because he wasn’t ready, he wasn’t ready to forgive him just yet.

\---- --- ----

**May 28, 11:53 PM, Manhattan NY:**

“I don’t know, Rhodey. What does it look like to you?”

“Are you sure these are new?”

“I got those two weeks ago,” Tony muttered defeatedly as he stepped away to retrieve two tumblers and a new bottle of scotch while Rhodes went through the photos on his worktable. “Besides, I remember the exact day that Pepper was wearing those clothes, that was the last time I saw her.”

His best friend just arrived not more than an hour ago and already he was showing him the photos Coulson had sent over. Tony knew he just needed to talk to someone and he was more than grateful that Rhodes had decided to drop by and stay at least for the night. His mind was going a mile a minute because to tell the truth, he had been looking and looking at those photos for two weeks now, agonizing over the fact that Pepper had met with Killian, had talked to Killian, and, based on the photos, had even let Killian kiss her goodbye. It was just a peck on the cheek, but still.

“Tones, this doesn’t mean anything.”

“There’s a TRO against Killian, Rhodey,” he retorted as he poured them their drinks. He took a sip, clenching his jaw as he met his best friend’s gaze. “There’s a TRO and she got my lawyers to drop it, without telling me.”

“Doesn’t mean she’s cheating on you,” Rhodes countered, looking very much surprised that Tony could even entertain the thought. “This is Pepper we’re talking about. She’s not going to cheat on you. She would never, she _could_ never.”

“I didn’t say she’s cheating.” Tony slumped in the Roadster, feeling more resigned to the thought that had been bothering him since two weeks ago. “She’s leaving me, that’s what this is about.”

“Tones, come on…”

“Soon after she met with Killian, she got on a plane and flew off to California.” He shook his head and sighed as he tried to ignore the way that Rhodes was looking at him. “I’m jealous, yes, but I’m not even angry at her and I’m not even surprised that she’s leaving me. I love her, Rhodey, I love her so much that I even asked my team to pay off anyone who might have taken a photo of her with Killian. She’s leaving me and all I can think about is protecting her still.”

He risked a glance and he was right, he certainly didn’t like the look on Rhodes’ face. It was pity.

“We don’t know why she met with Killian, but maybe she’s in LA because she needs a break,” Rhodes consoled him and to tell the truth, he wanted to believe him if only he could. “Maybe she just needs a vacation.”

“From me.”

“No.”

“From us.”

“No.” Rhodes took his tumbler away and he couldn’t help but give his best friend a very annoyed look. He was cutting him off. Really, after just a glass? “When is she coming back?”

“I don’t know,” he reached out to take his glass back, snatching the bottle while he was at it to refill his drink.

“She’s coming back, right?” Rhodes demanded and Tony noticed that his best friend seemed to be taking him seriously this time. About time, too. “Peter’s with her, so they’re coming back, right?”

Tony ran his hands through his hair before looking at Rhodes, eyes wide and all teary. He knew he looked terrible, there were dark circles around his eyes because he really hadn’t slept well without Pepper beside him, and his son… his son hated him, probably even more than he ever did Howard. He felt so alone and it took everything he had to not just break down right there and then in front of Rhodes.

“We’ve been apart for two months now,” Tony admitted and apparently saying it out loud only made it sound more real and the consequences more probable. “It’s the longest we’ve been apart since we got back together, and it’s really bad this time. I screwed up, so I really shouldn’t be surprised if she decides not to come back anymore.”

“Pepper loves you,” Rhodes reasoned. “And even if things are as bad as you claim them to be, she’s pregnant, Tones, with _your_ child.”

“She left when she was pregnant with Andros. She did it before, she can do it again.”

“She won’t do it again because she regretted leaving back then.” Rhodes looked him in the eye and Tony knew where his best friend was going with this. His heart clenched at the thought of Andros, and he really wished that Pepper would stop blaming herself for what happened in LA. “Believe me, Tones. She regretted leaving, she still does, until now.”

Tony leaned against the door of the Roadster while he downed his second glass. He handed it over to Rhodes for a refill but he wasn’t really surprised when his best friend set it aside instead of pouring him another drink. This just wouldn’t do, if he had to think about Pepper for another minute, he would need so much more than two glasses of scotch.

“I just miss her so much.” His voice was breaking but he really didn’t care. All he could think about was that he knew she was already on her twentieth week and he only had about four months left to persuade her to come home.

“She’ll come around, Tones.”

“Look at me, Rhodey. I’m not exactly _the_ dream guy.”

“You don’t have to be _the_ dream guy. You just have to be hers.” Rhodes offered him a bottle of water and he took it, although a bit reluctantly. “Why do you doubt yourself so much?”

“Should I list it chronologically or alphabetically?”

“She loves you.”

“I don’t doubt that,” Tony muttered as he took a sip from the water bottle, finally giving in to Rhodes cutting him off after just two glasses. “I know that she does, and the fact that I know _that_ is a really bad thing. You know what I’m talking about.”

Rhodes nodded and Tony was just really glad that he didn’t have to go into the details of his track record of abusing Pepper’s love. That back then, when he was younger, he was quite sure that he could get away with anything because she loved him and that she would always understand.

Tony hated his younger self for that, and he also hated the fact that even after two decades, he was still banking on the fact that she loved him, in spite of everything. He shook his head as he tried not to think of how much of an asshole he was being, again.

“What if…” he trailed off, not really wanting to say it out loud. “What if that love, right now, is no longer enough?”

“Tones, she already knows everything about you, the good and the bad.”

“She does know the depths of my depravity—”

“And yet, you’re still the guy that Pepper just can’t quit,” Rhodes ended their argument, and Tony was quite certain that he had heard a tiny bit of disapproval in his best friend’s tone. He wasn’t going to make a fuss out of it though, it wasn’t like it was baseless after all.

“So what you’re saying is—”

“Fifteen long years, Tones, and she still came back to you. Remember, she left Killian for you.”

“That’s hardly comforting, anybody would leave that bastard.”

“Killian is the face of Pepper’s salvation,” Rhodes pointed out for him and Tony couldn’t help but sigh deeply, clench his jaw, and roll his eyes. He didn’t want to hear this, let alone acknowledge it. “I know you didn’t want to hear that but you have to realize that. That and the fact that she did leave him… for you.”

Tony knew, he really had nothing to dispute that. So instead of arguing his point (whatever that was) any further, he simply got out of the Roadster and cleaned his worktable, stashing away the photos that his PI had sent him in one of his drawers. Rhodes had stood up as well to retrieve something from behind the counter and while his best friend disappeared behind the bar, Tony called out to him. He might as well say this now while Rhodes wasn’t looking, just in case his composure betrayed him and he couldn’t keep the tough exterior anymore.

“Thanks for coming over, Platypus,” he teased but he meant every word. He glanced at the clock, noting that it was almost one in the morning, and he was just grateful that he wasn’t alone, most especially not tonight.

“Well, I really couldn’t say no when you called.” Rhodes returned to his worktable, this time carrying a cake with sparkling candles shaped as the number 42. “Happy birthday, brother. Make a wish.”

Tony hesitated but he caught himself before Rhodes could even mention anything. He furrowed his brows and smirked at the airman, an old joke resurfacing in his head just right on cue.

“Are we really going to recreate that Sixteen Candles ending?”

“Uh-uh, nope, I’m not going to be the Jake Ryan to your Samantha Baker.”

“Do you see me blushing?”

“Just make a wish, Tones.”

He gazed at the candles but beneath his joking exterior, all he could really think about was how he badly wished that Pepper and Peter were home with him, right now. He smiled sadly because, clearly, none of that was going to happen anytime soon.

“It already didn’t come true, but whatever.”

Tony blew the candles and he tried, he really tried, not to think of what he wanted, of _who_ he was missing.

_It already didn’t come true, so no point in agonizing over it._

\---- --- ----

“Pepper, hey.” Peter knocked on Pepper’s already open door and she couldn’t help but smile. The kid’s dark hair was unruly and his big brown eyes were framed by the glasses he so rarely wore and yet, he still reminded her of Tony… always, every second of every day. The kid looked tired, and so did she, they did just arrive from LA after all. “I just want to say good night.”

“Good night, Peter.”

“Tell my baby sibling I love him? Or her?”

“Of course.” And before the kid could step out of her room, she called out to him because she knew that he needed the push. He was Tony’s kid after all. “Peter, wait.”

He turned around, looking equal parts curious and concerned. “Yeah?”

“Call your dad. It’s past-midnight after all. I’m sure he’s still awake.”

She did not miss the way that he bit his lip, bowed his head, and clenched his jaw while he stuffed his hands in his pajama pockets, all the mannerisms further emphasizing that he really was Tony’s kid through and through. Peter furrowed his brows as he contemplated her suggestion and she was just relieved to hear him at least compromising in the end.

“I’ll text Dad in the morning.”

She nodded, clutching her stomach as she leaned against the headboard. “Thank you, Peter.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I’m just really tired.” She felt exhausted and as much as she just wanted to close her eyes and sleep, she couldn’t. There were just far too many thoughts racing in her head at the moment. “Don’t worry.”

“Let me know if you need anything?”

“I will. Get some rest, Peter.”

Peter simply nodded and smiled at her, before closing her door and leaving her all alone with the quiet. She sighed as she closed her eyes because she knew she would be lying in bed awake for quite a while anyway. She couldn’t _not_ think of Tony after all… especially tonight.

Every night for the past two months, she often thought of Tony especially when Peter would bid her good night before going to bed. She remembered her very first day as SI’s CEO, when Tony invited her for dinner and she answered the kitchen phone only to realize that it was Peter on the other end, calling just to wish his dad good night. She could still picture the light in Tony’s eyes while he fondly told her how much he loved that particular ritual of theirs, of Peter telling him _“I love you, Dad,”_ every night before he went to sleep, and how he dreaded the day when the boy would be too grown up for such a thing. She knew that Tony must be missing that, he had been missing that for a while now ever since the rift between the two boys started over the paternity test and it made Pepper feel guilty. She felt responsible, as if she had intruded into the boys’ lives in the exact way that Tony had accused her of back in Malibu.

_“My son hates me because of you.”_

She could almost hear Tony’s voice echoing in her head as the first few tears escaped her lids, and while his words did hurt and she knew he didn’t mean it, she wasn’t exactly blameless either. Tony was missing Peter and it was all because of her.

She thought back to fifteen years ago, whenever she would be lying in bed alone at night and she could feel Andros kicking and all she could think about was wanting to call Tony. She used to imagine what his reaction would be like when she finally told him about the baby, what he would do as soon as he found out she was having his child. She could still remember how it felt when Andros kicked for the very first time and all she could think about was that Tony should have been there with her, he should have felt that too, he should not have missed out on that moment.

Had she known that Andros would be yanked away from her so soon, she would’ve picked up the phone and called him that night…

Pepper knew that Tony loved her, she knew that he would go to hell and back again for her. She felt the same for him, and she was so certain that Tony would never do anything that would jeopardize their relationship again. So what could be the problem? What was she so afraid of?

It was just that she felt so vulnerable around him because he had hurt her more than once, he had abandoned her in the past, and just knowing that he had done it before made her want to keep her guard up. She knew that it shouldn’t matter that he _could_ do it, because what mattered was that he wouldn’t, not anymore. Still, she was so scared that if Tony would drop the ball again, this time, she knew that would be it. There would never be another chance, that would be the end because while Pepper may be tough, she was not invincible. If Tony broke her once more, she knew she would never recover, not this time.

Pepper sighed deeply as she tried to stifle the sobs that threatened to escape her lips. She knew this break wasn’t fair. Tony should not be missing Peter, he should not have missed out on Andros, and he had made it perfectly clear that he didn’t want to miss out on anything with Morgan. Tony shouldn’t be missing out on his kids and for that to happen, she would need to come back home to him. And she wanted to, she just couldn’t.

Pepper was scared and Tony could sense that she needed the reassurance but somehow, he had gotten it in his head that the only way to do that was to get married. Pepper _did_ want that, maybe fifteen, twenty years ago, but after she watched Tony marry Peter’s mother as nothing but a solution to a problem, she wasn’t so sure anymore.

To tell the truth, all she really wanted right now was for Tony to not drop the ball, to forgive himself for abandoning her all those years ago, to truly forgive her for losing Andros… They were almost there, they were doing so well, they were so close… and then Malibu happened.

“Hey, Morgan…” she whispered, using the name that Tony fell in love with before he even knew about the baby. She sometimes called the baby Morgan but she would never admit it to Tony just yet. “What would you have me do, baby?”

That was when it happened.

Pepper gasped, sharply drawing in breath as she clutched her stomach a bit harder than necessary. She couldn’t help but wince as she tried to catch her breath, all while trying to reach for her phone that was sitting on the bedside table. She took short, quick breaths, one hand resting against her stomach and the other pressing call on Tony’s number because she needed him, right now.

That was all she could think about. She needed Tony, right now.

\---- --- ----

“I thought you already cut me off?”

Tony smirked as he took the glass of scotch that Rhodes pushed towards him. It was already two in the morning but this was only his third glass since his best friend cut him off way too early in the night. Nonetheless, he grabbed it, took a sip from it, and contemplated about emptying his drink before Rhodes could change his mind and decide to take it back.

“Well, it is your birthday, and since you’re not having a party for a change, I thought I’d cut you some slack.” Rhodes reasoned and Tony couldn’t help but grin back. “That’s the last one, though, and I mean it.”

“Whatever you say, Honeybear.”

Tony clinked his glass with Rhodes’ and he had barely placed his drink back on the table when his phone rang and he saw the black and white photo of Pepper smiling back at him flashing on the screen. It effectively sobered him up, all traces of humor draining from his face as he looked at his phone trepidatiously.

“It’s Pepper,” he whispered anxiously and had he looked up, he would have seen the confused look on Rhodes’ face.

“So answer it. What’s the matter? Isn’t this what you wanted?”

It was what he wanted, only Tony now realized that in the two months that they had been apart, she never really called. He always did, and the one time that she actually needed to talk to him, the one time that she asked him to call was when the nightmare about Killian bothered her so much.

“Tones,” Rhodes pulled him out of his thoughts. “Answer it.”

“She never calls,” Tony admitted as he kept staring at his phone. For a while there, he was reminded of when he took that photo of hers — it was the night that they first slept together after fifteen years, the night of her rehearsal dinner and Peter’s fundraiser. “She could be calling either because there’s something wrong with the baby or she has decided to tell me that she’s leaving me.”

“It’s 2AM, buddy. She might be calling to wish you a happy birthday. It _is_ May 29, after all.”

“Not in LA, no. Not yet.”

It wasn’t even midnight in LA, Rhodes should know that. Tony couldn’t be the only one accounting for the time difference, right?

Rhodes stood up to leave the workshop but not before tapping him on the shoulder and offering his sage advice as per usual. “Either way, she’s calling because she needs to tell you something. So answer it, before it’s too late.”

Tony nodded and he barely registered Rhodes taking the stairs up to the house when he thought his heart would stop at the sound of Pepper sharply drawing in a breath. Really, what was he thinking not answering on the very first ring?

“Tony? Can you come over? Please?”

“Pep? You’re back?” Of course, she’s back. First, he took forever to answer his phone, and now he was just being dense. “Are you okay? Is everything okay? You sound—”

“I’m fine, I’m okay. But can you please come over? Tony, it’s the baby, it—”

“Sit tight.” Tony glanced at the clock while he grabbed his jacket and his keys as he ran to his silver Audi. “Give me five minutes, Hon.”

“Tony…”

“What? It’s two in the morning, I can just run past those red lights,” he argued as he started the engine. He was already out of the garage when he noticed that there had been nothing but silence from the other end. He very well knew why and he could almost picture her disapproving look. “Okay, I’ll be there in 15 minutes,” he appeased her even as he stepped on the gas.

“That’s better.”

“I’ll be there, Honey,” he promised and he really hoped that she knew that there was so much more to those words, because he meant it this time, unlike all those years ago, unlike all those other times. “I’ll be there. Just talk to me, okay? Keep talking to me. I’ll be there before you know it.”

“Tony?”

“Yeah?”

“Please drive safely.”

He was speeding along Park Avenue and he was just about to turn right on 51st Street when he decided to slow down as per her request. It was said so simply, so quietly, without a hint of her usual CEO tone that made everyone in the board room instantly pay attention. She never really reminded him to drive slowly anymore, she probably already realized at some point that it was one battle she was never going to win, except he had a fairly good reason as to why she reminded him this time. And even if he really wanted to be by her side as quickly as he could, he wasn’t about to argue with her, not this time, not after she lost their firstborn in a car crash and not when she’s currently pregnant with their new child.

“I am, Pep. I’m slowly pulling over your building’s courtyard as of the moment.”

“It’s been only 10 minutes,” she admonished him and he couldn’t help but smirk as he clutched the phone to his ear while he jogged towards the waiting elevators in the lobby.

“It’s a fair bargain. I’m only five minutes faster than how you wanted me to be and just five minutes slower than how I wanted to be.” He was really getting restless as he watched the numbers on the elevator lit up and he had expressed his frustration before he could even sensor himself. “Why did you have to live on the top floor, Honey? The elevator is taking forever. Also, remind me that SI will replace this lift with a faster one, free of charge.”

“You can’t just do that, Tony. You don’t own the building.”

“Then I’ll buy it.”

“It’s prewar, you can’t just mess with it.”

“The _building_ is prewar, the elevators don’t have to be.”

She laughed softly at that and boy, how he missed that sound. And their banter, he had missed their witty banter, so much.

_She must be okay, right? She and the baby are okay?_

“I’m at your door, Honey,” he panted as he hesitated at her door, glad that he had caught himself before he could even start knocking. “I don’t want to knock in case… well, in case Peter’s still up and he doesn’t want to see me.”

“He’s already asleep. Use your key.”

“Pep, I don’t have a—”

“I know you have one,” she cut off whatever bullshit of a lie he was just about to come up with and Tony, honestly, had forgotten in that moment that Pepper really knew him so well. “I’m in the bedroom, Tony,” she told him before ending the call.

He took out his key and did as he was told. He had the duplicate made after he found her crying over Andros’ baby clothes one afternoon (that time he decided to surprise her with the nursery and it backfired), only he couldn’t get to her because she had decided to lock herself in her apartment. He didn’t mean to be controlling, but he had it made because he didn’t want to feel as helpless as he did back then, when he so wanted to comfort her but he couldn’t, when he was just there on the other side of the door but she was so out of reach.

He went inside, all worried and keyed up and breathless. He saw her sitting on bed and leaning against the headboard, both hands resting against her stomach, her eyes were closed while she took deep measured breaths. The silk cami she was wearing had slipped and together with Pepper’s very lithe frame, he couldn’t help but notice that there was the baby bump already. She was still barely showing, they would still have a few weeks before the press could begin to notice, but his heart ached at the thought that he was missing out again. He hadn’t even realized that she was actually starting to show, until now.

He leaned against her open door and allowed himself the luxury of having a quiet moment just looking at her, gazing at her, before he broke through the silence.

“Pep?” He asked, his voice breaking from the realization that he really had not kissed her, held her, in the last eight weeks. “You okay? Baby’s okay?”

“I’m okay. We’re okay.” She must have noticed that the way that he sighed in relief was obviously short-lived. “You don’t look relieved.”

“I am, I’m glad you’re both okay, It’s just…” He crossed his arms in front of his chest, letting the door carry his weight while he gazed at her longingly. “It’s just that if you’re okay, then it only means it’s the other thing.”

“What other thing?”

“That you’re leaving me.”

He could tell that her initial reaction was to laugh but he must have looked pretty serious because she regarded him softly, eyes full of concern as she tried to get a read on him.

“Why would you think that?”

“You met Killian, before you left,” he blurted out petulantly, pursing his lips as he tried to look away because Pepper narrowed her eyes at him. She must be realizing now that he had ~~her~~ Killian followed because she raised an eyebrow at him demanding for an explanation. “People saw you, Pep. Next time, choose a less conspicuous breakfast place.”

“Are you spying on me?”

“I’m not spying on you. People saw you, my team paid them off so that they won’t leak your photos.” Of course, he did not have her followed, he was spying on Killian but he figured he should probably leave out that fact. “So, are you leaving me?”

She dodged the question, wrinkling her nose instead. “Were you drinking?”

“Just beer,” he ~~lied~~ answered automatically but the way that Pepper looked at him screamed that she knew he was lying. “Fine, I had scotch, three glasses, Rhodey’s at the house. So, are you?”

“Again, why would you think that?”

“I don’t know. You met your ex-fiancé before flying to LA, a title, which, apparently I will never earn, by the way.”

“You want the title of being my ex-fiancé?” she asked him looking so amused and Tony honestly could not find the humor behind it.

“You know what I mean. So are you moving back to LA with him?”

“You think I met Aldrich to discuss moving back to LA with him, while I’m pregnant with _your_ baby? And while I’m at it, I decided that I’m taking Peter with me, Peter who’s _your_ son?”

“Yours and mine.”

He caught the quick small smile she made at his correction before sighing tiredly. Still, she regarded him kindly. “Do you realize how ridiculous your theory sounds?”

He met her gaze then and even if she looked tired, she was still as patient as she had been the very first time that he met her.

“So you’re not leaving me?”

“Would you like me to? Ask me again one more time, Tony, and I just might.”

“Pep…” he whined just as he couldn’t help but grin. He had missed this, he had missed _them_.

She rolled her eyes at him before patting the space on the bed beside her. “Come here.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, keeping his place by the door.

“I called you because there’s something I have to tell you and you decided you’re just going to stand there by the door?”

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and shrugged sheepishly. “Well, I wanted to show you how I’m letting you have all the space you need.”

“ _This_ is space?” She nodded towards the literal space between the bed and the doorway.

“Yeah, I mean, I’m all the way over here, being all space-giving… and charming.”

She shook her head and Tony was pleased to note that even at 42, his charm still worked. But then Pepper suddenly winced and the next thing he knew, he was already beside her on the bed, ready to rush her to the nearest hospital if needed.

“Pep, are you okay? Come on, I’ll take you to the hospital.”

Her answering smile was both teary and reassuring that when she took his hand and placed it above her baby bump, her hand covering his, Tony couldn’t help but be in awe.

“Is that?” Tony asked, voice breaking at the sudden, overwhelming sense of love for this woman who he was certain he would never ever deserve… in this lifetime and in the next.

“Yeah.”

“Honey, Morgan is kicking.”

Pepper nodded, smiling at him even as her lips trembled and her chin quivered. “I called you as soon as I felt it.”

“Pep…”

Tony really thought he would miss out again this time, he had already resigned himself to thinking that maybe he would miss out on Morgan’s first kicks and that he would be lucky enough if he could even be there the minute that his baby would be born. But Pepper came through, she always did.

_I really don’t deserve her, and I don’t think I ever will…_

“I didn’t know if you’ll pick up,” Pepper murmured and he hated the fact that she had had doubts, because that meant he had really screwed things up. “It’s two in the morning after all, but I know you don’t want to miss out on anything anymore and… I don’t want you to either.”

“Thank you.” He pulled her closer, kissing her temple as he closed his eyes in an attempt to maintain some composure. He knew he was starting to tear up, but damn it he really thought he had lost her already, again. “Thank you, Honey. And for future reference, you can call me anytime and I promise to answer. This won’t be like fifteen years ago—”

“Okay.”

He buried his nose in her hair and all he could really think about was that he was holding her, finally, once again. He couldn’t help but smirk even as he murmured against her hair, “Except when I’m gone ‘ _gone’_ you know, Pep? Obviously I won’t be able to answer anymore—”

“Okay.”

“—Or you know, when I’m in the jet, although I can actually tinker with that. I have this great idea—”

“Okay.”

“—Or if I’m actually in a coma, but I promise to drag my ass awake just for you.”

“Okay!” She was laughing now and he knew he had missed seeing her this… happy. “I get it, okay?”

He kissed her temple once more before burying his face at the crook of her neck, just wanting to feel her close and to breathe her in, while she sighed contentedly and snuggled closer to him. She was lying on her back now and she had let him drape half of his body over hers while he guided her hand in tracing lazy circles on her stomach. The baby seemed to be enjoying its father’s attention because those fluttery kicks kept coming as they lay there, enjoying the quiet.

“I’m really sorry, Pep,” Tony murmured against her neck and the gentle squeeze she gave his hand urged him to continue. “I want you to know, I didn’t mean the things I said in Malibu and I’ve been regretting them since.”

“I know.”

“I know I always screw up and I’m really sorry.” He kissed her behind the ear, not really wanting to lift his head up because he was too much of a coward to see her reaction. “I know we’ve never worked out how to be together without making each other feel a bit shit, and I promise I will find a way to not do that. You’re gonna stop being angry with me because I’m gonna stop giving you reasons to be. I promise.”

“That actually sounds nice.”

He propped himself up on his elbow so he could catch her gaze. She smiled at him sadly, and Tony only wished he could promise her that he would never, ever break her heart again.

“I’m really sorry, Pep… and I love you.”

She simply nodded and his selfish self wanted to hear her say those words back to him but he had learned by now that he shouldn’t push it. He knew he was already lucky to even be here, and if it took her forever to tell him those words again, he thought that he really had no right to complain. He probably deserved the torture anyway.

“The baby likes your voice,” Pepper noted instead, changing the subject as Morgan started kicking and moving again. The baby’s timing was really impeccable and already, Tony could tell from whom Morgan got that from.

He moved a bit so he could kiss her barely showing bump, completely unable to stop himself from whispering, “Hey, Morgan. Daddy’s here, and I miss you and Mommy and Pete so much.” Tony thought he heard Pepper stifle a sob, but he chose not to give any indication that he heard her anyway.

They stayed like that for a while until Pepper began to shift to find a more comfortable position to lie in while Tony stretched beside her. Eventually, she turned to lie on her side and he put her arm around her, pulling her so that her back was against his chest while his hand caressed her stomach. He sighed against her neck, already knowing that this night was about to end.

“Pep, please come home.”

“Tony…” Her tone was very patient, and he knew she wanted to tell him no but she didn’t have the heart to say it out loud.

“You’re not coming home without the kid, are you?” She didn’t answer but he knew what her silence was about anyway. “Sometimes I hate the fact that you love the kid so much.”

Pepper turned to lie on her back instead so that she could look up to meet his gaze. She was studying him and knowing her, she was probably already thinking on how she could soften the blow.

“Stay the night, Tony.”

“I can? I’m allowed to?”

She simply nodded, before kissing him on the cheek and smiling at him softly. “Happy birthday, Tony.”

He had to admit, it surprised him that she remembered. He must have looked so dazed because she was looking at him curiously until she really felt the need to ask, “What?”

“Well, I’ve been here for quite a while and you haven’t mentioned it,” he admitted, knowing that he sounded very much like the spoiled trust fund kid everybody thought he was. “I thought you forgot.”

“Why did you think I dragged Peter to fly to New York tonight?”

She always came through, no matter what. He never really deserved her.

“Thank you...”

He took a chance by kissing her, albeit hesitantly at first. But when he felt her lips against his and she did kiss him back unreservedly, he did realize something...

“I love you, Pep.”

... Part of his wish did come true after all.

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Tony thought the same thing in Chapter 8 (The Concert Fundraiser), when Peter told him that Pepper and Aldrich had chosen a date, in two weeks: _"Why so fast, Pep? Afraid I could change your mind?"_ I just really love it when Pepper and Tony are so in sync. 😉
> 
> **It's the lamp from The Nursery.
> 
> Also, hopefully the flashback from five months ago explained why Killian was quite hopeful when Pepper told him she's pregnant in Chapter 18. He had always wanted a kid with her, it was also mentioned in a flashback in the previous chapter.
> 
> I've written the last scene shortly after I posted Chapter 22 (The Lost Boys), and even then, I was so excited to share this chapter's ending with you already... And now, I can't wait to share the next. See you in **Chapter 25: Prodigal Sons.**
> 
> So... Do you love me again? Are all the angst from the last chapters forgiven? Yes? Hopefully? 🥺
> 
> Let me know in the comments section. ❤
> 
> P.S. Shameless plug. Here's a one-shot Pepperony I posted a few days ago: [champagne problems](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28690818) ❤
> 
> P.P.S. And oh! I resurrected my [tumblr](https://potts89.tumblr.com) account. Well, not really resurrected but more of wiped away everything and started from scratch. So yell at me there, too, or ask your questions or what have you, and on [twitter](https://twitter.com/PottsStark89) as well.


End file.
